From: EXTWIG@aol.com Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 13:07:43 EDT Subject: Source: direct Title: Raining Madness II: More Madness Author: Twig Email Address: EXTWIG@aol.com Rating: PG Category: XRH Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance Summary: Mulder and Scully find themselves entangled yet again in the lives of the Green family, when they travel to Bwizville to investigate a haunting. What they find there only proves once more that some mysteries are better left unsolved. Sequel to Raining Madness. Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen or Skinner. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. I promise to return them, so please don't sue! The town of Bwizville is completely fictional, and like all of the other people they encounter during the course of this story, has come from my own obsessed brain. Enjoy! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Green Residence 666 Elm Street, Bwizville 10:00 pm "Good night!" Ruth Green called cheerfully from her porch, as she waved to her daughter Bobbie. Bobbie forced a smile and waved back, then turned to her husband Carl, "let's get out of here, NOW!" Carl was quick to agree. Toni Green-Laird was still sitting in the cozy living room, watching with growing impatience as her husband Larry inhaled his eighth helping of dinner. "Are you ever going to stop eating?" she finally snapped. "But I'm hungry!" he protested around a forkful of chicken. Rufus Green, who was just about completely senile, made a beeline for Larry. "FELIX!" he howled, grabbing the roasted hen off of his plate. Larry snatched the food away from the older man, "hey! Get your own!" Ruth grumbled and headed over towards Rufus, "oh for heavens sake RUFUS!" Rufus pointed to the chicken, "that was me hen! That was Felix!" "Rufus, you don't have a hen." "Heh?" "YOU DON'T HAVE A HEN YOU USELESS OLD MAN!" Ruth shrieked, her voice making nearby car alarms go off. Larry and Toni could take a hint. They bolted for the safety of the outdoors before a riot could break out. "Well I don't anymore," Rufus said indignantly, "poor, poor Felix. She was my bestest friend in the whole world." Ruth took a deep breath, "Rufus, you haven't had chickens since you were twelve years old!" "Heh?" Rufus said, looking vacant. "Howl!" somebody said from the living room. Ruth whirled around, "Is somebody there?" She was met by only silence, and the heavy breathing of her senile old husband. "Hello?" Ruth called cautiously. "Rufus is a doofus!" a female voice called tauntingly. Ruth grabbed a knife. She would recognize that voice anywhere. Rufus' evil older sister Bess...suddenly she paused. Bess had died two years ago. She couldn't be sitting in the living room. "KILL THE PACIFIST!" a voice Ruth recognized as Agatha, Rufus' cousin, drifted down from upstairs. "HOWL!" came again from the living room, and Ruth gasped. That must be Robbie, Rufus' brother. But he died four years ago... The myriad of voices reached a crescendo, and then died down again. Once again, the Green household was silent except for the occasional harsh exchanges between a senile man and his irate wife. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Apartment of Dana Scully 2 days later 7:30 am A knock shattered the relative calm of the Saturday morning. Special Agent Dana Scully sighed, and put down her cup of coffee. "Scully? You in there?" Mulder called from outside her apartment. She opened the door to reveal her partner. "Mulder? What's wrong?" she asked. "Wrong? Oh nothing," he said quickly, then held up a piece of paper, "I got this in the mail yesterday. Guess who it's from." Scully shook her head, "I have no idea." "Ruth Green," Mulder said eagerly. Scully shuddered at the memories the mention of the Green family invoked, "And what exactly does Mrs. Green want?" "She wants us to fly back to Bwizville to investigate something," Mulder said, his excitement showing in his voice. "Investigate what, exactly?" "She claims that her house is being haunted by her husband's dead relatives." Scully almost dropped the cup of coffee she had just picked up, "did you jus t say what I thought you just said?" "If you thought I said her house was being haunted by her husband's dead relatives, you thought correctly. If you thought I told you how beautiful you look, well you thought correctly too,"= Mulder said, grinning. Scully actually blushed as he leaned in to kiss her hello. Maybe everything that had happened in Bwizville hadn't been so bad after all. "So should I call her and say we'll fly up?" Mulder asked hopefully after they broke the kiss. She couldn't help but smile, "sure. Fine. Whatever." Mulder kissed her again before he grabbed the phone. xxxxxxxxxxx Same day Somewhere over Washington DC 12:50 pm "Mulder?" Scully hissed to her sleeping partner. "Mmm?" he asked, shifting in his seat and raising his head off her shoulder. Scully could only point, and he followed her gaze to the front of the plane. "Oh no." The same evil stewardess who had tortured them on their way to Bwizville the first time was giving a safety demonstration. Scully shook her head in amazement, "what are the odds on that?" Mulder sighed and buried his face in her shoulder. "HI EVERYBODY!" the stewardess exclaimed in a cheerful voice, "we're going to put on a movie now! Enjoy the flight!" "That'll be difficult," Scully muttered, as the opening credits to a musical rolled. The stewardess kept her reputation by singing along to all of the songs without missing a single line. "Kill me now," Mulder muttered. Scully ruffled his hair, "nah. I kind of like having you around." He smiled against her shoulder, then attempted to fall asleep. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 3:00 pm Green Residence Bwizville Mulder reached for the doorbell, then hesitated. "Are you sure you want to go in there?" Scully asked him, as the memory of what had happened last time ran through both their minds. Before Mulder could reply, the door was flung open, and Ruth Green beamed out at them, "HI!" "Must be having a good day," Mulder whispered in Scully's ear as they entered the nice house. "Hello Mrs. Green, nice to see you again," Scully said to the elderly woman. Ruth nodded, "I'm so glad you two could make it. My daughter, Toni, is eternally grateful for your help. When she heard about what was happening, she suggested I call you." "Lucky us," Mulder cracked. "What exactly is the problem Mrs. Green?" Scully asked, as they followed her into the living room. "Please, call me Ruth. Anyhow, it all happened two nights ago. I had my whole family over for dinner. After they left, Rufus and I were having an, er, disagreement, and suddenly I heard someone talking in the living room. This person, who I couldn't see, said 'howl.' It reminded me of something. Then I remembered, Rufus' brother Robbie used to try and get chickens to howl. Then I heard Rufus' sister, Bess, and his cousin, Agatha. Others have appeared too. It's gotten so bad, I can't sleep at night. 'Course, Rufus is so deaf, it doesn't bother him in the least." "I'm sure," Scully smiled. "All of Rufus' relatives are deceased. I don't know why, but he's still alive. Oh why, why, WHY?!" "Just lucky, I guess?" Mulder offered. "Lucky? LUCKY?! You call living with that useless lump of fluff LUCKY?!" Ruth shrieked, looking horrified. A voice drifted down the stairs, "what about a ducky?" "Oh good lord RUFUS!" Ruth roared, "GET DOWN HERE!" Rufus charged down the stairs, "I told you, don't call me a doofus!" "RUF-" Mulder and Scully both clamped a hand over Ruth's mouth. "That's not necessary, thanks Ruth," Mulder said. "Mr. Green, do you have any surviving relatives?" Scully inquired of Rufus, who was staring vacantly into space. "Heh?" Rufus said. "IS ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY STILL ALIVE?" Scully asked, a bit more loudly. "Ehhh...Let's see," Rufus muttered, deep in thought, "Jeff, Bess, Robbie, Bruno, Mark, Cynthia, Agatha, Mildred, Sonny, Sam, Todd, Bob, Fred, Lucy, Eileen, Ellen, Katherine, Diane, Mike, Barbara, Teresa, Jack, Susan, Bert, Ernst, Ingred, Penny, April, Donna, Pierre, Jonas, Elmer, Jill, Phil, Jackie, Pat, Bo, Anitra, Merideth, Suzie, Lori, Christine, Kirsten, Albert,= McDuff, Charles, Alyssa, Tom, Richard, Rick, Jon, Juniper, Felipe, Felix, Rose, Mary, Georgine, Marie, Erin, Ben, Lucinda, Gregory, Blair, Olivea, Anthony the 1st, Anthony the 2nd, Anthony the 3rd, Roberto, Dickens, Julius, and, uh , Frank. No, I don't believe any of them are still around, 'cept for me." "Oh why, why, WHY?" Ruth supplied overdramaticaly. "All of these relatives are here?" Mulder asked incredulously, looking aroun d the house. "Well, almost all," Ruth said, "some don't count. Like Felix. He was Rufus' pet chicken when he was twelve, and became one night's dinner. Elmer and Ellen weren't relatives, just close friends, and they're still with us. And Jon is our son who ran away a long time ago. He isn't deceased either, but Rufus just assumed he died. All the rest are here though." "They're here now?" Scully inquired, looking around. "Here, let me show you," Ruth offered, and took a deep breath, "ROBBIE! THE CHICKENS ARE HOWLING!!!" A half-transparent man floated through the doorway. He was tall, and bore only a slight resemblance to Rufus. He peered out through a mass of wrinkles, "yello." "Um...hi?" Mulder offered, gaping at the apparition. "Didja say that the hens were howling?" Robbie asked enthusiastically, "I always knew me hens could howl! Everyone always told me that I was crazy, bu t they can howl, right? So I proved them all wrong!" Scully tore her eyes from the ghost, "Ruth, what's he talking about?" Ruth shrugged, "when Rufus was twelve, Robbie and Bess snuck out in the middle of the night. They came back in and were caught by their parents. Robbie made up some stupid story about hearing the chickens howl and going out to investigate, and he's been obsessed ever since." A small, fat little chicken, also semi-transparent, waddled into the room. "FELIX!" Rufus cried joyfully. "HOWL FOR ME!" Robbie screamed, flying towards the hen. Felix flapped her wings and attempted to get away. Suddenly, a strident voice rang through the kitchen, "RUFUS IS A DOOFUS!" Ruth froze, "oh no." "What is it?" Scully managed to ask, trying to ignore the commotion in the kitchen. "It's...it's...BESS!" Ruth stammered, grabbing a knife. "Whoa! Put that down!" Mulder shouted, as Rufus' long dead sister Bess came floating into the kitchen. Ruth stabbed at Bess, but the knife went right through her. "Heh heh heh," Bess chuckled evilly, "if it isn't Ruth." "Hello Bess," Ruth said frostily. "CYNTHIA! AGATHA! BLAIR!" Bess hollered, and three other ghosts floated in. "Four against one," Bess said, "much like the old days." "Old days?" Mulder asked, confused. Ruth hurriedly explained, "we all knew each other growing up. Bess and I were arch enemies, and her cousins assisted her. Normally, my dearest friend Ellen would help out, but she's among the living." "What's the matter? You scared?" Bess asked, rolling up her sleeves. "Not at all," Ruth shot back, and she pounced. In an instant, everyone, human and less than human, were swept up in one big fight. Ruth and Bess grappled furiously, and suddenly, Scully found herself being attacked by one very angry Agatha. Cynthia tackled Mulder, knocking him over. None of them noticed the presence of two very angry looking ghosts. "BESS GREEN!" a sharp voice exclaimed. Bess stopped pummeling Ruth and looked up guiltily, "oh. Hi mom." Juniper Green crossed her arms and glared at the mess of people on the floor. "I've warned you hundreds of times about not starting these riots! That's it, you're all grounded!" Even Mulder and Scully were silenced by the commanding voice. Mildred, another of Rufus' cousins, poked her head in, "why can't we all just get along? Violence never solves anything!" "KILL THE PACIFIST!" Agatha screamed, and they all pounced on Mildred. The riot started up again. Scully grabbed Mulder's hand and pulled him out of the hysterical crowd. "Let's get out of here!" Mulder nodded, and they managed to get out the door without sustaining serious injury. "Why do I ever listen to you," Scully grumbled as they got into the rental car. "Hey, I was right about the ghosts," Mulder said teasingly. "Well next time they can call the ghostbusters. It's not like they're making any effort to get rid of them. It's almost as if they're enjoying it!" Scully argued. "Yeah, I think you're right," Mulder agreed, "they all seem to be having flashbacks to their childhoods." "I'm surprised any of them survived their childhoods," she observed as a kitchen window shattered and a chair went flying out. "Yeah, not any family reunion I'd like to attend," he commented. Juniper Green was visible through the kitchen window. "STOP RIOTING THIS INSTANT!" she shrieked. However, the commotion continued. Juniper got so mad that she grabbed Felix and punched her. The hen let out a shocked, "HOOOOOOOOOWWWWWL!" All movement ceased. "I knew it!" Robbie cried, "I knew they could howl!" Before anything else could happen, Mulder hit the gas, and their car sped far, far away from the home of the Greens. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "I guess the rioting runs in the family," Scully commented as soon as they were a safe distance from the Green family home. "I guess so," Mulder agreed, "but the riot we saw last year was nothing compared to this." "I heard the one at Larry and Toni's wedding was supposed to have been pretty big," Scully said, thinking back to the long file she had read on the Greens' history. "So what do we do now?" Mulder asked her, "I mean, there are ghosts in that house, that much is for sure." "We can't do anything if they keep fighting like that," Scully argued. "Maybe they're there for a reason," Mulder suggested, "you know, to say what they never got a chance to say in real life. Unfinished business." Scully studied his face and felt a surge of emotion run through her. She could tell that he was thinking about his sister, and she was overcome by a powerful feeling of love for this man. She leaned over and took his hand, "maybe," she said gently. He smiled at her, the pain in his eyes replaced with the love she knew was shining in her own. He kissed her hand softly, and then turned back to the road. "STOP!!!" a woman was standing in the middle of the road, waving her arms frantically. "Mulder, isn't that Toni?" Scully asked, as Mulder swerved to avoid her. He nodded, and pulled over, hopping out of the car, "Toni?" She practically flew towards them, "thank god it's you! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" "What's wrong?" Scully asked, as Toni threw herself into the backseat of their car. "It's those...those...PRIESTS! They're after me! NOW DRIVE!" she screamed. Mulder hit the gas, and they sped off down the road. Behind them, the Priestly Seven marched down the street, chanting over and over. "Demi...Demi...Demi...Demi..." "I thought we got rid of them last time," Mulder grumbled as he increased speed. "They never really go away," Toni explained, glancing fearfully out the window. "Why don't you just explain to them who you really are?" Scully asked her. "DO YOU THINK I'D BE RUNNING IF IT WERE THAT EASY?!' Toni screeched, "THEY JUST ASSUME I'M USING ANOTHER NAME!" "Oh." "Why don't you just arrest them? Or shoot them? Or dismember them?" Toni offered, "GET RID OF THEM!" Mulder screeched to a stop. "Mulder what are you doing?" Scully asked, grabbing his arm. "Call for backup," was all he said. "Demi...Demi...Demi..." the priests were getting closer. Mulder raised his gun, "FBI! Stop right there!" They didn't halt their chillingly uniform march. "Demi...Demi...Demi..." Mulder fired, and the first priest went down. "PIKE!" the others cried. Scully exited the car and stood next to Mulder, "why do you always pick that one to shoot?" Mulder shook his head in confusion, and the priestly six resumed their march. Scully fired, and another one went down. "IKE!" the five remaining cried. "Yessss!" Toni called from inside the car. The priestly five marched forward. Mulder shot Zike and Spike, and Scully picked off Mike and Dike. There was only one remaining, the pathetically short Tyke. He had the body of an eight year old, but the head of the other priests. "Demi!" he cried in a voice that sounded much like a child's. "He's just a little kid," Scully said. "We can't shoot him," Mulder agreed. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" Toni screamed, "KILL HIM!" Fortunately, Mulder and Scully were spared that decision when a police car roared up. Officer Fred Peacefulson exited the car. "Just great," he muttered, surveying the mess, "just what I needed to start my day. You two are under arrest!" "No," Scully protested, "we're FBI agents, Mulder and Scully." "I don't care who you are, you've still created quite a problem." "Those priests were directly endangering-" Scully began. "I don't care about them!" Peacefulson threw his hands up in the air, exasperated, "you two were disturbing the peace! Six gunshots! Tsk, tsk." Scully and Mulder exchanged glances, "you've got to be kidding me." Peacefulson frowned at them, "do I look like I posses a sense of humor?" He quickly handcuffed the two agents and locked them in the back of his police cruiser. On the street, the priests were beginning to stir. "Oh good god NOOO!" Toni shrieked, turning the keys in the ignition of Mulder's car and roaring off. Peacefulson shrugged and turned his car in the direction of the Bwiz Jailhouse. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx "I don't believe this," Mulder grumbled for what must have been the hundredth time as he and Scully sat in the tiny cell. "That's a first," she grumbled back. Mulder looked wounded, and she instantly regretted what she had just said. But she was too tired and irritated to think any more about it. "Did you call Skinner?" he asked tentatively. She nodded, "he wasn't happy." "Is he going to get us out of here?" Mulder asked. The look on Scully's face told him everything. "Okay, so it isn't the Bwiz Motel, but..." his voice trailed off, taking with it his 'let's make the best of it' attitude. Scully didn't move. Mulder tried again, "we have been in worse situations..." She continued to sit there, looking blank. "Scully? What's wrong?" She still didn't move. "Scully?" It was only then that he realized she had fallen asleep right there. He couldn't help but smile. "Am I that boring?" he asked her softly, scooting over to sit next to her on the tiny cot. Scully mumbled something, and rested her head on his shoulder. Mulder wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She woke up suddenly, "huh?' Mulder gave her a goofy grin, "riots tire you out?" Scully blinked, embarrassed, "sorry." "For what?" "For falling asleep while you were saying...whatever it was that you were saying," Scully said sheepishly. Before Mulder could reply, the barred door was opened, and a guard stepped in, "come with me." "Where are you taking us?" Scully asked, eyeing the man nervously. "Someone's posted bail for you two," was all he said. As they walked down the corridor, Mulder turned to Scully, "think it was Skinner?" She shook her head, "no. If you'd heard what he was like on the phone..." "Then who was it?" "I really don't know. Maybe Toni did it," Scully offered, "since it was basically her fault we're here." Mulder nodded, "maybe." As they exited the Bwiz Jailhouse, a long, dark limousine pulled up in front of them. One of the tinted windows rolled down to reveal a handsome man with sharp, distinguished features. Luke Bwiz, the essential owner of Bwizville. "Get in," he commanded. Mulder and Scully exchanged glances. Their last meeting with Luke hadn't been much fun, "can I help you Mr. Bwiz?" Scully asked. Luke scowled, "I bailed you two out. You could at least do me the courtesy of having a conversation. Now if you would..." Mulder shrugged and reached for the doorhandle, but was halted by Luke's white gloved hand, "don't strain yourselves. REUBEN!" The driver of the limo hurried around to the side and opened the door for Mulder and Scully. "That really wasn't necessary," Scully said, "I've quite capable of opening car doors." Luke looked down his nose at them disdainfully, "If you can have someone do something for you, then let them. Makes life so much easier, don't you think?" Mulder and Scully climbed into the limo, Reuben shut the door, and they drove away. "What did you want to talk to us about Mr. Bwiz?" Mulder asked. Luke smiled mysteriously, "I want your opinion on the Green family." Scully raised an eyebrow, "the Green family? What about them?" Luke shrugged, "what do you think of them?" Scully looked at Mulder. She was beginning to suspect the intentions of Luke Bwiz, "they're...uh...they're loud," she said lamely. Luke scowled even more, if that was possible, "anyone could tell you *that*. Just ask their neighbors." "Why don't you just ask their neighbors then?" Mulder said quickly. Luke stared unblinkingly at him, "because I'm asking you." "If you want to know their history, then I suggest you look up the-" Scully began. "I already know their *history*," Luke snapped, "I've been a part of the most of it. I swear sometimes I wish I never had met her..." his voice trailed off, and he looked almost wistful. "I don't think we can help you Mr. Bwiz," Mulder said hurriedly, "I'd like to get out of the car if you don't mind." Luke shrugged, looking disinterested, "fine, fine. REUBEN! Stop the car." Reuben stopped the car, and glanced expectantly back at Luke Bwiz, who grinned smugly at Mulder, "you'll have to get your own door." Mulder leaned over and opened the door, stepping out onto the sidewalk in front of the Bwiz Motel. "Oh, and Mr. Mulder?" Luke called from the interior of his limo, "there's a reason this town is called Bwizville. And why everything in this town is called Bwiz. Don't mess with power." "Is that a threat?" Scully asked dubiously. Luke smiled, but there was no warmness in his eyes, "not a threat. A promise. I expect you to call me if you hear anything." And with that he was gone. Mulder stood by the curb, watching the dark limo vanish into the traffic. "Something tells me that man is up to something," he muttered, more to himself to anyone else. Scully shuddered, "I get the same feeling." "I guess we should go up to our room, and try to contact Toni," Mulder offered, "she has our car." Scully nodded, "yeah. Maybe we should check on Ruth and Rufus too. The riot must have died down by now." Mulder chuckled. "What?" Scully asked, not getting his amusement, "Mulder, what is it?" He attempted to hide his grin, but it was impossible, "It's just that you're usually so...disbelieving, and now not only do you believe that the ghosts of Rufus Green's dead relatives are haunting their house, but you're waiting for them to stop rioting! It just struck me as sort of amusing, that's all." Scully rewarded his effort with a small smile, "well when you see a bunch of half invisible people throwing each other around, you'd *have* to think that something's up." "Don't forget the chicken," Mulder said, "what was its name...Flen?" "Felix," Scully corrected, "where'd you get Flen from?" He shrugged, "I don't know. Should we talk to them about our little meeting with Luke Bwiz?" Scully shook her head, "I wouldn't want to upset them more. But there is one person we might be able to talk to." "Toni?" Mulder offered. "No, Toni's sister. Bobbie Green." At that moment, a familiar looking Ford Taurus pulled up in front of them. Toni rolled down the window, "I was looking for you two! Thanks for the car." "We were...uh...busy," Scully said. "Actually we were arrested," Mulder said, rolling his eyes. "For shooting the priests?" Toni asked in alarm, "honestly, you'd think the man would know better. They always pop back within a minute or two!" "No, actually. For disturbing the peace," Scully said, exasperated. Toni nodded sagely, "ahh yes. I'm quite familiar with that one. Seems the whole family gets arrested whenever Ruth and Rufus have an argument. It seems to incite everyone to riot." "I get that," Mulder said, shuddering at the memory. Toni nodded, "well anyway, here's your car back. I lost the priests somewher e on Bwiz Highway, so I don't think they'll be bothering us anytime soon. Thanks again!" She hopped out of the car and disappeared into the swirling crowds. "Well...that solves that problem," Scully said as she slid into the drivers seat. "On to visit Bobbie Green," Mulder agreed. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Sanderson Residence 1013 Bwiz Street "Are you sure this is the house?" Scully asked as she peered up the long driveway. "Definantly," Mulder said, "I'd recognize this thing anywhere." He was right. The house had not changed from its bright green decor since the last time they had seen it. It was still almost blinding in color, and a rather shocking addition to the otherwise tranquil street. The two agents started up the driveway, which was also painted green. Mulder knocked on the door, which was opened almost instantly by a young woman, Bobbie Green. She was about two years older than Toni. "Hello Agents," she said calmly, as if she'd been expecting them. Mulder paused, "you're Bobbie Green, right?" She shrugged, her light brown hair falling over her shoulders, "Well, Bobbie Sanderson if you insist on being politically correct. But you have the right person. Would you like to come in?" She lead the agents through the green door, down a green hall, and seated them on a very green couch. "Mrs. uh..Sanderson," Scully began, "I know this might seem strange, but we'd like to ask you a few questions about-" "Luke Bwiz?" Bobbie guessed. Mulder's eyes widened slightly, and Scully poked him in the side, giving him a look that clearly said, 'don't even start thinking that she has psychic ability.' She smiled at their reactions, "I saw you two get into his limo while I was grocery shopping." Scully shot a slightly smug look in Mulder's direction. Bobbie smiled, "what would you like to ask me?" "Um...he appears to have some hostility towards your family," Mulder began delicately, still unsure as to what he was trying to ask. "Hostility?" she scoffed, "that's the understatement of the year. But it's also understandable. I think, under his layer of, er, *rudeness* he did actually care for me. However, I was not about to put up with someone who's idea of the ideal wedding is to pick out the wedding dress, the flowers, the guests, and to make all the maids of honor Bwiz family members. It's his way or no way, and that's the way it's always been. I was stupid to even think he might change." Scully perked up, always eager to get a piece of Green family history. Bobbie continued, lost in her own memory, "I should have known the instant we...er...HE started making the wedding plans. Truth is, it took my stubborn sister to talk me out of making the biggest mistake of my life. Actually, she didn't even help all that much. I ended up at the altar, wearing Luke's pitiful idea of a dress, all set and ready to be miserable for the rest of my life. I never thought I'd say this, but thank god my dad had one of his frequent senility attacks. He forgot to sit down after he walked me down the isle, and my mom got so fed up that she hit him over the head with a folding chair. As I'm sure you can imagine, a riot broke out, giving me an opportunity to escape out the back door. Carl-he's my husband now, but he was just my friend then-he followed me out, and comforted me. Meanwhile, Toni got another of her brilliant ideas, and dragged her best friend Larry up to the altar in an attempt to stall the wedding. They got married in the midst of a riot. Only fitting for a member of the Green family, I suppose." Mulder and Scully smiled their agreement. "I think Luke was truly hurt that I didn't want to marry him," Bobbie said thoughtfully, "for one moment, he let a sliver of feeling show through that snobbish shell of his. Of course, he was too proud to show it, and promptly married the opera singer hired to entertain the guests. Carl and I were married two weeks later." "Has Luke always been nasty to your family since then?" Mulder inquired. "Not right away," Bobbie said, "we kept running into each other. First on my honeymoon, then that silly cruise I won, and finally in Los Angeles when Carl and I took a vacation. When the whole family traveled to Antarctica to retrieve my mother and Carl's mother, who ran off with Rufus' brother Robbie-" "Didn't he, uh, die four years ago?" Scully inquired. Both Bobbie and Mulder looked at her in surprise. She shrugged sheepishly, "just trying to keep the facts straight." Bobbie gave a lopsided grin, "actually, he did. However, he was still very much alive then. He lived in Antarctica, in an igloo. Spent his days waddling among the penguins... Anyhow, while we were looking for Ruth and Ellen, Luke and Zunith just happened to be flying overhead, and their plane just happened to crash, and they just happened to land right near us. Unharmed, of course." "Of course," Mulder agreed. "After that, our run-ins with Luke were less and less. He showed up at Larry's parents' fiftieth anniversary, for reasons unbeknownst to me, and we haven't really spoken since." "Do you have any reason to believe he might want to hurt any member of your family?" Scully asked. Bobbie chuckled, "I actually think that the thought of killing Ruth and Rufus has passed through the mind of everyone in this town at least once." Mulder had no problems understanding why. "Have you met the relatives yet?" Bobbie asked, amused. Scully grimaced, "I'm afraid we have." Bobbie nodded sagely, "a riot, huh? Was it the one this morning? I thought I heard screaming." "That would be the one," Scully agreed. "There's nothing like seeing a bunch of half invisible dead people beating each other up," Mulder added with a smile. "You think that's bad? Wait until they all sit down for dinner. I've sat through one too many Green-Family meals in my lifetime." "They sit down for dinner?" Scully exclaimed dubiously. Bobbie shrugged, "they have since the relatives arrived. Each night, Juniper Green, she's Rufus' mother, cooks up Felix and they eat him. Yet the next day, he's back, as ghostly as ever. This has been going on for a few days now." "Ruth and Rufus partake in this?" Mulder wanted to know. Bobbie shrugged, "they don't have much of a choice. Juniper is very insistent on maintaining a healthy diet." "Back to Luke Bwiz," Scully began, having heard enough about the Green family to last her a lifetime. Bobbie snorted, "he doesn't even go to the movies! He slept through 'Star Wars' when I brought him, if you can believe that!" Mulder feigned shock at this outrage. Bobbie returned to earth, "however, I don't think he wants to *hurt* any of us. Unless of course, he had a total mental breakdown...which I suppose is possible. The pressure of running a town and all..." "He does have quite a temper," Scully murmured, thinking back to their first visit to Bwizville. Mulder nodded, "yeah. Scully, a wall, a waiter, and an unfortunate vase of tulips were kind of at the mercy of that temper last time." Bobbie clucked sympathetically, "I see. He hates tulips, as I'm sure you've realized. That's why he never lets his new wife show her face in town. He's quite ashamed that he married someone named Tulipa Stemm." Scully chuckled at the irony. "Well, thanks for your cooperation, Mrs. Sanderson," Mulder said, standing up, blinking at the assault of green on his eyes. She grinned, "any time. Might I ask though...what exactly are you two doing here?" Mulder and Scully exchanged glances, "I wish I knew," Mulder said finally. "Well, have a nice day anyway," Bobbie said cheerfully, showing them to the door. "Want to check on Ruth and Rufus?" Mulder offered as they walked to their car. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Residence of Ruth and Rufus Green Ellen Sanderson followed her husband Elmer through the door. "Ruth?" she called, "you left a message telling us to get over here right away...what's wrong?" Rufus clomped down the stairs, "yello," he said cheerily. Elmer squinted at his friend, "that you Rufus?" "Heh?" Elmer nodded and adjusted his glasses, "yep. That's you." Ruth poked her head around a door, "Ellen?" "Ruth!" "Shhh!" Ruth hissed, pointing to the kitchen, "they don't know you're here." "Who?" Ellen asked, confused. "Rufus' family!" Ellen glanced from her longtime friend, to Rufus, to Elmer, "OH NO!" she suddenly gasped, "you've gone senile!" Ruth clamped a hand over her mouth impatiently, and dragged Ellen over to the doorway. Ellen's eyes widened as she spotted the semi transparent figures inside. Bess Green blinked up at them, "well well well. If it isn't Ellen Sanderson. When you didn't show up, I was beginning to wonder if you'd croaked on us!" Ellen looked indignant, "I am very much alive." "Time for one last face off?" Bess offered, grinning evilly. "But...you're dead!" Ellen sputtered, looking to Ruth for an explanation. Behind Bess, Cynthia, Agatha and Blair suddenly appeared. Ellen's eyes narrowed as she spotted her childhood rival, "YOU!" Cynthia grinned manicly, "Ellen!" Mildred floated between the warring groups, "now, now. Violence doesn't solve anything. Why don't we all just try and get along?" "KILL THE PACIFIST!" Agatha shrieked. She pounced on Mildred, pummeling the ghost with her own nonexistent fists. "Bess-is-a-mess," Ruth sang pointedly, glaring at Bess. "Ruth-is-a-doof," Bess sang back. "Ellen-looks-like-a-melon," Cynthia giggled gleefully. Ellen, who had always been slightly ditzy, could not think of a reply. Ruth, who was fed up with the formalities, pounced. Bess fought back tooth and nail. Cynthia flew at Ellen, who swung a chair in her face. The wood splintered with the impact, but did not halt the advance of the vengeful ghost. Ruth paused to catch her breath, glowering at Bess, "why are you here, anyway?" Bess shrugged, "how should I know?" "You were always the family historian," Ruth snapped. Bess considered this, "Oh my god!" she exclaimed suddenly, "This month is the anniversary of the first Greens! The month Anthony Green the First took a cruise to Antarctica and met Felipe on the ship! We came back to celebrate!" "Very good Bess, I'm glad you remembered," Anthony the Third, her father, said proudly. Rufus wandered back into the kitchen, only one thought on his mind, "they're dead, right?" Anthony the Third chuckled, "of course Rufus. That was years ago! You're the only surviving member of the Green family now!" Ruth shook her head, bemoaning her fate, "oh why, why, WHY?!" Bess continued to ponder this new reality, "If this is the month of...then...the anniversary should have ended just about..." "Now?" Blair offered. Mulder and Scully entered the house just in time to catch this conversation. Before either of them could say a thing, the ground began to rumble. "Is that an earthquake?" Scully asked, grabbing Mulder's arm to keep her balance. He glanced from Scully to the Green family, "I don't think so." A powerful wind gusted through the house, which shook with the impact. A gaping hole slowly opened in the floor, and the wind became even more forceful, sucking everything that wasn't secured towards the chasm. "Hang on!" Mulder yelled, grabbing for something to hold on to. The deceased members of the Green family began to slowly dissipate, being sucked into the void of nothingness. "See you next year!" Bess screamed as she disappeared. Felix, wings flapping frantically, was also sucked in. Robbie screamed, and Ruth and Ellen desperately tried to hold onto him, but he too disappeared. Juniper and Anthony the Third waved as they disappeared. Agatha and Mildred vanished in the middle of their brawl. Rufus was hoisted into the air, being carried by the force towards the gap. "GRAB HIM!" Scully yelled over the howling wind. She and Mulder grabbed Rufus' wrists, keeping him safe from the devouring forces. Suddenly, the wind stopped, and the hole closed up. Everything was back to normal. Ruth opened one eye cautiously, "is he gone?" she asked hopefully. "Heh?" Rufus said from the other side of the room. Ruth threw her head back and let out an anguished howl, "NOOOOO!" Scully tried desperately to smooth her hair down, to no avail. She glanced at Mulder and couldn't help but smile as he sat up, looking completely rumpled. His hair stood on end, and his suit was wrinkled. He smirked when he caught her laughing, "you shouldn't be making fun of me Scully," he whispered in her ear, "have you looked in a mirror lately?" Scully reached up to pat her hopelessly frizzed hair and grinned sheepishly, "I don't have to." "RUUUUUUFUS! YOU IMBOCIL!" Ruth howled suddenly, hurling a frying pan at Rufus. "Me brother Robbie died again four minutes ago," Rufus offered. Ruth paused to look at her watch, "why yes. It's exactly four minutes since he was sucked into the void! How did you...?" "Heh?" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRG!" "Ahh, I think our work here is done," Mulder said quickly, standing up, and helping Scully along with him. She hurriedly nodded in agreement, and they bolted out the door before they were witness to yet another riot. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Bwiz Airport 3 hours later Mulder and Scully waited in the stiff plastic chairs for the arrival of the plane that would take them back to Washington DC "So...what did you think of our most recent encounter with the Green family?" Mulder asked, amused. Scully shrugged, "actually, it was better than last time. At least we weren't responsible for the collapse of a mansion." Mulder nodded, "yeah..." he paused for a moment before asking, "Scully?" "Hmm?" "Do you think Rufus is immortal?" Scully almost fell out of her chair. That had not been what she was expecting, "Rufus Green? Immortal? Mulder...I'm trying my best here not to start laughing in your face, but..." "After all the strange things we've seen in this town, don't you think it's remotely plausible?" Scully looked him right in the eye, "I think I've been pretty open to a lot of things here. The ghosts...the immortal priests...but an immortal eighty year old senile man?!" Mulder shrugged, "and his very irate wife." "BOTH of them?!" "He is the only surviving member of his family..." "I think that's only to spite Ruth. The more she wishes for his demise, the longer he'll live," she said with a smile. "Which will most likely be forever," Mulder said lightly, as they headed towards the boarding gates. Scully gave him a look. Mulder changed the subject once they'd settled in their seats on the plane, "How long do you think it'll be before Toni calls us to come back and deal with those priests again?" "Hopefully never," Scully said quickly, "there's nothing we can do about them anyway." "Maybe we'll be back here next year for the next family reunion," Mulder said hopefully. Scully eyed him, "if I didn't know better, I'd think you actually *wanted* to come back here." He shrugged innocently, "I like this place. It's decidedly weird." She smiled teasingly at him, "even weirder than you." He looked almost hurt at her comment, and she instantly regretted it, "Weird in a wonderful way Mulder," she said quickly, "I find you rather charming actually." He gave her a small smile, "okay. Weird it is." She grinned at him, "and that is why I love you." He grinned back, and leaned in to kiss her, not caring who on the plane saw them. They were interrupted by the arrival of the stewardess, "HI!" Mulder gaped up at the front of the plane, "there is no way..." Scully shook her head in amazement at their misfortune, "impossible." Mulder quickly stood up and grabbed his bags, "Is there another flight to Washington?" The stewardess nodded cheerily, "yeah, actually! It's just about to leave." Mulder grabbed Scully's hand, "we are switching planes." They raced across the airport and boarded the other flight just as it was about to take off. Settling in two new seats, Mulder and Scully breathed a sigh of relief. They wouldn't have to put up with that evil stewardess after all. "Now where were we?" Mulder asked softly. "Um, I think right about here," Scully responded, kissing him again. Suddenly something caught her eye, "no way." Mulder followed her gaze, "Nuh uh. No." Standing in the front of the plane, deep into a safety demonstration, was th e evil stewardess. "Excuse me," Mulder hissed to a nearby passenger. "Yes?" the man asked irritably. "Has that stewardess been on this plane the whole time?" The man nodded drowsily, "yup. She's been with us since we flew down from Maine. This was just a connecting flight." Mulder froze, and looked at Scully, who was shaking her head. "That can't be." The stewardess placed a musical in the VCR, and began to sing along. Mulder stared at Scully, silently begging for mercy. She ruffled his hair tenderly, and he laid his head on her shoulder. "Try to sleep," she suggested, "then maybe when you wake up, we'll have landed, and she'll be gone." "How are there two of her?" Mulder muttered into her shoulder. "Clones?" Scully offered. He lifted his head up in surprise, "Dana Scully, I never thought I'd hear you suggest that!" She shrugged, "Bwizville, remember? Weird." He smiled, "right. Weird, but charming." "Charming," she agreed, and he once again rested his head on her shoulder. The plane began its torturous voyage back to Washington DC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean Same time The man was looking forward to some rest and relaxation, when he spotted the stewardess at the front of the plane. She looked terribl y familiar. "NOOOO!" he howled, along with all the other passengers. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Somewhere over the western USA Same time A blond haired, ditzy stewardess hurried to the front of the plane, inserting a musical into the VCR. She joyfully began to sing along, much to the horror of the other passengers. Oh well. Some mysteries are better left unsolved. THE END xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Well? Did you like it? Hate it? This is only my second attempt at fanfic, so I crave feedback! Email me at EXTWIG@aol.com Hope you enjoyed the story!