Title: "Pooky-Bear and His Toenails" (1/1) Author: RhymePhile E-Mail: RhymePhile@webtv.net Category: V, H, M/S UST Rating: PG Distribution: Please forward to ATXC, and archive anywhere. BUT, would you mind letting me know where? Disclaimer: Fox and Dana belong to CC, 1013, and Fox Productions Spoilers: Remember that scene in "Forrest Gump" when he's in D.C. giving his little speech about the war? And then we see his girlfriend wade out into the Reflecting Pool yelling his name, and they embrace to the cheers of the crowd? Okay? Remember that. Summary: A few misspelled words on an autopsy report cause stress and an impromptu lunch break. Please see special Author's Note following this piece for a definition of a word used within. It's cool medical stuff, children! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pooky-Bear and His Toenails" (1/1) by RhymePhile ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mulder shuffled the papers he was reading and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. The chair protested loudly, and he shifted again to try to get it to stop squeaking, but the chair was being stubborn. He decided it was probably because his feet were up on his desk, so he slid them off, knocking his nameplate across the room with a loud clatter. He leaned over, the chair still squeaking, and opened his bottom desk drawer with another squeak. The contents of the drawer were being thrashed about as Mulder rummaged through it searching for his stashed bag of sunflower seeds. Finding it, he struggled with the bag, straining against the damned freshly-sealed seal. Gripping his teeth against the plastic, he gave an immense jerk and was instantly showered in black and white seeds... ..as was his partner, sitting across from him, who put her pen down in annoyance to pick sunflower seeds from her hair. "Um, Mulder?" "Yuh?" he mumbled, the torn edge of red plastic still between his teeth. "I'm trying to finish this autopsy report here, Mulder, and you're making it increasingly difficult with all the...commotion you're causing." "Anything good?" "In the autopsy report, you mean?" "Yeah, like any forks sticking out of eyeballs or stuff like that?" "Nope. Pretty boring, I..." Mulder reached over and snatched the yellow legal pad from her hands. "Lemme see," he said. "Mulder...I told you, there's nothing good. No evidence of mutations. No weird toxscreen. No alien implants. No..." "You spelled aneurysm wrong, Scully," he said, cutting her off in mid-speech. "What?" "Aneurysm.You spelled it wrong," he said, pointing to her pad. "Hemorrhage too." "You're kidding! Give me that!" She yanked the pad from Mulder's grasp and stared at her notes. "Oh. My. God...I did." "Well, it happens," Mulder stated. "No! Not to me it doesn't. I never make spelling errors!" She glanced more closely at her pad. "Aighh! I spelled petechiae wrong too! What the hell?!!" "Maybe it's stress," Mulder commented dryly. "Stress? Hmm, let's see...I've been working with you since...March of 1992, so..." "Ha-ha," he said, enunciating each syllable. "Really, Scully, I'm serious." "You're serious? Since when?" she grinned. "Since you started spelling your favorite words wrong and began cracking jokes," he grinned back. "You need a vacation." "So do you," she answered, pulling a stray sunflower seed from her collar. Mulder considered this, and asked, "If you go somewhere good, like...anywhere...can I come with you?" "I wouldn't even know where to go to book a trip! And for some reason, you, me, and exotic locales don't mix." "We should go somewhere around here." "Like where? The bar where Pendrell was shot and killed, or the bar where Skinner was shot and almost killed?" "Jeez, Scully, when did you become as snarky as me?" "Must be stress," she joked. "Actually, Mulder, I wouldn't mind some time out of the office. I've been working too much, and this D.C. heat is making me hallucinate." "Hallucinations, Dr. Scully? What, dancing scalpels and latex gloves? Or maybe just dirty thoughts?" "Right now, it's too much work to think dirty thoughts." "I've never had that problem," he said, waggling his eyebrow at her. A well-aimed seed bounced off his head. "Hey!" "Sorry, I was aiming for your nose. How could I possibly have missed?" "No, I mean, Hey! I have an idea. And ouch, touche' with the nose thing." "Merci'," she said, bowing. "What idea?" "I know where we can go that will relax you." "This isn't going to have anything to do with some back-alley massage parlor, is it?" "Nah, that's only when you have bodies with forked eyeballs and alien implants. C'mon." He swiveled her chair around as he got up, and in the process tripped over her briefcase that was sitting on the floor next to her. Scully got up and offered her hand to Mulder, who was now flat on his back, staring up at her. "Wait a minute," he said to her outstretched hand, "I like this position." He propped himself up on his elbow. "Scully, have I ever told you that you have great legs, even when you're wearing pants?" "No, because they're really short and stumpy and not worth the effort." "But you run in heels really well," he pointed out. "Which makes them short and stumpy." "Maybe you should just wear skirts more often, and, y'know, show a little more leg." She kicked his elbow and his head flopped over. "So where are we going?" she asked, stepping over him. "We've been there before," he said, getting up, "but not like this." "Um, we get to keep our clothes on, right?" Mulder laughed at her and placed a familiar hand in the small of her back as he guided her from the office. "More or less," he teased, "more or less." * * * * * Mulder's trek took them a few blocks away to the Reflecting Pool and Their Bench. "This is it? Our Bench?" She said it with a capital O and a capital B. "Well, yeah, but we're not *sitting* on Our Bench today." Mulder leaned down and began unlacing his shoes. His dark socks were peeled off and he rolled up his pant legs. "Yow! Argyle socks? Remind me to buy you some real socks come Christmas," she said. "What are you doing?" Mulder was now sitting on the cement with his feet dangling in the cool water. "It's at least an hour or so to the beach, and the Pool is the next best thing. Besides, dark FBI suits on the beach aren't exactly conducive to an attractive tan." Watching him sitting there, Scully had to agree, and kicked off her pumps and rolled up her pant legs as well. She sat down next to him, welcoming the feel of the water over her feet on the hot D.C. day. "Has anyone ever told you you have great legs, Agent Mulder?" "Skinner does all the time," he joked. She splashed water at him with her feet, and suddenly noticed something sparkling by Mulder's toes. Scully leaned towards him and looked closer at his feet, and couldn't believe what she saw. She grabbed the cuff of his pant leg and pulled his leg closer to her. "Scully," he teased, "watch where you're puttin' them hands!" "Mulder, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?" "What?" he asked, glancing down at his wet, hairy leg. "Do I see clear nail polish on your toenails?!!" "Oh, God," he mumbled. "Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!" Scully yelled. "Scully...it's not what you think.." "Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!" she yelled again. "Oh, c'mon. I have this nail breakage problem, and the polish..." Scully wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffed. "I love it! My strong, emotional partner paints his toenails! Unbelievable! It's...it's an X-File!!" And with that she broke out into hysterics again. He splashed at her to get her to stop laughing at him. When she finally stopped, he said, "Skinner loves my toenails, too," he smirked, which caused her to giggle again uncontrollably. Now she began kicking water back at him until he stood up and waded into the Reflecting Pool to keep from getting soaked. "Hey, Scully, what does this remind you of?" He began walking throught the water, and called to her in Forrest Gump's exaggerated Southern accent. "Who am I, Scully? Jin-ay...Jin-ay...Lahf is lahk a baux of choc-o-lates..." Scully laughed at him as he walked back and forth in front of her, calling, "Jin-ay...Jin-ay." They didn't notice the D.C. cop standing behind Scully until he tapped her on the shoulder. "Um, ma'am?" Scully jumped to her feet, embarassed. "Sorry, officer, we were just..." "I'm sure two lovers can find somewhere better to fool around." The cop looked down at Mulder and then back at Scully. Before she could answer, Mulder said, "Is it that obvious?" She looked at him and gave him her best "Shut up" stare. Mulder stepped out of the Pool and put his hand around her shoulder. "Yes, officer. We *can* find somewhere better to fool around. Right, Pooky-Bear?" Mulder's smart-ass statement got him an elbow in the ribs. "Sorry, officer. We'll be moving on. Thank you," Scully said. "That's for the nail polish remark," he whispered in her ear. The cop continued his beat and the two partners sat down to put their shoes, argyle socks, and mauve pumps back on. "Feel better?" he asked, lacing his shoe. "Actually, yes I do," she answered. "Thanks, Forrest. Up for lunch?" "Hell yeah. You buying, Pooky-Bear?" "As usual. And while we're out, we should stop and get you some sandals to show off your strong toenails." "Scully..." "Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!" she laughed, and placed her hand in the small of his back as they walked to the car. "C'mon, Pooky-Bear. Cheeseburgers on me." -Exeunt- Adieu RhymePhile Re: Me! RhymePhile@webtv.net Okay, Author's Note: Scully mentions she spelled "petechiae" wrong. Petechiae are tiny hemorrhages in the form of dark red specks seen on the mucous membrane of the eyeball, which are usually caused by increased pressure in the head from strangling, choking, or hanging. Happy Autopsy Lesson, kids, and thanks to the book "Cause of Death" by Keith D. Wilson, MD for the cheery info. ******************* Hello, Samantha dear, I hope you're feelin' fine/ And it won't be long until I'm with you all the time -- "Calling Baton Rouge" Garth Brooks