From: duMais Date: Wed, 08 Sep 1999 16:11:31 -0400 Subject: Okashii, Deshou? Source: direct Title: Okashii, Deshou? (Translation: Strange, Don't You Think?) Author: Toaster Strudel Servo Rating: Eh...well...I'll say PG-13. I'm fourteen, and I'm writing it, but there's some VERY BAD LANGUAGE, words that I probably shouldn't even know. But I know 'em, and I'm using 'em, and that's that. Classification: C, H, R Keywords: XF/James Bond/Jerry Springer Crossover, Humor, Scully/Other Romance, Mulder/Other Romance, Mulder/Krycek Romance, VERY brief Mulder/Scully Romance |-----|---|-|---|-----| Setting: Jerry Springer - Backstage MULDER is standing around, waiting to go on. Suddenly, a rather nervous-looking JERRY rushes up to him. SPRINGER: Mister Muldar- MULDER: Mulder. SPRINGER: Whatever. The show starts in three minutes! Where's your partner? MULDER: I don't know. I told her about this weeks ago. |-----|---|-|---|-----| Meanwhile.... |-----|---|-|---|-----| Setting: 10,000 Feet Above the Studio What looks like a rather large figure jumps out of a plane. As the camera zooms in, however, we can see that it is actually two people, one, a woman wearing a skydiving suit with the US flag emblazoned on the shoulder, the other, a man similarly clad, except that on his shoulder are the letters H.M.S.S. and a British flag. They are making out (why don't they have oxygen masks? I don't know!!! They're giving each other CPR, okay?). One of them pulls the cord, and their parachute opens. The two plummett a bit more slowly towards the television studio far below, still making out. Finally, the two land. The woman rushes off, pulling off the suit, under which is her normal work attire - a gray pantsuit. The man watches her for a few moments. She turns around at the door, and beckons for him to follow. He does so, obviously. |-----|---|-|---|-----| A Few Minutes Later |-----|---|-|---|-----| Setting: Jerry Springer - Backstage We hear SCULLY'S voice, telling someone that it'd only be about ten minutes that they were apart...SPRINGER and MULDER sigh in relief. SPRINGER: Excuse me, there are a few arrangements to be made concerning your partner. MULDER: Gotcha. SPRINGER leaves, and MULDER stands there, twiddling his thumbs. After a few minutes, a guard motions for him to come onstage. As he enters the stage, to much cheering from the female portion audience, MULDER doesn't notice that the guard is still watching him...or, rather, part of him...the part in back just before his legs begin... ~_o SPRINGER: Our first guest today, a Mister Fox Mulder, has brought the woman he works with, Dana Scully, onto the show to tell her ssomething. Fox, before we bring out Miss Scully, would you care to give us a little background information on your relationship? MULDER: Okay. Our relationship has always been centered around aliens and the massive right-wing government conspiracy which is hell-bent on bringing about the downfall of modern American society. It all started when I was twelve, and- SPRINGER: Mister Mulder, as fascinating as this is, we are on a schedule. MULDER: Oops. My bad. Anyway, Scully and I have known each other - in this life, anyway - for nearly seven years. And, a few months ago, I realized that my feelings for her go far beyond the close friendship we have always shared. I...I love her. More than anything or anyone in the world. AUDIENCE: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. SPRINGER: And you've brought her on here today to tell her that? MULDER: Yes. SPRINGER: Well, my bank account thanks you. Anyway, shall we get Scully out here? SPRINGER motions to the guard, who tears his eyes away from Mulder and goes backstage SCULLY, who is seated in one of those soundproof booth-things near the stage, and, though she looks all right otherwise, her hair is rather tousled...as though she were in a windstorm...or falling from a plane... ~_o Anyway, she is led out onto the stage and seated next to Mulder. SPRINGER: Well, Miss Scully, your partner here has something he'd like to tell you. SCULLY turns to MULDER expectantly. He fidgets for a few moments, looking uncomfortable. MULDER: Well, Scully...um...as you know, we've, ah, worked together for several years. Well, a couple of months ago, I realized that I, um...I was in love with someone - you. SCULLY: I...I...Mulder... SCULLY sighs, and releases MULDER'S hand. She looks stricken. SCULLY: Mulder, I came on here to tell you something, too. MULDER: What is it, Scully? SCULLY: Mulder, I thought I *was* in love with you. But...I knew that we would never make each other happy. And then, when you were in the hospital one time, I met someone... someone wonderful... MULDER: What? SPRINGER: Mister Mulder, that someone is here today with your partner. SPRINGER nods to the guard, who is overjoyed. He skips back to another soundproof booth, and leads the man who fell from the sky with Scully out onto the stage. SCULLY immediately runs over to him and kisses him. AUDIENCE: Wooooooooooooooo!!! SCULLY: Mulder, meet my new boyfriend. UNIDENTIFIED GUY: Hello, Agent Mulder. MULDER: Wha...wha...who are you? BRITISH GUY: Bond. James Bond. AUTHOR'S FRIENDS (who are in the audience): WAI!!!!! MULDER wears the puppy-dog face for a few moments, and then Springer speaks again. SPRINGER: Mulder, as it turns out, there's someone here who wants to see you. He says, "Ever since our first kiss, I've been dying to get my *hand* on you." MULDER: o_O WHA...??? SPRINGER: Bring him out! A different guard leads a blushing KRYCEK out, this one looking at him in much the same way the first guard was looking at Mulder...KRYCEK is seated on the other side of MULDER, who tries to scootch as far away as possible, without getting too close to SCULLY and BOND, who are kissing in a manner which indicates that in a few minutes, they will be making out like there's no tomorrow. SPRINGER: Mister Krycek, excuse me for saying so, but don't you think you're taking a bit of a risk? I mean, how do you know that Mister Mulder is bisexual? KRYCEK: I don't, Jerry. I'm just following my heart's lead. AUDIENCE: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. SPRINGER: Um, anyway, what is it about Mister Mulder's personality that you are most attracted to? KRYCEK: Well...his perseverence. Even when everyone at the Bureau thought that he was sompletely insane, he kept pushing his way through the cracks, never giving up on his endless crusade. I've enver met anyone with that quality before...and it was incredibly beautiful. AUDIENCE: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! MULDER wipes a tear from his eye. MULDER: Krycek...I never knew... MULDER places a hand on KRYCEK'S...the two stare into each other's eyes deeply and meaningfully. SPRINGER: Well, that's all the time we have for- ANNOUNCER: NEXT TIME, ON SPRINGER!!! ANNOUNCER: Anime girls who love girls who want to be boys! Don't miss it! |-----|---|-|---|-----| That's done. Hope you liked. Please direct replies to dumais1@starpower.net. And I know that it was screwed up, so don't write if that's all you're gonna say. Flames will be returned using my handy-dandy flamethrower. "It was a long, depressing period of my life, and I was grateful when it was finally over." -Ensign Ro on childhood, "Star Trek - The Next Generation"