The Offspring 11: Fractures 7.98 by Kelli Rochrolle

When Lily was nestled in to bed, Mulder went to join Scully
downstairs. The living area, the kitchen, the small laundry room off
the kitchen-- she wasn't there. He found her out on the front porch
swing, alone with her thoughts.

Scully was surprised to see Mulder come outside; she figured he'd gone
to bed. She tensed as he took a seat beside her.

The movement set the bench in motion, rocking them slowly in the cool
night air. After a moment he sat forward, resting his hands on his
knees. "So," he said, smiling slightly as he turned to face her. "What
do you do for fun around here?"

Scully regarded him with an annoyed expression. She'd been bored out
of her mind for months; Mulder had been there a couple of days and was
already losing it.

"That bad, huh?"

She considered, then shrugged. "I don't know... It hasn't been too bad
I guess. It's peaceful here. Simple."

"Then you wouldn't mind staying another month?" Smiling at her
response, Mulder changed the subject. "Lily's changed so much. I can't
believe it."

Scully nodded. "I know." She was thoughtful for a minute. "Sometimes I
look at her, and it just seems like she's changing so fast. I missed
so much of her life; I'm grateful to have her back, to be able to see
her growing up and share it with her. I hope she knows."

"Of course she does."

"I don't know. I hope so. I still feel like I don't know what I'm
doing-- it's awkward and I wonder if Lily picks up on it sometimes."
She studied her lap. "I suppose I just have to trust my instincts."

"You seem to be doing just fine, Scully. Lily's happy, she loves you.
Anyone could see that."

Scully turned to him and smiled slightly, appreciating his
encouragement. Then they both looked back out over the moonlit
landscape, quiet with their thoughts.

"She knew you were coming home," Scully said suddenly, still staring
out into the starry night.

"What do you mean?"

"She knew. Right before you arrived."

Mulder looked at her doubtfully. "Scully, you're not suggesting--"

"No." Her eyes slid away. "No, I'm not. I'm just saying that she...
senses things."

They were silent, watching the moon rise in the sky.

Scully was hesitant to ask, because part of her didn't want to know,
but she spoke up anyway. "Do you think she was... made that way?"

After a beat he responded. "I don't know Scully."

A flash of memory hit him then, a memory of his time away when he'd
confronted one of the people he'd believed was responsible for the
abductions. The cigarette smoking man told Mulder he didn't plan on
giving him any information, because Mulder had no bargaining power. He
went on to explain that he was fully aware of where Scully and her
little girl were, and as Mulder ran around playing action hero it
would soon be business as usual at the research facility. Of course,
he was talking about the chip...

Mulder reacted. "You're bluffing." He lifted his weapon, taking aim
squarely at the other man's chest.

"How can you be so sure?" the cigarette smoking man asked pointedly.

"Because you would have found her by now."

"You're right. We would have. Except... we seem to have lost contact."
He took a drag on the cigarette. "Maybe it's malfunctioning. Or maybe
she removed it."

Mulder reacted again, remembering his argument with Scully in the
motel... but she wouldn't have taken it out. He was fairly certain
he'd talked her out of it... but not entirely convinced. It was a
thought that would haunt him for the rest of time away. He swallowed.
"Tell me how to stop the tests."

"It's highly unlikely the chip is malfunctioning. Either way, it
wouldn't be good for her." He narrowed his eyes as he looked at
Mulder. "No, not very good at all."

"You son of a bitch you tell me how to stop it!"

Snuffing out his cancer stick in a nearby ashtray, the cigarette
smoking man took his time responding, and remained infuriatingly calm.
"I can tell you anything you want to know," he said smugly. "Maybe
you'd like to know about the fathers..."

Mulder blinked, loosening his grip on the gun.

"Yes I can see you're wondering about that." He took out another smoke
and lit up. "You're wondering if it was hybridization, or perhaps
cloning, some other such insidious undertaking." Pausing, he shrugged.
"Or maybe he was simply a rapist, some orderly or another abductee who
took advantage."

"You shut up!" Mulder had had enough, he didn't want to hear any more.
The images of that scenario ripped through his mind's eye, blinding
him with white rage.

"Maybe it's me."

He cocked the hammer back. "I said shut up!"

"Or maybe it's you."

Mulder stopped, silenced by the other man's words and their
implication. He stared at him, unsure if the cigarette smoking man was
being purposefully misleading or if it was some kind of sick joke.
"What?" he whispered sharply.

"That is what you want, isn't it? To be a father to that little girl?
To be a father to the daughter of the woman you love?" he said with
dramatic emphasis. "You surprise me, Mulder. I didn't think you
allowed yourself the luxury of personal attachments. Emotional
connections are a weakness in our line of work; I thought I'd made
that clear to you. But then she always was a problem, wasn't she? A
lapse in judgement on my part to assign her to you. I thought she was
more ambitious, more interested in career pursuits. More like Diana.
But apparently she was interested in the truth. And in you." He took
another drag on his cigarette. "Anyway, pointless to lament the
situation now."

It was the height of cruelty. Mulder had never suspected he might be
Lily's biological father, and he was perfectly happy being what he was
to her. For the Cancer Man to put that question in his mind, that
hope, it was hateful and he wasn't going to listen to any more of it.
"I'm telling you for the last time-- you shut up!"

"Why? I thought you wanted information."

"I want answers, not theories."

Scully's voice pulled him to the present. "Mulder?"

He turned to look at her.

"You okay?" Realizing he was going to touch her, Scully's eyes widened
as his hand moved for her. He rested his fingers along her cheek, then
gently turned her face away from his.

Not understanding what he was doing, Scully tried to turn back toward
him. "Mulder?"

He held a hand up against her face to stop her. Carefully, he pushed
the hair back off the nape of her neck...

"Mulder what are you doing?"

The scar was there, still white and healed. She hadn't taken it out.
"Just checking."

"Checking?"

"You didn't take it out..?" he wanted to be absolutely positive, to
hear the words from her mouth.

It took her a moment to realize he was talking about the chip. "Oh--
no, of course not. I told you I wouldn't. Why?"

Mulder shrugged. "I just wanted to make sure."

After a moment, she reached over to take his hand. "You really okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," he said, squeezing her hand but not making eye contact.

Scully didn't think he was, but she didn't push it.

**********************************************

The fair was taking place in a part of town unfamiliar to Scully; most
of her trips in were to the grocery store or to find other supplies,
and she'd never ventured further. She was surprised to see the quaint
little neighborhood about half a mile east of their town, nestled
around the local high school's football field and play grounds. Kids
of various ages were playing and making more noise then Scully
could've imagined; it was Lily on a bad day, times ten. In one of the
nearby fields some rides and booths and a makeshift dance floor had
been set up. All along the streets, people had pulled out their
barbecues and were flame-broiling their dinners; the air was thick
with the pleasantly mingled scents of grilled burgers and fresh cut
grass.

Scully let Lily run off and play with the other children, but did not
let her out of her sight. She couldn't stop worrying about her little
girl. Sensing her concern, Mulder rested a hand on her shoulder.
"She's fine, relax. We're safe here."

Her expression indicated relaxing was easier said than done.

"Look Scully, if anyone knew you were here, they'd have shown their
faces a long time ago."

He was right, and Scully felt foolish for being overly paranoid. She
smiled slightly, feeling her mood lighten, and started to walk towards
the booths. But she kept her eye on Lily.

As they neared the area where rides were set up, Mulder turned to her.
"You thirsty?"

Scully nodded, watching as he started off for one of the concession
stands, then drifted over to the shade of a nearby tree. While she
waited for him to return, images of her dream began to surface-- the
fair, Mulder bringing them sodas-- it was all too weird. She turned to
look at the rides and half expected them to be empty, but of course,
they weren't. Her eyes moved to the carousel.

"Hello."

Scully turned around as a hand touched her arm. "Ben. Hi... What are
you doing here?" It was a stupid question-- the entire town was in
attendance, but he'd caught her off guard.

"Just enjoying the day."

He studied her for a moment, and Scully reflected that he had the
unnerving habit of seeming to see right through her. But, like most
men she came in contact with, he was fatally flawed-- he wasn't
Mulder.

"I have to say, I'm surprised to see you here," he said, then smiled.
"You know not a single person in this town has any idea what your name
is?"

A frantic search through the Rolodex of her mind was registering two
aliases no one in their right mind would believe, but just then two
girls riding by on a bike rescued her from having to answer Lucy and
Ethel.

One of the girls was unsteadily navigating the bike while the other
rode on the handle bars. They shouted greetings to Ben. "Hi Mr.
Hanscomb!" they yelled in unison. It was obvious to Scully that the
two teenage girls were smitten. It wasn't hard to see why; Ben's dark
coloring and rugged features made him look dangerous... just the kind
of guy a teenage girl would fantasize about. She smiled at Ben, who
was obviously embarrassed by the attention.

"I teach at the high school," he explained. "History."

Before today, it hadn't even occurred to Scully that there might be a
school there in Derry. Of course there would be, but she had trouble
trying to picture the student body which she imagined must have
consisted of about ten students. Then again, she'd seen more kids--
and adults for that matter-- that day than she had in her entire stay.
There was more to Derry than she'd realized.


Mulder walked back to the spot he'd left Scully but she wasn't there.
As he looked in the direction of the rides, he caught sight of her,
standing in the shade of a large tree. She was talking to some guy.
The image hit him so hard he actually stopped in his tracks; the body
language was unmistakable-- there was a definite attraction between
them. He shook it off and continued towards them. No big deal. She was
a pretty, intelligent woman and it shouldn't surprise him that some
guy would want to talk to her.

But he was standing close, about five miles nearer than Mulder
would've liked him to be; and something about the way they were
talking gave Mulder the impression it wasn't their first meeting. The
look on Scully's face as she caught sight of him confirmed it. He
forced a tight smile in the direction of the other man and handed
Scully her soda.

"Mulder... this is Ben. Ben Hanscomb. He teaches history at the local
high school." She watched as the two men shook hands.

"Hello." Ben was surprised to see the other man, but that emotion
paled in light of his overwhelming disappointment. He tried to be
polite in spite of the fact. "You just get in to town?"

"No," Mulder said shortly.

Ben waited for him to elaborate, but could see that he was the last
person this guy wanted to strike up a conversation with. His eyes went
to the sky, indicating the beautiful but oppressively hot afternoon.
"Well, I better get to the lemonade before it evaporates." He nodded
alternately at Mulder and Scully, his gaze holding hers a second
longer. "Take care now."

They watched as he headed off.

"You got a thing for cowboys, Scully?"

She ignored the comment and flashed him an irritated look. "That was
rude."

"No rude would've been telling him to stick it where the sun don't
shine."

Disregarding him, Scully's eyes followed Lily as she ran around in the
distance with a group of children. The only girl among the pack, her
dress was smeared with dirt and grass stains. Scully felt a smile
surfacing. That's my girl...

It was a prospect he didn't want to face; if Scully had gotten
involved with Hanscomb, could he blame her? As far as she knew, he'd
betrayed her. It wasn't really like her to get casually involved with
someone, but he also knew she was capable... Ed Jerse had been proof
of that. "So?"

"So?" Scully repeated, keeping her eyes on Lily.

"You met him before."

"Just a couple of times."

"Something you want to tell me, Scully?"

Her eyes were trained on the little girl. "No."

Images of Hanscomb and Scully struck him, of Hanscomb touching her,
kissing her, making love to her. It was crushing, and for the first
time he really knew what he'd put Scully through letting her think
he'd slept with someone else. He swallowed. "I thought you said you
were laying low."

"We were."

"So how'd you meet this Hanscomb?" There was a note of desperation in
his tone that he wished hadn't been.

She turned to look at him at last, knowing that he was jealous. "He
came to the house a couple of times."

"He was at the house?"

"What are you asking me, Mulder?"

"You know what I'm asking you."

"Do I?"

"Damn it Scully! Don't play games with me."

"Mulder," she warned.

He blurted the question out before he could stop himself. "Did you
sleep with him?"

Her posture turned rigid, and she had that self-righteous look on her
face that Mulder thought could put a nun to shame. "You don't have any
right to question me--" She stopped, struck by the hurt in his eyes
even though part of her enjoyed it just a little bit. "That's none of
your business, Mulder," she said gently, putting a hand on his arm as
if it would soften the blow, "not anymore."

"Scully-- ," he swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth. So far, the
afternoon had been great; he didn't want to ruin it. "All right,
you're right. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

She studied him for a minute, knowing that it was a difficult thing
for him to do. "I think that's a good idea."

"Good." He smiled, then held up a hand to her. She accepted it, and
they walked past the booths to meet Lily. As they went along, people
eyeballed them, many of them waving politely or offering a friendly
greeting to the woman they'd seen now and then in town.

"You're a minor celebrity, Scully."

"No, just a topic of unending gossip I imagine. Single mother, staying
out on that farm all alone. These people aren't stupid, Mulder. They
know the visitors who usually stay out there don't like to be
bothered, and that they never stay very long." And thankfully, she
thought, neither are we.

Later, as twilight fell on the town, the three outsiders made their
way through the maze of rides. Lily was enchanted by the noise and
colorful lights, and Mulder and Scully were equally charmed by
watching her.

"I can play those games please?"

"Absolutely..." Scully's eyes passed over the nearby booths to scope
out one that was suitable. "How about this one-- the ring toss?"

Lily ran to the small structure. She reached up and grasped the
counter, trying to lift her weight. "Can't do it, Mommy."

Mulder lifted the little girl and set her on the counter as Scully
took out a dollar bill. A skinny, buck toothed kid accepted the money
and instructed them on the rules and how to play.

"Here guys." Lily took the three rings that her dollar had granted
her, distributing one to Scully, one to Mulder and keeping one for
herself.

Mulder and Scully exchanged an amused look. Most kids her age wouldn't
have wanted to share, but Lily was fair and unusually thoughtful; her
generosity continually surprised them.

She displayed her hands questioningly. "Who is first?"

Mulder flashed his ring at her and smiled. "Ladies first."

"You can show for me how to do this game, okay Mommy?"

"I certainly can. You just need to get your ring on one of the bottle
necks..."

Straining over the counter, Scully stared at her intended target in
concentration. But it was always more difficult than it looked, and
her ring bounced off the bottle and landed on the floor. She stared at
it. "Well. I guess you know now what NOT to do," she joked, then
turned to Mulder, indicating for him to give it a try. "Let's do a
shooting game next."

"Those things are always rigged, Scully." Mulder took aim as he spoke.
"You've got a better chance with a game like this." Lobbing it like a
basketball, the ring bounced from the top of one bottle to the other,
then another, and they watched in anticipation to see where it would
finally settle.

Unfortunately, it was the floor.

Scully smirked at him. "You were saying?"

"I said you had a better chance, not that it was easy." He turned his
attention to Lily. "Okay, Spud, wanna give it a shot?"

Lily nodded and Mulder held her steady as she took aim. In an outright
display of beginner's luck, the ring skimmed over the first few rows
and came to rest around the neck of one of the bottles.

At first, there was a moment of stunned silence, then they broke out
in simultaneous smiles.

"I can get that bottle, guys!"

"Lily! You did it! Good job, sweetie," Scully said, reaching out to
pat her back.

"Way to go, Spud." Mulder took her hand, shaking it quickly in
exaggerated congratulations. Lily laughed and he continued to pump her
arm as he spoke to her mother. "She smoked our asses, Scully."

"Mulder..." It was difficult remembering to watch his language, but
Lily picked up everything and the last thing Scully needed was the
little girl going around talking about how she smoked peoples asses.

He smiled apologetically. "Oh, right... what I meant to say was, she
put us to shame."

"She sure did," Scully concurred, leaning over to give her hug. "So
what do you say you? Want to get some popcorn or something?"

"Gotta pee."

"Okay, pee first, popcorn later."

Lily smiled as Scully helped her down and they headed off for the
bathrooms.

The kid behind the counter stopped Mulder as he started to follow
them. "Don't you want your prize?"

"Oh, yeah." He looked over the small colored bears hooked along the
back wall. Lily liked green...

"I'll get it."

Before Mulder had a chance to ask the kid what he meant, he opened the
side door of the booth and disappeared. A few minutes later, he
emerged from around the back with the biggest stuffed animal Mulder
had ever seen. It was almost the same size as the kid, and it came up
to Mulder's chest. "What the hell is this?"

"Red ring wins the extra large bear," the kid said in a monotone that
suggested there was nothing in life that impressed him too much.
"Congratulations." He got back in the booth.

On their way back from the bathroom, Lily and Scully stopped when they
saw Mulder and his companion.

"Hey..." Lily ran to the bear, eyes wide with wonder as her hands
sought out the fuzzy turquoise fur. "This guy is a big bear! Daddy
where did you get him this big bear?"

"It's yours, Spud-- you won it."

Scully walked over to them, arms folded in front of her. Her eyes
smiled at Mulder. "Who's your date?"

"Very funny Scully. Don't let that blank stare fool you; she's a
sparkling conversationalist," he joked.

"I'm sure she is... compared to the ones your used to."

"Ah but you forget, you're part of that list now." It was a gamble, a
risky thing to say. The hurt wasn't that far behind them and being
reminded of that part of their past--even in the context of a joke--
might have brought it back to the surface. But he was pleased to see
Scully take it in stride and give it right back to him... just like
old times.

"Keep sweet talking me like that Mulder; you'll definitely get lucky."
She smiled coyly and led Lily towards the popcorn machine.

Mulder smiled at her back, then started off himself to put Lily's
prize in the back of the truck.

********************************

Night at last claimed the day, and people began to migrate from the
rides and games to the grassy fields to stake out their spots for the
fireworks. Scully walked alongside Mulder, working on her dinner-- a
grilled hotdog. Lily had dozed off on Mulder's shoulder. Scully
realized that watching them together didn't hurt her anymore. His
relationship with Lily no longer threatened her, and she was glad for
that. She'd allowed Mulder to become Daddy, and that was something
that couldn't be undone. 

 "What are you thinking about?"

His question pulled her from her thoughts. "Nothing, really."

She pushed a piece into her mouth, licking the tip of her finger as
she did. Mulder looked away, but couldn't help sneaking another
peek... she was driving him crazy.

They moved off to the edge of the field where the fireworks were about
to begin, settling on a patch of soft grass. It was practically
impossible to get comfortable in that miserable dress; Scully shifted
around until she was sitting cross-legged with her dress tucked
between her legs. She didn't notice that at the side most of her knee
and part of her leg was exposed. Mulder did. He reached over to brush
the fabric back a little further...

His touch was feather-light and felt like an electric shock on her
skin. Scully brushed his hand away and covered up her knee. She knew
what he was doing-- it was his way of flaunting their history at her.
He never would've done that before they slept together.

"You look nice."

"I look like Minnie Pearl," she said, recovering.

"Not even close, Scully." He smiled at her, with that boyish grin that
made her feel like she was wading through warm water. He had been
coming at her full force, and was wearing her down. Once a fool always
a fool, she thought.

She held her hands out for Lily, and Mulder shifted the little girl
over to her. "Let me see my baby," she said, resting the little girl
in her lap and kissing the top of her head. Lily stirred in her sleep.

It was nice to see her happy, to see her relationship with Lily back
the way it should be. Mulder smiled at her. "She's not such a baby
anymore, Scully."

"She'll always be my baby." Scully smiled slightly and looked at him.
"Pretty corny thing to say, isn't it? My mom used to say things like
that and I would think she was some kind of sentimental fool."

Mulder knew she somehow saw that as being less strong. It was
ridiculous. "Showing emotion isn't weakness, Scully. It's human."

She stared at him as the sounds of Patsy Cline drifted through the
night from somewhere behind them.

I fall to pieces

how can I just be your friend?
You want me to act like we've never
kissed
You want me to forget, pretend we've never met
And I've tried
and I've tried but haven't yet;
You walk by and I fall to pieces.


Lily shifted in her sleep then, distracting them both, and they
lowered their eyes to her. "I guess we better wake her up or she's
going to miss the show," Mulder said.

"I think the show will wake her if we don't," Scully assured him.
"Better it be us."

Mulder scooted over, as if he were going to rouse Lily, but instead he
maneuvered until he was sitting behind Scully.

She tensed. "What are you doing?"

"You look cold."

"Nice try, Mulder," Scully said, seeing through his lame attempt at
getting close to her. "I'm fine." But the truth was, she was a little
chilly and welcomed his warmth.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Scully?"

There was a dangerous tone in his voice that made her pulse vault.
Searching for a diversion, Scully woke up her little girl. "Lily...
wake up sweetie. You're going to miss the fireworks."

She woke slowly at first, then more quickly at the mention of the
fireworks. Sitting up in Scully's lap, Lily looked around the field
before them. "Where, Mommy?"

"Pretty soon. You'll know when you see them."

Looking for something to do, Lily took Mulder's hands as they rested
on his knees and brought them together in front of her. The position
pulled him closer against Scully's back, and she held her breath as he
came up against her.

"Look! Clappin'," she said, bringing his hands together again and
again.

Mulder smiled and rested his chin on Scully's shoulder. She relaxed.
It was an affectionate gesture, and it made her feel good.

Lily took one of his hands and held it palm up, then measured her own
against it. "Big hands, Daddy."

Nice hands, Scully thought. Mulder had great hands.

"You do it, Mommy," Lily directed, wanting to see how Scully's
measured up.

"I don't think so, Lily, my hands--" But before she could finish
protesting, Mulder had taken her hand and pressed it against his.

Lily poked their hands in succession. "Little, big, biggest!"

Mulder interlocked his fingers into hers, tracing the back of her hand
with his thumb with a tenderness that spoke volumes about what was in
his heart. It occurred to her then, watching his hand on hers, that no
one would ever touch her like Mulder did.

At that moment the noise started up, the night sky turned bright with
colorful lights and thunderous booms. Only the sound was muffled,
distant, and they realized that the fireworks were being set off in
the other field.

Scully suppressed a laugh. "I guess we should've wondered why we were
the only ones over here..."

Mulder smiled at her ear; he didn't mind.

**************************************

"This one's my FAVORITE." Lily pulled the covers up around them and
settled back against her mother's arm.

"I know--mine too," Scully said, holding her side of the book as Lily
turned the pages. The full-size bed was really too big for the little
girl, but just right for two to snuggle. It was late but Scully had
heard Lily talking to Bear, too excited from her busy day to sleep,
and decided to keep her company. The truth was, she was having trouble
sleeping too...

Mulder shuffled his way to the bathroom and back, so groggy that he
almost missed the light on in Lily's room. He stopped in the doorway,
squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. Scully and Lily were
nestled into the little girl's bed reading a book, whispering in
hushed tones. He smiled. "You guys having a slumber party without me?"

They looked up from their book; Lily met his smile with one of her
own. "You can come here," Lily directed, lifting the sheet in
invitation.

Scully's arm came down to close it. "There's not enough room,
sweetie..."

"Sure there is." Mulder approached the bed and Scully watched him wide
eyed, then relaxed as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. "What are
you guys reading?"

Lily showed him her book.

"I think it's time for bed anyway. This is the third one we've been
through." Scully caressed her hair. "What do you say, Lily?"

"We can do one more book, Mommy."

"No I think that's enough for tonight. Bed time. Say good night."

Lily placed her book on the nightstand and looked at Mulder. "Night,
Daddy."

"Night, Spud." He kissed her cheek and was about to get off the bed
when Lily stopped him.

"Mommy too."

Scully tried to slide from the bed as he moved for her, but wasn't
quick enough-- his hands came to rest on either side of her hips,
pinning her in place with the covers. She lowered her eyes to her lap
and let him kiss her cheek, trying to ignore the fact that he
purposely lingered by her face and the effect it had on her. He stared
at her until she met his eyes. "I think I need another one."

She held his gaze, determined not to let him get to her. "I think
you've met your kiss quota for the day."

Mulder smiled and released her, his eyes following her as she got out
of the bed.

"I can give for you another kiss," Lily offered.

His smile widened. "Now that would make my day." He leaned forward as
she pressed her lips against his cheek.

"Why don't you put her to bed, I'm going to close up."

"Okay."

As Mulder tucked Lily into bed, Scully went around shutting windows;
the distant rumble of thunder signaled the impending rain. The only
window open upstairs was the one in the bathroom. Scully closed it and
started for the stairs. On the way back through the hall she could
hear Mulder and Lily talking, and she slowed her pace, stopping at the
little girl's room. Lily was once again sitting up, exhausted but
still full of energy. Mulder's back was to Scully as she listened from
the door.

"You promised, Daddy-- no flying."

For a minute Mulder wasn't sure what she was talking about. Then he
remembered-- that night she'd come into his room after another
nightmare she had said those words to him. But could she have known
then that he would have to go away? He was again reminded of Scully's
"visions" and prophetic dreams. Scully suspected her daughter might
have the same, and he couldn't say it hadn't crossed his mind as well.
"I had to go back home without you Spud because you were safer here. I
didn't want to go but I had to."

"I know," she said casually, bouncing Bear up and down on her lap.
Then, she clutched him to her chest and looked back up at Mulder. "I
was so happy you are here," she said, sincere and open-hearted,
unhindered by the self-conscious defenses adults protect themselves
with.

Mulder was overwhelmed. To have a child love you was a precious gift,
a sacred sun that warmed your heart when it shined for you. And he had
never experienced anything like it before. He reached out and hugged
her. As he was holding her, memories of his childhood played in his
mind, of his relationship with his own father. They had remained
distant and reserved to the day he died. And Mulder couldn't ever
remember his father telling him he loved him. He wanted better for
Lily. He held her tighter. "I love you Lily," he said lowly. The words
sounded strange and foreign on his tongue; he didn't think he'd ever
spoken them before. It made him feel free.

Scully watched the tender moment they shared, and she remembered why
she had loved him so much. She closed her eyes for a moment, holding
the memory in her heart before she turned and walked away.

********************************

When Mulder came back downstairs, Scully was finishing the fire.

"I told you I'd do that," he said, looking down at her as she stoked
the flames. Her hair was rose gold in the firelight and his hand went
out to touch it, drawn to its beauty like the person it belonged to,
but he stopped, catching himself just in time.

"I don't mind. You're looking at an old pro." She stood and moved to
sit on the couch. Mulder joined her, and they were quiet as they
watched the radiant flames.

Scully's voice finally broke the silence. "Why'd you do it, Mulder?"

He turned to look at her, caught off guard. Finally, after all this
time, she was ready to talk to him.

And he didn't know what to say. A million thoughts were rushing
through his head and he was afraid if he started talking his mouth
wouldn't be able to keep up. But there she was staring at him, waiting
for him to speak, and she deserved an explanation. "I didn't..." he
started, pausing to monitor her reaction, "... do anything."

She regarded him for a moment, then raised her eyebrows. "I don't
understand."

"Nothing happened-- I mean, not what you think." He took a deep breath
as she watched him, waiting for an explanation. "Okay, I was having a
drink and I was approached by this woman. So we were talking, and
um... "

"What did she look like?"

"Scully..." His eyes pleaded with her not to make him do it, but she
refused to look at him.

"What did she look like?"

He let out a slow breath. "I don't know, Scully... brown hair, tall...
what does it matter?"

"It matters to me," she said, still staring at her lap.

"She wasn't anything like you, Scully, okay? It wasn't about you."

She was silent, waiting for him to continue.

Mulder didn't want to get specific about the details of his encounter,
he wanted to spare her that at least. "So anyway, we were talking
and... well, one thing led to another..."

"No."

"No?"

At last she met his eyes. "No. Not 'one thing led to another'. I want
to hear how it happened. Exactly."

Mulder stared at her, reluctant to give her the details she wanted. He
didn't wanted to damage what they'd been slowly starting to repair.
"Scully I don't see the point--"

"I need to hear it, Mulder."

He shifted under her intense stare. Why she needed to hear it he
couldn't understand, but she certainly deserved to. Bracing himself,
he took a deep breath and continued. "Okay." Leaning forward on the
couch, he stared at his hands, slowly rubbing them together as he
spoke. "We were talking, and she was obviously interested; she was
coming on pretty strong. We just, we had a few drinks and she invited
me to come up to her room--"

"Her room...?"

Mulder looked at her briefly as he explained. "It was the Harrington-
her apartment was being fumigated..."

"Oh." Scully looked away and his eyes returned to his hands.

"So anyway, we went up, and I was just standing there at the door,
wondering what the hell I was doing..." Pausing, he dared to glance at
her. Her eyes were fixed on floor, and it was killing him to see the
pain he was causing her.

A knife was twisting its way through her stomach, but like some morbid
curiosity she had to know; she wanted him to continue, so she was
silent.

"So..." his ankle started to tap restlessly on the floor. "She um...
she kissed me."

"There at the door?"

He gave a quick nod. "Yes." Glancing at her sideways, he summoned his
courage. He wanted to be completely honest with her. "I kissed her
back."

Scully closed her eyes and swallowed. She felt nauseous. "And...?"

He shrugged, relieved to have the worst of it over but still shaking
from the anguish of having had to tell it. "And that's when I left...
I just turned around and left. I couldn't even say anything to her. I
felt sick--I didn't know..." His voice trailed off, and they were both
silent for several minutes.

Her mouth dry, Scully could barely squeeze the words out. "Why
Mulder?"

Mulder knew that her question was two-fold. She wanted to know why
he'd done it, and why he lied about it later. "I didn't know why,
Scully. I really didn't. I've never felt more lost... not even that
first time you were taken... I couldn't understand... anyway, when I
got home, I could see what you were thinking, but I couldn't stop you.
I didn't know why. But I think I do now..."

Realizing suddenly that for him, this was the hardest part, Mulder let
his gaze drift to the fire. It would be easier to say if he didn't
have to look at her. "Scully, after Lily, when you were taken away
again, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I would have, if it
hadn't been for Lily. I had to keep it together to take care of her."

He was silent for a few moments, but Scully didn't interject, she let
him gather his thoughts.

At last he continued. "The only way I was able to do that Scully was
by pushing you away, by trying to... I couldn't think about you, it
hurt too much to remember."

Scully studied him; so far he hadn't said anything that she couldn't
understand.

He leaned further forward on the couch, discovering the words as he
spoke them. "I remember this one time your mom brought over this box
of your stuff to give to Lily, and it just sat there in the closet for
days..." His voice became more tremulous as he continued. "I couldn't
look at the things in that box, Scully. I couldn't see them. I
couldn't see them because I knew I'd see you..." He buried his face in
his hands then, the memories of that horrible time crashing in on top
of him and finally breaking him down.

Sliding towards him, Scully put an arm across his slumped figure, her
own voice tight with emotion. "Mulder..."

Finally he pulled his face from the refuge his hands had offered, the
tears stinging his eyes. The distorted vision gave him the sensation
of drowning. "I'm sorry Scully. I wanted to push you away because I
couldn't deal with losing you again..." He turned to look at her. "I'm
so sorry for hurting you like that. I'm sorry for making you hate me.
Please don't hate me, Scully."

He looked so distraught and forlorn, overcome with miserable
abjectness that Scully could feel the hairline fractures surfacing in
her heart. She swallowed, her own voice fragile as she spoke. "I don't
hate you, Mulder." She couldn't stand to see him like that; she
reached out and touched his face. He pulled her towards him and held
her, intending to comfort her but finding in the moment he was the one
being consoled.

Mulder watched her face carefully when she pulled away. He didn't
expect things to be instantly repaired. But he could see that the one
thing he'd wanted more than anything else he finally had; at least he
had his friend back-- completely back. He reached out and embraced her
again. This time when she pulled away, her eyes were troubled.

It was time to forgive and move on, and Scully felt ready to do that.
But it was hard to let go completely.

Mulder smiled reassuringly at her, trying to tell her it would be all
right, but he could sense her hesitation. "I know."

She smiled thinly back.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 12: Falling to Pieces 7/98

Scully sat watching the flames well after Mulder had gone back to bed.
She liked to keep the fire going as long as possible during the night;
it helped take the chill out of the house first thing in the morning.
Since he returned, Mulder had taken on the responsibility for coming
down to tend to it. But it was always a lost cause, and the flames
ultimately died down as Scully stared at them. Her thoughts were
consumed with Mulder's confession.

The changing emotions washed through her. Naturally, she was shocked
to discover he hadn't slept with that woman, but relief was replaced
with confusion at why he'd let her believe he had. Then, his
explanation which she could understand nevertheless left her with a
feeling of numbness, a sense that it was all in the past and just
didn't matter anymore.

She looked at her watch. Just a little past twelve; her hopes of
getting to bed early disappearing with the passing of the midnight
hour. It had been after nine when they got back from the fair.
Exhausted, they'd all gone to bed soon after. What happened between
that time and now seemed to her strangely surreal, and it changed
everything. Or did it? She didn't know how to feel. In a few days
they'd all be going home, and what then? Since they'd been on the run,
she and Mulder had found their friendship again, but was she willing
to take it further for a second time? The fact was, he had hurt her
badly. Would she be repeating the same mistake? Sighing in
frustration, Scully abandoned the couch, fleeing from the unrelenting
questions plaguing her thoughts.

***********************************

The nightmares continued. Always, they involved Scully or Lily being
taken away. This time it was Scully. Mulder was in his room sleeping
when he heard a noise coming from outside-- the sound of wood
splintering, boards creaking under extreme pressure. Peering out the
window, he could tell the sound was coming from the old barn, but it
was difficult to see through the driving rain. Somehow, he knew Scully
was in there. He bolted from bed and ran downstairs as fast as he
could, sprinting from the house and out to the barn. As he approached,
he could see the barn was shaking, the entire structure rattling and
loosening the already dilapidated boards. At the door, he yanked and
pushed at the handle but it appeared to be locked from the inside.
Then, a silent white light exploded from somewhere within, pouring
through the cracks in a bizarre kaleidoscope of lights. He started
throwing himself against the door, using his shoulder as a battering
ram in a frantic attempt to get to Scully. But in the logic-suspended
reality of his dream, the rickety boards were as unyielding as steel.
From somewhere inside, Scully started calling to him, pleading with
him to help her. A sliver of her face appeared between the slats-- an
eye, the side of her nose and part of her mouth. Mulder stuck a finger
through the gap. "Mulder help me," she begged, her finger curling
around his. "Please don't let them take me. Get me out of here--" The
light intensified, and as it did, she began to disappear; not only
from sight but physically, Mulder watched helpless as she lost
substance, fading into a ghost before his eyes. He was screaming out
her name, a madman calling out in the rain, pounding on the absurdly
sturdy structure. And then she was gone. A desperate sound escaped
him, and with it tears of frustration burned in his eyes. The finger
he'd held her with wrapped around nothingness, closed against his own
palm. Empty.

Mulder sat up in bed, cold and drenched in sweat. For a minute, all he
could do was sit there in the dark, listening to the gentle hiss of
rain and the uneven sounds of his own breath. Then he moved to the
window. It was pitch black outside, not even the moon daring to show
its face on such a night, and the rain obscured his view as it had in
his dream. There was a light on in the barn.

With a start he flew from the room, once again moving down the stairs
and out of the house as fast as his legs would carry him.

Scully looked up, startled, as Mulder burst through the door. "Oh my
God Mulder what the hell are you doing? You scared me to death!"

The soft lights strung along the perimeter of the inside cast a warm
glow in the room, exaggerating the shadows within. Scully was curled
up with her book and blanket on some haystacks. Mulder blinked at her.
Chagrined, he wiped a hand over his face to clear it of rain. "I had a
nightmare."

Her features softened. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-- I'm sorry about barging in--"

"Don't worry about it. " She sat up and closed her book, seeing that
he was shaken. "You really okay?"

"I'm fine. What are you doing out here anyway? It's one a.m."

She indicated her book. "Still can't sleep. I come out here sometimes
to read... it's nice."

Mulder never would've pegged Scully for someone who would curl up in a
pile of hay to read, and it would've amused him if he weren't still
wound from his nightmare. He let out a slow breath and nodded, at last
feeling the tension from his dream draining. Teasing her about letting
him join her under the blanket crossed his mind, but he knew he'd been
pushing his luck with her-- if he kept it up she was either going to
succumb or haul out and punch him. "All right... good night."

"Mulder--"

He turned back around.

"Why don't you take that." Scully pointed to the umbrella she'd used
when she came out, propped up against the wall.

Waving his thanks, Mulder took it and disappeared into the downpour.

After Mulder left, Scully tried to get back to her reading but found
she just couldn't concentrate. It was weird having Mulder back. Great,
but weird. She kept forgetting he was in the house. She was used to
having the place to herself-- either during the day when Lily was
running around playing or in the evening after she'd gone to bed.
Twice already she'd bumped in to him-- literally, in the hallway in
the middle of the night as she fumbled her way for the bathroom, clad
only in a flimsy nightshirt.

And then there was the fact that he was... well, Mulder. She'd missed
him in many ways. She'd missed the intimacy, no doubt about that. Sex
with Mulder was always amazing, sometimes sweet and tender and other
times downright dirty... but always unforgettable; every kiss and
touch burned into her memory like lightening bolt images. No one had
ever made her feel like Mulder could. But she had also missed his
companionship, having someone around to talk to and spend time with.
Ironically, now he was back and she couldn't get used to it.

With a sigh Scully gathered her book and blanket and started for the
door. She wasn't going to get any more reading done. She opened the
barn door and stopped. It was still pouring-- and Mulder had her
umbrella. "Great..." Pulling the blanket over her head, she braced
herself and made a dash for the house.

The blanket proved a poor substitute, and by the time she burst
through the kitchen door, she was soaked through. Shivering, she
padded through to the laundry room, leaving a trail of wet footprints
in her wake. She thought about Mulder, upstairs warm and dry in his
bed, and the idea of joining him was tempting...

"Yeah right," she said out loud; you've already been down that road...
The sweatshirt she thought she'd left on top of the washer wasn't, but
the dryer was spinning quietly and promised to have something warm she
could slip on inside. She opened the door and rummaged through the
contents. It was Mulder's-- boxers, tees, socks, and a couple shirts.
Perfect. She stripped off her shirt and pulled out one of Mulder's-- a
long sleeve denim one. She slipped it on, and though her undergarments
were dry her shoulders were still damp and she grimaced as the fabric
came against her skin. She pulled out a pair of his socks and hurried
out to the living room, hoping the fire hadn't died down completely.

She was pleased to see it hadn't. Standing as close as she could
without scorching herself, Scully stripped off her pants and unbunched
the socks. Mulder's shirt was several sizes too big but it was dry and
warm and she was glad for both. As she was bending forward to slip on
a sock, a voice startled her.

"I'd tell you to keep going but I guess that would mean you'd continue
to get dressed..."

Scully looked up, startled to see Mulder sitting at the near end of
the couch... and then she remembered what she was wearing. She
clutched the shirt closed and straightened. "Mulder... what are you
doing down here? I thought you went to bed."

"I wanted to make sure you got in okay," he said, which was true.

"Yeah that walk back from the barn can be treacherous," she responded
dryly. Her eyes drifted down to the coffee table. There was a bottle
of wine and two glasses on its surface. One of the glasses was already
half-emptied.

"I found this bottle in the cabinet-- anyway, I've been sitting here,
thinking... and I was wondering... I thought we could, I thought maybe
you'd like to share some of this with me..."

Scully remembered the last time Mulder had brought her a bottle of
wine, only it wasn't Mulder but VanBlundth-with-the-silent-h. "Eddie?
Is it really you?" she teased.

The amused look they shared passed, and Mulder studied her
thoughtfully for a moment. Yes, he'd been pushing it-- at the fair, he
knew, and later when they were on the bed with Lily, and had almost
again as she knelt in front of the fire when he wanted to touch her.
But he couldn't stand it any more-- it was now or never.

As his eyes fell over the shirt she was wearing to her bare legs
Scully felt that sensation coming over her again; warm water running
through her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She took
a deep breath. "I think I'll pass, thanks," she said, starting for the
stairs. But before she could take a second step Mulder reached out and
grabbed her wrist. He stared her down, his love patient and his desire
consuming...

"That's my shirt," he said lowly.

"So?"

"So I want it back."

"You'll get it back..."

"I want it back now."

"Mulder..."

His eyes fixed her with all his longing.

She licked her lips. "Don't do this to me, Mulder..."

She had a reserved, understated sensuality that was more sexy than she
could ever know. She didn't have any idea how it drove him wild. A
single lame attempt to pull away was all the resistance she offered,
but he was not about to let her get away that easily. He pulled her
closer, until she was standing in front of him, and held her waist.
Lightly, he kissed her bare stomach, then just beneath her navel, then
the band of her underwear. Scully caught her breath as he moved lower.
"Mulder don't--"

In a single, smooth movement he drew her on to the couch until she was
sitting in between his legs, facing away from him. His lips were at
her ear. "Don't move," he whispered.

The feel of his hands was warm as he rested them on her legs, then,
gently, slipped them further down. He pushed her legs apart.

There was a time when he had taken for granted being able to touch her
whenever he wanted. Never again. He slid his hands to her abdomen and
pulled her back against him.

Scully squirmed slightly, another half-hearted attempt to protest, but
her resistance was weakening. She forced the words out. "Mulder I--"

He held her in place. "Shh- relax, don't fight me."

The way he touched her felt too good, and she couldn't help it... as
his hand slid down between her legs, like a small pebble tumbling into
a landslide, the last of her resistance slipped away from her.

Mulder felt her relax against him and was more than a little aroused
by it. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes."

"Tell me..."

"Yes. Yes keep going." He turned her face back towards him and kissed
her. Scully kissed him back, softly at first, then deeper, loving the
taste of wine in his mouth as his hands touched her in all the places
that reminded her how lonely she'd been without him.

The velvet touch of her tongue sent ripples of pleasure down his
midsection, but there was an uncertainty in her kiss, a first-time
awkwardness that only excited him more.

As things started heating up, Scully felt a sense of panic creeping up
on her. Her body seemed to be acting independently, responding to him
with an intensity it always had in spite of what her mind did or did
not want to do. She broke the kissing and stared at him. "I think I'm
going to go up," she said after a moment.

The tone of her voice implied it was not an invitation. "Why?" Mulder
leaned into her again. "I'm having fun."

"Wait...Mulder..." she said between kisses.

The way she kept letting him get just so close and then pushing him
away made him feel like a kid having his toy taken away from him. He
managed a small smile. "Why are you torturing me, Scully?" But he knew
the answer before she even said it.

"Mulder I think we should stop. We already made this mistake once--"

"I don't think it was a mistake."

"At one time you did..."

Mulder stopped and stared at her.

She knew it would hit him hard, but part of her wanted it to-- a last
ditch effort to push him away by that sensible part of her that
refused to believe what they were doing was a good idea.

His mood changed in an instant. Exhaling sharply, he got up,
dislodging Scully in the process. He stalked off toward the stairs.

"Mulder?" She looked after him as he disappeared on the landing.

*****************************************

In his room, Mulder fell heavily onto the bed without bothering to
turn on a light. Folding his hands together behind his head he stared
at the ceiling and seethed, not so much mad at Scully as himself
because he had put that doubt in her mind. And he realized that he
didn't want to have to talk her into it. She had to want it as much as
he did. He sensed her appearance in the doorway, but kept his eyes
fixed above him. "Go to bed, Scully."

"Mulder--"

"You were right," he said tightly. "It was a mistake and we shouldn't
repeat it. We have to think about Lily." It was a lie. It was the
right thing to say but it was a lie.

Scully stared at him for a long time, the tension in his voice belying
the message of his words. As she stood at the doorway, she suddenly
was certain-- knew what was going to happen... like a warm breeze on
her skin, the electricity foretelling the sex they would inevitably
have was charging the air in the room.

But there were still some things that needed to be said. She walked
over to the bed and sat beside him, wanting to tell him I'm sorry, I
want to stop hurting, to stop punishing you, to get past this and move
on; but instead all she said was, "I've missed you."

His eyes fell to meet hers. It was clear to both of them what they
felt, what they wanted to happen. After a moment he spoke. "Scully, it
wasn't a mistake." He regarded her intensely in the dim light, to see
if she could possibly believe that.

To his great astonishment and relief, she could. He could see it in
her eyes. "I want to be better at this, Scully."

"Doesn't everybody." She let out a slow breath. "I don't know what you
want from me, Mulder."

He would've given anything-- his sight, his sanity, his soul, just to
get her back to where they were downstairs, to that moment when she
was kissing him back and needing him as much as he needed her. Mulder
outstretched his hand to her, palm up on the bed. "I want to be the
first person you look for in a crowded room."

She turned to look at him, studying his face in the moonlight. And she
realized then, no matter what she did or said, his love was always
shining down on her, seeping into every pore, refusing to be
deflected. She stared at him for a long moment.

Mulder felt the air catch in his throat as she got close, sliding
along the sheet until she was leaning over him. She kissed him softly
on the cheek, then again, dewdrop kisses along his jaw to his ear and
into his neck. He felt unstable, euphoric; she was deconstructing him
on every level. He closed his eyes and let the sensation wash over
him.

Scully felt his hands come around her, underneath her shirt and over
her bare skin. She stayed on top of him for a while, kissing him until
desire dampened the clothes between them. As they worked their way to
each other, Mulder tried to guide her to him, but she kept moving
away, teasing him until he couldn't stand it anymore. He spun on her,
bore her down on her back and took her at last.

A little dazed, delirious with arousal, she watched him, completely
within his power both physically and emotionally. His body filled
hers; she was loosing gravity, then dropping out of the sky...

It was raw and untamed and it left her breathless. She opened her
eyes. Even in the dim light, she could see it, his own pupils dilating
with increasing arousal. Then, a quick movement of his chest, a
shallow breath, a tightening in his stomach and the following moment
of unparalleled release. Mulder collapsed on top of her, whispering
her name, and for the first time in a long time she felt like things
were finally as they should be.

Her skin was damp and flushed as he pulled from her, a sight he
thought he might never have the pleasure of seeing again. As he rolled
onto his back, he pulled her with him until she was resting in the
crook of his arm. The exhaustion overwhelmed him. Spent and feeling
drugged, his eyelids became heavy. Mulder held her closer. "You won't
be sorry, Scully," he murmured, speaking to her before surrendering to
sleep. He promised her that.

****************************************

Mulder woke at dawn to the sounds of cicadas making their music in the
early morning hours, heedless to humans who were trying to catch up on
sleep. He stretched against the sheets and turned to look at Scully.
She was still out. Sometime during the night they'd made love again,
in that hazy place between wake and dreams where memories exist only
in fragments. The parts he did remember caused him to stir again,
seeking out her small frame among the pale yellow sheets. He stopped
at the sound of Lily's voice from her room, signaling she'd awakened
and it was time to start her day.

"Morning time!" The declaration was followed by the sound of her
footsteps running across the hall. She stopped short in the doorway.
Lily was old enough to know that mommies and daddies were supposed to
sleep together and that hers used to, but now they didn't. Until
today.

Mulder rolled onto his elbow. "Come here, Spud."

She approached the bed with Bear, but her other companion was
conspicuously absent.

"Where's your cat?"

"Sleepin'."

"I guess you're the only one in the house who's not." He had forgotten
how early she liked to rise; since he'd been back Scully usually got
up with her and he had the luxury of sleeping in. "Why don't you go
play for a little bit in your room and then I'll make you some
breakfast."

"Okay."

As she retreated to her bedroom, Mulder closed his eyes in hopes of
catching a few more winks.

It wasn't to be. Lily's voice made its way to him from the bathroom
down the hall. "Got to brush your teeth every day, Mittens. Mommy says
so."

His eyes opened. With a groan, he got out of bed and went to get her.

****************************************

Later, as lunchtime approached, they went around straightening up the
house for their impending departure. Lily tackled her room, and Mulder
and Scully worked on the kitchen. There wasn't a lot to do; Scully had
kept things up during their stay and there wasn't much to pack. Mulder
swept the floor while Scully worked at wiping down the cabinets. It
was mostly a matter of giving the place a once over, to make sure they
left it in good shape for the next occupants.

Mulder indicated Lily's picture of Marge Simpson on the fridge behind
him. "Self-portrait, Scully?" he teased. "Interesting interpretation,
is that cubist?"

She was wiping down the cabinets. "Oh yeah. When you're not around I
wear a tube dress and pearls."

"Don't tease me like that." She smiled slightly but was quiet, and he
knew what was on her mind. "You getting excited about home?"

It was a moment before she answered. "More like anxious."

"You'll be there before you know it."

Standing at the sink wringing out her sponge, Scully nodded. She was
having mixed feelings about their departure, for reasons she'd already
run through her head a million times.

Mulder leaned the broom against the fridge and went to her. He
encircled her in his arms and spoke to her softly. "Everything's gonna
be okay, Scully."

Feeling his arms around her, it was easy to believe that.

*************************************

It had only been a few days since his arrival, but Mulder felt like
he'd been in Derry for weeks. He had told Scully once that if he chose
to settle, it would be in a place like this; his albeit brief respite
on the farm was a little taste of that life. And he was loving every
minute of it. Until the reality of their departure sunk in.

"Hey." Scully came into the room and met him at the closet. "What are
you doing?"

"Looking for my gun." He rummaged around the top shelf, looking for
the duffel bag he'd brought with him. His hand came around the canvas
strap. "Here it is."

Scully watched as he set the bag down on the bed and fished out his
weapon. She could see he was in one of his dark moods. "What do you
need that for?"

He knew what she was thinking: home was supposed to be safe now. But
you could never be too careful. "Just in case."

She knew. It was just hard facing the reality of that possibility.

He caught her worried look and tried to joke. "Haven't you heard,
Scully? Trust no one." Pausing thoughtfully, his mood sobered again
and he added, "not even your family."

She studied him pensively as he started disassembling his firearm,
preparing to clean it. Everyone Mulder knew had betrayed him at one
time or another, even his own parents.

"You're the only person I've ever loved that hasn't betrayed me."

As she continued to stare at him, her heart was rising up in her
throat, knowing those words were his elusory way of telling her he
loved her. It overwhelmed her, and she kept her gaze on him but he
couldn't meet her eyes. After a moment, he looked up briefly and
smiled. "And Lily of course."

Her eyes were locked on him, filled with emotion as he continued to
work on the mundane task of taking apart his gun. He knew she'd
received the message implicit in his words, and she knew if she
acknowledged it overtly it would make him uncomfortable. So she
didn't; instead, she squeezed his arm. "Let's hope we won't need
that."

************************************

That night, Mulder waited with ridiculous anticipation for the day to
be over, for Lily to go to bed so he could be alone with Scully. When
at last bedtime came, he snagged Scully as she came out of Lily's
room, taking her by the arm and pulling her into his room. He held her
face and kissed her.

His arms slipped down and locked around her waist as she tried to pull
away. She kept her voice to a whisper. "Mulder what are you doing!"

He smiled into the kiss. "It's been less than twenty-four hours,
Scully-- don't tell me you don't remember..."

"Lily's not asleep yet."

"Then we'll have to be quiet." Smiling slightly, he hooked his arm
tighter around her, pretending to be rough.

She smiled back and feigned resistance, but his temerity only excited
her more. As he unbuttoned her shirt, she started shaking, and by the
time he undid the button of her shorts she was having trouble
standing.

He manhandled her to the bed and made love to her.

Tired and sweaty, they were quiet as they lay together, making spoons
in the tangled sheets. He let out a slow breath. "You make me feel
young," he whispered.

"Yeah... that cane of yours can be so cumbersome."

"You know what I mean."

Scully smiled, because she did. After a moment she shifted onto her
other side to face him as he settled on his back. There was something
she needed to clear up with him. "Nothing happened, you know-- with
Ben."

He turned his head to look at her, waiting for her to give him more
details.

"I just... Mulder I didn't think you were coming back. I had to think
about Lily..."

It was a risky thing for her to do, and he knew she had not made that
decision lightly. He folded his arms behind his head. "How much does
he know?"

"Nothing. It's not like you're thinking, Mulder. He came to the house
twice only briefly and I turned him away. He doesn't even know our
names."

He pulled his eyes from hers and nodded. The scenarios his imagination
had constructed evaporated, leaving him with an overwhelming sense of
relief.

"Actually he asked about Lily and me-- what our names were, at the
fair."

"What'd you tell him?" Mulder watched a firefly bounce along the
ceiling, sending out its rhythmic glow in hopes of attracting a mate.
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places, pal...

"I drew a blank. I almost told him our names were Lucy and Ethel."

He smiled and turned to look at her.

"No, I didn't. I didn't have to, but..." she took a deep breath,
letting the sentence hang on her exhale. "Let's just say I'm glad we
don't have to find aliases."

"Lucy and Ethel, huh? I guess that makes me Ricki."

Scully smiled. "Or Fred."

"Fred?" He sounded wounded. "You don't see me as the smarmy lounge
singer type, Scully?"

She smirked at him but found her thoughts were turning once again to
DC-- to their future. It was going to be weird going home. She
couldn't wait to see her mom, to get back to her apartment, her job,
her *life*. And it was time to think about getting Lily to school...

Tired of listening to herself think, Scully cut off her thoughts
before the worry could blossom. "Well Lily has her alias just in
case," she joked. After a moment she said, "You know I've never asked
you why you call her Spud."

He was silent, conjuring up the memory. "I can't remember exactly. It
was while you were away, I was making her something to eat and she saw
the potato and looked at me like I was crazy for suggesting she eat
it--"

"I'm not surprised, she probably thought you were about to cannibalize
poor Mr. Potato Head."

Mulder nodded in agreement, feeling a smile surface. "So anyway I was
teasing her about not wanting to eat it-- told her she was a short and
squat little spud like that potato."

The corner of her mouth turned up, she moved closer to him. "You're so
good with her. She's lucky to have you." She rested her chin on his
chest. "We both are."

He watched her with affection, lost in the eyes that held his heart.
He was the lucky one. And it didn't matter-- what had happened in the
past, it was no longer preventing them from moving forward. They were
going to be all right. Then, a black thought drifted to the surface,
seeping through his good mood and poisoning his emotion. There was
still something he needed to tell her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 13:  Brother Wolf, Sister Moon 8.98

 Brother Wolf
and Sister Moon
your time has come.
-The Cult

Scully listened to the even sounds of Mulder's breathing next to her.
He seemed to be at last sleeping peacefully. She worried about his
restless sleep; too often it was a symptom of something troubling him.
She smiled inwardly and recalled childhood phrases about glass houses
and stones... she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a decent
night's sleep-- not counting the previous night which had been brought
on by sheer physical exhaustion. But otherwise there was too much
going on in her head to allow herself the luxury of sleep. She was
worried about going home, about Lily and the likelihood of their
safety. She was worried about Mulder. He knew she'd considered
starting something with Ben Hanscomb, and even though it hadn't
ultimately been realized, on some level that knowledge must have hurt
him. And he still hadn't told her about his meeting with the Cancer
Man. His breathing became erratic again, and he murmured her name in
his sleep. "I'm here," she whispered, snuggling close against him and
willing the demons away. After a few minutes he was still once again,
and before too long, Scully had followed him into sleep.

Sometime later, she woke again when Mulder got up to use the bathroom.
She listened to the sounds of him pulling on his boxer shorts and the
creaking floorboards as he made his way to the bathroom and back. She
made a contented sound as his arms came around her from behind, and
nestled deeper into his embrace. But he was quiet, and after a few
moments she wondered if he'd fallen back asleep. He hadn't.

"Scully?"

She turned around to face him.

It looked like he wanted to say more, but couldn't quite get the words
out. But he didn't have to; she knew what he was thinking. After all
this time, there wasn't anybody who could read those eyes better than
she could. She shook her head. "No Mulder. No regrets."

"No second thoughts?"


"No second thoughts," she assured him. There may have been doubts
before last night, but not now. She couldn't hide from his love
anymore, it was deep inside her, weaving its way through her nerves
and tissue and twisting around her heart. And she wanted it as much as
he did. She caressed his hair. "You've been having nightmares."

"Was I?"

"Pretty intense from what I could see." She propped herself up on an
elbow. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really." he started, but his tone suggested otherwise.

"Tell me."

He was silent. It hadn't really been that bad, his encounter with the
cigarette smoking man. Or at least, that's what he kept telling
himself. Ultimately, he'd achieved what he wanted. But the torment the
man had delighted in putting Mulder through had left its scar-- even
though he doubted the credibility of what the Cancer Man had told him.

It was not something he wanted to get into, though he knew he was only
delaying the inevitable. His voice sounded far away. "I don't know if
I want to do this now Scully..."

"It's time, Mulder. You need to tell me what happened."

She wasn't going to back down so, reluctantly, he filled her in on the
details of their meeting, of how the Cancer Man had let Mulder think
that Scully might be sick or dying and put the question in his mind
that Lily could be his biological daughter after all.

When he was finished, Scully reached out to touch his arm. Of course
it was possible, but highly unlikely. "That was unconscionable, him
insinuating you might be Lily's father. Mulder you know that's not--"

"I know. But it doesn't matter."

Scully got the distinct impression that it did.

"The fact is, I'm not her biological father. I'm fine with that."

"Lily doesn't care, Mulder. You shouldn't either. You're her father in
every way that counts, not some anonymous sperm donor."

He couldn't help but smile at the term. After a moment, he looked back
at her. "It means a lot to me-- that you could say that now, after
everything..."

"It's the truth."

They were silent for several minutes. Scully was right; he was Lily's
father in all the important ways. "It's weird," Mulder said at last.
"I never wanted to be a father. Especially in light of the
relationship I had with my own. To tell you the truth, I never even
really liked kids all that much."

Scully was surprised. "But you've always been so good with them..."
She started flipping back through the files in her memory, remembering
past cases they'd worked on together. "Even Kevin Morris?"

"Yeah he was a cute kid," he conceded.

"And what about Gibson?"

"He was okay..."

"Kevin Kryder?"

"Okay okay, point taken." He smiled at her and shrugged against the
pillow. "Anyway... now I have Lily, and it's perfect." He was
thoughtful for a few seconds. "Charlie Holvey," he said emphatically,
pointing at her, "now that kid I definitely did not like."

She smiled at the ceiling, remembering their bizarre encounters with
the Calusari. After a moment, Scully looked back at him. "He said my
implant could be malfunctioning? Do you think that's possible?"

"I think it's possible but not likely."

"But you can't be sure."

"No I can't be sure, but--"

"What else did he say about it?"

"Look, I'm telling you Scully, we don't have anything to worry about."

"But how do you know?"

"Because I have every reason to be suspicious of the things these
people told me. And besides, you're fine-- you haven't had any
symptoms."

"Mulder--"

"Scully, he was just jerking me around. He--"

"Mulder I had a nosebleed," she blurted out.

A pit formed in his chest, a black cancer of his own eating away at
him from the inside out. It was a moment before he could speak.
"What?" He'd heard her just fine but refused to believe it.

"Two of them actually."

He sat up as she slid from the bed and located a rumpled tee shirt
from the floor. He watched her slip it on. "Scully..." he started, his
voice barely a whisper.

"I attributed it to the dry climate-- I'm sure that's what it is." She
pulled the shirt down over her legs and turned to him slowly. "Still,
it's probably something we should check out when we get back."

"You're right." He nodded, as if trying to convince himself of that
possibility. Of course it could be, and he needed to believe that
until they found out otherwise. But suddenly, there was something
there that hadn't been before-- an iota of credibility in the Cancer
Man's words. And he realized, the thing he'd been keeping from her he
needed to disclose; he had put it off long enough. He moved closer to
the edge of the bed and held out a hand to her. "There's something
else you need to know, Scully--something I haven't told you."

She stayed put. The tone of his voice foretold terrible news,
preparing her for what he was about to tell her. Icy fingers stroked
the back of her neck. "What is it?"

Mulder got out of the bed and they stood facing each other in the dark
room. "It's Lily."

She folded her arms in front of her, an unconscious protective
gesture. "What about Lily?" She stood ramrod straight, her heart
pounding in her ribcage. She wanted to bolt from the room, to take
Lily and run far away from him so she couldn't hear the words she knew
were coming. But she seemed incapable of taking even one step.

"I was told... the kids..." He hesitated, finding he couldn't
continue.

"What?" There was a desperate pitch in her tone, but he remained
silent, staring at her through the dimness. Scully raised her voice.
"Spit it out, Mulder. What about the kids?"

"It's..." He fumbled for the words. "I don't know how to tell you
this, Scully... I just-- the life expectancy of the kids in Lily's age
cohort... it's unclear-- I couldn't determine if it was a
physiological limitation or ... deliberate termination--"

"What are you telling me?"

"Scully you have to understand, I can't be sure the information I
obtained is accurate. What I'm saying is that we can't be positive..."

And then she understood, knew exactly what he was saying. She shut her
eyes, and when she opened them again Mulder was looking back at her,
eyes darkened by his own pain. Her gaze slid to the window. "How
long?" she asked, through lips so numb she could hardly feel them.

"Scully--"

"How long??"

He stared at her. "Five years."

Tears like liquid fire scorched her eyes, but her expression remained
stoic. She wouldn't look at him. She swallowed hard. "Five *more*
years?"

After a moment, he shook his head. She could barely hear his response.
"No."

Slowly, she turned to look at him. "They were lying," she said
tightly, her voice strong with conviction. He started to speak but she
continued before he could interrupt. "They've lied to us before,
Mulder. Why should we believe anything they say to us?"

"I'm not saying that we should-- in fact I don't. But I don't know why
they would lie about something like that either. I just don't know."

"No. I refuse to believe it. Lily is not... dying. She couldn't be
healthier, she never gets sick, she's never even had a cold..." Her
voice, which had risen steadily as she spoke, finally broke.

"Scully--"

She turned her anger on him, channeling it from deep inside with
startling intensity. "Don't stand there and tell me my daughter is
dying when you don't know." Her voice wavered. "Because you don't
know, Mulder. You can't be sure." The rage subsided as quickly as it
arrived, and she was left feeling defeated and heartbroken.

Mulder approached, holding her shoulders and carefully watching her
face. "I'm telling you this Scully because you need to know. So that
if it is true, you can prepare yourself." He tightened his grip. "So
we both can."

She stared out through the dark room, her sorrow-filled eyes black
oceans in the moonlight. Mulder regarded her with concern, but knew
there was nothing he could say or do to make her feel better. He let
her stand in silence, comforting her only by his presence.

"I don't believe it." She pulled away abruptly and walked out of the
room. He followed her to Lily's room, where she knelt by the side of
the little girl's bed. Bear was hooked in one arm, the other sprawled
out alongside her. Her mouth was open slightly in sleep.

Scully watched the child's face in slumber, then her eyes moved down
to her hand, the little chubby Lily-hand that won a Great Big Bear at
the ring toss and shoveled in too many strawberries and drew her silly
pictures of cartoon mothers. A wave of sorrow crashed against her,
powerful enough to register physically and make her shoulders lurch
forward as she stifled a sob. The world went gray and slowly, her head
started down, nestling her face next to the small hand she clutched in
her own. Her heart was tight in her chest, filled with shame and
disappointment at letting loose the tears she'd promised herself she
wouldn't shed.

Mulder went to her. He pulled her away with him, into the hall, away
from Lily so they wouldn't disturb her sleep. Tears streaked her face,
she stared at the floor, unable to look at him. Mulder knew Scully
hated for him to see her like that, and the truth was, it not only
hurt him to see her in pain, it scared him. He relied on her strength,
depended on her much more than she realized.

"Scully, please..." He touched her face. "Don't cry, we don't know for
sure... you have to have faith--"

"I can't," she started, tears straining her voice. She brought a hand
up to her brow, hiding her face from him. "I can't, it hurts too
much."

"Yes you can, Scully." He pulled the hand down away from her face, and
she folded her arms in front of her. She was still staring at the
floor. "Yes you can--" Mulder swallowed the catch in his throat before
he lost it too, and said the words because he felt she needed to hear
them, because seeing her so fragile frightened him, because he
believed them: "You've always been the strong one, Scully..." But he
could see was too far gone, cast away and drowning in her own despair,
and even he couldn't save her. All he could do was stand there
watching her, head bowed and crying silent tears. He pulled her
towards him and held her.

********************************

The next morning as they sat eating breakfast, Scully stared over her
untouched plate at her little girl. Eventually Lily noticed and smiled
across the table. "Mommy stop that!" she reprimanded, thinking Scully
was playing.

Scully managed a small smile in return and lowered her eyes to her
plate, running her fork through the scrambled eggs that had turned
cold ten minutes ago.

Watching her with worry, Mulder reached over and laid a hand on her
wrist. He squeezed it gently, but if she noticed, she gave no
indication. Maybe it had been a mistake to tell her. He'd wanted to
prepare her, but now she was looking at Lily like the little girl was
a walking corpse.

"Mommy..."

Scully looked up at her. Lily had emptied her juice glass and was
holding it up to her face like a telescope. One huge eye peered at
Scully through the thick bottom.

"Need more please," she said.

Mulder picked up the empty container and shook it. "No more, Spud.
Want some water?" He got up and went to the sink.

"No thank you. All finished." Lily slid from her chair and started
outside to play. Mulder watched her go, then went over to Scully. He
leaned forward on the table and waited for her to look at him. She
didn't. "Hey." His fingers brushed her cheek and her eyes rose to meet
his at last. "I want to see you smile."

Her lips pulled down at the corners. She stood and went to the window,
staring at Lily play in the distance like she was watching a ghost.

Mulder couldn't stand to see it, and he snapped. "Stop it Scully," he
said harshly. "Stop acting like she's already dead."

"You can't protect her, Mulder," she responded, no less harsh. "She's
not Samantha and you're not going to be able to live out some
pop-psychology fantasy of healing your childhood by keeping Lily safe,
because you can't keep her safe, no matter where we take her."

"We've come this far--"

"What does that matter if what you told me is true? All of it-- this
time away-- all of it was for nothing."

"That's not true, Scully. You and Lily, you've grown so close here.
She's been happy here. You don't know what her life would have been
like if they took her away again." The implication was clear: better
to spend her last year of life on the farm than being poked and
prodded and possibly left in pain.

"But we don't know. What if they're working on a way to extend her
life? What if I've killed her by keeping her here?"

"Don't say that, Scully."

"Why not? It's possible, isn't it?" She turned back to the window,
watching Lily run around a pile of haystacks. "It doesn't matter--
none of it matters. We're both dead anyway. We always were."

Mulder had had enough. He turned her around, forcing her to pay
attention. He rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned in close.
"You listen to me, Scully." He held her gaze as he pointed out the
window, speaking to her fiercely. "That little girl out there is alive
and well. And we have just as much reason to believe that she's going
to stay that way as we do not to." Her eyes dropped to his chest as he
continued. "You're so quick to believe them, Scully, and I know what
you're afraid of. You're afraid of losing her again, of getting your
hopes up only to watch her fade away. But we don't know. Have you
considered what it might mean if you're wrong? If those responsible
for creating the children were also responsible for destroying them?
Are you willing to risk Lily's happiness-- and yours-- on half-truths
and imputation?"

Scully processed what he was saying. It really didn't make sense that
Lily's age cohort would be the only one limited in such a way. And
they had seen children in that station that were at least ten, eleven
years old. If anything, that would suggest they *had* been lied to.

At last she met his eyes again, and Mulder could see that he was
getting through. His voice softened. "You have a responsibility not
only to protect her, but to love her, to make her feel like every day
is the first day of the rest her life, not the last. No matter what
happens."

Their eyes held as he summoned back her strength and courage, like she
had for him so many times before. "You can't shut the hurt out by
shutting down. I know that more than anyone." His hand moved to touch
her face. "Don't give up on her, Scully. She needs you."

Scully stared at him intensely. Then, she felt the hope and
determination and gratitude rising in her, diluting her worry in a
single miraculous instant. Her lips curled into a thin smile. He was
right.

***************************************

"Hey." Mulder came back into the kitchen and approached Scully at the
sink. "I told you I'd take care of those."

She set a plate in the drying rack. "It's okay," she assured him; it
was only fair since he had cooked. Scully glanced at him over her
shoulder. "Where'd you go anyway?"

"I got something I thought might cheer you up."

Scully smiled; there wasn't anything that could lift her spirits like
his words earlier had. He'd given her a precious gift: hope. And with
it, perspective.

"Remember this?" He came up from behind and suspended his surprise in
front of her face. It was her Apollo key chain.

Her mouth opened in surprise. "Where did you get that?"

"When I was home. I saw it and couldn't resist bringing it back with
me."

She was smiling widely now, as thrilled with the gift that moment as
she had been the day he gave it to her. It was big and gaudy but she'd
used it faithfully and loved it if only because he had given it to
her. Aside from a sports video that was more a token, it was the only
thing Mulder had ever given her, and she had cherished it.

It had more of an effect on her than he'd hoped, and Mulder was
pleased. He set the key chain on the basin in front of them.

"What are you doing?"

He encircled his arms around her, sinking his hands into the soapy
water and taking hers. "I'm making sure you do a good job. Because you
know, it's important to be thorough..."

His voice was growing thick, dropping to that dangerous tone she knew
only too well. His fingers moved along the back of her hand, lightly
sliding over the curves of each finger.

Scully closed her eyes. She wanted to freeze that moment, standing in
a bright ray of morning sunshine with Mulder's arms around her,
holding her against his chest and making her feel like there was
nothing in the world but the sound of his voice at her ear and the
heat of desire stirring against the small of her back.

"Turn around."

Slowly, she faced him and eagerly accepted his kisses, warm and wet
and sweet on her lips. They were both trembling as the arousal
escalated; he was kissing her hard and it was so easy to forget where
they were...

"I'm back inside," Lily announced as she passed through the screen
door, her tone making it sound as he if she'd been away for days.

Hearing the little girl's voice doused him quickly. They pulled from
the embrace and Scully tried to even out her breathing, but was having
a harder time recovering than he had.

Lily made her way to the fridge and yanked the handle. "Mommy you can
open this for I can snack some cheese?"

She forced the air back into her lungs and tucked a strand of hair
behind her ear. "Lily, you just ate breakfast." It was obvious to
Scully that the little girl was bored. She smiled at her. "Why don't
you come here and you can help me with the dishes."

"Okay." She headed for the bathroom. "Got to go here first," she said,
disappearing inside.

Mulder smiled at Scully as she pulled up a chair to the counter. He
lowered his voice and leaned into her, smiling slightly. "You, me, my
room, eight p.m. sharp."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "It's a date."

"Or something like that," he said, with a look on his face that left
her longing for half an hour alone in some secluded place with him.

Lily emerged from the bathroom and Scully turned to face her. "Come
here you."

Mulder helped Lily up. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her,
turning his face away from Scully so she wouldn't see the unexpected
pang of sadness that clouded his features. "Okay Spud. You help out
your mother then you can come help me outside, okay?"

"No problem."

They watched as he left, making his way to the chicken coop. He
refused to use the basket, preferring instead to turn up the front of
his shirt and bundle the eggs in there. Apparently, Scully presumed,
the basket was just too much of a blow to his masculinity. She smiled
at the thought.

Lily surveyed the sink and countertop in front of them, then looked up
at her mother. "We're two dish ladies!" she proclaimed, dunking her
hands in the water.

"Yes we are," Scully agreed, then instructed her as she wiped a spoon
with the sponge. "You're very good at that Lily. You were born to do
dishes," she teased.

"No, Mommy," she said, that notion ridiculous to a child's
egocentricity. "You borned a baby so you could know ME."

Scully stared at her little girl, who was oblivious to the conflict
and consternation she'd caused her mother with her words. The pain and
love were battling it out inside her. But in the end, the latter won
out, and Scully smiled.

*********************************

The hours dragged on, and by the time night fell Scully was exhausted
simply from the passing of the day. They were pretty much ready to go,
and since Mulder had taken over a lot of the responsibilities of
keeping up the farm's routine, she found she had a lot more free time
on her hands. She soon realized it was better to be busy, as the time
ticked away at a snail's pace and left her to drive herself crazy with
her own thoughts. And somehow, the emotional exhaustion was worse than
the physical.

In spite of her fatigue, Scully was restless and found herself lying
in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about her little girl.
Mulder was lying on his side next to her, holding her hand. He was
right, she had to keep faith. They'd been lied to too many times in
the past and she had to believe Lily was going to be all right. But
that raised other questions. She had taken for granted that her
daughter would become an adult. It never occurred to her that she was
never meant to be.

"What are you thinking about?" As if he had to ask.

"Lily." She took a deep breath. "If they lied to us... what do you
think it could mean for her, to grow up if an adult was something she
wasn't ever supposed to be? If they intended to kill her before she
even reached puberty?"

"It's impossible to say, Scully. It could mean everything, or nothing
at all." He rolled onto his back and settled his hands beneath his
head. "I don't know, Scully... I don't see the point in discussing
this right now. All we can do is speculate--"

"I want to discuss this, Mulder." She regarded him earnestly. "I need
to."

He turned to look at her, then sighed deeply. It was a moment before
he started to speak. "I know we don't want to consider this as a
possibility, but it could be that she physically just isn't capable of
achieving adulthood."

He was right-- she did not want to consider it. Not anymore.

"But if she can, and does, it might mean a precocity, a heightened
intellect, maybe subsequent emotional difficulties."

"Psychosis?" She sounded stunned. In a way, that was worse than
watching Lily die.

"We've seen it before..." They were silent, remembering the brilliant
but unfortunately quite deranged little girls who "just knew". Mulder
had wondered off and on over the years what had become of the
remaining Eves.

Scully turned her head to look at him. "Mulder..." she started, then
conviction filled her voice. "No. Lily's not like them. I don't
believe that."

"I don't either, Scully. I just think we have to prepare ourselves for
every possibility."

For a moment, they lay unmoving, watching each other through the
dimness, then Scully nestled closer. There was nothing else to say, so
they held each other, sharing sleepy kisses and eventually finding
each other without bothering to remove their clothes. His ability to
take her so completely away, to focus her so entirely that she forgot
that anything existed beyond Fox Mulder was just what she needed.

The silence endured after they were finished; Scully lingered on the
verge of sleep for quite some time, and, at last, slipped in.

******************************

"DAMN IT SCULLY DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"

Mulder sat straight up in bed, disoriented and agitated as his dream
collapsed around him. The echo of his own voice haunted him. Running a
hand through his hair, he looked down at Scully as she slept beside
him. The throbbing in his head was keeping him from thinking straight,
and he touched her to make sure she was okay. She shifted and let out
a deep breath. Relieved, Mulder lay back down, trying to piece
together his dream. Only fragments surfaced: Scully had been dying, he
was trying to revive her, and there was blood. A lot of blood.

Frustrated when no more images would come, he turned over on his side
and pulled Scully closer. He closed his eyes and slowly, a dreamless
sleep like death settled over him, and he didn't wake again until
morning.

*****************************************

Lily wandered into the bathroom as Scully showered. "Mommy? Daddy says
when you gonna finish."

"Tell him to keep his shirt on," Scully called, rinsing the last of
the soap from her face.

"What you want me to say?"

Scully smiled into the spray and poked her head out from behind the
curtain. "Tell him I'm almost done," she said through a plume of warm
steam.

"Okay." As she reached the door, Mulder started through. Lily put a
hand on the knob and pushed it against him.

He took a step back. "What are you doing, Spud?"

"No boys in here, Daddy. Only for girls. Mommy says put your shirt
on." She closed the door.

Mulder stared at the painted wood, indignant. He plucked at the front
of his tee shirt. "Put my shirt on?... Spud?" He tried tapping at the
door. The corner of his mouth turned up the slightest bit; Lily was at
the age where she was making strict distinctions between boys and
girls. But, her restrictions were not entirely consistent...

"Shaving?"

It was his turn in the bathroom and though she had banned Mulder from
Scully's shower, Lily didn't seem to have any trouble infringing on
his time while he was shaving. Mulder ran the razor up under his chin.
"Yeah." He looked down at Lily as she rested her elbows along the
sink. "What about you?"

"I'm watching," she said, passing her finger through the running
water. "I can do it?"

"I don't think so, Spud, I like my nose where it is."

She pulled his stick deodorant off the counter and popped the top off.
"Don't forget your pits."

Mulder swiped it out of her hands, giving her a sideways glance. "You
trying to tell me something?"

"Daddy? How come you got no toys?"

An amused smile grazed his lips. "I don't need toys because you share
yours with me."

"Oh." She studied him as he worked at clearing away the foam. "What
you gonna do after?"

"Take a shower."

"Then what?"

Mulder smiled and wiped away the last of the shaving cream. He was
happy to play her game. "Dry off."

"Then what?"

"Get dressed."

"Then what?"

"Put my shoes on."

She was grinning now, thrilled that he was playing along. "Then what?"

"Then I'm gonna take a curious little girl and stick her out in the
barn so she can ask the field mice all her questions."

"Hey!"

He smiled. "Then I'm going to brush my teeth."

"I got teeth," she said, curling back her upper lip so he could see.
She tapped them with her finger.

"So I see." He watched her, wondering what she would say next. He was
endlessly fascinated by how her mind worked.

Lily picked up the razor and banged it along the sink like she'd seen
him do many times, leaving the clumps of tiny hairs that Scully
loathed along its smooth surface. Mulder could see the wheels turning
in her head. "Bad guys have big teeth."

A hint of a smile surfaced; he wondered where that came from. "What?
What bad guys?"

"I had a bad dream and there was this bad guy and he had really big
teeth and he bit me and--"

"Lily!" He tenderly rested a hand on her head. "That's a terrible
dream."

"No 'cause Mittens came and he goed like this," she curled up her
fingers like claws to demonstrate, "and he ate him up. No more bad
guys."

Mulder held her gaze, concerned that her nightmares were continuing.
It killed him to think she was having dreams like that; he wanted to
be able to protect her even when she was sleeping.

"When I'm a big girl I gonna get a air-plane and fly all around for no
bad guys can find me."

He was silent as she went back to playing in the sink, and Mulder
found the wheels were turning in his own head.

********************************************

The sound of Lily's laughter, of that high-pitched giggle Scully loved
was music to her ears. She smiled and followed the sound into her
bedroom, where Mulder was on the floor, holding out a hand to prevent
Lily from charging him. His palm was pressed against the crown of her
head, holding her back. Lily was trying hard to get at him but her own
laughter was sabotaging her efforts.

Mulder was egging her on. "What's the matter, Spud? Come on, come get
me."

He was such an incorrigible tease. Scully went over to her night table
and fished around the top drawer through the contents-- for the most
part the things she'd discovered on emptying out her jacket pockets.
She pushed her badge aside and found what she was looking for. She
tucked one of the items in her front pocket, the other in her back and
approached the two disputants. She knelt down beside her little girl.
"Might I suggest an alternate strategy?" she asked conspiratorially.

Lily ceased her attack and regarded her mother. "Daddy's bugging me,"
she confessed, sounding both frustrated and amused at the same time.

"I know the feeling," Scully said, casting a sly smile at Mulder.

"You wound me, Scully."

"Now just remember, Mulder," she said, crawling towards him on her
hands and knees. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you..."

Seeing her come towards him on all fours made every nerve stand at
attention; she had no idea how sexy she was. "Is this something Lily
should see?" he joked.

Her eyes playful, she reached behind her back and produced the pair of
handcuffs.

"Okay now I REALLY think Lily should leave."

Normally, she would've been quicker on the draw, but trying not to
smile slowed her down... as she reached for his hand he grabbed her,
pushing her back on her haunches and handcuffing her to the heavy iron
leg of the bed frame. "Mulder!"

He was grinning at her, very pleased with himself.

"You take these off me right now," she said in her best
I'm-not-fooling-around-here voice. She was not happy with the turn of
events and being restrained like that had always made her feel
panicky.

Lily came over and poked the chains. "Mommy you got bracelets."

"Lily, come here sweetie," she said, indicating for her to come
closer. She did, and Scully whispered in her ear. Lily nodded and
reached into Scully's pocket. She pulled out the key.

"No you don't--" Mulder snatched them from her and smiled at Scully,
victorious.

It was hard not to smile back but she managed. "Mulder," she said,
keeping her voice even, "I want you to let me go-- now..."

"Or what, Scully?"

"Mulder I'm not kidding, undo these things now."

His tone was patronizing. "Only if you're gonna play nice."

"Playing? Is this your idea of playing house, Mulder?" she teased. "Is
that what we're doing here?" She smiled at him then; a full, genuine
smile the likes of which he had only seen once-- after he'd come to on
that military base in the Arctic. It was like every Christmas and
every birthday he'd ever had rolled into one. When she was smiling at
him like that, it was easy to believe it was all going to work out,
that Scully wasn't sick and Lily wasn't dying and he wasn't in danger
of losing the two people he couldn't live with out. No, maybe not
playing house, but playing. And that fact alone was miraculous enough
to make him feel that, no matter what happened when they got home,
they were going to be okay.

****************************

That night, they lie in bed in silence for a long time, neither of
them having any luck finding sleep. Feeling Mulder's eyes on her,
Scully turned to look at him. They smiled at their mutual insomnia,
and Scully moved to him, bringing her face close. "I can think of
better ways to spend a sleepless night."

Mulder smiled and put his arms around her. "Now why didn't I think of
that?"

Her lips brushed his. "I don't know," she whispered, "you must be
slipping..."

He pulled back suddenly. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Scully propped herself up and listened; there was a
rustling noise downstairs. She relaxed when she recognized what it
was. "Mittens." She sighed and got up out of the bed. "I'll get him."

Mulder looked after her as she left, enjoying the sight of her petite
frame in the oversized nightshirt. He inhaled slowly as his eyes
passed over the objects in the room. He'd been trying to imagine what
it would be like going home, to be back in his apartment and working
and wondering if either of those things would still involve Scully. He
was too afraid to ask her. As far as he was concerned, he'd be
perfectly content to spend the rest of his life tucked away with her
in a quaint little town in the middle of nowhere.

Downstairs, it was as Scully suspected, and Mittens was indeed the
culprit. At least once a night, the little scavenger liked to hit the
garbage can. There he was looking up at her, not the least bit
concerned about having been caught red handed. Scully sighed and
crouched down to pick up the mess. As she reached for a tuna can, a
foot stepped into view, and her first thought was how odd that was.
Her second was panic. Scully scrambled backward and stood. "Mulder!"

Upstairs, Mulder sat up straight in bed at the sound of Scully's
voice, thin and strained with fear. He ran to the closet and pulled
his duffel bag down. As he bolted from the bedroom, he did a double
take as he glanced into Lily's room and his heart fell to the floor.
She wasn't in bed.

Scully wriggled an arm free and threw a punch at the intruder's face.
Her fist connected squarely with his cheek, the unexpected blow
momentarily stunning him, but then the man lunged for her before she
could get away. He grabbed Scully by the hair and turned her around,
thrusting her into the living room. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The little girl--where is she?" he repeated.

The strands of hair screamed against her scalp under the strain as he
yanked it. She held her ground. "I don't know what you're talking
about."

Mulder hit the bottom step in time to see Scully being thrown to the
floor. He lifted his gun.

In response, the man pointed his at Scully. "Drop your weapon."

There was no hesitation; he held up his hands, letting his gun go
belly up in his palm and slide from his finger. It landed with a loud
clunk on the floor.

"Step closer."

Mulder did as he the man instructed.

"That's close enough." This time he addressed Mulder with his
question. "Where is she-- the little girl."

"Where do you think she'd be in the middle of the night?"

"She's not in her room-- tell me where she is."

Scully's eyes met Mulder's questioningly: she's not in bed?

He indicated a negative response, then his eyes flickered to the end
of the couch and back to the intruder. "She's upstairs..."

"Mulder!" Scully's eyes were locked on him, desperate and fierce. She
knew there was only one thing on this earth that could ever force him
to give up the little girl he loved. And she was it.

"Where upstairs?"

Mulder looked back at Scully, and this time her eyes were pleading
with him: don't give up my baby.

"Where is she hiding?" he repeated, pressing the barrel against
Scully's temple.

It shook him, and Scully could see it. She started to get up.
"Mulder..."

The man grabbed the back of her shirt and shoved her to her knees in
front of him. "Tell me or I'll kill her."

The horror of that night Scully was taken again, the night Lily was
returned, came flooding back into his memory. Scully had told him then
that she wouldn't forgive him if he let Lily go. At the time, all he
could think about was keeping Scully safe, even if she wound up hating
him... Mulder stared at the dark-suited man, paralyzed by the
impossible choice.

The man was loosing his patience; he cocked the hammer back. "Tell me
now!" he yelled.

"NO!" Mulder held out his hand. "No, don't shoot. I'll tell you where
she is." He looked back at Scully.

"Mulder..." she warned. They were going to kill her anyway, and she
would do whatever it took to make sure that man did not get his hands
on Lily, even if it meant sacrificing herself.

The man tried a different approach. "Look, I'm not going to hurt her;
I need something from her." Beads of sweat had started to form on his
forehead, but he didn't wipe them away. "I get what I need, then I'll
go."

Mulder hesitated, holding Scully's gaze and silently imploring her to
understand, but her eyes burned at him through the strands of hair
hanging in her face.

The man watched as the two friends stared at each other, deadlocked.
It was time to move things along. He took hold of Scully's shoulder
and, pushing her further to the floor, kicked her in the ribs as
punishment for keeping him waiting.

Instinctively, Mulder took a step closer.

"Not so fast." The man trained his gun on him.

But his eyes were glued on Scully. She was curled up into a ball on
the floor, protecting herself against further blows. Mulder ran a hand
through his hair, furious, frustrated and helpless.

The man hit her again, this time on the small of her back.

"You touch her again you son of a bitch and I swear to God I'LL KILL
YOU!" Mulder was shaking with rage. He knew that Scully would gladly
accept whatever hits the man dished out if it meant protecting her
daughter, but he wasn't about to stand there and watch it.

The intruder turned his gun back on her as she writhed on the floor,
trying to catch her breath. "How interesting." He sounded mildly
amused. "I think we're finally getting somewhere. Now unless you want
to see me beat her senseless, you'll tell me where the girl is
hiding."

After a beat, he started. "She--"

"Mulder don't!"

"Shut up, Scully!"

"Don't do it Mulder!" she shouted, getting to her feet.

"She's in bed." Mulder couldn't meet Scully's eyes.

"You must think I'm pretty stupid. That was the first place I
checked."

He didn't miss a beat. "No, she sleeps in with us sometimes. She's in
our bed." Calm. Convincing. The voice of a man telling the
God's-honest truth.

Scully's face relaxed as she realized what he was doing, but only
slightly. Mulder's stared at the gunman, trying to keep his expression
confident.

The expression on the other man's face remained skeptical, but he
motioned with his gun for them to start upstairs.

As they reached the landing on the second floor, the panic was
crawling up her skin, and Scully realized she needed to do something--
fast. The gunman was a few steps behind her in the stairwell; she
would have less an advantage once he reached equal footing. She stared
at Mulder's back. She didn't think he was close enough to be able to
help her go for the gun; she would have to do it herself. Once she
started, her FBI training kicked in-- she whirled on the gunman before
he could reach the landing, clamping her hands over the gun and
pushing it aside as the shot ricocheted off the wall. The man started
to lose his balance on the step, and Scully took the opportunity to
kick him in the chest and help him the rest of the way down.

Mulder rushed past her then, and she watched as they struggled for the
gun on the landing half way down. It didn't last long, and as a single
gunshot went off Scully knew immediately it wasn't Mulder who'd been
hit; she saw the intruder's body jolt with the impact.

"Lily!" Scully ran down the hall, calling out her little girl's name.
"Lily where are you?"

"Scully!" Mulder motioned for her to follow and disappeared back down
the staircase.

Her eyebrows knitted but she followed anyway, speaking to his back as
they hurried down the stairs. "What? What are you doing?"

"Here..." He strode across the room and crouched down by the end of
the sofa. "Lily--come here, Spud."

Clutching Bear in one arm, she crawled out from underneath the end
table and into Mulder's arms. "Bad guys comin'."

"I know." Mulder hoisted the little girl up and didn't waste anytime;
he moved past Scully and started for the stairs, holding Lily's face
into his chest so she wouldn't see the body there. "Come on Scully."

She followed him, a relieved smile grazing her lips at the sight of
Lily, safe and sound in Mulder's arms. "She was there? The whole
time?" She was eternally grateful he'd managed to lure their intruder
upstairs, not only getting him further away from Lily but because the
little girl wouldn't have had to witness any more harm come to either
of them if things had gone wrong.

Mulder didn't answer, he was already in his room, shoving some last
minute things in his duffel as Lily watched. He was upset and shaken;
the shattered images of his latest nightmare had come too close to
being reality. "We've got to get out of here, now."

She lowered her voice and whispered to him. "You think there are
more?"

"If there aren't, there will be."

"Mommy Mittens waked me up..."

"I know, sweetie..." She pulled on her jeans and clipped her gun to
the back.

"There was a mean guy downstairs."

Scully herded the little girl into her room and helped her strip off
her nightclothes. "He can't hurt you now, Lily, it's all right." She
pulled a tee shirt over Lily's head and guided her arms through.

"We have to go, Mommy?" she asked, stepping into her jeans.

"Yes." She picked Bear up off the floor and handed him back to her.
"Help me Lily..." Scully held out the sneaker for the little girl to
put her foot in. When they were done they joined Mulder back in his
room. They were ready to go.

But before they could make their escape, the intruders arrived sooner
than anticipated. As Mulder and Scully were hastily pulling on their
own shoes, the simultaneous noises of breaking glass downstairs and
thudding on the roof caused them to momentarily freeze.

"Let's go!" Mulder pulled on his remaining shoe and scooped Lily up,
leading them out into the hallway. He stopped dead just beyond the
door. There was a dark figure standing down at the other end. "MOVE!"
Mulder pulled Scully ahead of him and gave her a push. They retreated
down the stairs with the sound of footsteps advancing on them. As they
made it to the door, Scully turned briefly and fired her gun at
another figure in the kitchen, covering them as they made it outside.

Scully stared at the old pickup with a sense of dread as they raced
for it. There was no way they were going to be able to outrun anyone
in that junk heap. That was, provided they could get it started.

Inside, Mulder turned the key in the ignition and the engine rolled
over, but wouldn't catch. He tried again, and again...

One of the intruders was closing in on the truck, and another appeared
in the doorway. "Mulder it's not working, we have to find another
way!"

Then he remembered-- the car he'd arrived in was still ditched in the
tall grass up along the main road. He'd completely forgotten about it.
Exiting the truck quickly, he fired several shots and watched as the
intruders sought cover. He was successful in buying them more time--
but not much. He tapped on the window, indicating for Scully to get
out, and started for the field.

Scully brought Lily into her arms and followed him. "Mulder what are
we doing?"

"The Volvo."

"The Volvo?" she asked, catching up to him.

A bullet flew by her ear, far enough away to make her guess they were
wanted alive but still too close for comfort.

"The car I came in-- come on..." He pulled Lily from her and started
running, and they made their way top speed to the road. Scully's eyes
were fixed on Lily's face, peering back at her over Mulder's shoulder.
Please God, please let her get away. Like some horrible nightmare, she
has the sense that someone was closing in on her, but every time she
looked behind her all she could see was darkness.

With only the dim light from the moon to see by and the tall grass as
camouflage, the car wasn't visible until they were practically on top
of it. The piled inside, and as Mulder fished the key out from under
the seat Scully kept her eyes on the field. It was too dark though,
and undoubtedly once their pursuers were in sight they would be too
close. Scully put a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Lily get down."

She complied, squeezing down as best she could into the space between
her mother and the gearshift.

The 850 Turbo sped away into the night, with no apparent sign of the
gunmen following. Scully's eyes remained glued out the back window,
Mulder's darted back and forth from the review mirror to the road in
front of them. It wasn't until they'd been travelling for almost half
an hour that Scully started to relax. She faced forward in her seat
and as her eyes passed along the sleek lines of the dash, the absurd
thought crossed her mind that they'd been putting up with a
certifiable piece of crap for months while Mulder was cruising around
in a luxury sports sedan.

Mulder caught her look and explained. "I got this for us. For going
home." He shrugged. "In case you didn't want to spend another week
here waiting for our flights. It's second-hand..."

But she didn't really care about the car, it was just one of those
inane thoughts that popped into a person's head in moments of
heightened stress. Her gaze dropped down to Lily, who had scooted back
up and was leaning against her mother's arm. Scully felt a pang of
guilt-- she probably should have instructed her to get in the back
seat and fasten her seatbelt when they got in, especially since an
all-out car chase might have ensued. "Lily, get in the back seat and
I'll help you with your seatbelt."

She was quite suddenly and understandably possessed by Tired and
Crabby Lily. "Don't want to do it, Mommy."

It was an unfortunate result of riding around in the truck that Lily
had grown used to not wearing her seat belt. "Don't argue with me
Lily-- just do it," Scully said, trying to sound firm but finding she
just couldn't summon the conviction.

Lily closed her eyes and folded her arms in front of her in a gesture
of defiance. It wasn't like her, and Scully debated about whether or
not to push it. After the ordeal they'd all been through, she decided
not to. So they sat in silence for several minutes, still stunned from
the experience.

After a while Lily spoke up, her face distorted with despair. "Mommy?
Mittens will miss me?"

Her reaction was instant and unequivocal; Scully was furious-- it was
just one more thing Lily loved that was taken away from her. Scully
stared at her, at a loss for words.

"Damn it!" Mulder shouted, slamming his hand against the steering
wheel. He'd been silent up until that point, fuming and glowering
until the anger reached boiling point. "This is my fault! That
son-of-a-bitch had me followed!"

Lily turned her face in to her mother's side, upset with Mulder's
uncharacteristic tone.

"Mulder..." Scully cautioned.

"This is all my fault," he repeated softly, staring out at the road as
the endless broken yellow lines droned on in front of them. And it was
clear to her that he was not talking to anyone in particular. "You
were safe...I led them right to you."

"Mulder don't do this--"

"What are we going to do, Scully?" His voice was beaten, vanquished.
"What are we going to do?"

End


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring: Epilogue 9.98

"Something is beautiful and true
in a world that's ugly and a lie..."
-Matthew Sweet

Offspring
Epilogue: Exhile

Shadows filled his eyes as he watched her through the glass. Slowly,
Scully was moved into the machine. Mulder leaned an arm up along the
sill, silently pleading that she would be okay. He wasn't a religious
man, but at that moment he was ready to pray to God or sell his soul--
whichever one would keep Scully from being sick. It had nearly killed
him the last time; it was too hard to watch her suffer. And at the
time he'd hoped neither of them would have to go through it again.

This, however, was the choice he'd made. He'd tried pushing her away,
had asked the impossible of himself and hurt Scully in the process.
And in the end, he knew he would rather be with her and love her,
would risk the possibility of being devastated if something happened
to her rather than live apart from her.

"Mommy..." Lily pressed a hand to the glass, her eyes clouded with
worry and sadness. She was sitting up on her knees watching Scully
through the same window.

"Lily--"

She turned her face to look up at him. "Mommy's head is hurting?"

"No Spud, I told you, they're just going to take some pictures."

She flattened a finger against the glass, pointing to one of the
attendants assisting Scully. "Doctor's gonna make her all better,
right, Daddy?" she asked, her eyes wide and seeking assurance from
him.

Mulder stared back at her, not knowing how to respond... a normal
question from a little girl who's life had been anything but. "We
don't know that she's even sick at all, Lily. That's what we're going
to find out."

"Mommy's not scared," she said, the words hinting at her own fear.

"Listen Spud," he picked her up out of the chair. "It's all right,
that machine won't hurt her."

Her face was grim with despair, a deep sorrow that did not belong in
the eyes of a little girl. "Really, she's gonna be okay. I promise,"
he said, but was unable to meet her eyes.

Lily regarded him dubiously as he set her back down on the floor.

It would be an hour or more before Scully was finished with her tests
and her blood work was back from the lab. But sitting around waiting
like they were was going to make that hour seem like a year. Mulder
took her hand. "Why don't we go downstairs and see if we can find a
soda machine," he suggested. Lily nodded in response, though she
didn't really look like she wanted anything to drink. Casting a final
somber glance at Scully, he led the little girl toward the elevator.

A couple of sodas and a pit stop later, they returned to the fourth
floor and went to meet Scully. But she wasn't where they'd left her,
and Mulder quickly started to panic. He approached an orderly. "Where
is she? The woman that was having the MRI..?"

The orderly shook his head, taken back by the other man's insistent
demeanor. "I don't know--"

A nurse approached from behind. "Mr. Hale..."

Mulder continued to rave at the man. "What do you mean you don't know?
She was just here half an hour ago!"

"Mr. Hale!" Louder this time.

It took Mulder a moment to realize she was talking to him. He turned
to face her, chagrined, but it didn't ease his tenacity. He stalked
towards her. "You-- you were here earlier, where is she? The woman
having the MRI?"

"Sir, she's getting dressed," the nurse said coolly. She indicated a
door to her left. "You can go in there and wait for her."

Mulder stared at her, then offered a quick nod. "Thank you." He took
Lily's hand and was about to head for the door but stopped. "Do you
know, did she get the results? We had made special arrangements to get
them, we're leaving the country--"

"Yes I know," the nurse interrupted; she'd already been informed of
their situation. "The blood work just came up from the lab, and the
doctor has discussed all the results with your wife." She'd hesitated
slightly before saying that last word; these days you could never make
assumptions, even when there was a kid involved.

Mulder nodded. He didn't care that it wasn't true, he was only
interested in being whatever would give him more clout and access to
her information, and he didn't think partner, best friend or
girlfriend would do it. She was all of those things, those labels we
force on relationships, when none of them even came close to
describing what she meant to him. "And?"

"I'm afraid that information can only be shared with the patient. The
doctor may speak with you both afterwards, if you have any other
questions."

For a moment, he debated pushing it, but the staff was already going
out of their way to accommodate them. He'd cashed in quite a few
favors on this one, and he didn't want to press his luck.

The nurse stood at the door and opened it. She had spent years
watching people wait for what could be horrible news, and she
understood how difficult it was. She regarded him with compassion.
"Please," she insisted patiently.

Inside, he and Lily waited in a small room for Scully to come out.
Mulder sat in one of the plastic chairs while Lily played on the
floor. His palms were sweating, his throat had dried up and he
couldn't stop fidgeting; he was a nervous wreck. Lily was playing
quietly with a few of the toys she'd found in a box in the corner of
the room. She had set Bear up in front of some wooden sticks and
wheels. "I'll be the doctor. Like Mommy." She picked up one of the
blue rods. "Got to take a tempa-tur," she said, poking the area where
his mouth was supposed to be. Mulder stared at her as she took two of
the wheels and placed one on her ear and the other on Bear's "heart".
She did not deserve to live her life deprived of the woman she loved
and idolized more than anyone else. He pushed the thought out. He
would not let that particular seed take root, not unless he was forced
to.

He had to concentrate on Scully right now. What the hell was taking so
long? Mulder leaned forward in the chair, locking his hands together
in front of him and resting his forehead against them. He wasn't
praying-- not really. But the words were running through his head
anyway: please, if anyone out there is listening, please let her be
all right. Not for me... all right, yes-- partly for me, but mostly
for someone else, someone who needs her as much as I do, if not more.

"Tired Daddy," Lily commented to Bear. "He gonna sleep right in that
chair!"

Mulder lifted his head to look at her. His diversionary beverage
tactic had worked, and now she seemed to be enthralled enough with her
toys not to notice the tension that was emanating from him like thick
lava. But what if it was a mistake having her there? What if it was
bad news? But it was too late...

Mulder almost sprang to his feet as the door opened and Scully entered
the room. He searched her face carefully as she took a few steps
towards them and stood staring at the floor, silent. She never looked
so young as she did that day, standing there with her hair tucked
behind her ears in rumpled clothes that had seen better days. In those
few seconds, all he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears.

"Mommy!" Lily got up to go to her mother, relieved to see she'd
survived the Big White Tube. She hugged her leg for a moment as Scully
caressed her hair, then wandered back to her toys and Bear who she'd
stranded among them.

Scully lifted her gaze, but only as far as Mulder's chest. She
couldn't look at him, because she knew meeting his eyes would let
loose the tide of emotion she'd welled up. But it was pointless to
try, and after a moment her eyes drifted up and locked with his.

Mulder looked at her, could see her eyes turn liquid and his heart
sank. Uncertainly clouded his features as he stared at her, unable to
ask the question he so desperately needed the answer to.

For months Scully had silently agonized over the possibility she might
be sick again. Now she finally had an answer, and felt an overpowering
need to share it with the only person who could possibly understand
how she was feeling. But as she stood there watching him, she found
she couldn't speak. Instead, she mustered a tremulous smile and
nodded, telling him that she was okay.

The adrenaline surge that had seized him waiting for the news at last
subsided, leaving an odd tingling sensation just underneath his skin.
But he still needed to hear the words. "Okay?"

Again, she nodded. "Okay," she said, and they walked towards each
other. Mulder grasped her arms. Her eyes held his, infinitely strong
and exquisitely vulnerable, the dichotomy of her nature that both
charmed and besotted him. He pulled her into an embrace and gripped
her tightly, the tension at last draining from him with a slow exhale.
"Okay," he repeated, whispering the word into her hair. "Okay..."

*********************************

Margaret Scully was not a betting woman, but she did enjoy her
sweepstakes every now and then. She checked her mail vigilantly every
winter, waiting for the yellow envelope to arrive. Securing her coat
tighter around her, she opened the door and braced herself against the
freezing December wind. She descended the steps and hit the walkway,
mindful of the ice patches along the way. It had been unusually cold
the last few days, and she was looking forward to the return of their
typical, milder mid-Atlantic weather. Her thoughts turned to the
current objective when she saw her mailman approaching, only it wasn't
her usual mailman, but one that was thin and slight with long blonde
hair she couldn't imagine was regulation. Dark-rimmed glassed framed
his face.

She didn't understand until she saw the plain envelope tucked among
her bills, no postage or return address, just her name scrawled across
the front in her daughter's handwriting...

Back inside, Maggie settled onto the footstool near the fire. She was
shivering, at once unable to get warm despite her proximity to the
flames. Her hand was shaking as she unfolded the back flap of the
plain envelope. It had been almost three years since she'd had any
contact with her youngest daughter. The last time they'd spoken had
been a brief telephone conversation where Dana had told her they were
going to be going away and that she didn't know when she'd be able to
contact her again. The noise and traffic in the background had let her
know Dana was calling from a phone booth, but she had no idea where.
So much time had passed since that phone call that she feared her
daughter dead.

She pulled out the letter, staring at it with a sense of unease.
Carefully, she unfolded it and started to read:

"Mom,

I don't know where to begin... I guess it would be best to start with
an apology--I'm sorry for not writing sooner, and for the shock and
surprise this letter will no doubt cause you. I would have contacted
you earlier but I had to make absolutely certain it was safe to do so.
We've arranged a way to maintain more frequent contact; you'll find an
email address at the end of this letter. As you've probably suspected,
we are constantly on the move, but if you send an email to this
address it will eventually find its way to us. For a while, we were
stationary, and Mulder had left to try and fix things. Unfortunately,
he was followed on returning. He was careful, but obviously not
careful enough, and it took almost a year of convincing on my part to
get him to stop beating himself up over it. It's been really hard for
him, Mom, and I don't blame him for anything that's happened. I hope
you won't either. I've made my own choices, and I don't hold anyone
else responsible for the consequences.

But all of that was before my last phone call to you. Now, we're on
the move-- we have been ever since; it just feels safer that way. We
used most of Mulder's inheritance to buy a boat in order to facilitate
our mobility. I know it sounds like pretty rustic living, but it's
actually very nice; we have all the amenities that anyone could need--
Mulder likes to joke that there are more electronic gadgets on our
ship than a space shuttle. We splurged, wanting to make sure there was
everything we would need to be comfortable and to be able to continue
our work.

"I'm sure you're wondering about Lily, and I want to assure you she's
doing fine. She loves visiting the different places we go to; she
seems to have a natural aptitude for languages and during our travels
she's acquired three. She speaks like a native; it's amazing to see.
We've found it's been very useful, and it's also helped her make
friends during our extended stay-overs..."

*************************************

Rubber-toed sneakers creaked along floorboards as the little girl made
her way to the rear of the shop. Lily pulled the strap of her overalls
back up on her shoulder and approached the back counter. She was
missing both front teeth now, and her hair hung down her back in a
long red ponytail.

She pulled some bills from the chest pocket of her overalls. She loved
the foreign money, with its shades of pinks and blues and lavenders,
unlike the boring green stuff back home. But most of it still had old
dead guys on it.

A large man in a sweat-stained shirt manned the shop. The fan in the
corner behind him succeeded only in blowing the hot air around the
room and sending the wisps of remaining hair on his balding head in
disarray. He put down his papers as Lily placed the bills on the
counter and told him what slip they were paying for. It was unusual to
see a little girl by herself at the marina, and the man asked her
where her parents were.

She shrugged at him. "Je pas."

He eyeballed her with annoyance, but took the money she offered. It
didn't really matter to him who she was as long as he got paid.

Lily counted the change as she made her way back to the front of the
store to discover the total fee had been more than they thought. She
would have to tell her Dad.

Outside, Max was waiting for her on the bottom step. He wagged his
tail at the sight of his beloved friend, then followed Lily as she
headed for the docks. Her father was waiting for her back on the boat,
motioning for her to hurry.

"Lily, let's go!" Mulder called from the slip, pulling up the mooring.
He watched as she ran down the dock, her Rotty following behind. She
was kicking a stone as she went, and Max was running around her in a
frenzy to get to it. "Lily!"

Down below, Scully listened to the voices on deck. The little girl's
voice grew louder with the approach of footsteps. "I'm coming! See,
here I am!"


Scully smiled slightly at the sound of legs scrambling on board. A few
minutes later, Max appeared, lumbering over to her to say hello. When
they decided to get the boat, they decided to get Lily a dog, part
replacement for Mittens and part guardian when she couldn't be in
their sight. Of course, watching him now, rolled onto his back with
his tongue lolling out to the side, he wasn't exactly the picture of
ferocity she'd imagined he would be. She smiled inwardly; he was
working out great. Like her kitten, Lily had named her puppy after a
character in one of her books-- this time from the story about where
the wild things were. Scully found her thoughts turning to Mittens,
and the big bear, and all the other little mementos of Lily that were
left scattered throughout the farmhouse in their haste to leave. Then,
she was thinking of their other home. She turned the page and
continued with her letter.

*************************************

"I mentioned to you during our brief phone conversation that there was
a possibility that the implant I have in my neck might have been
malfunctioning, but we can't verify that. We have our theories of
course-- the most likely of which is the possibility that a magnetic
field created by nearby power lines may have effected it. I don't
think we'll ever know for certain. I'm doing well; in fact, we've all
been in perfect health though there isn't a day that goes by where I
don't worry that that will change. I haven't had another nosebleed and
aside from the occasional bouts of homesickness, I've been feeling
great. I don't know. Sometimes I find myself considering the
possibilities of divine intervention and other times I'm convinced it
was just some kind of strange luck. But regardless of how or why, we
do still believe that my chip malfunctioned, though to date it has not
caused a recurrence of my cancer. And it's kept us from being found."

Maggie paused as tears blurred the words on the page. She smiled
weakly through them. It was so like Dana for her letter read like a
field journal, but despite her almost clinical tone, Maggie sensed and
shared her daughter's tremendous relief.

"I know you're wondering about when we'll be home, and the truth is, I
just don't know. At times I feel that we could never settle now; that
what we're fighting against is just too powerful. But I also know that
with each passing year, the greater the distance we're placing between
ourselves and those that want to harm us-- that we're lowering the
risk of either of us being taken again. I know you're probably worried
about Lily. I worry about her too. And I suspect she may live the
better part of her life very much as she is now. I take solace in
knowing she's safe and happy with us, and getting a life education
that no school could ever hope to compare to. And I still am holding
out hope that someday she'll be able to come home, that we all will.
In the meantime, we have been working on a way to arrange for us all
to be together again, however briefly, but we can not consider that
possibility for the near future.

"I hope to hear from you soon. Lily would love to hear from you; she
asks about you. I'm sure she'd love a picture. I've enclosed one here
for you."

Maggie brought a trembling hand to her mouth as she regarded the
photograph. Lily had changed more than she could've imagined, the
three years that had done little but add a few more grays to her head
of hair being a lifetime in childhood. The little girl in the picture
with long red hair and a smile that was conspicuously missing two
front teeth was not the baby girl she remembered. With pride
brightening her eyes, she turned back to finish the letter.

"There was something I didn't tell you on the phone because I didn't
want you to worry, but for reasons I can't get into now we had feared
that Lily might become seriously ill near her fifth birthday. We
didn't expect her to survive if she did. Obviously, she did not get
sick, and we are now convinced she will stay healthy. We have every
reason to believe she will live a long, full life, enjoying the future
we've worked so hard to secure for her, wherever that might take
us..."

***************************************

They sailed for an hour before dropping anchor in Cap Benat, about
half a mile from shore. It was their fourth trip to the south of
France, and this time they'd stayed several months. But it was time to
move on, and they would spend the next several weeks working their way
to their next destination.

Scully put down her paper and went on deck. There wasn't much of a
wind today, and they'd had to use the motor which was fine with her
since it saved them the trouble of having to drop sail. It was a
still, warm day with the promise of autumn already in the late August
air. A beautiful day that shined on in spite of the clouded mood
thinking about home had brought on.

Her eyes drifted down to Mulder. He'd finished with the anchors and
was cranking down the lobster catch. She frowned and went to meet him.

"Mulder..." she was exasperated. "I've told you a thousand times,
don't crank it like that, you could damage the rudder if you go too
quickly." She crouched down next to him, arm to arm as she took over
manning the winch.

Mulder stared at her. He could see she was in a bad mood, and
attempted to pull her out of it. "Are you getting snippy with me?"

"Mulder..." She was not in the mood to teased.

"Because I think you're getting snippy with me."

It was hard not to smile, but she gave her best effort.

He feigned a stern look. "Don't make me hurt you..."

Scully finally turned to look at him, a small smile tugging at the
corner of her mouth. "Sorry."

He smiled back. "I guess now is not a good time to tell you about the
docking fee.."

"The docking fee?"

"Yeah, Lily said it was a little bit more than we figured."

"How much more?" They had used the remainder of Mulder's inheritance
along with their combined savings to deposit into an offshore account
and had been living off the interest. They weren't starving, but they
did need to be frugal.

"Not too bad-- the equivalent of a hundred dollars. I think I
calculated the conversion incorrectly. So it'll mean we have to be a
little more careful this month."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He hesitated before answering, then smiled. "Cause I knew you'd kick
my ass," he joked.

Her lips curled in to a thin smile.

"Anyway I'm telling you now."

"Well," she said, turning her face to his. "I guess we won't be buying
that chateau in the Italian Alps this month," she joked back.

Mulder watched as she finished with the winch and sat down on the
deck. "Here..."

Scully held out her hand to catch her beloved gaudy key chain as
Mulder dropped it into her palm. "Thanks, I'll hang it up on my way
back down."

"Is everything all right, Scully?" he asked, after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

He stared at her. It was obvious she was not herself, that something
was bothering her. He suspected it was the one thing that always made
her feel a little blue: thinking about home. "You've been down there
working on the letter..."

She broke away from his gaze as Lily came up from below. She no longer
had the ever present Bear clutched to her side (that kind of thing was
for "little" girls, Lily had informed them) though her old friend had
earned a coveted spot on her bed.

"Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy."

"Hi sweetie." Scully patted the space beside her. "Come see me."

Lily took a seat beside her, hanging her legs over the stern to mimic
her mother's position.

Scully put an arm around her and pulled her close. "How's your math
going?" Though Lily didn't really have any formal education of any
kind, they did insist she to do some required reading and study
arithmetic with her three Math and Sciences "tutors"...

"Byers says I can have an ickstenshin."

Scully smiled. "You mean an extension?"

"Yeah that's it." She pulled on her bottom lip. "Byers always makes me
do the tough ones."

"He's just keeping you on your toes, Lily."

She didn't look convinced.

"You know what I think?" Scully asked, turning the little girl's face
towards her own. Her eyes were playful. "I think you're just bugged
because he's the only one you can't sucker into playing video games
with you when you're supposed to be working."

"Nooo," Lily protested, but her smile told the truth.

Scully smiled back as she considered the odd trio of men. They were
very lucky to have them, not only for the invaluable help they'd been
during their time away. They'd been wonderful to take on the
responsibility of helping educate Lily. And in a way, they were her
only peers... such as they were.

The little girl turned to look at her suddenly. "Hey wanna hear what I
can sing?" Not waiting for an answer, she took a deep breath and
started, reciting the lyrics more than singing them. "Six o'clock TV
hour don't get caught in foreign tower slash and burn return listen to
yourself churn lock him in uniform and book burning blood letting
every motive escalate automotive incinerate light a candle light a
motive step down step down watch a heel crush crush uh oh this means
no fear cavalier renegade and steer clear a tournament, a tournament,
a tournament of lies--"

Mulder clamped his hands down on her shoulders. "Breathe," he teased,
shaking her gently.

Lily smiled and tried to push him away.

"That was pretty good." Mulder released her. "But how about somethin'
a little more upbeat?"

"Like this? In a courtyard birds were SINGIN'- YOUR- PRAISE."

Scully stared at her, her smile fading. "You remember that song,
Lily?"

She nodded, scraping at a smear of dried mud on the toe of her
sneaker.

Mulder met Scully's eyes over the little girl, and he could see that
they were troubled. Scully had hoped that much of Lily's past would
fade for her, that she would lose many of the painful memories of her
early childhood. But if she was remembering songs they used to listen
during that tumultuous time, then she'd been wrong to think that Lily
could forget. She pulled her gaze from Mulder's and rested an arm
along Lily's shoulders. "Is that a good memory?" she asked softly.

For Lily, that song was long hours of her Daddy walking with her on
sleepless nights. "Yes."

As she watched the little girl, Scully realized suddenly with mild
surprise that as much as there might have been bad memories for her,
Lily had many fond recollections as well-- maybe even enough to
eclipse the unpleasant ones. Time could be kind that way. The corner
of her mouth turned up as she held Lily's eyes, struck again by how
similar they were to her own, and by the contrasting strength and
wisdom behind that bright, youthful face. Scully gave her a gentle
squeeze. "You're an old soul, Lily."

"No Mommy, I'm only seven."

"Yes you are," Scully said with a smile. And that little miracle, she
thought, is something I'm thankful for every single day. After a
moment, her expression sobered once more. Scully took a deep breath
and slowly got to her feet. It was time to close her letter.

****************************************

"I know I'm leaving a lot to be explained, Mom; and I will, in time.
It's too much to put in a single letter. In the meantime, please know
that we are all happy and making the most of our time away, and that
in our own way we are in touch every day.

"I miss you, Mom. And I'm sorry, for everything.


Love,

Dana"

Maggie stared at the letter like a dim phantom come to haunt her.
She'd lost one daughter, and had spent three years believing she'd
lost the other as well. But now, this-- she should have known. Her
youngest daughter was a fighter, a survivor. Dana was alive.


***********************************


***********************************

Scully was up on deck, sitting watching the beach goers on the distant
shore. But her thoughts were far away. Several weeks had passed, and
still no word from home. She had expected it would take some time to
hear back, but the anticipation was killing her...

When she was a kid, she and Melissa had always sneaked downstairs just
a few hours into Christmas morning. They never opened anything, just
wanted to go down for a little preview and to indulge in a few
guessing games. Melissa always woke up first, and part of the deal was
Dana had to wait at the top of the stairs while Melissa went down to
make sure the coast was clear. It always was, and Melissa would wave
for her to come down to see what bounty awaited them.

Waiting for some word from her mother, Scully was ten years old again
and standing at the top of the stairs, with a sense of excitement and
anticipation that bordered on the maniacal. She hoped she would hear
something soon.

************************************

Lily nestled back against the seat ready to start the video, bowl of
popcorn already in her lap. Mulder came in from the back and started
for the stairs. He opened his hand, intending to let his open palm
bump against her cheek as he passed by. "Where's your mother, Spud?"

Her eyes were fixed on the TV as she worked at tuning in the satellite
dish. "Don't know," she said, dodging the fake blow.

Mulder found her in her favorite spot and went to join her. "Hey. I
made some popcorn, we were gonna watch a movie."

She watched as he sat down next to her. "What's on the venue tonight?"

"The five-hundred and seventh showing of Raiders, I think," he said
with a smile. "And for us later, a time-honored horror classic:
Carrie."

"Mulder..." she gave him her patented Reproachful Look. "We have work
to do tonight. We have to go over those files Langley emailed to us."

"The files will still be there in the morning, Scully. Besides, we
could use the break."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "Is that the royal 'we'?"

"All right," he conceded, "I think YOU could use the break."

She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Give me a minute?"

Studying her for a moment, Mulder could see through her untroubled
facade. He put a hand over hers. "Your mother must have received your
letter by now..."

She nodded at her lap.

"It really hasn't been that long, Scully. You'll be hearing from her
soon."

For his efforts he got an unsure smile. "I hope so."

"I know so."

He couldn't possibly, he was just trying to make her feel better. But
she knew he was also doing everything he could to work out some kind
of meeting with her mom. She leaned towards him, nuzzling into his
chest as his arms came around her. She felt all right again. "Don't
ever change, Mulder."

"I'm afraid you're doomed to a life of predictability with me,
Scully," he joked. "Who would've thought life on the run could be so
mundane?"

Scully pulled away to look at him. The truth was, it wasn't that bad
at all. The worst part was being away from her family and the things
that had been familiar to her. But she was with Mulder and Lily, and
they had made a cozy home on their boat. Lily was safe and happy, and
Mulder had lost that haunted look in his eyes. Now, if they were
successful in arranging a meeting with her mother...

"Mulder," she started, staring at him with unsettling eyes, and Mulder
knew what she was trying to say. Somehow, those things were so hard
for them to verbalize. Maybe to say the words would seem like a mere
exercise. Maybe hearing them would make it sound trite. Or maybe it
was just that words could never do justice to the sentiment they
wanted to express. He smiled and let her off the hook. "I know."
Pulling her closer, Mulder kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

It occurred to her then, sitting there watching the sun go down off
the port side of their comfortable seaward dwelling, that no matter
where they were, as long as the three of them were together, they were
home.

End