From: msrxfiles@aol.com (MSR XFiles) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: REPOST(again!)-One Breath Away Date: 27 Jan 1996 17:37:26 -0500 I can't seem to get this to post from my school account, so I'm posting if from AOL. Please send all comments to me at dettiot@udel.edu. Thanks, and sorry if this is clogging up your server yet again. Let me know if this posts okay-I've never done this from AOL. Okay, I know that this may seem a little out of date, but I was re-watching One Breath this weekend and got an idea-what was Melissa thinking before and during Scully's return? With that, the story was easy to do. There is a bit of angst on both Mulder and Scully's ends, and a little discussion of the nice warm fuzzy feelings between the two of them. Thanks go to Amy for reading this and helping me with the ending and the conversations from One Breath, since I had forgotten my tape. Technical note: the // are to indicate conversations that take place between Melissa and Dana mentally. Hope you all enjoy it-comments can be sent to dettiot@udel.edu. Disclaimer: Taking a page from my friend Jessica's book, if Mulder and Scully were mine, they'd be married, Cancerman would be coughing up a lung somewhere, and I'd be rich. So take this as a sign that Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, the sadly-departed Melissa Scully, the X-Files, and everything else belongs to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. No copyright infringement is intended. One Breath Away By Melissa(dettiot@udel.edu) Melissa grimaced a little. All day, she had felt a small, nagging pain on the back of her mind-not too different from the same one she had felt for the last three months. Ever since Dana had disappeared . . . She shook her head and went back to cataloging the new order of incense that had just arrived. The small shop, tucked in the corner of a slightly rundown shopping center, was quiet today. Few customers had come by, giving her a chance to work on restocking the shelves before the beginning of the Christmas season. Lately, whenever she had thought about Christmas, she had ignored the little ache. True, she hadn't visited the family at Christmas for years, but without fail, every year she had called Dana, and they would talk, sometimes for hours. As her thoughts drifted through old memories, Melissa suddenly bent over, a screeching pain tearing through her head. The pain was intense, ripping through her brain cells. Her arm swept the incense off the counter, breaking some of the containers. Even as the sweet, heavy smell wafted to her nose, her only conscious thought was "Dana's back . . . but something's wrong . . . " She had never questioned the voice before, and she wouldn't now. If it felt like Dana was in trouble, she was going to find her. Feeling the wave pass, she stood, before grabbing her favorite crystal and her purse, and moving towards the door. **** As she crossed the hospital parking lot, Melissa could hear her boot heels click out a quick, staccato rhythm. She had thought she would go crazy during the four hour drive from southern New York. She had nearly broken the speed limit, pushing her old Toyota to the edge. In fact, as she had shut off the ignition, she could feel the car shudder, like something dying . . . . Pushing aside the thought, she walked through the main doors and looked around for the main desk. Even before the plump nurse told her that Dana was in intensive care on floor six, she knew. She could feel a trickling stream of thoughts, like a marker, pulling her towards her sister. It was strange-Dana had never, consciously or unconsciously, communicated with her. Of course, Melissa had always been able to read her, but Dana would never volunteer, never attempt anything. Not since they were children had Dana been this open. Melissa moved through the halls, feeling slightly dizzy. The pull of Dana's thoughts were almost enough to overwhelm her. The intensity was crushing her, the pain causing the anguish to bubble up in her soul. Dana was lost, confused, in pain, searching for reason and fact. She was unable to find any. As she walked into the large ward, she could see her sister's bed immediately. As she caught sight of her sister, Melissa released a small gasp, stopping in surprise. Dana looked so quiet . . . like she was waiting for death to take her away with a minimum of fuss. There were so many wires and tubes, preventing death from coming. Her eyes were taped shut, but Melissa could still see the slight wrinkles from Dana clenching her eyelids shut. And looking at her sister, feeling her thoughts, seeing what she saw, Melissa couldn't help wondering if Dana was right for waiting for death. her mind warned. With this firmly in mind, Melissa crossed to her sister's bed. Pulling her crystal out of her pocket, she dropped her purse on the floor and held the crystal aloft over her sister. Melissa concentrated deeply, closed her eyes . . . . and soon an image came to her. //Dana was dressed in black, sitting in a small rowboat. A length of rope connecting the boat to the dock looked slightly frayed, as if the small waves in the lake were pushing the boat away and damaging the cord. Melissa could see that she was standing on the end of the small wooden dock. Smiling a little, she spoke to her sister. "Hello, Dana. You're looking good." "As usual, Melissa, you're blind."// At the sound of her sister's words in her head, Melissa felt a small ripple of delight going through her. It was wonderful to hear Dana this way, for the first time. After all the years of skepticism, the walls in Dana's mind seemed to have crumbled enough to allow this contact. Or maybe they hadn't crumbled, but had been forced down. Promising herself that she would come back to that thought, Melissa continued, the crystal magnifying her skills. //"Dana, what are you feeling? "Melissa, I'm tired." The slight petulance was unmistakenable in Dana's voice. "I want to stay here, where it's so peaceful. I haven't felt anything like this for years." "But Dana, it's not the right sort of peace." Melissa could hear Dana laugh sarcastically. "Quiet is quiet, peace is peace, Melissa. I'm willing to take the wrong kind to keep this feeling." Melissa could hear Dana's voice drop an octave. "Melissa, there isn't much reason for me to come back. And I feel good here."// At the sound of her words, Melissa realized that a darkness that matched her clothes had settled over Dana's soul. For some reason, the light that had always been in Dana's soul was now fading. Dana felt unneeded. Melissa frowned. Even when they were teenagers, and Dana had suffered from having a popular though wacky older sister, Melissa had never seen Dana so pale and quiet. //"Dana, why do you feel unneeded?" Melissa could see Dana sitting up straighter in the small boat, staring at her. "Melissa, I've seen so much in the last year and a half-and I couldn't find any answers for anything!! Nothing scientific to support the cases. Only lights in the sky." "Dana, sometimes the search *is* the answer. Do you think that science is an immediate process? Even I know that sometimes, it took years to find the right medicine, the right combination of elements. Science is a search for the answers as well." Melissa could see Dana sigh. "I know, Melissa. But it would be so nice to have faith that you would find the answers . . . like Mulder does. He knows that eventually, he's going to find the truth. And I'm left doubting science, after what we've seen. I doubt myself."// As Dana uttered the last sentence, Melissa could feel someone come up behind her. Ignoring the person for a moment, she mentally asked Dana, "Who is this? //Feeling Dana grin a little was a surprise. "It's Mulder. Don't call him Fox."// Deciding to not question, she turned towards the man standing beside her, still caught up in Dana's thoughts. "I've been told not to call you Fox." As she opened her eyes, she could see a tall man, jaw shadowed by stubble and eyes that didn't quite hide a great sadness. After her remark, she could see the surprise flit across his face. "By who?" His voice was rough, sounding like he hadn't used for a long time. Melissa smiled a little. "Dana. Just now." "Dana talked to you just now? If she talked, the EEG would have moved." Mulder waved his hand towards the machinery that was keeping Dana alive. "Her soul is here." Before Mulder had a chance to answer, Melissa saw another person walking towards the bed. With surprise, she realized who it was, but managed to keep her voice calm, yet affectionate. "Hi, Mom." At Melissa's simple sentence, Mulder looked startled. Looking from Maggie to Melissa, he said, "You're Scully's sister?" Melissa nodded slightly, and then raised her hands over Dana's small figure, letting them rest palms down about a foot above the bed. She read Dana's thoughts, trying to figure out what went on between these two. "Dana's choosing whether . . . whether to remain or move on." Seeing Mulder's confusion and awkwardness, she pulled one of his hands up and made it mirror her own. "You can feel her. Here." As she moved her own hand back over Dana, she could feel Mulder stretch his hand over Dana. Yet . . . Melissa frowned. Dana had told her that Mulder was a believer, but he seemed so closed off at the moment. She didn't know why, but it made her wonder. "She's not here." At Mulder's statement, she almost opened her eyes in surprise. The emotions were fairly streaming out of Dana. Apparently, something was bothering Mulder too much to feel them. While keeping a link with Dana, Melissa reached out and did a quick, unnoticeable reading on Mulder. Getting a result, she quickly came up with an answer. "No, your anger, your fear's blocking any positive emotions she needs to feel." As soon as she said it, Melissa knew it was the wrong answer. Mulder wouldn't react well to any mention of his emotions. As she expected, he pulled his hand away. "I need to do more than wave my hands in the air." With that, he turned and left. Melissa stared at his retreating figure. She thought it was disturbing for him to hide such great pain inside, instead of sharing it with someone who would help to ease the sorrow. She was pretty sure that Dana felt the same way towards him; eager not to burden him with "unnecessary" emotions or ties. They didn't realize that those ties already existed, had been created as gradually as a mosaic, with small pieces combining to form a beautiful expression of themselves. Melissa was distracted from her thoughts by Dana. //"Melissa, what are you doing?"// Melissa refocused on Dana, trying to hide her concern. //"What do you mean, Dana?" "I mean, why are you so worried about Mulder? He's okay, isn't he?"// Melissa could hear a small trace of fear tinge Dana's voice. she thought. It was so obvious that something was going on between them, even if it wasn't expressed or even realized. It was hard to let it drop; to say nothing when Dana was so close to the edge, and was ready to go off the edge without knowing. But if Dana was dying, she deserved to go with peace, the peace that she was already enjoying. After everything that had happened between the two sisters, Melissa was not going to cheat Dana out of her tranquility. Even if it meant that Dana didn't realize that Mulder was ready to die, too. //"Yeah, he's fine, Dana."// Melissa thought as she watched her sister breathe. **** Melissa sat down wearily on the edge of Dana's bed. She felt emptied of all her strength: all her courage and energy and hope were draining away in small streams through her fingers and toes. The respirator had been turned off, the tubes and wires were noticeably absent. Now, it was only a matter of waiting. She could still feel Dana's thoughts, but they had become weaker despite her characteristic intensity. Too tired to cry, Melissa pulled out her crystal for her last conversation with her sister. //"Dana, I know I won't have long-I just wanted to say that having you for my sister has been one of the most special gifts I've ever received. I got the best part of the gift-so many problems came to you because I was your sister. I wish it hadn't happened like that, but you're strong. You were able to make it. I wish that you were strong enough now, but it's okay. I love you, sis."// Dropping her head, Melissa could only think of all the times that Dana, so little and frail-looking, had proven to be strong as steel. Suddenly, she felt a tug on the edge of her consciousness: in surprise, she realized it was Dana. //"Dana, what is it?" "Um, Melissa . . . I never thought I'd do this, but I wanted to talk to you." Her voice sounded weak and breathy. "Melissa, you were a great big sister. All the little things you did made up for the big problems. I love you a lot. I wish we could have had more good times . . . . but just having you around, talking to you on the phone, were great. I'm sorry that I'm leaving."// Once again, Melissa let her head fall forward. She was shocked that Dana had opened up to her; more than anything, her acceptance had been a wonderful event. Dana had defied science in order to make her feel better, to tell her the truth. And sadly, Melissa realized that Dana needed to know the truth as well. It would hurt so much . . . but Dana deserved to know. She was dying. //"Um, Dana . . . I never thought I'd say this to you. I didn't want you to stay on the respirator. I thought that when something like this happens, it's a sign that although life is unfair, there is a reason for everything. I thought that reason was for you to leave. But I know . . . . I feel that you can't go." "Why, Melissa?" Dana's voice sounded even weaker than it had the moment before. Melissa swallowed hard. How could she tell her? "Dana, Mulder needs you." "No he doesn't." "He does, Dana. Haven't you realized that he's in love with you? Can't you see it when he looks at you, hear it when he talks to you? He's dying too." As Melissa finished, she crossed her fingers that Dana wouldn't be too mad at her. But no reply came from Dana; no reaction. Fear swept over Melissa as she understood that Dana was too tired to even reply. She could do nothing more-it was up to Dana now. Melissa thought. **** As she knocked on the door of apartment 42, she could barely contain the butterflies in her stomach. It was hard for her; to try and convince this man she barely knew that her sister loved him and he loved her, without actually telling him that. But Dana needed him, as much as he needed her. The door was pulled open abruptly, and Mulder pulled her inside. Looking around, she could hardly see anything: the apartment was hardly lit, the shadows heightening the gloom. And looking at Mulder, she could see that the apartment was not nearly as dark as his soul. Not knowing how to begin, she asked, "Why is it so dark in here?" With a shrug, Mulder replied, "Because the lights aren't on." Melissa was ready to comment on the obviousness of his statement, when she realized that subconsciously, it meant more than a simple matter of electricity. But she was running out of time. She pushed aside the thought for later. She shook her head slightly. "Okay . . . I just came from the hospital. Dr. Daly says . . . she's weakening. It could be anytime. So I figured you'd want to come down and see her." "Well, I can't." At his statement, she couldn't prevent her surprise. He stood there in the dark, looking like crap, his eyes bloodshot and red. He looked thin and tired and beaten. But he wasn't going to see Dana? Her answer was hanging in the air before she realized she'd said it. "Well, I'd think that you would." Mulder shook his head, avoiding her eyes. When he spoke, he sounded like he was distracted, edgy. "Yeah, I *would*. I can't. Not right now." Suddenly, Melissa felt her anger begin boiling. He obviously cared for Dana, he was practically wasted away, yet he wasn't going to see her before she died? The words fell out of her mouth. "Listen, I don't have to be psychic to see that you're in a very dark place. Much darker than where my sister is. Willingly walking deeper into darkness cannot help her at all. Only the light-" At her last words, Mulder made a quick motion designed to make her stop speaking. "Oh, *enough* with the harmonic convergence crap! Okay? You're not *saying* anything to me!" Melissa could hear the anger, barely restrained, in his voice. Whatever was going on was beyond his control, appearantly. But she still couldn't stop herself from continuing, from making him understand the enormity of his decision. "Why don't you just drop your cynicism and your paranoia and your defeat! You know, just because it's positive and good doesn't make it silly or trite. Why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel?" He looked up quickly at this, and she could barely see the outright fear in his eyes. She made herself finish. "I expect more from you. Dana expects more!" Moving towards the door, she stopped and turned back around, looking squarely at Mulder. "Even if it doesn't bring her back, at least she'll know. And so will you." With that, she left the apartment. As she stood outside the apartment, she sucked in a few lungfuls of air. Dana was not far from the end tonight. Without the respirator, every minute could be her last. She couldn't have let Mulder miss them. If Dana was one breath from the edge, so was Mulder. On a line between love and death. End. For the rest-you know how it ends.