From: Barbara Osen Date: Sat, 25 Sep 1999 15:58:32 +0300 Subject: story submission Source: direct Title: Price of Truth Author: babos ( br_osen@hotmail.com) Rating: PG-13 ( a bit of swearing and some Muldertorture) Spoilers: definitely for "Biogenesis", some for "SR 819", the rest is pure speculation for the season seven premiere Disclaimer Dance- I don't own 'em, CC does. The characters in this great show are the property of CC, 1013, and the wonderful and talented David Duchovny (hooboy!), Gillian Anderson and Mitch Pileggi. I do not claim to have a medical background. Please remember- this is a work of fiction! Summary: a possible scenario for the conclusion to "Biogenesis" OR "November 7th can not get here soon enough!" Special thanks to friends Rae, Carla, Pat and Kat. The "Mulderfest" was great, guys! Price of Truth "Assistant Director, I think you may want to take this call." Kim said quietly interrupting Skinner from his thoughts. "It's Georgetown Memorial Hospital." Skinner took a deep breath before lifting the receiver. He was very afraid of the news he might hear. It had to be concerning his wayward agent. "Assistant Director Skinner," he answered. "Mr. Skinner, we're calling to give you an update on Agent Mulder's condition. I am afraid that he has slipped into a coma. The prognosis is not good and we haven't been able to contact his next of kin, Agent Dana Scully." "Agent Scully is out of the country. As Agent Mulder's supervisor you can relay any information to me and I will see that the proper people are contacted." Skinner continued. He took another deep breath and asked, "Shall I contact his mother?" "Well, perhaps you could try to get in touch with Agent Scully as well. We are doing all we can for Mr. Mulder but he think it is only a matter of hours. Perhaps ..." the nurse let the rest of the sentence drop, waiting for the AD to jump in. "I will be down to the hospital within the hour," Skinner said, "Thank you for your call. I'll do my best to get in touch with Agent Scully." The Assistant Director set the phone back on the cradle, removed his glasses and rubbed his face. The scratchy stubble reminded him that he had been up all night. Oh, God, even if he knew how to reach Scully how could he give her this news on the phone. And would she even listen to him. His tired brain drifted back to her parting words to him on the psychiatric ward. "You're both liars!" With that she had turned on her heels and walked off determined to find out how to help Mulder. He hadn't seen her since then but knew she had gone to follow the trail of the artifact to the Ivory Coast. Skinner gathered his coat and left his office, t elling Kim that he would be at the hospital. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ivory Coast Scully had located a few of the men who had helped dig up the original wreckage. Many of them were terrified to go near it. They saw it as some kind of bad spirit. They could tell from the way the scientists had been so excited about it that it was something important. One man took her to the site and left her to walk the last few yards alone. Even he was frightened. The wreckage had powers and he did not think it was good. Scully lifted her skirt so that she wouldn't get wet in the surf. She was already barefoot to walk through the sand more easily. At first she didn't see anything but as she got closer to the rocks she could see the edges of an object. She knelt down to try and brush off the sand before more was washed over it. What she saw seemed to be made of the same material as the relic. It was difficult to see too much before the waves crashed in and covered it again. She did manage to see that there was also some carving in the surface. She carefully climbed onto the rock to get a different view. From atop the rock she could see that she was actually looking at a small part of a much larger shape. It appeared to be made of the same material all over and in the shape of a diamond or triangle. She needed to get a better view of the entire thing. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Georgetown Memorial Hospital AD Skinner parked his car in the hospital ramp and got out. As he was walking to the elevator he heard the shuffle of feet and warily turned around. The "Cancerman", as Mulder had labeled him, stepped from the shadows. Skinner could see the trail of smoke. "What the hell do you want?" Skinner addressed him angrily. "I'm sure you're involved in this." "I'm concerned for Agent Mulder," the smoker said as a smoke stream left his lips. Skinner wanted to lunge at the man and pound the shit out of him. A good man was dying and this scum had something to do with it. He just didn't know what. He also knew better than to burn his bridges. CGB Spender might hold the answer to help Mulder. "If you are so concerned, then help him! He's dying." Skinner spat out. He thought he detected a touch of sadness in the smoker's eyes. Just a quick flash and it was replaced by a smug look. "I am afraid it is not in my control anymore. We all answer to someone." Skinner looked the man over and momentarily flashed back to a scene in his own office. He remembered telling an angry young agent those same words. Now that agent was fighting for his life in this hospital. The AD turned away and headed for the elevator. As he leaned back into the elevator he looked back at the old man. Cancerman tossed his cigarette on the ground and smashed it out with his foot in a dramatic flair, all the while keeping eye contact with Skinner. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ivory Coast Scully took several photographs with the Polaroid camera she'd brought with her. She knew she wouldn't be able to wait to get photos developed some place and she had also been afraid that it might not be safe. Mulder- she tried to keep her mind on the mystery in front of her and off the man she had left in the psychiatric ward. It had been one of the hardest things she had ever done to leave him there and get on the plane to Abidjan. She kept replaying in her mind his desperate call from that video screen. "Scully!" He had somehow known she was there in that screening room, watching him as he wandered around from wall to wall. She couldn't forget the sight of him holding his head in pain and calling her name, barefoot and dressed in that hospital gown. She'd had to hold back the tears as she turned on Skinner and that Fowley bitch. How could they do this to him? She had never trusted Diana but she'd turned to Skinner in the past and he had proven himself to her. She thought she could trust him. Now she had no one to trust. The phrase almost brought a smile to her face. It had been the story of her life for the past seven years. Ever since that fateful, exciting, strange day when she'd walked into the basement office of Special Agent Fox Mulder- "the FBI's most unwanted." But she wanted him. He was her best friend. She loved him and she would do anything to help him, just as he had done for her. He had found a way to help her when everyone else had given up on her cancer. He had found her in an alien spacecraft at the ends of the earth. Mulder had found a way into her heart and she into his. She'd managed to break through that tough, cocky, protective shell around his heart to find the man as well as the twelve year old boy. She would not give up on him. Scully shook herself mentally and tried to focus the camera. It was difficult to get a good view and she was also having trouble keeping her balance on the rock. She took a few shots from there, climbed down and then got several shots close up of the edges of the wreckage. It would be better if she could see the entire object. She needed an aerial view. Scanning the landscape around her she couldn't find a high enough place to get a better view. She figured she would have to find someone to fly her over the site with a plane or helicopter. That would mean she would probably have to go back to Abidjan to hire someone and that meant more time. Mulder didn't have time but she also knew that the way to help him was probably lying in front over under several feet of water. She quickly packed up her gear and headed back to the guide who had brought her here. She wanted to get back to check on Mulder's condition as well. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Georgetown Memorial Hospital Skinner learned that Mulder had been moved to ICU when he'd lost consciousness in the ward. At this time the AD could only look in on him from the window. Mulder appeared to be asleep. He didn't have the usual equipment that he was hooked up to most other times that he had been in ICU recovering from injuries. There was only a heart monitor, a catheter and the EKG connected to his body. The heart monitor could be seen from the window. As Skinner observed his agent's face he thought about how young Mulder looked. The usual lines of concern and fatigue were gone. At least for a few minutes. As Skinner observed, Mulder's eyes scrunched up and his brow furrowed as if he was in pain. He could see Mulder's hands and fingers form fists. The heart monitor began to register the faster beats of his heart and then become erratic. Then, almost as quickly, everything returned to normal. The lines on his face relaxed and his long fingers opened out to lie on the sheet. Skinner felt someone come up beside him and turned quickly, half expecting to see Cancerman standing next to him. Instead he found Dr. Nami. She touched his arm and nodded at the man in the bed. "He's been like this for several hours. He appears to be feeling intense pain. We've been monitoring his brain wave patterns and they go from deep REM sleep to semi-consciousness. He does not respond to anything we've tried. Nor does he respond to verbal stimuli. We are at a loss for what to do next." "May I see him? I mean, can I go in and try to talk to him?" Skinner asked. "I don't think it will hurt anything. We'll continue to monitor him. Perhaps a familiar voice will get through to him." Dr. Nami opened the door for the AD and they both entered the room. Just as they got near the bed, Mulder had another wave of pain. His eyes clamped together more tightly and his hands became fists. This time there was a barely audible groan from the man in the bed. The heart and EKG monitors became more active. The doctor and Skinner looked on helplessly. When the seizure seemed to have passed Skinner got closer to the bed and quietly said Mulder's name. There was no reaction. "I'm sorry. I have rounds to make. I will leave you with him and you can have me paged if you need me." With that Dr. Nami left the room. Skinner pulled up a chair and sat down. He again said Mulder's name. He reached to take Mulder's hand. Skinner wasn't a very physical man but, somehow, seeing his agent in such condition made him demonstrative. He thought about Mulder lying in that bed- alone. His best, and perhaps only, friend was thousands of miles away trying to find a way to help him. And he also thought that perhaps he could have done more to prevent this. He wasn't sure how these things all fit together. He'd seen the way Mulder had tried to control the pain when he and Scully had been discussing the case in Skinner's office. That artifact set off something in Mulder's brain. The affect it was having on him was recorded for all time on that damn video tape that he surreptitiously had made during the meeting. And now that tape was most likely in the hands of the Cancerman and his group. What the hell was going on? How did everything get so complicated? When had he lost his moral center and how could he get it back? Another wave of pain hit and Skinner was surprised at the grip on his hand. He looked from his hand to Mulder's face and again saw the pain. Skinner decided to squeeze back on the hand he held. Perhaps it would let Mulder know that he wasn't alone. "It's OK, Mulder. You are going to get through this. Scully will kill me if you don't wake up and give me shit." "Sc... scully." The voice was weak and scratchy. Skinner barely caught it. "Mulder? It's AD Skinner. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Skinner wasn't sure if Mulder was regaining consciousness or just rambling in his dreams. When the squeeze came he also wasn't sure if it was another wave of pain or a response to his voice. He looked at Mulder's face to see if the pain lines were back but was surprised to see long dark lashes fluttering. "Mulder? Slowly Mulder managed to get his eyes open halfway. "Scully?" "No, it's Skinner. Scully is not here right now." He wasn't sure if he should try to tell a semi-conscious Mulder about the fact that Scully was half way around the world. "Sir?" Mulder said with a haggard voice. "What ... I ...I need to see Scully." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ivory Coast Scully wiped the perspiration from her brow as they drove back on the dusty roads to Abidjan. She felt so helpless. She'd called the Lone Gunmen and asked them to check on Mulder and give her a report. They'd wanted her to fax them copies of the photos she had taken from the ground and from the helicopter she'd chartered but she was afraid they would be intercepted somehow. They assured her that it was needed and worth the risk. Now she was about 20 miles from her hotel and anxious to fax the photos, get cleaned up and packed, and get back to Mulder. Byers had told her he'd seen Mulder after he'd been put in ICU. Well, seen in the most literal sense since Mulder was now in a coma. It didn't look good. The doctors were at a loss as to how to treat him. Scully could hardly keep back the tears during their conversation. She didn't even want to take the time to shower but she had several hours before she needed to be at the airport for her flight out. She gave the photos to the hotel clerk and watched as they were faxed to the LGM. She didn't know what else she could do from here. She laid out the photos on her bed and then went to run her bath. Sometimes she did her best thinking in the tub. She eased back into the warm water. It was great that she had been able to find such a nice hotel in this city on short notice. Between the hotel, the airfare and the helicopter charter her credit cards were maxed out. But there had been no doubt that this was what she had to do. The doubts were as to what her next steps would be. She leaned her head back and thought about all that had happened over the last few days. Her entire belief system had been shaken to the core. Her religious beliefs, her science, her history had all been changed by that wreckage under the ocean. Aliens! We are all descended from aliens! She almost chuckled as she visualized Mulder's expression when she'd told him that "we all contain the same DNA as was found in Gibson Praise." He hadn't been shocked. He'd looked at her as if she was reporting the weather. Before she even realized it she felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Mulder. He was in a coma. She remembered the pain he'd been going through. How she had, at first, almost disregarded it. Don't go there, Dana. You have to find a way to help him not flog yourself about the past. Think. How are all these things related? Aliens. Alien virus. Antarctica. Tunguska. Black oil. The Tunguska rock. The people infected with the black oil " worms". Mulder had told her how he'd been strapped down in the gulag in Tunguska and had the "black oil" poured onto his face. She shivered when she pictured him lying under chicken wire, unable to move as the "worms" crawled into his body. But he hadn't died. He didn't seem to have suffered any other affects. He told her how, before they'd strapped him down, they'd injected him with something. It looked like an amber colored fluid but in the dark of the cell and his struggling with his captors he really hadn't gotten a good look. Amber liquid. The injection he had given her in Antarctica had been amber also. He'd told her how he'd frantically filled the syringe and shot it into her half frozen shoulder. She prayed that the answer was there. But they had both been given that injection. She had suffered no ill effects while in contact with the artifact but she'd never been infected with the "black oil" either. She decided that when she was back in a sterile environment she would do a blood analysis of both her blood and Mulder's. The answer had to be there. It seemed to be the only connection. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Georgetown Memorial Hospital Mulder had drifted back to sleep. At least it appeared to be sleep. He still woke briefly to fight the waves of pain. It was more like being semi-conscious between bouts of extreme pain. The doctors had no treatments. Just try to keep him comfortable and ... Frohike looked at Skinner warily as he approached the room. Scully had told them that he was in on whatever was going on with the artifact. She knew it but she couldn't quite connect all the dots yet. She didn't trust him anymore. Frohike decided to just check with the nurses on Mulder's condition but they would not give him any information since he wasn't on Mulder's contact list. OK, he thought, we can just hack into the hospital records but I thought I'd try it the polite way first. He decided he did not want to run into Skinner so he left the hospital. He'd been able to get a look at Mulder through the window, though. The man on the bed was not resting comfortably. Every few minutes he would clench up in pain and the monitors would go nuts. He was covered in a sheen of sweat. Skinner stood and stretched his back. He didn't know what he could do here. He felt like a hypocrite. Even if Mulder needed the comfort of a familiar voice, his was not the voice Mulder wanted. Occasionally, Mulder would call out for Scully during hissessions of pain. Skinner thought those sessions were increasing in frequency and duration. Mulder was covered in sweat and his face had not smoothed out between bouts of pain. He was delirious and suffering. Skinner didn't know how much longer he could continue to watch it or how much longer Mulder could hold out. "Hang in there, Mulder. Scully is on her way. She'll be here soon." I hope. Just as Skinner was getting up to leave he heard Mulder's weak voice again. This time it was addressing him. "Sir. Sir, please." "What can I do, Mulder? What can I get for you?" "Let me go." Mulder said in a voice which was barely audible. Skinner had to lean in to hear it. What he heard shocked him. "Let me die. Let me die ... so that they will ... know the truth." "Mulder, damn it, you aren't going to die." Skinner said with more confidence than he felt. "You have to fight this. Scully will be here soon." "Nuh...no... let me go. I must die... so they will know." "Know what, Mulder?" "The virus, the invasion... the answers..." Mulder panted, "Scully knows. She can... expose it." Skinner looked at Mulder in stunned silence. Mulder grabbed for Skinner's hand. "Please, it's only way. Let me die. Scully... do autopsy. Find answers. Please." "No, Mulder. You have to hang on until Scully gets back. She can help you live. You must live. For yourself... for Scully." Mulder gripped Skinner's hand again as a wave of pain shook him. He grimaced and clamped his eyes shut. "Hurts... hurts too much... tell Scully... love her..." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean Scully looked out the window of the 767 and sighed. It was so hard to sit back and let things happen when you had no control of time and space. She looked at her watch for the second time in as many minutes. Still 4 more hours to DC. Then a 40 minute cab ride to the hospital. There was not much more she could do until then. She'd decided to do a blood analysis of hers and Mulder's blood and then run the results against Gibson Praise's records and several control subjects. She figured she could get some control blood from the Gunmen. At least from Byers and Frohike. She wasn't sure what they would find in Langly's blood! She prayed that the answer would be there. She didn't know where else to look. It was the only correlation -the common denominator. Both she and Mulder had been given the cure to the virus. She wasn't sure if the fact that Mulder had been exposed tothe retrovirus several years ago would be a factor but she had to consider that a strong variable, too. She also decided that she would have to work covertly. She didn't trust Skinner and Diana and she also didn't know who on the hospital staff was involved. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Washington DC She got a cab to her apartment, dropped off her bag, splashed water on her face and grabbed her medical kit. She decided to contact Dr. Plant. He had been really good to work with when AD Skinner had almost died from the nanotechnology infection during the investigation of SR 819. He was extremely interested in these kinds of cases and she needed to trust someone who had access to the kind of equipment she required. She couldn't do it at the Bureau. She didn't know how far this went or who was involved. She was sure that Diana would get the information if she tried to work at the FBI lab. When Scully finally made it to the hospital it was late in the afternoon. She was exhausted. Between the jet lag from New Mexico and then Africa and back she had just about run out of reserves. She hadn't been able to get her mind off Mulder for more than a few minutes of sleep on the flights. The last person (well, maybe second last person) she wanted to see coming from Mulder's room was AD Skinner. Skinner left Mulder when he again had given in to the pain and lost consciousness. He shook his head, pondering what Mulder had been telling him to do. When he looked up he saw Dana Scully walking determinedly toward Mulder's room. She glared at him and attempted to brush past through the door. "Scully, wait. We need to talk." Skinner said as he took her arm. She tried to shake him off and when that didn't work she gave him a hard look. "What were you doing in there? Confessions to a dying man? A man you put there. A man who saved your ass on more than one occasion," She spat at him. He sadly shook his head and gazed at the floor. She hated him and he deserved it. He had betrayed them. They had been his friends and he had sold his soul to the devil. Now one of them was dying, begging to die, and the other would not survive without the first. "He's bad, delirious. He told me... he told me to let him die. He said it was 'the only way to find the truth.'" Skinner relayed. "The truth! What would you know about the truth?!" Scully pulled out of Skinner's grip and moved into the room. If she hadn't been so angry about the conversation in the hall she would have collapsed at the sight on the bed. Mulder was pale and thin and bathed in sweat. He had pain etched on his face and she wasn't sure if he was conscious. She took the chair Skinner had vacated and gently took Mulder's hand. She lightly stroked it and spoke soothingly. "OK, Mulder, I'm here. You can wake up now. I have something to show you. Please wake up." There was a squeeze to her hand and the monitors reacted. He wasn't awake but he had responded, either to pain or to her presence. She prayed it was the latter. Scully stroked a finger down the side of his face. She brushed wayward bangs off his forehead. She just wanted to touch him. To let him know she was there. "Mulder. Come on, partner. Open those beautiful eyes for me." First a groan then a throaty sound. His voice was gritty and hoarse but it sounded heavenly to her. "Sc... Scully?" "I'm here. Come on, Mulder, you can do it." Scully took the damp washcloth and wiped his face and eyes to encourage him to keep waking. He opened one eye then the other. She could tell he was in pain. His eyes could tell her everything. Even things she didn't want to know. She saw defeat in his eyes. He was giving up. It was a look that she rarely saw on this stubborn, brilliant man. She hated it. "OK, sleepyhead. How are you doing?" as if she couldn't tell by looking in his face. "Hurts, Scully, ... head hurts." "I know, partner, but we are going to fix that. You just rest now. I just wanted you to know that I'm here." She gave his hand another squeeze and wiped his face again. He closed his eyes at the feel of the cloth but opened them again as she pulled it away. "Scully. You have to help me. I need to die." She was stunned. He couldn't mean that. He was just in so much pain that ... "Mulder, I know you're hurting now but we are going to help you. Just rest and let us doctors do our jobs." "No, Scully, the only way... have to die... to know the truth." He looked at her pleadingly. What could he mean by that? "Let me die... you do ... autopsy..." his grip tightened again as he was wracked by pain. He tosssed his head back against the pillow and tried to control his breathing. "Easy, Mulder. Slow breaths. Take it easy." She was standing now with his hand still in hers. Oh, God, could he really mean that? He felt he needed to die in order for her to find the answer to this mystery. And he wanted her to do his autopsy! The thought of cutting into his dead body almost made her vomit. How could he expect her to do that? How could she let him die? She couldn't... she wouldn't. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Scully contacted Dr. Plant and explained the situation. He was anxious to help even after she explained that it might be dangerous. For a mousy looking man he had a lot of courage. She was impressed and glad to have him in her court. They took blood samples from Mulder under the watchful eyes of his doctor. Dr. Nami wasn't too sure of what they were trying to do but she was out of other ideas and decided it wouldn't hurt anything. She,too, was eager to find a cure for her patient. The more professionals on the case the better. Scully was slumped over a microscope when Dr. Plant came back with the reports of Mulder's samples. They had been examining blood from before his recent illness and comparing it to blood that he had given several years ago and had been stored for him. For Mulder, being Mulder, it never hurt to have some blood on hand for some of his major injuries. The blood had actually been stored at Georgetown Memorial Hospital. When comparing these samples with the blood taken today they noticed a difference. They found small organisms that could not be identified. She took the slide and put it under Dr. Plant's high powered electron microscope. There appeared to be small cells that were dormant in the earlier samples while these cells were active in the new samples. Scully took a small portion of the freshly drawn blood and put it in a test tube. Placing it in the centrifuge she planned to separate the red cells, the white cells and, hopefully, the organisms. After several minutes on the centrifuge she looked at the new sample again. She was able to extract the organisms from the blood cells. Placing it on a slide she examined it again. They now appeared to be dead. She did the test again to see if the results were the same. Again she separated the blood from the organisms and they died. Scully sat back on her stool and rubbed the back of her neck. She thought over these results. If the blood had to be the host for the organisms perhaps they could be removed by transfusion. But to drain a person of blood and then entirely replace it after filtering would be extremely risky. And this was Mulder, after all. It was not the best solution but it did give her hope. She remembered the case of the Tunguska rock. She had seen the geologist at NASA-Goddard. He had been in a trance-like state after splitting open the rock. Then there were the elderly people in Florida. When she and Mulder found them murdered they saw the black oil leaving their eyes and noses. The oil needed a living host. It could only survive for a few minutes if it wasn't in the rock or in the blood system. It appeared that their options were few. Mulder was running out of time. His attacks of pain were becoming so severe and prolonged that he was being kept sedated. He had hardly been able to communicate with her since they had drawn his blood. She thought back to that time, only hours earlier but feeling like weeks. He'd tried to joke about vampires but she could see it was a strain for him to even stay awake. He had squeezed her hand when she finished inserting the needle. The look he gave her was a mixture of acceptance, understanding, trust and love. But Scully was not going to give him up so easily. She had looked back at him with her own expression of love but tried to also convey to him her determination. If he could just hold on she would find a way. She discussed her findings with Dr. Plant and Dr. Nami. They agreed with her conclusions but all were unsure about the next step. They could try the full body transfusion but it was extremely risky for his organs. The heart, kidneys and other organs could shut down one by one and never be completely functional again. Add to that the loss of blood to the brain. The brain- Mulder's incredible, intuitive, eidetic mind. His tool. The risk of brain damage was so great. He might be alive but what would he be? The other choice was just as risky. They could "kill" Mulder. They could shut him down until the organisms decided it was time to leave their host. Then they would revive Mulder. Again, timing was of the essence. If they were too slow to get him back they would risk organ shut down and/or brain damage. The doctors decided the person to make the decision was their patient. They cut back on the sedation and waited for Mulder to regain consciousness. After several hours of holding Mulder's hand and stroking his pain-filled face he started to come around. He was still in a great deal of discomfort but he was able to focus on Scully's voice then on her face. She gave him her best "Mulder-recovers-again" smile and prayed that she could use it after this treatment. He gave her a small smile and tried to shift his body up on the pillows. It brought more pain. Scully raised the bed a little so that he could see better. "Mulder, we've done some tests and think we have a way to help you." Before he could argue she went on. She would not let him talk about letting him die. "We have two possibilities. It appears that the black oil is still in you. Since we have no antidote and time is crucial we have two options. Both are extremely risky but..." He could fill in the blanks. There really were no choices here. He was going to die without treatment or he could risk dying with it. To her there was no choice. To him there were three. Mulder looked her in the eye and stated simply and with as much energy as he could muster, "Scully, don't you see? If I die you may be able to find the answer. You may be able to save others." He slumped back down on the pillows. Those few words had exhausted him. "No, Mulder! You have to see. I will not let you die. You don't have to die. We have to find the answers together. We may be able to find them this way, through you, but not by your death. There is another way." Mulder gave her the look that he used when he was listening to her theories but already had his mind made up. The patient look of a mentor. It was infused with compassion and affection. "Okay, Scully. Tell me." "We have two options, as I said. Both of them are risky." She was trying to maintain her doctor mode but as soon as she looked in his eyes she felt herself losing it. "Scully, it's okay." He could read her emotions on her face. He usually could. "Option number one is to transfuse all of your blood and filter it to remove the organisms. We have found that by removing the host- the blood- the organisms die. Of course, there are risks involved when blood flow may be cut off to organs- the heart, the brain..." "Sounds like I may need to see the Wizard after that one," Mulder joked in his typical use of humor in scary situations. Scully did not think it was humorous. She needed him to be serious and weigh the consequences. He needed to have all the facts before they went ahead with anything. "Mulder." She wasn't angry. It only made her sad. She didn't know how she would manage if she lost him. Suddenly he was gripped with a terrible wracking pain that contorted his face. He grabbed the sheets but she managed to get her hand in his before his fingers closed. She thought her bones were breaking as she helped him through the worst of it. When he relaxed a bit she wiped the sweat off his face and tried to get him to focus again. They were running out of time. He wouldn't be able to take too many more of these attacks. She flexed her hand when she thought he wasn't looking. It was red and she was sure it would be bruised tomorrow but she had been there for him this time and that made it worth her pain. He caught her examining her hand and took on an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Scully. Are you okay?" "You have a good grip, Mulder. I'm fine." She reassured him. The last thing he needed was guilt. "Option number two?" he asked. "We could euthanize you. We would, in essence, kill you until the organisms left your body then we would revive you. The risks would be the same as before - organ shut down..." "And another trip to the Wizard." he teased, though there was fear in his voice. "Mulder, I want you to think this over very carefully. You need to understand the risks involved. Do you have some questions for us?" She had been focused so much on Mulder she had almost forgotten that the other doctors were still in the room. "No. I understand." he responded. "Would you like some time to think about it alone?" Scully asked. "Well, yeah, I guess so." They started to leave the room but Mulder reached out for Scully's hand. "Not you. Please stay, Scully." Dr. Nami and Dr. Plant quietly left the room. When Scully turned back to Mulder she had tears in her eyes. She'd managed to stay detached when the other doctors were in the room but now it was just the two of them. And everything just hit her when he took her hand. She was probably going to lose him. No matter what they did there were no guarantees. "Mulder, I... I..." she let the tears flow. "I know, Scully. Me too." He was going to finally tell her. It might be his last chance and he just couldn't get the words strung together. She beat him to it. "Mulder, you mean everything to me. I can't bear to lose you. Even though we argue and bicker and shut each other out you are the most important person in the world to me. I love you. I always will." She went to kiss him gently on the lips- a kiss they had been putting off since that night in the hallway of his building. Mulder pulled her to him and completed the kiss. It was sweet and soft and loving. Not passionate, not burning. It was earnest and honest. It was the most important kiss of their lives. As Scully pulled back she saw the moisture in Mulder's eyes. Then he said the words. "I love you, too, Scully. I don't know how I would have made it through without you. You are my life. And I want my life. I want my life with you in it." "So, Mulder, are you saying...?" "I choose door number two, Monty," he said with a smirk. The spirit in his eyes was back. He was now determined to try anything to continue with Scully at his side. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The three doctors discussed the procedure over stale coffee. They would have to give Mulder a lethal injection and then, as soon as the creatures left his body, they would revive him. Timing was critical. They would also have no way of knowing if all the black oil was out of his body. It was a chance they would have to take. They assembled a team of technicians to cover all aspects of the procedure. Every bodily function would be monitored carefully. The team would all be in Level 5 decon. units. They could not take a chance of exposure to the worms. They would also haveto find a way to contain the worms in a sterile, safe environment for further study. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx When the arrangements were all made, Mulder was taken to the OR. Scully walked through the hall with his hand in hers. They didn't talk. At least not in words. They used their unspoken form of communication to say all that needed to be said. Mulder's eyes showed Scully his confidence in her abilities. She was not actually going to be performing any of the procedure. She would be monitoring and checking his vitals. Once the monitors were attached, the team donned the decon suits. Scully stood near Mulder's right side so that she could watch his face. She was more frightened than he appeared to be. So many things could go wrong but she tried to remain calm and confident for his sake. She held his hand in her latex glove. <"I know how you like snapping on the latex."> Snippets of conversations, both pleasant and unpleasant, flashed through her mind as she observed him. When it appeared that all was ready, they gave Mulder one more chance to change his mind. He had not had any sedation for the past several hours and had been having increasing attacks of pain. Something had to be done, and soon. They asked him if he was sure he wanted to go through with this. Mulder looked at Scully with a soft smile and squeezed her hand. He mouthed the words she needed to hear. She said them back to him with a fractured voice. "I love you, too, Mulder." He looked at Dr. Nami and gave her the "thumbs up" from where his left hand lay on the gurney. Dr. Nami nodded to the nurse who handed her the lethal injection. They inserted it in his left arm and waited. For several minutes they watched as Mulder's eyes closed then his respiration slowed and his heart grew weaker. Scully couldn't watch but she couldn't take her eyes off him at the same time. She had tears in her own eyes as she watched him weaken. She was jolted to awareness as the heart monitor flatlined. She was still holding his hand as it became limp. Everyone was prepared to bring him back to life as soon as the creatures left his body. The cardiac paddles were standing by as was the respirator. Nothing was happening. Maybe this wouldn't work. If the creatures didn't leave him would they revive him? He had told them that if the creatures did not leave him, he did not want to be revived. He was in too much pain and they did not have any way to help him. He was convinced that his death would help them find the answers to this. And could provide the answers to prevent it in others. Nothing was happening! The longer he was "dead" the more damage was being done to his body. They would have to make a decision soon. Suddenly they watched in shock as the black worms began slipping out from his eyes and nose. It was horrible. They seemed to join together and create a pool after they left him. A male tech had a sterile metal canister ready and they slid inside. Scully glanced at the timer. Hurry! They had to revive him- now. It was several minutes since his heart had stopped. "Now!" Dr. Nami shouted as she grabbed the cardiac paddles. "Clear!" The paddles were brought to Mulder's bare chest. His body jumped but the line stayed flat. Scully silently said another prayer. "Again! Clear!" The paddles caused Mulder to jump again on the gurney. Still nothing. "One more time." As Mulder was shocked once more the heart monitor registered a faint heartbeat. Another nurse began applying the oxygen bag and forced air into his lungs at CPR rate. Scully let out her breath when Mulder began to breathe on his own. He was far from out of trouble but at least he was breathing again and his heart rate was strong and regular. The team wheeled his gurney into the recovery room and Scully took a seat near him. She held his hand again and spoke to him in hushed tones. It was too soon to tell if he had suffered any serious problem from his "death" but they were optimistic. Aside from the recent problems, he was strong and healthy. Dr. Nami expected Mulder to be unconscious for a few more hours so she encouraged Scully to get some rest. They brought in some bed linens for the gurney near Mulder's and she curled up on it and watched him breathe. She soon felt the need to be closer so she pushed her gurney adjacent to his so that she could hold his hand as she slept. In the hall, a man looked in on the recovery room and had the audacity to light a cigarette as he watched a man and a woman sleeping in neighboring gurneys. The woman was holding the man's hand. He frowned and walked out of the area before he would be seen. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A soft groaning startled Scully from her sleep and she woke to find herself on a hospital gurney. She couldn't recall how she'd gotten there but before she could dwell on it the noise was repeated. Scully sat up and rubbed her eyes. She watched as Mulder blinked and tried to clear his throat. Scully hopped off the gurney and went to his side. "Easy, partner. Try to stay quiet. The doctor will be here soon and then you can be moved to a room. You've had a busy day!" Mulder tried to focus on Scully's voice but everything was so dark. Why did they have the lights off? "Scully? ... that you?" "Of course it's me, silly." Scully took his hand again and tried to get him to focus on her. Then she became concerned. He didn't seem to be able to focus his eyes. There was no reaction to light or darkness. She waved her hand near his eyes but they remained fixed and dilated. "Scully, turn on the light. I can't see you." Scully had already hit the button to call the nurses station. She didn't want Mulder to panic so she spoke to him in soothing tones. "OK, Mulder, just relax. It will be fine. Dr. Nami will be in soon." "Scully, why can't... oh God, am I blind?" He was getting scared. He reached out for her. She grabbed his hand and held him gently on the bed. At that moment, Dr. Nami entered the Recovery Room. "He's awake but is having trouble with his vision." Scully said to her. She didn't say, "He can't see." Dr. Nami pulled out her penlight. "OK, Mulder, welcome back. Let's see what we have here." She shined the light into his right eye. The pupil remained dilated - no reaction. When she shined the light into his left eye there was a slight constriction of the pupil. "Dr. Nami, what's wrong? Am I blind? Please tell me this is temporary." Dr. Nami and Scully exchanged looks. They didn't know what to tell Mulder. They didn't know if it was permanent nor did they know what had caused it. "Mulder, let's get you into a room and then we can run some tests. In the meantime I want to put a wrap around your eyes for protection." She placed a soft gauze patch over each eye and wrapped a strip of gauze around his head to hold them in place. He managed to remain calm, at least on the outside. Inside he was screaming. As they followed the gurney down the hall Scully and Dr. Nami stayed back a bit to quietly discuss the situation and what could have caused it. It could have been a result of the black oil from his eyes. It may have resulted from a lack of oxygen to thebrain during the short time he had been "dead". xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mulder was remarkably calm as he was settled into the room. He hadn't even called for Scully. She was worried about his emotional state as much as his physical one. Once he was settled and the orderlies had left the room, he asked who was still there. Scully spoke first. "Mulder, Dr. Nami and I are going to look over the charts from the procedure and see if we can draw some conclusions as to what is causing this vision problem." She did not call it blindness. She wouldn't let herself think that it could be permanent. Not after all that he had been through. "OK." he responded with little emotion. "Could I have some water first?" "Oh, of course, I'm sorry. I know how sore your throat gets after having a respirator in. Here, take it slow." She held the cup to his mouth and poured a little down his throat. She didn't let him have too much. When that had settled she gave him abit more. "I'll set the cup on the table to your right if you want some more. OK?" Mulder nodded toward her voice and lay his head back against the pillow. Scully gave his hand a squeeze and planted a small kiss on the forehead. He flinched since he hadn't seen her coming. She looked at him with concern and tenderness. Of course, he didn't see it or the look of guilt that was also on her face. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx As Dr. Nami and Scully looked over the charts and readings from the procedure they came to only two conclusions. The blindness could be a result of the lack of oxygen to his brain or it could be a residual effect of the "black oil worms" leaving his eye s. If the latter was the cause they had no idea how to treat it. All the other patients that they knew of who had been affected by the black oil had died. Their best hope was that his eyes would improve over time. It was only a hope and there was really nothing that they could do. All they could do was wait and hope that his eyes would heal on their own. When Scully returned to his room, Mulder appeared to be asleep. His monitors were steady and slow. What she couldn't see was that Mulder was anything but asleep. He was tossing in his mind. Scully settled into the chair near Mulder's bed and looked at him. She wanted to hold him and comfort him. She wanted to trade places with him. She felt so helpless. She was a doctor and there was nothing in her power that she could do to help him. Except to love him. And that she did and would... forever. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at the man on the bed. She saw a beautiful, passionate, loving, brilliant man. She also saw what looked like a tear slip from under the gauze. Was he crying in his sleep? Or perhaps, he wasn't really asleep. "Mulder?" Scully spoke quietly as she took his hand. "Please talk to me. I miss you. I want you to know I am here. Please, Mulder. Let me help you." "It's okay, Scully. I'm okay. I will be okay. You don't have to stay." "Mulder, what... what are you saying? I love you. I'm not going anywhere." "I'm tired, Scully. I'm going to sleep. Why don't you go home and get some rest, too?" She didn't know what to say. He was shutting her out. She could only hope it was a short-lived reaction to the shock of the past hours. She stayed until she felt he was really asleep. Then she herself went home and cried herself to sleep. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Dr. Nami and a nurse entered his room to find Mulder reaching for the water cup. He knocked it off the table and it spilled on his bed. "Shit! Dammit!" he shouted. "And good morning to you, too, Agent Mulder." Dr. Nami said as she picked up the cup from the bed and filled it for him. She took his hand and wrapped it around the glass. After he had a drink he waited for her to speak. "I want to remove the bandages and check your eyes, Mulder. Try to sit very still. I am going to cut this wrap off from near your left ear." After she had the gauze off, the door opened and Scully came in. She hadn't known the doctor was with him and Mulder didn't hear her enter his room. Dr. Nami acknowledged her with a nod. Scully decided she would stay quiet and not let Mulder know she was in the room. Dr. Nami continued her removal of the bandages. Before she removed the patches she instructed Mulder to keep his eyes closed until she told him to open them. A nurse wiped his eyelashes with a soft lubricated tissue. Dr. Nami wanted to remove one patch and do a check before she removed the other patch. She took the patch off the left eye first. Dr. Nami took out her penlight and then told Mulder to slowly open his left eye. His long lashes fluttered and he opened it slowly. He could see some shadows and the blurry edges of shapes. He could tell where people were standing. Dr. Nami shined the penlight into his left eye. The pupil reacted by constricting and then dilating when she pulled it away. "That looks promising, Mulder. Almost normal dilation of the pupils. Let's check the right one. Open it very slowly." Mulder opened his right eye but everything was still dark. There was no reaction when the penlight was shined into it. "Can you see anything at all here, Mulder? Light and shadow, anything?" Dr. Nami asked. "No, I could pick out shadows and shapes with the other eye but nothing in this one," he responded. "OK, we're going to wrap them up again. Don't want to put too much strain on them. I'll be back in a little while to check again. You rest." She said as she put her penlight into her pocket. "Oh, you have company." "Hey, Mulder." Scully said softly as she approached his bed. "I brought you an apple-cinnamon bagel from Moe's. Sorry, Dr. Nami says no caffeine yet but I got a you an o.j." "Thanks, Scully. I'm not really hungry." Scully sat down in the chair and took out the bagel. She unwrapped it and placed it on the table over the bed. "OK, it's in front of you if you change your mind." "Mulder..." "Scully.." they both started talking at the same time followed by an uncomfortable silence. "Mulder, I know ... I mean, the doctors are doing everything they can. And Dr. Nami is very encouraged by the reactions in your left eye. It's a very good sign. And..." "Ya know, Scully, I love dogs. Maybe now I can get one. I never really had time for one before. A golden retriever or maybe a black lab. They are the best seeing-eye dogs, I hear." "Dammit, Mulder." Her response was so loud that he actually flinched. She felt mildly bad about it but she was pissed. "You are ... how can a man who has spent 26 years of his life looking for his sister, never giving up hope, give up on himself so easily?" "Scully, I am just trying to face reality. You should be proud of me. You know reality is not one of my strong suits." "There is no proof that this is not a temporary situation. Your left eye is already showing improvement. You have to give it time," she responded. "I know, Scully. I'm sorry. It's just that... well, I ... I guess I'm scared." She could barely hear the words. He sounded like a scared twelve year old. "Oh, Mulder. I know you are. And I am scared for you. But no matter what happens, I'm here." She got up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "No, Scully. If this is a permanent thing then our relationship will change. I am not going to tie you down. You don't need a Spooky albatross hanging around your neck. I've already held you back in the Bureau as it is." "I love you, Mulder. Whether you can see or not I will still love you. But let's not even think that you won't be able to see. We can't give up hope. Even if your vision isn't 20/20 I already love you." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Besides, do you know how sexy you are in those glasses? I would love for you to wear them more," she teased. "Hmmm, really? Why didn't you tell me that before? If I had known that was what I needed to seduce you I would have worn them all the time." He would have winked at her if his eyes hadn't been covered. Instead he just gave her his wicked grin. "Hey, Scully, could you help me with this bagel?" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The opthamologist and Dr. Nami had removed the bandages. The reactions of his left eye were even better this time. Scully hung back in the room and observed. She was saying silent prayers for him as they did the exam. She was committed to Mulder no matter what happened but she knew him well enough to understand that without his job, his quest, even she could not fill that void. "OK, Mulder, track my finger." The opthamologist, Dr. Hoffman, was encouraged by his reactions. "That's good." Mulder was nervous about the removal of the bandages from his right eye. It had shown no reaction to light during the last exam. He slowly opened his right eye when the gauze was removed. Blackness-no wait- things started to lighten up. He could seethe shadows caused when the penlight shined into his eye. "I can see it! Well, I can see shadows and light and dark," he said anxiously. Scully unconsciously moved in closer. "Scully, is that you? I think I can see your shape." He chuckled at the sound of that statement. She smiled at his voice. "Agent Mulder, please relax so I can finish the exam. Please track my finger with your right eye." He did so, following the shadows of the finger. His reactions to the penlight were not as quick as in the left eye but everyone was optimistic. They wanted him to still rest his eyes so they put a sleeping mask over them in place of the gauze. "OK, now just put on a movie and give me a tray of bad airplane food and I can fall asleep," he suggested. Dr. Hoffman made some notes on Mulder's chart then stated,"It will take some time and some corrective lenses but we have every reason to be confident, Mr. Mulder. I think that your eyesight will return. It may not be as good as before this incident but should be correctable with glasses or contact lenses." "Nah, not contacts. I'll take the glasses," he said with a grin in what he thought was Scully's "shape's" direction. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mulder was sitting on the edge of the bed getting very antsy. Scully was finishing up the release forms at the nurses station. He was more than ready to leave this place after almost three weeks. He had continued to make progress and his vision was getting better everyday. He was going to stay with Scully for a couple of weeks. At least until he could drive to his eye exams or they had driven each other crazy, whichever came first. She'd gotten a temporary assignment to Quantico to study the "black oil" that was taken from Mulder's body. It was the very least Skinner could do. She still wasn't sure about his role in this but she would get to the bottom of it. Mulder would be working on it from her place. He still had a month of sick leave but he couldn't wait to work. Mulder looked at his reflection in the chrome cabinet near the bed. He was wearing thick, black framed glasses at the moment. They were not very stylish. Mulder called them his "Clark Kent glasses". She had just given him her patient smile and sighed. He loved her when she did that. Hell, he loved her when she did anything! He just plain loved her. She entered the room with an orderly pushing a wheelchair and Dr. Nami. Dr. Nami handed him a pair of dark glasses and gave him a hug. "You take care of yourself, Mulder. I expect you to attend all of your eye appointments and do everything that Dr. Scully tells you to do." Mulder removed his "Clark Kents" and hugged her back. "Oh, I will. I never argue with Dr. Scully," he lied. "Thank you for everything." "OK, Mulder, in the chair," Scully demanded after she had finished rolling her eyes at his comment. "Scully, I am perfectly capable of walking out of here on my own two legs," Mulder whined. "Mulder, what did you just tell me?" asked Dr. Nami. "OOPS, busted already," he said sheepishly as he sat down in the wheelchair. He switched his Clark Kents for the dark glasses because the fluorescent lights in the hall were hard on his eyes. Scully grinned at the top of his head and ruffled his soft hair. She was so glad he was back, bad jokes and all. Scully pushed the wheelchair down the hall and out to her car. As she was helping him into the car, he grabbed her arm gently. "Thanks, Scully. Thanks for everything." He removed the dark glasses so that he could see her eyes and she could see his. It was still there. The unspoken communication. Their eyes said it all. Mulder leaned his head back against the head rest as Scully drove to her apartment. She thought he was asleep under his dark glasses. "Hey, Scully. I've been thinking." She looked over at him expectantly. "Good for you, Mulder. Any luck?" she teased. He glanced her way and said, "I would still kinda like to get a golden retriever." The End Thanks for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts at br_osen@hotmail.com.