From: KassandraXF Date: Thu, 27 Feb 1997 18:48:13 -0500 Subject: Phunny Phobias 1/1 Hi, people, it's me again...and this is just a short, not so humorous piece that I've been wanting to do for awhile...why I'm writing this, I do not know...but I really should be studying for the test tomorrow! Or at least watching the Grammy's. Why aren't I?! I'm crazy. And here I am having a conversation with myself. Wonderful. I'm schizophrenic! DISCLAIMER: Mulder AND Scully DON'T BELONG TO ME....AS IF THAT WASN'T OBVIOUS ENOUGH...THEY BELONG TO__________(fill in blank) AND TO __________(fill in another blank) AND TO _____________(this is the last one I swear!)....SO DON'T SUE ME. I'M NOT GETTING ANY MONEY FOR THIS! Ratings: PG This doesn't really have a category because I don't want to be presumptuous enough to call it Humor because, well, honestly, it's not as funny as some of the other fanfics I've read...and hey, it's my first non-MSR posting! Phunny Phobias By KassandraXF (KassandraXF@hotmail.com) "I'm bored." 36-year-old Special Agent Fox Mulder whined like a kid. "Drink your ice tea." His partner sighed, it was the fourth time he had said that in as many minutes. "I'm done with it." "Eat your sunflower seeds." "I don' wanna." "You 'don' wanna'?" "No." He threw a couple of empty shells at the car window only to have them ricocheting back to him. Stakeouts were so dull sometimes. "Well...why don't you just recite the whole Table of Elements including atomic mass?" Scully asked sarcastically, grabbing some sunflower seeds and nibbling on them. A second later, she spat them out, "Mulder, how can you eat these things?" "Easily. And I'm not the scientist here. Why don't YOU recite the Table of Elements ALPHABETICALLY including atomic mass?" "Actinium, 227, Aluminum, 26.98154, Americium, 243, Antimony, 121.75, Argon 39.948, Arsenic, 74.9216, Astatine..." She monotoned. "OK, Scully, I get the point!" Mulder groaned. "Gee, I didn't even get past a quarter of the 'A's!" Five minutes passed, silent and boringly. "Betcha you can't name more than 15 phobias." Mulder reached for a sunflower seed. "Betcha I can: acrophobia, aerophobia, hydrophobia, pyrophobia, claustrophobia, mycophobia, arachnophobia, agoraphobia, phobophobia, zoophobia, chronophobia, homophobia, aeroacrophobia, acousticophobia, and pedophobia. There, 15 phobias." She finished triumphantly. "But the bet was for more than fifteen." "More? Well, I don't know any more." "Tough, you lost. But you could've said aeronausiphobia." "What's that?" "Fear of throwing up while airborne. And there's also alektorophobia. The fear of chickens." "Fear of chickens?!" "And get this, arachibutyrophobia." "Which is?" She prompted. "Fear of peanut butter sticking on the roof of your mouth. Ereuthophobia, fear of blushing or of red lights." "Tell me, Mulder, is this what they taught you at Oxford?" "Hadephobia." He answered promptly. "Fear of hell?" "Correct. OK, how about this one: Kathisophobia." "Um...fear of...uh...lying down?" "Close. Fear of sitting." "Sitting?! People are scared of the damnedest things!" "You think that's silly? Try this one: Nephophobia." "What?" "Fear of clouds. And this ones a laugh: novercaphobia- Fear of your mother-in-law. Phronemophobia ." "And that is..." "Fear of thinking." "Fear of thinking?" She repeated. "Mn-hm. How about Ecophobia?" He confirmed. "Fear of an environment?" She guessed. "Very close once again, Dr. Scully. Fear of home." "Isn't that what that person, Dr. Eckerle, in that cockroach infested town had?" "That would be Entomophobia." "Which is fear of insects. How would you say fear of entomologists? Or rather, a disliking of them?" "Anuptaphobia." He grinned teasingly, "Fear of staying single." "Funny. Very funny. OK, smart ass, how would you say fear of falling in love?" "Philophobia. Are you referring to me? If you are, I'll have you know that..." "I don't want to hear it." "Why, Scully, afraid that you're gonna be jealous?" "In your wildest dreams." "My dreams can get pretty wild. Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection. Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis." "And are these such phobias that plague you, my charming Agent Mulder?" She asked sweetly. "Nope." He answered self-confidently, "Caligynephobia-fear of beautiful women. And no, Scully, I don't have that. It'd be nice to alter that though: fear of beautiful women wielding guns." He grinned at his partner. "Thank you for the compliment." "Erotophobia-fear of sexual love." "You really memorized your phobias didn't you?" "Coitophobia- Fear of coitus." "Why is it that you all of a sudden remember the sexually related ones?" "Genophobia- Fear of sex." He went on. "This is getting really stupid..." she warned. "Gymnophobia-fear of nudity." "That might not necessarily have much to do with sex. Your slipping, Mulder." "Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis." "Fox..." she used his first name to try to get his attention. "Nomatophobia- Fear of names." He gave a quick smile in Scully's direction, telling her that he was listening to her but not paying much heed, "Malaxophobia- Fear of love play." "You can't possibly know anymore of them, can you?" "Paraphobia- Fear of sexual perversion, Phallophobia- Fear of a penis, especially erect." "Another one of those?" "Philemaphobia or Philematophobia- Fear of kissing." "Two of them?!" "Sarmassophobia- Fear of love play." "Isn't that malaxophobia?" "Hm...I seemed to have run out of them now." "Run out of them? I thought you'd never stop!" "Here's an interesting one, Scully: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words." "Hippopotomo...what?! The poor shrink that has someone with that phobia won't even be able to tell it to his/her patient without the patient going into hysterics! How do you say it again?" "Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." He said, again, but it was not much help. He searched his pockets for a piece of paper and found a pen lying on the floor of the car. He wrote it down with Scully's eyes opening with disbelief as he passed 25 characters when writing it. He handed it to her. She looked at it, nodded and stuffed it in her pocket. "Let's see what else there is..." He began, searching his mind for more phobias. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "How would you say 'fear of talkative partners who keep on talking so long that they don't realize that their shift is over'? Let's go!" She beckoned for him to start up the car. "Ballistophobia," He said, pointing to the gun that was semi-showing on her waist, "fear of bullets." "You'd better shut up with those phobias because in a minute you will be extremely ballistophobic." "Triskadekaphobia-fear of the number thirteen." "Mulder!" "Odontophobia- Fear of teeth." "Yes, and you will be odontophobic as well." "Sounds kinky, Scully," He noted with satisfaction the exasperated look she wore and decided to let go of it, "OK, that's enough." "Enough is right. If I hear one word related to phobia in any way..." "I will be very ballistophobic and odontophobic, I heard you." "Exactly." "And I've told you already, I have an acute fear of beautiful women wielding guns..." "Shut up." "OK." End Phunny Phobias Yes, I'm definitely sticking to MSRs in the future...this was just a little experiment to see how I would do in a quasi-humorous story. Well, I think I'll go work on an MSR now...bye! Oh, wait, if anyone wants a list of the phobias that I got all of these phobias from, e-me, it's only around...12 pages long! Comments are dearly loved and cherished. Luv, KassandraXF@hotmail.com