Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2000 12:35:05 GMT
Subject: xfc: NEW: Rating Women, by Sandee
Source: xfc

Rating Women
By Sandee 

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Get it? Good.
RATING: G (Oh, just read it anyway! Promise, won't take you more that five 
minutes)
SPOILERS: None. Nada.
ARCHIVE: Gossamer. Anywhere. Drop me a line, first.
NOTES: This never even made it to my beta! So any mistakes found in here can 
be blamed on me. Also, there's a bit of Tea bashing in there, but I think I 
came out nice and clean in the end. This is actually a result of sitting 
around, bored, with my boyfriend for far too long. His imagination was 
depleted and was actually begging me to play this game with him. Hehe.


*****

"Okay, do we start now?"

"Ooh, Scully, say that again, just--"

"Don't even start with me, Mulder."

"Sorry."

"Okay." The sound of flipping magazine pages filled the air. It went on for 
a while until Scully found the page she was looking for. "Ready?"

"As ever, sweetheart."

"Don't call me sweetheart." She said irritably. Then, she held up the 
magazine. "Who is this?"

"Easy," Mulder said with a grin. "Tea Leoni."

"Rating?"

Mulder thought about this. "Uh... I give her a 5."

Scully practically spat. "A *five*, Mulder? How could you give Tea Leoni a 
*five*? You do realize that this is out of ten, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do. She's not my type."

"Mulder!" Scully was incredulous. "Not your *type*? What the hell kind of 
response is that? I mean, based on your past selection of females, I would 
assume that Tea Leoni of all people would be... I mean..."

"Hey," he cut her off. "Are you rating, or am I?"

She grumbled. He chuckled. Of course, had he expected her to just silently 
accept his thoughts? He chuckled again. Oh, Scully.

"Okay, next one." He said, to cut the tension.

"Here," she said, holding up the magazine to another page.

"Okay, that's..." hmm, where had he seen her, where had he seen her... oh. 
"Cameron Diaz, I think? Geez, Scully, what's with the teenage nostalgia?"

"Just rate her."

"I don't know why we can't seem to find something more interesting do to 
during stakeouts--"

"Mulder!"

"Okay. I give Cameron Diaz... an 8."

"You give Tea Leoni a 5 and then give Cameron Diaz an 8? Mulder, what kind 
of--"

"Oh, come on, Scully. You do realize that *you're* next in this little game? 
After you give me the name of the fifth woman you pick out from that 
magazine, it's your turn in the hot seat. And when your turn comes, I will 
be the one flashing pictures and making fun of your choices in men so you'd 
better not say anything too rash."

That shut her up. Mumbling to herself, she flipped the magazine to another 
page and held it up wordlessly.

"Angelina Jolie," he muttered self-contemplatively. "I give her a two."

Scully's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. The sight made 
Mulder laugh. "Just kidding, Scully. And you can speak. I give Angelina 
Jolie... a 9."

Scully seemed satisfied with his answer. In fact, she even turned the 
picture to herself and studied it. "Actually, so do i." She said, turning 
her eyes to him and hiding a smile.

"I know you do, Scully."

"Up for the next one?"

"Always am."

She closed the magazine and then opened it to a random page this time. She 
didn't immediately show who was on it, but whoever it was made her smile. 
With a big grin on her face, she held up the magazine.

"That's Mimi Rogers." He said in a monotone. "Why are you grinning?"

She shrugged exaggeratedly, and the grin deepened. "She just reminds me of 
someone, that's all. Go on, rate her."

"Who does she remind you of?"

"Nobody you know. Come on, just--"

"How do you know I don't know who she looks like? Come on, Scully, who does 
she look like?"

She regarded him quizzically. "You're serious? You don't see who she 
resembles?"

"Gimme that," he mumbled, reaching across their seats to take the magazine 
from her. He stared at the picture of the dark-haired morose-expressioned 
lady sitting in a flowery field. Didn't ring a bell. "I don't see it."

"Okay," Scully took back the magazine. "then just stop trying to remember 
who she reminds you of and give her a rating." She whined impatiently, 
waving the picture around.

He chewed on his lip thoughtfully. Mimi Rogers, Mimi Rogers. "A 7.9" he 
finally conceded.

She raised her eyebrows. "A seven point nine." She repeated.

"Yeah." He said, wondering what could be behind it.

With an annoyingly knowing look, she began flipping the magazine again. "Oh, 
come on, Scully, what is it?"

She looked up from the magazine and shrugged. God, she really looked very 
pretty, on this moonlit stakeout. He wondered if she would accept it if he 
gave her a fifteen over ten rating....

"I just assumed you'd give Mimi Rogers a higher rating, that's all." her 
voice broke his mental mooning.

Ah-ha! A clue. Then, it all fell together. He squinted thoughtfully at her. 
"She reminds you of someone I like, doesn't she?"

"Maybe."

Ah-ha! Another clue. "Anybody from the secretarial pool?"

"Just drop it, Mulder." She sounded annoyed. She shut the magazine and 
opened it randomly again. She didn't even look at who it landed on this 
time. She just turned the page to him, with an exasperated look on her face.

Who the hell was that?

"Scully?" he said helplessly. "I don't know who that is."

That's when she gave the picture a second glance. She frowned. "Hmm. Neither 
do I. I think they might have her name around... these... corners 
somewhere... ah, there it is... she's... Gillian Anderson, it says."

"Never heard of her. Can I see?" he asked, and Scully handed him the 
magazine.

Well, Mulder thought. Well.

Gillian Anderson was quite possibly one of the prettiest women he had ever 
seen. Second to Scully, of course. She had a nice, Roman nose, two blue, 
piercing eyes, rosebud lips, beautifully shaped eyebrows and flaming red 
hair. Reminded him of somebody, too, her name was just at the tip of his 
tongue, he couldn't place who she resembled...

"Scully?" he said, looking up from the captivating picture of Ms. Anderson. 
He tapped her picture thoughtfully. "Does she look like someone to you?"

Scully raised a skeptical cinnamon eyebrow. "Let me see," she muttered. He 
leaned in to her and she leaned over to him, invading his personal space. He 
might've caught a whiff of her perfume, and the scent overwhelmed him. Ah, 
Scully.

"Uh, she does look a bit like Tea Leoni," Scully thought aloud. "But this 
woman has definitely got a look about her." Gently, Scully pried the 
magazine from Mulder's hands and leaned back into her side of the car. She 
held up the magazine next to her face. "So, what's your verdict, Mulder? 
Gillian Anderson gets a--?"

Mulder didn't even have to think about it. "I give her an eleven over ten. 
Bravo on the genetics in this one."

He expected Scully to agree with him, but she was biting her lip, as if to 
stop herself from saying something.

What was it now?

"What?" he was incredulous now. "What the hell's wrong with that?"

"Oh, Mulder. It's nothing. Don't mind me. It's your turn take out that male 
pin-up magazine and make me suffer."

"No, Scully, come on, I have to hear what you have to say on this stunningly 
beautiful woman whom I have never seen before."

"Are you sure you want to hear what I have to say?"

"I always do. Why should now be any different?"

"Oh..." a moment's hesitation, then she broke. "Alright. But first, I have 
to hear what *you* think."

"Fine, I'm not embarrassed. I think that her mother and father did a 
wonderful job the night she was conceived, I think her eyes are beautiful, I 
think her hair is beautiful... long story short, I think *she's* beautiful 
and if I had met her at a bar or someplace socially acceptable, I definitely 
would not hesitate to ask her out."

Funny, he thought. That's what I think of Scully.

Scully's eyebrows went up. "Then you do *not* want to hear what I have to 
say."

"Oh come on. Comments from one buddy to another regarding their taste in 
women. Give me your best, Scully. Hurt me like that beast woman did."

Scully sighed. "Oh, alright. I think she's a bit chubby, her nose is too 
sharp, her eyes aren't aligned, she's too pale, her lips are too pounty--"

Mulder held up a hand, shushing her. "Okay. Scully. I get the point."

Scully actually smirked. "Couldn't take it?"

"Scully, your bashing of a elementally perfect woman makes me feel proud 
that I know someone of such incredible bitterness that they see wrong in 
everything."

Scully reddened a little. "I'm bitter when I want to be, Mulder."

Pause.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bash her. You're right. It's probably my 
inferiority complex."

"You don't need to feel inferior, Scully. I think you're really pretty, 
too." Oh, man. Was he actually *saying* these words? "In fact, if I were to 
rate you, I'd give you..."

She turned to him, her eyes full of wonder, yet full of gentle mirth at the 
same time. "What? What? Oh come on! I want to hear how I rate on the Fox 
Mulder list of women. Humor me. Just humor me."

Mulder waggled his eyebrows seductively. "Don't worry, I will."

Silence.

"As soon as I figure out how some of them men in this male-pin up magazine 
rate on *your* desire scale..."

*****