From: leighcia@hotmail.com
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1999 20:56:00 GMT
Subject: The Red and the Black Story 1

Title of Series: The Red and the Black Title of Story: Mulder, It's Not Me
Author: Leighcia Feedback: leighcia@hotmail.com Website:
http://listen.to/thedark Rating: PG Category: Story, a lot of angst Spoilers:
GETHESMANE Keywords: Character death Distribution: Anywhere, please tell me
where. Story Summary: What if Mulder really did die in Gethesmane?? A
Scully-centered story. Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine!! But the
storys mine!!! What!! You want to claim rights over this story. You can't
do that!! It's mine, give it back!! Give it back!! ::bloody fistfight::
Author's Note: The Red and the Black is a series of stories that are to be
read in order but can be read as individual stories as long as you have read
the one preceeding it.

Story 1: Mulder, It's Not Me
leighcia@hotmail.com

The bloody face. The self inflicted-wound. The funeral. It was all too much
too quickly. Mulders belief was unstable. Strong at times, weak and easily
altered at other times. The weaker his belief the weaker his spirit or maybe
it worked the other way round. Scully had already taken two days off work
since Mulders death. She just never felt the same afterward. Of course, you
werent suppose to feel the same after someone you love suddenly walks away.
Except for Scully, it felt worse. It wasnt as though just some close and
perhaps only friend of her died but she felt as though part of her, part of
her spirit had fallen, collapsed and died as well. Time would heal wounds,
Scully reassured herself only to figure out time couldnt resurrect the
dead. The next day, Scully appeared for work. She would have to get on with
her life. She sat silently and still in the basement office. The smell of
Mulders cheap cologne lingered in the office as if his soul found it hard
to die. Hard to leave the x-files and the Truth still unknown. Scully opened
a filing cabinet and took out a folder marked Fox Mulder. He was an
x-file. And everything he believed in. Before Scully got a chance to really
look at the file, she received a call from Skinner to go up to his office.
Scully entered Skinners room with caution. She couldnt be too sure of
anything anymore. Dana, said Skinner gently. Scully nodded uneasily.
Dana, I know this wont be easy for you, said Skinner, but I want you
to read the x-file on Samantha Mulder. Theres also an x-file secretly
opened for Fox Mulder you might want to take a look at too. I dont want
to do anything that has to do with Mulder and his life, said Scully, in
denial of her feelings, I want to try and move on. I dont want to linger
on this anymore. But Dana, said Skinner. Its Scully, she said.
Scully, this is important to the x-files. The x-files was Mulders
work, not mine. I dont, I dont even want to work on the x-files anymore.
Not when Im working alone. You wont be working alone, said Skinner,
Ive arranged a new partner for you. Okay, can I meet him? said
Scully uneasily, unsure of how she would accept a new person. Or how the new
person would accept her. No, I dont think youre ready for that, said
Skinner, Not until youre finished reading through the files. Lets say
your new partner is no more than an old relation. Who is it? said
Scully all of a sudden. Names racing through her head but none came to her
mind. Skinner said nothing and looked down back to his work.  Scully
understood the message and left the office. She returned silently to her
office. Silently, other than the monotonous clicking of her high heel shoes.
Mulders I want to believe poster greeted Scully as she entered the
familiar and lonely surrounding. I want to believe, thought Scully, that this
is just a dream. Scully sat down in front of the desk. The Fox Mulder file
still lying intact on the table. A couple sharpened pencils nobody ever
bothered to use on the side. Mulder's closed laptop was on the desk. The
battery life probably drained from overuse. There were several pages on
Mulders file. The first one had vital statistics: age, height- nothing
Scully did know already. The next page was the important stuff. Why he was an
x-file. Does this really matter, Scully thought all of sudden, hes dead.
She wanted to explode, not in tears, but in anger and insanity. Everything
was so fake and artificial. The funeral with the sorry sighs and the sorry
tears. Nobody but her could really care for as crazy a man as Mulder. Thats
because Im crazy, resolved Scully. Yes, Im crazy, said Scully aloud
holding back her tears. She hadnt cried since Mulders death. Crying was a
sign of weakness and she wanted to be strong. Strong in front of him but was
he here? Im ok, reassured Scully to herself, snapping out of her almost
trance- like state. Scully wanted to meet her own problem. The more time she
spent with herself, the sicker she got of her own company. Scully was
beginning to understand why Mulder would want to leave this world. He lost
his faith in everything he believed in. Scully lost faith in Mulder, the only
person she ever trusted. At least it would be easier for me, thought Scully,
because nobody cares for me. Scully suddenly jumped up and ran out of the
Hoover building ignoring everyone who was trying to stop her. Her life was
flashing before her eyes. Twenty minutes later, dazed and confused, Scully
arrived home. The more painful, the more guilt they will feel, Scully
reassured. Scully undressed and put on a nightgown. She washed her face,
brushed her teeth and tidied her hair. Scully wanted to look like this was
all prepared. Everything was ready. Scully sat in the bath, full of water,
with her nightgown soaking wet. She had a knife, a plain kitchen knife, in
her trembling hand. I can still turn back now, thought Scully, If there was
anything worth going back for. Scully closed her eyes and rested her weary
self for a moment. It's now or never, thought Scully and closed her eyes and
she swiftly brought the knife onto her left wrist. The cut was long and deep.
When she opened them, a small but steady stream of blood started trickling
down her hand and staining the bath water. It was painful but nothing
compared to the turmoil she felt from within. Scully stared at the red, her
blood, and stared at the black, her desire. What did she really want out of
this life? Could she really follow in Mulder footsteps? Would Mulder accept
this? Would he want her to do this? Scully sighed. A line would have to be
drawn, by herself, by the only courage she had left. Scully stepped out of
the bathtub and reached for the first aid door hung on the back of her
bathroom door. She could save herself. If I can save you, let me, thought
Scully, recalling her own words. My mother gave me life and Mulder gave my
life meaning, now I will give myself the strength to live. After stopping the
blood and putting on some bandages, Scully picked up a framed photo of Mulder
by her bedside. He was so still and quiet, unlike the Mulder she grew so
attached to. He had his glasses on, looking attentively down at a pile of
papers. There was no smile to be seen in that picture but Scully managed to
let out a bitter smile as a tear lingering in her eye finally found the
courage to leave its home. It landed on the picture and glided down,
landing on the floor, disappearing. The next day, Scully arrived in
Skinners office, although she was still a little queasy from the loss of
blood of the day before. She lied and said she read the files. Scully was
eager to meet her new partner. Are you sure youre ready, said Skinner.
Yes, sir, said Scully. Skinner left the room for a few moments before he
came back and said, Dana Scully, this is your new partner, Alex Krycek.

THE END!!
Feedback is devoured greedily at leighcia@hotmail.com
Sequel is the Red and the Black Story 2: "Take me with you"