From: HeavenInTrouble@aol.com Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2001 11:34:17 EDT Subject: Perfection at 3 am Source: direct Title: Perfection at 3 am Author: Jessica Heaven Rating: PG-ish, maybe G, depends on how you interpret it Keywords: I guess babyfic, maybe a little MSR thrown in for good measure? Spoilers: You know she's having a baby, right? Good! Then this is a spoiler-free zone Disclaimer: They are so not mine. If they were, you can assure they'd be treated a lot better than they are. They belong to Fox and 1013. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money. Distribution: Just tell me where, and I'll go there Feedback: Would be splendiferously wonderful. I'm a fanfic virgin, so be gentle. . . Summary: A view into Scully's thoughts at 3 am Author's Notes: I don't really know why I wrote this, it was just in my head and I decided to put it down on paper. This is my very first "published" fanfic, I have a few more written down I haven't put up yet. All in time, I suppose. Warning - this has only been beta-read by me, so beware of mistakes. Enjoy! ******************** Perfection at 3 am by Jessica Heaven ******************** The baby is awake again. For the fourth night in a row since I brought her home from the hospital, she is screaming at the top of her lungs. This child does not enjoy sleep. Who can blame her though? Who can blame any baby who's been living at 98.6 for 9 months and is suddenly thrust into a cold, cruel world? Not me. I wish I was in a 98.6 degree world right about now. Instead, I am dressed in a flimsy maternity nightgown, fighting severe exhaustion and the malfunctioning heater to rescue my daughter from the perils of hunger. At 2 am. "Hey, Hannah." I coo as I pick the red-faced baby up. She immediatley quiets down as I unbutton my nightgown so she can nurse. "Happy to see you are satisfied." I chuckle as she makes a contented little squeak in response. I look around the room in the semi-darkness. Since my apartment is only one bedroom, for the time being Hannah has to sleep in a bassinett in my room. My mother keeps telling me "Buy a bigger apartment. Pretty soon she won't be able to sleep in your room anymore." I don't know why I don't buy a bigger place. Too many memories attached to this one, I guess. Good memories, bad memories. Indifferent memories. I don't want to forget them. That's not saying a new apartment will make them slip away, but it's like there's something thare that would be missing otherwise. Hannah finishes nursing and I lay her back in her bassinett. I kiss her forehead and watch her little face slip back into sleep. She has big grey eyes, that could end up my blue or Mulder's hazel. She has rosy baby cheeks, and a perfect little rosebud mouth. Everything about her is perfect. Mulder is convinced she looks like him. I don't see it, but then again, all babie kind of look the same. Maybe she does. I can only hope. I can only hope she didn't inherit his love for the unexplained, though. One Spooky is bad enough. He reads H.G. Wells to her, and is looking for a stuffed alien doll for her plush collection. Even though he complains they are always green, when really aliens are grey. God, I hope she turns out to be more like me. I slip under the covers once more, back into my warm little cocoon of sleep. The glaring red numbers on the clock read 2:28 am. I suddenly realize if I call fall back to sleep it will ba a miracle. Insomnia comes in handy when you have a baby, I'm told. Not always. I groan. I'm wide awake now. Might as well make some tea. Tea has a calming effect on me. I should investigate the ingredients to find out why. I fill the tea kettle with tap water and turn on the stove. Waiting for the water to heat up, I sit down at the kitchen table. It is spread with photos of Hannah. Pictures of Hannah at the hospital, in my arms. In Mulder's arms, in my mother's arms. Even on of her being held by Skinner. We made him the honorary godfather. It was the only time he did hold her, and the look on his face is that of pure joy. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. My mother also. Hannah is her first granddaughter. She has Matthew, and Charlie's kids Jake and Josh, but there is just something about a little girl that is different. I can picture my mom's Christmas presents to her: frilly pink dresses with ruffles and embroidery. I smile. Hannah would look so cute in that type of dress, sitting in Mulder's lap near the tree at Christmastime. A perfect little family. The kettle starts to whistle and I rush to turn off the heat so Hannah won't wake up. I pour the hot liquid into a mug and drop the tea bag in. I look back at the pictures as I dunk the bag in and out of the mug. There is one of Mulder planting a kiss on Hannah's forehead, like he always used to do to me. Like he still does, actually. Sweet and tender, a loving daddy and his baby girl. My mom took that picture, I was too bleary-eyed from emotional tears. The clock on the wall says 2:41. I wonder what Mulder is doing right now. He's been packing his stuff, he plans to move in with Hannah and I. Yet another supporting arguement for a bigger apartment. He probably fell asleep in bed. Like I wish I could do. I sigh, and take a sip of my tea. I take another look at the pictures, and I see one I've never seen before. Mulder was helping me sort through them yesterday, I must have overlooked it. It's Mulder, holding Hannah in his arms so that her feet are against his chest and her head is in his palms. She is looking directly into his eyes, which are full of emotion. An unspoken love, I think. Just like the one we have. I can't believe I've never noticed this picture before. I pick it up and carry it and my tea back into the bedroom. My nightstand has an empty picture frame on it, one that used to hold an ultrasound photo of Hannah. That was one reason for the picture-sorting, I wanted to find the perfect picture for my frame. And I think I've found it. This one definitley deserves to be put in a place where I can see it before I go to sleep and the moment I wake up. I take out the back section of the frame, and postion the photo in place. As I set it back on my nightstand, I think about how perfect everything is now. If only I could flash-freeze this moment in time, like the picture, my life would be complete. This is prfection at 3 am. - fini ******************** Well, tell me what you think, Honestly. Just email me at HeavenInTrouble@AOL.com.