All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...
Duh duh...duh duh...duh duh duh duh duh duh..

Ah, Paperwork!
by Sheryl Martin  sheryl_martin@daystorm.com


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Motor Vehicles Division
Re: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655

Agent D. Scully:

On the above listed vehicles signed out to you, we have determined
that upon their return major structural damage has been found to the
front seat. Our mechanics cannot determine the cause of this stress on
the metal. We would like your explanation regarding this matter
immediately.

A. Vanderhoss
Motor Vehicles Division



"Signed out to me?"

"Ah... I had to sign your name because they wouldn't give me any more
cars..."

"Mulder..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: A. Vanderhoss
>From: Agent D. Scully
Re: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655

The only thing that I can think of is possibly the failure of my
partner to adjust the set when we change drivers. given there is a
distinct height difference between us, I suggest this could be the
source of your problem.

Agent D. Scully


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Motor Vehicles Division
Re: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655

Agent D. Scully:

Our records show that you're over six feet high, as well as Agent F.
Mulder.  Therefore, your explanation is not possible. So what are you
and your partner doing to break the front seats of your cars?

T. Vanderhoss
Motor Vehicles Division



"Broken front seats...hmm..."

"Mulder, look over there."

"What...Ow!"

"Now we're both the same height.."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: A. Vanderhoss
>From: Agent D. Scully
Re: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655

I have never been, nor ever will be over six feet tall. Please go back
and check your records. I have also included the documentation of the
specific cases the vehicles were used on. As you can see, any damage
to the vehicles in question occurred during an investigation.

Agent D. Scully



"'During an investigation'? I like the way that sounds..."

"Mulder..."

"You throw that, we'll have to explain how it got broken..."

"Justifiable homicide..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Motor Vehicles Division
Re: Vehicle Requisition Requests V-2830492, V-9226528, V-83774655

Agent D. Scully:

We have confirmed with Personnel that you are rather shorter than
listed on our records. As a result, please disregard the previous
memos abut the structural damage to the vehicles. In the future,
please remember to adjust the seat accordingly. And tell Agent F.
Mulder the guys here give him a big thumbs-up.

T. Vanderhoss
Motor Vehicles Division



"Gee, I wonder what that's supposed to mean..."

"Mulder..."

"Hey, I didn't say anything..."

"And you're not going to, right?"

"Ah, I can't really breathe, Scully..."



********************************

From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Happy Paperwork! -Short short
Date: 16 Oct 1995 23:12:41 GMT


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No
infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 

Happy Paperwork!
by Sheryl Martin


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor
Re: Current Active Status

Agent F. Mulder:

It has come to our attention that you have been reclassified as not deceased
at the present time. Please complete the folowing forms to verify your
status; including copies of your Birth Certificate, Driving Licence, and all
other personal identification . Upon receipt of the proper material we will
validiate your benefits; your security priviledges, etc.

M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor


"Maybe I should just stay dead - no more paperwork."

"Quit whining, Mulder... I've got my own stack. Being reinstated isn't an
easy ride either..."

"Yah Scully, but if I stay dead I won't have to pay rent; taxes; get the
phone and go visit Skinner..."

"... Get fed by my mother..."

"Pass me that box of pencils, please..."


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor
Re: Current Active Status

Agent F. Mulder:

Thank you for returning forms T-181012 through T-181192 so promptly.
Unfortunately there is an omission on page 4 of your copy of form T-181088
where you list no explanation for your absence for five days. Please complete
the section as soon as possible and resubmit.

M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor


"So how do I tell them about the Navaho? And I can't..."

"You don't - put down you were in the hotel room."

"Scully... that would be lying. And I thought you were a good Catholic
girl..."

"I prefer creative reality perception..."


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor
Re: Current Active Status

Agent F. Mulder:

Regarding your completion of T-181088 you claim to have been in a hotel room
but no receipts have been received by the department for reinbursement.
Please send them along immediately.

M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor


"I don't like this..."

"I already sent in the bill from my stay in the hotel where we met Albert...
what are you going to do?"

"Creative reality perception management, Scully... as per the Lone Gunmen."


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor
Re: Current Active Status

Agent F. Mulder:

Thank you for completing the paperwork so promptly and including the
receipts. Please find enclosed your reinbursement for your expenses;
including the hotel room. Your status has been upgraded to Active with
reinstatement of all benefits and responsibilities.

M. Berger
Records Division Supervisor


"An extra two hundred dollars... pay for my birthday dinner..."

"Oh, who are you taking?"

"My favourite FBI agent... well, next to Jodie Foster..."

"Come here, Mulder..."

"Don't hurt me, Scully..."

"Only if you want me to... I just want to give you your birthday present."

"Oooohhh, Scully..."

;-)


****************************
"You've become a world-class hopeless romantic."
"Not hopeless... hopeful. A world-class hopeful romantic."
Joan Wilder -- Romancing The Stone



All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...
Just when you thought you'd gotten away from the bureaucracy...


More Paperwork
by Sheryl Martin


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Archives
Re: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives)

Agent F. Mulder:

It has come to our attention that you have been in possession of the
above listed tapes for over four months. Since at present we have no
record of any investigation you are involved in that would require the
use of these videos, we request that they be returned.

J. Berton
Archives Division


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: J. Berton
Archives Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives)

The tapes are currently being used in a research project by my
section. I will return tham at a later date. Thanks for the reminder.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Archives
Re: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives)

Agent F. Mulder:

We have no record of any project on file. Please submit Form A-431824
with the signature of your partner, D. Scully, to confirm the use of
these resources for official purposes.

J. Berton
Archives Division


"Scully..."

"Not a chance, Mulder..."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Archives
Re: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives)

Agent F. Mulder:

Unfortunately the signature you sent us on Form A 431824 was illegible
and cannot be confirmed as Agent D. Scully's. Frankly, we don't know
whose it is, but it is not hers. Please resubmit your request
immediately.

J. Berton
Archives Division


"Scully..."

"I already said no..."

"Fifty bucks?"

"...Make it seventy-five..."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Archives
Re: Library Videotapes P143-P214 (Pornography Archives)

Agent F. Mulder:

Thank you for submitting Form A-431824 at this time. Your request for
further research time has been approved. By the way, please notify
Agent D. Scully that copies of these requests are filed in your
personnel jackets.

J. Berton
Archives Division


"Mulder..."

**************************************************




All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...
Warning: This contains nothing whatsoever to do with the
paranormal...unless you've had to deal with the government, in which
case you believe it's all true...

Paperwork
by Sheryl Martin   sheryl_martin@daystorm.com

INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Finances
Re: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested)

Agent D. Scully:

Regarding your claim requesting compensation for the amount of $78.97
for a pair of shoes -- we require further clarification on the method
of damage.  "Stepping in a pool of acid" is not specific enough. Also,
we need your immediate supervisor to submit a signed copy of your
request to proceed.

M. Stubbins
Finance Division


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: M. Stubbins
       Finance Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested)

Here's my copy of the report. I would ask that you replace her stuff
as well as give her a little extra for a new pair of running shoes.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Finances
Re: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested)

Agent D. Scully:

Regarding your claim, we need a copy of the lab report detailing the
substance that allegedly destroyed your shoes. As well, we have no
record of File X-93647, the documentation of the case you were
supposedly on when the claim was incurred. Please forward this
information to me, as well as a signed copy from your immediate
supervisor, Agent F. Mulder to verify the validity of the form.

M. Stubbins
Finance Division


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: M. Stubbins
       Finance Division
>From: Agent D. Scully
Re: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested)

Here's a copy of the report. It says my shoes were destroyed by an
acid-like goo I stepped in.. This occurred during an investigation
into a series or murders in the New York State area. Agent Mulder is
sending you a copy of our report.  Now can we get going on this?

Agent D. Scully



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: Finances
Re: Expense Voucher E-29443G (replacement monies requested)

Agent D. Scully:

Due to the lack of scientific evidence regarding the supposedly
destruction of your footwear during an investigation, we cannot
approve your claim at this time. If you wish to appeal this, please
submit Form E-9264739 (Appeal of Denial of Claim) with signed
affidavits from your immediate supervisor, Agent F. Mulder and your
Assistant Director.

M. Stubbins
Finance Division





From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Paperwork 911-New Short Story
Date: 23 Jan 1996 20:21:26 GMT


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No
infringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court...
I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh...

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 


Paperwork 911
by Sheryl Martin


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: J. Kilmer, Communication Equipment Division Supervisor
Re: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage

Agent F. Mulder:

Upon reviewing our records we have discovered that both you and Agent D.
Scully have managed to achieve an unusually high number of requests for
replacement or repair of the cel phones assigned to you both as field agents.
While we are not in a position to verify or deny the validity of your claims,
we are at a loss as to why you and Agent Scully manage to go through so many
phones. Can you possibly supply a explanation for this, as we are coming up
to our own budget meeting and need to justify any further replacements for
your section.

J. Kilmer
Communication Equipment Division Supervisor


"Ring, ring..."

"Who's there?"

"Fox."

"Fox who?"

"Foxy FBI agent looking for hot redhead to chase aliens with..."

"Sorry... wrong number."


To: J. Kilmer
Communication Equipment Division Supervisor
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage

Mr. Kilmer:

In the course of our investigations we are often in rather unique situations
that unfortunately have resulted in the loss or damage of the cel phones.
Sorry about that. But you have my reports that detail every incident; and I'm
sure that if you took this to your budget meeting you would be able to
justify keeping my section supplied with the phones.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


"Ring, ring..."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't make any jokes about aliens this time?"

"The number you have reached is out of service..."


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: J. Kilmer, Communication Equipment Division Supervisor
Re: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage

Agent F. Mulder:

We don't doubt the claims themselves; just the circumstances listed. For
example, Form R-14993872 says that you had the unit melt down in your jacket
pocket. Form R-99382778 says that you left it in a boxcar that later blew up.
Form R-16384772 states that you dropped it while leaping on a train.

Our department is open to any and all ideas; but to suggest that all of these
things happen to you on a regular basis is pushing your credibility with us,
Agent Mulder. And I see that you have a recent claim now for another phone;
since it seems to have been short-circuited by some type of manure getting
inside the phone. We will consider this request in light of your past
reports.

J. Kilmer
Communications Equipment Division Supervisor



"Ring, ring..."

"Who's there?"

"Mulder."

"Mulder who?"

"Mulder who's in a lot of trouble again..."

"Busy signal..."


To: J. Kilmer
Communication Equipment Division Supervisor
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: Cel Phone Replacement and Usage

Mr. Kilmer:

Whatever you may think of my previous claims, having a cel phone is
imperative to my continued ability to function as a field agent. Agent Scully
and Assistant Director Skinner can attest that having this vital
communication link is important to my work. Please take this into
consideration before you invalidate any further claims.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor

"Mulder..."

"Yes?"

"What is this?"

"My... new phone..."

"It's two cans with a piece of string tied between them..."

"Ah... can I borrow your phone, Scully?"

"No long-distance calls to 1-900-PLEASE-U"

"How about to 1-900-FBI-BABE?"

"How about I show you what I can do with this string..."

******************
"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You
seek problems because you need their gifts."
Richard Bach -- Illusions



All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...
And the legend continues...


Paperwork Again...
by Sheryl Martin    sheryl_martin@daystorm.com


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Quartermaster Division
Re: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436)

Agent F. Mulder:

We have received your most recent application for replacement of your
assigned equipment, namely, a pair of flashlights. In order to process
your request, we need more description of why you have lost ten sets
in the last year and a half.

T. Morris
Quartermaster Division


"Ah, Scully..."

"Don't look at me; you're the one who thought about filing the
request."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: T. Morris
Quartermaster Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436)

We have managed to lose some of them due to emergency medical
evacuation -- and some from being attacked by strange creatures that
we were hunting in the dark. It's easier to replace the flashlights
than my partner, D. Scully.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


"Ow!"

"Sorry Mulder, I guess I didn't see your head there..."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Quartermaster Division
Re: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436)

Agent F. Mulder:

While we can appreciate your rather odd sense of humour, we cannot
find any documentation of the specific cases that you claim to have
lost your assigned equipment on. I am obligated to remind you that
theft of federal property is an indictable offence, and we will pursue
legal action if necessary.

T. Morris
Quartermaster Division


"What, they think we're hiding them all in our apartments?"

"Mulder, in your apartment you could be hiding Jimmy Hoffa..."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: T.Morris
Quartermaster Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436)

I don't mean to tell you folks how to do your job, but why would Agent
D.  Scully and I steal all those flashlights? Anyway, here is the
documentation of the case files as you requested. Each time we did
lose them in the course of pursuing an investigation.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: Quartermaster Division
Re: Replacement of Flashlights (Form R-9288436)

Agent F. Mulder:

Thank you for the material detailing how you lost so many sets of
flashlights. However, both you and Agent D. Scully have surpassed the
allotted amount allowed for replacement of equipment. Therefore, we
will issue the aforementioned items and just dock your paycheck for
the next two weeks. In future, please be more careful. The FBI is not
your personal playground.

T. Morris
Quartermaster Division


"Mulder, put the gun down..."

****************************************************



From: Sheryl_Martin@daystorm.com (Sheryl Martin)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Paperwork Lives... New Story
Date: 25 Apr 1995 19:14:00 GMT



All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No
infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...


Paperwork Lives...
by Sheryl Martin

INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
CC: Agent D. Scully
From: Firearms Training Division
Re: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203

It has come to our attention that you are overdue to recertify yourself on
the training range. Please attend as soon as possible so that you can
maintain your present status to carry a firearm.

K. Smithworn
Firearms Training Division



"Are they serious? I don't remember the last time I shot anything..."

"Other than your mouth off, Mulder?"

"Oh, and you're a expert?"

"At least I don't drop my gun..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: K. Smithworn
Firearms Training Division
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203

Unfortunately due to our workload, myself and Agent D. Scully are unavailable
to recertify at this time. Please just stamp the appropriate form and sent it
down the line, and we'll get back to you when we are free.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor



"You really think you can talk them out of this..."

"I don't have the time to go down and do this, Scully..."

"Why, get a new copy of The Lone Gunman?"

"No. The Adult Video News. You can borrow it when I'm finished."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
CC: Agent D. Scully
From: Firearms Training Division
Re: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203

I don't think my last memo made our position clear. This is a mandatory
course you have to attend. And I'll ignore the insinuation that I falsify
your records. You're both scheduled to be on the range Monday at nine a.m.

K. Smithworn
Firearms Training Division



"Well done, Mulder. Now we're in deeper trouble."

"Not really. We'll just call in sick."

"You really want me to retire to a little country practice, don't you?"

"Hey, you're a doctor..."

"I don't like the way you're smiling..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: K. Smithworn
Firearms Training Division
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203

Unfortunately neither of us will be available for the course on Monday due to
a medical problem -- Agent D. Scully will be forwarding the medical note as
soon as we both recover. We were exposed to a contagious virus that demands
rest for a period of at least one week. Sorry; we'll call to reschedule.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor



"And what are we sick with?"

"I just accessed one of your old files and forwarded it to them."

"Wait a minute... you didn't ask me what we're sick with, you signed my name
and sent the form off already?"

"Well, I couldn't wait...why?"

"I'll give you a real reason to be sick... look at what you sent off."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
CC: Agent D. Scully
From: Firearms Training Division
Re: Recertification of Firearm Carrying Permits FBI-9288473, FBI-7739203

Upon receiving the medical form sent by Agent D. Scully, we have decided to
postpone your recertification to a later date. Please accept our sympathies
and we hope you both recover from mononucleosis as soon as possible. By the
way, we have posted your form on our bulletin board as a fine example of
partnership.

K. Smithworn
Firearms Training Division




From: Sheryl_Martin@daystorm.com (Sheryl Martin)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Paperwork... Ha! -- New Story
Date: 30 Jun 1995 16:03:57 GMT


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No
infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...

Paperwork... Ha!
by Sheryl Martin


"Scully..."

"Mulder..."

"Look at this..."


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: K. Parker
Security Supervisor
Re: I.D. Photographs

Agent F. Mulder:

It has come to our attention that neither your nor your partner, Agent D.
Scully have reported for new identification photos for the last two years.
Since the Bureau insists on having up-to-date pictures, we would appreciate
it if you could come down to the security office as soon as possible. If this
is not possible, could you please send down some recent pictures of yourself;
what we can do is have the new cards at the front desk for you to pick up
when you come in the next morning. Thanks in advance for your help in
maintaining efficiency in our departments.

K. Parker
Security Supervisor



"Scully..."

"Mulder..."

"Want to have some fun?"

"... We could get suspended..."

"For another week..."

"... Get the files out..."



To: K. Parker
Security Supervisor
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: I.D. Photographs

Please find enclosed the latest photographs of myself and Agent Scully. We'll
pick the cards up tomorrow morning.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor



"So, what pictures do you want to send down?"

"Already did it, Scully..."

"I'm suddenly thinking of all that laundry I have waiting for me at home."

"Wonder if they have a good sense of humour..."



To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: K. Parker
Security Supervisor
Re: I.D. Photographs


Agent F. Mulder:

Thank you for the prompt response to our request.

K. Parker 
Security Supervisor



"What does that mean?"

"Ah... I think we just got snookered, Scully..."



To: K. Parker
Security Supervisor
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: I.D. Photographs

I am posting this from my home computer since your efficient security
officers refused to let myself and Agent Scully into the office today since
we did not match the new identification cards at the front desk. I would
think that your people would have caught the striking resemblance between
myself and Brad Pitt and Agent Scully and Pamela Anderson... but that's
another story. Can we please come in for new photos and regain access to our
offices?

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor

****************************
"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it
true. You may have to work for it, however." 
Richard Bach -- "Illusions"
.
: Sent via DayStorm Inc. info@daystorm.com
: Bbs 416-588-9988  (all usr28.8 modems)
: Tel 416-588-0015  Fax 416-588-9618 




All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...
This in no way reflects any people that I know... snicker... and
please get me out of these cuffs!!!

paperwork.com
by Sheryl Martin   sheryl_martin@daystorm.com


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
From: M. Artur
Computer Information Division
Re: Use of Computer Time and Access

Agent F. Mulder:

It has come to our attention that your use of the FBI internal
computer system has extended to external access to various alt. groups
that are not, strictly speaking, within your section's research area.
I refer to ten hours a week on alt.sex.binaries; fourteen hours a week
on alt.sex.bondage and three hours a week in alt.barney.die.die.die.
Can you explain this apparently frivolous use of our resources?



"Alt. barney.die.die.die?"

"You should visit Scully, it's fun."

"Looking at these other groups, I'm scared to ask what you define as fun..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: M. Artur
Computer Information Division
From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Use of Computer Time and Access

I have been researching the various computer croups to determine the
psychological profile of the average computer user for future use.
This information will be compiled and stored for future Bureau
reference; that's why I'm in those groups.

Agent F. Mulder
X-Files Section Supervisor



"You expect them to buy this?"

"No, but I still have some GIFs to download..."

"Just keep me out of this, Mulder... Mulder?"



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
From: M. Artur
Computer Information Division
Re: Use of Computer Time and Access

It has come to our attention that your use of the FBI internal
computer system as well has extended to external access to various
alt. groups that are not within your section's research area. I refer
to twelve hours a week on alt.sex.binaries; ten hours a week on
alt.sex.bondage and two hours a week in alt.barney.die.die.die., among
others. Can you explain this use of our resources? I have already
discussed this with your partner...



"You logged me into those groups to get more time?"

"Well, I didn't give out your email address..."

"I'll give you my new address -- scully@mulder.ow.ow.ow."

"Stop it Scully, you're getting me excited..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
From: M. Artur
Computer Information Division
Re: Use of Computer Time and Access

We have decided to terminate your access to these groups, at least
until you produce the data you claim to be collecting. Please advise
D. Scully of the suspension of her account as well, including her
access to alt.romance.stories.



"Alt.romance.stories?"

"Ah... I like to pick up some reading material..."

"And you never invited me?"

"From alt.sex.bondage to alt.romance.stories? Mulder, the shock would kill
you."

"Now I'm really interested..."

*******************


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...

Son Of Paperwork
by Sheryl Martin    sheryl_martin@daystorm.com


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: R. McAllister
Computer Repair Division
>From: Agent D. Scully
Re: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465

I am having a problem with my computer. Specifically, I have been
locked out of my files and cannot access them possibly due to a
problem with my password. Can you please correct this and return it as
soon as possible?

Agent D. Scully



"You forgot your password?"

"No, Mulder, I did not forget it. I just can't access the files..."

"You forgot it."

"If I could only forget you so easily..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: R. McAllister
Computer Repair Division
 Re: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465

Agent D. Scully:

After careful examination of your computer we have discovered the
problem lies in a hardware malfunction. May we ask what you've been
doing with this particular laptop? The warranty specifies that you
must not subject it to extreme conditions.

R. McAllister
Computer Repair Division



"Extreme conditions? Are they serious?"

"Well, having it with you in the bathtub might count as extreme..."

"And how do you know I take it into the bathtub... ah... I mean..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: R. McAllister
Computer Repair Division
>From: Agent D. Scully
Re: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465

Look, I have in no way voided any warranty on this machine. All I need
to know is why I can't get into my files. If you have to change my
password, then do it. Just get this machine back to me now!

Agent D. Scully


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent D. Scully
>From: R. McAllister
Computer Repair Division
Re: Repair of Laptop Computer ID# 922539465

Agent D. Scully:

We have finally located the problem. It seems a cup of coffee was
spilt over the keyboard and into the drive at some point, then an
inefficient cleaning job was attempted. This shorted out only part of
your system, and we will have it back to you in a day. Of course, we
will have to charge you for the repair, as it is obviously a case of
simple sloppiness and not a legitimate breakdown.


"Mulder..."

"Ah... did I forget to mention that I had an bit of an accident at
your desk the other day..."

"You're about to have another accident..."

*******************************

All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter.
No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...


X-Tra Paperwork
by Sheryl Martin    sheryl_martin@daystorm.com



"You're not actually going to try this..."

"Hey, you know me Scully, I'll try anything once."

"That's what I'm afraid of..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: K. Hosstler
Finance Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246

Please find enclosed two receipts for research materials necessary for
my section. Reimbursement as soon as possible would be appreciated, as
I am rather short of funds.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: K. Hosstler
Finance Division
Re: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246

These receipts are from two magazines, Celebrity Skin and The Adult
Video News. Please explain how this could possibly relate to your
work.

K. Hosstler
Finance Division



"Anatomy is anatomy, right?"

"Mulder, my medical magazines don't have pink pompoms..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: K. Hosstler
Finance Division
>From: Agent F. Mulder
Re: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246

The aforementioned magazines are useful in determining human
behaviour, and thereful useful in my keeping up with the latest
developments in the field of psychology, in the same way that Agent D.
Scully's medical journals help her stay aware of the latest medical
innovations.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor



"How did I get into this?"

"Well, I needed an example..."

"Good. I need an example to practise my newest autopsy techniques on..."



INTERNAL MEMO:

To: Agent F. Mulder
>From: K. Hosstler
Finance Division
Re: Expense Reimbursement Vouchers R-726647, R-977246

Agent F. Mulder:

Upon careful consideration of your report, we have decided not to
approve it.  But to be fair, we have also decided to refuse Agent D.
Scully's previous claim for her medical journals. Please inform her
that the amount will be deducted from her next paycheck.

K. Hosstler
Finance Division


"Mulder..."

"Scully..."

"I'll give you a ten second start..."

*******************************


From Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org Sat Sep 21 18:41:15 1996
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>From: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org (Sheryl Martin)
Reply-To: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org
To: kelsy@ro.com
Subject: Target-Paperwork
Date: 21 Sep 1996 23:41:15 GMT
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All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No
infringement intended on any part... go ahead, take me to court...
I'm using the insanity defence... heh, heh, heh...

Comments, complaints and just plain talk to sheryl_martin@tvo.org 


Target: Paperwork
by Sheryl Martin


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: Winston J. Regart
Firearms Division
Re: Firearm usage in the field.

Agent F. Mulder:

It can come to my attention that you and Agent Dana Scully have been using
weapons other than the ones officially assigned to you by the Bureau.
Witnesses have observed you carrying Glocks, Walther PPKs and Sig Sauers; to
name a few. Please elaborate on what exactly you are using in the field and
why you are not following current regulations.

Winston J. Regart
Firearms Division


"What is this, Mulder?"

"Well, obviously someone thinks that we're using illegal handguns."

"Of course you wouldn't have any unregistered weapons that the Bureau doesn't
know about, Mulder."

"Of course, Scully."

"That you'd tell me about."

"Of course, Scully."


To: Winston J. Regart
Firearms Division
From: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
Re: Firearm usage in the field.

Agent Scully and I have always used the properly assigned weapons issued to
us by the Bureau. Honest. We have always informed the proper people and
filled out the paperwork if we have upgraded our firearms or, perchance, have
lost the weapon due to some accident. Any other reports are erroneous and you
should just ignore them.

Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor


"What do you mean, if we lost our pistols?"

"It can happen, Scully."

"To you, yes. I've been thinking of getting your hand Velcroed to keep the
gun there."

"Only if you wear a thick woolly suit..."


To: Agent F. Mulder
X Files Section Supervisor
From: Winston J. Regart
Firearms Division
Re: Firearm usage in the field.

While I realise that both you and Agent Scully are active in the field and do
enter into somewhat dangerous and strange circumstances, I must again remind
you that we have verified accounts of you using weapons other than the ones
officially registered to you. Please cease and desist immediately from using
any such items for official business. Also, please do not keep asking for
extra supplies (eg. bullets) for various models that you supposedly don't
have in your possession.

Winston J. Regart
Firearms Division 


"Now they've got a problem with the bullets."

"Well, Mulder... I've heard rumours about those dumdums you use..."

"Oh, really? And what did you tell them?"

"That I always thought you carried blanks."

*************

"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that
fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and
heartbeats."
Richard Bach -- "Illusions"

"Heart of a warrior; mind of a fool... soul of a romantic." - Jackie St.
George
"I am a brother to dragons and a companion to owls..." - The Book of Job.

The Dragon, LGW #21, Eden Agent, The Troupe, Faultliner, XF Romantic, PFSCM
#6, Wildebeeste Hunter, EXMC, M&S... 
******************************************************

"Scully, what are you wearing?" - Fox Mulder