From: agnewdt <agnewdt@email.msn.com>
Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 07:22:18 +0100
Subject: NEW: Pigs In Heaven (1/1) by D. Agnew (H)

Okay to archive as long as the story remains unaltered and my name is still
on the story.  Please let me know if you're going to archive the story.

Disclaimer:  No copyright infringement is intended.

Spoilers:  None

Rating:  PG-13

Classification:  H

Author's Note:  This tiny, itsy bitsy piece of insanity was brought on by a
message that said pigs have more fun than we humble humans.

Summary:  Who says blondes have more fun than pigs?

Pigs In Heaven (1/1)
by Denise A. Agnew
danovelist@yahoo.com

X-Files Office
FBI Headquarters
Monday, 8:00am

     Mulder grinned as he read the report in front of him.  Then he snorted.
Unbelievable.  As he pushed clicked on his email program and asked it to
print, he had to wonder if his sanity had finally slipped.  He couldn't
believe what he'd just read.  It smacked of tabloid headlines that had more
to do with sensationalism than solid facts.  Sure, his reliable buddies had
sent him the information.  But they'd also gone way over the edge more than
once.

     Scully would never believe what they'd sent him.  His smile widened.
Then again, when had she ever believed in something this strange?  He
couldn't be certain he believed it.

     As the printer pushed a sheet of paper out, the door opened and his
partner walked in.  Her sunny smile was somewhat uncharacterisic, but it
made him curious all the same.  "Morning, Scully.  Why the huge smile?
Something good happen with that date you had last night?"

     Her Sunny Delight grin left immediately as she arrived in front of his
desk, her soft, well-curved lips firming with disapproval.  "My date was
fine.  But that wasn't why I was smiling."

     "Shame."

     Tossing him another unexpected smile, she said, "I just heard the
funniest thing in the hall.  Even you aren't going to believe it."

     His brows went up, a minute smile flickering over his lips before
disappearing like lightning.  "You know me, I'll believe anything."

     "Then maybe you'll believe this report I got from Frohike this
morning."  He lifted the sheet of lase paper and began to read.  When he
finished he looked up at her.  Instead of maintaining her smile, her
expression had turned into typical Scully skepticism.

     She looked heavenward for a second and then sighed.  She crossed her
arms.  "Mulder, give
me a break.  Thirty minutes.  Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"

     He stood and came around the front of the desk.  She backed away
slightly, but not enough to put much distance between them.  Hmmm.  He liked
that.  "Why is it so hard to believe?"

     "Thirty minutes, Mulder.  Think about it.  How probably is it that any
animal could sustain something like that for thirty minutes?"

     Mulder mimicked her stance by crossing his arms.  He tilted his head to
the side and winked.  "Scientists have tested it."

     "How?"

     "I'm not sure."

     "Then how do you know someone didn't make this up?"

      "I don't know, but I've got an idea."  Another wink.  "We could try
for the
record and try a ten minute one."

     Scully's faced flushed, and she swallowed with difficulty.  "Mulder,
you can't distract me from the facts.  No one can make me believe that any
animal, least of all a...a pig, has thirty minute...thirty minute..."

     "Go ahead, Scully, you can say it.  It won't burn your tongue."

     "Orgasms."  She emphasized the word.  "Pigs don't have thirty minutes
of anything."

     "What about you?"

     He might have tossed frequent innuendos her way over the years, but
this one had to top it.  Instead of shying from the conversation and
changing the subject as she usually would have, she plunged right into the
deep end.  Her pulse sped up
and her breathing increased.  "Ten minute sex?  I suppose that's what you
think passes for foreplay."

     He stepped forward until a few inches separated them.  He uncrossed his
arms and gave her a thorough, decadent, undeniable once over.  "Oh, no.  I
mean...it could take hours of foreplay to get a nice long, ten minute
orgasm."

     She reached for his tie and pulled him toward her.  "Screw it, let's go
for the thirty minute blast off."

     Kissing him like death hovered right around the corner, she let him go
only when his breathing rasped and his hands had begun to caress her back
and other tender places.

     He sighed.  "Houston, we have ignition."

THE END.

OINK.  Very bad, what can I say.