From: Kay6249@aol.com
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 15:26:50 EDT
Subject: Reasons For Living (1/1)
Source: direct

Title - Reasons For Living
Author - K.
E-mail - Kay6249@aol.com
Rating - PG
Category - VA 
Spoiler - Fight the Future
Keywords - Angst, Character Death
Summary - A totally different approach to the beginning of 
the movie

Beep.beep.beep.beep.
     It just kept echoing in her head.  The steady rhythm of 
the monitor was all that she could concentrate on.  The 
monitor that relayed every beat of her partner's heart out 
loud.  Oh how could this have happened? If only she had been 
stronger.  She wondered how he knew that the bomb was in the 
other building.  How he knew something wasn't right with 
Special Agent in Charge Michaud. He had such a good gut 
instinct sometimes.
     I could kick myself for not paying attention to what he 
was doing she thought.  He had followed her out of the 
building after he had found the bomb in the soda machine.  
But he protested the whole way. He knew something was up. 
All he kept saying was "Something's not right." The next 
thing she knew he had doubled back into the building before 
she could say anything.  Before she noticed. Before she 
could stop him.  And now here she was, listening to his 
every heart beat in the same hospital she had spent many 
time of her own.  Ironic isn't it? she thought, How the 
roles are finally reversed?
     She studied his face.  It was swollen twice the size it 
normally was.  There were bruises and cuts all over his 
forehead and cheeks.  She wondered how far he got into the 
building before the explosion. She pondered the thought. 
     She reached over and touched his cheek.  She was lucky.  
By the time the bomb had gone off she was already far enough 
away to escape with a few scratches and a couple of bumps.  
Lucky not to be hurt, she thought, but I wouldn't consider 
this a lucky situation for me.
	Please wake up, she prayed fingering the gold cross 
that hung around her neck, I don't know what I would do 
without you.
     She hadn't left his side in days.  The doctors didn't 
seem too promising but she wasn't giving up.  This was a man 
she loved, a man she had always loved and she was going to 
fight for him until the very end.  Or so she convinced 
herself to believe. She had to be strong.
     A knock on the door startled her from her thoughts.
     "Agent Scully?"
     She turned towards the voice. It was Skinner.  She just 
sighed and turned back to Mulder.
     "Agent Scully? You need to go home.  At least take a 
shower. Change your clothes.  Get some sleep."
     She had nothing to say to that.  How could she leave 
Mulder's side when she felt partially responsible for his 
condition.  If she had just turned around one last time to 
see if he was still behind her. If she had just gotten in 
the building a second earlier. She could have stopped him.  
Or at least they would be in the same place now.  How could 
she go on if he didn't?  It wasn't possible.
     "Agent Scully? C'mon.  Agent Daniels is going to bring 
you home for a little while. I will call if there is any 
change."
     Skinner lifted her lifeless body from the chair and 
walked her out, even though her gaze never left Mulder.
     Maybe a shower is a good idea, she thought.  I promise 
you Mulder I'll only be gone an hour.  With that she left 
the hospital.
     Agent Daniels tried to make small talk on the way home 
but Scully just stared out the window silent.  She watched 
as all the people drove by, on their way to work, on their 
way to see their families.  All things Mulder may never be 
able to do.  She closed her eyes. Why? Why is this 
happening?
     When they arrived to her apartment building, Agent 
Daniels insisted on escorting her upstairs.  After giving 
his regards, she shut the door behind him and locked it.  
Finally, she thought.
     The light on the answering machine was blinking but she 
just ignored it.  It was probably her mother or someone from 
work telling her how sorry they were to hear about the 
situation.  She couldn't deal with that right now.  People 
really come out of the woodwork during tragedy don't they? 
she thought as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket.  
It was on.  Skinner would call there if any change occurred.
     She walked to the bathroom shedding clothes as she 
went.  She hadn't changed her clothes since the explosion 
and it felt good to finally take them off.  Her FBI 
windbreaker was still covered in debris from the building.  
She sighed and threw it out of her sight.  Too many 
reminders.
     When she reached the bathroom she stared into the 
mirror.  The person staring back didn't even look like her.  
Her normally styled hair fell limply into her eyes and was 
covered in dust and debris.  Her eyes had no life to them 
and were surrounded by dark black circles.  She hadn't slept 
in five days and it showed.  Her face was unusually pale and 
the bruises and cuts stood out dramatically.  While staring 
into the mirror, tears began to fill her eyes.  She couldn't 
believe this was happening. It was the only thought that ran 
through her mind.  She slumped down in the corner of her 
bathroom and let it all out.  She hadn't cried once since 
the explosion.  She remained very dignified and positive 
around everyone. Mulder needed her to be like that.  But she 
couldn't handle it anymore.
     After a few minutes she composed herself.  Get it 
together Dana, he needs you now.
     She took her remaining clothes off and jumped into the 
shower.  The steaming hot water felt wonderful on her tense 
muscles and she actually relaxed for a few minutes.
     Then she heard the faint ringing of her cell phone from 
the other room and her heart dropped.
     In a split second she jumped from the shower, grabbed 
her robe and was at the phone.
     "S..S..Scully?" she stuttered.
     "Agent Scully." She couldn't mistake Skinner's voice, 
"He took a turn for the worse while you were gone.  You 
should get down her immediately."
     With a shaking hand she pressed end and dropped her 
phone to the floor. She couldn't take it anymore.  With 
Mulder gone there was no reason to keep on living.  He was 
her spark, her fire, her life.
     She slowly walked back into the bathroom in a daze.  
She took one last long look in the mirror and wandered into 
the bedroom.
     She sat on the bed and stared at her wrists.  How could 
someone with such a strong religious background even 
contemplate this she wondered.  Mulder, she answered 
herself.  Mulder was her life and now he's gone.  Therefore 
my life is gone.  I just can't take it anymore. The last 
thing she remembered was holding the cold metal of the gun 
in her hands and pulling the trigger.
     Skinner paced back and forth in the hospital corridor.  
Where was Agent Scully? He wondered.  He had tried to call 
her phone again to give her the good news but there was no 
answer. He had really wanted to catch her before she left to 
tell her that Mulder's turn for the worse was just a scare 
and that he had pulled out of it.  It looked like he was 
recovering.  All he kept asking for was her.
     He sighed heavily and walked back into Mulder's room.
     "Scully?" Mulder's weakened voice called out as he 
slowly and painfully turned his head towards the door.
     "Not yet." Skinner answered. "Relax. Soon.  She's on 
her way."
     Mulder just smiled.  As soon as Scully was here things 
would be better.  He needed to see her, to hear her voice, 
to hold her hand.  She was the reason he continued living.
     Without her..he began to think.  No, he chided himself 
for thinking that.  Scully was his life.  There was no him 
without her.
     He turned his head towards the window and waited for 
her return.  The thought of that already made him feel 
better.

     THE END