From: Kristy <snowmulder@aol.comnospam>
Date: 13 Feb 2000 08:06:54 GMT
Subject: NEW! "One Life Lost" MSR...

Title: "One Life Lost"
Author: Snowy
Rating: R
Summary: It takes place during "Suz..."right after Scully tells Mulder that his
mother did in fact kill herself. It's not only about M&S, but Mulder himself
letting go, and finally learning that he doesn't need to search anymore, which
is a struggle for all humans, I believe.
Author's Note: This is really something I felt I had to write, and I really
hope my return to the XF realm does not go unnoticed.
Feedback: Please send all clones and candles to JediSnowy@Unbounded.com
Dedication: This lovely piece of fiction goes to my best friend Eiluned who is
constantly encouraging me to write, and to Arcadian42 who's curiosity never
ceases to amaze me. To both, a sincere "Thank Ye" :)

"One Life Lost"	

"She wanted to take your pain away..."

Mulder fell back into his chair, emotionally empowered by the pain that had
been underlying in his soul for what seemed a life time. He couldn't let his
mind release what Scully was saying. His mother, dead. Not by murder, or even
age. She had taken her own life....whether to hide something or relieve Mulder
of his angstful search for an invisible truth that always seemed to be the
source of endless frustration.

"No...she was.."his lips could only released mumbled versions of what his mind
was running full of words that not even he could explain.

Scully kneeled before him, wanting to console her partner, but he was forcing
up his wall again, to keep her out of his pain, as if the barrier was a real
force of protection. She felt his aching with every sigh, every tear that ran
streaming down his tired cheek. Slowly, she reached out her hand to touch his
forearm, which was covering his grief-stricken face. 

"Mulder..."

With one touch, he suddenly realized how empty he had made her feel, just as he
had been. With his very own distancing from her, and their closeness, he felt
ashamed for not letting her in, but how could he? She hadn't been there with
him, she had never known his sister, never seen the truth at arm's length only
to have it disappear, leaving him empty again. Samantha had been more than a
sister to him. She had been a link to the other past demons, and now, what was
he to think. Was she dead....or was his mother in her own sick way trying to
tell him to give up in her suicide? Opening his eyes, he let himself be
revealed to his partner, waiting with open arms to share his agony. Collapsing
into her chest, he began to release all his doubt, his fear, his pain unto the
only person he had left. Onto her he poured his years of endless searching that
had left him empty handed, and with his touch, he reassured her that she would
remain his only source of life.

"I'm so sorry...."she whispered into his ear, brushing the hair away from his
face.

The damp skin on his cheek felt like a baptism, and she sighed, laying her head
onto the back of his neck. Running her hand down his back, she calmed his
breathing and cradled him in her arms. He slowly moved his head up to look her
in the face, where even her eyes were now filled with tears. Lingering in their
embrace, Mulder ran his fingers up to her mouth, and softly traced them. 

"I...."he struggled for the vocal gratefulness he felt.

"Mulder...no....you are only human. No man can go through all you have, and
come out completely satisfied. I know you wanted answers, but sometimes life
doesn't lead you to them. All these quests and truths you are looking for may
not be for you to find. In any case, please believe me that I know what it's
like to lose a sibling to the unknown fates....you are and never shall be
alone. Do you know that? Have....have you...ever fully realized that?"

Mulder moved his hands down to hers, picked them up, and moved them over his
eyes, covering them.

"What am I? Hmm? Scully"he softly smiled.

"Oh....blind....right..."she assumed, teasing.

"Yes...well, am I?"he asked before removing her hands from his eyes.

"Well....depends on your definition.."she played, trying to keep the moment
light.

"Ah....I see....I SEE! It's...amazing! No, no...Scully...the well...rather
exhausting point I was attempting to make...is that no...I'm not blind...I'm
just...well...I'm not used to...seeing...and well...now that I am...I
see...you....and all of this. Even with all the unknowns...I do KNOW that I am
not alone. You have followed me to the ends of the earth, and back again..."

"..literally, have you seen are travel expenses lately?"she interrupted with a
smile.

"But of course...(playfully cocks eyebrow)..I can't even count the many times
you have kept me sane, tended to my wounds, mental or physical, all while still
having to deal with your own demons. Even now, I can't comprehend why you do
it....but...whatever the case...I do want you to know that I am forever
grateful, and that without you...."he paused for a moment, looking at her. She
was patiently waiting for him to finish, but she was still wiping the wetness
from his face. He slid his fingers upward and captured her face in his hands.

"Mulder....what we have is beyond the realm of comprehension."she silenced him,
"we need no explanations...just...."

With one quick move, his lips were covering hers, abruptly ending the
conversation, but no more words were needed. They both knew it all, and now it
was time to show it. Pushing him against the chair, she kissed him back, hard
with the energy that only comfort could fuel. Moving herself on top of his
legs, she moved her chest against his, running her fingers through his hair,
gaining control of the kiss as his tongue entered her mouth. Searching for a
spot to touch her, Mulder eagerly rubbed her thighs, then slid his hands up
slowly, removing her leather jacket within seconds. Straddling him, she
deepened their kiss as she felt him moving beneath her, growing harder with
each touch, his body aching with desire. 

"Damn, Mulder...not a very patient one, are we?"we let out a soft chuckle
between kisses.

"Not....at....all...."he took control over her lower body, and sending her
backwards onto the floor. Her legs still wrapped around him, he moved on top of
her, undoing the buttons on her shirt, then removing it, sending it flying
across the room. He traced the curves of her breasts, and planted kisses across
them before moving down to her naval. 

"What I am going to do with you...huh...you..."she ran her hands up through the
inside of his shirt, pulling it off him, revealing his tender chest. 

"...Jesus......"she looked at his upper body, which was covered in sweat. She
began to taste his body, the salt mixed with his own manly flavor aroused every
inch of her, and she squeezed her legs tight around his hips, which caused the
bundle concealed within his pants to grow.

"You make my entire body...."he mumbled as his unfasten her pants, sliding them
down her thighs.

"I just want to feel every inch of you..."she unzipped his jeans, and removed
them along with his boxers, freeing his erection onto her skin, making her more
eager to have him inside. 

"Mulder..please..."she begged, moving her core closer to his harden cock,
rubbing her clit against him.

"And you call me impatient"he gave her a quick grin before entering her,
thrusting slowly at first, then driving deeper and deeper into her depths.
Arching herself, she spread her legs open letting him go further. He pounded
hard over and over until she thought she was going to explode with ecstasy. The
sweat between them was a satin aide that heightened the moment as he came
inside her, releasing his erotic tension in her, making her buckle with
pleasure. Bury herself in him she moaned his name as she went off the edge, her
body erupting with him. 

"Mmmmmm...I can't...breathe..."he swallowed, still savoring her in his mouth.
Pulling out of her, he collapsed beside her, laying his head on her stomach.
Reaching down to kiss the top of his head, he sighed, still trying to calm her
breathing.

"Never...you'll never be alone."she promised, closing her eyes.

Clutching her in his arms, he embraced her, and exhaled, his mind no longer
filled with anxiety. Content, he finally rested his body against hers.

"You are the source of my vitality...you keep me alive. With one life lost,
another is created inside of me because of you...with each death of my spirit,
you build another with one breath."

"Without your spirit, I could not breathe...."she replied, cradling him as he
rested on her. 

Together they laid, sleeping until the dawn snuck in, leaving the world with
another day to test them, and what they had built inside those four walls. And
the day they would face....together......

THE END


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