From: DanaK35 Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 21:45:57 +0100 Subject: NEW: A Perfect World (1/1) by DanaK35 Title: A Perfect World Author: DanaK35; DanaK35@excite.com URL: http://members.tripod.com/danak35/ Archiving: sure, let me know where though Rating: PG-13 Classification: V, Angst, MSR implied Spoilers: everything up to recent Season 8 spoilers is fair game Keywords: Scully's POV, Angst Summary: In a perfect world things would be different Author's notes: my first attemp at writing after a bad case of writer's block... Disclaimer: 'The X-Files' and all 'The X-Files' related characters and situations are the intellectual property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the FOX network. The following material is not intended to infringe on the above copyright in any way. Which means, they aren't mine, yak yak yak...you know the drill! A Perfect World By DanaK35 I close the apartment door behind me. Darkness and silence close in on my like a living thing. In a perfect world, the voice of my beloved would greet me and his arms would envelope me in their warm security. But this isn't a perfect world and I am alone. I turn on all the lights and the stereo to banish the quiet and the darkness, before I shrug out of my jacket. The counters of the kitchen sparkle as if nobody had been cooking or eating in here for weeks, which is true. I don't like to be alone anymore and so I spend more time at the office or at the headquarters of the gunmen, than in my apartment. After I have put on the kettle I wander into the bedroom, pausing to look at my reflection in the wardrobe mirror in ever growing astonishment. My hair is shiny and I have the proverbial glow on my face, that pregnant women are supposed to have. But I am not glowing inside. In a perfect world, my beloved would step behind me now, encircling my swollen belly with his arms, gently caressing it, admiring the new life we have created. But this isn't a perfect world and so I step in front of the mirror alone. I take of my jacket and lift the shirt I have been wearing untucked. The top button of my trousers doesn't close anymore and I am definitely showing now. Curious looks have been following me around the office all day. People were counting, wondering just who the father of Dana Scully's child could be. In a perfect world, Mulder would be with me and we would be happy and proud, oblivious to the stares and sharp remarks, the false compassion. But this isn't a perfect world and so Mrs. Spooky has to face it all alone. My hand gently wraps around my belly and I am rewarded by a little kick from you. In a perfect world I would be beaming with joy but instead I am still trembling with shock at what I almost did to you. At what they almost did to you. My first glimpse at you on an ultrasound screen would have been a happy, expectant one, not one that made me tremble with fear. And even though it showed a healthy baby, the printed pictures I received later showed something different. You weren't my perfect baby. You were something out of a nightmare and when I was told that you were deformed and it was better to abort the pregnancy, I almost agreed. I did not waste one minute on the thought of them trying to kill you before you were even born. Skinner convinced me to get a second opinion. The gunmen took me to someone I could trust. I had to trust. The ultrasound was perfect again. My perfect little girl. 'How could I have ever forgiven myself?' I ask aloud and you kick me again. In a perfect world I would not have had to make that decision all by myself. Your father would have been there with me. In a perfect world your father would want to be a father to you, not just a donor. It might be a good thing after all, that you were created not in an act of science, but in an act of love. Science failed, but love, even if only one night of passionate love, created the wonder I have been waiting for, for so long. In a perfect world, your father and I would be waiting for you together, anxiously waiting for the time we could hold you in our arms but this isn't a perfect world and your father is not here. Even if he was I don't know if he would be as anxious as I am. He has always been afraid of what the next step would do to our relationship. But I know deep in my heart, that we are perfect for each other. One night of passion, one night were we did not hide our feelings or cared about the next day brought this miracle upon me and maybe, just maybe your existence will make your father forget his fears. We wouldn't be lonely anymore. Then maybe it could become a perfect world after all. END What did you think?? Feedback is welcomed at: DanaK35@exite.com -- You will find me, down by the river, getting high on my mortality - Sinad Lohan 1999