From: marsha Taylor <marsha@newsguy.com>
Date: 30 Nov 1998 07:42:30 -0800
Subject: Old Ghosts Epilogue

TITLE: Old Ghosts Epilogue
AUTHOR: Marsha Taylor-Bare & Cheryl De Luca
EMAIL ADDRESS:Cheryld@netcom.ca & Barelyhere@email.msn.com
ARCHIVE:Anywhere is fine as long as our names and addresses remain attached 
SPOILER WARNING:FTF, and fifth season
RATING: R  
CONTENT WARNING: Minor disturbing imagery, and sexual content.  
CLASSIFICATION:  X-file/ MSR  
SUMMARY: Mulder goes off to handle a case on his own and unwittingly puts
his partner and their relationship at risk.

Scully stared at her watch with nervous anticipation, if calling had been scary,
waiting for Mulder to arrive was positively terrifying. He'd called from the
airport to say he was retrieving his bag and that he would be there soon. It was
a thoughtful gesture, but it had only served to make her even more restless.
Standing, Scully moved back into her room and grabbed a light knit sweater. All
the sitting around in her room was making her feel more than a little confined.
She had to get out, needed to be in the open for a little while. Snatching her
door key off the desk, she quietly slipped out of her room and headed down the
hall.
Entering the lobby Dana regarded the small sitting area off to the right. A
small cluster of floral covered chairs and couches had been placed there in such
a way that they welcomed conversation. During the convention it had
almost always been cluttered with Doctors discussing one thing or another. Often
times the conversation had gotten quite rowdy and more than a little animated,
but tonight it was empty. It was almost midnight many of the hotels residents
had retired for the evening, with only the small piano bar showing any sign of
life. Moving over to the front desk she smiled at the young man sitting behind a
computer.

"A.. .." She didn't know what to call Mulder. Partner? Possible lover?
Boyfriend? Companion? Confident? On some level he was all of those things to
her, and on other levels not at all. " A friend is coming into town this evening
and he should be arriving anytime, would you mind letting him know I'm just out
back on the beach?"
She handed him her hotel key and waved as he went back to the computer.  
Feeling very much like a caged animal, she made her way through the pool area
and out onto the back lawn. She really needed to feel the vastness of the galaxy
gazing down on her tonight. Somehow, the extensiveness of the
stars and space, and the seeming smallness and insignificance of one individual
made it easier to put everything in perspective.
A light breeze drifted in off the night-shadowed ocean causing her to shiver
through the thin blue silk of her summer dress.  Slipping on the sweater she
carried, she moved towards the water. The rush of the waves, and the distinctive
smell of the salt sea air dazzled her senses.  Dana knew exactly what had drawn
her father to the water, and why he'd spent his entire life dedicated to it. It
was the same thing that called to her. The untamed beauty of it, combined with
the freedom and the power it represented was almost magnetic.
Her shoes were quickly abandoned at the side of the small wooden walkway, for
the simple feel of the cool grainy sand underneath her toes. Scooping up a
handful she let slip from her fingers slowly, and watched silently as
its small crystals caught in the bright moonlight.
Overhead the stars blanketed the rich inky velvet of the evening sky. It was
almost breathtaking. Making her way down to the water, she dipped her toes in.
Its cold heightening her senses. The thick foam of the dying waves coated her
feet and left bubble tracks along the shore.  There was an odd assortment of
shells and other small treasures offered up from the ocean's depths spread out
across the muddied beach. By morning they would be
long gone. Either pulled back out to sea or picked up by the people employed to
keep the beach clean in the early hours of the morning.
Bending over she picked up a small star fish that had washed ashore. It was
still alive it's coralled limbs still soft and pliable. It was beautiful, a
small piece of heaven that had fallen from the sky. At least that was what she
had always thought as a child, when they were little she
and Melissa used to collect them and paint them for mobiles.  Now she was just
content to return it back to where it had come from. Stepping a few feet further
into the water she threw it as far out as possible, hoping
it wouldn't find it's way back onto the beach.
"Ever the Doctor..." Scully jumped, momentarily startled by the intrusion into
her thoughts.
"Jesus, Mulder..." She turned around to face her partner. A ribbon of excitement
trailed by fear flitting through her. Out of habit more than necessity she
tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and kicked slightly at the water.
"Rescued a starfish." She pointed awkwardly over her shoulder, and then wrapped
her arms around herself almost protectively.
"I know." Mulder nodded and simply stared at the enigma that was Dana Scully.
"You always do that..." He reached his hand out to her and waited.  He was not
necessarily expecting her to take it, but rather simply curious to see what her
reaction would be.  To his surprise she moved out of the swirling waters and
placed her hand in his.
"Do what Mulder? Rescue Starfish?" She asked curiously, her feet falling into
step with his as they began to move along the beach.
Mulder enmeshed his fingers with hers, and reveled in the simple feeling of her
skin against his. "You always show such compassion to other things, people, even
animals, but you tend to neglect the one person who needs it most."
	"And that would be who, Mulder? Yourself?" 
A light laugh escaped her partner's lips. "Hardly. In fact I think I'm one of
the people you show the greatest compassion to, despite all my flaws."
"How? By religiously trashing your work?" Scully gazed at the soft mud under her
feet, paying it great attention as moved beneath the weight of her footsteps.
For the first time she noticed that Mulder too was barefoot
beneath his rolled up jeans. 
He stopped and turned to her. "In everything I do Scully, whether you've
believed in it or not, you've supported me and stood by me. You've rescued me
from my self many times, yet you allow the most important person you know to
suffer and at times starve from pure neglect.
Scully shook her head not understanding, or perhaps denying Mulder didn't know
which. His free hand came up to cup her chin and steadily her movements. He
forced her to look at him the fear in her eyes quickly scrambling to take up
refuge behind the sheer blue of their depths. "You
put yourself through so much yet you dust yourself off and with a quick 'I'm
fine' try to convince everybody and yourself that you're beyond whatever has
happened to."
Dana broke the stare first by closing her eyes against her own tears. Memories
of Fall's molestation lashed at her. The nightmares had subsided somewhat but
there were times she still felt unclean. Quashing the thought she focused on his
words. She'd known whom he had meant. She'd felt it herself many times on the
dark lonely nights alone in her apartment when she'd cried herself to sleep out
of pure frustration. The little voice that
bore her subconscious had been getting considerably louder for sometime. She
fought back the emotion and the desire just to ask Mulder to hold her and turned
away to look at the water.
"See you're doing it now, Dana." he stepped in front of her blocking her view.
"You're hurting but you won't allow yourself to be comforted. "
	She shook her head again and started to walk. "It's not that easy, Mulder."
He followed her. "But see that's what I don't understand. It should be, at least
between us. We've been through so much together. We trust each other. We know
each other so well."
"Yet we still don't truly know each other do we?" The pain in her voice was
evident, and it hurt to know he had caused it.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. About Haley." His voice was laced with regret and
remorse.
Scully dropped her eyes to her feet, pretending to watch her steps as she made
her way up onto a small pier. "No, Mulder that's not it." She turned around and
looked at him for a moment before continuing. "I know your shoe size and where
you went to school and what you look like underneath your clothes, but all of
that is superficial.  The bartender at the local bar probably knows about as
much as I do.." She made her way carefully along the thick aged planking and
took a seat at the end, her feet dangling over into the water. "You've rarely
openly shared anything about yourself with me.. You know the things real friends
talk about - like School days and best friends and the stupid things you did
when you were younger. I know none of that
about you, and the same could be said of you about me."
Mulder took a seat beside her, and stared out at the full moon casting it's
ambient light across the water. "You want to know the stupidest thing I ever
did?"
	Scully nodded mutely her toes tracing mini circles in the water. 
"You mean aside from last Sunday afternoon? And my marriage to Haley? And
relationship with Phoebe?"
"Those aren't stupid things. Those are life experiences, Mulder."  Scully looked
at her partner's pensive reflection spread out across the water.  "How
can you think a marriage and love to be something stupid?" Extending a hand she
wet her fingers and flicked her partner in the face.
Mulder gaped at her dumbfounded, his surprise more at her actions that her
words.  "It's not the act itself, Scully. Just the situation that was senseless,
a waste." He wiped at the water dripping from his nose.
"Better to have loved and lost that never to have loved at all..." She flicked
him again.
"Humph.." The sarcasm in his voice was more than a little evident. "I think the
not at all would have been better in Phoebe's case... At least Haley taught me
something." Licking the salt water from his lips he dipped his fingers in the
water and flicked her back.
	"What?" Scully grinned slightly and rubbed at her own face.
"She taught me a new kind of pain." He fingered the loose splinters of the deck
beneath him, pulling absently to break them free.
"Isn't that what Phoebe taught you?" She reached up and brushed at a trickle of
water running down Mulder's cheek. She couldn't be sure if it was a tear or the
residue of her playfulness.
"Some, but mostly she taught me betrayal." Finally freeing the narrow piece off
wood from it's confines. He twisted it between his fingers stabbing at the deck
with it. "You want happy memories, Scully? The secret pieces of my life that I
haven't shared with you? The humorous and
sometimes embarrassing stories most people carry with them from their
childhood... but I have none to share with you. And it's not because I don't
want to. It's because I honestly don't have any."
Scully didn't say anything and waited for him to go on her feet still tracing
small circles in the water. The ripples she was creating broke up the
uncomfortable reflection her partner was casting on the water. He was
such a private and often closed person that opening up was equally as difficult
for him as needing was for her.
"You know as a child I was a lot like I am as an adult, Scully. Life at home was
always more than a little tense, which is why I bolted the minute I had a
chance, and have pretty much stayed away." He broke his little wooden dagger in
half and threw it disdainfully into the water. His fingers immediately digging
at the planking for another. "When I had friends they were odd balls,
girlfriends were scarce, and  I have the honor of being
the source of all those colorful anticdotes my peers managed to bring with them
into their own adulthood. Does this not all sound familiar?" He asked his eyes
seeking out her half obscured expression. She wasn't looking at him, her eyes
instead had chosen to seek out another source of interest, anything other than
his face. He hadn't wanted to sound pitiful. He'd moved beyond that point long
ago. He was just relating the facts.
	Scully acquiesced, and reached out and stopped his fiddling hands.
Slipping his fingers through hers, he squeezed her hand slightly. "You grew up
in acceptance Scully. You had a great family, terrific parents who loved each
other. Friends who cared about you, all the stuff that makes a
good healthy childhood.  It's only natural that you expect that from me."
"It wasn't always happy at home. My parents fought too, Mulder." Her comment
sounded lame even to her own ears. She had known that early life had not been
easy for her partner, but the verbal confirmation of it angered her.
Mulder shook his head. "See that's just it Scully.  My parents rarely fought,
they just never talked. There was always this insurmountable tension in the
house and when they did fight it was only because it had reached an intolerable
point." His free hand came up and drew her hair away from her face so he could
see her expression.
	She looked at him. "It must have been hard.."
Mulder shook his head again. "It's like your predilection for strength, and
scorn of  weakness, Scully. I grew up knowing only weakness, as you did
strength, so I accept it as normal. Our experiences were the opposite. My
telling of my life, my sharing this with you hasn't added to your depth of
knowledge as to who I am." He smiled, almost laughed. "It's just damn
depressing, but your life your experiences do add dimension to your
personality."
	A quirky smile lit up her face. "Not necessarily good dimensions though.."
"So Agent Scully what was the stupidest thing you ever did?" He asked trying to
lighten the conversation.
Pulling her feet up onto the deck Scully pulled her loose skirt over her knees
and hugged them. "I think that would be the time I died my hair green when I was
15..."
"Green??" Mulder tried to envision his fairly straight laced partner with a
crown of green hair.
	"Oh yeah, " She giggled. "Lime green. I even spiked it." 
	"Why??"
She smiled and hid her face in her knees. "What motivates anyone at that age
Mulder?
	He shrugged..
Lifting her head up she turned her head to face at him. He was staring at her a
mixture of amusement and amazement in his eyes. "There was this guy from
England, a cousin of a friend. He came to stay at the base. He was a
lot older. I think he was 20." She dipped her finger in the water and began
drawing wet circles on the dock. Her nervousness was more than a little evident.
"Anyway, he was into the punk scene, and I developed a major crush on him. But
he used to call me little girl all the time so to be cool I dyed my hair green. 
My dad flipped. He was going to lock me up in the bedroom for the whole summer
but my mom talked him down. She figured I was just going through this rebellious
stage and that I would grow out of it."
"And you did.." he commented, still trying to visualize the scenario his partner
had painted.
Scully nodded. "Yeah well after...." She flushed biting back her final comment. 
"Well yeah..."
	"After what??" Mulder asked his curiosity now peaked.
	"Nothing.." Scully replied more than a little embarrassed.
"Come on, Scully, what happened to honesty? Sharing? Getting to know each
other?" he dipped his hand in the water and flicked her.
"This is something you don't need to know Mulder." She rose from her seat at the
end of the dock and moved towards the shore, hoping some distance would end this
part of the conversation.
"Tell me.. " Mulder grinned moved in front of her, doing his best to prevent her
from leaving.
Scully stared at him determination written all over her face. "Get out of my way
Mulder.." She pushed him not meaning to do anything other than get past him. But
he lost his balance and grabbed for her. Her shriek was the last thing heard
before the two of them hit the tepid water.
Mulder surfaced first his toes barely touching the bottom. He reached for his
partner the minute she bobbed up, and grabbed her around the wrists.
Grinning evilly he waited while sputtered and tried to shake her wet hair out of
her face.
"I'm okay you can let go..." She tried to shake him off, but he had a firm grip
on her wrists.  It took a moment before she realized that he wasn't trying to
help her, he was holding her prisoner. She stopped flailing and
stared at him her brilliant blue eyes piercing his own hazel ones. "Seriously
Mulder..."
He just continued to grin, so she kicked at him with little or no effect. The
water slowed the force of it and the fact that she had no leverage didn't help
matters much. She made contact with his knee but he just smiled, and then he
dunked her. She came up sputtering and spitting the
thick salt water from her mouth. "You're so puerile." she yelled angrily at him.
	"And you're so short."  He laughed. 
"Dammit Mulder.." She wrestled him some more before finally giving up. Her
breaths coming in rasps.
"Give?" It was a simple question, but its affirmation would mean a loss in their
battle of wills. Scully nodded anyway.
"So tell me..." Mulder asked, and mistakenly loosened his grip on her wrists. In
a flash she was free and making her way towards shore.
He let out a soft "OOF" as her foot made contact with his stomach. It knocked
the air out of him slightly, but not enough to fully disable him.  Within
seconds she was back in his grasp. His hand gripped firmly around one ankle.
Slowly he reeled her in this time pulling her up against him so that her back
was to him. He gripped her around her slim waist, and pressed her into him.
The warmth of her body was electric. His sodden shirt and her blue dress, now
reduced to little more than a filmy sheath, provided no barrier between them.
Mulder reveled in her heat his body reacting of it's own accord.
She'd stopped struggling, and relaxed back into him. Her head coming to rest on
his shoulder. He brought his mouth up along side her ear "Scully?"
He murmured. His voice almost a caress.
	She nodded. 
"I'm sorry.. I need to know.." His lips brushed against the cool skin of her
throat. This was a question he had struggled with since the night she'd killed
Falls.  The time for frivolity had passed and the moment had become
surprisingly intimate.
"I lost my virginity that summer, Mulder that's all." She looked down into the
darkened water.
"No." Mulder shook his head. "That's not what I was going to ask." A thick wiry
knot of dread formed in his stomach. "What I need to know what Fall's did to
you.."
The statement hung like dead air between them for a moment before her voice
fractured the quiet of the gently lapping water.
"He....." Her words were fraught with trepidation. She didn't want to tell him
this because it would only hurt him. But she needed to share it with someone,
and she didn't want it to be anyone other than him. "He molested
me Mulder. It wasn't much. He touched me, mostly he just played with himself." 
His body became rigid with anger. A hoarse "Fuck!" issuing forth from between
his lips. He let her go.
Scully swam toward shore, making for sure footing. She stopped when she finally
felt the soft liquid sand between her toes and noticed that he wasn't following
her.  Turning she caught sight of him staring off into the
night's obscurity.  
"Mulder.." she called to him but he didn't respond. 
She swam back out but kept her distance unsure of how he was feeling. Half
afraid that he would be repulsed by her violation, she called to him again, and
waited for some sort of indication of what was going through his head.
She had had time to deal with it. 
He remained silent his attention seemingly caught by the night sky. She moved
closer to him. "Hey." She reached for him hoping that he wouldn't pull away. Her
fingers caught him by the shoulder. When he didn't withdraw,
she put her arms around him much like he had been holding her, and leaned her
head up against his. "I'm okay Mulder."
"Jesus, Scully.." He turned to face her fresh tears on his face. "I'm always
hurting you in some way." The vision of Whiley Cayote popped into his head. It
felt very much like someone had just dropped a two-ton anvil on him. How could
she say she was okay?
"That's not true. This time you had nothing to do with it." She put her hand on
either side of his face, coercing him into looking at her.
He shook his head. "How can you say that? I had everything to do with it. I lead
him to you. This man's obsession with me brought him to you."
"Agent Mulder, you will do anything to accept blame for something. I'm beginning
to think that you're a GUILT junkie." She felt like whacking him upside the
head. "You told me to stay away, remember? I was the one who showed up on your
doorstep. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have been there if it wasn't for
Danny screwing up the package delivery instructions.."
	"Think he'd understand if I walked up and shot him in the knees then?"
Scully grinned. "Shit happens, Mulder. It's fate, karma, destiny or whatever..
It isn't always about you."
"Oh Scully, I love it when you talk cosmic." A quirky smile appeared on his
face, and he playfully grabbed her arm and stretched it out Morticia style. He
began at her wrist, his lips running a sensual path of kisses up to her
shoulder.
She was smiling, and laughing, his touch warming her despite the cool water.
There were butterflies dancing in her stomach by the time he stopped.
He stared at her in the moonlight and smiled back. Despite the Ocean slicked
hair and her drowned rat appearance, she was beautiful. Her face though half
obscured by shadows, was clearly open and readable. She wanted this as much as
he did. Now was the time was the time finish what they'd started in the hallway.
Anchoring her with one arm around her waist, he pulled he close and pressed his
lips to hers.  Their hearts agreed whatever touched them in the future would be
bearable as long as they stayed together.

The End..

Thanks for reading.

Marsha and Cheryl