The Offspring 4: Rain by Kelli Rocherolle 3/98

Please, no hate mail 'til you've read the whole thing! Xmas
Carol/Emily sort of put the kibash on this story, but I got some
requests to continue it anyway, and since I have about 30+ pages
already done, I decided to do so.


***************************

The Offspring 4: Flying

Bright rays of gold warmed the summer sky. Creeping vines snaked up
the cracked stone walls of a courtyard. The smell of flowers filled
the air.

The little girl reached up to the cloudless sky, where a single
swallow flew, circling overhead with a watchful eye. A bright smile
was reflected in her eyes. "...mommy..." she whispered.

Movement from the corner of her eye caught the child's attention and
she turned to face the man as he approached. Her Daddy walked towards
her, and as he did birds that were settled in the grass were sent into
flight. The sound of wings beating against air was amplified, as was
all around her-- the colors, the smells, everything but movement. The
motion of the breeze across the grass, the birds as they took flight,
were all slowed, like a Pissaro come to life, out of sync with the
sounds they made.

The man bent down as if to take her into his arms, but then was
suddenly moving back... being pulled away from her. Her brow creased
in concern and confusion. He changed before her eyes, morphing into a
large black bird as he rose off the ground, drawing up into the sky
and into the fair-weather clouds. She could hear the sound of a
heartbeat. Higher, he was moving further away from her, until a
feeling of such despair sent a steady flow of tears down her cheeks...

Lily tossed and turned in the emotion of her dream. With a start, she
woke and crawled out of her bed, then headed down the hallway.

Still half asleep, Mulder pulled back the covers to admit his tiny
visitor. As she snuggled close, he passed a hand over her sweat-
dampened cheeks and back through her hair. She'd had another
nightmare. Since Scully had returned, they were becoming more
frequent.

Safe at last in her father's arms, Lily started to drift back to
sleep. "No flyin', Daddy," she mumbled.

Mulder smiled before settling back on his pillow. "No flyin', Spud,"
he assured her.

*****************************

Groggy and rumpled, Mulder opened his eyes once again to find Lily
watching him, her eyes wide and trusting. Mulder smiled at her, the
tiny head next to his on the pillow. "What are you lookin' at?"

A small smile exposed a row of perfect baby teeth, and a tiny gap in
the center that was adorable to him. "Daddy."

Mulder grinned back at her, happily riding that swell of love he felt
every time she uttered that word. There was a time when he thought he
wasn't destined for fatherhood. Now, he didn't have to be.

Lily pointed upwards, indicating over his shoulder where Scully was
lying next to him. "Sleeping," she said.

"Yes she is."

"You get me toast, okay Daddy?"

"I got a better idea..."

********************************

Doughnuts were a special treat. As far as Lily was concerned, even
better than 'Loops. They started their walk back to the apartment,
Mulder taking Lily's free hand while the other clutched the remnants
of a powdered donut. As they walked in the cool morning air, the sun
warming their faces, Mulder's thoughts were with Scully. He had a hard
time putting the emotions he was experiencing into words. Alone?
Maybe. Unhappy? Probably. Estranged? Definitely. But the most
frustrating part was, he didn't know why. He frowned at the sidewalk
beneath him; self-analysis had never been one of his strong points. He
glanced down at Lily, at the confectioner's sugar that was powdered
from cheek to cheek, and he couldn't help but smile in spite of how
lousy he felt. Lily made him feel centered, focused... like Scully
used to. And today, he just wanted to enjoy it.

"Ar-tur."

Mulder looked back down at her. "What's that?"

Lily stopped in front of a store window and pointed at the display of
children's books. "Ar-tur."

Crouching down, Mulder peered through the window. "Oh yeah-- Arthur."
Arthur was a character in one of Lily's favorite books. "You wanna go
in and take a look?"

The inside of the bookstore was warm and quiet and smelled like
lilacs. A fat cat dosed on the sill. The woman behind the counter
watched as the little girl ran to get the book she'd seen and brought
it to the tall man.

Mulder took the book from her and flipped through the pages.

"Artur goin' to 'cool," she informed him.

"Yeah I see, that's a nice school." As Lily ran back to the shelves to
examine the other "Arthur" books, Mulder went up to the cash register.
He put the book on the counter and pulled some bills from his wallet.
Smiling thinly as he recalled teasing Scully about spoiling her,
Mulder realized he was no less immune from Lily's charm. He handed the
book to her as she came up along side him.

"Name?"

Mulder looked up at the woman behind the counter with a curious
expression. "What?

"We're giving out these free book plates with the purchase of
children's books."

"Oh, right. It's Lily."

"You don't look like a Lily," the woman said with a demure smile.

Mulder blinked at her, caught off guard by her flirtatious behavior.
When he recovered, he smiled back and looked down Lily, who was
examining her book, pointing at different parts of the page. "Books.
Kids."

"Is that one 'L' or two?"

"One."

"Middle name?"

Mulder stared back at the clerk as she caught him off guard for the
second time. "She um... she doesn't have one."

The woman's brows drew together as she watched him.

He shrugged at her.

"Last name?"

"Scully." Mulder spelled it for the woman as he stuffed his wallet
back in his jacket. When she was finished he took the bookplate from
her and bent down next to Lily. He helped her fasten the plate on the
inside cover.

"She's cute, is she your little girl?"

The question surprised him. Most people just assumed they were father
and daughter, but he knew if you looked carefully, there wasn't a
shred of resemblance between them. "No. Yes. I mean... yes..."

"I understand," the woman said, waving a hand in the air. "Step
families." He saw her eyes drift to his left ring finger. It was time
to leave.

Mulder was in a miserable mood on the way home. That woman had
inadvertently made him feel like the most insignificant person in
Lily's life. What was he to her, really? He wasn't her biological
father. And legally he wasn't her father-- he wasn't her guardian any
more. He wasn't even her stepfather. At best, he was the guy sleeping
with her mother.

**************************************

"Hi." Scully was awake and emerging from the bathroom as they entered
the apartment. "Where'd you guys go?"

"We got breakfast," Mulder responded, displaying the box of doughnuts.

Lily approached her mother, new book outstretched. "Ar-tur," she said.

"Arthur!" Scully sat on the couch and watched as Lily showed her the
book, opening on a page that showed a group of the characters at a
birthday celebration. "Ooo, a party Lily."

"Yeah party."

Scully smiled and motioned for Lily to join her on the sofa. "You want
me to read it?"

But Lily took her book and went to Mulder, extending it up to him. She
watched him with that wide, adoring stare Scully was learning to
loathe. "You read it please," she said innocently, having no idea the
pain she was causing the person on the couch.

Mulder took the book from her as he eyed Scully.

Scully didn't make eye contact, but indicated for him to go ahead.

"Maybe your Mom wants to read it to you..."

Scully looked at him. She knew he was trying to be kind, but for some
reason that only made her feel worse. "No it's all right, you go
ahead." She got up and left the room.

Mulder looked back down at Lily, who was still eyeing him expectantly.
"Okay, sure."

Finding refuge in the bathroom, Scully closed the door behind her and
reached for the tap. As she did, she caught sight of her reflection in
the mirror. Staring at it for the longest time, Scully could feel her
anger rising, the hatred snuffing out whatever remaining happiness she
felt at being returned. More than anything she was trying to keep
faith, to be hopeful that the damage that had been done to her
relationship with Lily-- and Mulder, was not beyond repair. Whatever
it was that was missing from their relationship, she was desperate to
find it.

**************************************

The weeks that followed were not good ones. In addition to the
estrangement she was facing with Lily, Scully could feel Mulder
pushing her away, and she hadn't felt so rebuffed by him since that
first year of their partnership. When she had initially been returned
and started to feel that resistance from him, she had considered that
perhaps he'd put up a wall to keep from hurting during her absence,
and that the wall would eventually disappear. But now, she felt it was
less a wall and more like a river, rising at the banks and washing
them further away from each other. She was helpless to stop it.

"Hi."

Scully looked up from the floor as Mulder entered the apartment. "Hi."
She stood up from the crayons and coloring books spread out on the
floor. "How was your day?"

"Where's Lily?" He shrugged off his coat as he approached.

"She went to get some blank paper."

Mulder gave her a perfunctory kiss and loosened his tie. "Skinner
wants to know if you've decided on a date of return yet."

Scully shrugged. It had only been a few weeks, but she was feeling
fine. Physically, she was more than ready to go back to work. But she
was having a hard time leaving Lily; they had so much lost time to
make up for. Besides, with the way things were going with Mulder, she
knew she wouldn't be able to give herself one hundred percent at work.

Lily raced into the room with her blank paper, the stub of a crayon
poking out from her fist.

Mulder sat on the couch and reached for her as she rushed at him. He
smiled and hugged her tight. "Hey, Spud," he said warmly.

She turned and picked up a piece of paper from the floor. "This for
you," she said, displaying her picture.

His smile widened at the sight of three stick figures in the middle of
the page. Mulder took the drawing from her. The simplicity of her
world was trademark of her work: the green grass beneath their feet,
the blue sky above, but no color in the space between. The stick
figures were suspended in the blank area between the sky and earth.

Lily handed her crayon to Scully with a blank sheet of paper. "You
make kitty okay, Mommy?"

Mulder watched Scully as she complied with Lily's request; regarding
the stranger on the floor with a tremendous sadness in his heart. What
was happening? A small adjustment period after being gone so long,
that he could understand; but this was taking far too long. The way
they interacted now was a pale reflection of the caring friendship
they had once had.

"Scully come here."

As Lily started on a drawing for her mother, Scully moved to join
Mulder on the sofa. She snuggled into his chest as he drew her close.
But they couldn't have been farther apart.

********************************

Mulder started spending a lot of time away from the apartment. He was
running away-- that he knew-- but it was just too painful to be around
Scully. Too damaging. At least when he wasn't with her he could
pretend everything was okay. Over and over in his mind he deliberated
about what was going on between them. Why was he pushing her away?
Mulder picked up the glass in front of him and swallowed another
mouthful of smooth liquid, the sting of alcohol making its way down
his throat. He had told Scully he was going to stay late and do some
work- - and he had. But even being in the office made him think of
her... of the cases they'd worked on together, of the time before
Lily. And as he sat there in the hotel bar thinking about that time,
he realized there was no place that was sanctuary from thinking about
her. He extended his empty glass to the bartender. "You got anymore of
this?"

Mulder tapped the surface of the bar impatiently as he watched his
glass being refilled, unaware of the woman sliding onto the stool next
to him. He was surprised to see her when he turned back around.

The brunette smiled at him. "Hi."

"Hi," he responded casually. She was pretty, long brown hair and all
legs... but he just wasn't interested.

"You're Fox Mulder, aren't you?"

Mulder turned to face her, startled.

She shrugged in explanation. "I'm Ellen Creed. I work in accounting...
I've seen you around."

Relaxing, Mulder turned back to his drink.

"I was just, I'm staying here while my apartment's being fumigated. I
saw you come in. I thought you might like some company."

Mulder regarded her passively. "Yeah, sure, why not." The woman's face
brightened as he motioned to the bartender. "Whatever she wants and
another one of these for me," he said, pushing his glass towards him.

Mindless small talk. It felt good, not thinking about it, about how
everything had gone so miserably wrong, about analyzing to death his
feelings and motivations. No more head shrinking. Not tonight. One
after the other the drinks were sliding down with the lazy
conversation. Before too long, he was starting to feel way past light-
headed and decided to call it a night. He pulled out his wallet, and
was surprised when the woman reached over to lay a hand over his. "I
don't want you have to pay for mine."

"No it's okay." Her hand was lingering, and Mulder avoided eye
contact. "My treat, really. I gotta go."

This time she was more forward with her advances. "You want to come up
to my room and have one more?"

It took a minute for her invitation to make its way through the haze
of his buzz. The realization was a surprise. But just where had he
thought this was leading? He had spent the entire night pretending he
hadn't seen this coming.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes searched his face. "It's not your partner is
it? I heard it was strictly business between you two."

Mulder almost laughed in her face. He wished he had, maybe it would've
turned her off, and it certainly would've felt good; but all he could
do was stare at her.

She let the hand concealed between her body and the bar drift slightly
up his thigh. "Sure I can't tempt you? I have a mean mini-bar..."

The sirens that had started going off in his head were dulled and
eventually drowned out in the alcohol, but the buzzing in his ears and
the tingling sensation seeping through his body had nothing to do with
the drinks he'd had.

Sliding unsteadily off the barstool, the woman took hold of his arm
and suppressed a laugh. "All right, so maybe I don't need another
drink..." She casually lay her hand over his arm, her green eyes
holding his. "You could come up anyway... I've been wanting to meet
you for a long time..."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The
Offspring 5: Words
4/98

Scully glanced at the clock as she finished making her snack. Mulder
was late again. He had done this a few times since she'd been back--
called to say he was going to be late and dragging himself in several
hours later, his features etched in exhaustion and defeat, and
occasionally carrying the faintest hint of alcohol on his breath. It
was uncharacteristic behavior for him-- he didn't usually drink,
Scully knew that; but she also knew he was trying to outrun whatever
demon was bearing down on him by drowning... Scully forced herself to
push those thoughts away. Right now, she had to focus on Lily. Lily
had to be her priority; she was doing everything she could to repair
the damage her absence had done.

Scully came out of the kitchen as Mulder was entering. He didn't look
at her, only made his way slowly to the couch and sank into it. She
watched as he leaned forward and buried his face in his palms. "Hello
to you too," she said, starting back for the kitchen.

"Scully..."

She stopped and turned to speak to his back. She didn't want to hear
another one of his lame apologies. "Sleep it off, Mulder."

Mulder was miserable, devastated by what he'd almost done; he might as
well have gone through with it because he couldn't possibly imagine
feeling any worse. He was drowning, and wanted to reach out to her for
help, but found he was having trouble finding the strength to make it
to the surface. "Scully..."

Something in his voice kept her from turning back around. She stared
at his slumped figure, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't.
They remained in thick silence, then, a noise so sorrowful it could
only indicate tears escaped him. Scully's expression turned from
impatience to concern. She went to him. "Mulder what is it?" she said,
kneeling in front of him.

He didn't answer her.

"Mulder you're scaring me." She could see him shaking, but he could
not or would not speak to her.

"Did something happen at work?" Her eyes widened as she considered
what might have happened. "Did you--"

He shook his head, knowing where she was going. No, this had nothing
to do with work or with Samantha. If only it did.

Scully's eyes passed over him. A sense of foreboding fell over her;
whatever it was he had to tell her, it was bad-- so bad that he
couldn't bring himself to speak the words. She tried to help by
walking him through it. "You were at work?"

His response indicated he was so she continued.

"Okay, so then you went and had a few drinks..."

Again, he nodded in response.

"Then you came here..."

This time, he didn't answer.

"No? Then what-- where'd you go after that?" In his silence she tried
to figure out what else it could have been. Maybe, she thought, one of
the shadowy informants that haunted their lives had contacted him; it
would make sense that if he'd gone somewhere after that, it was with
someone's prompting... "Did someone approach you?" She saw a reaction
from him-- something barely perceptible, but evident nonetheless.
"Yes? Is that it? What did they say?"

He shook his head.

Scully watched him, confused. "Okay. You were approached by someone,
but not anyone who had anything significant to tell you..." She
squeezed his hand. "I don't understand, Mulder. You have to tell me
what's wrong. It's all right; just tell me."

The silence was excruciating. As they sat through it, a thought was
forming in the back of her mind, a small black seed working its way
towards the surface. It was a horrible thought and she didn't want to
face it, but she heard herself asking the question anyway, as if the
words were coming out of someone else's mouth. "Mulder did you meet
someone there?"

No nod, no movement at all from him; he appeared to be frozen in
place.

"What did you do, Mulder?" Her heart was falling, falling to the pit
of her stomach and breaking into a million pieces. "What are you
telling me?"

This time, he closed his eyes.

It was all she needed to know.

Shocked and speechless, Scully watched him as he sat unmoving on the
couch, unable to look at her. A minute or so passed as she crouched on
the floor in front of him. At last, she stood and turned to walk away.

Mulder reached for her hand. "Scully--"

"I think you need to leave."

"Listen to me--"

She snatched her hand away. "You need to leave, Mulder," she repeated.
"Right now."

"I want to talk to you, we need to talk--"

"No, *you* need to leave." She placed a hand on her forehead and
rubbed it back and forth. "I have nothing to say." She would not look
at him. "Please, Mulder you need to get out of here. I don't want Lily
to hear this."

Lifting his weight slowly from the couch, Mulder stood and approached
her.

It would've been unbearable to look at him, so Scully kept her eyes
focused on the floor as he neared. She flinched involuntarily as his
hand came to rest on her shoulder.

He withdrew it, staring at her profile for the longest time. As if the
action could convey the depth of emotion he was feeling, he rested a
hand on the back of her neck and leaned into her, pressing his
forehead against her temple.

"Don't..." The word was tight and choked.

"Scully--"

"DON'T," she said, her tone cautioning. Her eyes glistened as she
turned to look at him. "You break my heart, Mulder," she whispered
sadly. "You always have." The words were spoken from her heart, void
of bitterness and anger. It was a simple truth.

Once again he withdrew his hand.

Scully stared at him. Why was he just standing there? Why wouldn't he
go? Part of her felt like crying, yelling at him, but a hollow
sensation, a numbness prevented her from doing either. She just wanted
to be alone. "Please go."

Mulder stood there, wanting to tell her that as horrible as it was, it
wasn't as bad as she was thinking, but was silent. Did it really
matter that he hadn't taken that last step? Maybe it did, but for some
reason he just couldn't find the words.

Realizing he wasn't going to leave unless she physically moved him,
Scully gave up and left herself.

He watched as she turned and walked away, disappearing down the
hallway.

It was impossibly difficult to do, to walk away from him and the pain
she was feeling. She had to though, she had no other option but to
shut down-- for Lily. She went to the child's bedroom and sat near
where she was sleeping. Somehow, looking at her little girl always
made her feel better, even now. When she looked at Lily, it put
everything in perspective. And though her eyes glistened with unshed
tears as she reached for her, Scully smiled wanly and touched her
cheek.

Lily opened her eyes sleepily for just a second, then rolled over onto
her side. Scully stroked her hair.

"Bear wearin' purple," Lily mumbled sleepily.

Scully's smile widened for a second, then her expression sobered as
her thoughts returned to Mulder. She turned to look out into the
hallway. She couldn't deal with this-- not now. She hoped when she
went back out into the living room that he'd be gone.

He was.

******************************

Outside her apartment door, Mulder reclined against the wall and
closed his eyes. Did it matter that he hadn't slept with that woman?
He almost had, had come closer to than he ever thought he would, and
that fact alone had made him realize just how wrong things were
between them. Scully was the one he wanted. The only one. And yet he'd
almost destroyed what they had... it didn't make any sense. Mulder ran
a hand through his hair in frustration. He needed to go back in there
and tell her the truth. But how could he? She would want to know why
he'd let her believe it, and the truth was, he didn't have an answer.

Mulder agonized over these thoughts as he passed through the
building's entryway. Why had he let her think he had gone through with
it? He didn't know. The only thing he did know was that the thought of
not seeing her again made his heart grow cold. They needed to fix
this.

So now what? A day? Two days? A week? How much time did you give
someone? It had only been an hour and already Mulder was going crazy
with the need to see her. The worst part was knowing that the sight of
him would probably only make her feel worse. He had wanted to push her
away, and now he may have very well done just that-- for good. His
heart sank. He was the stupidest person on the planet.

*****************************

Scully peered out through the window at the street below. Mulder was
still out there, pacing. And her hollowness remained. She wanted to be
angry, to hate him, to be devastated by what he had done to them-- but
she couldn't. Why? She looked over her shoulder at the little girl in
bed behind her. Maybe Lily was why. Maybe in some strange way Lily was
shielding her pain, or maybe she was so focused on repairing her
relationship with Lily that she couldn't fully allow herself to feel
the hurt she might otherwise have felt so deeply. Or maybe she simply
was still in shock. Maybe.

******************************

One day was difficult. Two was impossible. By the middle of the second
day, Mulder had to see her. He didn't know what he was going to tell
her, he just knew they needed to talk-- not talking about this was not
going to heal it. And more than anything, he wanted it healed. It was
time to confront her. If he had to break down the door to get her to
speak to him, so be it-- this had gone on long enough.

The courage drained from him as he stood just outside her apartment.
Yes, they needed to talk, but he was really in no position to demand
anything from her, especially not an attempt at reconciliation. Mulder
literally shrugged the doubts off of himself and knocked on the door.
Wondering what kind of reaction he should expect, Mulder rocked back
and forth on his heels. Anger? He could face her fury. Hurt? He would
do whatever it took to heal it. But he was faced with the one thing he
couldn't deal with: her apathy.

She opened the door enough for him to see her face. Her expression was
indiscernible, and he dared to hope that maybe she was ready to talk.
"Hi," he said uncertainly. "You're not answering your phone..."

Without responding, she turned and walked back into the apartment,
leaving the door open for him to enter. He closed the door behind him
and approached her. So far, so good. At least she'd let him in. He
talked to her profile. "Scully I... how are you?" Before he even saw
her eyes close in response he regretted the question. What kind of
stupid thing was that to say? "I mean-- I've been really worried about
you. I want to talk about this, Scully, I want to get past this..."
Not getting a response, Mulder walked around in front of her and
gently tilted her face up to his.

She pulled from him and stepped away. "Don't do that..."

As he stared at her it occurred to him that it was unusually quiet in
the apartment. "Where's Lily?"

"My mother's." She opened her mouth as if to speak, and for a moment
Mulder thought she was going to talk to him. But then it seemed to
pass. She shook her head at the floor.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Talk to me," he pleaded.

Silence.

"I want to talk about this," he tried again.

"There's nothing to talk about Mulder."

"How can you say that, Scully? Of course there's something to talk
about." His voice had started to take on a slightly hysterical tone.
Her continued refusal to talk to him was making him scared, angry. She
couldn't shut him out, it was the one thing he couldn't handle. He had
relied on that lifeline to her feelings to reassure him of his own.
Screaming, yelling-- he deserved it; but her silence was torture.
"What happened with that woman, it's not... I don't know what's been
going on between us, but..."

She continued to stare off into the distance.

"What I'm saying is... I'm just trying to figure out why this
happened. I don't know what was going on, Scully. I don't know what to
do. Scully?"

"What do you want me to say, Mulder? Am I supposed to make you feel
better? Is that what this is about?"

"No--"

"Because if that's what you want, fine: you're forgiven." Her voice
was flat, defeated.

"Scully--"

"I know things haven't been right between us since I came back, I felt
that too. Maybe you ended it when I couldn't."

"You don't believe that," he said; but her words hit home.

Her voice was tight. "Don't presume to tell me what I do or do not
believe."

Mulder swallowed and wondered when he became reigning champion of The
Wrong Thing To Say. "Come on, Scully. Don't shut down on me now.
Please-- talk to me."

She stared off into the distance as the resolve washed over her.

Mulder straightened and altered his course of action. "I want to see
Lily."

Anger and disbelief had turned her eyes a vibrant blue as she turned
to look at him at last. "Don't you dare do this-- don't you use
Lily--"

He had mentioned Lily out of desperation, that was true. But it was
more than that. "Do you really think I would do that, Scully?"

"I don't know what you would do anymore, Mulder."

"Look, what I'm saying is that regardless of what happens between us,
I made a promise to Lily..."

The hurt made her want to throw the fact that he had no biological
ties to Lily in his face, but she bit back the words.

"We need to talk about this for her sake. You know how I feel about
her, Scully." He paused and took a step closer. "How I feel about
you..."

She turned to him suddenly, the venom rushing at him in a flood of
rage. "How you feel about me? Is that some kind of joke?" She shook
her head, incredulous. "Did I ask too much from you Mulder? Was it
more than you were willing to give? Were able to give? Was having an
instant family more than you could handle?"

Mulder shook his head, caught off guard by her sudden tirade. "No..."

"Because I told you from the beginning I didn't expect anything from
you. I told you I could handle this myself, that I was willing to do
this on my own."

"I know--"

"You made your own decisions; I didn't ask you to be a father to
her--"

"I KNOW. Listen, please. I'm sorry--"

"Do you think that matters to me, Mulder?"

He stared at her. There was nothing he could say, because she was
right. It didn't matter what he said or did. What he'd let her think
he did, what he'd actually done, it didn't matter, because either way
he'd not only let Lily down, he'd let himself down... and worst of
all, he'd let Scully down.

She walked to the door and opened it, waiting for him to leave. Mulder
reluctantly complied, but turned to face her just outside the door.
All he could do was stare at her.

She closed the door, and as he stood staring at the door, he saw it
suddenly. The answer was just there, so clearly before him, and he
wondered why it had taken this to make him see it. In that moment, he
finally recognized the thing that had been between them all those
weeks since her return: fear. His fear. The agony of losing her the
first time had almost cost him his soul, but the second time,
something even more sinister had happened-- he'd tried to forget her.
With Lily there to buffer the pain, he'd let himself focus on the
little girl, without whom he'd probably have spent those months
hibernating in his dark apartment locked in his despair. He'd wanted
to put a distance between himself and Scully to make the pain of her
absence bearable, and Lily was the only thing that could've made that
possible. But it had worked too well, and once she'd been returned,
he'd found he couldn't quite get it back.

The irony was now, faced with the reality of not seeing her again, he
could finally see it. He knew what he wanted-- Scully, and what they'd
had together, even if that meant risking losing his sanity if she were
taken again. But it was too late. If he went back and told her the
truth now, it would only make matters worse. She would wonder why he'd
let her think he'd betrayed her, and the answer to that question was
more hurtful than the lie he'd let her believe.

***********************

Scully thought that she might turn what had happened with Mulder into
something positive by enjoying some one on one time with Lily, but it
wasn't that simple. Mulder had been her friend long before he became
her lover and she missed him, in spite of everything. As she sat
watching Lily play on the floor, Scully's eyes drifted up to the
window just above her. The dark and dismal day reflected her mood.

"Want see Daddy..."

Scully sat forward on the couch with her hands locked in front of her.
It was the millionth time since Mulder had been gone that she'd heard
that request, and it still hit her hard every time she heard it. The
two had been inseparable during her absence, and now they hadn't seen
each other in weeks. She knew it must be killing him, but the thought
of seeing Mulder was more than she could bear. She just wasn't ready.

"Mommy..."

Scully's eyes were focused on the floor. She didn't know what to say
to her.

"Mommy..."

What could she say?

"Want see Daddy."

"He's not--" she started, then stopped herself, sick with shame; it
was the one thing she had promised herself she would never do.

And she knew it was wrong to keep her from him.

*****************************

The light from the TV lit his features in harsh lines. Mulder
stretched and pulled his feet up onto the coffee table; he was an hour
into the game but couldn't seem to remember who was playing or what
the score was. Another wild night chez Mulder, he thought wryly, come
on in and enjoy the pity-fest. A knock at the door interrupted his
thoughts and he got up of the couch. "Who is it?"

After a moment, the response came: "Scully."

Mulder quickly flipped on the light before opening the door. For a
moment he was so happy to see her, that all he could do was stare, and
he almost didn't see her companion. He looked down as an excited noise
drifted up from the floor.

Lily's mouth was open in a wide smile as she beamed up at him. She
outstretched her arms to him, bouncing up and down as she did.

"Hey..." Mulder pulled her up into his arms and gave her a hug. His
eyes met Scully's over Lily's shoulder: thank you.

Scully looked away and entered the apartment. She didn't want to be
there, but she had come-- for Lily.

Mulder set Lily back on the floor and closed the door. He turned
around to face Scully as Lily ran around the apartment investigating
various objects. Why had she come? He didn't dare to think...

"Mulder..." Scully cautioned; she could see the hope in his eyes. "I
just... Well Lily wanted to see you, and I didn't think it was fair
for me to keep her from doing so." She stepped closer and lowered her
voice. "I didn't want her to think she did anything wrong." The
implication was clear: SHE hadn't done anything wrong-- HE had. Not
that she needed to remind him of that.

"So, for now, when you want to see her, just call my mom and we'll set
something up."

Mulder's stomach tightened as he tried to imagine that particular
conversation... Hi Mrs. Scully, it's Fox, the cheat who broke your
daughter's heart. Mind if I come over and see your darling
granddaughter? He stared at her: I couldn't just call you?

Scully shook her head back at him. She couldn't... couldn't face
hearing from him like that on a regular basis. At least for now.

****************************

It was more than he could've hoped for, to be able to see Lily again
on a regular basis. And he couldn't help but think this might be a
first step towards healing his relationship with Scully. Still, he
didn't want to push it, so he laid low.

Until he saw him again...

Grocery shopping was a mindless task, and Mulder was on autopilot as
he moved up and down the aisles, picking the usual items off the
shelves. It was late at night, the best time to do that kind of thing
as far as he was concerned, because he could avoid the crowds. His
mind was elsewhere, thinking about what he was going to do with Lily
next time she visited, with the game that was on tomorrow, with the
serious lack of interesting cases at work lately... everything but the
task at hand. But the sight of that man snapped him immediately to
attention. He paused and stared at him, standing at the end of the
aisle. Then Mulder was sure, it was him-- the guy he thought he'd seen
outside the courthouse the day he was granted temporary custody of
Lily, and soon after that at different store. Mulder continued to
stare at him... it *was* the same guy, wasn't it? Or was his paranoia
getting the best of him?

He went down the aisle towards him, and as he did the man turned away
to face the refrigerated dairy cases he was standing in front of.
Mulder moved alongside him.

"Seems like an awful lot of choices for some plain old milk, don't you
think?"

Mulder smiled non-committally and looked back through the case. Okay,
maybe he WAS a little paranoid.

"One percent, two percent, the organic stuff. You know research shows
that Bovine Growth Hormone is completely safe."

Mulder looked back at him.

"'Course, that's what they're saying NOW." He shrugged. "Who knows
what they'll say ten, fifteen years from now."

Mulder's interest was piqued as the man turned to face him.

"That's why longitudinal research is so important."

Mulder shook his head at him; he wasn't quite getting it. "What are
you telling me?"

"Me? Nothing... I'm just making small talk, pal."

Mulder eyed him; he didn't buy that for a second.

"Just pointing out all these healthy choices, you know? Important to
take care of yourself. And your loved ones..."

A pit formed in his midsection, a black hole that seemed to draw all
the oxygen from his lungs. Those words sent him into a state of near
panic... and into flight.

****************************

"Get your things." Mulder breezed by Scully as she stood in her
doorway and started directly for the bedroom.

"What?"

He turned and motioned to her room. "Come on..." When she didn't move,
he walked back to where she was standing and gently took hold of her
arm, leading her toward the bedroom.

"What the Hell are you doing Mulder?" She broke free and stood her
ground.

Mulder turned back around and went to the bedroom without her.

"Mulder! What is going on here?" In the bedroom, he was rummaging
through her closet for her suitcase.

"Where's Lily?"

"It's eleven o'clock, Mulder; she's sleeping."

"Wake her up." He moved past her and headed down the hall to Lily's
room. Scully caught up with him just outside the door but wasn't
successful in beating him to the knob. He went in and bent over Lily's
small bed. "Wake up, Spud," he said softly, then moved to the closet
as she stirred. He pulled her small "Ninja Turtles" suitcase out and
went back to the bed. By the time he got there Lily was sitting up and
had turned on her light. Mulder took out her top dresser drawer and
dumped it on the bed.

Scully watched him, dumbfounded, then finally found her voice again.
"Mulder, have you lost your mind!"

When Lily saw what he was doing, she started helping him stuff things
in her case, commenting on the items as she placed them. "Socks.
Under-wears."

"I'll explain to you when we get there, Scully." Finished, he zipped
up Lily's suitcase and left the room, with the little girl at his
heels.

Scully headed out after them. "Get where??" Back in the living room,
Mulder was zipping up Lily's coat over her p.j.'s. "Okay. Is there
anything else she's going to need?"

Scully stared at him.

"Toothbrush-- I'll get it."

She moved to block him. "Just hold on a minute! We're not going
anywhere with you!"

Lily observed the scene with interest, a finger playing absentmindedly
with her bottom lip.

"I'm not gonna argue with you about this, Scully!" He lowered his
voice and spoke to her through clenched teeth. "This is serious! Look,
I'll explain everything to you later." He disappeared down the hall.

"Daddy's MAD," Lily observed.

Scully turned to face her.

"Okay. I got yours too," Mulder said as he reentered the living area.
He picked up Lily in one arm and her suitcase in the other before
heading towards the door.

Scully continued to stare at him, her resistance starting to wane.
Lily was wrong, he was beyond mad, he was frantic. And he wouldn't
have just barged in in the middle of the night and roused Lily for
nothing. "Wait a second." She went to her desk and unlocked the top
drawer. Clipping her holstered gun to the back of her jeans, she
picked up her coat from the seat it was draped over and looked back up
at him. She hesitated, not quite convinced she hadn't lost her mind,
too. Finally, she nodded. "All right. Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The
Offspring 6: Escape

They drove for three days. Scenery passing by them in a blur of urban
and rural landscapes blended into one another in an indiscriminant sea
of images. Late at night the third day, the motion of the car slowing
woke Scully as she slept in the passenger seat. She was surprised to
see Mulder pulling into a motel parking lot. "What are we doing?"

"Stopping for the night."

They'd been driving for several days, with only the occasional break
to grab a bite to eat and to switch drivers, so Scully wondered why he
wanted to stop now. "If you're tired I can take this shift..."

"No that's all right. I think it's safe to stay here a few nights. I
have to make some phone calls, and besides, Lily needs to sleep in a
real bed."

Scully continued to stare at him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know Mulder." She didn't really believe it, but she asked the
question anyway. "This is really why you brought us here? Why you took
us away?"

He held her gaze. "This isn't about us, Scully."

They both looked over the seat at the little girl dozing in the back,
her mouth open slightly in slumber. No, it wasn't about them at all.

********************

Remembering Mulder's words two days later, Scully had to admit, it
*had* been nice to sleep in a real bed. And, as the water ran gently
over her skin, she thought how great it was to be able to take a hot
shower as well. Two days were all the respite they would get,
however--tomorrow they were planning on starting out again. Mulder had
been pretty tight-lipped about what he had in mind for them, but he
had filled her in about the man in the store and his fears about what
seeing him again might mean. In another time, she might have dismissed
those fears as paranoia; but after all they'd been through, when it
came to dealing with those who had taken her away, she trusted him
with her life.

When she came out of the bathroom, Mulder was packing up their things
in preparation for their departure the next morning. He was folding
Lily's clothes with meticulous care, and she felt the anger warring
against the love she had for him as she watched. How could he have
done this to them? You were both to blame, an inner voice reminded
her. YOU were the one who let yourself get involved with him to begin
with, against your better judgement, and you knew it wouldn't be easy.
Being in love with Fox Mulder condemned you to ride a stormy sea, but
you willingly boarded the boat. The relationship had been complicated
before you slept together-- did you think it would be any different
afterwards? Scully squelched the voice; she'd been over-analyzing the
situation for weeks now and she was sick to death of thinking about
it. "Don't forget these." She picked up Lily's shoes from the floor
and helped him with the packing.

And so it was for three weeks, travelling from one no-name town to
another, with only the occasional stop over to break up the monotony
of being on the road. Most of the time, Lily's chatter kept them
occupied, and they were able to avoid talking to each other. But
Scully found that sometimes, when Lily was asleep in the backseat and
the silence fell, she had the urge to question Mulder about what
happened, to talk to him about it. She absurdly found herself wanting
to know what the woman was wearing and how it had started and how long
it lasted-- every little detail, as if reliving it like that would
exorcise the painful demon. But her questions were not verbalized. She
couldn't bring herself to ask him. As much as she wanted to know, she
couldn't bear to hear it. Besides, their problems had become
secondary. In a way, what had happened between them seemed a distant
memory; protecting Lily was the most important thing-- to both of
them.

Scully turned to look at Mulder, finding she couldn't escape thinking
about what had happened for long. Necessity and being in such close
quarters with Lily had forced them into a truce, but it was fragile
and uncomfortable at best. It was so strange, how much things had
changed in such a short period of time. When she was returned this
last time, everything had just started gathering momentum and spinning
out of control, cumulating with Mulder's liaison with that woman.
Scully closed her eyes and tried to banish the images from her mind.
The fact that she still loved him was the most infuriating part. But
she had always loved him, and probably always would. Mulder had once
said to her that their lives were inextricably wound together through
some act of fate or destiny, and over time, she'd come to believe that
as well. Good times and bad, she knew Mulder would always be a part of
her life. She also knew what he'd done had been a terrible mistake,
one that he would spend the rest of his life regretting. But it didn't
make it any easier to forget.

She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak when she realized
they'd pulled up to another motel.

Mulder turned to face her. "This'll do." He regarded her expression.
"Were you going to say something?"

"No. I just... So are we grabbing a bite to eat?"

Lily scooted forward and poked her head between their seats. "Want
pancakes."

Mulder smiled and met Scully's eyes. "She's got your appetite,
Scully."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him, and their eyes held for a
moment. Scully's expression turned serious again. "So you didn't
answer me..."

"I'm beat; figured we could break for the night."

"Pancakes," Lily reminded him.

"After pancakes, of course."

*************************************

Later that night, Scully came out of the shower and dressed, then went
to get Lily ready for bed. Out in the room, Mulder was playing cards
with her on one of the double beds. She picked up Lily's pajamas from
the chair and went to them. "Come on you, time for bed."

Mulder looked up at her expectantly.

She smirked at him. "Not you, Mulder."

"I got excited there for a minute," he joked, then regretted it-- it
was too soon to joke. But Scully didn't seem to mind, and he was
relieved. What had happened between them seemed a lifetime ago, like
some hazy memory of a dream, and Mulder was grateful for moments like
that, when he could pretend everything was all right between them.

"No time for sleeping yet, Mommy." Lily's tone suggested Scully was
simply mistaken.

She smiled through the stern look she was trying to maintain. "Yes it
is, Lily. Come on now, let's get your p.j.'s on."

Mulder moved from the bed as Scully pulled back the covers. She knelt
on the floor as Lily settled on the bed's edge and started to remove
her shoes. As she was doing so, she suddenly felt Lily's finger come
to rest on the back of her neck.

"Ouch."

Scully reached up to touch the spot and then realized what Lily had
seen-- her scar. Oh God, the chip-- She stood and looked over at
Mulder, their eyes locking as they shared the same thought: they once
suspected that chip had been used as a tracking device... "Mulder..."

He got up and moved to her. "Scully don't panic. Look, we never proved
that, it was only a theory."

"But what if we were right?"

"Scully..."

"What if we were right, Mulder?"

"Even if we were," he stopped, placing his hands on his hips. "There's
nothing we can do about it."

"Yes there is."

He knew where she was going; he shook his head at her.

"Mulder we have to take it out."

"No."

"Mulder--"

"We still don't know if removing that chip caused your cancer,
Scully."

"We don't know that it did, either."

He made a definitive gesture with his hand and started to pace. "No.
You're not taking it out."

"You don't have any right--"

"YOU have no right!" He stopped, glancing uncomfortably at Lily, then
went over to Scully. He led her across the room and whispered to her.
"Being taken away or watching your mother die, Scully. You tell me:
which is worse?"

Scully stared at the wall. "It's an impossible choice, Mulder. You
can't know..."

He nodded at her. "Exactly."

She considered his words. When she looked back up at him, her eyes
were hollow and sad, because he was right.

************************

That night Scully woke with a start, fear gripping her like a fist.
She looked over at Lily sleeping beside her, then at Mulder in the
next bed. Everything seemed quiet, but she couldn't shake the feeling.
She slid quietly from bed and went to rouse Mulder.

He rolled over to face her. "Scully?" He propped himself up on an
elbow. "What's wrong?"

She stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say. Nothing was wrong,
at least, nothing she could substantiate. "I don't know."

He sat up and ran a hand back through his hair. "You don't know?"

The feeling wouldn't go away, and Scully continued to stare at him. "I
guess it's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you." She started to stand, then
hesitated as she became aware of a low humming noise. Mulder heard it
too, and their eyes held as they listened to the sound. They turned
their heads in unison towards the minibar, at first thinking the sound
was coming from the small fridge. As it grew louder, their attention
turned to the window... no, it was definitely coming from outside.

Mulder slid his gun off the night table and disabled the safety. "Stay
here."

The hallway was dimly lit and smelled of cheap carpet as Mulder moved
down to the double doors. Outside, there was a different odor--
something familiar, yet he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
Something... metallic...

With a start he bolted back through the doors and headed down the
hall.

Back in the room, Scully roused Lily. The little girl sat up and
looked around the room, listening to that strange noise. Her
expression changed from curiosity to recognition. "Go Mommy," she
said, placing her hands on Scully's arm and trying to get her to move.
"Hide."

"Lily..." Scully restrained her as she began to squirm in her arms.
"Lily calm down."

"No!" Her eyes were insistent. "No no no no!"

Mulder could hear Lily shouting as he approached. She was sitting up
on the bed when he came in and Scully was trying to comfort her.
"Scully."

She turned to look at him over her shoulder. "Mulder...?"

"We gotta get out of here. Now."

"Why? What--" She didn't get to finish the thought; light flooded the
room, blinding them in a harsh, cold glare. Scully slid to the floor
with Lily to take shelter between the beds.

Mulder hurried to them, covering them both with his own body. A
repulsive warmth encompassed him as the light slid up his back, and
his skin began to tingle. He closed his eyes and gripped Scully and
Lily tighter...

**********************

The ringing in his ears was absurdly loud. For a moment, in the haze
he tried to wake from, he was sure there was an alarm going off
somewhere around him; that noise could not be coming from inside his
head.

But it was. When he finally opened his eyes and looked around, the
dingy green and orange bedspread let him know he was in a motel room,
but he couldn't remember where. He sat up. Scully was lying on the
other bed. Okay, they must have been on the road working on a case...
but what case? And what was Scully doing in the other bed? They were
alone in the room, both fully clothed and apparently unharmed.
"Scully?"

She seemed to have an easier time waking than he had; she slowly
opened her eyes and turned to look at him. "Mulder?" She looked slowly
around the room, then sat up to face him. She couldn't seem to
remember... anything. Her recent past was a blank. "Mulder what
happened?"

He searched his mind for an answer, but there was nothing-- just a
stark emptiness. A strange unease persisted, but he couldn't figure
out why... he and Scully, though a little disoriented, appeared to be
fine. He looked around the motel room-- everything seemed to be in
place. Finally, he looked up at her. "I don't know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The
Offspring 7: Getting to Nowhere 
4/98

Scully was suddenly standing in front of her apartment door, but she
couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. Mulder had dropped her off--
that much she knew. But she couldn't recall getting from the motel
they'd come to in to her apartment building. She looked down towards
one end of the hallway, then the other. It was late, so she wasn't
expecting to see anyone around; but it was unnaturally still. The
sound of her key turning in the lock echoed in the quiet corridor.

She paused just inside her apartment and took in her surroundings. For
some reason they seemed unfamiliar to her. She felt like a stranger
moving through her apartment, looking around as if she hadn't been
there in years. The place felt like *no one* had been there in years.
But that was ridiculous-- wasn't it? Maybe, but she couldn't shake the
feeling that something wasn't right; the apartment was too... sterile.

The phone rang out, causing her to startle. She went to pick it up.
"Hello?"

"Scully it's me."

"Hi." She wondered if her partner was feeling the same way. "What are
you doing?"

"Just settling in. How about you?"

"Same." There was a long pause. Neither of them seemed to want to
break the connection. "Mulder? Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

She pinched the area on the bridge of her nose where her glasses might
have rested. "I feel foolish even asking this..."

Sometime later Scully slid into bed, not at all tired but at the same
time wanting to sleep, to bring an end to this strange day. She
listened to the sound of the TV in the other room as Mulder watched
the news, and once again wondered if he was feeling as out of it as
she was. Maybe he was, since he had agreed to come over and then
offered to bunk down on her couch for the night without asking for an
explanation. It was as if they'd both tacitly agreed that neither of
them wanted to be alone tonight. Slowly, her eyes panned over the
objects in her bedroom. Everything was in order. Perfect order. Had
she always been so meticulous? She didn't think so, and yet... It was
eerie. She turned off the light and, eventually, succumbed to sleep.

*****************************

The loud clanking of pots and pans, of cupboards as they were
carelessly opened and left to bang closed, assaulted Mulder into
wakefulness. He sat up, groggy and confused and tried to get his
bearings. Right-- he was in Scully's apartment. What the hell was that
racket? "Scully?" he called out. Getting no response, he tried again
as he pulled himself off the couch and stumbled to the kitchen.

Scully was in there, but Mulder couldn't figure out what she was
doing; she was frantically pouring through her cabinets. "Scully what
are you doing?" She didn't answer him. "Scully?" Mulder went to her as
she crouched down in front of one of the bottom cabinets, pulling
things out and sending them clamoring across the floor. He took hold
of her shoulders and forced her to face him. "Scully stop it! What's
wrong?"

She looked at him, helpless and confused.

"What are you doing? What are you looking for?"

"I--I don't know..."

"Come here," he said gently, taking her hands in his.

She resisted him. "No, Mulder, I can't. I'm looking..." Her voice
trailed off as she examined the floor around her.

"Looking for what?"

She continued to scan the floor.

"What are you trying to find, Scully?" He smoothed a strand of hair
back off her face. "Tell me and I'll help you."

"I don't know," she said lowly, tears welling in her eyes. "I can't
remember."

"It's all right," he soothed, pulling her to a stand with him. "Come
here, come with me." This time she complied, walking with him to the
couch and taking a seat beside him, but her eyes continued to survey
the dark apartment. Mulder watched her with concern.

"Talk to me, Scully-- let me help you."

"You can't." Her eyes would or could not stop their searching. "You
can't help."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes. No... I don't know, Mulder." His concern deepened; he had never
seen her like this. She was terrified.

"Scully..." he turned her face towards his. Finally, she met his eyes.
"I'm here," he said tenderly, and then felt ashamed; her face so close
to his had caused him to suddenly have the absurd desire to kiss her.
He had no idea where it came from, and yet the urge persisted,
lingering like a sweet memory. It was weird. His eyes slid away from
hers. "Just... take your time. Try and remember what you're looking
for."

She was staring blankly at her hands now, still unable to answer him.
Mulder didn't really believe it, but at the same time was unable to
deny it-- to him, it looked as if she were having some kind of acute
Post Traumatic Stress reaction. His stomach tightened involuntarily.
What had happened to them? Why couldn't they remember? Was it too
horrible to remember? He looked back at her. He knew it was a stupid
question-- neither of them could remember what they'd been working on.
But maybe if he helped guide her back... "Was it something to do with
the case we were working on?"

"The case?" The word echoed in her mind, carrying back to her the
distant sound of their voices. [What are you doing, Scully?][I'm
proceeding with the case...]

He saw it then, something change in her eyes, something that looked
like the dawn of realization.

"I'm proceeding with the case," she said absently, but her eyes were
wide.

"What? Did you hear what I said?" And then he had the strongest sense
of d=8Ej=88 vu, like they'd had this conversation before.

She turned to look at him. "There's nothing wrong with my hearing."

A tiny, single bubble of memory drifted to the surface, and when it
burst, all the memories came flooding back with it...

And they remembered.

Scully couldn't breathe; she clutched her stomach, the heartache she
felt strong enough to be registering as physical pain. "Oh my God
Mulder..." She turned to look at him. "Lily..." It was too much; her
sense of reality was spinning away from her, unraveling her sanity,
and she wanted to die.

****************************

"Scully?"

This time his voice sounded odd-- far away and muffled. Had she
fainted? He called her name again, and then she could feel his hand on
her face, pulling her through the thick haze of sleep.

Sleep? Her eyes snapped open and she pushed herself up onto her
elbows. A tremendous sense of relief settled over her; dreaming--she'd
been dreaming. "Mulder..." She looked around the room quickly until,
at last, her eyes settled on what they had been seeking; Lily was
wandering back in from the bathroom.

They were all still there in the dingy motel, safe-- for now.

"Scully are you all right? You were having a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" No, that was wrong--it wasn't a nightmare. It was
something much stronger, much more vivid. Exactly like what she'd
experienced the night Lily was taken away...

She got up quickly and started gathering Lily's things. "Come on,
Sweetie, get your shoes on."

"Not morning time, Mommy."

"I know but we have to go," Scully said as she continued to pack their
things. She glanced up and caught Lily looking at Mulder for
confirmation. A knife through the heart could not have affected her
more. She swallowed. "You can sleep some more in the car, okay?"

"What are you doing Scully? It's two a.m."

"We have to get out of here, Mulder."

Taking off in the middle of the night was becoming a matter of course
for Lily, and she took it in stride. Pulling her jacket from the back
of a chair, she worked at putting it on. But her coat wouldn't
cooperate, and Lily tried to pull her arm from the wrong sleeve she'd
put it in.

"What are you talking about, we're safe here."

"No, we're not. Not anymore. We have to leave."

"How do you know that?"

"Look I'm not going to waste time arguing with you. We're leaving; are
you coming or not?"

Mulder looked at her, and he trusted her enough not to push it. He
started helping Lily with her coat.

******************************

Mulder's contacts proved to be an invaluable resource for them on the
road. And, he'd managed to procure them a place to stay-- a long-term
hide out tucked safely away in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately,
nowhere wasn't easy to get to.

The bus rolled slowly along, a trail of dust spooling out in its wake
in the dull countryside. They'd been on that bus for what seemed like
hours and Scully didn't think the scenery had changed one bit. As she
shifted against unyielding fabric, she found herself wishing they
hadn't decided on ditching their rental car so quickly. Scully looked
from the window to the seat beside her and smiled; at least Lily was
enjoying herself. A young Native American gentleman with a long dark
ponytail had been fascinating the little girl with card tricks and
slights of hand since he got on in Fairview. He smiled across the
aisle at her encouragement: "You do that again please." As he obliged,
Scully sat forward to see if she could catch sight of Mulder. The bus
was packed and he'd had to take a seat somewhere up front. Since he
was the only one who knew how to get where they were going, she didn't
want to lose him. She smiled inwardly. Not that Mulder would ever let
them get lost.

"I try it, okay?"

Scully turned her attention back to Lily as she attempted to shuffle
cards that were two sizes too big for her small fingers and hands. Her
tongue poked out the side of her mouth in intense concentration.

"Scully."

They turned toward Mulder as he came to rest in the aisle before them.

"Look!" Lily held out the cards to him. "Sufflin'! Henry show me."

Mulder met the man's smile with one of his own. "I think she's ready
for Vegas, Henry." He turned his attention back to Scully and
indicated the station they were pulling up in front of. "This is it."

Lily hopped off the last stair as Mulder and Scully followed her off
the bus. She ran off to investigate a nearby pile of crates. Mulder
watched as a large horsefly emerged from one of the slats and hovered
around her head. Lily gasped, a little startled, then smiled. "No can
get me, bee!" she taunted, running around to avoid it. She ran into
Mulder and wrapped her arms around his leg. "Bee get me!"

Mulder smiled at her. "That's not a bee, Spud. It's a fly."

"Shoo fly."

Scully stood on the platform as Mulder released himself from Lily's
hold and started pulling their bags from beneath the bus. She took the
opportunity to survey their surroundings. The "platform" they were
standing on was actually the back delivery ramp of some greasy spoon.
A heavy, deep-fried odor was emanating from the back door of the
diner, and Scully found herself craving some fries. What she wouldn't
give to see some golden arches. But as they rounded the building and
approached the entrance, Scully realized that if she wanted to eat,
this would have to be the place. The pitiful strip of stores that made
up the better part of town only had one restaurant, and they were
standing in front of it. Her lips compressed in disapproval. Welcome
to Mayberry...

"What?"

Scully didn't realize she'd said it out loud. "I said 'Welcome to
Mayberry'."

"Derry, actually."

"Close enough." The rest of the buildings were blended together in
muted reddish clay and dark wood. Scully hadn't thought towns like
that really existed except in dime store Western novels. "What are we
doing, Mulder?"

He indicated a long building at the end of the strip that was detached
from the rest. A neon sign with missing black letters was posted out
front: "Welcom to the erry Moto Lo g "

"Oh, the eerie moto log. How appropriate." Her empty stomach and the
stifling heat were conspiring to make her feel light-headed and
punchy.

"Don't knock it Scully, a hot shower and fresh sheets sound pretty
good to me."

Scully regarded him as he smiled back at her, the shadow of three-day
stubble darkening his jaw and a dry breeze blowing through his hair;
he contrasted sharply with the intense sunlight beating down on them.
The color rose in her cheeks as he continued to stare at her.

"We eat now, okay? Hungry."

"Yeah," Mulder responded. "Yeah we can eat. Why don't you two go in
and order, I'll go get us a room."

Scully's eyes continued to pass over the mundane landscape of the town
that would be their temporary home. Her eyes came to rest on the small
salon across the street with an old wooden sign on its face: "Pearle's
Curl Up & Dye." Wonderful. An image came to her suddenly of seeing
herself exiting the "Curl Up & Dye" with a lovely new bee-hive hairdo.
She looked down at Lily and saw her with the same dreadful style, and
stifled a laugh.

Mulder looked at her, surprised. "What?"

Embarrassed, Scully tried to keep her expression serious, but when she
looked back at Mulder all she could see was her partner with sideburns
and a pompadour that would put The King to shame. She put a hand over
her mouth.

"What's gotten into you Scully?"

She avoided his eyes. "I think I've been in this heat too long," she
muttered, regaining her composure at last. She reached for Lily's
hand.

Mulder stared at her, intrigued and a little enraptured by her
uncharacteristic behavior. More than anything, he wanted to see more
of that side of her. He wished she would let him in.

"We'll meet you inside."

He watched as they headed off.

Scully and Lily made their way into the restaurant and slid into one
of the booths. Several minutes later Mulder joined them. "Well, we're
all set. I didn't have any trouble getting us a room; apparently this
isn't their busy season," Mulder joked.

"Mulder what are we doing?"

"I told you--"

"No, you didn't. I mean what are we doing, really?"

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "Some people
launder money, Scully; we're laundering our identities. In a manner of
speaking."

"I don't understand."

"It's only temporary." Mulder paused as the waitress placed their
plates in front of them, then filled Scully in a bit as they worked on
their sandwiches.

She passed a napkin over her mouth. "How are we supposed to get out
there?"

"There should be a truck waiting for us tomorrow morning outside the
motel. So, we'll camp here for the night, and tomorrow head out to our
final destination."

"And we can stay there indefinitely?"

"Absolutely. Like I said, this place will be ours for as long as we
need it."

"And how long do you think *that* will be?" she asked uncertainly.

The waitress interrupted them. "You want to take that with you?" She
indicated the small tower of bread and lettuce Lily was constructing
with their leftovers.

Mulder reached for his wallet. "No we're all set."

As they gathered their things to leave, Scully observed the waitress
behind the counter and the few patrons scattered around the tables
eyeballing them. In his rush to get to them, Mulder hadn't packed a
suitcase for himself either, and was still wearing his suit. Scully
was dressed a little more casually, but they still stood out. Rumpled
as they were, there was no doubt about it-- they looked like a couple
of feds. They were going to need some clothes.

***********************

Scully paced in the motel, waiting for Mulder to return. She glanced
at Lily as she sat on the floor in front of the bed watching "Doug",
then back at her watch. Mulder had been gone a few hours, and
should've returned by now. Just as she was getting ready to take Lily
and go look for him, he came through the door, balancing several bags
and a box of pizza.

"Sorry it took so long. You guys hungry?"

"Yes please, pizza," Lily answered.

"Mulder where have you been? We've been waiting for hours."

"I had a lot to get done, Scully."

"I imagine you could hit every store in town and still only spend 30
minutes-- tops," she said wryly.

"Well," he said, rummaging through one of the bags, "I had some
trouble picking out these..." Mulder pulled out a dress and handed it
to Scully.

She stared at it, a simple cotton garment with a tiny floral design.
"You've got to be kidding."

He smiled and pulled a similar, smaller dress from another bag and
gave it to Lily. She looked from her mother to Mulder and back to the
dress. "Yuck," she commented.

"So much for my taste in clothes."

Scully threw the dress over a chair. "I'm with Lily, Mulder. Couldn't
you have just bought some jeans or something?"

"A woman in pants is still a source for scandal in these parts,
Scully."

"That's ridiculous." She watched as he started to pass out slices of
pizza. "Isn't it?"

He smiled in response and handed Lily her soda.

"Thanks." Lily took hold of the straw and started pulling it in and
out of the lid to make a squeaking noise.

Scully reached out and placed her hand on top of it, her patience
nearing its limit. "Stop that, Lily." She turned her attention back to
Mulder as Lily folded her arms in front of her and sat back in the
chair, giving Scully her best you-never-let-me-have-any-fun look.
"Well anyway, we need to talk."

"What about?"

"You told me what we're doing, but you haven't told me why you think
this is going to work."

"Not now." His eyes drifted to Lily and back. "Later."

Scully watched as he took a seat next to Lily and helped her with her
pizza. He seemed to do that kind of thing without even thinking. It
was the kind of thing someone who'd spent a lot of time with a kid
would do. It was the kind of thing a father would do.

The conflicting emotions rose in her once again. As much as she
respected the relationship Mulder had with Lily, there was always that
part of her that was a little bit jealous of it. If her own
relationship with Lily were recovered, it probably wouldn't bother her
at all. But the fact that she was still struggling with her daughter
made it difficult to watch.

*******************************

"Mulder..." Scully didn't want to put it off any longer; several hours
had passed and it was fast approaching midnight.

He glanced over at Lily, and seeing that she was finally sleeping
soundly, he got up and moved to the table. He motioned for Scully to
join him.

"Do we have some kind of plan?" she asked, taking a seat across from
him.

Mulder nodded. "I'm going to go back and make things right. I'm going
to fix this."

"*You're* going ...?"

"I want you and Lily to stay here."

"Mulder--"

He held up a hand to her. "It's not safe for you two to go back."

"And it is for you?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "But I'll be able to do more
alone."

Scully lowered her eyes momentarily, feeling frustrated but at the
same time knowing she needed to stay and protect Lily. "What do you
have in mind, Mulder?"

Leaning forward on the table, he lowered his voice and regarded her
intensely. "If we assume what our friend told you is correct, and
you-- possibly Lily, too-- are part of some longitudinal... 'research'
project, then it would be important to collect data at regular
intervals."

"I'm not following you."

"Okay. You know that with longitudinal research it's important to
gather your data at specific intervals, and that all your subjects are
tested at those same intervals."

"Right..."

"So if you were unable to gather data on a subject at the right time,
it would effect your data--"

"And make the subject unviable."

He nodded at her across the table. "Exactly."

"But Mulder, we've already considered the possibility that Lily was
returned to distract us somehow, just like my own initial
disappearance." She still couldn't bring herself to use the word
'abduction'. "The research is most likely incidental."

"Her value as a research subject could be secondary, Scully. I've
thought about that, too. But I think that while she may have initially
been returned as a distraction, why would she be taken and returned
again? And what about the other girls? I think the reasons you both
were initially taken are no longer as important as the reason behind
the subsequent abductions."

Scully's eyes fell to the table as she let it sink in. If Lily lost
her value as a test subject, she might not get taken again. My God, if
he was right... "But I don't understand-why do you have to go back
then? Why don't we just keep moving until the testing window passes?"

"How would we know for certain? I want to make absolutely sure that it
has. Or that it will." He glanced down at the table as Scully's gaze
held him. They both knew that the next scheduled testing window could
be years away. Quite possibly when Lily reached her teen years. "I'm
not planning on being gone that long, Scully. Just until I can be sure
neither of you will be taken again."

Scully was having a hard time imagining being in exile with Mulder;
having to do it without him was devastating. But she knew he was
right-- there was no other way.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 8: Illusion 5/98

The next morning brought a fresh start, and with it came a sense of
hope. The trepidation she'd felt the night before was replaced with
optimism in the plan they had. It wasn't going to be easy, but if it
worked, it would be well worth it, and Scully found her mood was
brighter than it had been in weeks. But there were still some details
to work out.

The sound of running water in the bathroom signaled that Mulder was
already up; she pulled the covers back and slid out of bed. As she
did, she saw that once again Lily had abandoned their bed to be close
to Mulder. I will not do this, Scully thought. I will not begrudge my
daughter the love she feels for the man calls Daddy. She took a deep
breath and inevitably felt a smile surfacing as she watched Lily
sleep, curled up amidst the tangled sheets. She stood and leaned in to
kiss her forehead before moving to the window.

Scully appeared in the doorway as Mulder shaved, folding her arms in
front of her and leaning against the jamb. She kept her voice low.
"There's not a truck outside yet."

"There will be." He ran the razor along his jaw, clearing away the
last of the foam, and rinsed his face.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Aside from you, Scully," he said to her reflection, "there are only
three people in this world that I trust absolutely."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "That many?"

"A guy can't be too careful." The last of the shaving cream wiped from
his face, Mulder smiled at her over his towel. Their eyes held and,
for just a moment, it felt like old times. His heart soared at her
playfulness, but then her expression turned solemn once more.

"As fond as I am of them, Mulder, they just don't strike me as the
most reliable people..."

He moved to stand with her in the doorway and tried to get her to play
again. "Even Frohike?"

The corner of her mouth turned up the slightest bit-- success.
"Especially Frohike," she said.

Continuing past her, Mulder went to the window and peered through the
curtain. He motioned for Scully to come and look. She stood in front
of him as he held the tattered fabric aside. An old rusty pick-up
truck was parked out front.

Scully turned her face up towards his. "How did you do that?"

*********************************

The truck rumbled its way along the dusty roads. Scully suspected the
shock absorbers for this particular vehicle had called it quits
somewhere back in the late 70's, and every time they hit a bump the
three of them jolted skyward in unison. No seatbelts either.

Mulder wiped a hand along the thigh of his jeans to clear the sweat
from it as he drove. The dress shirt he'd spent the better part of
their journey in had permanent creases in the sleeves from wearing
them rolled and he'd left his suit jacket somewhere around the fourth
stop on their bus route. So he was glad to be rid of them when he
bought the tee shirt and jeans in town.

A trace of a smile appeared on his lips as he recalled Lily picking up
his old shirt from the motel floor after he'd finally changed. She'd
held the thing out in front of her with two fingers as if she were
handling biohazardous material. "Eeewww... funky," she'd said. He and
Scully had looked at each other, and for a moment Mulder thought she
was going to grace him with her laughter, but instead she said through
her smile, which was the next best thing, "Where does she hear that
stuff?"

"Don't look at me-- it's all that TV she watches."

"Mulder?" Scully's voice interrupted the memory.

He looked over at her as she braced the dash with one hand and the
roof with the other.

"What?"

"What what?"

"You were smiling," she said.

"Oh. It's nothing."

Scully recalled the incident outside of "Pearl's" and wondered if they
both weren't losing their minds.

At last they hit a stretch of tarred road and relaxed against the
seats. They enjoyed a comfortable silence until Lily piped up from in
between them. "Hey guys," she said, her tone suggesting it had only
just occurred to her. She displayed her hands questioningly, "Where my
toys go?"

Mulder and Scully exchanged a smile.

"You're just thinking of that now, Lily?" Scully asked.

"Yes." The moment passed and she was on to other things. "Gotta pee."

"Can you hold it for a few minutes more? We're almost there."

Scully looked at him. "We are?" She didn't think they looked like they
were almost anywhere.

"No can wait, Daddy. You stop please."

Mulder obliged, and as Scully helped her, he took the opportunity to
look at his map again. He knew their destination wouldn't be on it,
but he was looking for some sort of landmark that might at least
signal that they were close. The thing was, there weren't many
landmarks at all; the flat and unchanging countryside allowed you to
see for miles, and there wasn't anything in sight. Frustrated and
exhausted, he started to pull out his cell phone, but hadn't quite
brought it up to his ear when the small device was yanked from him.

Scully stuffed the phone back into the bag. "Don't you ever learn?"
she asked, but her tone was amicable.

Of course, she was right. Days on the road with little sleep was
starting to take its toll on him and he wasn't thinking clearly. "I
was going to try and get some directions from triple A," he joked.

"Nice try." She helped Lily back into the truck. "All set."

They drove for another ten minutes and failed to come across anything
that even remotely resembled a driveway when Scully finally asked,
"Mulder are you sure about this?"

"No, I'm not," he said shortly, then slowed the truck and turned
around; maybe they'd passed it...

They were all losing their patience, and Lily was no exception. "We
here yet?"

"Not yet," they said in unison.

"Hot."

"I know you're hot, Spud. We'll be there soon-- try to hang in there."

**************************

"Finally," Scully breathed as they came across a dilapidated old
mailbox almost half an hour later. Mulder turned the truck onto a
dusty driveway they could barely distinguish from the road, and after
several minutes had passed a house appeared in the distance. Scully
got a better look at it as they neared. Not too bad, she thought. An
old, large farmhouse, a little weather-beaten but overall, in pretty
good condition. And there were several outbuildings including a barn.
"Big place," she commented.

Mulder nodded in agreement as he pulled the truck to a stop. He helped
Lily out of the cab but his eyes followed Scully as she got out her
side and headed for the house. He would never admit it to Scully, but
the dress she found so loathsome he found feminine and flattering and
extremely sexy. She reached the porch and climbed the steps, and
Mulder couldn't help it, the way the thin cotton garment swayed
against her legs was mesmerizing, teasing him with vivid memories of
the sex they'd had. So he stood there, helpless to do anything else
but gawk at her like a fool.

She turned to face him as she reached the door.

Mulder continued to stare at her, and in a moment of panic was sure
she had read his thoughts.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Key?"

"What? Oh, yeah." He reached into the truck and pulled the visor down.
A single key dropped onto the seat.

"Where'd Lily go?"

Mulder pointed to the side of the house, where Lily was picking
flowers out of Scully's line of sight. She ran around to join Mulder
as he approached the porch.

Scully slipped the key into the lock but the knob resisted as she
tried to turn it. She pushed at the old door, but it was more solid
than it looked and did not give way easily.

Things were supposed to have been set up, but as he watched Scully
struggle with the door, Mulder suspected it had been quite some time
since anyone had passed through it. He reached around her to help her
push at the door.

Scully tensed as he came against her, then relaxed, for just a moment
letting herself enjoy the feel of his body as it moved against her
back, warm and familiar... but then, the images were there again,
images of Mulder and a woman her imagination had come to construct as
The Drop Dead Gorgeous Perfect Specimen Of The Female Of The Species.
She shoved him back with her shoulder, still gripping the knob with
both hands. "I've got it," she snapped.

Stepping back with hands raised in deference, Mulder wondered at her
reaction. Was she that repulsed by his touch? Apparently, as the only
alternative was that he had been effecting her somehow, and that might
mean...

"This is some safe house you've got us, Mulder; we can't even get in
to it."

Mulder stepped alongside her in an exaggerated attempt not to touch
her, eliciting a frown, then motioned for her to step aside so he
could try it.

She moved away from the door.

Mulder worked at the knob, with Lily endeavoring to help him by
pushing against the door. It protested with a sharp screech, and then
with a final shove he stepped abruptly into the room as the door gave.

They moved inside. The place was as hot and dry inside as it had been
outside, only without the comfort of a breeze.

"Oh my God," Scully lamented.

"It'll be fine once we air it out." Mulder moved to one of the windows
and tried to open it, but it appeared to be as stuck as the front door
had been. Applying more force, he tried again, at the same time trying
to avoid Scully's withering gaze. "Just needs a little elbow grease,"
he murmured. The frame budged at last and with a final grunt Mulder
hoisted it up as far as it would go. A fresh breeze billowed into the
room. "There, that's better."

Lily, who had been watching him with amusement, turned her attention
to her new surroundings. She ran to the old TV and peered underneath
it. After a moment, she looked back up at Mulder. "Where 'tendo?"

"There's no Nintendo here, Spud," he answered. "Hey you want some
water for those flowers?" he said, pointing to the puny bouquet of
three blossoms that were already wilting in her tiny fist.

Lily nodded and handed them to Mulder before heading back outside to
pick some more.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, Scully could see there were several
religious items scattered among the antiquated furnishings. A crucifix
on the wall, a rosary hanging from a light fixture, and the worst-- a
God-awful black velvet picture of Jesus above the mantel. Scully made
a mental note that that hideous portrait would be the first to go. She
followed Mulder into the kitchen and held up the rosary to him when he
turned to look at her.

He shrugged in response. "Whatever help you can get, right?"

Scully's eyes perused the kitchen. It was large and must have been
something in its day; but now it was only drafty and outdated. It was
a lot brighter than the rest of the house seemed to be though, and she
was grateful for that.

Mulder stuck the flowers in a small glass of water and went to the
back door. He was pleased when it opened easily. Smiling mildly as he
watched Lily running around in the back yard, he marveled at her
energy. It was a source of constant fascination for him; her life
force was powerful and you couldn't help but share her exhilaration
when you were with her. Lily lived life full throttle, and it was
intoxicating to watch.

Scully scanned the appliances, recalling just how far from
civilization they were. "Mulder... this place doesn't even have a
dishwasher."

He turned to look at her. "Sure it does." He approached her with a
smile, carefully taking her wrists and holding up her hands.

Scully withdrew her hands and looked away, silently reprimanding
herself for letting him effect her the way he did. "Right."

"Hey guess what guys!" Lily exclaimed as she pushed open the back
screen door. "Chickens!"

Scully studied the floor for a beat, then cleared her throat before
looking back at Mulder. "Chickens?"

"Oh... I didn't mention there were chickens?"

"No, you didn't..." A thought occurred to her. "You don't think it's a
little weird that there's a shed full of chickens on an abandoned
farm?"

"And gardens too." He smiled at her confounded expression. "You're not
a David Copperfield fan, are you Scully? Illusion is half the game."

"So there's a caretaker on the property?"

"Not while we're here."

He went to the window and peered out. "Looks like there're some sort
of feeding instructions tacked to the barrel in front."

"I have to FEED them?"

"Not unless you want a shack full of dead chickens," he joked, trying
to get her mood to lighten. It wasn't working. "Look, I'm sure it's
not that difficult, and it won't be for too long."

God willing, she thought.

"Who this guy, Mommy?" Climbing up on a stool to get to her flowers,
Lily had come across a small plastic statue of the Virgin Mary on the
shelf above the stove. It was one of those tacky things you found at
flea markets and the sun had bleached most of the blue from her robe,
but Scully recognized it just the same. Twelve years of parochial
school could do that to a person. "It's um..." Scully felt a stab of
guilt at not having fulfilled her responsibility of educating Lily on
her faith. It had been such a strong part of her own childhood, but
she hadn't shared that part of herself with Lily at all. Though there
was a time she'd made an effort-- went to church more, even started
going to confession on a regular basis-- the truth was, the conflict
between her faith and her science was something she never quite
reconciled. But now was not the time for a catechism
lesson--especially with Mulder watching-- so Scully gave her what she
thought would be an easy answer. "It's an angel."

"An angel?"

"Yes, you know... um..."

Lily continued to watch her, waiting for her mother to explain.

"An angel is a messenger from God."

"God?" she persisted.

Scully stared at her. "I'll tell you all about that sometime, Lily,"
she evaded, "but not today, okay?" Scully cringed at her own words;
she might as well have tried the equally lame "because I said so..."

Lily watched her mother, not satisfied.

"Come on, Scully-- why don't you tell her? I think I'd like to hear
it, too."

Scully refused to look at him. This was one area that she and Mulder
had never seen eye to eye on. That he could believe in numerous
unexplained phenomena yet not have the faith to believe in God was
bewildering to her. Conversely, Mulder couldn't understand how someone
who upheld science as sacred and proof as truth could exhibit such
blind faith. They'd given up discussing it a long time ago. But she
knew he was getting a kick out of seeing her have to explain it to her
daughter, and was irritated that it was amusing him. His light mood
was even more annoying. She cleared her throat. "God? God is... um..."
She dared to glance at Mulder.

"Go on," he goaded, then took a seat at the table.

"Well. Lily. You see..." She tried to command the words, but
omnipotence and faith were simply not concepts Lily would be able to
understand. "God is a being who lives in heaven, and um--"

"Excuse me..." Mulder raised his hand tentatively, feigning a serious
expression. "Yes, I was just wondering, could you define 'being' and
'heaven' in scientific terms?" Leaning back in his chair, he folded
his hands together and settled them behind his head. He indicated for
her to continue. "If you would."

The urge to kick the chair out from under him was overwhelming, but
Scully refrained; she glowered at him instead.

Lily had had it with the both of them. She waved her hands in a
gesture of exasperation. "Okay never mind."

Having just been scolded by a three-year-old, Mulder and Scully
exchanged a guilty look.

Mulder got up from the table suddenly and started going through the
cabinets.

"Mulder...?" He didn't respond, and Scully couldn't help but think of
the dream she'd had. "What are you looking for?"

His expression changed as he came across it. "Hey-- what's this here,
Lily?"

She looked over, cocking her head to see around the open door, but it
was too high and too far away for her.

"I think you might know this guy..." Two fuzzy ears peeked around the
cabinet door, then two glassy brown eyes, then a round black nose...

"Bear!" She scrambled off her chair and went to him.

Mulder smiled and pulled the stuffed animal the rest of the way out.
He supposed someday he'd have to break it to her that Bear was really
a monkey, but not today.

Lily took her toy from him and hugged it. She beamed at him. "Thank
you, Daddy."

"Me? I didn't do anything; I think he followed us. Did you teach him
how to drive?"

"You stop that!" she admonished, smiling widely.

As she headed off to investigate the rest of the house, Scully
regarded Mulder with bewilderment. Just how had he managed that little
trick?

He smiled as he passed by her, leaning in to whisper, "Danny."

"Oh so there are four?" she teased, indicating their conversation on
how many people Mulder trusted.

He turned back slightly as he followed Lily into the other room. "Well
that was a conservative estimate, Scully."

"So I see." She stared after him for a long moment, then turned her
attention to her temporary home. The old refrigerator was humming
loudly as Scully approached, but she was pleasantly surprised to see
the inside was clean and cool, and stocked with food. So...apparently
Danny had been commissioned to bring food and supplies as well. Okay,
Scully thought, maybe it's not going to be so bad after all. And even
if it was, she was determined to make the best of it.

*********************************

Later that night, after Scully had put Lily to bed, she went
downstairs to find Mulder had just finished lighting a fire. Though
the days were oppressively hot, the nights were surprisingly cool, and
the warm fire was a comfort. She approached him as he knelt by the
mantle. "Lily's all tucked in."

Mulder dusted his hands off and stood. "I'm gonna go up and say
goodnight."

Lily was waiting for him upstairs, lying still in the bed. Scully had
tucked the sheets in snugly around her. Mulder smiled and went to her.
Knowing that she didn't like to be tucked too tightly because she got
overheated, he pulled the sheets loose so she could put her feet out.
"Thank you, Daddy."

"No problem," he said, taking a seat on the bed.

She watched him for a moment, then sat up. "Where you goin'?"

"I told you Spud. I have to go back home for a while."

"Me too. I go with you, okay?"

He shook his head at her. "No, you need to stay here with your
mother."

"No want stay here." She scrunched up her face and itched her arm.
"Bed's scratchy."

Mulder smiled. "The bed is scratchy?" He picked up her stuffed animal
from the pillow beside her. "What does Bear think about that?"

She took Bear from him and held him up, rubbing his back. "No scratchy
for him, Daddy," she explained, "got fur, see?"

Mulder's heart was breaking; he was going to miss Lily and her little
conversations more than anything. He wondered how it could be that
someone he'd known for such a short period of time could have taken
possession of his heart so completely. His throat began to tighten
with emotion, and not wanting Lily to see him sad, he held out his
arms to her. "I have to go now, Spud; give me a hug."

She complied, but was reluctant to let him go.

***********************************

Scully was waiting for him when he got back to the living room, curled
up on a chair in front of the fire. The warm light slid along the
strands of her hair, her pale skin radiant in the glow; she was in
that moment a portrait of shattering beauty. It made it all the more
difficult to have to leave. He cleared his throat to signal his
presence, then reached for his coat. "All right. I guess I better get
going."

Her eyes widened. "You're leaving now?"

Shrugging on his jacket, he turned to face her and nodded.

"I thought you'd at least stay the night..."

"No, I want to get things moving."

She stood from the chair. "How are you getting back?"

"There's a car in the barn. I'll take that; the truck will stay with
you guys."

Scully watched him as he gathered his things. "Mulder how are we
supposed to contact you?"

"You can't. It's too risky."

Scully swallowed. There was no other way, she knew, but that thought
left her filled with dread.

He walked over to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Listen to
me, Scully, you can't risk contacting anyone-- not your mother, not
me-- no one." He could see the worry etched in her features. "I know.
But you and Lily will be safe here; we can't do anything to jeopardize
that."

Mulder's gaze was steady as he held her eyes; on this one thing, he
had no doubts. He could look into the eyes of the woman he risked
never seeing again, and be happy because she would be safe. He brought
up a hand to touch her face, then hesitated, unsure if it would be all
right. He seemed to decide it was, and gently rested his fingers along
her cheek.

It was an unspoken farewell she could hear as clearly as if he'd
actually said the words. She wanted to reach up and take his hand, to
reciprocate in some way, but the hurt that was still there kept her
from doing so. Her eyes fell to the floor and back. "How long should
we wait? Are we supposed to wait here indefinitely?"

Mulder continued to stare at her: he didn't have an answer. Obviously,
he would return as soon as he possibly could, but he had no idea how
long it might take. The question was left unanswered.

*******************************

Several nights later, staying over in yet another dingy motel, Mulder
tossed and turned in his bed. He folded his pillow in half, fluffed it
up, kicked the sheet untucked to free his feet, but not being able to
sleep had nothing to do with how comfortable or uncomfortable he was
feeling. Worry was a powerful stimulant. What if he couldn't do it?
What if he failed and one of them was taken again? It was a tremendous
responsibility... but one that Scully refused to let him bear alone.
Mulder admired her strength. He didn't think he'd be able to handle
seeing her go off if he'd been the one to stay. But this is what
they'd decided; he knew she'd agreed because she needed that time with
Lily, could not face any more time apart from her. And, she simply did
not have the contacts and resources he did. So she would stay and look
after Lily and he would go back and confront the people who could make
the abductions stop. Together, they would make this right. He would do
whatever it took. He had to-- for Lily; for her laughter which Mulder
could only imagine was like her mother's; for her sweet little voice
and unrelenting curiosity. For the great person she deserved to grow
up to be. And, of course, for her mother. "I miss you, Scully," he
whispered through the darkness, but he was alone in the night.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 9: Rewards

Living in Mayberry was everything Scully expected it to be. The
unfamiliar sounds of cicadas kept her up all night for the first few
weeks; one of the rabbit ears on the old black and white TV was broken
and it only got three channels; she'd encountered spiders you could
saddle; and as if that weren't enough, the days were miserably hot and
she was tired of being sweaty.

Glancing up through the window above the sink to check on Lily, Scully
would've given anything for an air conditioner. Or a dishwasher. Her
eyes moved around the yard, but Lily was not in sight, so she shook
the water from her hands and went to the front of the house to look
out the window. And there she found her, standing just before the
field that lay between their house and main road, staring out towards
it, completely still except for the gentle breeze that ruffled her
hair. Scully had seen her do that several times since their arrival.
She knew what Lily was doing-- looking for Mulder.

Scully knew because she did the same thing.

As the little girl ran around to the back of the house, Scully
returned to her dishes. She smiled as she watched Lily in the yard,
examining a small toad in the grass. She crouched down and extended
her finger to touch it, but it hopped away. Not dissuaded, she stood
and took another step, once again crouching down and pushing her
finger towards it. Scully smiled as she watched Lily repeat the ritual
over and over, until the disgruntled toad disappeared into a nearby
tree trunk. Nonplussed, she headed off for the old barn and
disappeared behind it.

Scully waited for her to reappear, resisting the temptation to go
after her; often she had to force herself to allow Lily out of her
sight for even a second. Her overprotectiveness was justified, but it
wasn't going to help her little girl grow up to be well-adjusted and
independent. And they were safe on the farm.

Just then Lily emerged from around the barn, and immediately ran for
the house. Scully dried her hands on her jeans and went to the back
screen door to meet her. "What's up you?"

"You come here please, Mommy. Want show you something."

Scully followed her little girl out behind the barn, wondering what
she'd gotten into. She seemed to make a new discovery almost hourly,
and today was no exception.

"See!" Lily ran to an old feed bin with a large whole along the bottom
and pointed inside.

"What did you find, Lily?" Scully got down on all fours to peer inside
the bin, then waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark. Her heart
sank at what she saw; all she could think was oh no, not something
else she would have to be responsible for feeding. But she had to
admit, they were really cute...

"Kittens, Mommy, kittens!" Lily bent closer, squeezing in next to
Scully, and pointed to one of the kitten's front paws. She looked back
up and smiled.

Scully smiled back. "Mittens."

*****************************

Scully watched Lily with amusement as they walked back to the house,
kitten in tow. Lily was having the time of her life; the place was a
city kid's dream. And as she left Lily for the chicken coop, she
wished she could say the same for herself.

She kept busy during the day, but the nights were long. At least
during the day she could keep her mind off things. It wasn't difficult
to do, the safe house Mulder had arranged for them was a working
farm-- just some chickens and vegetable gardens, but it was enough to
keep her on her feet and leave her exhausted by day's end.

Hands down, the chickens were her least favorite. Sticking her hands
in the crevices of that dark smelly shack to retrieve eggs was a
virtual nightmare; but four weeks later, she was an old pro at it.
Grimacing, she pulled the last egg out and placed it with the others
in the basket. She exited the small structure quickly, gratefully
taking the fresh air in deep gusts.

And she wanted to kill Mulder. What the hell kind of safe house was
this anyway? Mulder had reminded her that it all was necessary to make
the place authentic, but then *he* wasn't the one busting his hump on
that two-bit farm. "Authentic my ass," she mumbled as she walked the
rest of the way back to the house, passing the gardens as she went.
They weren't much better; her green thumb was veritably brown and she
worried whoever used the place next would have a crop of dead weeds to
tend to.

She took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen. At least Lily was
enjoying herself; she tried to take solace in that.

The little girl had herded her kitten inside and retrieved a plastic
bowl from one of the bottom cabinets. Scully had let her bring the one
kitten inside to keep with her, but nixed any notions Lily might have
had about caring for the entire brood for an extended period of time.
She would bring the rest of them in to town next time they went; she
was sure the old man who ran the grocery store there would be happy to
put up some kittens for adoption.

"Need milk, Mommy," Lily said, holding out her bowl. "And pie."

Scully smiled as she pulled the milk from the fridge. "Kittens don't
really eat blueberry pie, Sweetie. That's just in your book."

"No pie?"

"No pie," Scully confirmed. "But that reminds me-- after you do that,
I want you to go pick some strawberries for me."

"You makin' pie Mommy?"

About the only thing Scully had ever baked in her life was a mud pie,
when she was eight in Melissa's "Easy-Bake" oven. The pie and
subsequent mess had not gone over well with her big sister, who had to
relinquish her oven to the trash heap. "No, but I thought we could
just have plain old strawberries, how does that sound?"

"Okay." Lily took the bowl and set it out for her kitten, but it was a
bit too big, and as the little guy put both paws on the side to get at
the milk, he got an instant milk bath. "Uh-oh Mommy. Mittens made
mess."

"Here," Scully said, handing her another bowl. "You get started on the
strawberries and I'll clean up, okay?"

"No problem," she said, and Scully's eyes followed her as she left
through the back door. Something about the way she said that made her
think of Mulder. Since she'd started spending more time alone with her
daughter, Scully had noticed there were quite a few things she'd
picked up from him. As she worked at cleaning up the milk, she found
herself wondering where Mulder was and what he might be doing and
hoping he was all right... and trying to pretend she didn't miss him
so much.

"All finished," Lily said as she came back into the kitchen several
minutes later.

"That was fast." Scully stood to face her. Her bowl was half filled
with strawberries, and as Scully regarded the red stain around her
mouth, she didn't have to guess where the other half had gone. She
smiled slightly at the little girl. "Lily you were supposed to pick
them, not eat them." But then, she supposed, that was half the fun.

***********************************

Later that night after Lily had gone to bed, Scully sat on the couch
with her open book on her lap, but her eyes were fixed on the phone.
Lily's comment earlier had brought all the worry she had for Mulder to
the surface and as a result she couldn't stop thinking about him. If
she could just make *one* phone call-- just one. Maybe someone had at
least seen Mulder and could verify that he was all right.

Scully shook her head and pulled her eyes away from the phone. The
whole subject was probably moot anyway-- most likely the old thing
wasn't even connected. But if it was... hadn't Mulder said there was a
caretaker that usually lived there? She moved quickly, before she
could change her mind, scooting to the edge of the couch and clutching
the receiver to her ear. Dial tone--there was a dial tone. She hung
the phone back up. Her breath was coming quicker and her mind was
racing. She could call... who? Who would she call? She didn't know how
to get in touch with the Lone Gunmen; the one contact number she did
have for them was scribbled on a piece of paper in her top desk drawer
at home. Her mom-- maybe Mulder had contacted her knowing she'd be
sick with worry. No, she thought, not likely; he wouldn't want to put
her mother in any kind of danger. Then she knew who she wanted to
call: Skinner. True, there had been times in the past when she'd
doubted him, but again and again he'd proved that he was an ally. He'd
put his own life on the line for them on several occasions. Yes, she
trusted him; he would be the one to call. Scully picked up the
receiver again but hesitated, holding it just above the cradle as she
struggled with what to do. A single phone call and it could
potentially let her know that Mulder was okay, and with Skinner there
to watch his back, maybe even save his life... but that single
well-intentioned phone call could also be traced, and put Lily in
danger... but if she kept it short no one would be able to put a trace
on it...

Scully slammed the receiver back in its cradle. "Damn it!" she hissed.
It wouldn't be a smart move; she couldn't risk Lily's safety. No
matter how much she wanted to know. The frustration throbbing through
her head, Scully gathered her book and blanket and started for the
back door.

There was only one place that she hadn't grown to detest on the whole
farm: the barn. It was refuge from the heat during the day and
surprisingly warm at night. And there was something about the sweet
smell of hay that reminded her of childhood. Sometimes, when she was
feeling particularly homesick, she'd steal out to the old barn with a
blanket and one of the tattered books she'd found and enjoy the
quiet... and that wonderful smell. Tonight, she just needed that
comfort, but as she settled in with her novel, the cozy dim light and
warmth were lulling her to sleep, and she was struggling to keep her
eyes open. She put her book down and closed her eyes.

And thought of Mulder.

**************************

The old pick up rattled and chugged the entire way into town. Scully
only took the thing out when she absolutely had to, and they were once
again running low on groceries.

As was typically the case, the single street that constituted the main
hub of their "town" was practically empty, most of the residents
having sought refuge from the heat indoors.

A fan cooled the sweat on her cheeks as Scully entered Tillman's
Market. She couldn't help it, every time she passed through the door
she heard Mulder's voice in her memory, his words heavy with a thick
twang: "You need anything from the feed store?" She smiled slightly at
the fond recollection, at that time that seemed so long ago. The
Kindred were a lifetime away.

"Mommy." Lily's voice interrupted her reverie. "Don't step in the
poop."

"What?" Scully looked down and stopped just in time to avoid the mess.
"Oh..."

A man shuffled over with a shovel and a large, scruffy dog at his
heels. They both moved like dinosaurs and appeared as ancient.

"My apologies, Miss. Max here just can't hold it like he used to."

Scully took hold of Lily's hand and led her around the odd little
clean-up crew. She offered with a small smile. They had been in the
shop a few times, and Scully recognized the man as the owner. Though
she'd been weary of most everyone she came into contact with since
arriving, he seemed pretty harmless. And he had been kind enough to
put the kittens up for adoption in the front of his store the last
time they'd been in.

As they were checking out some time later, Scully started on the
bagging while the old man tallied up their purchases. When he was
finished, he reached for one of small lollipops they kept behind the
register and handed it to Lily along with their change. She eagerly
accepted it. "Pop! Thanks."

Scully looked at him inquisitively.

"It's the least I can do. Sorry about that mess... don't want ya to
think we run a pig sty here."

"You didn't have to do that, really."

He held up a hand as if the matter was settled.

Scully waited for him to help her finish bagging, but he hesitated.
She raised her eyebrows at him. "Was there something else...?"

He took over bagging. "You're the people staying out at the old
Burlingame place, aren't ya?"

Paranoia started to creep up on her, then eased. Something told her
this man was not a threat... just an old fashioned gossip. She smiled
noncommittally.

"That's a big place."

Scully pulled a TV Guide from its rack and inspected it. "Yes, it is,"
she agreed absent-mindedly.

"I used to know the Burlingames-- Jessie and Gerald. Real nice
people," he said, shaking his head for emphasis. "But that was nearly
20 years ago now. Seems like they can't keep anyone in that place
these days; people are always coming and going." He waited for Scully
to comment, but when she didn't, he continued. "Anyhow, if you ever
need any help with anything, you just call on me, all right?"

Scully stifled a smile. The frail old man looked like he'd have
trouble lifting a Dixie cup, let alone helping her out with some of
the backbreaking work she had to do at the house. "I'll keep that in
mind, thank you."

He displayed two weather-beaten, aged hands and smiled. "I'm pretty
good with my hands."

Scully watched him dubiously and for the first time really got a good
look at him. He was a little disheveled and worse for the wear, but
his eyes held a certain intelligence and, she thought, a hint of
mischief.

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "Is that so?" For a second
Scully thought she saw recognition in the old man's eyes, maybe
something about her reminded him of his own daughter. "Well thank you,
that's very kind of you," she said, though she had no intention of
taking him up on his offer.

"Don't let this ol' hide fool you, I'm still pretty useful-- run this
place all by myself. Well, and Max of course." He tipped his head in
the direction of the old mutt, who was taking five in front of the
counter.

Lily crouched down and patted the old dog. "You think he like Mittens,
Mommy?"

Scully thought Max looked like he would probably like to EAT poor
Mittens. "I don't know, Sweetie..."

"Well, you remember what I said, Miss."

"I will. Thanks again." She watched him walk away, her gaze fixed on
him until he disappeared into the back room. Her eyes passed from the
old man to another man standing some distance away, down at the other
end of the aisle with his back to her. He looked as out of place as
she and Mulder had when they first arrived, decked out in a dark brown
suit despite the oppressive heat. Scully felt a cold chill descend on
her. Mulder had recounted to her two occasions when a mysterious
informant had approached him--both times in a grocery store. Was it
simple coincidence? If not, that might mean they'd been found... Panic
momentarily seized her. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. For
all she new this guy was just some yuppie tourist in the market for a
weekend retreat.

But dressed like that? And all the way out here? "Lily."

She was struggling with the lollipop wrapper. "Yes?"

"Come on Sweetie, let's go now."

"Can't do it, Mommy."

"I'll get it for you in the car." She was too busy herding Lily
through the door to see another man trying to come through, and they
nearly collided with him. Scully mumbled an apology to the massive
cowboy hat that obscured his face as she passed him and headed to the
truck.

Inside the vehicle, Scully waited, keeping watch on the store's
entrance to see if the man in the suit would follow. After several
minutes had passed and no one had come through the door, she relaxed
against the seat and started the engine.

The sky was an ugly shade of green as they pulled away from Tillman's,
and Scully wondered if they weren't going to see another storm. It
rarely rained, but when it did they got a good drenching.

Occupied with her lollipop, Lily was uncharacteristically quiet as
they drove. When she finished she started to pull out the kid's
sombrero they'd bought at Tillmans. It was made of straw and the bolo
string had a big red bead on it and Lily absolutely loved it. But she
hadn't quite removed it from the bag when the truck's engine cut out,
and the truck rolled to a stop about ten minutes from their drive.
Scully put it in park and tried turning the key in the ignition. Then
again. The engine was completely flooded.

"Broken," Lily offered.

"Let's hope not." Scully pulled the release latch for the hood. "Stay
put you."

Scully examined the engine; while she was no pro, having two brothers
meant she knew a little bit about cars. But nothing looked out of the
ordinary...

A drop of water hit the engine, then another... Scully looked up as
the rain started. It gathered momentum quickly, sending a heavy shower
of water down on top of her. "Great," she said out loud, glancing
skyward. "Thank you. Thank you very much." Resigning herself to having
to wait until another car passed by for help, Scully was about to
close the hood when she noticed a loose plug wire disconnected from
the cap. She replaced it, then slammed the hood shut and got back in
the truck as quickly as she could.

Lily regarded her mother gravely as she entered the car, dress
sticking to her and hair matted around her face. "Wet, Mommy."

Fat droplets of water slid along the strands of hair around her face
as glanced at the little girl. She smiled. "No, I'd say soaked would
be a better word."

Lily's face was serious as she nodded. "Soaked," she concurred.

"Well, let's see if Mommy fixed it." Scully reached for the key. "Come
on come on come on," she pleaded. It worked; the engine sputtered to
life.

By the time they'd reached the house the clouds were breaking up and
the arid air had returned; Scully's hair and her dress were thankfully
almost dry. As she helped Lily out of the truck, golden sunlight on
rain-kissed grass dazzled her-- it was going to be another spectacular
sunset.

They hauled the groceries inside and as they started putting them
away, Mittens wandered in from the front room, disheveled and sleepy.
Lily scooped him up. "Need to get some food."

"I bought some," Scully said, rifling through the bags. "I thought I
did anyway..." Hoping she'd left a bag in the truck and not at
Tillman's, she touched Lily's cheek with her finger and gave a small
smile. "Be right back."

Scully opened the front door and the first thing she saw was the
cowboy hat; panic gripped her until she recognized the face beneath
it. "Frohike?"

"Greetings," he said, removing the hat.

She smiled and opened the door as Frohike entered. Byers and Langly
filed in behind him.

The dark brown suit Byers was wearing was familiar. "That was you? At
the store?"

They nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"We didn't want to draw attention to you; you know-- trying to keep a
low profile."

Scully's eyes dropped to the ten-gallon monstrosity he'd been
sporting. "Low profile? You look like The Village People." Her gaze
moved from his sheepish grin to Langly, who was eyeballing their
surroundings.

"Nice place," he offered, but Scully could see he was practically
twitching in their technology-deprived environment. He might have even
paled at the sight of her black and white TV.

"Yeah," Frohike agreed politely. "We'd heard about this place but have
never actually seen it."

"What are you guys doing here anyway?"

Byers pulled out a large envelope from his suit jacket and handed to
her. "Someone thought you might be low on funds."

Scully took it from him and pushed back the flap, running her thumb
over the bills. It took a second for it to dawn on her. Her heart
began to pound in her chest. "You saw Mulder? When?"

"Months ago. He left this with instructions to give it to you if we
hadn't heard from him in three months. He left another envelope in
case he doesn't return in another three."

Scully did the calculations in her head. That meant Mulder had seen
them just after he'd left. It wasn't encouraging news.

Lily entered the room, clutching her kitten to her chest.

"So is this the little one?" Frohike asked, moving to kneel in front
of her.

Lily regarded the trio of men with vague interest as they gathered
around her.

Langly studied her. "Wow."

"Fascinating," Frohike agreed.

Scully's brow drew together; she went to Lily and took her hand.
"She's not a lab experiment," she accused sharply, knowing that the
unfortunate truth was that she indeed was. But Scully never wanted her
to feel like one.

"No of course not, I didn't mean to imply--" Frohike started as his
colleagues exchanged guilty looks.

Scully held up a hand, embarrassed by her own reaction. "No that's all
right-- I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little touchy on the subject."

"Perfectly understandable," Byers offered, then turned to the little
girl. "I guess we should get going anyway. It was nice to meet you
Lily."

"Nice to meet you," she responded.

Scully was reluctant to see the familiar faces go. "You can stay for a
while if you want..."

"Thanks, but we have to get back," Byers said as the others gathered
at the door and made their way out onto the porch.

"Oh. All right." She indicated the envelope. "Well thanks for this."

Frohike turned before closing the door and gave her a smile. "We'll be
in touch." In his best cowboy impression, he tipped his hat at her.

She couldn't help it, he looked ridiculous, and Scully smiled as he
closed the door. I hope not, she thought, the next time I see someone
standing at my door I want it to be Mulder.

Several minutes later, as if on cue, there was another knock. Scully
put the last of the perishables in the fridge and hurried back to the
door, hoping that maybe they'd changed their minds about having to
leave.

"Hi there."

She was surprised to see the stranger standing at her door; Scully
recognized his face from town but had never spoken to him and couldn't
imagine what he'd be doing on her doorstep. She kept the door
partially closed and wished her gun wasn't all the way up in her room.
"Can I help you?"

"Hope I'm not intruding. Name's Ben Hanscom. You don't know me, I've
seen you around..." He looked at her, suddenly nervous; her eyes were
striking up close and he lost his train of thought. Recovering at
last, he continued. "Anyway, I saw these weird guys following you when
you left Tillman's-kinda suspicious lookin'. Just wanted to make sure
you were okay."

So much for not attracting attention to her. "Well I appreciate your
concern but we're fine," she said, relaxing.

Sitting across the street eating his lunch, Ben had seen her go into
Tillman's with her daughter a couple of times, the pretty little thing
with the face like a roman statue and hair the shade of rich amber.
He'd wished for the opportunity to talk to her about a dozen times,
but actually standing there in front of her he found he couldn't quite
speak.

"Really, thanks but we're okay."

"All right." Defeated, he gave a quick nod. "We'll see you around
then."

Scully closed the door and moved to the window, watching him until his
truck disappeared beyond the tall grass. She turned to Lily, who was
sitting on the floor playing with the toy doctor's bag Scully had
found on one of their visits to Tillman's. Mittens was getting his
first physical. Scully sat on the couch and, intending to take a short
break, she pulled her feet up and curled onto her side. It was a
mistake. As she watched Lily playing, the weariness settled over her
and she could feel her eyelids growing heavy. She drifted off to
sleep.

***********************************

"My fish still swimmin' Mommy?"

Scully opened her eyes to see her daughter's face. "What?"

"My fish," Lily reminded her.

Oh no... Scully hadn't even thought about the poor little guys. She
could only hope her Mom had been in there taking care of things, or
she was going to go home to bill collectors, an eviction notice, and
fish soup. "I think so," she said as optimistically as she could.

Lily watched her as she ran a hand over her face. "Sleeping, Mommy?"

"I was," she answered with a smile. Lily's own sleep had become much
more regular; she'd even stopped having nightmares recently, which
Scully attributed to the peace and security of the safe house.

"Snugglin'."

"Snuggling? No, I'm not. Here--" She reached for Lily, guiding her
onto the couch. "Let me give you a little lesson in snuggling," she
said with a smile, encircling the little girl with her arms. "It takes
two."

******************************

Late that night Scully got up out of bed, having been wakened by a
noise. She listened for a minute in the quiet darkness, her eyes
moving slowly around the moonlit room. She stood and started for the
door, and then she saw it: there was a calendar pinned to the wall,
but Scully couldn't remember ever seeing it there before. As she
stepped closer to investigate, a strange breeze rustled the pages and
sent the printed numbers and letters scattering to the floor around
her feet like dry leaves. She looked back up at the calendar, and she
could see that the squares were now blank and where the month
should've been there was empty space. Only the year remained: 1994.

She jumped as the noise that had initially roused her started again,
only this time she recognized what it was-- the doorbell; hollow,
two-toned chimes ringing out relentlessly in the otherwise silent
night. Scully knew the house didn't have one, and realized she was
dreaming. The frantic sound continued as Scully left her bedroom and
crossed the hallway to Lily's. The child was sleeping soundly, so she
crept down the stairs to investigate as the noise continued.

Just as she was reaching for the door, the ringing stopped as quickly
as it started. Hesitantly, she continued for the knob, opening the
door carefully-- just a crack, and then the rest of the way as she saw
that there was no one there. Taking a few steps out onto the porch,
she looked around the moonlit landscape. A little ways in the distance
she saw a flash of white-- of someone's shirt she thought, then took a
few steps out onto the yard to get a better look. There she could see
it wasn't a shirt, but an animal of some kind. Relaxing, she turned
around to head back to the house, but what she saw there sent her
blood running cold. Someone was standing in the doorway. She couldn't
make the person out, only a dark figure with a long coat standing in
her entryway. She was stricken with terror for Lily, upstairs in bed
and all alone in the house. She started to run back to the entrance.
The figure slammed the door shut.

Suddenly, she was standing in the middle of a fair ground on a sunny
day. The sound of thrill-seeking children enjoying the rides and the
conversations of less adventurous companions as they waited on the
ground was all around her, but the rides whirled around without any
passengers-- they were all empty. The fair ground was deserted. After
a few minutes she saw Mulder coming towards her, dressed casually in
jeans and a tee shirt, holding two sodas. He handed one to her and
leaned back against the rail of the carousel they stood in front of.

"Where's Lily?" she asked.

"She's in the garden."

In the strange logic of a dream, that made perfect sense to her. "It's
a shame; she always loved the carousel."

"I always loved you," he said.

Scully startled awake with a sharp breath, curled on her side in bed.
Her eyes immediately went to the wall in front of her where the
calendar had been in her dream, some small, irrational part of her
seeking verification that it had in fact been just that. There was
nothing there. Then she thought about the last part-- the part that
had forced her awake. Mulder had never said he loved her.

She didn't even think he'd ever said it to Lily, and there was no
doubt in her mind he loved the little girl.

She remembered the relief she felt after the boxcar explosion, when
Mulder came to her in a dream to let her know he was all right. Of
course, then, she had been reluctant to admit that. But she'd seen too
much since to doubt that that was what had happened. Only this time...
she couldn't help but feel like he was saying goodbye. The reality of
that thought overwhelmed her; she turned her face into her pillow and
cried, until sorrow exhausted itself into emptiness and weariness
pulled her into sleep.

**************************

The next morning Scully had to drag herself from bed, and went around
doing her morning routine on auto-pilot. She was still reeling from
her dream. Mulder was dead. That was what the dream signified. What
else could it mean? As she stared at the pancakes she was making for
Lily, she tried not to lose hope. This dream didn't feel like the
others she'd had about Lily, and the one she'd had about Mulder was so
long ago she couldn't recall what it had felt like. Her eyes drifted
up from the sizzling skillet to the plastic Mary on the hood of the
stove. Slowly, as she stared at the figure, realization came to her-
in her dream Mulder said Lily was in the garden, but not *a* garden,
*the* Garden-- The Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve, the creation of
life... Lily was a creation too, only a life created by man for a
purpose she would probably never come to know. Well, she thought, at
least that part of the dream made sense now. It was strange how your
subconscious made connections you weren't aware of... Or maybe she was
just over analyzing again. Sometimes, Doctor Freud, a cigar is just a
cigar, and a bizarre dream is just a bizarre dream...

"Uh-oh, smoke."

Scully pulled herself from her thoughts. "Oh..."

"Mommy... burning."

"Sorry about that Lily," she said, pulling the blackening cakes from
the griddle and dumping them in the trash. "Mommy's a little out of it
today."

Lily studied her thoughtfully for a moment as she started on a new
batch. "You like the circus, Mommy?"

Images of Lenny and his ambulatory appendage surfaced. "Sure, I guess
so."

"You like flying horses?"

Scully froze, then turned to look at her. "Flying horses?" She walked
over to the table. "What are you talking about Lily?"

She picked up a crayon and resumed her coloring without answering.

Scully sat down at the table, leaning towards her daughter until the
little girl looked at her. "Lily," she said slowly, her gaze holding
blue eyes that were so like her own, "what did you dream about last
night?" When she didn't respond, Scully tried again. "Lily?"

"Don't know. Can't 'member."

"Tell me more about the flying horses."

The little girl turned her coloring book to show Scully. "See? Flying
horses."

She was coloring a picture of a carousel. Another strange coincidence?
Scully didn't think Lily had ever been on a carousel or even knew that
they were sometimes called flying horses... But she could've easily
learned the word on TV.

Scully watched her for a long moment, then reached out to her daughter
to run a hand along her hair. She told herself she'd spent too much
time with Mulder, and the thing with the carousel was just a
coincidence. As she continued to look at Lily, she was stunned to
realize how quickly she was changing, and that she hadn't seen it
before. It seemed like Lily was suddenly hanging on to the last
vestiges of her baby fat and Scully couldn't remember when she'd
started using contractions and prepositions. Her father's voice came
to her through her memory, speaking to her softly: "People would say
to me, life is short; kids, they grow up so fast, before you know it,
it's over. I never listened. For me life moved at a proper pace. There
were many rewards. Until the moment I knew...I understood... I would
never see you again. My little girl. Then, my life felt as if it had
been the length of one breath, one heartbeat..."

Scully closed her eyes, shutting out the tears before they could fall.
She stood and kissed the top of Lily's head before heading back to the
stove.

****************************

As the days moved on, it became increasingly more difficult for Scully
to come to terms with her dream. If Mulder was dead, what then? She
didn't want to stay there with Lily permanently; they would have to
leave. But go where? And what if Mulder wasn't dead and he tried to
find them? These thoughts consumed her as she worked at the mindless
task of weeding. She glanced up to check on Lily as she played, then
did a double take when something caught her eye. It was Ben Hanscom,
emerging from the side of the house. He removed his hat as he
approached, smiling when he caught sight of her.

Scully wiped her hands on her jeans. "Great," she muttered at the
soil, "I need this like I need a hole in the head..."

"Hi there."

She smiled thinly and stood, removing the black baseball cap she'd
worn to keep the sun off her face. "Hi."

Ben studied her and smiled. "You're not from around here, are you?"

When Scully went in to town, she always wore the dress Mulder had
purchased for her, and that was the only thing Ben had ever seen her
in; she realized in her jeans and big lugger shoes, she was the
quintessential fish out of water. "Oh, um..."

He indicated the ground she'd been working at. "You're weeding
carrots."

"What?" Scully looked back down at her pile. "Those aren't carrots,"
she said, suddenly not quite certain.

"Well they would've been if you'd given them half a chance."

Scully looked back at him and stifled a laugh. She'd been weeding
those things all summer. "Well. Thanks." An awkward silence descended
on them, until Scully finally spoke up. "So? Was there something I
could help you with?"

"Oh--yeah. Maybe. I was wondering... I go fishing Saturday mornings,
thought maybe you'd like to come sometime. We could get a bite to eat
afterwards..." He indicated Lily with his hat. "Both of you. My
treat."

The fact that he had asked her was surprising enough; that she was
considering it was even more shocking. I've been holed up too long,
she thought wryly. Or maybe, the thought of giving Mulder a little
payback was just too tempting... but not likely. And as enticing as
the thought of a little adult conversation was, for now it was best
that she and Lily kept to themselves. "I appreciate the offer--
really. But no thanks."

"If you don't like fishing, we could just have lunch..."

"I'm afraid not."

He was obviously disappointed, but took it well. "All right then. Well
if you need anything..."

"We're fine, thanks. I really do appreciate it."

"You sending me out to pasture?"

A smile threatened to surface. "Well I never heard it put quite that
way before..."

"It's all right", he said, holding up a hand. "Well you take it easy
now."

"Thanks."

Scully let out a slow breath as she watched him go. Quick but not
entirely painless, she thought. Looking around for Lily, Scully could
see that she was running around the barn "shooting" imaginary targets
with a stick, her sombrero hanging around her neck as she went. Scully
glanced at the pile of carrot stalks she'd weeded and decided to call
it quits for the day.

Inside, she poured herself a glass of water. She hadn't quite finished
when Lily came through the back door, exhausted and sweaty from her
game. "No more bad guys, Mommy."

Scully smiled at her. "Nice shootin', Tex."

The little girl's expression changed then, her brow creasing in
concern. "Ouch" Lily said, pointing to Scully's face.


Scully looked at her for a minute, not understanding, then lifted a
finger to her upper lip. A tiny trickle of blood had worked its way
down from her nose. "Oh..." She was a little shocked-- her cancer had
gone into remission years ago, and she couldn't remember the last time
she'd had a nosebleed. A knot of dread formed in her stomach. Oh no
please... I can't get sick now. Not now... She tried to shake it off;
it was probably just a response to the extremely dry weather they were
experiencing. Rising to her feet, Scully went to the kitchen area and
ran the water. When she had finished rinsing the blood away, she went
back to Lily.

She was standing watching Scully, hands clasped together in front of
her. Her lips were pursed tight with worry and her eyes brimmed with
unshed tears.

"Oh Lily..." Scully reached for her. "Come here." Though she
occasionally got angry, Lily was a happy child by nature, and Scully
couldn't ever remember seeing her sad. It touched her deeply. "I'm
okay. Really-- all better, see?" Scully picked her up and settled back
on the couch with her. "It's all right," she soothed. As Lily snuggled
close, Scully turned to rest her cheek against the top of her head. It
made Scully sad to think about the life her daughter had had thus far;
being separated from those she loved had become routine for her. The
look on her face when she thought Scully might be sick or hurt had
told her that that fact had not left her without a scar. The anger
coursed through her, but Scully refused to cry for them again, so she
tightened her hold on the child and held her, dry-eyed and furious.
Pulling the throw blanket from behind her, she draped it over them,
and it wasn't long before Lily was asleep. Scully sat with her for a
long time, the anger slowly ebbing as a realization came to her, and a
new emotion took its place. Somewhere, in that strange, surreal time
away together, something had happened. Finally, they were healed.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 10: Strange 6/98

The end of summer was fast approaching, and with its passing went
Scully's optimism at seeing Mulder again. Something was wrong, she was
certain of it. It had been late spring when they arrived, and in less
than a month Lily would be celebrating a birthday. Both she and Mulder
knew it would take some time, but Scully hadn't thought it would take
this long. And she was sure Mulder would've tried to contact her by
now.

Scully agonized over what to do. She'd had another nosebleed... two
over the course of the several months they'd been there wasn't a lot
and could easily be explained by the dry weather. But Scully couldn't
help but be concerned; she needed to consider all the possibilities.
If she got sick, who would protect Lily? She needed to find someone
who would be willing to come with them, to take care of Lily if Scully
did get sick; someone who didn't know anything about her or her
daughter or their past; someone who could keep Lily safe. Her thoughts
turned to Ben Hanscom.

"Bye bye bubbles."

Scully watched her little girl, sitting in front of her in the old
claw foot tub, playing with the bubbles of their bath in nothing but
her sombrero. She did love that thing. "Hey Sheriff, what do you say
we take off this hat so I can wash your hair?"

"Okay, Mommy." Lily pulled the hat off and with a child's exuberance
sent it flying to the other side of the bathroom, where it landed on a
heap of towels.

As she worked at lathering up Lily's hair, Scully at last made a
decision. She and Lily would wait another month and then leave, with
our without Ben Hanscom. They would find a place to settle
permanently, a place far away from the men who wanted to harm them
where Lily would be safe. They would make a new life together. And
they would be fine.

********************************************

Later, in the comfort of her bedroom, Scully was curled up on her bed
with Lily, reading her a story. She'd been narrating for several
minutes without any commentary from Lily when she suspected the little
girl had dozed off. "Are you sleepy yet, Lily?" Scully lifted her head
off the headboard to get a better look at the little girl's face.
"Lily?" She was fast asleep. Scully carefully pried the book from her
hands and rested her head back against the board. Her eyes panned the
cozy room. There was a part of her that would miss the old farmhouse.
She'd changed a lot since they'd arrived. She felt restored.

Scully was realistic; she knew that even if Mulder did come back to
take them home, she could never get back the life she'd left behind.
As much as she missed her mom, her family, the luxuries and
conveniences of living in a big city, her life back home had centered
around work. Around Mulder. Work had been her life, but now Lily was;
Lily was the only one she had left, and Scully was happy to make the
necessary sacrifices for her little girl. And the safest thing for
Lily was to keep living the way they were, even if that meant moving
from one God-forsaken rural town to another. Scully only hoped that
they might be able to find some place a little less... isolated.

Yes, there was no doubt that some good had come of having to stay at
the farm. And there were some things that she'd miss. But their
departure was still a few weeks off, so in the meantime she would
enjoy what she liked about the place and not look back when they left.

With that thought, she reached for the light and drowned the room in
darkness. Scully tucked Lily in next to her and went to sleep.

*************************************************************

The next day was like any other there on the farm. Scully spent it
doing various chores, and Lily played around the grounds when she
wasn't offering assistance. Normally, just making a decision about
something made Scully feel better, but this time it was different.
This time, her decision came with a high price. If he were still
alive, it would cost her Mulder. But he would've wanted them to be
safe-- she knew that too. Even if it meant risking never seeing either
of them again.

And, she still had Ben Hanscom to contend with. He was obviously
interested, there was definitely an attraction there, and though under
other circumstance neither of those things would have mattered, she
had to think about Lily. She would do whatever it took to make sure
her daughter was safe. And that meant securing a future for the little
girl even if Scully weren't around to protect her.

Feeling down and distracted, Scully finished up early, leaving the
things that could wait until the next day, and got a head start on
their dinner. There weren't a lot of luxuries to spend money on and
Scully had been frugal with what they did have, but that day she
splurged when they went in to town and bought makings for a big
dinner, complete with ice cream and pre-made cake for dessert, and new
books for she and Lily to read afterward. "Hey Lily..."

The little girl was sitting at the table, snapping green beans. She
looked up from her task.

"You know, they're having a fair in town for Labor Day. What do you
say we go?"

Her face lit up. "A party?"

"Sort of. It's like a big cook-out, and there might be a few rides and
games-- things like that."

"When, Mommy? Today?"

In her enthusiasm she forgot that today was almost over. "In a couple
of days, sweetie. Saturday."

"I like for you to take me to that party, Mommy."

"Okay then, it's a plan." Lily smiled in response and went back to her
green beans. It would be a nice opportunity for Lily to play with some
other kids-- something she almost never got to do. And, Scully
reluctantly admitted, an opportunity to see Ben Hanscom.

************************************

Scully got dinner started, then she and Lily settled in to start on
their books. Lily moved quickly through hers and started in on her
drawing paper and crayons.

Scully watched her as she worked on her picture. Was Lily developing
normally? She seemed like a bright, intelligent child, but Scully knew
little about normal developmental milestones and was at a loss as to
whether or not Lily was achieving hers. It didn't help that they were
unsure of her exact age.

"Look Mommy." Lily displayed her picture, a portrait of a woman with
large eyes, pearls, and blue, gravity-defying hair. "Marge!"

It was bad enough they only got a few television channels, that one of
them was FOX only added insult to injury. Scully smiled. At least this
was better than last time, after they'd aired the Star Trek marathon
and Lily had spent nearly a week insisting Scully call her "Captain".
She watched as the little girl started on a new picture. "Who's next?
Homer?"

"Bart."

Scully smiled as Lily got back to work, then returned her attention to
her novel. They were quiet for a long time, engrossed in their
respective activities. It was Lily's voice that pulled her from the
story.

"Daddy's home," she said, matter-of-factly.

Scully looked up from her novel. Lily continued to work at her
coloring, seemingly unaware that she'd said anything. But she had--
Scully was sure of it. Had Lily heard something she hadn't? Sitting up
from the couch, she went to one of the front windows and peeked
through the curtain. "What are you talking about, Lily?" She moved to
the front door and opened it. The grass, turned amber in the late
afternoon sun, was blowing gently in the breeze, a bird sailed
effortlessly through the sky... nothing out of the ordinary.

Then she saw it--barely visible in the distance but distinct
nonetheless-- a human figure.

She went out onto the front porch and stared across the meadow, unable
to take her eyes off the dark shape. And then her legs were moving--
the first step, the second, out onto the dirt drive. She was vaguely
aware of Lily following her. Ben Hanscom, someone else from town, or
worse-- someone sent to track them down-- it could've been any one of
them... but somehow she knew it wasn't. Her feet reached the field and
her pace quickened. Faster, her legs were moving further into the
field. And suddenly she was sprinting across the tall grass, the soft
green blades lashing against the material of her jeans as she went. As
she neared, a sense of jubilation elevated her... it was Mulder. She
knew it before she even saw his face; she'd recognize that gait
anywhere. He continued to walk towards her, closing the distance
between them, and she could see that he was smiling.

Mulder braced himself for impact as she neared, grinning stupidly as
her arms came around him. He never could've anticipated how good it
would be to see her again. Many, many times he'd imagined it, but even
his most potent fantasies paled in comparison to the real thing. His
arms encircled her, soft and small in his arms. The sensation belied
the formidable and courageous person she was inside. She buried her
face in his neck, the air that had been locked in her lungs rushing
out in a sound that could've indicated tears or laughter.

As his arms held her secure and strong, time slowed, pivoted, and was
lost; she was overwhelmed with happiness at seeing him again, her old
friend and deepest love. Scully didn't know how long they stood there
like that, but eventually Lily caught up to them.

They released each other and Mulder bent to give Lily a hug. He
studied the little girl as he rested her back on the ground, and was
blown away by how much she'd changed. She was still petite but a
little bit taller--lankier, and her face had lost most of its baby
fat. "Do I know you?" he teased.

"Yeeeees!"

Mulder brought a hand to his chin, feigning a look of concentration.
"Eunice?"

"NO!"

"Thelma?"

Lily shook her head.

"Myrtle?"

"Daddy! It's me-- Lily!"

"Lily?" He regarded her dubiously. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Absolutely."

Mulder smiled widely. "That's right, now I remember."

"You're silly," she said in perfect English, and Mulder was saddened
that she had lost her cave-speak, and that he had missed the
transition. He realized then that she'd been changing all along, even
before he'd left, but that his time away from her had only made that
transition more pronounced.

He looked back at Scully. Her hair was a little longer-- more like
when he first met her, but otherwise she was exactly how he
remembered. He brought up a hand to touch her hair, letting his thumb
trace her cheek as he did.

It felt weird seeing him again, and Scully had to resist the urge to
pinch herself to make sure she wasn't having one of her bizarre
dreams. "How did you get here? Where's your car?"

Mulder indicated the direction of the main road. "I parked up in the
grass by the road; I wanted to surprise you."

He could've pulled up with the Macys Day Parade and accomplished that.
Scully had resolved herself to the fact that she would never seem him
again... and there he was. The irony was not lost on her.

As they walked back to the house, Lily chattered about her new kitten
and the amazing discoveries she'd made during her stay, and though
Mulder smiled, listening intently to the little girl as she walked
several feet in front of them, Scully noticed he kept his hand her
back, her arm, her shoulder.

When they got inside he reached across the table to take her hand
without even realizing he did it. And Scully let him. She didn't know
why, but she let him. It seemed to be his unspoken privilege to touch
her. Once while Lily was talking, Scully had looked from their hands
to his face as he listened, and he caught her eye. It only lasted a
second; the most fleeting of glances and yet it made her feel like the
skin was melting off her bones.

"You can come to the party," Lily said suddenly.

"Party?"

"Well, it's not really a party..." Scully explained, wondering if
Mulder detected the guilt that flashed behind her eyes. "Lily and I
were just thinking of going to the Labor Day picnic in town."

"So I'm missing and presumed dead and you guys are livin' it up; I see
how this works." He was happy, reveling in the joy of their reunion.

Sitting up in her chair, Lily rested her elbows on the table and
leaned forward. "And we have dessert tonight."

"Oh yeah? What's the occasion?"

"Nothing special," Scully answered, wishing they'd change the subject.

Lily delighted in telling him her good news. "We have ice cream. And
cake!"

"You baked something, Scully?"

"Well, no..."

"We got a box, Daddy," Lily confided. "Like Twinkies."

"Twinkies, Fruit Loops... So when does she start on the Ritalin?"

"That's not funny, Mulder."

His eyes smiled back at her.

That night, dinner lasted well into the evening hours, long after Lily
got bored with their conversation and wandered off to her toys. Mulder
gave Scully the Cliff Notes version of what he'd been able to
accomplish. The journey home had been a success. He had been able to
get a personal guarantee from Senator Matheson that the window had
passed. He didn't entirely trust the man, but other information he'd
attained confirmed the Senator's facts, including hard copies of the
preliminary research proposal's timeline.

"So when can we head back?"

"I booked us flights for a week from tomorrow."

"A week?" Scully was disappointed; she was more than anxious to get
back and get things settled.

"If you really want to, Scully, we can head out by car or train
instead and leave sooner... I was just hoping-- I've been on the road
so much I was actually looking forward to staying put for a little
while." And, he didn't say, to spending some time with Scully before
they had to head back to reality.

Scully could certainly understand, and besides, the place had sort of
grown on her. Not that she wanted to make it a permanent residence,
but she had gotten used to it in a strange way. "No that's okay. We
can stick it out another week."

Mulder settled back in his chair and smiled. "I was hoping you'd say
that."

*********************************************

It was almost half an hour later when Lily wandered back in, having
exhausted her small supply of toys and the two remaining TV channels.

"Oh my God," Scully said, glancing at her watch. She'd completely
forgotten about Lily's bedtime. She got up from the table and started
clearing the dishes. "Why don't you go up and start getting ready for
bed, Sweetie. I'll be right up."

Too tired from all the excitement to protest, Lily did as she was
told, and they were left in awkward silence as she did. It was Scully
who rescued them. "Well I'll get started on these dishes if you want
to help Lily."

"Yeah, sure." Mulder stood from the table, relieved she'd assigned him
the more pleasant of the tasks.

Upstairs, Lily had snaked out about a mile of toothpaste onto her
brush, and it dripped over her hands and into the sink. "Made a mess,
Daddy," she said.

Mulder smiled at her. "I see some things never change." And he was
grateful for that.

When he'd finished helping her brush her teeth and change into her
p.j.'s, he settled her into bed. She stopped him when he went to turn
off the light. "Mommy says I can see a book first."

"Oh." That was something new in her routine. "Oh. Okay-- which one do
you want?"

She pointed to one with strange characters on the front.

"Hop On Pop?" He handed it to her. "You gonna read it to me?" he
teased.

"Can't read it! It's for I can see the pictures," she explained
patiently.

He smiled and was about to offer to read it to her when he remembered
Scully down in the kitchen. He didn't want to leave her with all those
dishes to clean up so he told Lily he'd be back up in a bit to tuck
her in, and left her to her book.


Back in the kitchen, Scully was straining to reach the top shelf in
one of the cabinets. Maybe he'd been away too long or maybe he was
just over tired but he thought in that moment, putting a bowl away in
her jeans, she'd never looked sexier. She'd been driving him crazy
since the moment he laid eyes on her again, and he couldn't help it...
Though there might have been some part of his brain that was feeling a
little less fatigued than the rest that was advising him otherwise, he
ignored it and came up behind her to help her put the bowl away.

Mulder's sudden movement so close startled her. "Oh... " She watched
as he nested the bowl in with the others and closed the cabinet.
"Thanks." Scully started to take another dish off the drying rack,
expecting him to move away, but he didn't; he just stood there behind
her, barely touching her. She could feel his breath grazing the nape
of her neck and it had the strange effect of making her feel weak and
powerful at the same time. "I um, I can get the rest of these."

Hesitating for a moment, Mulder stepped aside as she turned to face
him with the dish. The look in his eyes was unmistakably predatory.

"What?" she said, faltering in that gaze. He didn't answer, and Scully
suddenly felt the urge to find a means of egress. Her foot started
backward, seeking out safer ground.

Mulder reached out and carefully took her free hand in his before she
could escape. "I think you have dishpan hands, Scully," he teased.

"Stop," she said, slipping her hand from his.

He stepped closer. "Why?"

Scully didn't answer him, but she didn't move away either.

As he tried for her again, she hid her hands behind her back, holding
her breath as he reached around her. She was painfully aware of his
every movement as if it was in slow motion; his face hovered near her
own, tempting her...

Mulder couldn't believe what was happening. He was well aware of the
effect he'd once had on her, but as he studied her face now, he
realized he still held that power. He listened to the uneven sounds of
her breathing as they stood unmoving, paralyzed in agonizing sexual
tension.

Then, the plate she was still holding slid out of her hand and
clamored to the floor. The old linoleum broke the fall but it was
enough of a distraction to break the spell.

Scully bent to pick it up. "I um... I'll finish up here. You can go
up."

He didn't want to push it. What had almost happened was too much to
ask for; he didn't want to ruin it in any way. "Yeah. I better go
check on Lily." He smiled. "Make sure she hasn't pulled out War and
Peace on me."

"Okay goodnight," she said quickly, unable to look at him. Her own
feelings surprised and unnerved and excited her. What the hell was she
thinking? She'd been wrong to get involved with Mulder in the first
place; she didn't plan on repeating the mistake.

*****************************

Sometime later, after Mulder had opted to stay up and they'd spent
another hour talking --this time mostly about Lily-- Mulder found he
couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. "All right," he said,
stretching his arms and standing. "I'm gonna head up."

"Okay." Scully indicated her book. "I think I'm going to read for a
little while--too wired to sleep."

Mulder gave a quick nod. "I'll check on Lily before I turn in."

Scully's eyes followed him as he walked to the stairs, hesitating just
before them as if a thought occurred to him.

He turned toward her. "Where is my bed anyway?"

"Oh. Well, I've been sleeping in the front bedroom next to Lily's. You
can take any of the others."

Mulder nodded his thanks and went up to bed.

That night, his dreams were plagued by images of his time away, of his
meetings with the cigarette smoking man and his well-dressed
counterpart; of the horrible things they'd led Mulder to believe. But
then, whether she actually came to his bedside at the sound of his
restless sleep or was a figment of his imagination, Scully was there
suddenly, comforting him, telling him it was going to be all right,
and the painful memories receded into the shadows of his subconscious.
She was salvation in the darkness.

*************************************

Scully enjoyed the special treat of one of Mulder's breakfasts. Fried
eggs, hash browns and bacon... no one could clog your arteries quite
like Mulder. She watched as he stood at the stove tending to their
eggs.

"So were you guys really planning on going to that picnic?"

"Yeah we were going to." She shifted in her seat. "But we don't have
to now. I mean we don't have to go if you don't want to. Why do you
ask?"

"I'm just surprised you were going to go-- I thought you guys were
laying low." He turned the flame down on the burner.

"We are-- we were. But I just thought it would be nice for Lily to get
to play with some kids her own age. I figured it would be safe; there
would be enough people that we could blend in well enough." Scully
realized she was over explaining. "Anyway..." she said, getting up to
pour them some juice.

"Well I think you should still go. We can all go. We're going to be
here anyway, it'll be fun."

Lily came in to the kitchen, donning her hat, with Mittens tucked
under her arm.

"Hey Spud. You're just in time for breakfast." Mulder nodded at the
table.

Scully put the juice container back in the fridge. "She ate already."

"Oh. You want to try some anyway?"

Lily nodded and climbed up into her chair, setting Mittens on the
floor and her hat beside him. As Mulder put the egg he'd scrambled for
her down on the table, Lily eyeballed them suspiciously, then looked
at her mother's fried counterpart. It looked even less appealing.

"Try it Spud. If you don't like it you don't have to eat it."

She was game for that. Lily was curious by nature and would try
anything once. Bending over her plate, she shoveled a pile onto her
fork and took a mouthful. Immediately, she bent forward again, pushing
the eggs off her tongue and back on to her plate. "Daddy!" she said,
her tone suggesting she thought she was being teased.

"What?"

"You stop!"

Mulder realized she thought he had played a trick on her, that the
eggs weren't edible. "You can eat them-- I know they feel funny in
your mouth but they're good."

"She did the same thing when I gave her Jell-O," Scully commented from
the counter, pulling out her toast.

"No thanks," Lily offered, and hopped off her chair. As she went back
outside to play, Mulder took a seat at the table. He shrugged. "At
least you like my cooking, Scully."

"I never said that," she teased, "I said I like that you cook FOR me."

He gave her a look: very funny.

Scully smiled coyly at him, for once enjoying the feeling of being the
teaser instead of the tease-e. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"Oh good," she said, putting her toast down to grab a basket off the
counter. It was time for a little payback.

Mulder caught it just as it was about to whiz by his head, then gave
her a questioning look.

"I'm going to introduce you to the chicken coop while you're here."

He stared at her, not sure if she was serious. Seeing that she was,
his eyes held hers: you're really going to make me do this?

"You're the one who wanted to live in Mayberry, right?"

Mulder waited, hoping she was going to let him off the hook, but
instead she settled herself at the other end of the table and started
on her breakfast. "All right. Fine. It's just chickens, Scully," he
patronized.

She glanced up briefly from her breakfast, just long enough to give
him a knowing look before he left.

Out in the back yard, Lily was running around in one of the pastures.
She wasn't chasing anything in particular, just playing some secret
game in her mind, or expending energy like all kids her age. Mulder
called to her, crouching down as she approached. He kept his voice
low. "You want to do me a favor?"

"Mulder..." Scully's voice warned from the kitchen. A few seconds
later she appeared in the back screen doorway.

"You went and developed that weird Mom hearing on me, Scully," he
said, pointing at her as he backed towards the small building. "It's
like... bat hearing or something." His arm dropped back to the side.
"And people call ME Spooky..."

Scully did her best not to smile as Mulder continue on to the shack,
but her expression sobered as she watched him disappear inside.
Despite his happiness at being with them again and his relief that he
was ultimately successful in assuring she and Lily wouldn't be taken
again, something was eating at him. Last night she'd heard him
mumbling in fitful sleep, and had gone to him. She couldn't make out
most of what he said, but she had a feeling it had something to do
with his expedition back home. Scully had tried a couple of times to
talk to him about what happened while he was away, but he always
deflected her questions with humor or by changing the subject. It had
been bad, his meeting with the Cancer Man. She could see that.
Whatever he told Mulder had caused him a lot of pain, had rattled him,
but he refused to give her the details. It wasn't that he didn't want
to tell her, just that he didn't want to have to remember. Maybe, he
just needed some time.

She was in the laundry room just off the kitchen, pulling out hers and
Lily's dresses to wear to the fair when Mulder returned from the
chicken coop.

"Jesus Scully that's disgusting!"

She walked back into the kitchen. "You're telling me."

"But you're a forensic pathologist," he objected.

"Yes, and I'm telling you Mulder, I'd rather spend my life examining
rotting corpses than reach into one of those repulsive little nooks
ever again." She flashed him a disarming smile. "And now that you're
here, I don't have to."

"You should do the chickens, Scully. I'll do something else... I don't
know, isn't there something a little more manly I could do? Maybe
something that involves a tractor?"

A hint of a smile surfaced on her lips. She stood from the table to
clear her dishes. "Don't try to pull that macho crap with me..."

"You think I'm macho?" he asked, pretending to be flattered.

"Give it up, Mulder; you're not getting out of this."

He sank back into his seat in resignation. "You know Scully, I
abandoned my videos for you," he lamented jokingly.

Scully smiled at him. It was good to have him back.

*****************************************

"You be nurse, Daddy." They were sitting on the bed in Scully's room
with the children's doctor bag, its contents strew over the covers.
Lily had enlisted them to play, too excited about tomorrow's picnic to
sleep.

"I don't wanna be the nurse. I'm always the nurse." Mulder knew Lily
liked Scully to be the doctor because she was the real thing, and he
liked to fancy himself a Renaissance man, but he had to admit, it was
a blow to the ego.

"Poor baby." Scully regarded him playfully. "Maybe you should've
gotten a real doctorate."

"A real doctorate?" Mulder looked at Lily, pointing at her mother.
"You see how she disrespects me?"

Lily watched him, amused, and nodded though she had no idea what he
was talking about.

"You med school snobs are all alike, Scully."

"Stop complaining and hand me the otoscope."

He was persistent. "You be the nurse, Scully."

"Suck it up, Nurse Boy."

"Scully--"

"Okay," Lily refereed, and held out her fists; at her age, there
wasn't a dispute in existence that couldn't be solved with a game of
One Potato Two Potato.

Mulder considered, then stuck his fists out to meet Lily and Scully's.
Scully started, reaching out to tap Lily's fist with her own.

"You're doing it wrong, Scully."

She stopped and looked at him. "What are you talking about? I'm doing
it fine."

"No, you're supposed to start with the person to your left..."

"Says who?"

"Everybody knows that."

Now he was really getting on her nerves. Her tone made the island
sound like the boonies. "Well maybe that's the way you did things on
the Vineyard but the rest of us--"

"You start to the left, it's common knowledge-- it's common sense," he
protested.

"I'll do it my way thank you very much."

"Clockwise, you know, " he motioned with his hand, "like a clock--"

"Okay okay," she said, waving a hand at him. "Fine. Whatever. If
you're the expert you do it."

Mulder was enjoying every minute of pushing her buttons; there was
nothing quite like getting a rise out of Scully. "Watch," he said,
directing his comment to Lily, "this is the right way to do it."

He held up his fist like he was about to start, but then instead of
tapping Scully's with it, he opened his hand and put his palm against
her cheek. He playfully pushed her down onto the bed.

Indignant, Scully yelled at him. "Mulder!"

Shifting his full weight on top of her, he pinned her beneath him and
held her wrists above her head with one hand.

Lily started laughing, but came to her mother's defense. She scrambled
on top of Mulder's back. "You mean guy! Stop that! That's my mommy!"

"Get off me, Mulder!"

With his free hand, he took hold of her side, just below the rib cage,
remembering from his days as a big brother that that spot was an
Achilles heel.

And from her days as a little sister, Scully knew what he was about to
do. "Mulder..." she warned.

"What's the right way to do it, Scully?"

She hesitated, knowing the punishment if she gave the wrong answer,
but not wanting to give him the satisfaction. "Right."

The tickling started, and Scully tried with all her might not to
laugh, and instead she emitted a string of giggles that struck Mulder
as even more hilarious.

"Mulder stop!" she managed.

"What's the right way, Scully?"

"Right! Right you moron!"

He escalated the attack, grinning widely as the sound of her laughter
continued.

"Don't!"

Lily huffed and puffed as she worked at pulling him off, her arms
barely making it around his neck. She had about as much effect as a
gentle breeze on a skyscraper. Exasperated, she slid off the bed and
ran down the hall for reinforcements.

Mulder paused to let Scully catch her breath, but kept his hand at her
side. "That's not the right answer, Scully. Tell me what's the right
way."

Scully hesitated, watching him with child-like anticipation,
considering her answer.

"Tell me," Mulder prodded, gripping her side.

"Okay! Okay. The left. It's the left."

Mulder smiled and moved his hand, but he didn't let her get up right
away. "I'm glad you finally see it my way."

"Bully."

"Me? Never." They smiled at each other, still breathing heavily from
the physical exertion of their struggle, and simultaneously became
aware of the position they were in. It was nothing new for them; in
fact, they'd been like that together many, many times...

Scully's expression turned serious as his face neared; she stopped
him. "Mulder... don't."

He pulled back slightly, watching her for a long moment.

It was hard to hate him when he kept refusing to be her enemy,
especially when he was looking at her the way he was, with that
besotted affection in his eyes that made her feel like the only person
in the world he gave a damn about. And the truth was, she'd stopped
hating him a long time ago. But that didn't mean she was ready to jump
back into bed with him either. "Mulder get off me."

He had caught her by surprise, had shaken her; but he could also see
the depth of her resistance. He held her eyes with her own, the corner
or his mouth turning up the slightest bit. "I'll be waiting, Scully."

As the sound of Lily's footsteps came down the hall, Scully stared at
him, speechless. He had spoken the words with finality, with a
certainty that it was only a matter of time before he would have her
again.

Lily ran into the room with Bear, and proceeded to bat Mulder's head
with him.

"All right, I give up!" Mulder smiled at the little girl as he climbed
off her mother. "You teach her those Gestapo tactics, Scully? It's a
shame we never got to play Good Cop Bad Cop."

She wasn't really paying attention, distracted by the recent memories
of how he felt on top of her... comfortable and right. Nice. "I have
to get Lily ready..." she said lowly, her voice trailing off.

Mulder slid off the bed. "I'll do it-- if you don't mind."

"Sure..."

He left, and Scully watched after him for a long time.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~