From: "Angela L. Jacobs" <aljacobs@students.wisc.edu>
Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 21:21:02 -0500
Subject: title by author
Source: direct

TITLE: Personal Gain
AUTHOR: Cleo
SPOILERS: Gethsemaine, Redux I 
CATEGORY: MSR, Scully/Marita slash, Scully angst
RATING:  R
SUMMARY:  Gethsemaine with a Covarrubias twist.  Scully bravely 
tries to save Mulder's dignity and career, but discovers a deep 
connection to his secret government contact. 
FEEDBACK:  Yes, please!  To:  Cleodessa@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: (for my sister who reads these for their cleverness) 
CC is the Prophet most high proclaiming the truths unknown, my 
words blasphemous, condemning me to eternal damnation for using 
them in vain.


XxX
U.S./Canadian border
 
We drove through the night, the top of the convertible remained 
down until the evening air became too chilly.  My sundress offered 
little comfort from the drafty car, or protection against sticking 
to its vinyl seats.  I was not accustom to wearing such a little 
clothing, and forgot how uncomfortable it was.    The strap on my 
left shoulder kept falling which didn't help detract Mulder, who 
was already paying close attention to the small floral print that 
barley came down to my knees. I caught him looking plenty of 
times, and he didn't try to hide the fact either.  In my haste to 
pick out a disguise, I managed to grab something that didn't fit 
quite right. 
 
At least I was a little closer with Mulder's shirt.  I remember 
watching as he drove the big car in silence, one hand lightly on 
the wheel, the other resting in his lap.  The big Hawaiian print 
hid his lanky frame; its bright colors drown him more than it's 
size.  I watched him, thinking how there was more distance between 
us now, just in the last couple of months.  We hadn't discussed my 
health sense I told him about the image I'd seen in the bathroom 
of that college girl. 

He shaved that day, for the first time sense he told me about the 
body in his apartment, leaving a new goatee covering his upper lip 
and chin.  I decided to go along with his charade, letting the 
world believe he shot himself that night.  I lied for him, but for 
my own reasons as well.  If there was any truth to these lies we 
were led to believe, I wanted to find it.  I needed to find it.

Canada seemed the only safe place for Mulder to go, under the 
circumstances, to hide.  There, he could sneak back to the site 
where the alien body was discovered, and look for anything that 
might have been missed. It was our last hope to gather any 
conclusive evidence to help our case.  I was to return to DC after 
accompanying him, in disguise as his wife, across the border.  It 
wasn't exactly what I had in mind.  But Mulder accurately pointed 
out that we were headed for Niagara Falls, the honeymoon Mecca of 
the new world.  How could I argue that one?  Frohicke's work was 
at it's his best. Our phony passports were better than anything 
our guys at the Bureau lab could have done.  I pushed thoughts 
back about the consequences, if we were caught with those forged 
documents in our possession.  I accepted the risks going along 
with Mulder, no matter what details were involved.

When we finally reached the line at customs, Mulder looked 
exhausted.  The setting sun cast golden rays and long shadows 
across his face.   I remember the breeze playing at his hair, and 
the collar of that awful shirt.   I wondered what he was thinking 
as we crept forward in the line.  Was he thinking about his jaunt 
to the site?  Was he really more concerned than he was letting on?  
Or was it personal thoughts that caused the deep wrinkles between 
his brow.   I kept my hands in my lap to prevent the breeze from 
blowing the short linen fabric around, exposing my legs.  I don't 
know what I was thinking when I picked this floral print dress 
out.  I hadn't. I was worried about this whole situation.  If we 
were stopped at customs and detained for possession of false Id's, 
our chance to prove what we believed to be true would be lost.  
Not to mention that we might loose our jobs, and be charged with a 
criminal act as well.  I worried that I wouldn't be able to save 
Mulder this time, that I couldn't save him from himself.  

The customs officer asked us the usual battery of questions: if we 
were bringing any firearms, fruit or elicit drugs in with us.  I 
remember jumping more than I do the actual act.   In response to 
the inspector's inquiry, Mulder dropped his hand heavily onto my 
thigh.  To distance myself I rationed that it was to illustrate we 
were a newly married couple, as he told the inquisitive officer we 
didn't need anything but each other.   At the time I dismissed the 
fact that my skin tingled under his heavy palm, or that his 
fingers wrapped themselves around under my knee.   I still haven't 
decided if I jumped because our future at the FBI depended on 
this, or if it was because Mulder's hand had actually been on my 
bare thigh.  Logically, of course I'd argue the former, but it's 
was the latter that I pondered.  

I picked up his warm hand and laced his fingers with my own.  This 
impulsive action evoked a side-glance from my partner, but when I 
informed the inspector we were planning to stay only a few weeks, 
a knowing smile came from Mulder.  A smile received by anyone else 
might have caused one's heart to flutter, but I have learned to 
expect such seduction from him as foreplay to a battle of wits.  A 
couple smart pats to the back of his hand, while smiling up at the 
inspector, had redrawn the unspoken lines of our boundaries that 
until then, seemed to be widening.

Before I left him at the hotel, he told me I was to meet with his 
contact.  Certain highly classified documents were secured 
regarding our situation.  I was to meet at this contact's 
apartment in New York and obtain the documents there.  Mulder's 
face held the look of a caged animal: restless, angry and 
helpless.  I understood as he told me that he trusted this person.  
Not since the beginning had either of one of us taken those words 
lightly.  I needed to trust him, he was the only one I could 
trust.  But we knew little about Marita Covarrubias.  The only 
thing I knew for certain was that Mulder's last contact led him to 
her.  With his dying strength, he left the letters designating her 
title at the Secretary General's office, scrawled in his own 
blood.   

Mulder stopped me with his hand on my shoulder.  I remember 
turning to find his familiar gaze holding mine.  He said nothing, 
as his hand slid down my arm.  Involuntarily, I blinked as his 
hand lightly grazed past my own.  I welcomed the step forward he 
took invading my personal space, as he quietly wished me good 
luck.  


XxX
New York, NY

Pacing my living room floor eased my nerves some, but looking at 
my watch reminded me how futile the effort was.  She was going to 
be here soon to retrieve the file I told them I would have.  My 
orders were to give them this file full of bogus information, but 
what they didn't know was that I replaced the facts in the file.  
I made the conscious decision to sell out my superiors when I 
learned of the assassination.  In the beginning, he was the reason 
for my loyalty.  The reason for my existence, but now that he 
might be gone...  

How else could one explain the outcomes in life, without looking 
back into childhood.  Thinking back, it seems like a dream. My 
childhood was a mess of abuse and foster homes, add growing up on 
the streets, running with a gang and selling my first score of 
coke before my thirteenth birthday.   

My addiction came later.  I told myself that I'd never get hooked, 
but like many other things, I was wrong.  That's when my life took 
an unexpected turn.  If I chose a different path, or made one 
different decision, my fate might have had entirely different out 
come.  Most likely, I'd have overdosed, or been shot in some back 
alley.

We were in unfamiliar territory, no contacts to turn to.  I was 
desperate and we reverted to 'knocking off' a drugstore. I was 
along for the ride, by then my shakes made me a useless by-
stander. Needless to say, the police interrupted us, and we were 
taken down.  All of them, but me.  I survived.  That was twenty 
years ago last month.  	

I've pondered it many times, a lot recently, why I was the one 
spared.   At the time I didn't appreciate the opportunity forced 
upon me. I was recruited, I guess, right out of my cell.  Before I 
knew I was rehabilitated from the drugs, it I was being trained. 
Trained in everything, from explosives and assembly of firearms, 
to edict and protocol.  I resisted at first, I was a rebellious 16 
years old after all.  But something inside me shifted then. I 
realized that this could be my chance to start over.  This was 
something I was good at, or could learn to be good at.  My life 
would finally have a purpose, meaning.  I could achieve something 
in this world.  I worked hard and I was driven.  Though my 
assignments started out minor, with each mission I accomplished, I 
gained the confidence of my superiors.  I was accepted into a 
family.  A family I needed as much as they had a need for me.   	

When they took me to meet Him, I knew I was in.  He was the one in 
charge of the program that redeemed me, given me another chance.  
I wanted to impress him.  I was told that he had taken an interest 
in my work, and wanted to meet with me. 

I admired the well-established older man, and wanted to do all I 
could to win trust and acceptance.  It was soon after that I moved 
to more important and international jobs.  From there, it was a 
mere step into the position I currently hold. A position I 
relished, as I was able to gather many international secrets and 
report them as needed.  I did it because I liked the power and 
control it gave me.  I was proud of my accomplishments and felt I 
found my place, until I found the scar on my neck.

Some might say I've come a long way.  I have an office, a title 
and a big apartment downtown.  My work takes me around the world, 
and I have a social life.  I take a certain satisfaction in my 
work.  It gives me a purpose.  	Things changed when I took this 
cover position with the Secretary General four years ago.  My eyes 
were opened to a plan much larger than I could imagine.  It was 
all encompassing and I was proud to be part of it.  I met the rest 
of the Group.  I finally felt I earned my place in this family, in 
His family. 

He's been in my life for the last ten years, and is the closest 
thing to a father I've ever known.  I looked up to him, as 
something I wanted to aspire to, and now he may be dead.  

I was to close to him at the time to see it coming. I can only put 
this into some kind of order in retrospect.  I don't know the 
exact date I realized he betrayed me.  It was after we got rid of 
the original leak that another one sprung up in its place.  With 
the identification of the new informer, we realized the only way 
to prevent the cycle from continuing was to plant the next 
contact, me.  It worked.  

He sought me out, coming to me like they knew he would. Mulder was 
spoiled, expecting the predecessor to lead him to the next honest 
traitor.   Never before had I met someone so dedicated and driven.  
I showed him the information he wanted to see.  That he needed to 
see in order for me to gain his trust.  Our professional 
relationship began then.  Like many of my other marks, I gathered 
all the information there was on him.  I was taken in by his 
passion and his commitment to his search.  I felt a pang of guilt 
for the first time in my life.   I knew he or his partner didn't 
have a chance.  I found her just as fascinating.  This woman stuck 
by his side, suffered personal and professional loss in order to 
do so.   I allowed myself to wonder about her when I realized the 
parallels in our lives.  She to was working with a man she cared 
deeply for, and would do anything to protect him.  But, knowing 
Mulder the way I do now, I know he would never betray her as I had 
been.

Recently I realized something was being kept from me.  My 
clearance was high enough to get any data I needed, but suddenly 
the information I requested was off limits. Then I received word 
from my physician.  Conformation of the worst kind.  I now 
possessed tangible proof of the double cross.  I intend to find 
him, if he was still alive, and let him know I would not be cut 
out like this.  I deserve more after all I've done for him.
 	
 
XxX


	I felt the cab lurch me to the present as it stopped, I looked 
out to see a tall apartment building in front of me.  It had been 
a long 72 hours, and my body ached from exhaustion.  I didn't know 
how much strength I had left.   I couldn't tell Mulder the test 
results showed that my cancer metastasized.  But I hadn't realized 
that the physical effects of it would be so great.  Over the past 
couple of weeks, it was all I could do to make it through the 
workday, but I kept it from Mulder.  Perhaps it hadn't been him 
who put the distance between us.   Telling him that my condition 
worsened wouldn't change the fact that I was dying from it.  He 
would have wanted to help, but there was nothing more he could do.  

The elevator opened at the end of a long hallway, and I shook off 
the desolate feeling as I wondered about this Covarrubias.  Mulder 
met with her only a few times, but the look in his eyes when he 
talked about her made me wonder what about her held him so 
captive.  His other two contacts were men, and hadn't been a 
threat to his perspective.  I smoothed at the crease again that 
was set in my suit jacket, and tried to scrunch some body back 
into my hair.  I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

XxX
I was snapped out of my self-induced reminiscing, by the sound of 
a soft knock at the door.  She was here.  I pulled my hand from 
the back of my neck as I quickly looked from the file in my bag 
that would seal my excommunication from the group, and back at the 
door.  Was I really doing the right thing?  Had I become paranoid 
and over reacted?  I moved quietly to the door and looked out the 
peephole.	

XxX
'Who is it?'  Her deep voice muffled from behind the door.
I'm Agent Scully...' I stopped when the door opened.
'Come in, please.'  Covarrubias moved back, allowing me to enter.  
I watched, as the tall blond woman remained in her door way 
momentary to look down her hall after me, and then close the door 
again just as quickly.

I was immediately astounded by the seriousness of this woman's 
features. I could tell even without her heals; she stood a good 
three inches above me.  She would have seen almost eye to eye with 
Mulder.  Her straight blond hair hung perfectly down next to chin.  
Her suit made mine look second hand, and she probably was dressed 
down.  I had to look away from her intense ice-blue eyes 
momentarily to gather my composure.  The way she looked at me with 
her steel eyes, made me forget the importance of this nightly 
visit.  It felt as if she were looking into me, as if she knew me.  
I envied her calm reproach, in contrast to my disheveled 
appearance.  

XxX
'Agent Scully.' my voice was crisp and professional as usual.  
'Thank you for agreeing to meet me in my home.'  
'Agent Mulder said you have something for me?'  her tone was a bit 
defensive. 
'Yes.  I think this compiled file will help you greatly in your 
case before the panel tomorrow evening.' I noticed her tired face, 
but saw the pain behind her eyes.  I knew her history, official 
and unofficial.  Knowing of Mulder's alleged suicide, I looked 
deep into her sapphire eyes.  I saw intensity and passion that 
matched her partners and knew instantly that he must still be 
alive.  It was a scam, a scam I should have realized instantly but 
I was blinded by my personal discoveries, and distracted from my 
usual state of alertness.

XxX
The woman's cool voice reflected the shade of her eyes.  I watched 
as she discreetly glanced at me, taking in my appearance.  I 
suddenly felt very exposed, vulnerable.  I felt a wall come up 
inside, to protect.  Why did I care what she thought of me?  Maybe 
because she was beautiful, and I imagine, was respected by her 
peers.  Something I lost once assigned to Mulder and his X Files. 
A quest I have now taken on as my own.  

I suddenly became aware of my father's absence in my life, and his 
disapproval.  I thought of Mulder, understanding his preoccupation 
with her.  I could never compete with her.  I pushed the jealous 
feelings back, not sure why they surfaced.  We had no claims on 
each other, and it wasn't important right now anyway. 

I watched as Covarrubias turned from me and moved in what seemed 
to be a deliberately graceful walk over to her attaché case on the 
living room chair.  I looked down at the manila folder she was 
holding by her side.  All I wanted was to get that file, and go 
home.

XxX
I handed her the folder and looked into her eyes again.  I could 
tell now why she had stayed with Agent Mulder.  There was more in 
it now for her than just a spotless career record.  There was her 
own personal crusade for justice that drove her, and it shone 
through her eyes.  Though she did not know yet, I now sympathized 
with her pain and her plight.  I saw something else in her eyes, 
an energy that came from her innocent honesty.  I don't think I've 
ever experienced such intensity from one person before.   She met 
my gaze as I extended the file towards her.	

XxX
I took the file, grateful that I would be able to leave soon, but 
noticed her hand linger before she let go.  Meeting her eyes 
again, I saw something familiar flash across her stoic features.  
I had seen that look before, it haunted me.

I nodded my thanks, suddenly not knowing if I could depend on my 
voice.   I turned towards the door.  Why were all these feelings 
surfacing in the presence of this woman?  Why now?  Blaming it on 
being tired seemed to easy an explanation.  Something provoked 
this, I didn't usually feel so strongly towards other people.  
Maybe it was because Mulder seemed captivated by her, and it was 
all I could do lately to get him to respond to me.  But there was 
something more when I looked at this woman.  Something stirred 
from deep within, something no words can describe.  Suddenly, I 
found myself turning on my heal to face her.

'I have to know...' I paused.  'Why you are helping us?'  My voice 
carried more strength than I thought it would.
	
XxX
A small smile broke through my lips, as she froze onto my gaze. 
'We've all had to take orders without thought of consequence, 
Agent Scully.'   I answered cryptically.

'Because if there is anything in here that will hurt Agent Mulder 
or...'

'You don't trust me, do you'?  I cut her off.

'No.  I don't.'  I saw through her stone face, through to the 
emotions underneath she desperately tired to hold in check.  'I 
have no reason to.'

'Than why are you here?' my accusing words rolled off my tongue.

'Because my partner trusts you.'  she shot at me.

XxX
I thought back remembering Mulder's words to me long ago, that I 
was the only one he trusted.  And now, suddenly this woman some 
how gained that privilege too?  I watched her nod in agreement to 
my last accusation.  

'My divulgence of this information isn't proof enough?' her crisp 
voice cut through the air.  'I've risked my career as well as my 
life for this.'  she gestured towards the folder full of secrets I 
now held tightly in my hand.

'Why now?'  If she was in a position to help us, why hadn't she 
done so already.

'It has only recently become safe for me to do so.  My 
predecessors have all died helping your partner with this crusade 
of his.'  she blinked her clear icy eyes. 'An importance I think 
you can appreciate.'

'What's in it for you?'  I needed to know what her justifications 
for betraying whom ever she worked for.  If she could turn on 
them, what was to prevent her from turning on us?

'I thought it was fairly obviously.'

Putting on my best interrogation face, I waited.  She wavered 
slightly before turning and moving over towards her front window, 
opposite the door.

XxX	
'You and I have more in common than you realize.'  I turned, not 
wanting her to see that control over my emotions was slipping. 

'What?' I felt her move towards me, unable to grasp what I was 
alluding to. 

'I've been working for a man both you and Agent Mulder have come 
to know of.'  I wanted her to know the truth.  I wanted her to 
trust me.  There was no one else for me to turn.

XxX
I thought, looking absentmindedly at the folder in my hand.  My 
mind spun, going nowhere from over use and sheer exhaustion. 

'I have only just recently received information regarding his 
assassination.'  her voice weakened.  I was quiet a moment before 
the only plausible answer became clear.

'The man who smokes Morleys.'  the insight flooded my senses, 
though my voice remained calm.  Skinner pulled me into his office 
that day and told me to pass the information on to Mulder.  They 
found blood at the scene, but no body.  I felt my stomach drop, 
and fist clench in anger as Covarrubias turned back to look at me.  
It was more a reaction than premeditated.  I watched as my fist 
made contact to her lower left cheek.  

XxX
I turned to see Scully clench her fist, but it didn't register 
fast enough to react.  In my field days, I would have had her on 
the floor before she could even follow through with that thought.  
But being behind a desk most of the year had diffused my defense 
training.  I felt the blow and watched as the world went bright 
white and then momentarily black from the pain.  

Catching my breath, I faced her and collected myself.  It was 
surprising that such a small women could deliver with such force.  
I leveled my eyes onto hers and reached up to cover my burning 
flesh with the back of my hand.  I flashed through all the 
technique I'd been taught on how to take down an armed attacker, 
assessing which would be best in this situation.  All those hours 
logged in self-defense training hadn't been lost.	

Her anger, and the betrayal she felt, shown brightly through her 
now glistening sapphire eyes.  All thoughts of a counter attack 
left my mind as I realized I had a long way to go before I could 
gain Scully's trust.  But she did not know the whole story yet.  I 
was hoping to avoid it, but telling her might be the only way now. 

XxX
'You've been using Mulder all along?!'  I shook the pain in my 
knuckles from thought.  'What is this?'  I held up the file.  
'More lies?  Were these your orders all along?  To feed us bogus 
information, to steer us in the wrong direction?!'  my heart 
pounded in my ears, and I could tell my cheeks were flushed.  

I watched as Covarrubias, though I caught her off guard, recovered 
quickly as if my punch barely fazed her.  I don't even think she 
blinked.  Her lack of reaction to such a physical display of anger 
made me think she was use to being hit.  It takes a lot of 
practice to not react after being hit in the face.  	

'You don't understand...' her momentary control of emotions 
lessened.

'Your right.' this time I cut her off.

'Scully, I can explain.'  I watched as she gently touched her 
cheek again.

'I don't think I want to hear your explanations.  You and the man 
you worked for have already caused enough pain in mine, and Agent 
Mulder's lives.'  I dropped the file on the coffee table and 
turned to leave, but her hand caught my arm.  Looking back, I 
tried to shake her grip. 

'I know about your abduction.'  she paused, seeing me frown.

'Let go of me.'
	
'They took me Dana.'  my emotions now unbound.  I felt the tears 
melt in the corners of my eyes, but refused to let them fall to my 
cheeks.  'The bastards took me too.'  I loosened my hand on her 
arm.

XxX
'What?'  her voice held the weakness I now felt inside. 
I knew the only way she was going to believe me was if I had 
physical proof to show her.  This was Scully, the unbeliever.  She 
needed proof to make any kind of sense in this world.  Something 
to separate all the discreditable stories her partner fed her, 
from the actual mysteries of the world that might be proven.  I 
turned away from, unbuttoned the top button on my blouse and 
lowered it down so she could see the back of my neck.	

XxX
I watched, bewildered, as she turned and moved the back of her 
jacket collar, and blouse down, exposing a small scar at the base 
of her hairline.  I frowned, exhaling through my mouth as things 
became suddenly clear.   I now understood the complexity of my 
feelings for this woman.  I had seen that look in her eyes before, 
mirrored in my own.  The vague sense of familiarity, of being 
drawn to her, but yet discomposed, had been the unspoken pain we 
both endured.  

'These men have no morals, no sense of loyalty,' the crispness now
returned to her voice.  

I looked up at the exposed scar in front of me.  I reached for her 
neck, I had to touch it.  My hand hovered above the small-
discolored patch of skin momentarily.  A tear rolled down my cheek 
as I closed my eyes, realizing that what I was feeling was real.  
It was as if I were touching my own neck.  

I opened my eyes when she turned back to face me.  Anguish 
replaced my anger as I looked into her liquefied steel blue eyes 
with a newfound understanding.  

XxX
'This is why I have decided to help you.'  I gestured we sit on 
the couch next to us, with a soft hand to her shoulder.  Scully 
looked grateful to have something solid under her.  

'What did they do to me?' she blurted out.  'To us?' all the 
energy seemed drained from her eyes.  She closed them momentarily, 
collecting her thoughts. 

XxX
There was no one I could confide in, no one with whom could 
empathize with my loss.   I couldn't ask the Bureau councilor, or 
even Mulder to explain what happened to me. This was the only 
woman who understood.  I hadn't known I was barren when I talked 
to Penny, and hadn't been willing to entertain any alternative 
explanations of my abduction until recently. 

'I don't know.'  Covarrubias' voice was deep and soft.  'I'm 
afraid I don't know much more than you.  Unfortunately there are 
only a chosen few who do.  This is why it must be brought to 
light.'

'How?'  I looked into her unwavering eyes, hoping to grasp some 
understanding. 

I paused before responding. I hadn't figured out exactly how much 
she needed to know, or how much I was willing to tell her. 

'I am in possession of evidence that will expose these men for 
what they are.  But I'm going to need your and Agent Mulder's 
help.'

'What is it?'  she leaned forward, her full attention now on me.  

'It will have to be planed carefully, to prevent disclosure of 
this information to the wrong people.'  

'How can I trust you?  How do I know if this isn't another ploy to 
spread more disinformation?'

'I have yet to gain your trust?'  I wasn't actually surprised that 
she wanted to know more, or that she needed more.  This woman 
trusted a select few, which didn't include me.  I decided to see 
exactly how far she would go on this little information. 'What 
more must I give you Agent Scully?'

XxX
'I...I'm sorry.  It's just I find it hard...' I stammered, 
realizing I have become as paranoid as Mulder, unable to trust 
anyone who offers help.

'It's understandable, but I can only assure you that I am here to 
help.  The path I've chosen is... there is no turning back for me 
now.'  her crisp voice distant in thought.  I looked at her, 
realizing the peril she brought to her own life in coming forward 
to help us.

'Is you're life in danger?'

'Not any more.'  I watch as her icy eyes fix on me.  'I too have 
had the chip removed...'

I waited, letting my words sink in, but she didn't seem to be 
grasping the importance of the whole picture.  Maybe she didn't 
know the connection.  Perhaps Agent Mulder had kept this from her 
too.
	
XxX
Why was the removal of her chip so important?  I had mine removed, 
as well all those other women...

'Oh God, the chip.'  my mind spun as the missing link dropped into 
place.  'My cancer?'  I whispered, unable to believe it was 
possible.
	
I nodded in conformation; my face betrayed the feelings of 
vulnerability that began to bubble in my stomach, as I was about 
to reveal such dangerous personal information. 

'If you knew the out come of the removal of the chip to your 
health, why remove it?'  I tried not to listen to the part of my 
brain that was warning me not to believe her, not to believe the 
lie.  But this lie was the most plausible I've heard.  Why would 
Covarrubias put her own life in jeopardy to give me this 
information if it weren't true?
	
XxX
'This disease is not the only consequence that the removal of the 
chip has.  I licked my lips before continuing.  I was not in the 
habit of disclosing so much information, or the thoughts behind 
those decisions.  'There is another reason to remove it.'

'What?'  she looked determinedly into my eyes, though I could tell 
she was afraid of what I was about to tell her.  I was giving her 
the information her and Agent Mulder had been struggling to piece 
together sense her abduction.  Information that led to the truth.

'Your suspicions about the metallic implants in your abductor were 
right Scully.' I leaned forward, hoping to emphasize my words. I 
watched as she thought back, searching her memory for anything 
that would help unravel this mystery.  'They also use it to track 
people.  Mulder was also right when he guessed that was how Duane 
Berry was able to find you...' I paused when she stiffened with 
the mention of his name.  '...The things you've been shown, the 
train car, the fertility clinics...They were only parts of the 
whole.'

'Why?  I don't understand.' she stood, and crossed my living room 
floor, trying to put the conformation to their suspicions in some 
kind of order. 'Mulder and I have spent the last five years of our 
lives chasing these rumors and vague leads, only to have you sit 
here and confirm them?'   I watched as she moved back to stand in 
front of me.  Irritated, she waited for an explanation.  'Why tell 
us now?'

'What I'm about to tell you, Agent Mulder is unaware of.  And I'm 
sure even the men to whom I've been answering to don't know.'  I 
know if I don't tell her, she will never agree to help me.  

'What? What is so important?'  

I stood and looked down at her, my coolness intact though my 
insides were tightly wound into a knot.  These words I hadn't even 
spoken out loud to myself.  They were foreign to me.  I took a 
deep breath.

'I was barren after my abduction, as were all the women you met in 
Allentown.'   I held her interrogating gaze, her eyes penetrating 
my defenses. I felt the emotions bubbling towards the surface 
again, threatening to take over.  	

XxX
Her words echoed in my mind. It felt as if the whole world stopped 
moving, along with my breath.  No one else knew, and the doctor 
only just told me.

'The doctor said she found scar tissue...' I looked at her, 
feeling hot tears in my eyes. 	

'The infertility is the result of your abduction Scully.  A result 
to all of us.'

'Mulder told me all the women in Allentown had undergone fertility 
treatment, but he never said...' my throat was tight.  I turned 
and sat weakly back on the edge of the couch.  If he knew, why 
hadn't he told me?  How could he keep this from me, I had a right 
to know.

'They did this to you, and now we have a way to stop them.'  she 
sat down next to me.   'I'm pregnant...'	I knew my mouth hung 
slightly open as I looked at her, but my muscles didn't respond to 
the thought of closing it.  My mind was busy sorting though the 
data.  'This pregnancy happened after my second abduction, which 
is why I had the chip removed.  They won't be able to retrieve 
their merchandise.'

It was then I leaned forward, my head in my hands that I 
remembered my swollen knuckles.  I gritted my teeth in pain.  

'Let me get you some ice.' she was in her kitchen before I could 
protest.  

I leaned back and closed my teary eyes, trying to sort the events 
of the late.  If her story was true, she could be a valuable 
asset.  If Mulder and I could help her hide this pregnancy from 
those men, we would have undeniable proof.  We would be able to 
run a comparison test on the fetal material and the ice core 
sample Mulder collected.   If it matched, we would have proof that 
this all was a hoax.  It would have to be proven to which level 
the government was involved, but I was more certain of that now 
more than anything.  Maybe they were deceiving the American public 
about the existence of extraterrestrials.  I sighed, realizing how 
much this sounded like Mulder's conspiracy theory.  Maybe he would 
finally be proud that I at least entertained the thought for once.  
I would admit to this being a cover up by the government, before I 
actually thought extraterrestrials were involved. 

XxX	
The open freezer hung open and I stared absently as the frozen air 
tumbled out into the warm kitchen.   I watched it as I put the ice 
cubes into the cloth.  That confession sealed my fate.  There was 
really no going back for me.  If he wasn't dead, if it was a set 
up like I suspected it was, then he would come looking for me.  I 
needed to convince Scully that this was more important than I 
think she realized.  I needed to gain her trust completely.  I 
came out of the kitchen to see her leaning back on my couch, eyes 
closed.  I turned off the overhead light, leaving only the lamp 
next to the window on.

XxX
I involuntarily jumped when I felt her take my hand.  I opened my 
eyes, and watched as she gingerly put the ice over my swollen 
knuckles.  She held my hand so softly, the warmth seemed to match 
my own.  I studied her long fingers next to my swollen hand.  They 
were slender and graceful, like the rest of her.  I looked up to 
her face, and noticed the swelling on her jaw.  I suddenly felt 
miserable for having taken my anger out on her. I reached up with 
my other hand and softly touched the bruising skin.

'I didn't mean to...' I said quietly.  When she met my gaze with 
her cool eyes, a mixture of emotions flooded over me.  

XxX
When our eyes locked, I realized that with the death of my last 
savior, I could find redemption in another.  I wanted to tell her 
I was sorry for my sins and my only excuse was that I was under 
orders.  But the truth was I wanted revenge, not justice.  If the 
bastard was still alive, I wanted him to know he couldn't double 
cross me.  He allowed me to be taken along with the rest of the 
women, like Scully.  Like I was no better than all the others.  If 
I could carry this fetus to full term, I would finally have what I 
needed to bring him down.  Bring them all down.  But I needed 
help, and Scully was my only possible chance.   We ultimately 
wanted the same thing, to see the consortium get what they 
deserve. If she believed she was saving me from my past, perhaps I 
could seduce her, guaranteeing her help through the end.	

XxX
Her eyes showed a complexity I could not grasp, along with the 
familiar pain of loss. I looked deep into her frosted eyes finding 
the feelings there so intense it captivated me.   The connection I 
felt to this woman ran deep into my soul.  I wanted her to know 
that I trusted her, and she could trust me. I watched as she 
looked from my eyes to my lips, and my heart pounded in my ears.

XxX	
She was just another mark.  I leaned forward and softly brushed my 
lips across hers.  I felt her virtuous energy pass into my body.  
There was such honesty and grace in that simple kiss, I wanted 
more.  I don't know if I've ever felt such goodness.  

XxX
For reasons I can only explain as emotions that needed to be 
explored, I found myself leaning forward, to meet her advance.  I 
felt her lips on mine momentarily before I pulled away, confused.  
	
'I'm sorry.  I don't usually...' I paused, not knowing where the 
impulse to do that came from.

XxX
'It's ok...' I watched as Scully's cheeks took on a slight blush.  
I found myself wanting to feel her perfect, full lips on my own 
again.  I needed to.  Her virtue was like a drug.  I felt it could 
purge all the ugly evilness from my being.  Even though she was 
just a mark, I was beginning to feel swayed by her relentless 
gaze.  

XxX
Unable to meet her eyes, I looked down to find the words that I 
felt I owed her, as well as myself, in some kind of explanation.   

'Marita. When I walked in here tonight and saw you, I felt we had 
already met... I felt I found something I hadn't realized was 
missing.'  I ignored the flush that crept into my cheeks as I 
continued.  'I want you to know you can trust me.'

XxX	
I couldn't tell her I felt those things too, because there was too 
much deceit woven into my being to admit it to her, or to myself.  
I nodded as I put my hand on her shoulder.  It was hot beneath my 
palm, like a cleansing fire burning the darkness away.  I needed 
to assure her I was someone to trust.	

'Dana, we can stop these men.'  I felt reassured by the strength 
in my voice.  She looked up at me again.  'We have proof now, we 
can put an end to all this...' I tried a reassuring smile.

She smiled back.  I watched as she looked into my eyes, and then 
as if regaining forgotten composure, she moved back.  My hands 
were cold from the loss of her.  I felt the clenching, icy 
blackness take hold of my heart again.  

XxX
'I have to go...' I was physically exhausted.  My mind was 
spinning with all the information it had received in the last half 
hour.  I closed my eyes, breaking them free of her intense gaze.  
I pushed the rebellious feelings back.  Feelings I hadn't known 
existed until I felt her lips on mine.  It had been a very long 
time sense I felt this strongly towards another person.  I thought 
of my father again.  If this continued on its current course, it 
could be another check on a long list of disappointments from 
Starbuck.   He would forgive me, I was sure of it.  But could I 
forgive myself?  I opened my eyes again, feeling her hand cover 
mine.

'You can stay here...' Marita's eyes were soft, reminding me of 
light blue clouds after a storm.  My breath quickened as my brain 
actually considered the offer, rather than refusing it outright.

XxX
I didn't want to be alone after my first confession.  I did 
actually feel the pain she felt.  I knew how it felt to wake up 
and realize one day someone has taken something from you, 
something which was irretrievable.  I was now to familiar with the 
feeling of betrayal, as I'm sure she was as well.  For those same 
reasons, I did trust her.  I knew she would help me now I won her 
trust. I felt guilty again as I realized I lured her with the 
promise of intimacy.  But I knew if this bond weren't consummated 
now, it never would be.  I had her now, if she left the spell 
would be broken.  

I moved my hand to caress her cheek softly.  Scully's eyes closed, 
but this time it was not from her exhaustion.  She leaned into my 
touch, her lips brushing my palm.  I felt my pulse quicken with 
the mere touch of those soft lips.

XxX	
Pushing the self-damming thoughts back, I enjoyed the feeling of 
being desired.  It was a powerful felling that I had gone for too 
long without.  I opened my eyes to see her watching me, looking 
at me. I wondered briefly if this was as new for her as it was for 
me.  I hadn't really formed opinion on the mater, always 
dismissing it as something other people did.  I wondered why, if 
this felt so good, how could be viewed as wrong.  She leaned 
forward as she pushed a strand of my red hair behind my ear.  I 
wanted to feel her next to me again. 

Looking at this woman with such a dark past, full of unknowns I 
realized she was the only one who truly understood.   I was 
conscious of the fact she and I were unknowingly working against 
each other, but now I felt she wanted to change.  She wanted to 
make right some of her wrongs, and she needed my help.  She needed 
Mulder and I.  Mulder.  I sighed, letting the defiant feelings 
take control.  I was dying, going to be taken away from my job, my 
family and my loved ones.  Unwritten rules were not going to keep 
me from enjoying what might be my last chance to experience 
pleasure.

'I want to stay.'

XxX
She leaned forward, closing the small gap between us.  This kiss 
was as chaste as the last, but I felt the passion behind it.  I 
needed more.  I felt the grace of Scully's heart with her lips 
next to mine.  She has seen darkness before, but kept it out of 
her soul.   I wanted to know what it was like to taste honesty.  
Scully's sweet honesty.

I was letting this woman in.  I hadn't planed it, but some how she 
penetrated my defenses.  I wanted her to rescue me from something 
I hadn't realized I was running from.  But in turn for my 
salvation, was I corrupting her?  This was a technique I used 
before, but without the personal involvement.  I thought I could 
do it again and remain detached, I was wrong.

XxX
This not being familiar to me, I let her lead.  I felt Marita's 
hand move to my cheek, bringing me closer.  My ears pounded with 
adrenaline, and I felt drunk with the feeling of freedom that came 
from being reckless.  I wanted to know how far I would let this 
go.  Would I stop this wonderful attack on my senses, and let the 
feelings of guilt prevent one last sin of the flesh?  Her lips 
were soft and satiny next to mine, I wanted more.  I willfully 
deepened the kiss, and found myself now utterly helpless under the 
spell of this woman.  I let her tong softly explore my mouth as I 
felt her other hand move to the base of my neck.

XxX
I felt Scully's pulse thumping quickly under her smooth skin, as I 
traced down her neck, inside the collar of her blouse.  Her back 
arched slightly towards me, and I knew she wanted this a much as I 
did.  I felt her tong next to mine fall into a rhythm I did not 
want to loose.  I continued my soft descent, undoing the second, 
and then the third button.  
	
XxX
Her corn-silken blond hair was smooth under my hand; as I gently 
held her close before moving down to cup her face.  I felt the 
loss when she pulled slowly back.  I watched as she leaned forward 
and kissed my now exposed collarbone.  Her tong darted out, 
searing my flesh in its wake.  She continued unbuttoning my blouse 
and followed it with a trail of kisses.  I felt her hands on my 
ribs, pushing the now unbuttoned shirt back, out of her way.  My 
head went back as the feelings in me intensified.  I tried to 
remember the last time my sense were so alert.

XxX
I felt her hands in my hair again, and lavished in the sigh that 
escaped her lips, now pink from my kisses.  I wanted to take 
Scully where I was sure she had never been.  I tugged the fabric 
of her bra down, exposing the taught flesh underneath.  As I 
sucked it slowly into my mouth, I felt her hand move around to the 
front of my own blouse.  She was exploring for herself now, 
overcoming her hesitance.  When she brushed her palm across my 
breast, I looked up at her.  Her sapphire eyes darkened with 
desire, and fixed onto mine.  I brought my lips back up to hers, 
and this time when we met it was with recluse passion.

XxX
Marita's soft kisses were now replaced with urgent ones, full of 
conviction.  I quickly pulled the buttons loose from her blouse, 
as mine was discarded as well.  She used her slender fingers to 
quickly unlatch my only remaining garment keeping me from being 
exposed.  I felt the coolness of the room on my bare chest.  Not 
being as experienced, I struggled momentary with the clasp on her 
bra.  It was harder than I expected, going at it from this angle.  
As she pushed me back on the couch, I felt her tugging at the 
zipper on my skirt.

XxX
I slid her skirt down, revealing her smooth bare legs.   I 
straddled one of her legs as I leaned forward. My body tingled as 
I felt my now exposed breasts graze light over hers.  Scully 
reached behind me, unzipping my pants. She slipped her fingers 
inside the waistband as they hung loosely on my hips.  I 
underestimated how quickly she acclimated to this new endeavor.  
Her movements became as enthusiastic as mine.   Her reputation as 
cold and removed was completely inaccurate.  I knew the need to 
distance one's self from work and duty, but what people didn't 
understand was that there was a women beneath that cool exterior.  
I wanted to believe it was me who was having this effect on her, 
but I knew her mind was on someone else.  Someone more deserving 
than I.
	
XxX
The sensation of having another body next to my bare skin was 
almost overwhelming.  Her touch was soft and confident; I felt I 
could let down my usual guard.  I felt no hesitation from her, 
only her energy directed at me.  Our bodies rocked in unison as 
our intense rhythm heightened.  Regret was not foremost in my 
mind.  I didn't have time left for regret.  The only sorrow I felt 
was that I might never know Mulder this intimately.  It was the 
only bridge left for us to cross, and I realized now we might not 
have time to do so.  My laments doubled as ecstasy as I felt the 
white hot pleasure of our passion culminate in me physically as 
well as mentally.

XxX
I collapsed on her like a spent man, reveling in how quickly she 
had caught on.  My mind was numb, and my breath still quick.  I 
wondered how I would be able to separate my own personal interest 
from work after this.  The demons continued to be held at bay, as 
I basked in the feeling of her body still under mine.  My 
objectives now tainted, I contemplated how we would allocate 
justice to the men who wronged us.  The anger that fueled my 
revenge seemed to have diminished with this women's angelic touch.   

The throw blanket came down on us as I nestled into her shoulder.  
I briefly pondered if I had corrupted my new savior with my bold 
approach to salvation.  But I knew Scully was too strong to 
succumb to my simple seduction.  She had seen past the evil, seen 
into where a fleck of goodness remained and managed to bring it to 
light.  Redemption replaced the foreboding feeling that plagued me 
for so long as I curled up next to this heavenly creature.

XxX
She was asleep soon.  I was exhausted, but refused to relinquish 
control to the dreamless unconscious.  Sleep seemed a waist of 
precious time.  I watched her chest fall and raise slowly and 
steadily, her face peaceful.  Marita was a part of me now, as I 
surely was of her.  We had united.  A united front against evil.  
I felt a flicker of hope ignite in my stomach.  I felt I found 
someone I could share my pain with.  This woman offered me a 
feeling of contentment, something to fill the void.  A void I kept 
hidden beneath the turmoil and can only imagine surfaced because 
Mulder was absent. 	

I managed to rescue one person from the evilness that those men 
festered.  And now my thoughts returned to the other, I realized 
long ago, I was destined to save.  This union was for him, as well 
as for me.  The many glances, and knowing touches we shared held 
me together when I thought I was alone. It hurt that he never took 
the risk, but then neither had I.   Mulder was the only other 
person who could look at me and know exactly what I was feeling.   
Nothing could replace what we have. It goes beyond the physical, 
beyond need.  I cannot comprehend its complexity, but I know in my 
heart that it is forever.

Though I know now it is to late for myself, my last gift to Mulder 
will be to save him.  A sacrifice worthy of the justice it will 
bring to the work, and the promise of an eternal commitment to 
him.  When it comes time I will tell him, but not before.  

Fin


XxX

Author's note:
Please forgive the use of the borrowed plot line. The next one 
will be original, I promise.  I'm glad you got here, I hope this 
means you read it all!   This is my first attempt at slash, PLEASE 
let me know how I did... And thanks to my beta reader, Amanda.  
You've helped me through it all.