From: "Glass November" Date: Sun, 26 Jan 2003 02:48:58 +0000 Subject: One Tin Soldier, by Glass November Source: direct TITLE: One Tin Soldier AUTHOR: Glass November (glass_november@hotmail.com) RATING: G CATEGORY: VRA SUMMARY: She realizes that she has made the wrong choice, and lost everything. DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not mine. AUTHOR's NOTES: This was inspired by the song "One Tin Soldier," from the movie Billy Jack. Did it work? Send me feedback and let me know! "There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't." ************************************************************************* She walks slowly along the streets, the air still smelling freshly of early morning. The streets are mostly empty, cool and wide. The air is cool and promising, and she ignores it, turning her face to the wind. It ruffles her hair and coldly caresses her face, numbing it. She walks alone. So this was what it was like. She had never known, never understood. She had never thought she would need to. She had had a quest, a duty, a reason for living. She had dedicated her life to it, and to him, and rarely had she looked into the future for longer than a moment. She told herself that she didn't need to; she would live in the present. And now she was alone. It had been her choice, and she had done what she thought was best. She had truly believed that he would not go on without her. Had that been her mistake? Had she really not known him, not understood how dedicated he was? She had thought that they were a pair. She had thought that after all they had shared, everything they had experienced, they would not separate. All they had left to say was "I love you," and they would have been together forever. She had thought that she meant enough to him, after everything she had sacrificed. She had thought that he loved her. Had he known that she thought he would follow her? Was this his way of releasing her? She had joined him in his pain, in his quest, and he had known everything she had sacrificed. He had known how much it hurt, and why she continued. Was this his way of telling her she was free to go, that she had paid her dues? Or had he just thought that she was leaving him? When she had told him that it was over, had he heard the words, or had he seen what she meant? She had meant to save them both, to bring the end to their search. She had known that they could only be together if she joined him completely, if she surrendered what fragile hold on life she had, or if they both stopped, if they recognized the futility and the uselessness of their pain. She had thought that she had chosen the right one. She had thought that he would follow her, and that he would appreciate her decision. What can she do now? She cannot return. If it were even possible, it would never be the same. It is up to him, now. She has made a mistake, and she has to wait for him to fix it. She doesn't know if he ever will, but if he decides to, she will be waiting. Life without him, a normal life, is worth nothing. He was her reason, her purpose, and she wishes that she could have seen that earlier. The search was not hers, it never was. He was her reason. If he does not destroy himself with his quest, if he decides to sacrifice his truth for her, she will be waiting. But now, as he continues to fight, she walks alone, surrendering. Accepting what life she had, and never fighting for more. Never searching. She is finished here, and her regrets surround her. Her Judgement Day has come and gone, and she is hollow. On that cold morning after, she watches as her hopes, her truth, her life, leave her behind, and she does not follow them.