**********************************************************
  ML's e-mail address has changed to: msnsc21@yahoo.com
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From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 6 May 2001 22:23:33 -0000
Subject: Out of the Loop by ML by ML
Source: direct

Title:  Out of the Loop
Author: ML
Email:  msnsc21@aol.com
Feedback: much appreciated, always!
Distribution: Ephemeral, Gossamer, and IWTB, yes; if you've 
archived me before, yes; if not, please drop me a line so I 
can come visit, and keep my name and email attached.  Thanks.
Spoilers:  Empedocles, a bit for Vienen, DeadAlive, and Three 
Words
Rating:  PG-13 for a couple of bad words
Classification: missing scene, angst
Keywords:  MSR.  Skinner POV. Doggett. Reyes.
Summary:  Where was Skinner when it all went down at the 
hospital?

Disclaimer:  The characters described in this story do not 
belong to me.  They are the property of Chris Carter, Ten 
Thirteen, and Fox Broadcasting.  I mean no infringement, 
and I am making no profit from this.

Author's notes at the end.
=====
Out of the Loop
by ML

Skinner stares unseeing at the doughnut machine as it goes 
through its paces without a hitch.  Row after row of perfect, 
identical doughnuts.  The warm, moist, fragrant air of the 
shop surrounds him.  He moves forward in his turn, one 
imperfect, irregular human being in a line of them, each 
waiting patiently for his or her share of perfection.

He is feeling especially imperfect tonight, harboring a bitter 
sense of resentment and ill-usage.  Not emotions he is used to
experiencing, and he is having a very hard time keeping them 
in check.

The perky clerk takes his order and smilingly presents him 
with a warm box of Krispy Kreme's finest glazed.  He pays and 
nods his thanks, glad to leave.  It's too bright, too happy 
in here.  It doesn't fit his mood.

Placing his precious cargo on the seat beside him, Skinner 
heads toward a place he's visited far more often than the 
doughnut shop.  Who needs the Northstar system, he thinks 
sardonically.  I could find my way here from anywhere on 
the planet.  The sun is just setting as he approaches his 
destination.  He has never liked sunsets.  In Vietnam it 
signaled the beginning of the most dangerous time.  They 
still seem to signal danger to him. 
 
Tonight's sunset is so brilliant, so unusual for an early 
spring evening, that it appears that the world is on fire.  
It makes Skinner remember a snippet of a poem he once knew...
something about whether the world would end through fire or 
ice.  The poet (who? Robert Frost, he thinks.  Appropriate 
name) wrote some believe the world will end in fire, some 
in ice.  Fire being hate, anger, strife, among other things.
And ice was symbolic of indifference.  The opposite of hate 
is not love, it's indifference.  Either way, Skinner thinks, 
it doesn't matter; the end of the world is the end of the 
world.

Maybe the world's ignorance and indifference will hasten 
its end.  Kersh's willful ignorance--his unwillingness to 
even listen to any theories posited by Mulder--could definitely
 hasten the end of the world, if what happened to Mulder is 
any indication.  There could be any number of aliens already 
among humankind.  Skinner feels a chill that has nothing to 
do with the sun going down.  He parks the car and enters the 
building.

Another day, another hospital.  Skinner strides down the 
corridor toward the nurses' station.  He places the doughnut 
box on the counter as he makes his request.  It's become a 
game with him--does he get more cooperation with bribes, or 
by flashing his badge?  So far, it's about fifty-fifty.  This 
time the sweets win out and he is given the freedom of the 
ward.

Out of nowhere, Doggett appears.  Does everyone know about 
this but him?  Skinner acknowledges the other man, but doesn't 
break stride.

"Sir?"  Doggett falls in beside him.  "Did Agent Mulder call 
you?"

"No, he didn't," Skinner replies, and he can hear the bitterness 
in his tone.  "Did he call you?"

Doggett shakes his head.  "I was already here."

"Was she out on a case with you?"  Skinner asks, not quite 
believing it, except that Scully has a stubborn streak a mile 
wide.  She might do it for Mulder, but for Doggett?  He doesn't 
think so.  Agent Doggett corroborates this.

"No Sir, this was something she was doing with Agent Mulder," 
Doggett replies.  "I didn't want anything to do with it."  
Now Skinner can hear a slightly aggrieved tone from Doggett.  
He has sensed a rivalry between Mulder and Doggett from the 
first time Mulder heard Doggett's name.  Their first meeting 
had not gone well.

Skinner starts to ask why, then thinks better of it.  "How is 
she?"

"Well, she took quite a blow to the back of her head, but she's
conscious.  They're keeping her overnight for observation."

"A BLOW TO THE HEAD?"  Skinner's vision clouds up with a black 
rage.  "Who on earth would hit a woman almost nine months 
pregnant?  And where the hell was she that this could happen?  
She's not supposed to be in the field."  The Gunmen hadn't 
told him this; they'd said Scully was in the hospital due 
to some complications from her pregnancy. 
 
I'm going to find Mulder and tear him limb from limb, Skinner 
thinks as he lengthens his stride.  What the *fuck* was he 
thinking, putting Scully in danger?  He's always disregarded 
his own safety, but he's never disregarded hers before.  Maybe 
he hasn't recovered as well as I thought.

Doggett grasps Skinner's arm.  "Sir, not Agent Scully.  Agent 
Reyes.  I thought you were here to see her."

"Agent Reyes?  I didn't even know she was in town."  Something 
else no one bothered to tell him.  He'll probably find out from 
DD Kersh tomorrow morning in his daily briefing, though he's 
come to think of it as his daily ass-chewing.  He looks forward 
to them the way Mulder must have looked forward to meetings 
with him.  Though he doesn't think he was ever as bad as Kersh.

Skinner hasn't seen Agent Reyes since Montana and doesn't really
want to see her now.  If he could, he'd forget everything about 
that trip and the ensuing three months.  But it would be 
churlish to refuse to see her now.  It isn't her fault that 
things went down the way they did in Montana.  He isn't looking 
to blame anyone but himself.  He just doesn't want the reminder 
of one more way he's failed both Mulder and Scully.  Digging 
Mulder up again didn't begin to make up for any of it.

In light of this, it occurs to him that he shouldn't be so 
surprised that they are keeping things from him.  He'd thought
they'd finally come to a place where they trusted each other, 
where they trusted him.  It hurt to think that it still isn't 
so.

Shaking off the self-pity once again, Skinner asks, "Where's 
Agent Reyes' room?"

"It's just down here, Sir," Doggett leads the way down another
corridor, in the opposite direction from Scully's room.


Monica Reyes is sitting up in her bed, eyeing the green 
gelatin on her tray.

"Hello, Sir," she says with a smile, though there are dark smudges
under her eyes.

Agent Doggett stirs at the door.  "I was just goin' down to get 
myself some real coffee and Agent Reyes something better to eat," 
he says.  "I'll be back in a couple of minutes."  He backs quickly
out of the door, leaving Skinner alone with Monica Reyes.

Skinner gestures at the departing agent.  "What's with Agent 
Doggett?"

"He doesn't like hospitals?" Monica offered.

"None of us like hospitals, Agent Reyes.  Cut the crap.  Did he 
call you in, or did you come on your own?"

Agent Reyes briefly explains the circumstances surrounding her 
visit to Washington.  "But how did you find out about it?  Did 
Agent Mulder..."

"You don't know him very well if you think he would do that," 
Skinner breaks in.  "Did you figure out the connection?"

"I'm sure it sounds improbable to you, Sir, but there is evil 
abroad in the world, waiting for its chance to strike."  Agent 
Reyes looks pensive.  "Sometimes a person is just in the wrong 
place at the wrong time."

"Like you," Skinner points out. "Don't be too quick to judge 
what I think or what I believe, Agent," he adds.  "I've seen 
evil and what it can do.  But not everyone sees it that way."

"You're talking about Agent Doggett." She's stating a fact, 
not asking a question.

Skinner nods.  "If he hangs around the X-Files long enough, 
he may one day admit to it.  But it takes longer for some 
than others."

"What made you believe, Sir?"  Agent Reyes asks.

Skinner stares at her.  "You know.  You saw it yourself."

She nods and says no more, picking at her gelatin.

A nurse comes in brandishing a syringe and indicates that she 
needs to take Agent Reyes' blood and vitals.  Skinner uses that
as an excuse to take his leave and go back to find Agent Scully's 
room.

As he rounds the corner, he sees Doggett paused at the door of 
another room.  He looks up as Skinner approaches and walks 
forward.  As he passes, he inclines his head toward the door.  
"Mulder's there,"  he says.  Doggett's eyes look bleak, like 
he's been given very bad news.

"Did you talk to Mulder?" The words jerk out of Skinner.  He 
doesn't really want to know if it's bad news about Scully but 
he doesn't not want to know, either.  And he doesn't want to 
hear it from Mulder, whatever it is.

"I haven't talked to Agent Mulder since earlier,"  Doggett 
says.  "I talked to him about the case, and he told me some 
stuff."

Not stuff Agent Doggett wanted to hear, that much is obvious.  
Skinner watches the other man walk away.  His shoulders look 
bowed but as he approaches Agent Reyes' room, he pauses and 
pulls himself up before knocking and going in.

When Skinner gets close enough to Scully's room, he can see 
someone moving around inside.  At first he thinks it's just 
the nurse, but then he can see Mulder is there, too.  Of course.  
As if he'd willingly leave her alone.  He's probably been on guard 
the whole time she's been here.

The nurse comes out and admonishes him softly, "Only one visitor
 at a time," and goes about her business.  A glance through the
window shows that Scully is asleep.  Skinner can see the edge 
of Mulder's shoulder near the window.  He seems to be just 
standing there, watching Scully.  Rather than knock on the 
door, Skinner leans against the opposite wall where he can see 
a little bit into the room.  Either Scully will wake up or 
Mulder will come out before very long.  He can wait a little 
while.

Skinner thinks about his conversation with Monica Reyes.  He 
feels like he's been blindfolded by his own fears for so long.  
Then Mulder's abduction uncovered his eyes and he was finally 
able to see.  He wonders if it will take a similar devastating 
incident for Doggett's eyes to open.

He told Mulder that he didn't think Doggett was up to much 
as far as the real work of the X-Files is concerned.  He'd
actually been surprised and gratified that Mulder had asked
his opinion.  

Skinner thinks back to that day, to seeing Mulder lounging on 
his couch, bare feet on the coffee table.  Not the familiar 
Mulder he knew, and he found it unnerving.  The mention of 
Doggett had transformed indolent Mulder into invested Mulder.  
It was another step in his recovery.

Skinner had been worried about Mulder, especially his attitude 
toward Scully, which had seemed pretty cold toward the woman 
who saved him.  And who was so happy to have him back.  But 
Scully herself counseled patience when Skinner was ready to 
light into Mulder on her behalf.  Mulder's seeming indifference 
had troubled him more than he liked to admit.  Skinner was ready
to share the burden he'd taken up in Mulder's absence.  And now,
when it appears Mulder is reverting to form, he's resentful 
that Mulder once again wants to take it all on.

He wonders if Mulder will try to get the X-Files back, or if he 
will be satisfied to have Scully.  Skinner hopes he is satisfied 
just to be alive.  Getting back the X-Files is a more extreme 
possibility than Mulder knows.

Mulder is skating on pretty thin ice, but then he has for most 
of his career.  Kersh's agenda may be dictated by someone in 
the shadows, or he may just have a personal grudge against 
Mulder.  Once, after the incident at El Rico, Kersh seemed 
willing to admit there was more to the X-Files than he could 
admit to or allow in his views.  But someone or something has 
gotten to him since then.

He knows Mulder has been skulking around the Hoover Building, 
and has gone to the X-Files office more than once.  Skinner 
covered Mulder's tracks as well as he could.  But Mulder has 
the same disregard for authority he had in the past.  He has 
the same unshakable convictions, and he doesn't care who he 
pisses off when he knows he's right.  Skinner has been on the 
receiving end of Mulder's contempt a few times himself, even 
when he was on Mulder's side.  He senses that Kersh has just 
about had it.

Mulder has become even more reckless than he used to be.  Maybe 
because he knows that his days in the FBI are numbered--Kersh has 
made no secret of the fact that he is willing to throw Mulder 
out with only the slightest justification.  In fact, after the 
business with the Census Bureau, Skinner's surprised it hasn't 
happened already.  Mulder doesn't behave like a man with a death
sentence hanging over him, but then he'd already died, which 
might account for that.

Skinner wonders what it must have been like.  He doesn't want 
to ask, and Mulder doesn't generally volunteer information.  
Did Mulder know where he was?  Was he aware of his condition?  
Could he hear what was going on around him, yet not have the 
power to do anything about it?  It horrified Skinner to think 
that he might have heard them discussing whether or not to do 
an autopsy, or what other things might have been said over his 
body.

He wonders if Mulder had any awareness after he was dug up.  
If he heard Agent Doggett's protests.  If he knew that he, 
Skinner, had tried to end his life a second time, and how 
Doggett had tried to stop him.

What Mulder doesn't know, and won't if Skinner doesn't tell 
him, is how Doggett tried to find him, even to the point of 
bringing in a colleague whose methods were counter to his own.

It's not that Mulder and Doggett are two such different men.  
At bottom, they are very much alike.  They are both 
compassionate, driven individuals.  It's just that their 
individual approach to things is so different.

Just as Scully's approach to the work has always been different
than Mulder's.  Skinner wonders if Mulder can see this, or if 
his anger and distrust of Doggett will always be in the way.  
And whether Doggett's fear will ever let him see anything 
Mulder's way.

Skinner catches a movement in Scully's window.  Mulder has moved 
from the door and is now standing beside Scully's bed.  Skinner
 moves slowly across the hall to the door and watches as Mulder 
holds Scully's hand in both of his.  He just holds it, and looks 
down on her sleeping face with such a mix of tenderness and 
sadness.  After a moment he places her hand back at her side, 
and leans forward as if to whisper something in her ear.  
Skinner realizes with a pang that he's kissing her.  First 
her cheek, then her eyelids, one and then the other.  Her 
forehead, where his lips linger for a long moment...and then 
the tip of her nose.  Mulder brushes the hair away from her 
face, letting his fingers trail along her cheek.  He leans 
into her again...

Skinner turns away before he sees any more.

After a moment, he hears the door open quietly and he turns 
to face Mulder.

"Agent Mulder."  Skinner acknowledges the recalcitrant agent 
in a clipped tone.  "How is she?"

Mulder gives him a dry half-smile.  "She's doing fine, Sir.  
They'll probably release her tomorrow.  She's resting right 
now, or you could ask her yourself."

"Mulder, you may not think so, but you and Agent Scully are 
still under my direct supervision.  I expect you to keep me 
informed of any and all incidents affecting either of you."

Unexpectedly, Mulder answers in a conciliatory tone.  "Yes, 
Sir.  I'm sorry.  It happened very suddenly and my priority 
was getting Scully to the hospital."

"And afterward?  She's been here, what?  Forty-eight hours?"

His face closes a little.  "I've been consulting on a case."

"So I hear."

"Did Agent Doggett tell you?"  Mulder demands.

"I was on my way to see Agent Scully," Skinner says pointedly, 
"when I met up with Agent Doggett here in the hospital.  Are 
you aware that Agent Reyes was attacked?"

"No," Mulder says with concern.  "Is she okay?  Doggett didn't 
say anything when I saw him."

"I think it happened when he was talking to you earlier," 
Skinner tells him.  "She's being kept overnight.  She's got 
a possible concussion, bruised ribs, and some cuts and abrasions."

Mulder glances at Scully's door.  "I'll go see her later," 
he promises.

"Agent Doggett's with her right now," Skinner says.  "What 
can you tell me about this case?"

Mulder's expression goes stony as only his can.  "Not much 
to tell, Sir.  You know, the usual.  All theory, no evidence."

"Was it of any help to Agent Doggett?"

"As I told Agent Reyes, Sir, I can't help him if he won't meet me
halfway."

"Agent Mulder, whatever you may think, Agent Doggett is a good 
man.  He deserves your help, even if he doesn't seem to 
appreciate it."

"That's more or less what Scully said, too," Mulder mutters 
half to himself.

"Well, if you won't take it from me, take it from Scully.  He
watched out for her, and he helped her look for you.  And," 
Skinner delivers the coup do grace, "he turned down a chance 
to leave the X-Files when Kersh offered it to him."

Mulder looks disbelieving.  "Why?  So he could drive a stake 
into it?"

Skinner winces at Mulder's inadvertent echo of what Doggett 
had said to Kersh.  "Just the opposite, I think.  But nothing 
I say will convince you.  You'll have to find out for yourself."

"If I get the chance, you mean," Mulder contradicts him.  "I'm
 surprised they even let me into the Hoover Building these 
days."

Maybe warning Mulder about Kersh isn't necessary.  He seems to
understand.

"Kersh can't keep me from looking for the truth," Mulder 
continues.  "He can only prevent me doing it from the FBI."

"You're not quitting!"  Skinner can hardly believe his ears.

"No, I'll make the son of a bitch fire me," Mulder grins.  "But 
maybe it won't come to that."

"Ever the optimist," Skinner says ironically, and earns another 
small grin.

"You should go home, get some rest," he says to Mulder, though 
he knows it's pointless.  

"Sure."  Mulder agrees insincerely, but adds, "Sir?" as Skinner 
turns away.  "Don't think I'm not aware of all you did while I 
was gone.  I don't think I could ever tell you adequately how 
much it means that you dug me up."  He holds out his hand to 
Skinner, who takes it in a firm grip.

Their eyes meet and Skinner sees there's nothing for him to 
say that Mulder doesn't already understand.

"You took a lot of risks for me," Mulder continues.  "But I won't
let anyone take the fall for me.  Not you, not Scully."  He 
waits a beat before adding, "Not even Agent Doggett."

"Agent Mulder,"  Skinner says formally as they release their 
hands, "I told you once that everyone's life is in danger, every 
day.  It's just life."  Mulder has traveled a long, hard road 
since that day.  So for that matter, has Skinner.

Skinner sees that Mulder remembers the conversation.  He nods. 
"We should get on with it, then," he says.

Skinner nods in return.  He thinks Mulder knows now that whatever
happens, he has an ally in the FBI.  Without another word, Skinner
turns away as Mulder quietly opens the door to Scully's room.

Skinner thinks he should look in on Agent Reyes again before 
leaving.  As he enters, he sees that the atmosphere in her room
couldn't be more different than Agent Scully's.  The lights are 
bright, Agent Reyes is awake and alert, and Agent Doggett is as 
far away from her as he can be and still be in the same room.

"I just wanted to say goodnight, see if you need anything," 
he says to Agent Reyes.

She shakes her head slightly.  The bandage on her head gives her 
a slightly rakish air.  "They're letting me go in the morning, 
but they don't want me to fly home right away."  She shrugs.  
"I can do the paperwork at the Bureau before I leave, if I can 
borrow a desk somewhere."

Skinner nods.  "You okay, Agent Doggett?"

Doggett is rubbing his eyes and he stops to look at Skinner.  
"Yeah, Sir, I'm fine.  Just need a good night's sleep."

Skinner doubts he'll get it.  Even if he objects to Agent Reyes
 pursuing this case, Doggett feels responsible somehow.  For 
different reasons, he will probably be spending the night in 
the hospital, same as Mulder.

Skinner can't resist going past Scully's room once again as he 
leaves the hospital.  He pauses and glances in.  He sees a 
familiar tableau, with the positions reversed.

Scully is still asleep.  One hand rests on her abdomen, but it 
is covered by one of Mulder's.  His head rests on her shoulder, 
his other arm on the pillow above her head.  It provides quite 
a contrast to the two agents he just left.

He's grateful to be vouchsafed this view of them, in the calm 
before the coming storm.  He feels it the way a mariner feels 
the weather changes at sea.  The hard part is not yet over.  
Maybe it never will be.

In this room at least, for this moment, strife has been driven 
out by love.

end.

=====
Author's notes: this is actually a challenge fic from the IWTB 
list.  Elements are: A Krispy Kreme doughnut machine, a sunset, 
bare feet, a blindfold, a kiss on the nose, and a syringe.

I really missed Skinner in this ep and I can't believe that 
SOMEONE wouldn't tell him that Scully was in the hospital, and 
that he wouldn't get over there as soon as he found out.  Even 
if he was actually busy on some big sting operation instead! <g>

Special thanks to Jenna for posting the historical/philosophical
information about Empedocles on the list.  It's what really got 
me going on this, finally.

Note to PMD:  I used one of your favorite lines in this story.  
Can you find it?

Thanks to Kimpa, you can find more of my stories at: 
http://www.kimpart.com/mlfic.html

feedback is always appreciated, if you're so inclined:  
msnsc21@aol.com