From: "Demonchic _" Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 17:18:04 GMT Subject: Repost: Rainstorm (1/5) Source: xff Title: Rainstorm (1/5) Author: DeMoNChiC E-mail: Demonchic@crazedanddazed.com Spoilers: Pilot, and season 7. Rating: PG mild language Category: UST, Scully Angst, slight Mulder angst Summary: reflecting on the past and the present leads Scully to search out an alternative future. Disclaimer: As much as I wish the characters of the x-files were mine, they aren't. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen, Fox, Etc. Distribution: If you'd care to put this anywhere I'll but incredibly flattered. But just tell me so I can feel really good about myself for a bit. :) Comments: Just a little bit of fluuf that hit me while I was watching some old eps. Memo: Author notes at end. RainStorm (1/?) The rain poured down in sheets. It trickled down her face and hands as she stared at him through the veil between them. He was gorgeous. So young, vibrant and determined. He had an aura about him, one that made her willing to believe. One that her willing to follow him to the ends of the earth and back. To give up all her hopes and dreams of the future for the slightest chance that maybe what she felt in that single moment wasn't just her. Things weren't like that anymore. They hadn't been for years. The aura was gone. The willingness to believe, to at least hear him out, was a thing of the past. The willingness to follow had broken down and nearly ended on many occasions. What had once been a fiery, passionate, partnership was now more like an old worn out marriage that was never meant to be. He ditched her, left her out, and distrusted her. She was hurt, abandoned, and on guard every moment he was around. Waiting for him to cheat on her again. Her eyes fluttered open. The image of their first case together fading away like their friendship. She sighed as if her soul were escaping from her lungs and rose from the couch. Things could never be the same after the events of the previous week. When she had opened the door and found him with there, with her, she had mentally seen the last straw break, their partnership falling to the ground into two separate piles and then being blown away by two stormy winds. It seemed strange to her that only week before he had kissed her. After years of being assailed by his lewd remarks, told he loved her and needed her, and chasing her to the ends of the earth. And now this, the final straw broken. Him in bed with some woman they both barely knew and her alone, just like always. She stared at her answering machine as the 14 glared back at her. She had been there for all of them, there was no point in listening to them. It was him. Every one of them. Each time making a new excuse either for calling or for her to call him. "Hey Scully! It's Mulder....Um...I noticed you aren't here and well I was wondering if you were sick? You didn't call in so I thought I'd call and check in....well, okay...bye." "It's me again. I have a case I'd like you to look over. If you're feeling better call me." "Scully? Are you there? You haven't been to work in two days....and you haven't called in either......Skinner asked me to call you and see if you were alright. I guess you must be asleep or something. I'll try again later." She shook the voice from her head and continued on down the hallway to her bedroom. She stopped in front of her closet and looked at the reflection in the two large mirror doors. She looked exhausted. She easily could have passed for sick. She sat herself down in front of the doors and stared at her two hollow eyes. Briefly, she wondered who the hell she was. She pressed her palms against the cold glass as the knot in her throat tightened and threatened to choke her. She pushed the door aside slowly and stared into the darkness momentarily before reaching in and pulling out a large black duffel bag. She smiled thoughtfully and ran her fingers along the leather detailing on the handles and shoulder strap. She unzipped the side compartment and reached in, running her fingers across the bottom. The rough gritty remains of sand and shells scratch across her delicate skin. She smiled softly as she remembered the sand between her toes and the green blue water slowly engulfing the beach. She pulled her hand from the bag and quickly got to her feet. She began jerking open drawers. One after another she pulled them open and quickly removed her most favored clothing. She threw them in piles on her bed next to the duffel bag. As the slam of the last drawer echoes through out the apartment she returned to the closet and standing on her tiptoes, pulled the large suitcase from the shelf. Quickly, she folded clothes tightly and stuffed the bags. A sharp ring cried out down the hall. She looked up, pausing, before shoving the last shirt into her bag. Ignoring the phones pleas she darted across the hall and stared blankly at the counter of items before her. She reached for her toothbrush before stopping. She'd buy one there. She'd buy all of it there. It would be easier and people would not suspect that she had left for good. The rings had since been replaced by the sound of her own voice. She slid the zippers shut and placed the small locks onto them. She knew they didn't really offer any protection, normally the fell off during travel, but she might as well. She placed the suitcase on the floor and extended the handle. She grabbed the duffel bag and slid the two handles over the pull handle of her suitcase. She grabbed the handle and drug the cargo quickly down the hall. "Scully?? Are you there? If you are, answer the phone!..........Okay, look....scully???? okay, I'm coming over after work. I'll see you later. I hope." Her eyes raced around the room. 4:30. That was plenty of time. She grabbed her coat and rummaged the drawers of her desk. She pulled the dusty old blue book from the drawer and smiled. Quickly she flipped through the pages. She paused as she stared at the small round black circle of ink. 1991, just before her first case with Mulder. She still had a year left before it would have to be renewed. Fortunately, she had a friend in the Parliament. She'd have a visa by the time it had expired. Maybe even citizenship. She shoved the small flat booklet into the back pocket of her jeans and slid her arms into the sleek leather of her coat. She didn't bother to button the fitted waist of her coat before quickly heading for the door. She glanced quickly over her shoulder and looked curiously at the now unfamiliar surroundings of her former home. Even now, nothing looked familiar. Nothing made her want to stay. She looked at her purse offer turned on the couch. She sighed and closed the door behind her. Her footsteps echoed down the empty hall as she walked to the elevator. She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the elevator doors to open for her. "Come on." She mummered impatiently. Freedom was so close she could taste it. She'd no longer have to send her weekends in seedy motels, eating at some privately owned, backwoods, diner, in a run down old trailer, bearing the name of its newest owner. She'd be sun bathing, snorkeling, scuba diving, and dining at small coastal bakeries in local quays. Finally, the doors slid open and she stepped inside. She sighed. For the first time since she'd decided to go, she felt saddened and afraid. The doors closed before her eyes as she stared at the outside of her apartment door. There was no going back. If she went back, there'd be no escaping. RainStorm (2/5) The heat sounds of motors, horns, and hoards irritated and exuberant people echoed off the tons of surrounding pavement. Limos, buses, and cars streamed slowly by. They puled up to the curbs and dropped people off or picked them up. Piles of bags, sacks, and suitcases lined the curbside along with worn faces and sore feet. The 80-degree heat made it difficult to believe it was January. All the people in tank tops, cargoes, and sunglasses stood tapping their cigarettes off on the sidewalk, shouldering heavy bags, and doing whatever it took to blend into their unfriendly, undesirable, surroundings. He'd been pounding the pavement since 6 PM. and he ached from his heels to his heart. Somehow, he had managed to figure out that she had come this far. The city of angels. Angels that stood, obediently on hot sidewalks, viewing the world from behind tinted glasses. It would be difficult to find her here among millions of others who wanted nothing more than to blend in, disappear, and hide themselves from the rest of the world. According to the woman the Information desk she had directed Scully to the Thomas Bradley Building. Fortunately, it was a short walk down from the domestic terminal. The doors slid open and the rush of stark, cold, filtered, air was momentarily relieving. The people darted by, toting bags and exhausted children. He paused briefly as he scanned the floor area before him for an information desk. The crisp voice of the intercom echoed loudly throughout the building calling for some poor, exhausted traveler to report back to her gate. And then it was repeated, in Spanish, Arabic, Japanese...Mulder's eyes widened as he focused on the larger scrolling board hanging from the ceiling high above....Paris...Cairo....Sydney.....Auckland... It was the international terminal. His heart leapt and sank immediately to the pits of his stomach. International? Where would she have gone? For all he knew of her she only spoke a small amount of German.... Surely, she wouldn't take off for Germany without a word to anyone. Slowly he made his way to the nearest airport official. With a flash of his badge and a dusty picture of Scully he asked the stocky, middle-aged, man some questions. The man nodded and offered to find out what flight she was planning to take. As he waited Mulder watched the flight board scroll slowly up. One flight at a time. His heart sank as each one disappeared. It was one more chance he had just missed her. He hadn't bothered to ask himself why she had gone. He knew why. For seven long years she had followed him, chased after him, and cared for him. And in return he ditched her, led her into danger, chased after her only when he was truly certain he would lose her, loved her secretly, promised her a new beginning with a New Year's kiss, and ripped everything to shreds with one moment of despair caused by his own insecurities. "She's on the 10:30 flight to Sydney." The rough old voice broke his train of thought suddenly. "Sydney? Australia?" His stomach knotted. It had been one of the flights he had watched scroll away. Somehow despite the knot in his stomach he managed to race up the stairs and down the corridors to the Qantas terminals. He stared out into the dark night. "May I help you?" He turned quickly on his heel to face the small blonde woman. She wore a blue suit, much like the ones Scully wore. "I was trying to catch someone on that flight." He murmured. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just now preparing to take off." She nodded to the windows lining the corridor. He felt like he was hovering as he shuffled to the windows and watched the flashing lights speed down the runway. "How long is the flight?" "15 hours and 35 minutes. Depending on weather and turbulence." He swallowed the knot in his throat as he watched the lights disappear into the sky, taking his entire life with it. He sighed and took a long deep breath hoping to suppress his the flood emotions racking him inside. "When does the next flight leave?" "At 11:30. Would you like a ticket sir?" "Yeah...actually I would...Where can I get it?" Rain Storm (3/5) She was anything but amazing really. Amazing would be getting him to follow her, to look for her, to chase her to LA, to worry that he would never catch up to her, for him to experience a few restless nights, to shed a few tears, and to give up. He'd followed her, searched for her, chased her to LA, and on to Sydney. He'd worried he'd never find her, never see her, or gaze on her again. He'd spent every night worrying, fretting, trying to think of how to make it better, doing everything but sleeping. Even restlessly. He had sobbed when he thought of how much he must have hurt her to drive her to such actions, and he vowed to never give up. She had the biggest heart of anyone he knew. Though he didn't know many people. And he knew that once he found her, once he caught up, he'd suffer through hell, but eventually, she'd forgive him. Even if she never came back to him, he'd be happy to know she had forgiven him for all he'd done to her. He pushed his sunglasses back up, off his nose and walked cautiously across the bleach white sand toward her. She was a vision. Her copper hair pulled up in a short, high ponytail, and dark, mirrored sunglasses veiled her eyes. A white bikini tied behind her neck and between her shoulders and a thin, white, short, wrap around her hips. The tide whipped sea foam up under her toes and she'd smile sweetly in response. Each step was excruciating. Each on reminded him of one more reason he should turn around and leave her be. She has no friends. She has no social life. She can't have children. Her sister is dead. Her dreams are in ruins. You betrayed her. You said you loved her. You lost faith in her. He grimaced as he closed the last small portion between them. "Now I know why we never vacation together. It's more than work to keep up with you." Her head snapped toward him. Startled. She inspected him from behind the safety of her sunglasses and returned her gaze back to the sea before her. "When you go back to the ferry Mulder. I really think you should walk! The scenery is gorgeous, and there's tons of dingoes." "Come on now Scully. You don't mean that." He attempted to shield his hurt from her as he spoke, "it would ruin your vacation. You'd have to ID the body! And I imagine that wouldn't be so great with all the bugs they have here." He slapped another mosquito from his arm and smiled at her in vain. Her crystal blue eyes were still fixated on the rolling blue ocean. It heaved and sighed slowly lapping away the sand. He smirked at the irony. If his emotions could be measured in waves the whole island would have been entirely washed away by tsunamis. "Look Scully." He removed his sunglasses and squatted down beside her, squinting down at her, "I didn't come to drag you home. Not this time. I came to tell you that I am sorry." Her head snapped back toward him again, more startled than the first time. "YOU came all this way to apologize? I suppose now I should run back with you right? Because not only am I the first person you've ever apologized to, but you came all this way to do it. Was that the idea Mulder? Or perhaps you'd like to find a hallway to finish this in." "Jesus Scully. It's nothing like that." Usually he'd be furious with her by now. But not this time. He couldn't seem to get angry with her. She looked so wonderful, so happy here. "Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I could have waited till you got done with your vacation." He sighed and rose slowly to his feet. "It's not a vacation." Her voice was flat, entirely stoic. Typical Scully. "You aren't serious!" "God Damn it Mulder! what do you want from me? Do you want me to pack up and hike back with you without a word? And then when we get back I'll just go on with life like nothing happened right? I'll forget everything. Until the next time you decide you're in love with me right? And then you'll kiss me again, tell me you need me, or love me, or whatever sounds good at the moment, and expect me to come to your beckon call so you can tear me down again. And for what Mulder? For what? For the sake of the journey right? That's what it always is. Well it was my journey too Mulder! I gave up just as much as you did along the way! And yet you feel free to throw me off anywhere, anytime you like, and expect to simply pick me up at the next stop, or, or, the next time you NEED me! Well this time I jumped Mulder, and I won't be at the next stop when you get there and I won't be there when you need me." "Scully, please...That isn't the reason I kissed you...or told you I loved you..." "I suppose you loved her too right? Of course you did. You love any woman that'll have you. Well if it makes it any easier for you to leave, I won't have you anymore Mulder. Leave me be." Her voice wavered softly as she stared desperately out over the waves. She looked as if she wanted it to swallow her whole. Anything to get away from him at that moment. "I didn't love her Scully. She was a mistake.... I do love you though! You have to believe that.... Even if you never believed anything else I ever said, believe that." His throat burned as he choked on the sound of his own desperation to make her understand before she refused him again and his ears ached with the silence that surrounded them. He watched her carefully. As she attempted to swallow the pain knotting in her throat. It threatened to betray her, and she would have none of it. "Dana...." "Mulder, if you ever really loved me. Leave. Now...." Her voice caught, hesitantly as she pursed her lips and continued to look far beyond the horizon. She yearned to be there. It was the farthest away she could be from him, and yet, she'd still be able to see him. The knot tightened in her throat as he crouched near her. She released a slow shaky breath as he stood slowly and soundlessly, and strode quickly away from her, as if he had never been so certain of anything in his life. Perhaps she had misjudged him. Perhaps he really did love her all along. Rainstorm (4/5) She stared after him as he disappeared into the foliage. Walking quickly back to his jeep no doubt. He wouldn't really leave. He'd just go back to the bungalows, or the a hotel room and wait her out. Wouldn't he? Her jaw fell open soundlessly before she snapped it back shut. Tightly. Her knees were tucked closely against her chest, her face pressed against them as she stared back out over the ocean. He wouldn't just leave her. She glanced over at the empty beach. He couldn't seriously be walking away now. Because of what she'd said. No, not him. She bit her lip softly. Staring hopefully at the vacant sand. Maybe she had been wrong. Perhaps it really was all some huge mistake. 'You don't get into bed with someone by mistake Dana.' She scolded herself and turned away from the beach. Pressing her forehead against her knees and closing her eyes tightly. She couldn't entirely blame him for all of this could she? After all, she hadn't been so easy to... love? He should be applauded for even trying. She hadn't been entirely receptive to any of his advance. All right, none of them. Except that last kiss. Didn't he even notice how pleased she'd been? No, perhaps after all the years of rejection, he though perhaps she was just trying to be hospitable. It couldn't be possible that she drove him to that other woman. Surely that wasn't possible. Just because she had never fully excepted his attempts to love her doesn't mean he would make himself available to any woman that would come on to him. Certainly, he wasn't as weak as all that. He would have to be madly in love with her for that to be his reasoning. She looked back down the beach frantically. Mulder always did do things to the extreme. Perhaps he really did love her! If that were true he certainly wouldn't be waiting around for her at the bungalows. She swallowed the knot in her throat and cringed slightly. He wouldn't seriously be willing to leave her behind just because she had asked him to. Since when did he become so damn agreeable? He was supposed to yell at her, argue back, force her into a headlock and kiss her. Who gave him the right to suddenly be so...so...cavalier! He was supposed to be arrogant and rude and overly self-confidant! Not so...passive! She struck the sand with both fists and got quickly to her feet. 'How does it always turn out this way Dana? One way or another you always end up chasing him!' She snorted and kicked the sand furiously. She was more furious with herself than anyone or anything. Constantly being lead to do the same thing over and over, even though she knew full well what the outcome would be. Another broken heart. Another falling out. She sighed. "Why couldn't I fall In love with a normal man! A doctor! A lawyer! Not a some self serving, manipulative, incredibly handsome, paranoid, FBI agent." She mumbled allowed achieving some much-deserved looks of speculation from a new crowd of people. She hurled her light khaki backpack into the back of her jeep and slid into the driver's seat. After a few hours drive she slid from the seat and plodded quickly to the reception office. "I need to check out right away." She sighed "Now ma'am?" the receptionist looked puzzled by this sudden change of heart. "Yes. Right away. Did a Mr. Mulder Check out yet?" She attempted to seem all together, unconcerned as she leaned hopefully over the desk to see the guest log. "Yes, Ma'am. About 30 minutes ago. I think he's gone down to the dock to catch the ferry. Would you like me to send someone for him?" "No, no. Um, does the ferry leave soon? I mean, would I have time to get all my things and catch it?" She rang her hands and bit her lip hopefully. "Oh...If you hurry I suppose! It doesn't leave for another 30 minutes. Would you like me to have them come get your bags?" "Yes! Right away please! I have to catch THAT ferry." She turned and quickly bolted for the doors to return to her room. She was more frantic than before knowing that she may miss the ferry entirely. She'd never catch up to him if that were the case. She sprinted down the hall to her door. Quickly fumbling with her key before falling into the room. She quickly began grabbing clothing and shoving it back into bags quickly. She heaved all her shampoo and make up haphazardly into her carryon. If she missed this ferry she'd be a day behind him for sure. She could always catch a flight out from Brisbane. But surely on his chase after her, he'd come to that conclusion himself. Maybe he'd go see some of the 'supernatural' hot spots while he was here. She paused momentarily. Considering the possibility. "Excuse me? Ms. Scully? I'm here for your bags." A young voice called from the door. "Oh!" She whirled around on her heels, "Yes! Please take these down to the ferry! Quickly please!" She grabbed the last few items off the nightstand and shoved them into her carry on before quickly following the young man out the door. She nearly sprinted down the dirt path to the landing. She stopped short of the dock and sighed loudly. 'What are you going to say Dana? You probably really hurt him this time.' She cringed and began walking slowly down the dock, ' he's done it to you before. Turn about is fair play isn't it? No, I suppose not. Just because I can justify it doesn't make it right." She sighed as the captain waved her on board. Each step felt like climbing a mountain to her. She wondered briefly if she'd ever make it to the top. And once she did how long would she have to walk around before she bumped into him. Or found him slumped sadly in a corner. She smiled slightly, before scolding herself. The idea of him being so heartbroken about losing her forever was oddly appealing to her. She smiled again as she began to walk slowly across the top deck toward the benches. She walked slowly scanning the benches for his all too familiar face. Her stomach knotted each time she didn't see him. She stopped suddenly and smiled at the figure sitting with his back to her. Mussed hair and a well-worn T-shirt. His arms crossed tightly around his waist and his feet propped up on the parallel bench. His jaw was locked tight and his gaze fixated over the ocean. She grinned and slid into the bench behind him carefully. " I hear the scenery is fantastic on the way back." Her voice was cool and calm as he turned abruptly in his seat to face her. Rainstorm (5/5) He snapped his jaw shut again quickly as he stared at her completely befuddled by her sudden change of heart. Or perhaps she hadn't had a change of heart, maybe she just decided she hadn't finished telling him off. Or maybe she just wanted more answers. He swallowed hard as he studied her face trying to discern why she had come after him again. "What are you doing here?" He winced as his voice betrayed him in a high nervous pitch. She bit her lip in consideration, " I shouldn't have acted the way I did. It was childish. I'm sorry..." she turned her back to him, "but that doesn't mean you didn't deserve every word of it! It just means it was still wrong of me." She watched the waves as the ferry sliced slowly through the water, "What you did to me wasn't right either." Her voice was barely audible over the sound of the motors churning below them. "I know, on all counts. I did deserve everything you said, and I don't have any good excuses for what I did. Just lousy reasons." He watched her jaw tighten and relax repetitively as she tried to harness her emotions. He sat silently as he contemplated the situation he'd managed to dig himself into. And in seven years he'd dug one hell of a hole. There didn't seem to be anyway out. Except to convince her to throw him a rope. 'Now is not the time to screw up Fox.' He chided himself as he continued watching her in silence 'Don't say anything until you know exactly what it is that you need to say.' He'd always had a terrible habit of blurting out what ever came to mind without thinking of the ramifications first. He could only imagine what would happen if he did that now. The things she'd done in the last week were unbelievable to him. He'd never have guessed she would ever do anything like this. "You must have been very angry to have done all this. Runaway and all, I mean." His voice cut the silence between them like a dull knife. He studied her carefully once again, as she sat, unfazed, staring quietly away from him. She made no indication of any intention to speak, or to acknowledge that he had. He followed her gaze and studied the waters silently. He wasn't going to push for the hundreds of answers he was dying to hear. If she never wanted to tell him why she'd bolted away without so much as a good bye, he'd never ask. He was just glad she hadn't stayed behind. Perhaps over the coarse of time she'd just forget everything, and they could pretend it never happened. He winced. It was that very selfishness and stoic behavior, that had got them to this point to begin with. At some point they'd have to discuss it. It was like putting a band aid and some peroxide on a gun shot and telling yourself it would get better on it's own. When in reality it just keeps getting worse. Now was not the time to push her though. He mulled over all the hundreds of things he'd done to her over the years. Ditching her, distrusting her, accusing her of things she never would have done, disbelieving her, in account of Diana, of all people. His brow furrowed in frustration. It was a wonder she hadn't done this years ago. " I wasn't angry." His head snapped back to look at her. Her voice was quiet, calm, and controlled. Yet, her face was tight with the strain of reserving her emotions. "You weren't?" His voice was slightly surprised and his face twisted in a look of confusion. "I was upset." She continued to stare away from him. "Oh...And you couldn't have come and talked to me about it?" he sounded hurt and disappointed. "You wouldn't have listened. You never do. You would have told me how it was none of my business. You would have been indignant about it. You always are when you don't want me to know the real reason you've done something." Her voice threatened to betray and she locked her jaws in defiance. He lifted his head and scanned the deck. There was only a handful of people scattered about the deck. But She'd always been a private person. She wouldn't cry in front of anyone. Sometime during her life, someone had convinced her it was unexceptable. Or perhaps she had convinced herself that it was a sign of weakness. Something he'd so rarely seen her display. He wished she'd show it more often. Sometimes he wasn't so certain she even needed him. As a partner, or otherwise. She seemed so self-sufficient. It was difficult to imagine that she'd have run away from her entire life on account of him. He'd always thought that she'd simply beat the shit out of him or something as equally painful. But running away, that was so un-scully. "I'm sorry." He murmured softly as he scooted closer to her. Hoping that maybe she'd feel more comfortable if she thought no one realized that they were fighting to hang onto a seven year friendship that had taken them to the ends of the earth and back for one another. " I've been wrong a lot in the last seven years. It's time I started apologizing for it." He smiled. "You're apologizing?" She smirked softly, "You must really be sorry then. I can't even remember a time when you've apologized to me." "It's never too late to start. I hope." His face fell as she sat silently again, " I know I've been wrong a lot Dana. And I'm sure by now I can't make up for all of it. But if you doubt that I'm apologizing because I'm really sorry and that it's just because I think it'll bring you back again, you're wrong. I really am sorry." She turned her head slightly and looked at the bench. Anything to divert her eyes away from him. "In seven years I've never seen you run from anything. If I hurt you badly enough to make you runaway, then you deserve an apology, and then some, because it takes a lot to make you run." He smiled as she raised her eyes to his. Her eyes traced his feature before meeting his eyes and pinning them with her own. "You kissed me, and once before you told me you loved me, and if all of that meant anything to you... I can't figure out, Mulder, how you could sleep with her? Were you just hoping I would never find out?" His stomach tied in tight knots and he suddenly felt thankful for the sickness bags under the seats. He opened his mouth and closed it again quickly. No matter what he said it couldn't erase what he'd done. Even if he and Scully weren't 'together' they'd certainly been one another's only interests. And after the things he'd said and done, she was right, what could he say to justify what he'd done? She certainly wasn't going to be won over by the notion that just because he felt that he'd never be able to have her, he'd become lonely and desperate for some kind of affection. He grimaced, it was a pathetic excuse... but it was the truth. "I didn't think anything." He took a deep breath as she her eyebrows furrowed in a mix of confusion and disbelief, "What I mean is, I didn't think you wouldn't find out. As stupid as it is I just never thought about that. I was just so angry...or...upset. I was completely distraught to be honest. After seven years of wanting nobody but you I'd gotten a kiss and a half , and I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. It's like I'm always going to be pining after you, but no matter how fervent I am in my efforts I'm never going to catch you! And that night, after everything that was going on between us, it seemed impossible. And let's face it, I'm not getting any younger Scully. I just lost it. I couldn't stand it anymore and then she was there wanting to discuss the details of the case and the minute she realized I was vulnerable... well, I think you can see how it went from there." He stared at her hopefully He was hoping that somehow she'd forgive him for it. Her face was blank as she processed everything he'd just said. The knots tightened as he waited for her response. "You've 'wanted' me for seven years? Really, Mulder, I'd think in seven years, after everything we've been through, you would have realized at some point you could have approached me about it." Her voice was wary. It seemed as if every time they started a serious conversation about 'them' things fell to pieces and they ended up at each other's throats. That wasn't what she wanted this time. "I have. If I remember correctly your response was, 'oh brother.'" He smiled one of his, 'ha! It isn't ALL my fault this time' smiles. She shook her head slowly and smiled a little. "Okay, but really Mulder. Who the hell reveals his undying love in a hospital after being found floating face down in the ocean?" "Well, certainly not your average Joe. Given that, you should have never doubted me." He grinned widely. "Shut Up Mulder." She couldn't help but laugh. "At least we're back to normal," he chuckled as he put his hand firmly on her shoulder, "but I don't think that's were either of us wants to leave it this time." "No...I don't think so either." She laughed suddenly and buried her face in her palms, "Seven years I've spent pining over you while you try to save the world, and the entire time you're doing the exact same thing? Jesus! I don't think anything could be more ironic." "Well, this is me we're talking about. And in case you haven't noticed, I never take the quick way around to anything." His laughter trailed off. "What?" she tried to stifle her laughter. "What do I have to do?" he studied her face with slight concern. "...What do you mean?" "In order for us to not spend another seven years chasing each other in circles what do I have to do to make you want to change it all and not just talk about it?" His voice was flat and he pressed his lips together nervously as she stared at him. "You don't have to change anything Mulder...I thought I'd already established the fact I wanted our relationship to change. Just because I want our relationship to change doesn't mean you have to change with it." She was concerned. His past with women, including his mother, had been rocky. And not entirely happy from what she could discern. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was going to be the next Phoebe or Diana. "Come on Scully, be honest with me. If you and I were...together... I wouldn't have to change anything at all? I can't buy that Scully. I drive you insane and you know it. I can't let you go on vacation without calling you ATLEAST three times. I don't squeeze the toothpaste right, I leave the toilet seat up, I never clean up after myself, I work too much, never go on 'vacations', I couldn't cook to save my life, I'm terrible with gifts, I'm always late..." He sighed loudly, "and more than anything, I resent people trying to change me. So... I'm asking you now, what do I have to change?" "In all honesty Mulder? I don't care if you don't cook, I don't care if you're always late, or if you just plain don't show up sometimes. I expect that. I don't care about the toothpaste, it's just toothpaste. So what if you don't go on vacations on your own? I go, and you always seem to find a reason to either call me or come along. You aren't as terrible with gifts as you like to think you are. And well...the toilet seat thing has to stop, but we can work around that I think." She smiled, "and the name, thing. It's Dana, not Scully. I've always hated that." She couldn't help but laugh as his jaw fell open and snapped quickly shut again. "You've always hated being called Scully?" his voice was full of confusion and laced with hurt. "Well just because you prefer to be called by your last name doesn't mean I do. I can stomach it at work...That's work. Everybody does that in the FBI. But when we're in the car? Or on a plane? Or working on paperwork at one of our apartments?" She shook her head defiantly, " I don't like it. I'm not 'Scully' I'm Dana. There IS a difference." "And what would that be?" "Dana does that Scully never would." She laughed as his eyes widened in thought, "Don't get too many ideas G-man. We're still partners." "But it wouldn't be like we'd be the first!" he wined and tried to entrap her with his patented 'puppy' face. It never worked, but she had never seen a reason to tell him that. The way she figured it, he needed to think he had something that could trump her, even if it never worked. She simply smiled and looked over bow of the ferry at quickly approaching land. "I don't know that it will make you feel any better, but perhaps it doesn't matter." She paused thoughtfully before continuing, "I don't think I want to do this anymore." "You want to quit?" his voice was surprisingly normal. She looked him over quickly. So many times he'd thrown fits and hurled himself in her path to keep her from quitting. This time he seemed excepting of the idea. Maybe even supportive. "I think I might. I know one thing for sure I certainly don't want to teach. I don't think anything has ever been so boring as that. But perhaps, go back to medicine. Pediatrics perhaps? I dunno. I just don't think I want to be in the FBI anymore." She waited, half expecting the onslaught of pleading her not to quit. "Yeah, that would be good for you. Pediatrics. I can see that. You've always been really good with children. You'll still be my doctor though won't you?" He grinned as he slid his sunglasses over his gorgeous hazel eyes. "Of course! I'm surprised you even have to ask that. I'm also surprised you aren't handcuffing me to you and dragging me back to the basement with you. Why is it that it's okay for me to leave now?" She looked up at him as he stood on the other side of the bench. He stretched slowly as he watched to ferry cover the last few yards to the dock. "Because this time I know you aren't leaving me." He smiled as he picked up both of their bags and shouldered them. "I never was leaving you Mulder. I was always leaving the FBI. It never had anything to do with you." She stood slowly as the ferry lurched to a stop. "Well, you know me Scully...excuse me...DANA. I have a thick skull it takes about seven years for anything to seep through sufficiently." He beamed down at her, "So. Now that you aren't going to be my partner anymore...What do you say?" "Mulder..." "Fox. They're your rules!" He mocked as they made they're way to the steps. "Fine. FOX. I certainly hope you don't think that just because I'm not your partner anymore that I'm going to play easy to get." She shot him a devilish grin before pulling her sunglasses over her eyes and stepping out into the sun. "Aghh, Dana. Haven't you been playing hard to get long enough? I've played games of monopoly that took less time than this." He trotted down the remainder of the stairs. Things had gone better than she expected. Even if he hadn't had to cry, kick, and scream, for her forgiveness. In some small way she couldn't blame him for everything. She hadn't offered him any real reassurance. And though it made a lousy excuse, for him it was viable. For someone who could be so arrogant and self-assured, he was incredibly vulnerable about certain things. She smiled as she hopped off the gangway and grabbed her suitcase. He was a walking contradiction of himself. She scanned the dock. He'd sundered off on his own again. Somethings would never change. She sighed and carried her baggage to a bench over looking the harbor. He'd show up when he wanted to. She pulled at the edge of the thin wrap she wore. She hadn't had time to change from her bathing suit before chasing after him, and she'd have to wait till he came back to watch her things before she could change. She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. He strode around the corner of the building suddenly. He'd changed his clothes first. Tight blue jeans, white T-shirt, long sleeved blue shirt, rolled up to his elbows. He stopped and looked quickly around the deck. She smirked as a few young women eyed him adoringly as they passed by him. She stood quickly and grabbed her bags deliberately bumping into him as she trotted toward the bathroom, "My turn. Watch my bags!" She called over her shoulder as she pushed the door of the bathroom open. He sat down on the bench and studied her bags. They weren't incredibly full. She'd probably planned to just buy new clothes, to go with her new life. He scanned the docks and its various patrons for a moment. 'Might not have been such a bad one.' He thought as he leaned back and admired the turquoise waters. DC's water had probably never looked that clean. He'd noticed, as he'd been chasing her up the coast, that the scenery in this country was unreal. Palms trees, ferns, and fields of sugar cane. He'd gone to Hawaii once, he'd thought that was great. Mostly because of the wild legends, but this was fantastic. A world all it's own. And so isolated and quiet. He looked about him quickly. Wanting to pick up a newspaper and see if he could even find a murder story, or even a story about a narcotics problem. He was sure they'd probably had their share. He glanced at a group of ladies as they walked by a little closer than necessary. He smirked to himself and turned his attention back to watching the obscure little sea birds diving in after fish. It wasn't particularly a life he admired, but all the same he found it impressive. He sighed loudly and looked toward the bathroom and back at his watch. She'd always been able to get ready to go in record time. He furrowed his brow a little as he considered going in after her. "This must be a 'Dana' vacation thing." He murmured and he pressed his palms into his eyes. He'd always liked the 'Dana' side of Scully much better anyway. She clicked so much better with his unpredictable nature. "So...G-man.... Ready to go?" He looked up from his hands and stared blankly. She stood before him in a silver, blue, bikini style top with tight blue jeans. He blinked absently. "What?" She couldn't help but laugh at his expression. "Is this a Dana thing? Because if it is...I think Dana and I are going to have to get rid of Scully." She grinned as she pulled her hair up in a haphazard ponytail, "Why so...um...bare?" He grinned. " Oh I thought that we might take a trip out to the outback. You know, see all those paranormal hotspots. Or whatever you want to call them." She shot him a smile over her shoulder. He raised his eyebrows at her, "Are you trying to turn me on?" "Shut Up Fox." End (Finally) Author's Note: Those of you who have been pestering me, in a good way, to get this done. A) I'm sorry I took so long, B) I'm sorry if it wasn't what you were hoping for. I think I lost my way toward the end. There were just SO many options. Anyway, I hope you're pleased. Even if you aren't, I could use the constructive criticism, demonchic@crazedanddazed.com. Thanks.