Subject: [XFF] YoHoHo and ... Rechargeable Batteries (1/1)
Date: Thu, 6 Mar 1997 17:01:11 -0600 (CST)
From: "Nicole Mason" <mason@umr.edu>

Summary: Humor (of the immature variety)
Disclaimer: Pure silliness using the unwitting characters created by
CC/1013/FOX.

Already sent to ATXC

Apologies if the margins are off.  I'm workin' on it.

YoHoHo and ... Rechargeable Batteries
     By Nicole Mason (mason@umr.edu)
     3/2/97

     He opened one eye and glared at the streetlight seeping through
the cracks in the blinds.  It took a moment to process his
surroundings and an even longer moment to recall the events that had
lead up to this scenario.

     A conviction.

     A celebration.

     A bottle of wine.

     A bottle of rum.

     A silly game.

     A ... A what?

     A kiss?

     A little bit more?

     A lot more?

     He sat up and wished he hadn't as his head started swimming with
the remaining alcohol in his system.  He looked at the bedside clock
and shivered as the chill air caressed his bare skin.  2:30.  It was
late but it was wasn't that long after they had made their unsteady
way to the bedroom.  He saw a shadow lying on the floor near the foot
of the bed.  Casting another glance around the room, he hurried into
the clothes he hadn't forfeited.

     His fingers were fumbling with the button on his jeans and he was
heading for the living room when the sound from the other side of the
door registered.  A muffled squeak and then a low moan froze him in
his tracks.  He felt his ears grow hot in embarrassment and
humiliation at the sound that accompanied the other two.

     It was low pitched, it was mechanical and it was untiring.  It
was the sound of an electrical appliance being used in the bathroom.

     This had never happened to him before.  Never.  And thanks to
that Seinfeld episode he had been conscientious of the possibility
ever since.

     He had failed to perform in the bedroom.  Or he hadn't measured
up.  Either one was a crushing blow to his ego, but the facts were
undeniable.

     She was in the bathroom using a vibrator because he had passed
out from the alcohol.

     Something crashed to the floor and made him jump at the same time
a loud moan echoed through the door.  He looked back into the inviting
darkness of the bedroom and then into the muted light of the living
room, trying to find a place to hide.

     Maybe if he had a little more to drink, he could completely
forget the events from tonight.  And since he wouldn't be waking up in
her bed tomorrow, he might be able to convince himself it was all just
a dream.  He laid his head back against the cushions and closed his
eyes.

     He knew he was dreaming when the bathroom door opened and she
walked into the living room wearing a robe and with an oblong, white
tube gently vibrating between her lips.

     "Ou awa?" she asked around it.

     "Am I awake?  No."  He didn't appreciate the snort she hadn't
tried to control.  "I'm sorry."

     "Or  ut?"  She turned and headed back to the bathroom.

     "For what?  For ..." he waved his hand to indicate the situation
they found themselves in.  "For petering out," he finally said,
motioning to his lap and then to the hand she still had raised near
her face.  "It was the alcohol," he tried to rationalize and salvage
his wounded pride.

     " Ut?"  She looked confused for a moment and then she convulsed.

     He watched in fascinated horror as she laughed and a trail of
white leaked out from between her lips.  He had never seen anything
like that in one of his videos before.  Maybe it was time to catch up
on his collecting.

     Her other hand came up to catch the stuff before it fell to the
floor.  She continued to laugh, but only harder, as she went back into
the bathroom.

     He stood up to follow, curiosity overriding humiliation.  He felt
his cheeks flame again as she turned the toothbrush off and spit out
the toothpaste.

     "You thought it wasn't good for me, too?"  She laughed again and
held onto the sink to brace herself.

     "Uhm... Yeah."  He frowned as she weaved on her feet and finally
sat down on the toilet, indicating all the booze hadn't left her
system yet either.  Her grip slipped and a small bottle crashed to the
floor while she moaned at the destruction.  At the recently familiar
sound he saw that several other casualties were laid to rest in the
basket by his feet.

     He glared at the toothbrush again, sitting silently on its
charger.  "Is there anymore rum?"

     She waved him away with one arm, the other wrapped around her
stomach while she laughed.

     After retrieving the necessities, he plopped down on the couch
and set the bottle of rum and then the can of Coke in the middle of
the coffee table.  After careful consideration, he added more Coke
than he originally intended, but the ratio of alcohol was still
greater than anything else in the glass.

     "You're going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow."

     "Yeah.  Maybe the pain will blocked this whole thing from my
mind."

     She sat down next to him.  "Not all of it I hope," she said with
an undecipherable twinkle in her eyes.

     There was no way he was going to admit he didn't remember
anything much after the start of the strip scrabble game.  "No.  Not
all of it," he said and took a long drink of his concoction.  He was
still too numb to feel the fiery trail as it blazed its way down his
throat.  Closing his eyes, he settled into the couch that cradled his
butt in a most comforting fashion.

     When they woke up, there really wouldn't be any evidence that
something other than NOTHING had happened.

     Except a half finished game with words of intent spelled out.

     An empty bottle of wine.

     An empty bottle of rum.

     A vague memory of low moans, laughter, and an electric toothbrush.

          * * end * *