From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Tue, 11 Jul 2000 17:57:00 -0500 Subject: Opposite Side of the Universe by Bralynne LeRae Source: direct Reply To: BralynneLeRae@aol.com Title: Opposite End of the Universe Author: Bralynne LeRae E-mail: BralynneLeRae@aol.com Disclaimer: I don't own them, CC does. But Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny give them life. Category: SA Rating: G Spoilers: Requiem Summary: There were times when we first became intimate that I wanted you to disappear. Then there were days when all I wanted was to crawl into your attentive arms. Author's Notes and Thanks: Thanks for all your compliments. I hope you like this, it is how I believe Scully may have been feeling after she heard probably the two most important things in her life. I think, I can't I see, I don't I try to believe, Try, but I won't -------------------------------------------------------- Opposite End of the Universe -------------------------------------------------------- There were times when we first became intimate that I wanted you to disappear. Moments when I wanted you on the opposite end of the universe. Days when all your, '' Are you sure your okay?'' and, '' Are you mad at me?'' along with, '' How are you feeling?'' questions drove me crazy, when your captivation with myself almost made me insane. There were periods when I wanted you to go away and never return, when I wanted you to leave me to myself and all my issues. Then there were days when all I wanted was to crawl into your attentive arms. Intervals when all I desired was to be the focus of your life, when I wanted to cry in your embrace and reveal to you all my uncertainties. Instances when you were the only thing that would bring me tranquillity. Today was one of those times. Yet, at the moment I want you to be the most connected to me, you are at the greatest distance away. On the day of the most momentous disclosure concerning our future together, you are beyond my grasp. Practically the most genuine thing that has ever taken place between us and you are not here to testify to it. Now all those times when I wanted you gone seem false. I will you to be here and you're not. I am awestruck by your absence. Whether it be by your own intentions or by forced apprehension, the reality of it is, you are lost to me. I don't want to believe it, but I know it is true. I am not sure whether to be furious or mournful at your departure. I can't decide if I'm mad or defeated at you leaving me behind. The only gratification to this plight I can find, is that maybe you will get your explanations from this excursion. Maybe all the truths you have searched for will come to light in this trip you have taken. But sadly, you know not what you vanquish by taking the voyage. The tidings I received today were supposed to be of joy, and yet I can't help the feelings of depression that overwhelm my soul. The desolate empathy baths me with disdain. I want to be intoxicated by the enchantment of this event, but I find my spirit divided by the facts I've learned today. The father of my unborn child has vanished. The location of him is ambiguous, and anyone's guess as to where he may be, is as good as mine. I try to piece the puzzle together. I try to doctor my shattered heart. But I can't. That was your job and you are out of my reach. This is why I need you here with me, to ease away my incoherent convictions. To take away the grim aspects of this miracle. To replace this ache with assurance, the knowing that you will be here for our astounding wonder. A child created out of lust and love, combined in the most splendid way, is my only link to you. A protege that we were never supposed to be capable of conceiving is growing inside of me. I am stupefied by his presence and vexed by your loss. I weep with joy at his creation and I weep with regret that you are not able to know what we have made together. When you get back, I hope you feel it was all worth it. My only reliance is that you do get home someday soon. That you will know of our child, and that you do not have to grieve over missing too much. That you will return promptly and be with us, before I ever truly know you are gone, before our child has to be raised without his father. The one thing that makes this child grand is who his father is, and that someday he will be home to tell this infant of the truths and the challenges that lay ahead in this dull world. That he will know of the love only you can give him Mulder, and that this love will be everlasting. Now, I wish I could take back all those times when I didn't want you near me. I long for the days when you are with me, when I can hear your heartbeat and know your thoughts on this sphere coincide with mine. The assurance that one day again, I will be able to perceive your laughter, your melancholy, your doubts and your love is the only thing that keeps me going. The one thing that frightens me, is the substantiality that I know not when you'll return. And what, when you finally do make it back to me, will be the manner in which I will welcome you? Will I want your comfort like so many times before, or like many of the other moments in our coupling, will I want you to be on the opposite end of the universe?