Date: 20 Jan 1999 12:24:39 GMT Subject: NEW!!! Pink Carnations and Soft Flannel Boxers 1/1 by Pamalast & MarkSt MSR ( Sequel) "PINK CARNATIONS AND SOFT FLANNEL BOXERS" AUTHOR: Pamala and Mark Stevens... PamalaSt and MarkSt RATING: PG for being suggestive and a tease. SPOILERS: none. SUMMARY: After a tease of a morning Mulder and Scully put their hearts on the line at last DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first. FEEDBACK: Oh YEAH love to hear it.!! Send it along to PamalaSt@aol.com DISCLAIMERS: All things X-Files belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century Fox. No infringement intended. NOTES: **** If you have not read " Pink Towel and Lavender Panties". GO BACK and read it now. It wae reposted today as well. This story, while it might stand alone is a SEQUEL to Pink Towel. ENJOY :0) " PINK CARNATIONS AND SOFT FLANNEL BOXERS " I've been sitting here at my desk moving papers around for the last hour waiting for everyone to leave so I could be alone. Well, I'm not entirely alone. There's me and this slightly garish bouquet of pink and lavender carnations sitting on my desk to keep me company. I still can't believe he did that. And the expression on my face when they arrived must have priceless. Oh yeah, he got me, he got me good. I can only imagine what everyone around here is thinking. Almost everyone that is. He wasn't even here when they were delivered. And when he did arrive, he took a glancing look at them and me and sat down to work at his desk as if nothing had happened. Wasn't it enough that I'd been keenly aware of the undergarments he picked out for me this morning, feeling them hug me, as if his hands themselves were pressed against my skin? No, that wasn't enough for Mulder. There wasn't the slightest hint, the faintest trace of acknowledgment when I opened the card which simply said "An admirer". He played it calm and cool the whole day even going so far as to joke that the admirer must not know me very well because I was, and I quote "not a pastel kind of girl". And then he casually took one of the pink carnations, tossed it into his desk drawer, and went right back to filling out his daily paperwork without missing a beat, leaving me to stare at the back of his head the rest of the afternoon and wonder what exactly is going on in that twisted Mulder mind of his. Of course, I'm not sure if even he has a clue about that. Not knowing what else to do, I went to the ladies room to get a moment away from him and a chance to compose myself. Unfortunately, there is something about a floral delivery in the workplace that transforms otherwise reserved professional women into gossipy teens all over again. All I wanted was 5 minutes to sort out exactly what was going on. I didn't even get 5 seconds. "Dana", exclaimed Agent Young, before I had even finished walking through the ladies room door, a big smile beaming from her face. She was the only other female agent sharing our communal office since Mulder and I had been banished from the basement. I wondered if I could turn on my heels and walk back out in anything resembling a smooth and graceful exit. But it was already too late. I had stepped into the lion's den and those gleaming teeth told me that the beast was hungry. "Debbie," I replied, forcing a strained smile in her direction. And so the girl talk inquisition began. Unbelievably, she immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. She didn't even mention Mulder but thought I had some new beau in the bureau and started subtly pressing me for any information she could. Apparently she was taking the "I" in FBI very seriously today. After fending off her initial charges, she realized that she wasn't going to be getting any juicy morsels from me, so she decided to change tactics and dole out a few instead. She let me know quite clearly that it hadn't escaped her attention that Mulder had taken one of the flowers from my vase, undoubtedly to give to another lady. I listened intently as she laid out the office chatter about Mulder's current romantic conquest, all the while hoping that my cell phone would ring or the power go out, anything to give me a chance to escape. I'd heard all the talk before. Most of the time it's speculation about what's really going on between "Spooky and the Ice Maiden" or how attractive he is or how his restless intensity and passion coupled with appearing troubled and misunderstood is like a magnet to many women or, well, you get the general idea. . . . I can't imagine what he might have done to fuel the flames regarding this latest rumor, however. But I'm definitely going to find out. So, feigning ignorance once more as to whom my admirer was, I left Agent Young and all of the office gossips to draw their own conclusions. I spent the remainder of the day going about business as usual, stealing an occasional glance at the bouquet and the man behind them. As the day finally wound down and everyone started heading home to their wives and families, I made some weak excuse, which Mulder didn't buy for a second, about needing to finish up a few things. And then he left without saying a word, leaving me to contemplate my next move. I do like it here at night. It's so quiet I can almost hear my own thoughts. What does he expect me to do? Is he sitting there in his apartment right now, anxiously waiting, wondering if I'm going to come by? Should I disappoint him? Should I disappoint me? Watching the computer monitor, I drift back and start thinking about Melissa. I wonder what she would say, what she would do in my place. But I already know the answer before I ask the question. She was always the headstrong one, never holding back her thoughts or feelings. Never denying what her heart felt. I can hear her now. *Better to take a chance and face the fear than let real love slip away.* Somehow it's easier to go to Mulder with Missy's voice urging me on. Having made my choice, I grab the bouquet and head toward the door. As I walk by his desk, a sudden impulse comes over me and I stop to open his top desk drawer. It's gone. Funny, I never took him for the sentimental type. I can't help but smile thinking of that poor, unsuspecting flower being pressed between the pages of the latest hardcover edition of "The Truth about UFOs Revealed". I take another pink carnation and softly place it in the drawer. Why not give him something to think about for a change? Is this who we are? Just a collection of silly gestures, unspoken words, tentative moves? Is this the road that we're traveling to find our way to each other? I trust Mulder with my life. Perhaps it's time to trust him with my heart as well. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ *Come on, Scully. Knock already.* I've been sitting here on the edge of the couch since I got home, alternating between watching the door and staring at the carnation in my hand. Is she angry with me for sending her flowers? I couldn't tell. Maybe I didn't want to know. I've never been as good at reading her as she is at reading me. After all this time spent at the FBI. . . , analyzing, investigating, using my profiling skills to delve behind the thoughts and motives of the various suspects we've come across, the one person I can't figure out is the one closest to me. I look down at this small pink bud, caressing its petals, studying it's facets. *Scully is not a pink carnation. No, my Scully, the one who holds my heart in her hands is a rose. A beautiful, graceful, long-stem white rose. * I look up and suddenly she is here, standing by the door watching me, looking at the flower in my hands. "You do realize that Agent Young is certain that you took that to give to your new lady love", she says slyly. "Don't worry, Mulder, your secret is safe with me. The talk is that you've been carrying on quite a torrid little love affair with Kersch's secretary." I break out into a wide smile. I hadn't missed the less-than-subtle flirtations that his secretary had been tossing in front of me at every opportunity. Hell, I'm not that oblivious, but it was amusing to think that it was worthy of making the rounds in the office rumor mill. "Well, don't feel too bad, Scully. I completely missed it too." I don't know what to say to her. I feel like a jerk for the way I've behaved today. I just want to apologize, to make things right, hold on to my partner, my friend. I just want everything to be like it used to be. I drop the flower onto the coffee table and cross the room towards her. I keep telling myself to do the right thing, to play it safe. How many other times have I been willing to put aside the dream of reaching for something more in order to keep what we already have, to hold tight to what she already gives me? If I lost that. . . "I'm sorry, Scully. I stepped over the line this morning. I promise you that if we just put it behind us, I'll make sure that it never happens again." I'm gazing into her eyes, looking for some sign of forgiveness, when she moves closer, laying her palms against my chest. She slides her hands up under the suit coat I didn't know I was still wearing, stroking my shoulders as she slowly pushes it up and away from my chest. I take a quick inhale of air as my coat drops to the floor, feeling her body so dangerously close to mine. "Don't be sorry, Mulder. I'm not," she answers in a soft, soothing voice as her fingers start loosening my necktie, then casually discarding it to the floor. This is not the response I'd expected, but I can't stop her. I don't want to stop her. Her fingertips start working on the buttons of my shirt, one after another, my chest rising and falling in uneven breaths. "You know, Mulder, I've been thinking about that line. Perhaps it's not so much a line as a river, one that should be crossed cautiously. " As she finishes with the last buttons and tugs at the hem of my shirt to slide it free from my pants, I bring up my hands to help her. She takes them firmly in her own, giving me a determined gaze, and places them back at my side. "No, Mulder. Let me." My head starts spinning as she pushes the shirt off my shoulders, her thumbs accidentally grazing against my chest, sending an involuntary shiver coursing throughout my body. I close my eyes for a moment, letting my mind wander back to this morning, to Scully in the bedroom, naked. I can visualize her in front of me. God, she is so beautiful. I can see her watching my reactions to her as she puts on her lingerie. I can feel her soft hands touching my bare chest. Touching my chest? My eyes fly open, to find her face opposite mine, her hands pressed against my skin. "Hey, wait a minute. I thought there was no touching?" A delightfully playful smile slowly spreads across her lips, breaking the tension and frustration that's ready to swallow me up. "Rules, Mulder? I don't remember any discussions about rules. I never said you couldn't touch me. And as I recall, you never asked." I can't help laughing at myself. "Talk about a missed opportunity." As we stand there, smiling at each other with an ease that's taken us six years to achieve, she brings both her hands back up against my chest, sending a chill through my body. She senses me shuddering under her touch, sees my hand trembling. A look of sudden concern washes across her face and she halts her exploration. "Don't you want me to touch you, Mulder?" For a moment, I consider opting for the usual response, the safe choice. But no, not tonight. Tonight, I owe Scully the truth. Whatever may happen. I reach up covering both her hands in mine, pulling them tight against me. I gently run my thumbs over the soft skin on the back of her hands, searching her eyes for the emotions behind them. "Scully, your touch is the only one I want." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------- *The only one* Those three words start my heart racing. There is something here, something between us. We still have a chance at this. I can feel the trust and vulnerability behind his words flowing through his hands into mine like a river. I don't want to forget this moment. Ever. I bring his hand up against my flushed cheek, stroking it with my fingers. I need to feel his skin against my own to make it all seem real. I take his hands and place them back down at his sides. This is for you, Mulder. This is only for you. I run my hands carefully across his chest, not wanting to miss an inch. That's when I find it, the scar on his shoulder. The scar he got when I shot him all those years ago. The scar he wears because of me. I look up into his eyes and I'm overcome with guilt. I know I had no other choice but that still doesn't change the fact that I hurt him. Without thinking, I bring my lips to it, covering the wound I gave him with my soft, healing kisses. As I fight back the tears threatening to overwhelm me, he lifts my chin up, bringing my face up to his. "It's OK," is all he says. But looking in his eyes I can see everything that remains unsaid. I know he loves me. He let me know in the hallway outside this apartment. He even spoke the words in the hospital after I rescued him from the Bermuda Triangle. I've been the one who has failed to make my feelings clear. And I've hurt him yet again by not telling him. It all comes down to this. It's up to me to take the next and final step. . . . I bring my lips to his, softly. I can scarcely breathe. My eyes closed, savoring the moment, I can feel myself melting away, losing myself in the sensations flooding through me. But I can still feel him holding back. Unwilling to break the contact between us, I pull my lips away from his, brushing my face against the rough, stubbled skin of his cheek as I whisper in his ear. "You wanted to kiss me once, Mulder. Does it take the threat of losing me to make you show me how you feel?" I plant several tiny kisses on his cheek before making my final plea. "Show me, Mulder. Show me now." Nothing. I begin to pull away from him, feeling shattered and lost, as if our last chance to move past the boundaries that have always held us back has disappeared. Suddenly, his arm snakes around my waist, pulling me hard against him as his other hand grabs the back of my neck, his fingers threading roughly through my hair and pulling my lips back to his, claiming me completely and entirely, holding nothing back. His lips press forcefully against mine, his tongue desperately searching and exploring every part of my mouth and tongue. I sense his hand sliding down to the small of my back, pulling my hips against his, letting me feel the strength of his need for me. I spread my legs apart slightly to draw him in closer, wanting to feel all of him against me. My arms curl up around his back as my fingers clutch his shoulders. If that first gentle kiss took my breath away, this one leaves me barely able to stand. It's everything I've ever dreamed of, how I always knew my Mulder would be. . . strong, passionate, powerful. Taking all I have to offer and demanding more. His hand releases its hold on my hair and slides down my neck to the side of my chest, his fingers coming to rest under my breast, as his lips leave mine and begin tracing the same course. I close my eyes and throw my head back, feeling his lips and tongue feast on my neck and shoulders, surrendering to the fire spreading throughout me. I can feel his firm touch moving up my breast eliciting a small moan from me. *Yes, Mulder* As my fingers fumble to undo his belt, he grabs my hands, jerking them away in a sudden and harsh motion. "No, Scully. Don't." Without saying another word, he storms away into the bedroom, leaving me alone and confused. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------- God, after all these years, I've finally gone and done it. . . . given in to everything I desperately want but don't deserve. The smell of her skin, the taste of her sweet lips, it was just like I've imagined, no, better than I've imagined countless times in my dreams. I will never forget it, but I had to walk away. It has to stop now, while it still can. I love her enough to know that she deserves someone better than me. I cross over to the far end of the bedroom, trying to get as far away from her as possible. Why didn't I get rid off all this stuff and put it back to the way it was? Did I really think that she'd ever want to come here and share it with me? I can hear the sound of her footsteps moving to leave. *That's right, Scully. Go. You should have walked away a long time ago. I will never mean anything but pain and heartbreak to you. You're better off without me and I'm better off alone.* I keep waiting to hear the click of the door closing, but it never comes. What are you waiting for? Instead I hear her coming this way. I should have known she'd never let me get away with leaving her like that. As she walks through the door, the look on her face is not what I expected. Her pained expression isn't one of hurt or anger, but concern, not for herself, but for me. "Mulder, please. Don't hide from me. I'm not sure what it is you're feeling right now but whatever it is, don't shut me out. " She has her coat on. She was ready to leave. Perhaps I can still do this, persuade her to go for her own sake. Afraid to meet her eyes, I look away, taking a deep breath and trying to find whatever courage and resolve I have left to allow me to do this. I can't let her see my face or she'll never believe what I'm saying. "Scully, this is wrong. It's not your fault, it's mine. I started this entire thing this morning for my own selfish reasons. But it was a mistake. Just like me, Scully, a mistake. I'm not going to let you do this. I can't. The price is too high. For God's sake, look at everything that's happened to you in the last 6 years. All because of me. If you'd never met me, never been assigned to the X-files, if you had gotten some normal partner, you might have the life you want, that normal life you deserve." She takes several steps toward me and I raise my hand to stop her. The closer she gets, the harder it becomes. If she touches me now, I know I would collapse into her arms. I can feel the tears starting to build in my eyes, but I fight them back, struggling to keep composed so I can finish this. "Scully, think about it." I yell harshly at her, channeling all the pain and anger I can dredge up into words designed to close the door between us for good. "Melissa, your abduction, your cancer, all of the other terrible things done to you have been because of me. God, Scully, you'll never be able to have children because of me. I've nearly destroyed your life. I have no idea how you've managed to even survive it all. But I know I can't subject you to anymore. Leave, Scully. Just walk out right and now and try to salvage what you can. Go find a man who can give you a home, a life, someone who can love you that you can love back. Because if you stay with me, you'll end up dead. And I couldn't handle that." I stand there silently, my eyes filled with the tears I couldn't stop, waiting for her to walk out of my life once and for all. I keep waiting for her to leave, for her to grasp the reality of the situation. But she doesn't. She crosses in front of me, taking my hand in hers as she looks at me, the tears in her eyes matching my own. I can see the unconditional love in her face, reaching into my heart making it impossible for me to hide the truth. I've failed. "I'm not leaving, Mulder. I can't", she says in a barely audible voice that reaches into my very soul. "Because I love you." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------- We've come so far and been through so much together that I'm not going to walk away now, Mulder. I had that chance last summer. I couldn't do it then and I'm certainly not going to do it now. Whether you realize it or not, we've invested too much in each other to let it slip away. I know what you're trying to do, the same thing you've always done: trying to protect me and keep me from being hurt. But how can I make you see that the thought of being without you is what hurts me most of all. I speak to him, slowly, gently, trying to find the right words to reach that part of him I need to find. "Mulder, you know I'd do anything to have Melissa back, but all the rest of it is meaningless without you." No response. He just keeps standing there motionless, watching me silently. Even when I told him I loved him, he said nothing. Then it hits me. Suddenly it all becomes so clear. He's willing to give up his own happiness because he believes it's the best thing for me. Because he loves me and thinks it will save me. Then I realize it's not me who needs to hear the words; I know them as intimately as if he's been telling me for years. No, what he needs is to say them. "Mulder, if I mean anything to you, as a partner, as a friend, don't lie to me now. Don't think you're protecting me by telling me what you think I need to hear. I trust you with my life. . . ", I hesitate, as my voice starts to break. "There's no one in this entire world that I trust more. Show me that you feel the same way, that you trust me completely, and tell me how you truly feel." I take a deep breath and move in front of him. If he turns away again, it could be the end and I'm not prepared to let that happen. Our bodies almost touching, I reach out and lift his chin with my hand, feeling the rough stubble against my fingers. Our eyes meet and I can see all the pain and confusion behind them. All the words that lie unspoken between us are there, just beneath the surface, struggling to escape. I'm going to give them their chance. Keeping my eyes locked on his, unwilling to give him the opportunity to avoid this, I can sense all of my fears and desires and needs merging into what I have to say. "If you can honestly tell me that you don't love me, then I'll leave." He looks away, running his fingers through his dark hair, desperately searching for the strength to answer. I close my eyes, afraid that somehow he will find the strength to say no. After what seems like an eternity, he looks at me. Speaking so softly that I can barely hear them, his words scream to my head and my heart. "You know I love you, Scully." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------- There I said it, the ultimate in selfish behavior. I'm willing to let her give up her life for me. Of course, I would sacrifice mine for hers in an instant. But what else could I do? As afraid as I am to love her, I'm even more afraid to let her go. As I stand there watching her, feelings and emotions raging through my mind, she goes back to the work of undressing me. Her fingers quickly unbutton my pants as her hands slip inside them onto my hips, pulling both my pants and boxers to the floor in an easy, fluid motion. This time I don't even try to stop her. At this point, clothing makes little difference. I'm already naked before her. She takes a step back and sits down on the bed. As lost and confused as I feel right now, struggling to make sense of everything that has happened since this morning, I scarcely even notice her eyes wandering over my naked body. I feel so weak, hating myself for not having the strength to put her safety above my own wants and needs. I look at her face expecting to see my own self-disgust mirrored in those green eyes of hers. But of course, I don't. I should know better than to expect that from my Scully. All I see is understanding, acceptance. . . . and love. The smile that is slowly spreading across her tear-stained face is like a hand lifting me up, waving away with a flash the terrible weight that has been pressing down on me. I wonder if she knows that only she has the power to reach inside me like that, the power to heal all my wounds. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------- Sitting on the edge of the bed as my eyes roam over his body, one thought just keeps repeating through my mind. *He's perfect.* For a moment, I drift away, imagining his body pressed against mine, skin against skin. Taking a quick inhale of air at the prospect, I can feel the unmistakable rush of desire surging through me. It would be so easy. . . so good just to be with him now, to give in to every aching need we both feel. If he knew the fantasies flooding through me now, what would he think? I have never wanted a man more in my entire life. But this isn't just about sex. Tonight, I hope he'll trust me enough to open his heart to me as well. Opening my eyes, I look at his face. . . . so much pain. How much misery must he have endured in his life to make him think that his own happiness doesn't matter or to think I could ever really be happy without him? I make a final mental picture of him standing there, fixing it in my mind. "You're a beautiful man, Mulder. You shouldn't be alone." A soft smile makes the picture complete. "But I'm not alone, Scully, I have you." I can feel my heart swell in my chest. Does he really understand what he just said? "Yes, you do," she replies gently, the words reaching straight into my heart. "But do you really want me?" "Want you?! Hmm, let's see. As a special agent and investigator, Dr. Scully, I would think in my present state of undress you might be able to use those deductive powers of yours to come to a conclusion based on the available facts." Over the years I've gotten used to Mulder using humor to deflect the really tough questions. But it takes me by surprise just the same. *Nice try, Mulder, but if you think I'm letting you off the hook that easy you're wrong.* Judging from the evidence he has a point there. And while it is very impressive, that's not really what I'm talking about here. "No, it's not just about sex, Mulder. I need to know if you really want me, all of me, my heart and soul." I can see the tears clouding his eyes as my own flow down my cheeks. There is a warmth and happiness in his voice that makes it nearly impossible for me to believe that it has taken us so many years to finally find love, as if we've finally acknowledged what has always been there. "I do want you, Scully," he answers carefully. "I want every part of you that you're willing to give. " He stops for a moment and I can see the hint of self-doubt creeping into his face. "I just can't fathom why you would want me." In reply, I reach beneath his pillow and pull out the soft flannel boxers he stows under there and casually toss them to him. I can't help but laugh at the surprised look on his face. After all these years out on the road together in one cheap motel after another, did he really think he had any secrets left? "I can't help it, Mulder, I just do. Now get dressed and I'll be back in a minute." ______________________________________________________________________ I 'm not sure why she left the room, but I try to not give it much thought. I know she's not leaving. She's here to stay. It all feels so incredible I can't imagine how I've fought these feelings for so long. But not any more. It's not going to be easy. There's still so many things that we have to face, but now I know we'll face what ever comes in time, together. She walks back into the room wearing the white silk pajamas that I recognize from a drunken late night visit to her apartment last summer. I doubt I can even speak as she pulls back the blankets and climbs into my bed. With effort I manage a few coherent words. "You're staying, Scully?" She pulls back the covers and pats a spot next to her on the bed for me to join her. "All these years, Mulder, I can't begin to tell you how many times I've lain awake in some hotel room god knows where knowing that you were in the next room alone. How many sleepless nights did I spend when all I really wanted was to be in your arms but I couldn't find the courage to go to you?" Her words touch me. So many nights I had longed to be with her not knowing that she felt the same way. As I slip into the bed next to her, she puts her arms around me. Before I know what is happening, I am lying with my head on her chest listening to the soft beating of her heart. As her fingers run gently through my hair, I feel enveloped in a warm, healing cocoon. I want to drown in the sensation. As I open my mouth in a vain effort at speech, I heard her soft, soothing voice. "It's OK, Mulder." Somehow, I believe that is it. I manage to get the words out before I am totally lost. "I love you, Scully."