From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Maria=20O'Rourke?= <dk_scully_101@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 21:06:59 +0100 (BST)
Subject: xfc: Question 1/1 (post 3 Words)
Source: xfc

Title: Question
Author: Maria O'Rourke
Feedback: dk_scully_101@yahoo.com
Website:
http://www.geocities.com/begininng_and_end/index.htm
Spoilers: Up to & including 3 Words
Summary: Mulder asks the all-important question of
just where exactly he fits in.
Rating: PG.
Disclaimer: they're not mine.

	She walked towards him. Was walking the right word?
He continued to stare at her, as her body seemed to
sway slightly at the imbalance of weight. His eyes
concentrated on her stomach and he couldn't help but
feel resentment pump into his veins.

She sat beside him, removing her shoes before handing
him the cup of coffee that she'd made. She had no
drink; she just sat and stared at him.

	"What?" she asked, smiling slightly at the
inquisitive look that he threw her. He couldn't help
but notice that her hand lay protectively on her
stomach, her fingers moving gently across the large
bump.

	"It was something that Langly had said, actually... It
got me thinking."

Her eyebrow rose and she gave him a small smile.

	"Really?" her eyes narrowed. "Which part?"

His face remained serious as he stared at her.

	"The part where he commented on the 'blessed'
event...." He trailed off and her face lost all
expression, she simply watched him, waiting for him to
continue. His eyes met hers. "The invitro didn't work
so who's the donor? The guys, hell everyone, they
think it's mine!"

He felt the stinging sensation as soon as her hand
left his cheek and his fingers massaged the area
gently as he stared down at his feet, unable to look
at her.

"I think you should go." She muttered, rising and
watching as he rubbed his cheek.

	"Scully..." his hand fell from his jaw, reaching out to
touch her but she shook it off easily, turning her
back to him and staring out her window. He saw the
single tear fall from her eye and drop to the ground
but she did not look at him, her eyes continued to
stare at the night sky.

	"Go."

It didn't sound as if she wanted him to go. This
wasn't happening. Her voice sounded distant and the
moment of silence seemed to go in slow motion. She
turned, the tear track still evident on her skin as
the moonlight reflected on the remains of the tears
that stained her skin. He expected her to reach out to
him, touch him, embrace him, but she merely walked
past him, heading toward her bedroom.

	"Scully, I-"

She paused, her back still to him and he saw her run a
hand through her hair before turning and looking at
him. There was a mixture of emotion written across her
face. Pain. Terror. Fear. Shock. 

	"Go Mulder. You have no right-"

He looked helplessly at her.

	"I didn't mean to sound-"

She held up her hand.

	"It's been the hardest three months of my life Mulder
and-"

He took a step toward her but she shook her head and
walked to the front door. She held it open for a
moment, staring at him but then grabbed her own coat
from the back of her couch, slid it on and stormed
from her apartment. He was in shock. Then he heard it.


It only took him a few seconds to reach her, he didn't
even remember opening the door. She lay in a crumpled
heap on the floor outside her apartment and he touched
her neck, feeling a strong pulse. She moved.

	"Scully?"

	"I-" she began, voice groggy and eyes half open. He
stared down at her and without thinking picked her up
into his arms. "What are you doing?"

	"I'm taking you inside..."

The fact that she didn't argue anymore made him
realise just how much everything was affecting her. He
backed into her apartment, not bothering to close the
door and laid her gently on the couch, kneeling beside
her and touching her face gently, wiping a stray
strand of hair from her eyes.

He continued to caress her face as he stared at what
was once impeccable skin. She seemed to have aged
overnight. To him, it was overnight; to her it had
been three months. The last time he had seen her had
been outside Skinner's office and she had seemed so
worried for him, she had begged to go with him but he
had feared for her. He had feared because of what he
had thought they could do to her. How could he have
realised it was him they had been looking for?

Now he feared for her again and he knew that this time
there was nothing he could do to help her. She had
been in pain for 3 months and it was his entire fault,
if only he had listened to her and stayed. He stared
at the tearstains on her cheeks, the wrinkles on her
forehead, the worry lines that had been permanently
engraved on beautiful skin. She had to face so much
alone and it had been all because of him and he had
succeeded in making it worse.

His return should have been celebrated and for a brief
few moments it had until he had ruined it. Until he
had said something that had wiped out the joy she felt
at having him back, replacing it with pain and dismay.
He never felt the tear leave his eye; he only saw it
fall to her face, travelling down the curve of her
cheek until it slid down her neck, resting just above
her collarbone.

	"I'm sorry Scully," he said, watching as her eyes met
his. "I am so sorry..."

Her eyes seemed to sadden, her lip quivering as she
stared at him.

	"I missed you so much Mulder and to have you-" she
paused and he lowered his head, averting her gaze.

	"I never meant to upset you Scully..." he began, rising
and sitting on the edge of the couch and looking down
at her, taking her hand in his. "I didn't want to hurt
you, I..."

He lowered his head again.

	"I just need to know where I fit in."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head as the first
tear fell.

	"If you think that you're that easy to substitute
Mulder..." she removed her hand from his. "Then I
shouldn't have spent three months looking for you and
simply found a replacement..."

He stared down at her.

	"I never meant-"

She sat upright and stared at him and for a moment
there was anger in her eyes until it dissolved into
pain and she closed them, trying to hide her tears.

	"There was no-one else Mulder, there never has been."

Mulder was in shock.

	"You mean-" he paused; trying to let this sink in. He
rose. "It's mine?"

She didn't look at him and he turned when she didn't
answer, kneeling beside her.

	"Scully, please..." he paused. "Am I the father of your
baby?"

She looked at him.

	"Yes."

It was all she could manage to say before beginning to
cry. He took her into his arms and held her close to
his chest, caressing her hair with his fingers and
then he realised that she was crying. No, crying
wasn't right, she was sobbing. He felt her shudder
under his touch and he pulled back from her.

	"It can't be..." he began and she shook her head,
pulling away from him so that there was distance
between them. He was in shock.

	"If you don't want to be involved, I understand
Mulder, I do." She paused. "It's yours Mulder, it has
got to be..."

He nodded and then smiled and began to laugh. She
stared up at him, worry lines appearing on her
forehead as she wiped away her tears. He closed his
eyes and shook his head, running a hand through his
hair. He was silent for a moment and then she realised
that there were tears running from his eyes. She rose,
placing a hand on his back and held him. She stood on
her toes and kissed his forehead. His eyes met hers.

	"I am sorry, I never meant to upset you." He lowered
his head. "I just assumed..."

She held his hands in hers.

	"I didn't want to tell you, after the first time when
it failed, I never wanted you to blame yourself if it
couldn't work..." she paused, confused at the mixture of
emotions that were running through her.

	"To me, it's been only three hours apart.... Not three
months..." he let his hand slide down to her stomach and
he pressed his palm against the bump. "The last time I
saw you seems like only yesterday when in reality I
haven't seen you for-"

Her face lowered, not able to stare at him but he
touched her chin, forcing her to look at him.

	"I didn't expect this, any of this and to see you in
this condition was a shock, I never expected for you
to say it was mine, I never realised that you had
tried again. I don't know how to feel..." he stared at
her. "I don't know what to say or how to say it..."

She nodded.

	"I don't want anything from you Mulder..."

He smiled.

	"By my reckoning, you've already got a part of me..."
he rubbed her stomach. "You know this changes things,
don't you?"

She closed her eyes, laying her head on his chest.

	"Everything changes Mulder," she faltered, suddenly
remembering his funeral and she closed her eyes
tightly, biting her lip. "I never thought that I'd see
you again and when I did and you were-"

He pulled her even closer to him so that it was as if
he was consuming her. He closed his eyes before
kissing her head.

	"I understand Scully..."

She pulled away and shook her head.

	"You don't Mulder. I buried you. Three months ago I
buried you and as far as I knew, you were dead." Tears
began to fall from her eyes. "I stood for hours at
your graveside, wishing I was with you. Mulder I stood
and watched them put you in the ground and all the
time you were alive."

	"It wasn't your fault."

	"Then whose fault was it Mulder?" she demanded,
raising her voice. "Tell me, who should have known? If
it were you, you would've known. You would've known
Mulder. I let you down and watched them bury you."

He took a step towards her but she shook her head,
turning away from him.

	"I searched for you everywhere Mulder and when they
found you, when I found you..." she faltered. "I
couldn't look at you; I refused to believe that you
could be gone. I saw how they hurt you and I refused
to believe that you were gone. If I hadn't been
pregnant I don't know-"

He grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him.

	"What are you saying Scully?" he asked.

She looked at him and he saw how much she had changed,
how much this had taken out of her and how much she
had lost in his absence. She had lost so much and
gained so little. Even the child she carried inside
her didn't seem to make up for everything she'd lost.

	"I don't know what I'm saying, I just know how much I
missed you and to have you back is-" her lip quivered
and she shrugged. "What I've gone through has-"

	"What you've gone through Scully hasn't been your
fault, what you've gone through has been done by-"

She interrupted him.

	"No Mulder." She sat on the couch again and he sat
beside her but didn't touch her, he knew that she
didn't want him to touch her; she didn't want him to
pity her. "You disappeared because I let you go to
those woods. You were lost because I didn't know where
to look to find you. You died because I couldn't find
you in time. You were buried because I didn't realise
that you weren't dead. You would've died if Skinner
hadn't tried to kill you. Mulder, I am the reason that
this has happened to you."

He took her hands and she continued not to look at
him.

	"Scully, you are the reason that I'm alive." He
caressed her hands. "I've told you that you're my
touchstone Scully, it's true. You are my reason to
live. The only reason that I was angry tonight was
because I thought that I had betrayed you, that
because of me, you were forced to find someone else to
father your child. I am sorry for my reaction but I am
going to be here for you now, just like you were there
searching for me..."

She looked at him.

	"Mulder what are we going to do?" she asked and he
held her. He didn't know how long they spent holding
each other but he had offered her no response until
she pulled away and took his hand.

	"I will be there for you Scully. I will offer you
everything I have because you and our child are the
only thing that matter to me now..."

She stared at him.

	"But?"

His face grew serious and he looked away.

	"I have to find the truth Scully. I have to find out
why it was me, why I was taken. I can't live without
stopping this..."

Her jaw clenched.

	"And if finding the truth meant losing me?"

He stared at her and gripped her hand.

	"Would I lose you?" he asked and let his hand lie on
her stomach. "I've lost you for three months already,
I wouldn't miss another minute."

	"I don't want to find you dead again Mulder. I can't
face a future without you, not knowing that-" she
paused. "I want to find the truth Mulder, but not if
finding it means that I'll lose you again...."

He nodded.

	"When are you going to the doctor's next?" he asked,
staring at her. "I want to come."

She looked away.

	"What?" he asked. "Is there something wrong?"

His mind reeled. Images passed through his mind of
various scenarios and then it hit him. There was a
problem. There had to be, considering their combined
medical background. It included cancer, abductions,
black oil and mental illness, and that was just the
tip of the iceberg. 

	"I'm not under doctor supervision at the moment."

He paused, momentarily stunned.

	"Why not?"

	"There was nobody that I could trust. It doesn't
matter now, I'm looking after myself, and I know what
I'm doing."

Mulder decided that now wasn't the time to go into
detail but he had to know.

	"What happened?"

She just had to look at him to make him realise that
she didn't want to talk about it but would tell him
later, when she was ready.

	"I am fine. Everyone has been helping me, Skinner,
mom, The Gunmen, Agent Doggett..."

The last name stunned him. Agent Doggett? Just how
close had this agent gotten to Scully? He seemed to
have assumed Mulder's position in all areas, even
managed to get the arrest percentage of the X-Files
up, hurray for Agent-frickin-Doggett!

	"I intend to carry this baby to full term Mulder but
I need to know that you are going to be there for me.
I will help you find the truth Mulder but please don't
ask me to lose you. Don't ask me to do anything that
would mean you would leave...."

He stared at her, feeling emotions gather up inside of
him.

	"I am here now Scully. I am where you need me, you
aren't alone anymore. You won't have to do anything on
your own because I'm going to be here one hundred per
cent. I will protect you at any cost..."

She nodded and he pulled her close to him, holding her
as she cried in his arms. She clung to him as he clung
to her and she finally realised something. She had him
back. He was here. She was not alone anymore. Mulder
was back.


=====
"A woman always has the last say in an arguement, anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new one."


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