From: danielle boyd Date: Wed, 05 Jul 2000 04:49:05 -0400 Subject: The Path not Taken (1/1) Source: direct Title: The Path Not Taken (1/1) Author: D. Ranee Boyd Rating: PG Keywords: Mulder/Scully friendship Contact: boyd1013@cvzoom.net Summary: What if they weren't partners? hmmm.....interesting! DISCLAIMER: The lovable and not so lovable characters within belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Television (In other words, they are Gods and only Gods) but I wanted to play with them. Sorry God, but they needed a break. Spoilers: Pilot, Squeeze, Syzygy also War of the Coprophages I know I jump around and get distracted but so what, so does God! Feedback: Pretty please with a cherry on top. Be kind, it's my first. Outskirts of Comity, NH "Scully, you...you just ran a stop sign!" "Shut up, Mulder." White knuckling the steering wheel Scully, pressed her foot harder onto the accelerator. "Sure, fine, whatever." Slouching into his seat Mulder closed his eyes against the tension filled air. They had argued non-stop since they started this case. Not that that was unusual but this time, mentally shaking himself, he covertly glanced at his stiff partner. Scully glared at the road as if hoping bambi would jump in front of the car, giving her an excuse to kill. Mulder had to stifle a groan. Bambi. Dr. Bambi. That was when this tension between them had started. That subtle tension stretched and stretched until it finally snapped. Of course, Scully didn't understand, wouldn't even listen to his explanation. No, not Scully, when did she ever listen to him? She just assessed the situation and assumed that he was jumping Detective White's bones. Not that the thought hadn't crossed his mind, but he hadn't acted on it. In fact, he had been drowning his angry libido in alcohol when she walked in and ambushed him. Mulder sighed and wiped his hand across his face. He didn't like arguing with Scully, but damnit he shouldn't be the one to always apologize. It wasn't always his fault and this time Scully had definitely helped in the arguments. She had been down right bitchy. He wasn't stupid, if they were going to get over this thing between them then he would have to apologize. Again. Turning in the cramped seat he looked at Scully, taking a deep breath to cleanse his mind. That's when he smelled it. Soft, almost non-existent and he wouldn't have caught it if it weren't seared on his olfactory sense permanently. Scully refused to yield. Mulder played the game too well and it took all the strength she possessed to stay even with him let alone to get ahead. She would not let him win. She was mad, she would stay mad. She wanted to turn off the road and yell and stomp and unleash all her rage at him. But she knew better. To lose your control with Mulder was to lose the fight. It was one of the traits she admired in him, his ability to control almost any situation. It was also one of the traits she hated him for. There were times when she just wanted to let loose and let him have it, but it would be useless and only tire her out. He would just carefully step over her feelings as if they were a shattered glass on the floor. Dangerous, to be avoided at all costs, instead of gathered up and gently pieced back together. That's why he uses my last name, she thought to herself. A way to keep distance between them even when she is putting her life on the line for him and his quest. That selfish bastard! Why do I put up with it? Why donut I just leave? Why cant I walk away? Because he wont let me. God knows he doesn't want me but he wont let go either. I wish I had the nerve to shoot him again. This time to save my life. It was then that she realized that Mulder had broken the silence. She wasn't ready to hear his apology. She wasn't ready to forgive and lay the burden of guilt on his shoulders as was their custom. She remained stiff and reserved, staring out the windshield praying for an animal to mow down. "Scully, did you hear me?" Sighing in resignation she turned towards her frustrated partner and raised a single eyebrow. "What Mulder?" Her voice was tight and clipped, hoping to portray her unwillingness to talk. "I smell smoke." That got her attention. Why would he smell....? Shit! "Donut you smell it Scully?" How did he know? Yes, she had broken down and bought a pack of cigarettes. After spending the day with Special Agent Smartass and his sidekick Detective Slut she needed to take the edge off. And now he knew about her moment of weakness. Caught off balance she went with the first thing that popped into her head. Effectively shutting him up for the rest of the trip. "The only thing I can smell is cheap alcohol." The ride to DC was uncomfortable and strained. Normally she would have switched places with Mulder and let him drive, if only to allow him to push the seat back and stretch his legs. Not tonight, however. Not after his comment about her little legs reaching the peddles. Damn him! She hoped his legs cramped with charley horses all night. Serves him right. She stopped in front of her apartment building, never shutting off the engine. She simply shifted to park and popped the trunk for her bags. Normally she would have driven him to the rental agency then let him drop her off. Tonight she had no wish to be around him any longer than was necessary. Without a word to him she slammed the trunk and headed for the safety of her apartment. "Scully?" Nothing but her name was uttered but she knew what he wanted. She heard the questions for they echoed her own thoughts. "Not now Mulder." She never turned around, she just stared at her building. So close yet so far away. Just like Mulder. "When?" Heaving a sigh she turned to look at the stranger before her. She knew him yet she didn't. He was such an enigma. Of course, the same has been said of her. But at this moment she had no clue as to why they ever worked together. The days of being one, of finishing each others thoughts, of trusting seemed over. If they had ever even existed. Right now she wasn't sure. "Maybe never Mulder." Take a breath, just calm down and tell him what you've decided. Tell him you cant be partners anymore. Tell him you cant chase ghosts or aliens or his dead sister anymore. Just tell him. "I donut think we should be partners anymore, Scully." His tone was soft, his words were careful. His demeanor that of a boy she once knew. He had told her he was moving, his dad had been transferred. He was leaving. He wanted to stay. He wanted her to tell him to stay. Even though it was impossible they wanted the dream. Mulder was much the same. He wanted her to go. He wanted to hear her say the same. Even though they knew it was impossible. They wanted the dream. The freedom to believe they had a choice. "Maybe we never should have been in the first place." It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He had wanted her to agree, maybe take a vacation then come Monday morning they would deny the exchange had ever taken place. That was what they did. But her statement cut deeper than even denial could reach. She wanted out. For real. The only thing he could do is what he did. He left. Mulder's Apartment He was mad. He had tried to help her out. Had tried to let her vent her feelings, for once to just let go. Her rigid control over her feelings impressed him when dealing with mutants and government conspiracies but when it was just them he wanted her to be honest. To let loose and cry or scream, whatever she needed. She just didn't trust him enough to do that. Now she was leaving him. Jerking off his coat he threw it into a pile near the bottom of his coat rack and headed for his couch. The worn leather comforted his body as he sank into the cushions. For the first time in years sleep beckoned to him but he fought it. His mind to busy to shut it down now. He thought of her. He thought of the words she had stabbed him with. He had never imagined she would so ruthlessly throw away everything they had discovered, everything they had seen. Check that, everything he had seen. After all this time she still refused...no, donut go there, he told himself. He was to tired to go there. He only had the strength to focus on her selfish declaration. 'They never should have been partners.' Never had he thought that. He had always believed that fate had intervened by sending him a skeptical tower of strength to guide him, guard him, befriend him. They were friends. Weren't they? Shaking his head he absently reached for his remote before returning his hand to the couch. No. He wanted no distractions tonight. He wanted to wallow in his pain. In this void she had placed him in. The void he would have lived, wallowed in the last few years if she hadn't appeared. Uninvited images swirled through his sleep fogged brain as he rolled onto his side. What would have happened if... Scully's Apartment She hurt him and she didn't care. Anger filled her as she flung her clothes across her apartment, heading for her bedroom. She knew she would berate herself for the callous disregard, towards both Mulder and her clothes, in the morning but at this moment she didn't care. Pulling on her blue pajamas she reached for her white terry cloth robe before flopping down on the edge of her bed. Why had she done it? Why had she spoken those irrevocable words? Because she felt there truth. Mulder didn't need her and she...Damn! I cant even get the thought through my mind. I know I'd be better off without him. I'd have respect from my colleagues, I'd have my sister and I'd have a life. That was worth trading Mulder for. Wasn't it? Wrapping her robe tighter around her she curled in a ball and tried to push her words from her mind. They stayed with her. What if? Those were dangerous words. She tried never to utter them but now they flowed through her mind as if someone had turned on a faucet. Because someone had. She had done this to herself and Mulder. She had opened their very own Pandora's Box and she could never close it. To do that she would need Mulder's help and she couldn't ask and he would never offer. Pulling into herself she tried to shut reality out and drift to dream. Normally sleep came so easily and it hurt that it would become elusive when she needed it most. She didn't want to continue thinking. She didn't want to know what she had done. She didn't want to ask the question that could damn her forever. What if they never.... J Edgar Hoover Building Washington DC He sat watching her. She entered the cafeteria only moments before and he was instantly aware. His case file lay forgotten for a time as he watched her deft movements. Quickly she filled her tiny hands with a salad and root beer before paying for her inadequate lunch. She possessed a confidence that intrigued him. Absently he popped another sunflower seed into his mouth as she scanned the room. When their eyes met he immediately dropped his gaze. His heart pounded for some reason he was not willing to analyze. He knew that she probably hadn't been warned about him yet. She shouldn't have to tolerate the rumors that being seen with him would start. She looked young and innocent despite the quite conviction he read from her body language earlier. She shouldn't suffer from his idiosyncrasies. He hoped to God she didn't sit with him. The room was crowded but the tables nearest him were empty, as always. He silently prayed she would choose to dine alone and not seek out conversation. At least, not with him. He didn't want to have to frighten her away. Like he did with all the others. His head still down he heard the steady click of heels on linoleum over the drum of conversation in the cafeteria. Actually, conversation seemed to cease, and it only took him a second to discover the reason for the silence. "Agent Mulder?" He looked up into the bluest eyes he ever saw and did the unforgivable. He asked her to sit down. He watched with fascination as she pulled out the chair and situated herself comfortably. Nobody was comfortable around him. Not even Assistant Director Skinner. "I hope I'm not interrupting." Her voice was soft yet below the surface he detected a strength that again had him intrigued. "No, I was just grabbing lunch." He held up his bag which she raised a brow at. Again, intrigued. "So, Agent?" "Scully." "So, Scully, what can I do for you?" She heard the innuendo in his voice and chose to ignore it. She had heard about him and the last thing she wanted to do was let him know he affected her. "Actually, nothing Mulder, I just wanted to meet you. I heard a lot about you and I must say that I'm curious." The use of his surname didn't pass over him. Oh, she is a hard one. She's not going to frighten or fluster easy. Try a little harder. You know why she's here now, so shoo her away before she hurts you like the others have with their snickers and jokes. "Oh really, I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me." She laughed. She had actually laughed at his accusation. Now he was flustered. "Come on, Mulder. You're not serious." "So what did you hear that was so interesting that you just had to talk to me?" Its a trick Dana, donut fall for it. He waiting for a lie. Give him the truth and take his smug look down a few pegs. "You mean besides the 'Spooky' Mulder chases little green men stories?" He nearly choked on a seed. Never had anyone so blatantly voiced what people thought about him and his work. At least, not to his face. Immediately he felt a twinge of guilt for the childish test. God it was hard not to smile at him. A flutter of emotion passed over his face ranging from shock to amusement to chagrin. If she hadn't been watching she would have missed the facial play for he rigidly kept his face a mask. Much like she tried to do. She nearly grinned at his mumbled 'yeah, besides that'. Without betraying her mirth she looked him square in the eye before continuing. "I was wondering why one of the bureaus best minds was hiding in a basement searching for paranormal entities." "I'm not hiding, but I am searching." "For what, what could you possibly hope to find?" "The truth." "The truth about what?" He went on to tell her about his sister's abduction and she listened with an honest ear. She asked poignant questions that had him delving into his mind, searching for the answers. She challenged him as he did her. Shaking each other's foundation of faith slightly. Neither of them noticed the stares as they leaned towards each other. They never noticed the wide eyes as she placed a hand on his arm as comfort when the memories seemed too painful. And they never heard the nickname bandied about the room like candy. They were too aware of each others thoughts and words to notice everyone's interest in 'Spooky' Mulder and Mrs. 'Spooky'. The agents concentration was finally broke by a soft trilling noise coming from Scully's jacket. Pulling out a cell phone, she put it to her ear and answered. "Scully." Hearing a soft laugh from next to her she realized what she had done and scowled at him as she listened to the caller. "Yes. I'll be right there." Placing the phone back in her pocket she stood, glancing ruefully at her forgotten lunch. "Gotta go?" "Crime scene." "Oho, sounds like fun. Mind if I tag along?" "Fine with me...actually, you may be able to help. This case, it's a weird one. You should feel right at home." "Who's case?" "Tom Colton's. He's a friend of mine from the Academy. I'm sure he'd appreciate the help. As it stands we have three victims all killed within the last three weeks and no clear point of entry at any of the crime scenes. And all three victims had their livers extracted. Interested? I know Tom's just about fed up." "Sure, umm..just let me grab something from the office first. I'll meet you in the garage. Do you mind if I drive?" Scully looked startled. She had assumed that they would take two cars but it made sense to take one. They most likely wouldn't be there long. Just to check out the scene and to assess the body before transportation to the Autopsy bay. Accepting her own reasoning, she nodded before heading towards the parking garage. She'll have to inform Tom of her impromptu invite to Mulder. He would be upset but he did just say it was too weird for him to figure out. Who knows weird better then 'Spooky' Mulder? Smiling to herself she prepared herself as Tom answered on the fourth ring. FBI Bureau Baltimore, Maryland "Mulder!" Scully ran the last few feet to catch up to the angry agent. "Mulder, what are you doing?" "They're letting him go Scully. He's the killer and they're letting him go." They both stopped as Eugene Victor Tooms walked past them. A free man. "Mulder you should have told me about the polygraph." "I didn't think you'd listen to me." "I donut know about you, Mulder. You tell me things, important personal things, yet you donut feel comfortable telling me that you're about to ask a suspect if he's over one hundred years old. Then you act, I donut know, possessive." "Scully, I....God, I just get so frustrated. People are always laughing and making jokes over my theories that I've kind of gotten used to the lack of respect. Then you show up and listen to me. You really listen. You may not believe in what I'm saying but you heard me out. It means a lot to me. But if you donut want to be involved in my part of this investigation I'll respect that." Scully stood there in shock as he started up the stairs. A warm glow claimed her as she turned to follow Mulder. She had just changed her life although she didn't know just how. She only knew it would be different from now on. "I donut know Mulder." She grinned as she caught up to him and they ascended the stairs together. "You have to have more than just the polygraph to back up your theory and I have to see what it is." 66 Exeter St. Her mind was still reeling as they stepped out of the car and headed towards the dilapidated home of Eugene Victor Tooms. The liver eating mutant that had killed three people. The fingerprints from Tooms and Mulder's ninety year old x-file matched. It didn't make any sense. It was scientifically impossible. As they walked through the door into the shadows of a building long dead a part of her wanted to run back to the car and drive home. Where she would be safe. Another part of her, the stronger part, wanted to find Tooms and get the answers she craved for. They were going upstairs. The hand pressing against the small of her back calmed her. Grounded her fears and replaced them with an unknown feeling of peace. She would be okay. No matter what they discovered here she would be okay. He told her this with his hand, ever so gently against the small of her back. She had never known such a feeling. She never wanted to let it go. Tooms' apartment was empty, they found a hole in the wall behind a mattress. With a jolt of bravery gained from the man beside her, she descended into hell first. Swallowed. That's what it felt like. Ten little ladder rungs and a dark room made her feel like she had been swallowed. She shivered into the darkness, focusing only on the beam of light her flashlight provided. She was alone and adrift in a sea of blackness. Then it was there. The peace, the calm, his hand. She walked down the dank hall, bypassing the trinkets that proved another piece of Mulder's profile. A stench assailed her senses and she forced herself to swallow the rising tide within her throat. Squatting next to Mulder she stared at the mess in front of her. She watched as Mulder tentatively touched the revolting slime clinging to the manmade nest. "Oh my God, Mulder, I...I think it's bile." "Is there anyway to get this off quickly without betraying my cool exterior?" "Nobody could live in this." She sat there in amazement as Mulder launched into a theory about livers providing Tooms the ability to hibernate for thirty years. She couldn't argue. The bile was making her eyes water and stomach roll. She needed air. When they exited the building a short time later she nearly wept at the polluted air she gratefully pulled into her lungs. Druid Hill Sanitarium Baltimore, MD He saved me! I cant stop thinking about it. He burst into my apartment and saved me. I donut even want to know how he knew where I lived but he saved me. I guess I can forgive him for checking up on me. After all, he does have a lot of enemies. At least, one more since solving the case. I had to listen to Tom rant and rave about how I brought in the enemy to steal his glory. I couldn't believe it. Not one 'Are you okay Dana?' or 'Thank God that freak of nature is locked up'. He only cared about his damn career. What good is a career and respect if you aren't helping anyone. Mulder is happy to have Tooms behind bars. Well, kind of. He is like a child somehow, as if he just learned that the monsters under the bed also reside in the light of day. Maybe I just learned that too. I donut know how to react to this. I helped to resolve a case. And it was exciting. Much better than teaching on cadavers and the occasional autopsy request. I filed the paperwork, I helped to write the report, I helped to restrain a criminal. I loved it. I have to meet Mulder's AD today. He wants input on my assistance to Mulder on the case. I donut know what's going to happen. All I know is that this is what I want to do. I want to search for the answers. I want to uncover lies and seek the truth as Mulder does. I want to be 'Mrs. Spooky'. I hate my new nickname but I like what it represents. Involvement. Interaction. Knowing. I want to seek, hunt and find. I want to know. I can no longer be happy living in the dark. Mulder has shown me the light and I can not bear the thought of blindness again. I hear Mulder's words about Tooms. No, it's not enough. It will never be enough. I run my hand down his arm to comfort his little boy fears. Then without words we turn to leave. I know where I want to be. Next to him. J Edgar Hoover Building The Basement He couldn't believe that they had stuck him with another partner. He had no idea who they were sacrificing to the lions den but he knew who he wanted. He wanted Scully. She could be trusted. Eventually, he added with a smile. She had been willing to listen, to add her scientific fact as a ground wire to his electrified theories. Working with her made him feel like less of a freak. Like maybe he wasn't wasting his time on an impossible search for the elusive truth. A truth which he glimpsed but once briefly in his living room when he was twelve. A truth that might heal the broken soul of a lonely boy searching the sky for his sister, gone so long. Sighing, he turned his thoughts back to his new partner, due anytime now. This time they didn't even tell him his name. So he didn't even have any background information to use as ammunition against the spy who would be used as his destruction. He was completely unprepared for a new partner. He put on his glasses and turned towards the slide projector, preparing his test. He was so engrossed in his task that he didn't turn around as a knock on his door sounded. Glancing at his watch, right on time you spineless bastard. Smirking, he casually called out his own welcome. "Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted!" A soft clicking reached his ears and he nearly cried. A woman. They sent a woman. Well, if they thought they could win with this underhanded trick they were wrong. "Agent Mulder, I'll be your new partner." He knew that voice. What was she doing here. Realization dawned and he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. They knew he liked her, they knew he was close to trusting her. Those bastards! "Well, isn't nice to suddenly be so highly regarded. What did you do to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" "Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you." "I was under the impression you were sent to spy on me." "Back to that are we Mulder?" "If not a spy, then explain your presence in the uncharted territory of my office." "Our office. I requested the transfer." She noticed his shocked expression and felt her heart tremble for him. He had no idea what respect feels like. The thought hit her like a wave. It made her sad. It would take time to earn his trust, if she could earn it at all. She could be patient. Calmly she worked her way through the battery of tests he through at her. As he clicked through the slides with vigor she began to suspect that she would come to hate the innocent machine. Mulder was enjoying himself. He had a projector and he wasn't afraid to use it. Grinning to himself he launched into his questions, surprised by her quick intellectual come backs. Although she tried to shoot down his ideas with scientific fact he felt a kinship growing. She still had to pass one more test. He took a deep breath, then pulled out the big gun. "Do you believe in the existence of extra terrestrials?" "Logically? I'd have to say no." He listened as she continued with her scientific answer. He fired back with his homegrown philosophy. "What I find fantastic is any notion that there are any answers beyond the realm of science. The answers are there, you just have to know where to look." "That's why they put the 'I' in FBI." Oh yeah, this could work. Scully's Apartment She awoke with a jolt of realization. Her dream already fading but the impression it left behind filled her with a new resolve. She quickly showered and dressed. She wanted to get to the office as soon as possible. She needed to fix things and if her clock was right she was already an hour late for work. Mulder's Apartment Mulder lay on the couch digesting his dream. It hadn't been filled with demons or smoking monsters. It had been peaceful and informative. This was how he saw his partnership. He truly did. He respected and needed her guiding hand. Suddenly completely alert he rolled off the couch and headed towards the shower. It was then that he realized it was close to seven thirty. Damn! J Edgar Hoover Building The Basement She wasn't there. When he entered his, oops, their office, he had expected her to be sitting there with her angry glare from the night before still pasted on her face. But when he opened the door the room was empty. Fear instantly him gripped as he realized she was probably talking to Skinner about her reassignment as he stood there. With a boost of energy he ran to the elevator praying he could change her mind. Where was he? She had expected him to be sitting at his desk with his please forgive me puppy dog face. But he wasn't there. Had he done something stupid? Again? Fear gripped her chest as she automatically reached for her cell phone. His cell phone rang as he approached Skinner's door. Without stopping he put it to his ear as he tried to push past the AD's new pit bull secretary. "Mulder." "Where are you?" "Scully?" "Mulder, where are you? Are you okay?" "Where am I? Where the hell are you?" "Downstairs. In the office." "Stay there, I'm on my way." And he was. He arrived just as she was getting up for coffee. When he entered they just stared. All their thoughts vanished as they saw the look of apology in the other's eyes. "Mulder, I.." "Scully, I.." Neither moved. Scully saw a frown mar his forehead and repressed the urge to smooth it away as she had a hundred times. He saw the fear in her eyes and he knew she was getting ready to speak. For once, he let her go first. "Mulder, what is wrong with us?" "I donut know." "Why cant we just say what we want to say when we want to say it instead of letting it fester until it comes out all wrong and hurtful?" She started pacing the small confines of his office. No, their office. It was their office. Always has been. Always will be. Stopping she turned to Mulder and said what she should have said last night. The truth. "Mulder, I didn't mean what I said last night. I was angry and tired and resentful. I wanted to hurt you but I didn't want you to know why I was doing it. Hell, Mulder, I didn't want to know why I was doing it. All I know is that you hurt me sometimes with your disregard and thoughtless comments. I know it's not always intentional and that you donut know you're hurting me because I donut tell you. But I'm telling you now." "I started this whole thing Scully, and no, I'm not taking the whole blame this time. But I do take partial blame. I knew I was hurting you and I continued to do it. I guess I just wanted this...what we're doing now. Talking, openly and honestly about what's going on inside us. You hide that from me and sometimes I get so mad, no, Scully I get hurt when you lie straight faced to me and say you're fine. I know you're not. You're tired, or scared or just angry but you wont tell me and I want to know why. So when I see you shutting yourself up I attack. It is planned and well thought out and wrong. I apologize." "I donut tell you things because I need to be strong." "Not all the time." "Yes, Mulder, I do. At all times. If I let my guard down and let you in then you blame yourself. I donut want you to blame yourself for how I'm feeling, whether I'm tired, lonely or mad. Its not your fault because that's what I want to feel. If not I would have left a long time ago. But I haven't left Mulder because this is my life. The x-files are a part of me and I donut want to do or be anywhere else then right here, right now." "I always thought you felt stuck. This was all forced on you, it wasn't your choice." "But Mulder, it was. When they closed the files I could have walked right then and there and washed my hands of everything. I didn't. I fought with you and we got them back. We did that, not just you and not just me. We are partners and I want to stay partners as long as the truth remains out there." "I wouldn't know what to do without you Scully." She heard it then. The affection, the need, the bond. All wrapped up in her last name. He didn't use her surname out of disrespect or for distance. He used it to hold her near, to protect and nurture and cherish. He respected her mind, her choices and her conviction. She held him up when the wind blew, she shielded him from the rain and she drew him from shadows into the light. Together they could win this game they played. But only if they were together as they are now. Tenderly she grabbed his hand and squeezed. Looking into his eyes she told him what she was afraid to tell him. She told him in one sentence exactly what he meant to her and how essential he was to her life. "You are my best friend." Then she sobbed against his chest as he hugged her to him. Yeah, they could win. The End For Now Flame or Praise let me know, Thanx.