From: ChristianO@aol.com Date: Mon, 6 May 1996 19:55:05 -0400 Subject: Ponce de Leon 1/7 The characters and situations of the television program "The X- Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. The Energizer Bunny belongs to the Energizer people, I assume. He, she, or it has also been used without permission. Summary and warnings: Pure spoof mode. Scully et al. investigate reports of a new fountain of youth. No sex; no profanity; no relationship development; minor violence. Established X-Files themes but nothing that warrants spoiler notice. Comments to: Anne Elliott; christiano@aol.com This is coming out slowly because I made such a hash of the last posting. PONCE DE LEON REVISITED Begin 1/7 "Good morning." Scully walked into the office and headed for her desk. "You're in early this morning." "I thought I'd take a look at what had come in over the weekend and see if there was anything for us." "Is there?" "Not yet. Assistant Director Skinner's office just called, though. He wants to see me in fifteen minutes. You might look through the rest of this stuff and see if you can spot anything interesting." "Betty out at the front desk was saying something about animal mutilations out just beyond the Beltway. We could actually work out of the office for once." "She must not have seen the morning newscast. They caught the guy that did that." "Oh? Who was he?" "A local judge's son. The judge is saying the kid is not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. He claims the boy was driven over the edge by watching too many Energizer (copyrighted) bunny commercials." "What's an Energizer (copyrighted) bunny commercial?" asked Scully blankly. Mulder, thrown somewhat off-stride, started to answer the question, then gave it up as a lost cause. "Never mind. The case is closed, anyway." "Who's the judge?" "Harry Dekner." "Didn't I hear something about him a couple of years ago? I thought he had a reputation as a hanging judge." "You're probably thinking of the Scanlon case. A Mexican boy and his bride were in the middle of being married in one of the big churches downtown when a crazed ex-boyfriend attacked the bride with an axe. She was fine, but the groom and two of his friends ensured that the boyfriend's genes would not be passed on in the usual manner. The judge was all for incarcerating the three Mexicans for as long as possible on attempted murder charges." "Sounds like he was trying to make his little corner of the world safe for boys like his son. How old is the kid, anyway?" "26." On that note, Mulder left for his appointment with Skinner. Scully turned on her computer and started going through files. CUT TO SKINNER'S OFFICE "Agent Mulder, it has come to my attention that you have failed to keep your medical records up to date." "I know. Things have been a little hectic lately . . . ." "For the last four years? Fortunately we seem to have come to a temporary lull in cases that merit X-Files treatment, so you are to report in one hour to the medical facility, where they will remedy the shortcomings in your dossier." "What about Agent Scully?" "She keeps her medical records nicely up to date, even if she has picked up some of your other, less productive, habits." "I understand that. What I meant was, are you going to be giving her an assignment to cover the period while I will be out of the office, or can I get her to clean up some of the back files?" "She will be given a temporary assignment running a training exercise with a young man who recently graduated from the academy. Some of the upper-level officers feel that with the propensity the two of you have for winding up in hospitals, it would be a good idea to assign at least one more agent to the X-Files to cover the office while you're out." Mulder's internal alarm systems immediately went off - in stereo. "Who is this man?" "His name is Darren White. I haven't had the opportunity to review all his records yet. This decision just came down this morning. I assume he is adequately qualified, however. Agent Scully is certainly capable of doing whatever assessment is necessary. You should be back to work in a few days." CUT BACK TO AGENTS' OFFICE "I've been a bad boy, Scully," Mulder announced as he came back in. "I haven't kept my medical files up to date." "I know," replied Scully. "Your tetanus immunization ran out in June. Getting it taken care of now is a good idea. A few days' rest and a chance to flirt with a new crop of nurses should suit you fine." "I hate hospitals, Scully." "I've never understood that about you, Mulder. Hospitals are great places. They have clean, well-equipped operating rooms, lots of research opportunities, and . . . ." "Let's skip the songs of praise to the scalpels and forceps, shall we? I have to report to the medical facility in about 45 minutes and get this 'remedied,' " Mulder went on. "Skinner is definitely not in a good mood. I'm not the only one he's mad at, though." "Is he still upset with me about the Foreman autopsy?" asked Scully curiously. "I think you could say that." "It was a totally unjustifiable intrusion. The cause of death was unmistakable, the toxocological and the blood work came back clean, and the boy's parents objected violently. There was no way I was going to perform that autopsy." "I think you were right, but Skinner was not amused." "Those idiots at accounting just wanted to increase the numbers of autopsies we were performing to justify a higher budget request for next year." "True, but you have to admit that lumping Skinner with 'those bumbling bureaucrats who want to balance their budget on the breaking hearts of bereaved parents' was a bit strong." Scully stared suspiciously at Mulder. "You weren't in the room for that part of the conversation, and I made sure the intercom was off before I started." Mulder grinned down at her. "Yes, but I saw the look on your face before I left, so I didn't close the door all the way. Sally and I barely made it back to our seats before you came sailing out at the end." Scully glared at him, but Mulder was constitutionally immune to glares. He went on blithely, "I like a good bit of alliteration myself (and sometime you have to tell me if you thought that one up in advance or if you made it up on the spot), but Sally's favorite bit was when you offered to up the figures by doing Skinner a quickie on his desk with the letter opener." (Scully sat down, put her elbows on the desk, and buried her face in her hands.) Mulder continued, "That part made it into the notebook Don keeps in the bottom drawer of his desk '101 Things You Should Never Say to Your Commanding Officer.' " He grinned again. "You should be proud. He gave it a 3-star rating. The only higher rating he's assigned so far is to 'Thompson's Lament,' that speech Greg gave on the way out after they barely stopped him from blowing up the entire top floor with his TNT and his hand-held rocket launcher." "So now that the entire department knows about our little run-in, what has Skinner decided to do to me?" "He's giving you a trainee." Scully stared at Mulder in surprise. "The top brass have decided that collectively we spend too much time in hospitals, so they're looking for back-up for us. This one is named White - Darren White. He's fresh out of the academy and Skinner doesn't know anything about his background. You're going to run training exercises and assess him while I'm gone. Speaking of which . . . ." "Yes, you'd better get going if you're going to make your 10:00. I'll give you a call after I meet this guy and let you know what I think of him." Mulder left and Scully started to pull up White's file on the computer. There was surprisingly little information in it. Darren was 22 years old, in good health, and had graduated in the top third of his academy class. His interests seemed to center on white collar crime and high-tech computer work. Scully could find nothing to explain why he was being assigned to the X-Files. She could also find no information on where he had been since graduation in June. Under normal conditions, he would have been immediately assigned to one department or another and should have several months' worth of supervisory reports on file. Agent White, however, seemed not to have existed for the last four months. Another peculiarity surfaced when Scully started to track down the case which she and Agent White had been assigned as a training exercise. She was expecting something small and local, which could be adequately handled in a maximum of three days and was fairly straightforward. A couple of the files she had been checking for Mulder would have done nicely, including the murder of a diplomat's daughter in one of Gorgetown's less savory alleys. It looked like something with plenty of nice, juicy leads where she could give Agent White his head and then assess his performance using the standard measurements. Instead, the case they had pulled involved reports that the Fountain of Youth had been discovered deep in the Ozarks, guarded by a living pillar of fire. Agent Scully and Trainee Darren White were to investigate rumors that this phenomenon was being exploited by local residents with surprising medical results. This case had obviously not appeared on the listing Mulder had checked that morning or the nurses would never have gotten a shot at him. Time was said to be of the essence, due partly to the difficulty of reaching the area, and travel arrangements had already been made for her and Agent White. They were to start in less than two hours, so she would be unable to contact Mulder before she left. End 1/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 2/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:28:28 am PDT Disclaimers and Ratings: See part 1 Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 2/7 Scully duly left a copy of the briefing papers and her itinerary for Mulder to find on his return, then went to meet Agent White. He turned out to be a very good-looking young man with a high opinion of the impression he was likely to make on any available young woman. Scully was not amused, but there was no time to do anything about his misapprehension, so she and Darren headed off for the Ozarks in an agency car. The first part of the drive went well, except when Agent White tried some small talk. "That's a nice perfume you're wearing, Agent Scully." "Thank you. It's Autumn Eve." Scully was all set to provide some interesting facts on the manufacture of perfumes and the effects of various chemical combinations on different physiologies, but it rapidly became apparent this was not where Agent White was headed. Scully managed to derail him by asking about his background, but was disappointed to discover that his credentials for working with the X-Files consisted of having once read the September 1974 issue of Fate magazine and an expensive addiction to the Wee Psychic Group. It appeared that his personal Wee Psychic, cunningly named Sybil, had told him that a major career move was in his immediate future. Scully privately thought that deckhand on a garbage scow was about right, but kept her opinion to herself, which was more than Darren was doing with his hands. She did resolve to stop at the first restroom she could find and replace Autumn Eve with Eau de Tear Gas. A lunch break enabled her to reestablish control of the situation. She tried to interest Agent White in some historical information she had brought along on Ponce de Leon, but without success. She was unable to determine any qualifications he had which would help solve this case. Worse, by late afternoon, they had gotten well into the mountains and Agent White was beginning to lose some of his earlier inhibitions about behavior around a senior agent. Scully, who was driving, discovered that Agent White was rather closer to her than to the door on his side and that his left hand was out of sight somewhere behind her. She used a sharp left curve, taken at about twice the posted speed, to readjust their positions and was pleased to note that the combination of centrifugal force and fear of flying in a Ford caused Agent White's left hand to reappear. It was now engaged in a white-knuckled grip on the dashboard. However, she took another look at the length of his arm and decided that, in his case, his reach might not exceed his grasp. To make assurance doubly sure, she warned him to tighten his seatbelt. "While you're at it, would you get that file folder out from under the seat and review the facts of the case for me? I didn't have much time to look into it this morning." "Sorry, Agent Scully. Reading in a moving vehicle makes me carsick." This suited Scully just fine. "Well, I noticed a billboard advertising a restaurant about three miles along. We'll stop there for something to eat and I can review the file then." At the restaurant, Scully managed to find a booth which would allow her to seat Agent White facing into the setting sun. Hopefully, this would keep him somewhat occupied during the meal. When he ordered grits, ham with red-eye gravy, and a biscuit with honey for dinner, Scully decided he was probably more at home in this milieu than she was. Re-reading the file prevented her from having to talk to the man, though, and provided her with ammunition for the rest of the trip. When they returned to the car, she announced she was tired and would nap in the backseat while he drove. This worked well and Scully actually got some sleep. The next difficulty arose when they reached the motel and she discovered Darren had booked one room for the two of them. After considering the range of untraceable poisions available to her based on a quick overview of the local shrubbery, Scully settled for booking a second room for herself, at the maximum distance possible from Agent White. When he protested that this would only cost the Bureau extra money, she replied that it was a safety precaution in case someone bombed one of the rooms. After settling in, they met to determine how to spend the rest of the evening. Agent White, still working on breaking down Scully s resistance, suggested a drive up to one of the scenic viewpoints to look at the stars. Scully had no trouble resisting this offer and instead insisted on doing a tour of the local night spots, in hopes of finding someone drunk enough to talk without holding back. She managed to collect a good deal of miscellaneous and often-contradictory information, but found it increasingly difficult to drag Agent White away from the local ladies, who had spotted fresh meat. She would have been happy enough to leave him to them, but suspected that her position as team leader made that an untenable option. She also wanted Darren to have whatever passed with him for a clear head in the morning. Finally Agent White made himself enough of a nuisance that she declared it a Class One Training Exercise, which involved everything up to and including individual survival tests in case the team was separated by hostile forces while working on a case. In this particular form of the exercise, she told Darren, he would be left at the motel where they were currently registered while she would go alone to a second motel under an assumed name. If he could find her by 8:00 in the morning, he got to eat breakfast. If not, she would pick him up at his room at 9. Following a hearty breakfast the next morning, Scully went to pick up Darren, finding him somewhat hungry but not sufficiently chastened for her purposes. Together they began to check out local reports, narrowing down the probable location of the spring and interviewing residents of the small town of Bellevue who claimed to have had near-miraculous results from drinking the water from the fountain. A few reports also mentioned the living pillar of fire, estimated to stand anywhere from eight to twenty feet tall (depending largely on the inebriation level of the interviewee). There was, however, unanimous agreement that the creature was associated with the fountain in some way and was hostile to visitors. Scully called another Class One Exercise for the night, in hopes of getting some sleep before beginning actual field work in the morning. End 2/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 3/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:28:12 am PDT Disclaimers and Ratings: See part 1 Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 3/7 Mulder had been released from the hospital late in the afternoon of the second day (in acccordance with hospital policy of doing everything in the most inconvenient way possible for any one patient). He called Scully at the office, but got only a recorded message. He tried again later, alternating with calls on their private line, but got nowhere. Finally he gave up and went in to the office, where he discovered the briefing papers and Scully's initial reports, which she had been dutifully uploading to the agency computer each night. Being much less sceptical, but infinitely more paranoid, than Scully, Mulder immediately leaped to the conclusion that this was a Purity Control operation. He jumped in his car and headed for Bellevue. Being Mulder, however, he did not go straight into town, but wandered around the back roads until he found a likely looking cabin with a full set of hounds in a run out back. He went to the door and introduced himself to the sole inhabitant, a rugged-looking, older man named Tom, who agreed to lead him to the Fountain of Youth for a small honorarium. Mulder explained that his partner and a trainee were investigating the site, discovering that Tom knew all about them (and didn't think much of Darren). He liked Scully's looks and behavior, though, saying she reminded him a lot of his wife, Emma. Tom and Mulder hiked over a few nice scenic hills and found themselves looking down into a small valley with a stream running down the middle. Tom explained that the area was honeycombed with caves and artesian wells and springs, which was why no one had singled out this particular spring before. The effect was noticeable only if the water was taken from the small basin immediately surrounding the spring itself, and died out rapidly further downstream. Mulder whipped out his handy field glasses and noted that there were several camouflaged trucks in the vicinity and a lot of activity around the one large cave mouth on the far wall of the valley. He pointed the location out to Tom, who replied that that particular feature was closely associated with appearances by the fire monster. His own dogs, which would hunt anything else up to and including bears and wildcats, would not come out from under his porch any night the monster was walking. He believed it was not simply a hoax, but possibly something dropped by a spaceship on an exploratory tour. Tom also pointed out a second, well-concealed cleft which opened into the same cave gallery as the main cave mouth, though through a rather twisted tunnel. Mulder decided to investigate using the second opening and, unhooking his trusty flashlight, trudged off toward the tunnel. Tom kept a rather pensive eye on him from a distance while the hounds made a break for home. In the tunnel, Mulder discovered that, first, it was a lot hotter than your standard 56 degrees in this particular cave and, second, he didn't need the flashlight because there was plenty of light coming from the main tunnel up ahead. With his pyrophobia, these did not seem like good signs to him. He continued on, however, to a spot where the two tunnels intersected. Mulder's tunnel opened into the side of the main tunnel about ten feet off the floor. The first thing Mulder noticed in the new tunnel was a strong smell of sulfur. The second was Scully lying tied up on the floor in front of him. He climbed down and was starting to untie her when she warned him to look back up the main tunnel. The fire monster was approaching, and it appeared that its true height was approximately twelve feet. Scully urged Mulder to take her reports, carefully concealed in her belt, and get out of there, since she had personally tried everything short of bazookas on this monster with no visible effects. Mulder, however, had other plans. Turning to face the monster, he whipped something out of his pocket and threw it down the tunnel. The resultant explosion knocked him down, along with a good part of the cave roof, but caused no significant damage to either agent. Scully, after ascertaining that Mulder was unharmed by his fall, immediately moved on the next most pressing question. "Where did you get the plastique, anyway?" She had, of course, recognized the active ingredient from the chemical by-products released by the explosion and the thermal effects on the nearby rock structures. Mulder explained that he had stopped by Joe's Bar & Grill, Dry Goods, and Arms Dump just across the state line on the way down. Scully nodded; she knew the place. Now it was Mulder's turn. "Where is Agent White?" Unfortunately, Scully could not give as responsive an answer to this one. "I don't know. I picked him up for breakfast this morning, but he left in the middle of the meal and I haven't seen him since." "Did he leave on his own?" "As far as I could tell. I backtracked him, of course. He went back to his motel, packed, and left in the agency car. He was alone the entire time, and received no phone calls or other messages that I could trace. There was no one in either the dining room or the motel whom I recognized, and the last word I got on Darren was that he was headed back up 93 toward Washington at a smooth 75 mph." Mulder, either too polite or too reticient to ask her what the heck she had done to the young agent anyway, settled for, "Do you have any idea why he would just get up and leave in the middle of breakfast?" "No. All we were doing was laying out the field plans for the day. It was a standard briefing session - nothing out of the ordinary at all." "What were you planning to do?" "I told him we were going to come up here and track a hostile 12-foot fire monster through a series of uncharted caves it was apparently sharing on some undisclosed basis with a group of mad scientists who were engaged in an illegal human genetic manipulation experiment." "And with all that to look forward to, he just got up and left?" "That's it." "Well, I guess there's no point in looking for him around here, then." Having covered that subject to their satisfaction, and hearing footsteps approaching the far side of the cave-in, Mulder and Scully headed back out Mulder's side tunnel toward the fresh air. Scully checked to find out how Mulder managed to trace her to the cave. "It's a gift," Mulder replied modestly. "Actually, I read your reports and got some help from one of the local mountain men." Once outside, Mulder introduced Scully to Tom, who popped out of the underbrush as they arrived. "Agent Scully, this is Tom Meriwether, one of the local landowners." "Lieutenant Commander Meriwether," said Scully. "I'm delighted to meet you." Mulder looked rather taken aback, as did Tom, but it came out that Scully had attended a lecture on cryptology by Lt. Cmdr. Meriwether while she was still at the academy. Tom admitted to his credentials and explained that he had had some misgivings about the government types sniffing around the spring himself. He suggested a temporary hide-out in a small local cave system until Mulder and Scully could determine whether or not they were being sought by Purity Control. He gave them directions and offered to send his friend Zeke around with provisions after dark. Mulder, somewhat suspicious of Tom after this disclosure, asked after his wife, Emma. "She's in the hospital right now," Tom admitted. "Nothing serious, I hope," said Scully, her physician's instincts coming to the fore. "Naw," replied Tom with his best 'Aw shucks' look. "Three car-jackers jumped her the other night after work. She took all three of them down with my service revolver, but then she wrenched her back pulling one of them out of the road. She should be home tomorrow." Looking at Mulder, Tom added, "I told you Agent Scully reminded me a lot of Emma." "You must be very proud of her," said Mulder drily. "Durn right," said Tom, reverting to hillbilly with a vengeance. "She's been having to shoot left-handed lately because of her arthritis. I wouldn't have rated her to have gotten more than two of them." End 3/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 4/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:28:58 am PDT Disclaimers and Ratings: See part 1 Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 4/7 Mulder and Scully found the caves without incident and spent a profitable afternoon discussing the possible derivation of the fire monster, whether or not it was connected with the silicon-based life forms they had run into before, and the possible role of Purity Control in the Fountain of Youth affair. Mulder learned that on one of the nights she managed to get away from Agent White, Scully had broken into the district high school and done a rough analysis of some spring water she had managed to obtain from one of the local residents. It definitely showed signs of the same alien DNA they had run into earlier. Mulder finally got around to inquiring how Scully had managed to get herself into the mess in which he found her. She explained that after Agent White left, it took her a little time to find another mode of transportation, Darren having taken their car (and all her spare clothes) with him. Worse, her favorite high-beam, adjustable Scully-light (pat. pend.) had been in the trunk of the car. Naturally, he had not gotten any of her regular scientific or agency equipment. Once she had satisfied herself that Darren was not in any trouble that he needed to be rescued from immediately, she had headed out to complete the day's program. She was just making the second plaster cast of one of the monster's footprints when she heard a noise behind her and everything went black. That was all she knew until she found herself lying tied up in an unfamiliar part of the cave. "But there's something I have to tell you that you won't want to hear." "What's that?" "There was something different about that second footprint. It showed a definite deformation along the second carpal ridge. It als looked smaller than the prints I found previously. Either this was a place where the monster slipped and what I found was a handprint, or there were two of those things in that mountain." Mulder couldn't decide whether to be happy because there might be another monster around to study or depressed because it was a fire monster. Fortunately about this time a hound dog showed up at the cave mouth carrying a pack. "It's me, Zeke," came a low hail. "Tom sent me over. The dogs and I are just checking to see if that pesky wildcat that has been taking lambs is still out here. Just leave the pack under the big rock outside the cave when you're done with it. Tom will pick it up in the morning." "Thanks, Zeke," Mulder called back. "Good hunting." Zeke and the dogs left and Mulder started unpacking the knapsack. Scully picked up one of the bottles and had started to uncork it when Mulder took it away from her. "What's up?" "That one's mine." Mulder turned the bottle to show her the neat 'Agent Mulder' label. This one's yours." "What's the difference?" Mulder, who had by now opened his bottle and sniffed it cautiously, replied, "About 180 proof, at a guess. I think we'd better share yours. I expect to have to be able to walk later tonight." "What are you going to do with yours?" asked Scully, handing over her bottle so Mulder could have a swig. "I thought you might want to bottle it for disinfectant to use in your lab. Or maybe we'll send it down to NASA to use with the next rocket launch. How many miles to a pint do you think they'd get?" "About 327, from the smell of it. If you don't want to alert every revenue agent in the area, you'd better put the top back on that. What time do we leave?" "Moonset's about 2:13 tonight, according to Tom. I thought we'd hike over the nearest outdoor pay phone and call Assistant Director Skinner's office. I have a feeling he'll be in tonight. Where's the closest phone?" "4.37 miles north-northeast, if you want one we can get to in the dark with no questions asked." "All right. Maybe we can get your other fire monster to come out and light our way." Promptly at 2:13 they set out for the phone. Even in the moonlight it was slow going over the hills. Mulder, grunting in disgust at one more tree branch located just at eye level, complained, "Scully, we've walked every inch of 4.38 miles. Where s that phone?" Not receiving an answer, he looked back to realize that Scully was among the missing. A second later, a metallic click drew his attention .01 miles back, to where Scully was busily punching numbers into a large oak tree. Seeing his surprise, she shrugged slightly and said only, "Rustic humor." True to Mulder's prediction, Skinner was indeed hard at work. "When are you and Agent Scully coming back?" he asked Mulder. "How did you know I'd found Agent Scully?" retorted Mulder suspiciously. "Because you called in. Whenever you're out looking for her, you're either all over my office demanding miracles or you're incommunicado for days at a time and the only way I can find out anything about your movements is to trace you on the National Security Satellite Net. Sometimes if I'm lucky you show up on the satellite reconnaissance photos. The only thing worse is when Agent Scully is out looking for you. For some reason she never shows up on the reconnaissance photos." "You've got to teach me how you do that," Mulder whispered to Scully. "It's a gift," she whispered back. Skinner continued obliviously. "Agent White showed up this afternoon after flying in from Knoxville. He wants to transfer to Terrorist Control or some other safe haven. How can I get you new help if you keep scaring them off?" Scully was all for explaining that she was just offering Agent White a special treat, but Mulder stopped her. "From Agent Scully's description, I don't really think he had the right mentality to make a good X-Files addition," he told Skinner. "All right, all right. When can you get back?" "I don't see how we can make it before Thursday morning," said Mulder smoothly. "Agent White took off with the agency car, and my car seems to have developed a strange rattle I think I need to have checked out." He hung up the phone and Scully looked up at him. "What's this about Thursday morning? I didn't notice any strange rattle in your car last Friday." "Well, while I was talking to Tom, he happened to offer me two tickets to the play-offs between the Rebel Yells and Mosby's Raiders at the J.E.B. Stuart High School field on Wednesday night. The Raiders have this really great quarterback . . . ." At the football game (which the Raiders won in a neck-and-neck double overtime), Mulder and Scully heard rumors that the pillar of fire was still walking, leading them to speculate that either there was indeed another monster loose or the first monster was more resistant to plastique than they had believed possible. At halftime, Mulder was approached by Ed McClintock, one of the less savory local yokels, who told him that after the explosion at the cave a number of residents had seen lights at an old abandoned moonshine shack back in the hills. There had also been a lot of alien folk lurking in the same vicinity. To Mulder's considerable disappointment, "alien" in this case turned out to correlate closely with "they didn't have no beards." Mulder and Scully, of course, headed for the cabin immediately following the game. It took them some time to locate the nearest roadside on which to leave Mulder's car. This was followed by a considerable hike through the wild woods. It was a dark and stormy night (after the game ended, of course) and clouds hid the moon from sight as they came out in the clearing surrounding the ruined cabin. The windows were cracked and the roof was deteriorating rapidly, but there was a first-rate lock on the door. Scully took out her lockpicks and had it open in five seconds flat. Once inside, the agents began investigating by flashlight (Scully bemoaning the loss of her Scully-light, but making the best of the situation nonetheless). The place was dirty and had collected a fair amount of junk, including an old still in one corner. Mulder was looking into it when he spied an unexpected red glow from an electronic component in the bottom of the still. Realizing that the place was wired to explode, and that they had tripped some sort of timer, Mulder and Scully rushed outside, barely ahead of the fireworks. (Visually satisfying explosion) A flying piece of still hit Mulder in the back and he fell unconscious, bleeding heavily. (Visually satisfying amount of gore glistening in the light of the burning cabin) Scully pulled out her walkie talkie, tuned to a local emergency frequency (which she had, of course, checked out in advance), called for a rescue unit, then went over to check on Mulder's condition. End 4/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 5/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:29:46 am PDT Disclaimers and Ratings: See part 1 Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 5/7 Mulder lay in bed, hooked up to an IV unit. Scully sat on his left, waiting for him to wake up. Mulder duly woke up, looked around once, and said weakly, "I see we're researching another chapter of Rural Hospitals I Have Known." Scully smiled slightly and asked, "How do you feel?" "Like I drank most of whatever they used to have in that still. What happened?" "A piece of the still hit you in the back just below your shoulder blades. You lost a lot of blood, but there wasn't any permanent damage." "They must have a really efficient fire and rescue unit here." "Efficient is not the term I would use. It took them an hour and a half to get to us. I don't know if it was lack of equipment or if they assumed we were revenue agents." Mulder, curiously: "How come I didn't bleed to death waiting? You must have found some really potent pressure points." "Actually, I got tired of waiting and sewed you up myself." Mulder looked at her to see if she was kidding. "With what? A blade of grass and a daisy chain? I didn't notice you carrying your doctor bag when we left the cabin and the car was at least a half-hour hike away." "It probably feels like that," admitted Scully. "But when I'd been working X-Files with you for a couple of weeks, I realized that I would undoubtedly be doing field surgery at some point in time. So I bound needles into the seams of all my clothes and went over all my hems with surgical thread." Mulder gazed at her in admiration and jumped to the critical implication. "Why don't you set off the security alarms at the airport and at headquarters?" "I thought about that." (Of course she did.) "I don't use metal needles. I had some made up out of that superhard plastic that terrorists use to make guns that can be smuggled in out of." "I knew I kept you around for a reason. Have you contacted Assistant Director Skinner yet?" "Yes, I sent in an interim report late last night and he called here about an hour ago." "What did he say?" "He thinks you should give up football for Lent." "Scully, it's October." "I pointed that out to him." "What else did he say?" "He says we could save the department a lot of money if we quit registering at motels." "Where are we supposed to sleep? In the car?" "No. He says we should just check straight in to the nearest emergency medical facility. That way we could avoid all the rush paperwork and the double billing for rooms we never use anyway." "Sounds like he's in a really good mood." "Just be glad you missed it. I think someone higher up is putting pressure on him to get us off this case." Mulder decided to get down to business. "How long was I out?" "About 10 hours. They gave you a sedative to keep you quiet so the wound could close thoroughly. It was pretty deep. It's a good thing your tetanus booster was up to date." Mulder looked at her sceptically. "Did you get some more plastique?" "Yes." (Score one for Mulder.) "Joe says he's about out of stock, though. It'll be 6 to 10 working days before he can get more in." "We'll have to use this carefully, then. I didn't want to destroy the creature if we could help it, anyway. There haven't been any reports of fatalities connected with it, have there? I don't remember any in the background briefing." "No, there haven't. But that may be because the locals have been steering real clear of it. It's not so much that I think the creature is actively hostile. It certainly doesn't seem to be seeking out opportunities for destruction. But it's just not the sort of thing that can safely coexist with a major tourist attraction, which is what this spring is turning into. It's only a matter of time before some kids high on drugs decide to play chicken with it or some nature nut decides to commune with it more closely. It's not as if it were a part of the normal environment here. There's nothing in local legends or superstition resembling it at all. The Fountain of Youth by itself is part of the traditional folklore, but not this pillar of fire guardian. It's obviously been introduced from outside for some reason." "Are you sure it couldn't have evolved locally, deeper underground say, and just come up to the surface for some reason?" "I can't believe it could ever have evolved and survived in this region. The creature is obviously dependent on a comparatively warm, oxygen-rich atmosphere. I've done atmospheric tests before and after it passed my location, and there is a definite rise in CO2 and reduction in O2 after it goes through. It uses a standard combustion reaction. The mountains here are largely limestone. That's why you get such well-developed caverns. But limestone, when it breaks down, releases carbon dioxide, not oxygen. A creature dependent on large amounts of oxygen would be highly unlikely to develop in this sort of setting. I'm fairly certain it's also used to a warmer atmosphere. The Ozarks make very nice scenery, but they're definitely short on volcanoes, which is my guess for an appropriate setting for this creature." "What else have you been able to find out about it?" "People who have been nearby when the creature passed have reported feeling dizzy for a minute or two. They are also unanimous that a distinct breeze follows the creature wherever it goes. I think the dizziness is related to the oxygen depletion and carbon dioxide increase I mentioned a minute ago. I think the breeze ties in with something else, though. "I took temperature readings from the walls of the cave and found that they registered 400 to 500 degrees. That's hot all right, but nowhere near blast-furnace readings. It would incinerate anything organic the creature stepped on, though. But there is no indication that the vegetation around the spring has been damaged at all by heat, even though the creature spends a lot of time there. And in the casts that I took of its footprints you'd expect the mud to have been baked around the print. But the mud was still so soft that I had trouble with the casts." "What are you suggesting? That the creature has some sort of refrigeration system in its feet?" "In a way. I think it has air intakes on the backs of its feet. Cool air enters more or less at ground level and keeps that part of the creature's anatomy cool enough that it doesn't damage the vegetation. That makes sense, because it would be a natural symbiont for plants, since it emits carbon dioxide and consumes oxygen. It would be counter-productive for it to kill off the source of the oxygen it needs to survive." "Maybe we could find some little ones and sell them for combination garden lights/growth enhancers. It could be a whole new market." "We don't know anything that would help us confine them, though, if you want to try to keep one alive." Scully pointed out. "We don't know how big they grow, for starters. Their size seems to be variable at any given time. Probably they don't really have much fixed structure. I think they may be more bonded energy than anything else. I don't think they could be confined in any sort of regular cage. Any metal strong enough not to melt would either retain or refract enough heat that it would soon build up to temperatures even the creature couldn't survive. The one positive feature is that you probably wouldn't have to keep a herd of them. They probably reproduce by fission, or something of the sort. For that matter, when you blew up the other one, you may simply have hastened the reproductive process. There could be dozens of little sparks running around down there now. We'll have to go down and check sometime soon." "Maybe I get my garden lights after all. If you don't know how big these things get, do you know if they are free-roaming or if they tend to stay in one area most of the time? This one has been pretty sedentary, all things considered." "They obviously move around some, but they probably don't have to travel a lot. After all, natural circulation of air brings them their basic nutrient. They don't have to get out and hunt. But they can move pretty fast when they want to." "How intelligent do you think they are? Why does this one keep going out to the spring? I can't see it going in for a cooling dip. And why does it do it at night, anyway? If it likes it hot, these mountains are a lot warmer at noon than at midnight." "I think I found something that might answer that. One of the things I analyzed was rock samples from the routes the creature used most often. I found distinct traces of hyperuon." (Don t bother. I made it up.) "What's hyperuon?" "It's an unstable, man-made compound which, in the presence of heat and carbon dioxide, decomposes into lithium, carbon, and gaseous oxygen." "Are you telling me we have some sort of Pied Piper out there laying down a trail of this hyperuon for the creature to follow?" "That's my guess. We know there are a number of men using that large cavern as a sort of staging area. The creature had to be transported here from somewhere by someone. They're probably our next best lead. Then, too, they're probably the ones who boobytrapped that still." End 5/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 6/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:30:34 am PDT Disclaimers and Ratings: See part 1 Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 6/7 The next evening, having gotten Mulder checked out of the hospital and re-outfitted with plastique and other necessities of life, the two agents headed for the large cavern to find out what was brewing there. Using some of Tom's back passageways, they managed to sneak into the main cave and found themselves behind a small pile of boxes. Several suspicious-looking guys in suits were wandering around the cave. As Mulder and Scully watched, another man came out of a large tunnel at the back. "The boss wants one more appearance by the fire creature tonight. Then he gets disassembled and packed up. We've leaving tomorrow night. I'm going to need some more of that stuff we use to lay down a trail. Is that all we have left?" He pointed to a small box off to the agents' left. "Not that. That's the reagent for the blood tests." (Scully's ears perked up.) "The other stuff's in those boxes down there." (The second man pointed to the pile of boxes behind which Mulder and Scully were hiding.) "OK. That should be plenty, then. I don't understand why this second model takes so much more of the stuff to follow than the first one did." "The model we're using now is Dr. Johnson's prototype. The one Mulder blew up was an improved version. We're just lucky we had the prototype around when we needed it. Why didn't you have the sense to put a tail on Mulder so we'd know he was coming?" "How was I to know he was going to show up here, especially with a pocketful of plastique? We'd have known more if your nephew Clyde hadn't spent all his time trying to put the make on Scully." (Mulder's eyebrows went up; he hadn't heard this part of the story. Scully's eyebrows went up; she had no idea who Clyde was.) "Why'd he take off like that, anyway? He knew he didn't have to worry about any fire monster." "When Scully started talking about the government agents in the cave, he thought she had the whole thing taped. He was afraid of what she might do when she got him back in the caves alone." (Mulder looked down at Scully in amusement; Scully looked rather disgusted - murder was not her style. A little sodium pentothal, though . . . .) "Why are we closing down tomorrow night?" "It's the last day of the county fair. Each of the little townships around here has some charity that they take on as a sort of local pride thing. Here it's the Red Cross blood drive. About 72% of the eligible locals come out and donate on the last day of the fair. That's a better sampling ratio than we'll get any other way, and it's targeted to the adult population we're interested in." "How are you planning to get your hands on the blood samples? Hijack a Red Cross ambulance?" "No, the boss has that all set up. There's been an outbreak of a rather nasty little gastro-intestinal virus two counties over. The Centers for Disease Control have arranged to get extra samples from everyone who's donating anyway for their tests. This is the fourth county to undergo random testing, so there'll be no reason for anyone to suspect what we're doing with the blood." "Is this the same virus that caused all those deaths down in Olochohombre?" "That was purely accidental. We didn't realize how malnourished all those people were. Besides, we cut the strength to one-quarter this time around. With no fatalities, and no spread outside the one county, all the official interest will die a natural death soon enough. Even if some bright boy at the CDC figures out that the virus was man-made, there wouldn't be any trail back to us. So we'll be free and clear." "How do we get the samples from the CDC people?" "We don't. We do our tests first. It just takes a couple of drops on a little of that white powder there. We'll draw the extra blood at the Red Cross booth, get a little information from the donors at the same time, do our tests, and send the rest on to the CDC like good little government agents. No one will miss a drop or two from each vial." Scully leaned over to Mulder. "I need a sample of that powder." "All right. I'll go outside and create a diversion. You get your sample and meet me back at the car." Mulder headed back out and Scully settled down to wait for what would come. What would come turned out to be two of the government trucks in a head-to-head collision just outside the cave. (More nice showy pyrotechnics) As the men inside rushed forward to see what was going on, one of them spotted Mulder running from the scene. The government agent took a couple of shots at Mulder, but missed in the uncertain light of burning trucks. Meanwhile Scully had gone over to the box containing the reagent, scooped some into one of her handy test tubes, tucked the test tube into her purse, reset the lid of the box, and vanished into the side tunnel. Back at the motel, Mulder wanted to know what they had. So did Scully, but this wasn't doing them any good. She wanted to take the sample back to Washington for analysis, but they couldn't both do that and interfere with the blood collection the following evening. They also had to find someplace else to hide for the time being, since some of the other agents had certainly seen Mulder and would be on their trail within a very short time. After kicking around various possibilities, they decided to go enlist Tom to find them a new hideout and to take the specimen to Washington while they stuck around and tried to come up with some method of blowing the blood tests. The simplest one would be to substitute a different reagent so that all the blood tests would come up wrong, but since they didn't know what reagent they were starting with, that could pose problems. Possibly Skinner could get the Centers for Disease Control to send out some of their own people to draw the blood, since the CDC did not seem to be involved, but that might take longer than was feasible. Scully was opposed to anything that would compromise the blood drive, because the blood was badly needed, especially during hunting season, though all the infected samples would, of course, have to be dumped. Tom was perfectly willing to provide them with their choice of hideouts, depending on what they wanted in the way of facilities and location. In fact, he sounded rather like a real estate agent doing his spiel. He was also quite willing to take the powder sample to Washington. He could get it there early the next morning by flying it up in his Piper Cub. This would solve the problem of how to spike the blood tests, because if Mulder and Scully knew what the reagent was by about noon, they could come up with a substitute fairly easily. The difficulty then would be to make the switch. The next morning Tom flew out early with the sample reagent. Mulder headed off to the fairgrounds to take a look at the set-up for the blood drive and Scully started collecting blood samples from some of the locals to whom Tom had introduced her. She was testing the blood in various ways using some of the reagent when Mulder showed up again. "I've arranged for the Red Cross to have a little glitch in their operations. They won't start taking blood until around two this afternoon. They say that won't be a problem. Most people give blood on their way home, not when they've just come, so their heavy time is the evening, not the morning. I also arranged with Assistant Director Skinner to have the blood impounded once the van gets clear of this area. He'll call the CDC, too, and see that they do follow-up tests with what they get. How are you coming?" "I'm hoping that what they plan is a simple color change test. I really don't see how they can prepare and study a thousand or more slides this evening before the shipment is due out. They might have some sort of phosphorescent set-up, though. Maybe we'll know more after Tom gets back with the substitute reagent." "Skinner didn t have any information on that end of it when I talked to him. He said to call him back about 10:30, because that was when the lab results were due in." "It's almost that now. Hand me that glass of water over there, would you? I want to see if adding water to one of these samples makes any difference." Mulder handed her the water, then watched over her shoulder as she added a drop of water to a little reddish-brown pile on the table in front of her. For a moment there was no change, then the sample turned blue. "This could be the test they're planning to use, then. It's quick and easy and takes no training at all either to do or to evaluate. That's a sample from someone who drank water from the spring about a week ago. Here's one from a woman who has been drinking from the spring regularly for about three weeks now." This time the sample turned yellow. "I'll call Skinner and see if he has anything yet," said Mulder, suiting the action to the words. "The lab boys just dropped off the results of their tests," said Skinner with no introduction. "Their best guess is that they will be using a color change test with water as a catalyst." (Score one for Scully.) "We're sending a new lot of substitute reagent down with Lieutenant Commander Meriwether. It looks just like the previous reagent, but the color change is shifted. The older tests don't change color at all and the newer ones come out yellow. It should confuse the examiners no end." End 6/7 =========================================================================== From: ChristianO@aol.com Subject: Ponce de Leon 7/7 Date: Saturday, May 11, 1996 at 7:31:42 am PDT Comments to: Anne Elliott, christiano@aol.com Begin Ponce de Leon Revisited 7/7 Scully and Mulder decided to nap until Tom got back. This would have the dual advantage of leaving them refreshed for their night s work and proving to Skinner they really did use their motel rooms. Tom made a remarkably quick trip back and showed up on Scully's doorstep with the new reagent early in the afternoon. Scully called Mulder and they headed out to try to find some way to make the switch. The agents learned that the Red Cross end of the blood drive was headquartered in a small trailer at one edge of the fairgrounds. Watching from the concealment of a nearby pile of empty boxes, they determined that there was only one man inside the trailer. He seemed set to stay there, however. The smell of stew cooking on the trailer stove drifted out the open window nearby. The box of reagent stood on a counter beside the stove. "What we need is some sort of diversion he won't recognize for a diversion," muttered Scully. "How do we get that box out of there without his knowing it's been switched? I'm sure they know both of us by sight by now." Mulder looked down at her and grinned. "I have an idea. Stay here and make sure nobody else gets into that trailer. It won't work if there's anyone else inside." He headed off for one of the booths toward the middle of the fairgrounds. Scully kept watch on the trailer and the substitute reagent. Mulder came back, triumphantly holding up a jar of pickled peppers. "Here we go. The latest in secret weapons at your service." "What are you planning to do with that?" asked Scully skeptically. "Trade him for the reagent?" "Not exactly. Give me a piece of paper, not too small." Scully handed over a nice piece of bond, neatly folded to fit a #10 envelope. Mulder wrote on the outside "Dr. Nathan Williams" and on the inside, "You owe me a lunch," folded the paper back, and looked around. "Now I need a confederate." "If you're looking for the re-enactors, they're on the other side of the fairgrounds," Scully pointed out. "Actually, I'm looking for someone rather less conspicuous than that," said Mulder. "There, he'll do nicely." He pointed out a 13-year-old boy wandering down the line of fair booths with a slightly glum expression. "Stay here and watch the reagent. I'll be right back." Going up to the boy, Mulder asked him, "How would you like to pick up an easy $5 and help me play a trick on one of my friends in the trailer over there?" "What do you mean?" asked the boy cautiously. "You smell that stew he's cooking? I think it needs to be spiced up some before it's edible, but this guy's from New Jersey. He wouldn't know good stew if it bit him. So I want you to get him to the door of the trailer and keep him there long enough so I can dump these peppers into the pot through the back window without him knowing. I have a fake letter for him that you can use to stall him with." Mulder showed the boy the Dr. Williams letter. "How do I know what you're going to put in that pot?" asked the boy next. "Here. Smell these. I just bought them in that booth over there." Mulder held out the jar of peppers and the boy, wise in the ways of his community, took a gingerly sniff from a distance. "Wow. Those are Ma Tregarth's pickled peppers, all right. She makes them up special for all the UDC bake sales. Listen, don't waste all that on a guy from New Jersey. A third of 'em 'll do fine. Save the rest for someone who can appreciate them." "Thanks for the tip," said Mulder, smiling. "Listen, if you can keep the guy occupied for two minutes, there's another $5 in it for you. Just come on around behind the trailer when he goes back in. I'll be waiting for you there. Give me a couple of minutes to get in place before you knock, though." Mulder headed back to the kitchen window on the trailer and waited for the boy's knock at the front door. He managed to get the screen off, the reagent switched, and the screen back on before the man came back into the trailer. Mulder immediately moved to the edge of the woods behind the trailer, scuffed a loose hole in the dirt, and poured a third of the jar of peppers into it. He put the lid back on the jar as Scully asked curiously, "Is that safe for the local wildlife?" "Scully, that's a local delicacy you're impugning. Half the polecats on this ridge will be fighting over it by dark." "Polecats?" Before Mulder could continue Scully's education in the rudiments of Southern culture, the boy appeared at the far end of the trailer and started toward them. Mulder walked over to him and handed him another $5. "You did fine. I hid them at the bottom of the pot, where he won't find them until they've cooked through. You'll probably hear him when he does, though." "Thank you, sir," said the boy. He started to walk away, then called back over his shoulder, "Don't forget your box. You wouldn't want to lose that after all the trouble you had getting it." He disappeared around the corner of the trailer. "Scully, remind me to come back in about five years and have a little talk with that kid." "You mean when he can be put away as an adult?" "No, I mean when he's old enough I can recruit him for the Bureau." On their way back to the car, it dawned on Scully that she had a problem. Mulder was fascinated by the fair and in no hurry to leave, regardless of the consequences. Frequent, firm repetition of the mantra, "We have to get the reagent out of here," got them halfway down the row of booths. The livestock exhibits, fortunately, held no appeal for Mulder, filled as they were with blatantly healthy, normal, Earth-type specimens. The third-to-last booth, however, nearly proved their downfall. The old wood carver was obviously both skilled and practiced. His carvings of local wildlife were exquisitely detailed and finished to a satiny sheen. Mulder's attention, however, was drawn with an almost audible snap to the back shelf with its delightful depiction of two smiling adult Reticulans watching their three offspring at play. It wasn't until Scully had physically assaulted the booth and yanked the carver's brightly-illustrated copy of the one of the leading abductees' magazines from its hiding place under the counter that she was able to draw her disconsolate partner away. Mulder was so disgruntled by this discovery of rank perfidy in the very heart of the mountains that he absent-mindedly got in the passenger side of the car. Scully immediately capitalized on this oversight and had the engine started before Mulder recognized his mistake. Back at their hide-out, however, Mulder's glum mood vanished as quickly as it had come. Pulling a book out of his jacket pocket, he waved it triumphantly at Scully. "Look what I found while I was looking for those peppers. 'These Marvellous Mystic Mountains.' It's got all the old stories about this area. Listen to this one. It's called 'The Fifteenth Miner.' It starts, 'The winter of 1892 was brutal, even by mountain standards . . . .' " Mulder read happily through the afternoon, pausing briely to reprop Scully when she fell asleep right in the middle of "'The Wolfman of Ards." Fortunately his timing was impeccable and he was on the last page when a voice came from outside. "Agent Mulder? Agent Scully? You two in there?" Mulder picked up his gear, prodding Scully awake with his toe. (He would watch out for that little trick with the car the next time.) "Coming." The sun was nearing the top of the far pines when Mulder, Scully, Tom, and a couple of buddies of Tom's who had come along for the ride got back to the fairgrounds. After a short wait in the parking lot, they decided it was dark enough to allow the two agents to start back toward the Wildflower Society booth which they would use as a lookout post. "Why the Wildflower Society, anyway?" demanded Mulder. "It doesn't have the best view." "No, but Emma's the president of the group and it's the one I could get you into on short notice," retorted Tom. "None of those ladies know you, and they weren't about to let you within a mile of their pickles and preserves. Mrs. McCully has been crowing all year about how she was going to sweep the prizes this time." "That old biddy," snorted one of the other men. "Her persimmon jelly is what put all those folks in the hospital after the Sunday School social is what I heard." "Oh, hush up, Hank. Just bcause her quilt beat out your aunt Rosie's . . . . ." Mulder, who had been paying scant attention to the local gossip, suddenly interrupted, "Who's that?" "That's Darren White," answered Scully, looking across the way at the blood drive booth. "That's Clyde Winterbottom," responded Tom at the same time. "That's right. I remember the man in the cave saying something about his nephew Clyde," Scully agreed. "Mike Winterbottom's mixed up in this? I might have known," snorted Tom in disgust. "And I do remember someone saying you'd come into town with someone who looked a lot like Clyde. Nobody around here's seen him to speak of since that hurrah down at Piney Ridge Elementary School. The family shipped him out somewhere, or the police did, I never knew which. Guess he's following in the family footsteps, at any rate." "That explains why he thought he could come in here under an assumed name, I guess," Mulder put in. "He didn't think anyone would recognize him." Clyde was joined shortly by a man Tom identified as Mike Winterbottom, along with a couple of bona fide Red Cross workers. Business was brisk, and by the time the fair closed at midnight, even Scully was pleased at the volume of blood collected. As a precaution, Mulder, Scully, and Tom followed the conspirators out of town until they were picked up by the state police following Skinner's instructions. CUT TO SKINNER'S OFFICE "I want to know how we got stuck with Darren White/Clyde Winterbottom," Mulder said firmly to Skinner. "So do I, Agent Mulder. As of this morning, there's no record of the man anywhere in the agency files. The man who signed the paperwork claims never to have heard of him under either name. The academy denies all knowledge of him. According to juvenile authorities, who are notoriously tight-mouthed in these cases, Clyde Winterbottom is still attending his residential school in Iowa. The staff there confidently expect him to make it out of fifth grade any year now." "Are you saying there s no way to trace what happened here?" "Through official channels, that is correct." "And through unofficial channels?" asked Scully curiously. "Agent Scully, you of all people should know that there is no such thing as 'unofficial channels'," answered Skinner. "Now I have quite a lot of paperwork here, including allegations that two persons closely resembling the two of you were spotted trespassing in privately-owned fields in the dead of night and engaging in back-country camping without proper permits. So if you are quite finished . . . ." Taking the hint, Scully and Mulder left Skinner's office and headed back to their own. "At least it looks like he's decided to let up on the Foreman autopsy." Scully gave a sigh of relief. "True. But did you see the way he slid the letter opener into his drawer and locked it as you walked in?" Mulder asked, his eyes dancing. "Yes, but he also signed off on your physicals, so maybe the worst is behind us." Opening the door to the office, Mulder stood back to let Scully precede him and nearly ran into her as she stopped dead just inside the door. Looking over her head, he could see body bags everywhere, including, in a rather macabre touch, both the agents' desk chairs. Warily checking their corners, the two agents moved in. Scully found a note attached to the body bag in her chair and, leaving Mulder to stand guard against sudden surprises, opened it carefully. To her astonishment, the missive turned out to be on official letterhead and for once the contents left her speechless. His curiosity piqued, Mulder reached over and removed the note from her nerveless fingers. "Agent Scully. This time I had them wrapped to go. Assistant Director Walter Skinner." THE END