From gillyfanatic@yahoo.com Sat Sep 15 11:02:25 2001 Date: Sat, 1 Sep 2001 18:00:27 -0700 (PDT) From: Leonora O'Reilly Title: The Other Woman Author: Leonora O'Reilly Summary: "I love him so much. I love him with all my heart, but he could never say the same to me. I'm not the only one he loves." Category: Vignette/Romance/Angst Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. Don't sue. Thanks. Thanks to Rowan for the lyrics that inspired this story, as well as Pollyanna for putting together The X-Files Lyric Wheel. Feedback: I crave it. Send it to GillyFanatic@yahoo.com ************************************************* My eyes slowly open. I squint at the piercing light that creeps in through my blinds. It's morning. I hate mornings. I roll over and discover that I'm alone in the bed. It comes as no surprise, but I'm disappointed anyway. It seems that no matter how many times I go to sleep with someone in my arms, I'll always wake up alone. The clock beckons me to get out of bed. I can't afford to be late to work again, but something keeps me from moving. Maybe it's my overwhelming sense of depression and hopelessness. It's hard to say. I just can't seem to pull myself from the sheets. I feel tears of familiar self pity gather in the corners of my eyes. I love him so much. I love him with all my heart, but he could never say the same to me. I'm not the only one he loves. I stare at the ceiling, picturing him as he was last night. He woke me up with his tossing and turning. He was lost in a far away dream and all I could do was watch. I wanted to hold him so badly. He's been through so much and right then I wanted to take it all away. I wanted to pull him from his nightmare and keep him in the safety of my love forever. With a sudden surge of love, I took his hand and silently urged him to wake up. He didn't wake up. He simply whispered a name. Her name. I released his hand immediately. I knew that she had come to him in his dream. His body seemed relaxed and peaceful. As much as I wanted it to be me, it was her who brought him tranquility in the night. I had made love to him and I was lying next to him, but she was still the one he longed for, even in dreams. Sometimes I wonder why he shows up every night. I hate to question it for fear that he'll stop coming. He's the only thing in my life that makes any of this seem worthwhile. My job eats at my soul from nine to five every day. My apartment is always lonely and quiet when he isn't here. He's my light in a dark room. He's my savior. Sadly, I am not his light, nor am I his savior. What am I to him? Sometimes I think he loves me. The way he kisses me with such passion and hunger... He wants me. He tells me he wants me, but he never says he loves me. I assume that his love is reserved only for her. And yet he wants me. He comes to me. I just don't know what to think anymore. I manage to get to the shower. I can still make it to work on time. I lather the shampoo into my short red hair. I wonder what color her hair is. I realize that I've never seen her. Of course, why would I have seen her? Why would he bring the Other Woman home to meet The Woman? That's what she is. The Woman. The woman whose name he whispers in the night. It would be a lie to say that I'm not jealous. I am. I would give anything to have him love me like that. To love me the way that I love him. I sigh. I can't go on this way. I need to move on. Stepping out of the shower, I fling on my robe and run to my desk. I write down everything that I've been keeping in these past six months. The questions, frustrations, and sadness' that have been killing me are summed up in my simple good bye letter. I swallow, reading it back to myself. I nearly crumple it up into a ball, but think twice. This is a step I need to take for my own sanity. I get dressed, but I know that I'm not going to work. I don't think I could take it. I drop the letter off at his office. It's over. I drive a long way to a beach that I've always loved. There's something so perfect about feeling the sand under my bare feet. Without realizing it, I'm running. Tears stream down my face, but I keep going. I stare out into the water, desperate for a sign that it's going to be okay. I need to know that it's going to be okay. I stood there for hours, waiting for a glimmer of hope. But all that came back was the tide. ************************************************* "This came for you," Dana Scully says, handing her partner a letter. He eyes it carefully, not recognizing the handwriting. Scully has already gone back to her paperwork, so he decides that there's no harm in opening it now. His mouth falls open in surprise as he reads her shaky handwriting. He knows that she is right. He doesn't love her. He can't commit himself to her alone. No matter how much he wanted to love her, it could never be. He stares at the last sentence in the letter: "I will never forget you." His heart aches for her. If only he could love her... truly love her the way she deserves to be loved. He glances up at Scully, who remains immersed in whatever is on her computer screen. Mulder sadly smiles. Ironic. Scully possesses his soul and doesn't even realize it. She has all of his love and does nothing with it. She doesn't know of the woman who so desperately wants the love that she takes for granted. The woman who walked out into the ocean until she could walk no further, thinking only of him as the waves crashed over her head. The woman who would never forget him. ************************************************* "I Will Not Forget You" by Sarah McLaughlin I remember the nights I watched as you lay sleeping You're body gripped by some far away dream Well, I was so scared and so in love then And so lost in all of you that I had seen But no one ever talked in the darkness No voice ever added fuel to the fire No light ever shone in the doorway Deep in the hollow of earthly desires But if in some dream there was brightness If in some memory some sort of sign And flesh be revived in the shadows Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined ~chorus~ And I will, oh, I will not forget you Nor will I ever let you go I will, oh, I will not forget you I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak So silent you stole from my bed To go back to the one who possesses your soul And I, back to the life that I dread So I ran like the wind to the water Please don't leave me again I cried And I threw bitter tears at the ocean But all that came back was the tide ~chorus~ And I will, oh, I will not forget you Nor will I ever let you go I will, oh, I will not forget you 8/20/01