From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Repost: Red 1/? Date: 23 Nov 1995 21:59:16 -0500 this ios my second repost of this, i hope it shows up this time. please, someone tell me if it ever gets here. .. later,jessica ;-) Red Part 1 Dana had never met Karen. But she didn't like her. She knew that she had no right to tell Mulder what to do or what kind of person to date, but she really wanted to. She would never dream of inviting herself into Mulder's private life. She had no right to even dislike Karen- she'd never laid eyes on her. Mulder had never told Scully anything about her really. Just things that would pop up. Phone calls that would interrupt conversations when Mulder would casually turn his chair away from Scully and lower his voice so that she could only understand him if she really listened hard. And she didn't want to intrude. Dana had spoken to her on the phone a couple of times- just when she called for Mulder and Scully got to the phone first. And Karen always seemed dejected when Dana answered. It was almost as if she didn't like 'her man' working with another woman. And since Dana had never met Karen, or even heard anything about her other than her name, she had no idea why Mulder was so enthralled with her. Even if she had met Karen, she wouldn't have understood the attraction. Karen was pretty and if she dressed in a certain way and put her make up on just right, she could be beautiful. And she was intelligent. She wasn't built like a supermodel. And she did have a tendency to not use any common sense. The only thing was, she just clicked with Mulder. They liked each other immediately and started spending a lot of their free time together. And it seemed to Scully that Mulder spent a lot of his not-free time thinking about or talking to Karen. And while she was willing to admit that it was none of her business, it bothered her. A lot. She felt like she had to compete for Mulder's attention all the time- even at work. This had to stop. And it had to stop right then. Sighing, Dana picked up the phone. She was going to explain herself to him and then they were going to have a little chat about things. It was the only way she could continue working with him. She'd dialed the first two numbers when she slowly hung the phone back up. No. It would simply not work to call him up, especially when he was with HER, and tell him that she didn't like Karen and she didn't want them spending time together anymore. She wasn't his mother and he wouldn't agree anyway. Not if he was in love with Karen, as she had a sneaking suspicion that he was. Or at least he thought it was love. And it bothered her. And the fact that it bothered her bothered her even more. They were friends and until Karen had come around, that friendship was exclusive. They didn't really have a lot of free time and what they had they usually spent together. They were constantly in contact with each other. But it wasn't overkill. Not with them. They didn't start to get on each other's nerves or anything. Half the time, they ended up on asleep on the other's couch. Their friendship had precluded all the other relationships Dana had and she never felt like she even had the time to date since she spent all her time with Mulder. And she always assumed that he hadn't found the time to date either. But apparently he had. And she'd already grown tired of it. ************************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Repost:Red 2/? Date: 23 Nov 1995 22:27:07 -0500 here we go again- please let me know if this shows up this time!!! later,jessica ;-) Red Part 2 Thinking about how he'd started to ignore her was not exactly how she'd intended to spend the evening. But somehow, whenever she had a moment to herself (which happened more often recently), she ended up thinking that he was not alone and he was most likely not thinking of her. So she st on the couch and channel surfed. For about five minutes. She couldn't understand how some people, Mulder included, could do that for hours. Days, even. Her thoughts threatened to turn back to Karen. And she didn't want that. She was starting to wonder if she spent more time thinking about Karen than Mulder did. She picked up the remote control and flipped on the tv. If for no other reason than to save her sanity, she was not going to watch hours of mind witheringly dull television programs. She was going to do what she'd normally done whenever she wasn't out of town or with Mulder. Or she was going to sit there and try to remember what she did when she wasn't out of town or with Mulder until she fell asleep. In the end, sleep won. Actually, sleep was the answer. That's what she usually did when she wasn't working. On the other hand, Mulder's mind was not on Scully. It was on Karen. They were having dinner in a horribly overpriced restaurant where that waiters called you by name and catered to your every whim. At first, he was put off by the whole thing- a little too contrived for him. But in the end, whether through watching Karen's amusement or because he found it appealing, he found himself enjoying it. He liked not eating in a dinky little dump for once. He liked having the person across the table laugh out-right at his jokes, instead of shooting him an unamused glance while trying desperately not to laugh. He loved the way Karen's eyes lit up when he complimented her. He loved the way she looked down nervously when he stared into her eyes for too long. He loved the way her hair shone when she turned her head. He realized that he was staring at this woman with a hopelessly stupid grin on his face. But he couldn't help it. He was in love. Karen ducked her head and stared at her napkin. She was so nervous. She'd gone out with Fox quite a few times and she was relatively sure that the relationship was completely exclusive, but she was still so nervous around him. She couldn't help but be unnerved by his intensity at times. Sometimes it seemed like he was staring straight through her. And at other times, he seemed like he was in other time zone. But right now, he was definitely staring at her and, even though she liked having his undivided attention, it was starting to bother her. She looked up, prepared to mention the fact. But he had already begun to watch something else. So, she continued to eat her dinner, Mulder doing the same. And they were silent. And it was comfortable. Very comfortable. Mulder didn't care if the rest of the world ended and he stayed right where he was. He wouldn't mind at all. He caught Karen's eye and smiled. Then he raised his glass of wine. "To us." He continued to watch as she looked down again. He was afraid that maybe he'd said the wrong thing and he'd scared her. Then she looked up confidently. "Forever." That night, while she was curled up in a tiny litle ball looking for the warmth her blanket usually provided, Dana dreamt. Perhaps it was because she'd been thinking about him so much lately. Perhaps for entirely different reasons. But Mulder even managed to invade her dreams. The first thing she noticed was the cold. Probably because she was laying on the couch and she didn't have a blanket, her rational mind told her. But the rest of her mind ignored her and told her that she was cold. Very cold. And she was standing by herself outside. It didn't seem like anywhere in particular, at least, not right then. All she knew was that she was alone and she was cold and she was tired. She somehow understood that she could not go to sleep, although that was the only thing she could think of to do right then. She wanted desperately to go to sleep. And suddenly, that was the only thing that mattered to her. She had to go to sleep. But she couldn't. She knew something and if she went to sleep, that knowledge would disappear from existance and never be discovered again. And then she realized that she was no longer alone. Mulder was there. She could feel him, but she couldn't see him. He was behind her. And she began to relax. Then, she felt his arms slip around her waist. She smiled and knew that she really was safe. Now, in his arms, she could sleep. She knew he would prtect her and he would keep her from forgetting whatever it was she needed to know. Just as she felt herself begin to fall asleep, something woke her. Mulder was moving. He no longer had his arms around her. She turned to him to ask what was wrong, but he wasn't looking at her. He didn't even seem to care that she was there. His attention was concentrated on something else. He began to move toward whatever he saw there. She called out to him. He was leaving her and she wanted him to stay. He ignored her. Hoping, praying, that he had simply not heard her, she followed him. But he turned and looked at her. His face was not the face she remembered. He wasn't welcoming her. He wanted her to stay away. She looked again at where he was headed and saw a woman there. She couldn't see anything else. But she knew that Mulder didn't want her there. She began to cry as she walked away. She would not intrude where she was not wanted. Suddenly, it was cold again. And she started to shiver. And the tears continued to roll down her face. And then she heard laughter. When she awoke, she was still crying and shivering. Feeling terrified and abandoned, she hugged her knees into her chest and began to cry harder, knowing for the first time in years that she could not call Mulder to comfort her. She promised herself that she wouldn't fall asleep on the couch anymore, but somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew that the couch had nothing to do with her dream. She had been emotionally abandoned, not intentionally, of course, but that's how it felt to her. The next day, Scully arrived at work a few minutes late, due to oversleeping, and looking like she'd sat up half the night crying. She had, but that was beside the point. When she opened the door, she was relieved to find that Mulder wasn't there yet. For some reason, after the dream she'd had, she just didn't feel like talking to him right away. She poured herself some coffee and began to type up a report that she needed to finish. She looked up absentmindedly when Mulder breezed in. And, yes, breezed was the word. He looked like he was on top of the world. He was pratically glowing. And she wanted to cry all over again. No, he could not be expected to know that she'd had a nightmare and sat up crying, but he could have noticed that she looked like death warmed over. He could have noticed that she had fresh tears not quite dry on her cheeks. But he didn't. He took off his coat and tossed it over the back of his chair. Only then did he think to aknowledge the woman who'd been silently staring at him the whole time. "Morning, Scully." WIthout waiting for a response, he walked over to the coffee machine, poured himself a cup and then returned to his desk. Scully continued to stare at him. He never even noticed that she didn't respond. When the phone rang, she jumped. But she recovered and got to it before Mulder did. She was sorry she had. She was certainly not in the mood to hear from Karen quite so early in the morning. And for some reason, she felt like being mean. So she decided to have a little conversation with her. Nothing like she really wanted to say- she was desperately hoping to get the chance to tell her off- but just enough to make Mulder think the call wasn't for him. After hearing Scully ask the caller how he/she was doing, he was satisfied that it wasn't for him and left the office. Once he'd closed the door, she politely told Karen that Mulder was away from his desk and couldn't be reached right then. Smiling, she though to herself. *Not exactly a lie.* She was disgusted that Karen had to call to let Mulder know she'd made it home safe. Wasn't she an adult? Couldn't she handle driving from Mulder's apartment to her own without any trouble? Fearing where her own train of thought was leading, Scully scrawled down a note for Mulder to inform him that Karen had called. Then, she thought better of it. She dug a 'while you were out' message pad out of her bottom drawer and politely checked all the appropriate boxes. She looked at it for a moment and then she tossed it on his desk. Annoyed that Karen had already managed to ruin her day, she wrote down another note, saying she wasn't feeling well and had decided to go home. Before she left, she took the original note- the one about Karen's call- crumpled it up and then threw it at the garbage can. When Mulder returned, he barely noticed Scully's absence and never realized that he'd tossed the new file on top of the note she'd left him. Then he looked at the phone and proceeded to worry about whether or not Karen had made it home. ****************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Red 3/? Date: 29 Nov 1995 00:41:51 -0500 ok, if i don't hear form someone after this, the story is not going to be finished. this is not to be conveyed as one of those send me email or i'll torture everyone over it, i simply am pointing out that i am not going to spend the time writing and thinking and pushing myself to finish a story that no one is reading anyway, ok? so, if you like this, tell me./ if you hate it, tell me, just spare me the details of why. thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! later,jessica ;-) (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Red Part Three He read over the report for about fifteen minutes before he noticed Scully's absence. He realized that her coat and briefcase were missing as well. Annoyed that she had left without telling him, he searched around his desk, hoping to find a note. And since the file he was reading was so perfectly placed on top of her note, he missed it. But he did see the little ball of pink paper on the floor next to the trash can. Curious, he opened it up and read it. Disbelieving, he read it again. Then he turned it upside down and tried for a third time. And it still said the same thing. It said that Karen had called that morning and Scully had not told him. She'd told Karen that he wasn't there and she'd never intended for him to find out that Karen had called. He couldn't believe it. There was no way that the Scully he'd known for years would do something so mean. Did she want him to sit there all day and worry about Karen? Or did she think that he just wouldn't notice that he hadn't heard from Karen? Did Scully really think he was that self-absorbed? He stared at the paper in his hands for a few more minutes. Then he threw it back in the trash. He didn't understand why she hadn't just written it on a regular piece of paper like they always had before. He pushed it to the back of his mind while he called Karen. He sighed when he got her voice-mail. He'd really wanted to apologize for this morning. For whatever Scully had probably said to her. Sitting at his desk, he didn't understand Scully's behavior. Lately, she'd been rather short with him, rude even. But not telling him that Karen had called was crossing the line. It was one thing if she was mad at him, but she didn't need to lie to him to get her point across. He picked up his jacket off the back of his chair and followed her path to her apartment. They needed to talk and they needed to talk soon. He circled the block, half hoping that her car would not be there. That way, he could rationalize not talking to her. But it was there and there was no chance he could miss it. He parked his own car, but left his hands on the wheel. He had to have a plan before he walked in there and demanded to talk to her. He had to have some idea of what he wanted to say. He could always walk in and announce that he'd found the message from Karen and he was rather annoyed that she hadn't mentioned it. But, somehow, the thought struck him that the mere mention of Karen's name would send her retreating back into the cocoon that, as of late, he was not invited into. He tried to understand what Scully's problem was with Karen. He was pretty sure that it was Karen's presence that had initiated this gradual disassociation between them. Scully was his friend. Nothing more. He cared about her, but he was not in love with her. He did not feel the same way about her that he felt about Karen. His heart didn't flip over in his chest every time he saw her. He was afraid that maybe that was the problem. He could see how Scully would take their relationship differently. Neither of them ever had much contact recently outside of their partnership and so he understood how Scully would resent Karen coming between them. But he had to talk to her. He did care about her- the same way he was sure she cared about him. And if he was right and she did care about him, then she would want him to be happy. And he was happy with Karen. So the only thing he had to do was go to Scully's door and explain it to her. She was intelligent. She'd understand. Slowly, he drug himself up and got out of his car. They'd been friends for years, he should not be scared to talk to her. She was his best friend, after all. He'd steeled himself to talk to her. He was even half prepared for her to slam the door in his face, even though he wasn't sure why she might need to do that. He was not, however. prepared for the sight of Scully curled up in a ball on her couch with tears running down her face. She'd gone home right after leaving the office. And by the time she had reached the car, she had already felt like an idiot. She's acted like a child and that was definitely not going to help the situation at all. She didn't realize that it didn't actually matter anymore. Their relationship had already become so strained that she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him for more than ten minutes. And as she sat in her car, tears began to fall. She'd done what she'd always been afraid of doing: ruined her career over stupid uncontrollable emotions. All the people who had said she couldn't do it had been right. She had ruined the best thing she had going for her. She'd ruined the friendship they had shared. And it wasn't partly his fault. It could all be blamed on her. It was worse than if they had slept together- then at least both of them would have consented and they would have acknowledged that there was something more there. But they hadn't. There was nothing more there. Mulder was in love with Karen and Scully had to admit that she was jealous. And she couldn't talk to him. He wouldn't understand. She didn't understand. Somehow, she managed to drive her car home. She didn't need anyone she worked with to see her slumped over the wheel of her car crying hysterically. Being mortified wasn't going to help the situation either. So, on the drive home, she tried to justify her emotions. She knew that she was jealous of Karen. But why? Was it just the time that she and Mulder had spent together and the time that he used to devote to her that she missed? Or was it something more? Something that had never been addressed previously because it had never seemed so important. Maybe it had never seemed important before because she hadn't been in danger of losing him. As long as neither of them had time to date, she was safe. She didn't have to think about why she didn't really want to date anyone- just spending her time with Mulder was enough for her. She didn't have to deal with him dating someone else. She didn't have to listen to how wonderful his weekend had been and she didn't have to see the happiness written all over his face. But now, she did have to deal with it. Just the night before, she'd been mentally berating him for destroying their work relationship. The destruction of which she was now blaming herself for. And it was remembering how angry she'd been at him over it, realizing that he must be at least that angry with her over it, that made her practically fall onto her couch in tears when she got home. She hadn't bothered to close the door because she really hadn't cared at that point who came in. Not as long as it wasn't the person who actually did come in. ****************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW!!! Red 4/? Date: 6 Dec 1995 22:51:22 -0500 before anyone else throws a hissy fit because they have a temper problem, i'm going to finish this because i've gotten lots and lots of wonderful glowing feedback (took me three hours to get through my mail this morning) and i thought i'd reward you with part four!!!!!!!! aren't you lucky? well, if you want part five, tell me. if you don't tell me, i might feel compelled to start a mailing list liike everyone else and then i'll know exactly who to bug for comments... later,jessica ;-) (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Red Part Four So now, Mulder was faced with what seemed like the biggest dilemma he'd ever encountered. Standing awkwardly in the doorway, he began to rethink his decision to talk to her. Here she was, curled up in a ball on her couch, with obviously no intention of having to talk to anyone. Most probably, not him. He shifted back and forth between his feet, trying to decide what to do. He could still leave. She hadn't seen him and she was too wrapped up in herself at that moment to really notice what was going on. Besides, she was face down on the couch with her face buried in a throw pillow. He bit his lip and made his decision. He took a deep breath and stepped forward. He was about to clear his throat and announce himself, when the sobs became even more pronounced. Her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. And he acted without thinking. He made no more attempts to draw attention to himself. The sobs had actually started to subside when it finally hit her. She knew why she was so upset that Mulder was finally happy. She knew why she had such a problem with the mere existence of Karen. She was completely and totally in love with him. And Mulder would never understand. And now that she knew, she couldn't ever face him again. So, she let herself begin to shake and allowed herself to be completely hysterical for a few brief seconds. It was when he reached out and put his arms around her that she stiffened. She turned her head to the side to get a better look at him. Once her horror was confirmed- that it was actually Mulder who had pulled her off the couch and into his lap, she recoiled as if she'd been slapped. She was afraid that he might actually slap her for her irrevocable actions. She was so mad at herself that she automatically assumed that he would be that mad at her as well. And it only confirmed her suspicions when he abruptly pulled away and stood up. She didn't know that he'd only pulled away because of her reaction. He was sure that she'd thought he was someone else and it disturbed him. Now there was going to be yet another wall between them. He walked back to the door and was almost outside when he stopped. He couldn't leave. He couldn't leave her. She'd always been there for him and had never once turned her back on him. He had to return the favor. He wanted to return the favor. He looked at her-still on the floor, now hugging her knees to her chest- and realized that she wasn't crying quite so hard anymore. And when he slid down next to her on the floor, but not daring to touch her again. At least not yet. He could see that she wasn't crying at all anymore. She was mortified. She couldn't believe that she'd let him see her like that. She couldn't believe that he'd followed her. She couldn't believe he'd cared enough to bother. But she was just glad that he was leaving so she could hide herself until the next day when she was planning on asking for a transfer. She'd go anywhere and do anything, just as long as she wouldn't have to work with him and look at how happy he was and know that she was never going to be that happy. She was willing to work as the janitor- only so long as she never had to set foot in the basement ever again. And if Mulder tried to stop her, all she needed to do was tell him what she'd realized and then he surely never want anything to do with her ever again, either. She'd fixed her gaze on a potted plant in the windowsill. It had been her favorite at one time, but it had gone without water a few times too many and had finally given in and died. She'd tried to bring it back to life. She'd repotted it and given it special plant food and even resorted to talking to it every once in a while. And suddenly, she had the third great realization of the day. Neither she nor the plant was coming back to life. While she was staring at the dilapidated vegetation, her mind registered Mulder's presence reassert itself and sit down beside her. But she made no moves to acknowledge him. Maybe if she pretended to not be there enough, she'd just vanish. Hey-anything was possible. He had expected a response when he sat down. After about two minutes, he'd gotten tired of waiting. He touched her shoulder lightly, afraid she'd jump again and close him out even further. But she didn't move. He couldn't even be sure that she knew he was even there. He'd have to say something. It was when he opened his mouth to speak that he remembered that he'd hadn't yet figured out what he was going to say. He'd been hoping that she would just open up to him and tell him what she wanted him to do. Then he could do it. It would be easy then. But she wasn't helping. He was starting to wonder if maybe she was just trying to give him a hard time. But as he stared at her tear stained face, fairly bursting with heart-broken misery, he knew that this was real and she wasn't doing it on purpose. Whatever was upsetting her was very real. He shut his mouth and figured that since she wasn't making any moves to go anywhere, then he could take another minute to gather his thoughts. And then the phone rang. Not Scully's. Mulder's cellular. And it was Karen. Not being in the best position to talk right then, and knowing that Karen was part of whatever was going on, he tried to extricate himself from the call quickly. But Karen was just too damned glad to have reached him to understand. He raised his voice, something he didn't do very often to get Karen's attention. And he received Scully's as well. Unfortunately, it wasn't the best idea to get Scully's attention. "KAREN! I'll call you later." After he said it, Karen practically slammed the phone down on him. And then dead silence reigned. Until all hell broke loose. ****************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Red 5/? FINALLY! Date: 4 Jan 1996 04:36:43 -0500 yeah, i know, it's been a while... but with christmas and several serious emotional entanglements, i was rather busy. and then, there were, of course, the other four stories that i'm working on which distract me and then all i manage to do is get really behind all of them you guys all know the drill, send me comments because they fuel my ego enough to finish stories. even knowing that one person out there wants to know what happens helps!!!!!!talk to me! i'm lonely. and as melissa can tell you, i've been screwed over very recently, so any ewncouragement would be greatly appreciated... now that i'm done sobbing to you guys (thanks, you're all really great for listening) here is the long awaited and most likely forgotten continuation of red. probably will be concluded in part six. well, i can dream, can't i? comments accepted and flames cried over and analyzed to death... also hereby disclaimed later, jessica ;-) (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Red Part Five He hadn't even been able to disconnect his phone when Scully turned on him. The fear and misery in her eyes had been replaced with hatred. She ripped the phone out of his hand and threw it across the room. "Can't she wait until you get off work or does she have to talk to you every God-damned minute of the day?" She was absolutely furious. It was hard enough realizing that you were in love with your best friend and knowing that he was in love with someone else and knowing that you had just embarrassed yourself quite thoroughly, but having the person that your best friend was actually in love with call not even five minutes after you've figured it out is just a little more than the average person can handle. Half afraid that he would try to touch her, half afraid that she wanted him to touch her, she got up from the floor and stood next to the dead plant. Suddenly filled with a thorough loathing for the pathetic thing, she opened the window and tossed the plant into the street. Pleased with the noise when the pot met the street, she smiled. Mulder was still sitting on the floor in front of the couch trying to understand what he was seeing. Unfortunately, it seemed to him like Scully had taken a few fateful steps off the deep end. She was looking out the window at the flower pot, now shattered in the middle of the street, and laughing. Just as suddenly as she had started the round of obsessive behavior, she stopped. She shut the window and looked back at a thoroughly confused Mulder sitting on her floor. She didn't know what the correct thing was to say to him. She looked at the floor for a couple of minutes and then faced him. Just when she had summoned up the courage to say something, he stood up, making her lose her nerve once again. He'd only stood up because he was sure that the altitude change might give him a good idea for what to say. But he was wrong. He used her silence to mentally review the situation. He came to the conclusion that perhaps an apology was called for. And he assumed it was his apology that was called for. And unfortunately, he decided to offer that apology at the exact same time as Scully gathered up her strength to speak. . This time, Scully gave up. She'd tried to explain herself twice, but it just didn't seem to be working. She sighed and met his gaze. There was nothing she could say to explain it anyway. What on earth could she say? I'm sorry that I was rude to your girlfriend, but I'm hopelessly in love with you and I just don't like her very much for taking you away from me. Yeah, that might sum up how she was feeling, but she didn't think that he would react to that very well. Hell, who knew? He cleared his throat, hoping that she'd remember what she was going to say, therefore sparing him the trouble of having to formulate a coherent thought. But she remained silent, staring at him. "Scully, I'm not really sure what exactly is going on here-" Scully shook her head and let out an exasperated sigh. For a genius, Mulder could be really stupid at times. She couldn't think of a way she could be more obvious. The only thing left to do was to tell him directly and she was not going to do that. That was a last resort that she would not succumb to. He tried again. Maybe he was missing his cue here. "I'll make sure that Karen doesn't call me at work anymore. Is that acceptable?" He couldn't hide the sarcasm in his voice. There was something that he was supposed to say, but she wouldn't tell him what it was and he didn't feel like playing guessing games. Scully nodded. She wasn't going to tell him. She couldn't tell him if she ever wanted him to look her in the eye again. And even with their relationship as strained as it was, it still existed. There was still hope. "I'm sorry I overreacted. I just think that the phone in our office should be used for business calls. It always has been in the past." Nothing like fighting sarcasm with sarcasm. Besides, even Dana Scully didn't have the nerve to tell him the truth. They continued to stare at each other for a few more minutes before they both accepted that the conversation was over. Scully had done nothing more than make herself even more miserable, if that was possible, and had managed to ruin one of her plants. As for Mulder, he was even more confused than he had been going in. Yes, he was now sure that the problem was Scully's obvious distaste for Karen, but he'd already known that. He'd never seen Scully overreact like that to anything in the entire time he'd known her. So he quietly left the building before anything else could happen. Once he got to his car, he realized that all he'd achieved was getting both Scully and his girlfriend mad at him. Knowing that there was no hope of fixing things with Scully immediately, he pointed his car in the general direction of Karen's apartment. He could fix things there. Some rarely used part of his mind asked him if he really wanted a relationship where, no matter was the offense was, everything could be set straight with a hug and a kiss and a promise not to do it again, but he relentlessly buried that thought as he pulled over at a roadside stand and bought a bouquet of roses. Sometimes it was just easier to spend time with the simple relationship. It was a lot less taxing than the ones where he had to work whenever something went wrong. Again he ignored his brain when it mentioned to him that he'd never backed away from a challenge before. An hour later, he was on the phone trying to make reservations at a very overrated restaurant because Karen had suggested that she'd like to eat there. And Karen was in the kitchen filling up a vase and arranging her flowers, smiling with pride at how easily she'd been able to win him over. Unfortunately, neither of them knew that Scully had made reservations two weeks earlier for the same restaurant for the same night with her mother. And so, the confrontation really was inevitable. The last thing Mulder wanted was another confrontation. He'd already had two; both with people he liked. While fighting with people that he didn't like was an interesting, sometimes fun, pastime, arguing with his friends tired him out. But he had to take Karen to dinner. It was the only way to get one of the arguments forgiven. The other one, well, he was just going to have to deal with Scully. They were going to have to talk some other time and make another attempt at working this problem out. He certainly wasn't about to break up with his girlfriend because Scully didn't like her. As they walked in the door of the restaurant, Mulder pushed Scully to the back of his mind and decided to devote all of his attention to Karen, who had managed to make herself look absolutely ravishing. Forgetting about Scully was not going to be a problem. Karen was simply enthralled at the fact that he had been able to get them reservations for that night. The place was every bit as beautiful inside as she'd heard and she was thrilled that they were there together. She turned back to look at him, merely to beam at him and express her gratitude. Margaret had arrived early, as usual, however Dana was not yet there. So, Margaret was waiting in the lobby, looking forward to having a quiet meal with her daughter. She was slightly surprised to see Fox, but she was still pleased. She liked Fox and was growing happier by the minute that they'd come together. As she walked toward them, she began speaking, not realizing until too late that the petite redhead with Fox Mulder was not actually her daughter. "Dana, I didn't know you were bringing-" She stopped when Karen turned to look at her. This was definitely not her daughter. Yes, she looked a lot like her, but it was not her. Margaret felt her face turning red, and saw Fox's do the same. Karen bit her lip. She had no idea what was going on. She assumed the Dana in question was the one Fox worked with, but why had this woman thought that she was Dana? It took him a minute to recover from the shock of seeing Margaret Scully, but Mulder was able to recover his composure and introduce the two women who were now staring at each other. "Margaret, this is my girlfriend, Karen. Karen, Margaret Scully- Dana's mother." Margaret politely smiled and shook Karen's outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry I interrupted you-it's just that you look a lot like my Dana from back there." She motioned to the other side of the room and smiled at Fox. She gracefully nodded and walked back to where she'd previously. Margaret wasn't sure what to think about the fact that Fox's girlfriend looked like Dana, but she wasn't going to let her shock show through. The more time passed, the more upset she got with Fox. What was he thinking, going out with that Dana look-alike? And she smiled to herself as she imagined Fox trying to explain to Karen that she looked like the partner he was *just friends* with... While Dana had mentioned that Fox had a girlfriend, Margaret seriously doubted that she'd ever met Karen. Certainly, Dana would not forget to mention that... And when she saw Dana walk in, she grew extremely apprehensive about going into the dining room. Dana had taken care to get herself fixed up. She was even more careful than she normally was with her make -up and had been very picky while she decided what to wear. Her mother would know instantly if she looked upset. And she just couldn't see explaining to her mother that she'd figured out that she was in love with Mulder and was rather jealous of his girlfriend. The last thing she wanted right now was pity. So, she'd go see her mom and pretend to be completely comfortable with everything. Maybe her mother would notice she was lying through her teeth. Maybe not. Based on other lies she'd told growing up, she'd had slightly less than a 50/50 chance of getting away with it. She knew she was a few minutes late, but she could blame that on traffic. She smiled when she saw her mother. If nothing else, this night would be interesting. Margaret took stock of Dana's appearance as she entered. Dana was obviously dressed up, hoping not to look like she'd taken as long as she had to get dressed. *And she's going to tell me that traffic was bad.* Margaret plastered a wide grin on her face that gradually turned into a real smile as she embraced Dana. It nothing else, this night would prove to be interesting. ***************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW:Red 6/6 Date: 8 Jan 1996 04:29:32 -0500 yes, it's finished. now i've written this so that the next time i sign on, everyone will have written to me. now that's the plan. you see, a record breaking 27 inches of snow has fallen around here in the blizzard of '96 and i can't even tell where the ground ends and my car begins. i'm trapped in my mother's house with no hope of any freedom because neither of our jobs are so pressing as to warrant going out in this. so my only outlet is my computer... and for those of you who care, and i know there are a few, the teddy bear is healing nicely, he has nightmares every now and again, but as long as i don't feed him any fruit, he doesn't zone out. unfortunately, it's got the rest of the aminals (yes, that's aminals) stirred up because i'm keeping them on a healthy diet. because i want the junk food and you don't want to be locked in a room with fifty stuffed aminals high on sugar. trust me, you don't... ok, so i'm getting a little carried away. but since one of the other patients overdosed by taking all of the drugs left in the hospital, there are none for the doctors to give me. so my hallucinations are free to run wild.... now on with the story... and consider this disclaimed if mulder and scully were mine, they'd be married with kids by now. later,jessica ;-) (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Red Part Six Margaret tried to look around the restaurant casually as they were led to their table. Dana noticed her looking around, obviously looking for someone. As far as she knew, it was just supposed to be the two of them. "Mom, who are you looking for? Are we meeting someone here?" Margaret looked at Dana, nervous that she'd given something away. "No. I was just looking around." Just as they were about to sit down, Margaret spied Fox. She abruptly took the chair that Dana was about to sit in. "Dana, why don't you sit on that side. There's a better view over there." Margaret had taken the chair with a perfect view of Fox and Karen. She hadn't wanted Dana to have to watch them all night. Dana just shrugged and took the other seat. She'd never seen her mother act so strangely in her life, but the seat was not worth arguing over. She began looking over the menu, not noticing the Margaret wasn't even vaguely interested in the menu. Margaret was too busy watching Fox look around the room, hoping to see Margaret and Dana. When their eyes met, Margaret smiled politely and picked up her menu. Every few minutes throughout the meal, Margaret would stare at them until she feared it was getting too obvious to Dana. She watched as Fox shifted his chair so that if Dana was to look over, then she wouldn't be able to see his face. Margaret wanted to laugh. He blatantly hadn't consciously realized how much Karen looked like Dana and was now afraid of what would happen if Dana found out. Dana tried to ignore the fact that her mother was so enthralled with something else. Usually her mother was a captive audience. But not tonight. Tonight her mother was centered on about anything that wasn't Dana. "Mom! Have you heard anything I've said all night?" She quickly growing bored with having to prompt her mother to nod or smile. Margaret glanced at her daughter and then went back to watching Fox and Karen. "Of course, I'm listening, honey." She didn't notice when Dana tossed her napkin on the table and excused herself. Margaret wasn't at all concerned until she realized that Dana would have to come back to the table. Surely after working with him for three years, she would recognize Fox from the back. And then she watched, horrified as Karen excused herself, and headed off in the same direction as Dana. Mulder chose that moment to glance back at Margaret. His jaw dropped open and his eyes widened when he realized that Karen and Dana were going to run into each other. Then he turned back around and buried his face in his hands. How could he explain to Karen that they had to stay in the restaurant until Dana and Margaret left. No matter how good-natured she'd been about it, he knew that Karen had questions about what had happened. He could answer those questions. It was the questions Scully would have that he was afraid of facing. How had he managed to not notice how much Karen had looked like Scully? Dana stared at her reflection in the mirror. She pushed her hair back from her face. Then she pulled it back down. It didn't look right. And her mother was so bored that she wouldn't even look at her. Why was everything going so miserably for her? She splashed so water on her face and was in the process of drying herself off when a loud clatter distracted her. In the sink in front of her was someone else's lipstick. She picked it up and handed it to the woman and didn't notice that the woman was also a petite redhead. And as she walked out of the bathroom, she never noticed that the woman was staring open-mouthed at her retreating form. Of course Karen had recognized her. How many short redheaded women could possibly be in the same restaurant at the same time? And she was so enraged at Fox for not mentioning this and nervous that Dana would recognize her that she couldn't hold her hands steady as she applied her lipstick. And her hand was shaking as Dana handed back to her. Since Dana hadn't looked up, Karen had the perfect opportunity to study her and realize that Dana's mother had been absolutely correct in mistaking Karen for Dana. She was surprised Fox hadn't made the same mistake. And then she realized that he had. The evening when they met in the crowded bar and he'd said "Don't I know you from someplace?" She had assumed that it was just a come on, but perhaps he'd actually thought it was Dana... She felt a lump form in her throat and watched in the mirror as tears sprang to her eyes. She'd thought this was too good to be true. She'd been afraid that he was too good to be true. And he was. She was just a replacement for his partner. She wiped the tears away and decided that if he was that big of a jerk, then he wasn't worth crying over. A cruel thought occurred to her and she started to smile. He was using her. So she'd get even. As she made her way back to the table, she was sure her face would break if her smile was any wider. Mulder was too busy ducking his head when Scully reappeared to notice the demented grin on Karen's face. He hadn't come to any conclusions about why he was dating someone that looked just like Dana, but he had become certain that Dana could not find out about this. Things were already bad enough between them. And by choosing to focus on something else, he could avoid having to understand what he'd done. Yes, he had thought it was Scully when he'd met her in the bar that night, but four people had come up to him thinking they knew him. People made mistakes like that all the time. Didn't they? When Dana returned, Margaret could tell that she must not have run into Karen. Otherwise she would have mentioned something. They ordered some dessert and attempted to have a conversation. But Margaret was still too engrossed in the soap opera called Mulder's Life. So Dana stopped trying and chose instead to push the pie around on her plate. Eventually, Margaret started eating her dessert and didn't look up as Karen and Fox got up form the table. Karen headed directly for their table, ignoring Fox as he tried to lead her in another direction. She stopped next to the table and plastered her I'm-getting-even smile on her face. She watched with glee as both Dana and Margaret looked first at her and then at Fox. She watched all the color drain out of Dana's face before she spoke. "I just wanted to say good night. It was so nice meeting you, Mrs. Scully." Margaret felt Dana's pained expression turn towards her. Apparently, everyone knew about this except for Dana. Karen turned towards Dana, felt Fox put his hand on her back in an attempt to push her forward. "You must be Dana." She offered her hand and let it drop when Dana didn't move. "I'm Karen. I believe we've talked on the phone a few times." Hearing a lull in the speech, Dana looked between Karen and Mulder. She didn't believe this. How could he date that woman? And upon meeting Dana, didn't Karen feel the slightest bit used? She stared directly into Mulder's eyes until he looked down. Before allowing anyone else a chance to talk, she stood up, nearly knocking over her chair. She looked at her mother and Karen and excused herself. Then she looked at Mulder and heard her own voice speaking very loudly, drawing the attention of almost everyone in the place. "How dare you? I can't believe you!" Then, half embarrassed for the outburst, and half afraid she was going to start crying, she turned and stormed out the front door. Mulder looked at Karen, who didn't appear the slightest bit upset, and then at Margaret. Without another word, he chased Scully outside. Karen waited until he had left before apologizing to Margaret. Karen walked to the front desk and called a cab. Margaret quickly paid the check and left the restaurant. Both of them walked out the door without looking back. When Karen's cab came, tears were falling and she wished she'd decked Fox in front of everyone. And as she drove away, Margaret hoped that this hadn't caused a permanent rift in their relationship. By the time Mulder caught up to her, Scully was already at her car. Unfortunately, the tears were blurring her vision and she couldn't see which key she was using. Obviously, it wasn't the right one because it wouldn't open the door. But instead of trying a different, she tossed the keys on the roof and buried her face in her crossed arms. She couldn't stop crying even though she couldn't understand why she was crying. Yes,, she had just acknowledged her feelings for him, and she had known that he was dating someone. But it hurt to see that the person he was dating could easily be mistaken for her. It was apparent to her that he liked her looks, but not her personality. So he went out and found someone who looked like her but that he liked more. She heard footsteps approaching and figured it was her mother. "Go away! I don't want to talk to anyone." She waited for footsteps leading away from her. But none came. "Please, Mom. You can't explain why he did it, so don't bother. Just leave me alone." Mulder stepped forward and reached out for her. Then he dropped his arm to his side. She most likely didn't want him to touch her. And he had no idea what say. But he'd never intended to hurt her. And he knew she was hurting. And he knew it was his fault. Of course she'd be jealous of Karen. He'd gone from spending every waking moment with her to only spending working hours with her. And he'd been spending less and less time actually at work. And he understood that Scully would be upset that Karen looked a lot like her. He supposed that subconsciously that was why he'd ignored Karen's multiple requests to meet Scully. He had to say something to her. At least to let her know that she was talking to him and not her mother. Although he thought there was a chance that she might kill him. He could always walk away and leave her alone, like she claimed to want. Well, he could always let her know that it was him, then she'd tell him to leave and not have to worry about thinking up something to say. "Scully." He listened to hear take a deep breathe. She was probably going to scream at the top of her lungs for him to get lost. "What." Maybe he had a legitimate explanation. She desperately hoped that he had a legitimate explanation. He just stared at her. Luckily, her head was still buried in her hands. She wasn't supposed to want to talk to him. She was supposed to get mad and yell and scream and throw things and send him away without listening to what he had to say. Unfortunately, she would not be predictable. And he had also not counted on her being unpredictable. So he was stuck with her actually wanting to hear what he had to say. And he had nothing to say. Somehow he found that he somehow deserved it. After a few minutes of silence, she lifted her head up and turned to look at him. He looked genuinely sorry. But it wasn't going to make up for everything. She didn't think he could make up for anything. She just stared back at him. And she realized that he hadn't been planning on saying anything. She wiped the tears off her face, pulled herself together and retrieved her keys off the top of her car. "Look, I'm going to go home and pretend this never happened." She looked at her keyring and selected the correct key. "And I suggest you do the same. Unless you think there's anything you can possibly to say to Karen." She got in the car and started it up. Mulder made no moves to say or do anything to stop her. He hadn't counted on her being rational. She took one more look at him before driving away. And staring after her car, he couldn't help but think that his whole life was driving away from him. He slowly walked to his car and drove home. But once he was there, he couldn't get out of the car. He just sat there and tried to understand what had happened and what exactly was going on in his head. His mind would not let him forget the overwhelmed expression on her face as she comprehended that Karen looked just like her. Or her tear streaked face when she looked at him, waiting for his explanation. After what he had done, she'd still had enough faith in him to think there was an explanation. And he was only sure of one thing. He knew exactly why he'd kept seeing Karen. He'd known the whole time that she looked like Scully. And he had wanted for a long time to give into his feelings for Scully. But he could never act on them. All because of the simple reason that finally made sense to him. Even if Scully did, for some bizarre reason, want to become involved with him, he would never let her. He let his head fall forward until it was resting on the steering wheel and let the tears fall freely. And he hated himself for having to hurt her before he could grasp the concept that had suddenly seemed to become crystal clear. He just didn't deserve her. And he never would. ************************************************************** ok, as long as you all write to me, i will be too busy reading your comments and responding to them to write anymore inane (or insane) rambles... please write to me! later,jessica ;-) (jzyvarek@udel.edu) ########################################################### i don't know and i don't care if i ever will see you again i don't know and i don't care if i ever will be there (lisa loeb- do you sleep) if we weren't all crazy, we would go insane (jimmy buffet-changes in latitudes,changes in attitudes) you belong somewhere you feel free (tom petty- wildflowers) you're not too tired for this life and it's not going to matter if you fall down twice (lisa loeb-snow day) ###########################################################