From: "Caroline L S" <majikthize@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, 04 Aug 2002 17:16:07 +0100
Subject: Title: Paradox  By: Carrie-Leanne
Source: direct

Title: Paradox

By: Carrie-Leanne

Category: UST, MSR (sort of) Story, Angst

Summary: Mulder suffers a time travel accident which could change the
course of the future for him and Scully. Will he mess things up or can
he put them right?

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Can we assume for a moment that I've disclaimed? Okay so
if you'd just like to go sue yourselves CC & co just to be sure
there's no repercussions for me ;-)

Spoilers: None except a blink and you miss it reference to Fire. It is
set around mid/late season 7 so before things got complicated and er,
well complicated. Anyway I don't worry about dates and timings and
stuff, nobody else will notice if I screw up the timeline will they?
;-)

Thanks To: All the usual suspects; Laine, eleanor (with a little e)
and Grace for reading and feedback. To Stephanie for the stalking and
nagging me to write more. And mostly to Liz for being my very first
beta reader despite being a very busy bee.
Particular thanks to Microsoft XP's wonderful "auto-random-delete-
your-programmes" feature <Insert sarcasm smiley here>, without which
I wouldn't have lost this entire story and had to retype from one
very scrappy hardcopy. Therefore I might have got it posted about 6
months earlier when I actually wrote it.

Authors Notes: At the end

Please send feedback: Majikthize@hotmail.com


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hereafter in a better world than this I shall desire more love and
knowledge of you." ~William Shakespeare: As You Like It.

PARADOX
-------

Prologue (Tuesday 13th April 1982)
---------------------------------

Mulder stood at the edge of the grassy quadrant, shadowed from the
noonday sun by the building behind him.
Hardly anyone crossing the square noticed the thoughtful stranger,
who watched the ebb and flow of students going about their business.
The place was alive, fresh and youthful, filled with people barely
beginning the great journey of adulthood.
Presently he spotted her. Not that he'd been looking for her, he told
himself, but her bright hair was unmistakable and so familiar. Of
course she was much younger now, even more than when he had first met
her. He watched as she laughed lightly at a comment her walking
companion made, and he felt a pang of regret that she should ever
have cause to lose the simple, yet elegant, innocence of youth.
A small wistful smile played on his lips as an idea took him. He knew
it was a dumb thing to do, but it would be such a brief encounter and
she wouldn't remember it.
Almost without thinking he pushed himself away from the cool shade of
the building to approach her, hurrying to catch up as her quick
stride brought her to opposite edge. He had barely left the shadow of
the building when a sharp crack resounded around the square. He felt
something hit him in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Another
crack, this time he recognised as a gunshot and another thud, higher
this time, catching his throat. Sharp, blossoming pain spread out
from his chest and neck, he stumbled onto his knees, bringing his
hands to staunch the sudden flow of blood. Falling to his side, the
world took on a dizzying angle. People were running everywhere, some
running away, some cowering and crying, some even running towards
him. Life oozed from him, and he panicked as he realised that he
could no longer breathe. His senses suddenly became so much more
acute. In the melee, he could hear individual voices, footsteps.
Whiteness descended on him, as the sun glared in his eyes. A dark
shadow crossed his vision, as a familiar face, his own face blocked
out the sun. His eyes widened in shock as he saw his own self leaning
over him. Suddenly, understanding came upon him, as he recognised his
own actions, and the implications of them. He tried to speak, to
reassure that he had done the right thing, but all that happened was
a gurgle of blood spurting between fingers clutched at his shredded
throat. The version of himself that leaned over him looked incredibly
sad, and whispered, "I'm sorry."


Before (After) (Saturday March 18th 2000)
---------------------------------------

Saturday. A day of rest, for most normal human beings. For most
people rest involved settling down and watching some sport (maybe
playing a little if the person was inclined). Maybe a little
therapeutic shopping, followed up by a relaxing evening socialising
or just enjoying ones own company.
Relaxing definitely did not include spending a whole day cooped up in
a small cramped office arguing heatedly but good naturedly with a
university professor.
Unless of course you were Fox Mulder.
Mulder had met Conlin through Scully. He had taught her physics at
university. Some time ago they had a case that had needed some
expertise in this area and thus Mulder was introduced to Jerry Conlin
and it was the start of an unusual friendship.
Conlin had been telling Mulder about an experiment with molecular
transportation he wanted to try. Mulder, having nothing better to do
with his Saturday afternoon, agreed to come and help document the
experiments success or failure.
"So what is it we're doing here?" he asked Conlin, fiddling with the
camcorder he'd borrowed that morning from Frohike.
Conlin looked up from the experiment. "Uh, well I, as you may know it
is impossible to determine both the location and the speed of an
electron in an atom at the same time. You either know one or the
other. If you know the speed, you cannot determine its location in
the atom."
Mulder nodded, not really understanding as much as he made out. He
wished Scully were there. She was the physicist, and understood these
things far better than he. She'd also told him she had better things
to do on a Saturday than sit in a dusty science lab at her old
university.
"Well, for my senior thesis, I suggested a theoretical experiment
that, if we could figure out how to get it to work, we would be able
to see both variables together. The experiment involved making the
atom jump from one position to another rapidly. The observer would
see it rapidly wobble between the two vacuums. The wobble would
produce a reading that would fluctuate enough to read every variable
about that atom."
"Gee. That sounds exciting." Mulder said, deadpan as he flicked the
camera on and began randomly filming around the room.
"Hmm, well you don't have any appreciation of the finer arts of
physics do you? Many scientists have theorised that if we knew both
variables, a lot of the secrets about the way the universe actually
worked would be unlocked. We might be able to harness that knowledge
to create perpetual cheap renewable energy, to travel through space-
time."
"Ooh, beam me up, Scotty." Mulder quipped, and smiled sarcastically
at the professor before growing serious again. "Okay, let's do it."
Conlin began the experiment. Mulder zoomed his camcorder around the
room playfully, giving the home movie a gritty reality feel, or so he
told himself.
"Hey, keep the camera on the important stuff, will ya?" Conlin called
out from his position hunched over a computer display hooked up to
the experiment.
Nothing seemed to be happening. In fact nothing happened for a good
fifteen minutes and Mulder grew bored and restless.
Then something happened.
"Uh, Mulder, could you just turn that dial there, up to eleven
please, then let me know if the temperature changes."
Mulder lowered the camera a fraction and reached for the dial. His
fingers made contact with the smooth plastic.
There was a jolt.
He felt intense pain course through his fingers, up his arm and
penetrate the length of his spine. The pain hit his head, exploded in
white hot agony and he blacked out.


Past Present
------------

When Mulder opened his eyes again, he got the distinct impression
that something was very wrong. A sharp, stabbing pain shot though his
head, and travelled through every nerve. He closed his eyes again
quickly.
Everything ached, his head worse than the rest.
It took him a moment to realise he was lying on the cold, hard floor
in professor Conlin's office.
And it was dark. Well, not dark, but it certainly wasn't the bright,
sunny, early afternoon that he remembered. He figured he must have
lain there a while, and then wondered why nobody had come to his aid
when he passed out. Come to think of it why had he passed out? He
opened his eyes again tentatively, and the pain seemed to have
lessened slightly. He groaned anyway for effect and began to hoist
himself off the floor.
"I was wondering when you'd come to." A familiar voice asked from
behind him.
"Jerry! What the hell happened?" Mulder struggled to sit up, and
twisted to see Conlin seated on the couch. Something felt very odd
about this but he couldn't figure out what.
"Well, that's the question. I think this holds the answers." Conlin
held up the camcorder Mulder must have dropped when he passed out.
"Uh." Mulder pulled himself upright testing his head and was assuaged
with an unpleasant wave of dizziness and nausea. He tentatively
stood. "Last thing I remember is...actually I don't remember. What
time is it?"
Conlin stood and held the camcorder out to Mulder. "Perhaps the real
question is: What date is it?"
"Huh?" Then it struck Mulder what was so odd about this situation. It
was Conlin.
He had more hair. It wasn't as grey.
He was younger!
"Oh shit." Mulder cursed, as it dawned on him what might have
happened. "Tell me this isn't what I think it is."
Conlin shrugged and approached his desk, pulling out a bottle of
whisky and a couple of small glasses. He poured them both a drink and
motioned for Mulder to sit down.
"I was working out in the lab, when I heard this almighty crash. I
ran in and here you were. After I'd checked you were quite alive, and
I wasn't in any danger, I spotted this thing in your hand. I fiddled
with it for a bit and figured out what it was. I played the tape and
then I went through your pockets and found out who you were and, I
put two and two together and here we are."
Mulder swallowed the whisky whole, grimacing at the burning it left
in his throat, but grateful for the reinvigoration it brought to his
aching limbs. "And where exactly is here?" He asked, as a sinking
feeling crept over him.
"April 12th, nineteen eighty two." Conlin offered matter of factly.
Mulder stood in shock. "What? Nineteen eighty two? Oh shit!"
"Yeah, I think you said that already."
He stared wide eyed at Conlin. "How?"
Conlin shrugged. Well, you know that experiment I was trying out?" He
gestured to the camcorder.
"Yeah?"
"I theorised that, if we could produce this effect with a larger
multi-molecular object, such as the human body, then we could use
this to transport matter in both space and time."
"Uh huh. No kidding."
"Of course it was only theoretical. I had no idea it would actually
work."
Mulder shook his head and sighed as the shock of what was happening
wore off. "Just my luck. I get stuck in a real life version of
Quantum Leap."
Conlin looked puzzled "No, a quantum leap is the jump that..."
"Forget it Conlin. It's a TV show that hasn't even been made yet.
Just...forget it."
Conlin nodded.
"Okay then." Mulder picked up the camcorder. "So now that we've had a
chance to meet up eighteen years before we should have, nice to meet
you, how about you get me back where I belong?"
Conlin looked down and then shuffled his feet nervously, as he stared
at them.
"What?" Mulder asked, picking up on his discomfort.
"Um, well it's just that, I don't really know how or what happened."
Mulder shook his head not understanding. "So what, so you screwed up
an experiment. Unscrew it."
Conlin sighed. "It's not that easy."
"Seemed easy enough to get me here."
"But I don't know how I did it. It could take weeks for me to figure
it out, years even."
"What do you mean years? I have a life I'd like to get back to!"
Mulder's voice rose a pitch in panic.
Conlin just shook his head. "Well, let me put it another way. I never
tried this experiment when I first theorised it, because I could
never work out all the variables. I've been working on it on and off
for years. By the looks of it, I probably wouldn't have figured it
out before I tried it in the year two-thousand."
"So you're saying I'm stuck here until then?"
"No, not necessarily. Now that I know I can make it work, I'll be
more determined to make it work sooner. You being here has given me
the push I need to figure it out."
Mulder nodded. The horrible sinking sensation he'd been feeling was
wearing off a little. So he was stuck a few weeks, at worst that he'd
get to laugh at early episodes of Fame.
"But, and here's the interesting bit." Conlin broke into his
thoughts. "How did we meet?"
"You had a student, Dana Scully. She's my partner." Mulder answered
not understanding the relevance.
"Dana, yeah she's in my freshman class. Bright girl. But anyway, the
point I'm making is, what year did we first meet?"
"About eighteen months ago, October ninety-eight. Why?" Mulder was
confused and rapidly losing the plot.
"You see, this means that well before I even knew you, for instance
now, I will have already tried it and made it work."
Mulder nodded finally getting where this was leading "And if you had,
you'd never have tried it with me there to witness it in two-
thousand, and therefore won't have ever got me into this mess."
"And then, you'd never have travelled back to this time to be able to
tell me about it."
"And therefore, you probably won't try it until two-thousand at all,
so I'll still get sent back here."
"And then I'll know that I can do it and try it and maybe make it
work so I try it well before two-thousand..."
"Jesus, it's enough to give you a headache!"
"Yeah!" Conlin had an animated glint in his eye. Clearly, this was
his idea of excitement. "Oh boy, am I gonna have a paper to write on
this! Whatever else happens, you gotta look me up when you get back
where you're from."
Mulder smiled without humour. "Well maybe you could work on that a
bit."
"Huh? Oh yeah, oh, I don't even know...never mind."
Mulder caught him and called him on it. "You don't know what? You
don't know if you can do it do you?"
Conlin grew serious. "...No. I don't even know how we got you here,
but I promise you I'll try and figure it out."
"Yeah, please do, because if I have to live through the Cabbage Patch
Kids craze again, I'll have to shoot the little bastards."

They worked late into the night. Mulder recounted all the details of
the experiment, what had happened and when things had gone wrong. His
excellent memory was able to recall minute details about the day and
circumstances that led him to be here. They reviewed the camcorder
tap and Conlin excitedly scribbled down all the details, occasionally
stopping to do some complicated-looking calculations.
Finally, in the small hours of the morning, Conlin yawned. "It's no
use. I need to sleep on this. I am not going to get it overnight,
although we've made some huge leaps."
Mulder looked crestfallen and angry. "Well, I'll tell you what. I'll
be at home when you've figured it out, so why don't you give me a
call. "He flicked a business card onto the desk and started towards
the door.
"Umm, Mulder? One thing?"
"Yeah?"
"Two things, actually. Firstly, your cell phone? I don't think it
will work." Mulder pulled out his phone and glanced at it. Sure
enough, NO SERVICE sat glaring at him from the screen.
"Aw, crap!"
"And the second thing is home for you is not your home. Not yet,
anyway."
"Shit!" Mulder exclaimed realising Conlin was dead right. "I never
thought of that." The real Fox Mulder in this time was actually
somewhere in England at that moment, probably doing pleasant things
with one of the many charming young English girls who seemed to take
a shine to him back then. Mulder turned to Conlin. "Well...you got me
into this." he shrugged.
"What? Oh, no!" Conlin replied, shaking his head. "You can't stay
with me! What am I supposed to tell my wife?"
"Don't give me a load of bull Colin, you don't have..." Mulder said,
but stopped himself, realising that the Conlin of eighty-two may well
have been married. What if he'd gotten divorced, or she'd died? He
didn't want to give away the past. Future. Whatever, he thought,
rubbing his temples.
"Look, Mulder, I think you should just lay low here, until we can
work this out. I have a pull out couch in there," He pointed to the
inner office. "And I can let you have some cash. This place is locked
up at night but I have keys. Security doesn't come by here much
anyway, and if they catch you, then call me and I'll cover for you.
Mulder sighed and nodded. He didn't really have a lot of choice.



Past Tense
----------

Mulder spent the next morning shopping for necessities. He was, for
once, grateful that he'd been paranoid enough not to completely rely
on electronic funds, and pulled out the seventy dollars he always
kept in his wallet to get something to wear. If he was stuck here for
a while, he might as well have clean clothes and a decent shave.
By the time he got back to the university, it was noon. Students were
starting to filter out of the buildings all over the campus, and make
their way to meet their friends for lunch. Mulder decided it was too
nice a day to sit in a stuffy office all morning, listening to Conlin
droning on next door.
Instead, he stood out in the shade of a building, watching the ebb
and flow of youth before him.
Then he spotted her.
He told himself he hadn't been looking for her, that her bright
copper gold locks caught the sun and singled her out, even amongst
the thronging students. But he knew this wasn't exactly true. Ever
since Conlin had thrown him that curve ball last night by telling him
she was here, now, he'd been subconsciously looking out for her.
She was walking with a companion, a dark haired girl who was talking
animatedly to her. She tipped her head in her companion's direction
laughing at something that had just been said. She didn't notice his
gaze following her.
Then she crossed ten feet in front of him and he saw her retreating
from his view. He noticed her hair. Longer than she wore it in his
time, she let the natural curls form and bounce around her shoulders.
After getting over the initial shock of seeing her, so young and
vibrant he began to wonder what she was like. He knew that the Scully
he first met was a lot different from the serious woman she'd grown
into. He felt a pang of regret that she'd had so much pain in her
life to make her so serious.
Fleetingly it occurred to Mulder that if Conlin couldn't get him back
that would all change. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he
got stuck here. He could make a big difference to their lives; maybe
he could make sure things turn out better than they had. He knew what
was going to happen; he could use that knowledge in so many positive
ways.
Subconsciously he pushed himself away from the shade of the building
and strode quickly towards her, not intending to catch up with her
but hurrying to do just that anyway.

"Dana Scully?" He called and held a breath.
She stopped and turned to look at him. Her eyes still danced with
mirth and she bore no hint of recognition.
"Yes?" She asked. He walking companion touched her arm briefly
reclaiming her attention before walking off.
Mulder felt his mouth go dry. He hadn't planned this. What now?
"Hi." He settled for and held out his hand. She took it tentatively.
"Do I know you?"
"No! Yes, actually. Well not yet but...it's complicated."
"O-kay" She threw him a quirky smile as if to say 'okay I'll humour
him'.
"Oh, Fox Mulder." He offered at last.
"Fox? That's a name?"
He cringed, and she immediately apologised. "I'm sorry, not nice."
He shrugged dismissively. She shot him another tentative smile that
he found himself instantly warming to.
"So?" She prompted.
"So? Oh. So I'm a friend of Professor Conlin."
"And...How is it you know who I am...?"
"Hah. Well, I guess I don't."
She raised an eyebrow at him in a so familiar gesture, and he
immediately smiled in response. So the eighteen year old Dana Scully
wasn't taking any of his crap either. Somehow, it was a reassuring
thought.
"How about I buy you lunch and I can explain." He offered.
"How do I know you're not a mass murderer then?"
"Well you'll just have to trust me." He replied.
She studied his face for a moment before nodding slightly in
agreement.

They sat in the diner across the street. They had ordered and were
eating in silence. Mulder intermittently studied her and nibbled his
food disinterestedly. Every now and again, she looked up from her
plate and caught his stare a fraction of a second before; he
remembered his manners and averted his gaze.
He couldn't help but compare this young creature with the woman he
knew. While she was pretty, he decided she'd definitely got better
looking as she'd got older. He preferred his Scully, crazy though it
sounded to him.

All this while, Dana Scully had been doing her fair share of studying
him. There was something a little commanding about him. Some casual
arrogance, some ease he seemed to have with himself, as if supremely
confident. And he seemed just a little too familiar with her, as if
he knew her somehow, and she was waiting for him to tell her how.
"I'm sorry, have we met before?" He looked up from his plate.
"No. Well, not yet, anyway." His eyes returned downwards.
'What was it about him?' She wondered. There was just something
intriguing about him. She was fascinated, and wanted to know more.
The silence stretched out as they finished their food and were served
their drinks.
"So." She said at last. "Cat got your tongue?"
"Hmm? Oh, no. Just thinking."
"About?"
"I was thinking that...ah, never mind."
"No, tell me. You bought me lunch and for that I'm giving you my
undivided attention for at least another three minutes." She smiled
at him.
"Okay. I was thinking you're beautiful, and I've never had the guts
to tell you that before."
She spluttered over her drink.
"I'm sorry." He instantly regretted causing her embarrassment. Why
the hell had he said that?
"No, no, that's ok. I just wasn't quite expecting that. Thank you."
"You don't mince your words do you?" She asked.
"No, I guess not." He allowed a smile to play over his lips.
They shared an awkward moment of silence before she broke it with a
question she'd been wondering about since she met him.
"So you said you're a friend of Professor Conlin then?"
"Yes." He replied and offered no more.
Okay. Dana Scully was getting confused now. So a complete stranger,
albeit a handsome and enigmatic stranger had offered to buy her
lunch, so he could...what? Not talk to her?
"Did he tell you how to find me?" She probed.
"Huh? No. I just spotted you and thought we could talk."
She was getting tired of this game he seemed to be playing.
"Okay. I like a good mystery as much as anyone, but I'd like a
straight answer please. How did you know who I was then?"
He looked up again and laughed lightly. "Are you ready to hear this?"
She smiled and nodded.
"Well, you and I will know each other one day, and as I'm stuck here
for a while, or possibly longer, I thought I might as well see what
you were like when you were younger."
"...Huh?" now she was totally lost.
He sighed and decided to come clean. She probably wouldn't believe it
anyway, but what's new? "Professor Conlin was conducting an
experiment. Somehow, something went wrong, and I ended up eighteen
years in the past."
"...What?"
"I've travelled through time."
She actually laughed out loud at this.
"Why did I expect anything different?" Mulder mumbled.
"I'm sorry." She said as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
"I like you. You're weird."
"Thank you...I think." He responded, not really sure what to make of
her reaction.
"So, seriously. How do you know me, and why have you just bought me
lunch?"
He shook his head. Not much point trying to explain. She wouldn't
believe him. "It doesn't matter how I know you. And why I bought you
lunch? Because...because I'd like to get to know you better."
She looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge his reasoning. He
seemed harmless enough, if a little odd. He wasn't conventionally
attractive, but he had a nice smile and lovely soulful eyes. And
dammit he had something about him she could not quite put her finger
on, but she liked a lot.
"Well that's nice, but right now, I have to get back to class."
He nodded. "So can we have lunch again tomorrow?"
"Are you buying?" She smiled.
"Of course."
"And?"
"And?"
"And we actually exchange more than three sentences this time."
"Agreed." He smiled. She nodded and rose, leaving him to finish his
coffee alone.



Stranded
---------

Conlin broke the bad news to Mulder on the third evening. "I've
checked and rechecked it."
Mulder strode the length of the office, unable to process what Conlin
was telling him. "Then check again." He almost shouted.
"Accept it, Agent Mulder. I can't get you back. I just simply don't
have the technology."
"Then get it."
"The only people who have that kind of technology now is the
Government, maybe, and that's just speculation."
"Oh, it exists. You bet it does, and I'll find a way to get it for
you."
Conlin shook his head. "Mulder, even if you did, if you could, I
simply don't know what bought you here. Something you touched, the
clothes you were wearing, the chemicals in your shampoo, any one of
these could have been a factor. Even if I had the power source
readily available, there is absolutely no guarantee I'd even come
close to making it work."
"Aw, Conlin. I have a life. Not much of one, it's true, but it's one
I'm very anxious to get back to."
Conlin sighed. "Well, I think that's the point here Mulder. I think
you have to accept that whatever life you had, is gone. You're stuck
here, so you might as well make the most of it."
Mulder stared in shock and sorrow. How the hell did he get into this
mess?
"Cheer up Mulder. The eighties aren't so bad. We're a pretty
optimistic bunch."
Mulder shot him a look. "Jerry, when you're stranded eighteen years
from your life, in a living primary coloured and legwarmer clad hell,
and all you've got to look forward to is TJ Hooker that, by the way,
had only one redeeming factor and it wasn't William Shatner, then you
can tell me to cheer the hell up."
Conlin had the grace to look embarrassed. "Look Mulder, I'm sorry.
Hell, you think I wanted this to happen? Just know I won't give up.
If there is a way, I'll find it."



Accepting The Present
---------------------

Mulder woke and stretched out on the tiny couch in Conlin's office.
He felt the bones in his back crack, as they clicked back out from
their hunched position. He'd have to find an apartment and soon, he
thought.
After the initial shock of discovering he was most likely stranded in
the nineteen eighties for good, (or at least another eight years when
they turned into the nineties) he'd managed to settle into something
approaching a routine. For the first three weeks, he'd been
miserable. Conlin had tried and tried to find some way to replicate
what had happened, but the simple truth was, that it was impossible
to cram eighteen years of research and development into a short space
of time. After a month, and much pressing from Mulder, Conlin
admitted he might make a breakthrough in six or seven years.
Mulder gave up. There wasn't much point. After being missing for
seven years he'd have been declared dead anyway. He wondered if
Scully was worried about him. Was she looking for him? Stupid. Of
course she was looking for him. The real question was when would she
give up and move on? Thoughts of Scully brought him back to the
past/now/present day version. Whatever, he thought scratching his
head.
After his self enforced isolation period, Mulder had ventured out
into the world again, only to bump into the first person he'd met,
Dana Scully.

"Oh, Hi. It's you again. I've seen you around, and I wondered what
you were up to."
Mulder smiled wryly. "Oh, just killing time, I guess."
"Are you okay? You seem a little down." she frowned.
"Yeah, I'm ok. I just have some stuff I have to deal with. Actually,
I've dealt with it, I think." He smiled at her, and for the first
time, decided that the nineteen eighties might not be so bad after
all.
"Say, you doing anything for lunch?"
"Well, I've been waiting almost a month for you to ask again. I still
have questions you know."
He shrugged. "Well, I guess I owe you a few answers."
He kept the lunch arrangement the following day. Despite his promise
to tell her about himself he managed to evade telling her anything
personal, while displaying an eerie familiarity with her which she
found she was strangely at ease with.

That evening, Mulder approached Conlin. "Uh, Jerry I've been giving
this some thought."
"Uh huh?" Conlin didn't look up from the papers he was marking.
"I figure I'm stuck here right, so I need to earn some money and get
a place to live, to make some sort of life."
Conlin glanced up. "Now you're getting it." He shrugged. "Get a job.
With your skills and intelligence, you're bound to find something."
"Well, it's a little difficult when I don't officially exist. Or to
be more accurate, do exist, but not quite here and now."
Conlin stopped what he was doing and gave Mulder his full attention.
"Good point."
"So, what I was thinking is, you could help me out."
Conlin nodded thoughtfully. "I'll see what I can do."
Conlin managed to get him a part time job on the university staff as
his assistant. This earnt him enough to feed himself, and he slept in
the office on campus to save money. He decided that once he had
managed to find an apartment, he'd set himself up as a private
detective. Seemed like the thing he was most qualified to do. He
battled with his conscience a little, and decided to invest a little
money in some stocks and shares; some he knew would turn out good in
the future. Well, if he was going to have to relive this whole thing,
he was damn well going to do it in style.

Then another problem presented itself.
Dana Scully.
He'd been here a while now, and had managed several more lunch dates
with her. It was obvious to him that there was chemistry between
them. Odd that he'd never really noticed it with his Scully. Well, if
he was honest, he'd have noticed it with her, but the moment was
never right for them. If he was truthful, he always harboured a small
wish that one day, everything would be just right and they would...be
together.
With this Scully, things were different. She was different.  She
seemed warmer to his overtures. Not that he'd said and done anything
more or less than he'd ever with Scully, but her responses were,
well, he was pretty good at reading body language and she definitely
had an available sign up just for him. He never realised she had a
flirty side. Probably a good thing she never brought it out to play
when they were working together or who knows what might have
happened.
The dilemma was this. He liked her, he really did. He found her very
attractive, and there was no doubt she aroused him. But he wasn't
sure if it was her, or the her she would become. He mentally kicked
himself. She'd probably never become entirely that person now. He was
stuck here which means that she would never meet him in her future,
and that meant a lot of bad things were going to not happen to her.
That had to be good, right? It also meant that, if he had any chance
at all to be with her, it was now or never.

What to do about it?
One Saturday, he decided to take the bull by the horns. He arranged
to borrow Conlin's car, and invited Dana for a leisurely drive up
state, to some old childhood haunts of his.
When Mulder strode out to the car, he was pleasantly surprised to
find Dana already there, waiting out front of the university with a
large picnic basket. "Yeah, I thought we could stop half way." She
said, slightly unsure.
Mulder lifted the lid and smelt roast chicken, amongst the other
delicious aromas. "Mmmm. You made it all yourself?"
"I had help from my sister and my mom." She admitted with a blush.
"Oh, and did they know you were meeting a man for lunch?"
"No. They think I'm meeting a boy, and you're definitely not a boy."
Mulder paused, yep, that was a green light if ever he saw one.
"Do I have to prove that later?" He quipped.
She licked her lips and shot him a coy look. "Oh, only if you want to
keep me in confessional material for a couple of years."
Whoo boy! Well, one thing he'd learnt is that when Dana Scully wanted
something, she damn well let you know. A sudden fear hit him that
this might be moving a little too fast for him.
"Scully I..."
"Scully?! Aw, come on! I might be a navy brat but please!"
He shook his head, "Sorry, Dana, Dana."
"That's better. Now where are we going again?"
Mulder gave her a sly wink. "Ah, that's a surprise."
They drove up the coast for a few hours. A leisurely drive, taking in
the scenery. Mulder pointed out a few spots here and there he'd
visited, and offered some trivial information about the area.
Dana was fascinated, particularly when he pointed to one spot and
told her it was a UFO hot spot.
"Aw, come on. You don't believe all that crap, do you?"
Mulder shrugged. "Well, you know I like to keep an open mind. It
might pay you to do the same."
"I've been doing that all day." She smiled back to him.
At two o'clock, they stopped to sample the picnic. They spread it out
on a grassy verge, just off a secluded road.
"Hmm, Mulder?" She mumbled around a half eaten sandwich.
"Yeah?" He propped himself up from his reclined position on one
elbow.
"What's so bad about Fox that you don't like being called it?"
He shrugged. "Try it on a ten year old and you'll soon find out."
"Ah." She nodded understanding. "So does everyone call you Mulder?"
"No, not everyone. My parents called me Fox."
"Anyone else allowed the privilege?"
"Hmm. No, except a few girlfriends and guys bigger than me."
"Girlfriends?"
"Yeah, you know. When a man and a woman like each other, they sort
of..."
"Ha ha. What I meant was have you had many?"
"Well, not really, no. I tend to be choosy, or they do. I haven't
figured out which way round it is yet."
"Oh, I think it must be you who's the choosy one; I can't see many
women turning you down."
"Really? So, are you saying that, well, hypothetically speaking of
course, say you wouldn't?" He winked at her.
She raised any eyebrow. "Hypothetically speaking of course no, I
wouldn't. Turn you down that is." She paused before adding with a
wicked grin; "So long as you let me call you Fox."
"No! Absolutely not!" He sat up laughing.
"Pht! You're stubborn, aren't you?"
He sighed. "It just sounds so wrong coming from you. You never call
me Fox, ever."
She shot him a curious look "See, there you go again. Alluding to
knowing me."
"I do know you." He stated matter of fact, biting into one of her
sandwiches.
"Really?" She observed him. "Have we met before? I think I'd remember
knowing someone like you."
Something about the way she said it made him look up to her face.
There was a look of curiosity mingled with interest.
"Well, you know, one day you will know me better than anyone." He
whispered, leaning in to her.
"Is that a promise?" She responded, not pulling away.
"Yeah." He murmured as his lips descended towards hers.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head up eager to meet his lips
with her, but at the last minute he turned aside and placed a chaste
kiss on her cheek. "But not yet." He whispered and she giggled in
response.

So they met again, and again and finally, he plucked up enough
courage to invite her out on a proper date.
Mulder stood out the front of the university, waiting for Dana to
arrive.
When she approached him, he was fiddling with something small.
"What you doing?"
"Oh! Nothing." He hurriedly pushed the object inside his jacket and
stood up. "You look nice." He offered, as much to distract her than
as a genuine compliment.
"No, come on, I wanna see." She protested, and made a grab for his
pocket.
He made a playful bat at her hand but she'd already reached inside
and grabbed it, pulling out his cell phone and studying it with awe.
"What's this?" She asked.
"It's a cell phone." He replied honestly.
"A what?"
"A portable phone."
"It's not! It's too small. Where's the battery?"
Mulder smiled. "Inside." He grabbed the phone back from her, and
flipped the case open to reveal the tiny battery.
"Wow! I had no idea they made these things this small!"
"They don't. Or at least they won't for about another fifteen years
at least." He responded.
She shot him a look. "You're not gonna tell me you bought it from the
future, are you? I thought we'd cured you of that little fantasy
months ago."
He smiled at the teasing she seemed to enjoy. "Yes, as a matter of
fact I did."
"Yeah, right, and I'm the next pope." She responded cynically.
"Seriously though, where did you get one so small?"
He just looked at her.
She raised an eyebrow.
"Well, you don't believe me and I'm not gonna lie to you."
"Come on, Mulder."
"Hey, we better go, or we'll miss the movie." He swiftly changed the
subject.

They went to see The Thing. Scully found the movie scary. Mulder's
only comment was: "If I hadn't seen it a dozen times already, I would
have been shocked and scared witless. In fact, I think I was, when I
first saw it."
"Talk about exaggerating!"
"What?"
"It only came out last week. There's no way you've seen it a dozen
times."
"It came out eighteen years ago, where I'm from. Mind you, it's still
a classic."
"Mulder cut the crap will you? This 'I'm From The Future' thing is
getting a bit boring, you know."
"But..." Mulder stopped himself, and shook his head. "I'm not even
gonna argue with you. You don't believe me, and I know how stubborn
you are."
She sent him an odd look. "And how do you know that, I wonder?"
"What?"
"How is it you seem to know me so well? It's been driving me crazy,
wondering about it."
"Scully..."
"And there you go again, using my surname. I wish you wouldn't do
that!"
"I'm sorry, but I...I guess I'll always think of you as
just...Scully. Dana doesn't seem right."
She thought about this for a moment. "Visitor from the future, huh?"
she asked seriously.
He nodded.
"Okay, I'm seriously listening to you now. Prove it."
He bit his lip before deciding how to proceed. "Okay. Firstly, look
at this." He lifted out his cell phone and switched it on. Accessing
the phone book and explaining to her what he was doing, he called up
her name and showed her.
"Okay." She responded. "All that proves is that you've got someone
with the same name as me programmed into your phone. So are you
saying if we call that number I could speak to myself?"
He shook his head. "Not likely. The damn thing doesn't seem to work
yet."
She nodded. "So what else? Is that your proof?"
"No." He pulled out his drivers' license and showed her that. She
studied it with a raised eyebrow, "Date of birth: nineteen sixty one?
Is this a joke?"
"No, that is when I was born. I was twenty one in '82. I know I keep
myself in shape, but even I'm fooling myself into thinking I could
pass for a man in his twenties."
"So, how old are you then, really?" She swiftly changed the subject.
"I'm thirty eight. I'll be thirty nine in... Aw hell, how long have I
been here?"
"I first met you about three months ago."
Mulder paused. Had he been here that long already?
"Anyway, it's a fake." She stated flatly.
"Huh?"
"The licence."
"Why? Why would I fake it? Why would I lie about this? What do I have
to say to make you believe me?"
"I don't. I won't. I can't believe that!"
He grabbed her shoulders and spun her to face him. "When you finish
university, you plan to be a doctor. Your sister Melissa is into all
that new age crap. You have two brothers. One is in the Navy. Or at
least will be. Your mom and dad live in Baltimore; he's a navy
captain and adores you. He calls you Starbuck and you call him
Ahab..."
"Okay! All that proves is that you're one of those rare breeds on men
that actually pay attention when a girl they want to sleep with is
telling them all the boring stuff."
"I don't want to sleep with you." He blurted out shocked.
"Oh, no? Really? You buy me lunch several times, you take me on
coastal picnics to childhood haunts and you treat me to the type of
movie that's bound to get the girl crawling into your lap half way
through. Well, forgive my dear cynical heart for thinking any
different." She retorted, with a flash of the Scully that she could
become.
"No! Well, it's not like that." He spluttered.
She quirked another eyebrow at him. "Oh, silly me, and I thought
there was only one way of sleeping with someone."
He laughed. "Dana, you have no idea do you?"
"Well, perhaps it's time you gave me an idea."
He looked at her defiant blue eyes, daring him to do what he most
wanted.
"I want you so much, it hurts." He replied, surprised by his own
honesty.
He held her gaze for a long moment and then leaned in and literally
swept her up into his arms, crushing her mouth to his.
After a long moment in an intense embrace, their kiss softened, and
he allowed his tongue to part her rapidly softening lips. She
groaned, and he pulled away, burying his head into her hair.
A sudden pang of conscience hit him. She was eighteen years old and
barely an adult. What he wanted he wanted for life. What he wanted
was his Scully. He pulled away sharply. "I can't do this. I'm sorry.
I can't." He gave her a look of sadness and regret, and strode away,
leaving Dana confused and hurt.

He threw himself on the couch in the office. This was crazy. She
wants this, he told himself. Yeah, but she wouldn't if you hadn't
made her want it, he told himself. He closed his eyes. What to do. He
knew what his body was telling him to do, but his heart was tortured.
Sure he wanted her, but he wanted her to be his Scully, not this
young, carefree spirit on the cusp of adulthood. For all her youth
and promise, he wanted the older, wiser, and yes, more cynical woman
he'd come to love over the years. Love, he acknowledged miserably,
that would most likely never be consummated now.
As he battled inner demons, a subtle noise interrupted his thoughts.
He opened his eyes to see Dana, standing there uncertain, the
moonlight throwing patterns across her through the slats in the
blind. "I just wanted to make sure everything was ok." She asked
tentatively.
"Yeah. You should go." He answered his throat inexplicably tight.
"No, actually I think I should stay. I need to know what's going on
here." He sat up and cocked his head to her. She approached and knelt
at his feet.
He sighed. Honesty was the only way. He cupped her head with his
hands. "Dana you have to understand I-I don't...I'm not in this for
some carefree love affair. I'm taking this seriously. And that isn't
fair on you."
She shook her head, her eyes open and confused. "Why? What makes you
think I don't want something more permanent?"
He pulled his hands away and raked them through his hair. "Hah!
Because you're what? Eighteen?"
"What, so it's an age thing, is it? Well, it doesn't bother me. I
mean, it really doesn't. I don't care how many years difference there
are between us. I want this."
He shook his head. "No, it's not an age thing, not strictly, it's
just that there...There is-was, someone I...I cared for very deeply,
and I guess I'm afraid I'm substituting you for her. Well, actually,
I know I am which if you understood at all is really screwed up."
Dana absorbed this in silence, and then eventually spoke. "So this
person. Someone you loved a lot?"
"Ye-es, you could apply that term."
"What happened? Did she hurt you?"
He shook his head. "No."
"I don't understand." She added, not understanding.
"She's gone." He intoned sadly. "She's gone for good now and, and
that's my fault too." He sat back slouched against the cushions and
closed his eyes, realising his last few months here must have changed
their fate irrevocably.
Dana raised herself to sit next to him, and took his hand in hers.
"I am very sorry that you lost some one you loved. But if she really
is gone for good, why shouldn't you find some happiness? You know the
human race strives and strives to be happy and fulfilled, and here
you are having it virtually flung at you, and you don't want it?"
He turned to catch her gaze with his, but said nothing.
"You're not a martyr; you don't have to live in misery."
He shook his head and swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat.
"I've been living in misery for so long, I'm not sure I know how to
do anything else."
"Then let me show you." She offered quietly.
He closed his eyes and fought the guilt that threatened. He was not
going to ruin her life, he was not. But when he opened them she sat
there with her blue gaze scrutinising him with innocent curiosity,
and his resolve crumbled. Softly, he lowered his mouth to hers...


Lousy Timing
------------

They lay there in the darkened office. Mulder seated one leg across
the seat of the couch and one dangling on the floor. Dana lay between
his legs, her head cradled against his chest and one hand toying with
his chest hair. She shivered slightly and Mulder pulled the blanket
off the back of the couch over her.
"Better?" He asked softly.
"Mmm, yeah." She mumbled drowsily.
They lay in comfortable silence, neither willing to speak for fear of
that in doing so they might destroy the mood.
After a while, Mulder shifted slightly, his leg growing numb where
she lay on it. She sat up and looked at him.
"Mulder?"
"Yes?"
"What happens now?"
"Hm? Oh, you'll grow into a beautiful, talented woman and incredibly
successful at anything you decide to do, and I..." He stopped
himself. What would he do? Suddenly the idea of being a private
detective didn't seem too appealing. "Oh, I'll make myself useful
somehow."
She teased him. "Well I think I've got a pretty good use for you
right now."
"Now?" He asked. "Dana Katherine Scully are you insatiable?"
"No, just never had a man do that to me before."
Mulder started. Did she mean...? Surely not!
"Umm Dana, when you said you never had a man who could, erm, what
exactly..."
Dana giggled and twisted her head to look at him. "Oh not like that,
I meant, just, I've never enjoyed it quite as much before."
"Oh, Oh, right." Mulder replied, realising what she actually meant.
"Really?" He asked, incredulous.
"Yeah, really." She replied and dropped a light kiss to his chest.
"Hmm, I thought you Catholics didn't believe in sex before marriage."
"Well, I told you once before, it gives me something to confess
over."
They laughed at this.
"So, seriously Mulder. What now?"
Mulder thought about this a while. "I don't know. I didn't really
have a plan beyond this moment."
"Yeah," She added. "Who knows what the future might hold, eh?"
He had to agree with that.

Dana had to leave early in the morning, but she departed promising to
come back that evening. Mulder watched her go and felt wonderful. He
had to travel eighteen years into the past to get laid for the first
time in years, which seemed strangely ironic. He felt slightly guilty
for considering what had passed between them last night as something
as banal as getting laid -- he knew it was so much more, even if he
hated to admit it to himself.
Feeling energetic, he decided to go for a run. That was something
else he hadn't felt much like doing in a long time, but today he felt
like running a marathon. Funny how one form of physical activity can
prompt another, he thought, as he made his way, sweat soaked and
breathing hard, back to the lab.
He pushed open the door and Conlin was there.
Four extremely meaty looking men in black were also there and two of
them had weapons...
"Hey!" Mulder cried. "Friends of yours Conlin?"
"I'm sorry. I don't know how they found out." Conlin cried, as they
men hustled them both out the door towards a black van.
Out of breath and exhausted from his run, Mulder's struggles were no
match. They were both thrown into in to the van.
"What the hell is going on, Jerry?" Mulder asked once they were
moving.
"I don't know. They took me from home this morning. They kept asking
where you were and where my work was. Then they made me come to the
lab, and then they rifled through all my belongings, took my notes,
and then you came back and now here we are."
"Who are they?"
"I don't know. Government, I think."
"You think?"
"Yeah. I've been asking around about some stuff. About trying to get
you back where you belong. Maybe I asked the wrong person. What do
you think they're gonna do to us?"
Mulder stared grimly at him and shook his head.


Pulling Back
------------

After he was thrown in a featureless grey room, nobody came to see or
speak to him for two days. At first, Mulder called frantically
through the door. Once the initial shock of being abducted by these
government henchmen had worn off, the panic and realisation that Dana
would be wondering where he had gone, finally set in. She had no way
of knowing what had happened to him, or where he was. Their
relationship was at a critical stage. He desperately wanted to be
with her again and he knew that she'd be wondering where he was.
Maybe even thinking he was running scared.
He neither saw nor heard from Conlin in this time. He had one visit,
a brief entourage of yet more henchmen, who came to give him some
blankets to sleep on, some food to eat and a bucket which he assumed
was supposed to be to be his toilet. Well, that's what he used it for
anyway. To hell with them if it was supposed to be for anything else.
Then, late into the third day, someone came. The door to his cell
opened. "Hey!" He called out, his voice hoarse from first shouting,
and then misuse. They didn't speak but hauled him to his feet and
pushed him down the corridor. He reached a room and was pushed
inside. One of the henchmen motioned to a chair one side of a table.
Mulder dropped into the seat and glanced around. The room was as bare
and grey as the one he'd been in, with the exception of two chairs
and a table in between them. It looked like the hundreds of police
interrogation rooms he'd seen over the years. To his left was a large
mirror that was clearly a one-way window. He raised a hand and waved
with a cheerily, ironic smile as whoever was on the other side. The
henchmen took up positions around the room and tried to act
nonchalant.
The door to the room opened again and a well dressed man in his
forties entered and sat, wrinkling his nose at the smell from Mulder.
Three days without a wash and in sweat soaked jogging clothes, made
him smell a little ripe.
Mulder shrugged. "You don't like how I smell, you shouldn't have
abducted me, you son of a bitch." He stood and made a grab for the
man, but was forced back into his seat by two of the henchmen.
"Ow, call off the gorillas, will ya?"
"I will, when I'm quite certain you'll do as required."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Mr. Mulder, I'm offering you a chance to go home."
"What?"
"I know all about you, about where, or rather, when you come from.
Now, a weaker man than I would probably torture you to gain vital
future information, and use that to further his own need. I, however,
am more interested in the technology that bought you here."
Mulder shook his head. "Well you've got the wrong man. I'm just an
innocent caught up in this."
"No, you're the guinea pig that's been experimented on."
"What do you mean?" Mulder asked, his mouth going dry.
"Oh, you don't think your being here is entirely accidental do you?
Professor Conlin planned for you to be transported all along. He just
never bargained on it being eighteen years back. He planned on it
being mere seconds."
"How can you know this?"
"He told us. You see, when someone plays around with the types of
experiments he was conducting, it doesn't go unnoticed. We've been
monitoring him for years. His work was always so promising. Anyway,
we saw you arrive. We've been watching and waiting to see if he could
figure out what he'd done and send you back. Unfortunately, he needed
some help there."
"Which is where you come in?"
"Which is where we come in."
Mulder sighed and sat back against the chair. "So what do you want
with me?"
"Ah, well, we've given Conlin the incentive and equipment he needs to
reproduce the effects of the future experiment, and we need a test
subject. Seeing as how you don't actually belong here, you seem like
the most obvious choice, wouldn't you say?"
Mulder absorbed all this. "What if I say no?"
"Then I'll kill you." The man replied calmly.
Mulder realised he had no choice. Either stay and die, or maybe have
the chance to return to the life he'd left behind. His thoughts
instantly turned to Dana Scully. How the hell was he going to feel
around her now? Would she remember their past liaison? Would things
even be remotely the same, or had he changed them irrevocably?
"Okay. If I agree to do this, I have one request and a question."
"Alright. I'm a reasonable man. Your request?"
Mulder pulled at his sweater. "Some clean clothes and a bath."
The man nodded. "Agreed. And the question?"
"When I return to my own time, will I...will everything be the same
as it was when I left?"
The man barked quickly. "How the hell should I know? I'm not a damn
physicist."



Future Imperfect
----------------

Mulder woke up with a familiar, all-over ache. He dully remembered a
bad dream about being stuck in the eighties, but then he sat up with
a start, as he recalled it was no dream at all.
"Ow!" He exclaimed, as his head connected with the underside of
something hard. He forced his eyes open, and at first thought, he was
blind, then realised it was actually pitch black.
He groaned and began to haul himself up, groping at the object he was
lying under, which turned out to be a bed with a thin mattress on
top. He dragged himself up to sit on the bed and tried to absorb what
had happened.
They'd sent him back to his own time. It was all over. But where the
hell was he? Had they sent him back? Maybe it hadn't worked.
After a while his eyes adjusted to the dark, and he recognised the
familiar grey cell he'd been held in before.
He stood on shaky legs. "Hey! Anyone there?" He called through the
door and thumped on it. All it did was make the pain reverberate
around his head some more, and he collapsed back to lie on the
mattress.
Hours later, he had a visitor. Jerry Conlin. The Jerry Conlin from
his time. Mulder smiled widely, pleased to see the older version of
his friend. Conlin offered a tight smile, and Mulder instantly knew
all was not right.
"Don't tell me it's 2023 and I've come too far into the future." He
asked, half-joking.
Conlin shook his head. "No, it's June nineteenth two-thousand. You're
almost spot on, back where you belong, give or take a month."
Mulder nodded. "Then why am I still in a cell?"
Conlin sighed and tried to figure out how to approach a difficult
subject. "Mulder, when you first came to me in nineteen eighty two, I
knew straight away what had happened. When I told you I didn't think
there was a way to send you back, I truly believed that. And I
encouraged you to make a life for yourself."
"And I was doing quite well with that, before this." Mulder gestured
around the barren room.
"Yeah, well what I didn't consider was that your actions would change
the future and we would never meet in the present as it now is."
"We must have, or else I wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't know who
I am."
"I know who you are because I met you in eighty-two. You say we first
met in ninety-eight, but in this reality, we never met then."
Mulder shook his head. "I don't understand. Why? How? What am I still
doing here?"
"We never met because of two reasons. The first was because after
they sent you back here I...I went to work for them."
"Willingly?"
Conlin nodded ruefully. "Eventually, yeah."
Mulder swallowed. "And the other reason?"
"Because you died in ninety three."
"What?" Mulder exclaimed shocked.
Conlin shrugged. "You were killed in action, so to speak. Some
arsonist who was trying to take out an English MP, for some God-
knows-what reason. They only caught him after he succeeded, and
managed to take you and your partner out too.
"I remember the case, but he didn't succeed. We...we caught him. Are
you saying in this reality he killed us? Scully and me?"
"Scully?"
"My partner, your ex-student, Dana Scully. Are you saying she's
dead?" His voice cracked over the words he could hardly bear to
utter.
Conlin shook his head in confusion.
"Scully. She is, was, my partner?" He was growing frantic. To have
travelled eighteen years back to the present to discover he'd lost
her for good would be more than he could cope with.
"No. It was another male agent. I can find out the name for you if it
helps?"
Mulder sent him a soulful look, finally seeing a glimmer of hope.
"She never joined the FBI?"
"I don't know but I can find out what happened to her too."

Conlin was true to his word and after three days, in which Mulder
underwent a battery of tests, came back with news of Scully.
"Well, it seems Dana Scully never did join the FBI. She became a
doctor, and is currently working in emergency medicine, right here in
DC."
"Married?"
Conlin shot him a curious look. "Yeah, to another doctor. They have
two kids, girl and a boy."
"And a house with a white picket fence and a dog." Mulder's jaw
tightened at the thought of her leading a happy, normal life without
him.
"Something like that." Conlin replied and paused awkwardly. "Look
Mulder, don't think I don't know what was going on back there."
Mulder looked aghast. He thought they'd been fairly discreet. Conlin
held up the video camera, and Mulder remembered how one afternoon,
he'd set it up and filmed Dana and himself joking around, so he could
show her how the technology worked. "Ah." He licked his suddenly dry
lips.
"And honestly, Mulder, I don't blame you one bit. After all, you
thought you were there for life. Hell, I even encouraged you to make
a life for yourself. If anyone is to blame for this, it's me."
"No, there's no need for blame. She's happy by the sounds of it,
which is a hell of a lot more than she is, or would have been,
working with me."
"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it's obvious that the reason her
life turned out different was because you changed her fate somehow,
back then. And because of that, your future fate changed, and you
died when you should have lived."
Mulder sat on the mattress again, trying to take it all in. He'd
changed Scully's fate so she lived a normal life, but in the process,
he'd sentenced himself to death. Seemed like a reasonable trade,
seeing as how a normal life was all she ever wanted, and he didn't
have much of any kind of life before, anyway. So she had literally
saved him. He always suspected her level headed influence had
grounded him but this was something else.
But now he was back again, but she was...she was unobtainable. He
felt a pang of regret. He had to see her, just to see her happy, just
to know that this was right.
Mulder stood, resting a heavy hand on Conlin's shoulder. "So when do
I get out of here?"
Conlin stood staring at him with sadness. "Mulder, did you not hear
what I just told you? In this reality, you've been dead seven years."
"And?"
Conlin glanced round and stepped closer, whispering, "And if there is
one thing I've learnt about these guys, it's that they don't piss
around. Once you've served your purpose, you think they're gonna give
you fifty dollars, pat you on the back and send you on your way? You
might as well consider your ass officially disappeared."
Mulder was silent. "Then I guess you gotta help me get out of here."
"No, what I got to do is send you back, so you can change things back
to the way they were. Then you can return here and still be alive
now."
"No. No, I'm not going to correct a mistake, just so I can be alive.
If I died, then it was meant to be. Now that I'm here, I'll find a
way of not being and disappearing my own ass."
"Mulder, you..."
"Conlin, no arguments. I'm not going back to mess up the past again.
The past is set and the future is what it is. I won't change it. You
just help me get out of here."
Conlin looked stern. "You have no idea the trouble you're inviting."
"Yeah, well, neither did you, if you managed to cause this chaos in
the first place, by experimenting on me when I had no idea or choice
in the matter."  He rose to his full height and grabbed Conlin's
shirt-front threateningly.
Conlin backed off scared. "Okay, okay. I had a plan anyway. With a
little alteration, we can get you out of here."

Mulder and Conlin made their escape at midnight the following night.
It was easy, with Conlin by now being a respected and trusted member
of their team. He had almost unlimited access. Thus he was able to
just march Mulder straight out the front gate with a scant excuse and
no questions asked.
Once outside Mulder turned to Conlin. "Jerry thanks. I want you to go
back now; you don't need to run with me."
"Hah yeah I do. I go back and I've got a helluva lot of explaining to
do with why I let you get away. Lets face it my ass is toast."
Mulder shook his head. "But they need you for their experiments don't
they?"
"Oh they'll find a replacement soon enough, the technology isn't so
hard to grasp these days. Actually they could control the whole thing
if it wasn't..."
Mulder turned to him and questioned him with his eyes. "If it wasn't
for what?"
Conlin smiled. "I have one little secret that they don't know."
"So you keep a trick up your sleeve to ensure you're kept firmly in
their payroll?"
"Yeah, wouldn't you if being fired was as literal as it sounds?"
Mulder shrugged. "Yeah I guess."
Conlin paused then added. "Mulder I'm going to let you in on the
secret just in case, you know, anything happens and you need to use
it."
Conlin pushed a small folded piece of paper into Mulder's pocket.
"I've set the coordinates back up to the past. I was hoping I could
talk you round and persuade you to go back and put things right."
Mulder glanced down then met Conlin's eyes. "Jerry I'm not going
back. This is right."
"Well take it anyway, you never know. Oh I have some other stuff for
you. He opened his car and reached in the back as Mulder stepped into
the drivers' seat. "Here."
Mulder opened the small paper bag to find his camcorder, his badge
and his weapon.
"I snuck them out ages ago." Conlin added dismissively.
Mulder contemplated them for a moment before slipping the gun and
badge into his jacket pocket. The camcorder he switched on and
rewound a short way. The screen filled with the image of eighteen
year old Dana Scully's laughing face. He remembered the day he'd
shown her the camera and how it worked and smiled wistfully before
shutting it off and slipping it too into his pocket.

They drove for an hour. Mulder seemed to be heading in circles at
first, not specifically going anywhere. There was a long period of
silence in the car before he asked. "Which hospital?"
"Huh?"
"Which hospital does she work at?"
"Dana Scully?" Conlin asked immediately clued in to what Mulder
wanted.
Mulder nodded.
"Uh, Mulder I don't think this is a good idea..."
"Which hospital Jerry." He said more forcefully.
Conlin sighed. "Georgetown Memorial. You're going to see her aren't
you?"
Mulder merely nodded.
"Are you nuts? Once they know what's going on that's the first place
they'll look. You don't think they didn't review that tape; that they
don't know about your past."
Mulder winced at the use of the word 'past'. To him it was still the
now. "I have to know she's happy. I, I'm essentially giving up my
life here and I need to know that it really is the right thing to
do."
They arrived outside the hospital; Mulder pulled the car sharply and
haphazardly into a space and practically ran into the ER leaving
Conlin to catch up.
He didn't see her at first. A quick scan of the on-duty roster on the
wall picked out a Doctor Scully on duty until 8am. His mouth quirked
into a semi smile amused that she chose to use her maiden name for
professional purposes. He approached the admittance desk and asked
the woman behind it. "Excuse me I'm looking for Dr Scully. Is she
available? It's very important that I speak with her."
The woman looked up from her book. "Uh, yeah sure there she is right
now." She pointed to a spot just behind Mulder and he turned and saw
her.
Dr Dana Scully looked up from the charts in her hand straight into
the eyes of Fox Mulder. His breath caught in his throat. She wore her
hair longer and in natural curls, pulled back from her face. Her
figure was rounder and less toned than the Scully he knew but it was
unmistakably her. He smiled at her as her face registered shock and
recognition. Why wouldn't she recognise him, he hadn't aged a day
since they last met.
Wasting no time he approached her quickly, taking her by the elbow he
guided her along the corridor. "I don't have much time." He mumbled.
"Oh my God!" She exclaimed as she allowed herself to be led along
with him.
He pulled her into a quiet side corridor and placed a hand on both
shoulders.
"Oh my God, you, you look...where? What happened?" All the questions
tumbled out at once then she surprised him by pulling him into a
fierce hug.
"Hey." He pulled away gently but kept his arms loosely around her
shoulders.
She shook her head, moisture forming in her eyes now. "You, you were
gone, you just vanished and now look at you." Her voice cracked
slightly.
"I know, I know. I, I had no choice."
She shook her head, clearing the sudden emotion away. "You haven't
aged a day."
He smiled down at her. "Yeah well you know all that from the future
thing I did that pissed you off so much? Well turns out I really am
from the future." He shrugged and let her absorb this.
She was still so shocked by his presence in her life that she barely
acknowledged what he said. "Mulder, I, I don't know what to say? What
are you doing here?"
Mulder glanced down the corridor. Conlin was pacing up and down
nervously, glancing about for signs of trouble.
"Listen Scully, I don't have much time, I just wanted to make sure
that, to know that you're ok, that you're happy. You are aren't you?"
For a moment she didn't answer and he was filled with a dread that
he'd made a terrible mistake. Then she shrugged and agreed. "Yeah I
guess I'm fairly happy. Why? What's this all about?"
Before Mulder could reply Colin called out. "Mulder we've got to go.
Come on." He began to run. Mulder hesitated for just a second,
squeezing Scully's hand and bending to place a light kiss on her
forehead.
There was a loud gunshot. Both jumped and Mulder looked up to see
Conlin fall, blood oozing from his chest. He pulled out his own
weapon and tightened his grip on Scully's hand, desperately afraid
he'd put her in danger.
Scully eyed his weapon with terror as he pulled on her hand and
dragged him down the corridor and out of the fire exit. Conlin was
right it had been a stupid idea coming here.
They rounded the building, Scully stumbling afraid being dragged
along with him. "Where's your car?" He called out to her.
"Uh, over there." She pointed to a blue sedan.
"Keys!" And she fished them out and threw them to him. A shot whizzed
over their heads.  No time to send her back in, he unlocked the car
and threw her in the passenger seat, stumbling round to the drivers
side before roaring off.

They drove for maybe forty minutes, heading out and away from D.C.
before he turned to her and saw the terror in her eyes.
She glanced up at him. "What do you want with me?"
Shit! It never occurred to him that she'd be scared of him, that
she'd be afraid of the gun. He forgot this Scully barely ever had any
contact with anything like this.
Feeling some explanation in order he pulled out his badge from his
pocket. She flinched as it landed in her lap but opened it to see he
was an F.B.I agent.
"Oh." She exclaimed visibly relaxing. "Why didn't you say?"
"What between the bullets and the men killing my friend? Gosh why
didn't I think of that?"
She blew air from her lips and turned to the window suitably
chastised.
"I'm sorry." He said. "I've had a very bad week, or eighteen years or
something. I think I'm time lagged." He smirked and she managed a
small grin in response.
"What the hell is going on?" She asked suddenly angry now the danger
seemed to have passed.
"If I tried to explain you'd never believe me so just go with it."
"No!" She exclaimed. "You disappeared out of my life for eighteen
years and now you just show up out of the blue. Turns out you're FBI
and people are trying to kill you for God knows what reason and I'm
dragged along for the ride? That's not an explanation and I want
one."
He sighed. Trust Scully to demand the facts. Good to know some things
haven't changed.
He swerved the car into a motel car park and found a secluded spot
away from the road.
"Ok what do you want to know?" He asked, trying to work out how he
was going to say this.
"Firstly I want to know your secret to anti aging." She quipped with
a flash of humour.
He laughed. "Yeah ah, well I told you. I told you then and I'm
telling you now, not that you'll believe anyway. I'm a time
traveller."
She snorted and shook her head. "I must be having a bad day or
something."
So he recounted the story from the beginning. How they had known each
other in his future/present, how he'd got stuck in the past,
believing he could never return to his present. Just when he thought
he could make a life he was ripped away from it and sent back here.
To a future that wasn't quite his own future. He told her that he was
dead in this future.
"See I think this is how it's supposed to be." He said. "You would
have saved my life somewhere in my original timeline but because I
altered your future by being in your past you didn't save me. But it
doesn't matter because I'm here now. It's crazy I know but I think
this is somehow right."
"How can your dying possibly be right?" She asked.
"I'm not dead; I've just been away for a while. I, don't know I can't
explain it but. Look in my original reality you were, well you and I,
we, neither of us had the best of lives. We both made sacrifices. In
this life, there's no sacrifice to be made. That's got to be right."
"What about those men after you? They want you to sacrifice your
life?"
He shrugged. "I'll find a way round them."
She shook her head. "How?"
"What how did this all happen? Conlin was..." He paused remembering
thee life draining from his friend's chest.
She picked up on his discomfort. "It wasn't your fault."
"Yeah it was. It was my plan to escape he wanted me to, to go back."
"Why didn't you?"
He looked at her. "Because I couldn't do that to you."
A long moment of silence spread out between them. His earnest eyes
catching in the low moonlight. Eventually she placed her hand over
his and squeezed. "You know I'm glad you came back. I missed you when
you were gone."
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Yeah, I don't know if you noticed but I was getting pretty serious
about you there. It, it was hard when you just disappeared off.
Actually I thought you'd run scared of my feelings and I was angry at
you. But then anger isn't a good emotion and, well I wasn't angry, I
was just aching for you."
He looked up surprised at her candidness. Her feelings shone for her
eyes and it was clear to him then that if he kissed her now she
wouldn't pull away."
"So, you're married I hear?" He asked, changing the subject.
"Yeah." Spell broken. "Franks a wonderful man. We have two kids.
Stephanie who's five and Josh who'll be three next week."
"What are they like?" He asked aching and yet proud.
She pulled her wallet out and showed him pictures. Frank, her husband
was a strong handsome looking man with blonde hair and a firm jaw.
The little girl had sweet red curls like her mother and was clearly
going to grow up to be the spitting image of her. The boy also had a
shock of red curls and a cheeky smile.
"They're beautiful." He whispered.
"They're my babies." She added obviously proud of her family.
Mulder swallowed the jealous lump in his throat and reminded himself
once again that this was right." Well you know I think it's time I
let you get back you get back to them. It's almost four am."
He started to get out the car but she stopped him with a light touch.
"What about you?"
He paused. "I'll head South and lay low for a while. I'll get by I
always have."
"Well the least I can do is help you somehow. Why don't you take the
car? I'll report it stolen in a few weeks."
"How will you get home?"
"I'll take a cab."
"No, I'll drive you first."

Mulder and Scully drove back to her residence in almost silence. It
seemed once the awkwardness of meeting up again had passed and the
explanations aired that they had no need for verbal communication.
For a brief moment Mulder thought it felt just like any number of
road trips they'd been on together. Then he was reminded that this
would be the last ever road trip he'd take with her.
As they drew into her road he killed the engine and the lights.
"What?" Scully asked looking up from the semi hypnotic state she'd
been in.
"Look." She followed the path of his gaze and saw a black sedan
parked outside her house. Clearly visible inside to anyone paying
attention were two men.
"And there." He glanced over to their left and she saw another man
strolling casually as if going for a walk at five in the morning in a
sleepy suburban neighbourhood was entirely natural.
"If we go round the back..." she started but he shook his head.
"They'll have that covered. Shit!"
She bit her lip and asked the question that she feared the most.
"Mulder they, you don't think they would hurt my family would they?"
He looked at her and rubbed her arm reassuringly. "I doubt it; they
wouldn't want to create more attention than they have already. But if
you go back in there...Damn! They'd probably take you hostage. They
know how much you, you mean to me."
"Mulder that's my family I have to go back."
"I know. I'm thinking." Mulder glanced in the mirror "Shit!" New
problem. A black sedan pulled quietly into the road behind them. They
had to get out of there now.
"Is there any other way out of here?"
"Yes. Up ahead and turn left then left then third right. It'll take
you back up to the interstate. But if we take off in the car won't
they follow.
"Not if I lose them first. Hold on.
He pulled away quickly, not bothering to turn on the lights and sped
up the road. Both cars were taken by complete surprise and he would
have got away with it except a third car came round the corner just
as he was turning.
He swerved and clipped the kerb but kept going. Unfortunately this
lost him valuable seconds and the pursuit was on.
Mulder didn't mess about. He knew the roads around D.C fairly well
and steered them round a convoluted course to loose them as quickly
as possible in the side streets. But still they kept up. A series of
loud rapports alerted him to the fact they were now shooting at them
Scully gripped the handrail tightly. "Give me your gun." She cried
out as he threw them round another corner.
"What?" he barely spared her a glance, concentrating on the road.
"Give me your gun. They're shooting at us, let's shoot back. Maybe I
can take out their tyres."
Scully that only happens in the movies, don't be stupid."
She grabbed his gun out his jacket pocket and wound the window down
anyway. She leaned out trying to aim at them but found it difficult
through the twists and turns they were taking to lose their pursuers.
Mulder took a sharp swerve to the right and she almost dropped it out
the window.
"Scully get back in." He called sparing her a look.
Another round of bangs as bullets impacted on the side of the vehicle
and ran up the side doors. Another two inches and he'd have been hit.
Scully regains composure enough and squeezed of a couple of shots,
handling the weapon like a pro, much to Mulder's surprise.
"What you think I haven't used a gun before." She shot at him.
He had no chance to reply. He spotted a turn he knew would lose them
and made a sharp right. More return fire hitting their side and
Scully cried out as they were flung hard against their seats. He
turned again and again. The gunfire missed, then grew fainter as he
finally shook them off.
"Yes!" He cried out when they didn't take the next two turns after
him. "Scully I think we lost 'em." He glanced at her then and for the
first time saw the blood. His heart leap in shock.
"Shit!" He swerved into an alley and pulled up out of sight of the
road and turned his attention to her.
She'd been hit. Blood soaked into her white lab coat from a wound
near her shoulder. He pressed his hand to it desperate to staunch the
flow. She opened her eyes and tried to speak.
"Hit." She croaked out; blood spurting from between her lips.
Uh oh that wasn't a good sign was it? "Yeah help me out here you're
the doctor."
"No help." She managed to wheeze,
He checked their surroundings. He had to get her out of there. Get
her to a hospital. A black sedan cruised by at the top of the alley
but mercifully didn't see them.
"Yes help, come on; stay with me here. Tell me what to do." He began
to panic. He was loosing her dammit; he wasn't going to let that
happen.
"Scully come on." He ran a hand round her back to feel for an exit
wound but there wasn't one. With a sickening lurch he realised the
bullet had probably hit a bone and reflected back into her chest,
probably taking out her lung in the process. "Jesus no!" He cried in
desperation. He pushed his hand harder against her wound as if mere
pressure alone could heal her. His other hand rose to her neck
caressing her face and subconsciously feeling her pulse thready in
her neck. Her eyes closed in pain and blood slipping between her lips
again. He swiped it away with his hand. He was loosing her and there
wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
"Scully no!" He pleaded again; pulling her body to his as her breath
grew more and more shallow until it was no more.

Mulder held her. He held her and felt the rage and anger at the
injustice of it all well up inside him. She didn't deserve this.
She'd been happy, she should have lived. He hated them for killing
her. He hated them for killing Conlin. He hated Conlin for getting
him into this and mostly he hated himself for being so damn stupid
and selfish for wanting to see here again despite the risks.
He uttered a sound that was half way between a sob and a laugh. Why
oh why could not a future version of himself have come back and
warned him not to go to Conlin's stupid lab on that fateful Saturday
in the first place.
Then it struck him.
He knew a way to get back. Hell Conlin had even set the co-ordinates
and given him the secret to making it work. He could go anywhere he
wanted.
Any when.
Back to, oh say the Friday before this all started and stop himself.
But how? How would he convince himself he was who he said he was? He
looked down at his clothes, tainted with Scully's blood. He reached
into his pocket and felt the paper Conlin had given him. He unfolded
the neat little square and read it's quickly. He almost laughed. It
was a sequence of keystrokes and a simple password. Anyone could have
figured it out given time.
Rising with renewed hope he ran.

Breaking into the base was even easier than getting out. So easy in
fact he wondered why they bothered having guards on the gate. He
spared scant remorse on the guard he killed to get in and whose
automatic weapon he took to kill anyone who got in his way. He
figured it didn't matter in the end because when he fixed this mess
they'd all be alive again.
He caused enough panic chaos and mayhem to create a diversion and get
to the lab. Once inside he barricaded the doors. It wouldn't hold
them for long but he only needed a moment and it wouldn't matter.
He'd be gone.


Fixing The Past (13th April 1982)
---------------------------------

By now, Mulder was used to the sensation. He arrived back in the past
in Conlin's office with very little fanfare. Once he'd woken up and
the stabbing pain in his limbs has subsided, the first thing he
noticed was that, yet again, he wasn't at the exact time he'd first
arrived back. For one thing, it was the middle of the day. He could
hear sounds of bustling students filling the corridors and milling
around the grounds. He exited the office to discover an empty lab.
The clock above Conlin's desk showed that lunch had just started. He
searched with his eyes, and discovered a newspaper lying in the waste
paper basket by the desk. Pulling it out, he glanced at the date.
Tuesday 13th April 1982.
Lunchtime.
Shit!
In about five minutes, he would be too late to stop himself from
bumping into Scully. He raced out the lab, through the corridors, and
out into the back area of the campus, where there were no students
congregated. As he was rounding the building, he was just in time to
see Scully exit another building on the opposite side. He ducked into
a doorway, thinking fast, and scanning the crowds to find himself,
panicking when he couldn't spot him.
Then, suddenly, he caught sight of himself.
How odd. How odd it was to see yourself, and to know what you're
about to do will change the course of history so drastically.
Too late, he thought. The other version of him had already spotted
her, and begun to push himself away from the wall to approach her.
Mulder thought fast. Damnit, he was too late! There was no way he'd
reach him before he reached Scully. And then, even if he did, he'd
cause such a fuss, that something was bound to change. Thoughts
fleeted through his head that, maybe this first meeting would be
okay, that it would make no difference, but he knew that it wasn't
true. He knew this was the moment. He had to stop himself.
But how?
As he watched himself approaching her, time seemed to slow down, as
realisation dawned. There really was only one way to stop this, and
that was to stop it permanently. Conlin said he shouldn't be alive in
the altered timeline, so it seemed ironic that now, the only way he
could hope to restore the original timeline, was to kill any hope of
it ever existing.
He had to eliminate this Mulder who was about to make a huge mistake.
And the only way he could do that now was to literally eliminate him.
But this was him. The him that was here now, only a few months ago.
If he killed that Mulder logic dictates that he too would cease to
exist.
Another thought was that it almost didn't matter anymore. He glanced
down at his hands and clothes, sullied with the blood of that vibrant
young woman, striding purposefully across campus. Whatever the cost
he had to make sure that he was not able to corrupt her life. Damnit,
she deserved better than the life she'd had with him, and the death
he'd brought upon her. Trying not to think about what he was doing
and it's consequences for him, he drew his gun, racking the slide as
he aimed it at the other version of him. Finding his target with the
ease of a practiced assassin, he closed his eyes briefly, steadied
his aim, and fired.
It wasn't a clean shot. Not a kill shot anyway, so he aimed and fired
again, and again, the third shot taking out his victim's throat.
He stood staring for a moment, wondering why he was still here,
oblivious to the panicked screams and stampede of students around him
and his victim. His gaze flickered briefly to where Scully had been
walking, and he noticed, with satisfaction, that her companion and
her where nowhere in sight, having fled the square at the sound of
the first shot. A lump formed in his throat as he realised what he
must now do. He swiftly approached his victim and dropped into a
crouch beside him. Pretending to be administering first aid, he
rummaged through his pockets, removing his ID and weapon. She must
never know him in any way. Briefly, his gaze caught his own dying
eyes, and he paused, swallowing the sadness, and feeling remorse for
his actions he whispered, "I'm sorry." not sure who he was sorry for.
Himself or...himself. The dying version of himself looked up with
realisation and understanding, making him feel even worse for the
sacrifice he'd forced himself to take. Without another word he sped
off, running as fast as he could, away from his victim and the
university, trying to find somewhere to go, where he could await his
fate.
He didn't get far before he felt the strength leave him. Collapsing
breathlessly in a back alley, a mile from the scene of the crime, he
leaned heavily against a wall before sliding to the floor, as his
legs gave way. Dizziness overcame him and his vision span. His mind
was cursed with perfect clarity. He shouldn't be here. He had no
right to exist in this time or this universe. He felt a sudden
constriction about his chest, as he realised he couldn't breathe. In
a moment he mercifully blacked out. An audible pop sounded in the
abandoned back alley, as air rushed to fill the vacuum that used to
be Fox Mulder.


Epilogue (Monday 20th March 2000: 7.47am)
-----------------------------------------

"Morning." Scully said chirpily, as she came through the office door,
slightly surprised to find Mulder there that early, although not half
as surprised as Mulder was to find himself there at all.
He didn't answer or look up from the object in his hand. She couldn't
quite see what it was, because the only light in the room was coming
from their sole, dusty and narrow window. She flipped on the light
and approached.
"What's that for?" She asked nodding to the camcorder he'd placed on
the desk.
"Huh?" He looked up, finally noticing her. "Morning. Good weekend?"
He asked, not answering her question as usual.
"Yes, thank you. I spent the weekend at my mother's; my brother and
his family were visiting."
Mulder smiled, finally paying her the full attention she deserved.
"Nice." His slight grimace held what he really thought of spending a
weekend with her brother.
"My brother Charles, not Bill. I don't think you've ever met him,
have you?"
"No, but then again, if he's at all like Bill, I think I'd like to
keep it that way."
Scully suppressed a smile. She knew there wasn't much love lost
between her brother Bill and Mulder, but sometimes, she thought they
were so alike. Bullish, pigheaded, far too macho for their own good,
and both thought they had her best interests at heart when they
really didn't have a clue.
"So, how was your weekend then?" She asked, changing the subject.
"Weird, actually."
"Well, yes I know that. You don't do normal, Mulder."
"No, I mean weirder than usual. I woke up this morning after a really
freakishly realistic dream. At least I assume it was a dream, because
if it was real, it was really weird, and it changes a whole load of
things." He paused, realising he was rambling slightly. "And anyway,
I realised I actually can't remember what I did this weekend. I have
no memory of anything since Saturday morning."
Scully looked concerned and perched on the edge of his desk, touching
his chin and tilting his head to the light, to check him over in a
doctorly fashion. "What do you remember from Saturday morning then?"
He endured her examination with scant patience. "Well, I vaguely
recall talking to Frohike. I guess that must have happened, because
this is his camcorder." He pointed to the object on the desk.
"Are you sure they didn't drug you while you were there?"
"It's entirely plausible with those guys, you know." He paused and
stood, brushing her hand away in mild annoyance at her attempt to
doctor him.
Her unneeded hands dropped to her side. "What was the dream about?"
He turned to her and gave her a wry smile. "Ah, well, that is a very
good question. But I really don't think it's something I'm entirely
comfortable talking to you about."
"Definitely drugs. Mulder, maybe we should get you to a hospital to
get you checked out."
He waved a hand at her. "No, I feel fine. I have a mother of a
headache and a strange sense of foreboding, but I get that at least
five times a week, so everything is normal. Anyway, I'm sure the guys
wouldn't have subjected me to anything dangerous. Well, Frohike and
Langly might, but Byers wouldn't have let them."
"Right. And why would they put you in danger, when you do such a
great job of it yourself?"
Mulder shot her a look. "Only because you do such a great job of
saving my ass."
"Yeah, just think. I could've been a great doctor and here am I; my
sole purpose in life is to save your butt at all too frequent
intervals." She grinned impishly.
So it was going to be like that today, he thought. He liked it when
Scully was feeling a little playful, and for some reason, today he
felt particularly grateful for her being here with him. Probably the
after-effects of whatever oddities he got up to that weekend. Plus,
that lucid dream he'd had, which was screwing up his head. If it had
been a dream after all.  It couldn't have been real; it seemed too
much like a piece of bad fiction to have really happened. And there
were certain some erotic elements to it, which were not unheard of in
his dreams. It already seemed vague, as if he was looking at it
through a veil. That in itself was strange; he usually remembered his
dreams very clearly. He had a strange feeling that someone was inside
his head, trying to erase his memories, and that, that someone was
himself. A thin sliver of the memory/dream filtered back to his
consciousness and left him wondering. He had to ask, had to know.
"Hey Scully, did anything really weird or mysterious ever happen to
you? I mean, before this?" He shrugged, and gestured to their office
in general.
Scully looked up thoughtfully from the paperwork she was beginning to
shuffle on her desk. "Not really, not weird."
"When you were in college or university? Nothing odd?"
"Well, now you mention it, yeah, there was a really strange homicide
at my university, not so much weird as unexplained."
"What happened?" Mulder asked, his mouth dry as recognised the event.
"There was this guy and he was shot on campus. He wasn't an employee
or student there, and nobody knew who he was. As far as I know, they
never found out, and they never found out who killed him or why. I
remember it was *the* talking point for months. I never knew if they
ever found out. It was all sort of hushed up, wasn't very good for
their public image."
Mulder nodded, trying to grasp at the threads of the dream, even more
convinced that it wasn't a dream.
"What if I told you I knew all about that, that I..." He shook his
head. The memory was fading more and more by the second. "I knew that
already. I was there. Or at least I thought I was there, but now that
you tell it, I'm wondering if I'm not just pre-remembering it all."
"Like deja-vu?" She suggested. "Well, it's entirely possible I've
told you about it before. Actually, I always thought of that as being
the one moment when I started to show an interest in pathology, I
always wondered about that man. How? Why? Who? The whole mystery of
it just hooked me in. In all these years, I'm sure we must have had
that conversation somewhere along the way."
He nodded. It made sense in reality, but it also made sense in that
uneasy part of his mind that wondered whether it was all real. A
sudden thought occurred to him, and he nearly laughed it was so
obvious. Of course it was real. If it hadn't happened she wouldn't be
here right now. He had to be there to make sure she was here to save
him. The whole dammed thing was preordained from the start. Either
God had a terrible sense of humour, or this was one hell of a
screwed-up paradox. Pity he couldn't remember most of it. Except the
good stuff.
He thought carefully for a moment before uttering his next words.
"Scully what would you say if I said I think I was actually there?
That it was me?"
She looked at him like he'd finally gone mad. "I'd say I'm calling
Frohike to find out exactly what they gave you."
He paused, wondering if he should tell her more, if he should reveal
his suspicions. He glanced down at the camcorder. Maybe that held
proof. His mouth went dry as his considered the evidence that it
might contain. Did he really want to know? He gradually became aware
that she was talking to him again.
"...But if you really want to figure out what you did this weekend
then I'm sure there's something right there on your desk to jog your
memory."
Odd that her words should echo his own thoughts. Did he want to know?
"Lets plug it in and see, but I warn you if it's ninety minutes of
the inside of a lap dance club, I'm probably going to find something
less tacky to feast my eyes on." She grumbled good humouredly.
Mulder stared at the camcorder considering his options. Then he came
to a decision, opened the camcorder extracted the tape. Grabbing a
pencil he wound it under the tape and unthreaded it from the casing.
"Mulder!" Scully cried, genuinely shocked at his actions.
When he'd finished mutilating the tape beyond repair, his looked up
from the pile of black ribbon in front of him and grinned sheepishly.
"Why?" Scully asked.
He shrugged and gestured to the useless heap. "Maybe the consequences
of knowing this particular truth outweigh the need to know."
She gave him a last curious look and buried her head back into her
work.

-------
THE END
-------

Authors Notes and other boring stuff:

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed it and if you did (or didn't)
please let me know. Actually please specially if you hated it, I went
on a "Dealing With Feedback Constructively" course recently and need
to practice my new found skills;-).
>Majikthize@hotmail.com
Not sure about how I wrote young Scully. What do you think she was
like at 18?
By the way, for all the little smutmeisters out there I did actually
write the <ahem> love scene but didn't put it in because I'm evil and
like to tease you. If you want it I am happy to send to anyone over
the appropriate age. Believe me when I assure you that this is not
some underhand tactic to entice you to email me. Oh no I wouldn't
stoop so low; the story just worked better without the smut so it was
a totally creative decision, honestly. ;-)