From: Deborah Ryder <pdryder@earthlink.net>
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1998 12:55:57 -0700
Subject: My Kingdom For A Photomat

Disclaimer:  The X-Files, Mulder, Scully and Skinner do not belong to me.  They 
belong to Fox, 1013, DD, GA, MP and of course, CC.  No infringement is intended.  
No money has exchanged hands.  Elvis has left the building.

Classification: SRH, UST Drenched MSR - Go with it.

Rating:  PG-13, perhaps R for harsh language

Spoilers:  Vague reference to Never Again.  Healthy spoiler for The End and The 
X-Files: Fight the Future

Distribution:  Yes, with my name attached.  Just let me know where so I can come 
visit you.  I'll bring cookies!  


Summary:  Scully gets really, really - no, I mean really mad.  Mulder gets a 
facelift, manually.  Walter Skinner gets an eye-full.  And somewhere, a Photomat 
attendant is in a fetal position in the corner of his booth.


Author's Note:  I'd kill for a Ding Dong, right now. 


Disclaimer Addendum:  Fox Mulder's hair was not harmed in any way during
the course of this tale.  Stunt hair was used even though David Duchovny
insisted that he could handle it.  Dana Scully's colorful vocabulary is courtesy 
of her family branch of the U.S. Navy.





**************************************************
The Red Bulb Diaries or My Kingdom for a Photomat


By  PD   

**************************************************





The door to Fox Mulder's office flew open, slammed into the wall and in stormed 
Dana Scully.  Apparently, he deduced with frightening perceptiveness, that 
something was bothering her although she was not in disarray.  Her clothes did 
not speak to a tussle with the criminal element or otherwise.  Her hair was in 
perfect order, with the exception of a lock hanging
a little out of whack over the right side of her face.  That was it.  It
was her face.  That was what gave her away.  Okay, nearly flinging the door off 
its hinges was a dead giveaway, as well.  But it was her face that really showed 
her - anger?  Too innocuous a word for how she obviously felt.  Murderous crept 
closer to the actual emotion.  Mulder studied her blazing eyes and the flaring 
of her nostrils as she tried to consume enough oxygen to fuel her anger to an 
even greater depth.  She was pissed and
she didn't want to lose it.  Mulder knew her in this state.  It scared the shit 
out of him.  Dana Scully, when she was really, really angry was a
demon out of the Bowels of Hell.

God help me.

"What's wrong, Scully?"

"Goddamn fucking assholes at the fucking film processing lab lost my goddamn 
fucking film!  Again!!"

"Oh.  Sorry."

Dana stalked further into the room and with a substantial overhand swing
of her arm, flung her briefcase onto the surface of Mulder's desk with a
resounding WHUMP!.


"Fucking idiots...  Our whole trip, plus all the pictures of Bill and Tara's 
baby..."  She was alternately venting at him and muttering to herself=2E  
"Fucking stupid idiotic - All those pictures we took down by the water - the old 
fisherman right out of The Saturday Evening - fucking idiotic asinine - and the 
old woman at the fruit stand with the - the - the thing with her -" 


Dana growled her frustration with a concise, to the point, "Arrrrrr!  Those 
idiots!  All of it, Mulder.  Gone."

"I'm - "

"And then they had the nerve to offer me a free roll of film and a certificate 
for developing and double prints."

"I don't know what to say.  I'm sorry."

Dana plopped down on the edge of Mulder's desk and breathed deeply.  After a 
moment, she leaned close to him, looked him squarely in the eye and said, "I 
want to kill."

"Scully," he ventured bravely.  "Are the pictures -"

"No pictures, Mulder.  None.  They are lost.  Forever."

"Okay, the loss of the pictures - is that all that's wrong?"

Dana glared at him.  In Mulder's mind, he was now being drawn, quartered, gutted 
and hung out by his balls.  Still, out of some senseless act of concern for her 
state of mind, he continued.

"I mean, there's something else wrong, isn't there?  Dana, did something
else happen?"

She leaned over him, her face not two inches from his.  Her blue eyes pierced 
his green.  She had "Lobotomy.  Now." written all over her face.  Mulder had 
never been so frightened in his life.

"Something else?  *Fox*?"

Mulder gulped. 


"No, there is nothing else.  Fox."

"Okay, okay.  I'm sorry.  I just thought - I'm sorry.  Don't get mad.  I
mean madder than you are.  I mean, of course, stay mad if you need - I mean if 
you want to, but just -- I'm sorry.  I'm sorry about the pictures.
 I'm just sorry.  Don't hurt me."  Dana squinted at him.  Mulder cringed.  "Did 
I say that out loud?"

Dana's eyes seemed to soften.  She reached out to him and from his brow to the 
crown of his head, ran her fingers soothingly through his hair.  When she had a 
good, solid handful, she squeezed and yanked him closer.  Not enough to rip his 
locks out by the roots, but just enough to give him a minor facelift.  He looked 
ten years younger.

"It was your vacation, too, Mulder."

Mulder looked up at her through the slits of his eyes.  "I know.  I'm upset 
about it, too."

With her fingers still firmly grasping his hair, Dana cocked her head and 
manipulated his head this way and that.  "You don't seem upset."

"I'm upset.  I'm very upset.  It's - it's painful, I'm so upset."

Dana released her grip and once again ran her fingers through his hair. 
She pulled her hand away and stared at her palm momentarily.  She grimaced and 
rubbed off the residue of hair gel on Mulder's sleeve.  She hopped
off the desk and moved to sit down in her chair.  Mulder absently massaged the 
top of his head.  Dana stared into the lab area of their office, composing 
herself.

"I wish I could do something, Scully.  Really."

"We'll never get that time back, Mulder.  Even if we went again, it wouldn't be 
the same.  And don't say we have the memories.  I know we have those.  But it's 
-"  Dana stopped herself.  She sighed in resignation.  "The memories are what's 
important.  I know that.  I guess it's really just the principle of the thing."

Mulder inwardly heaved a sigh of relief.  It would seem the storm had passed.  
"I know."

Dana stood and walked through the doorway of their lab area and stopped - 
surveying.  The naked light bulb hanging just over her head was a sight
right out of MAD Comics.  He just knew it would blink on by itself.  She
turned to him.  "You know, if we blocked out a section of this room..."

Oh, no.  As if the office wasn't small enough.  He had visions of them huddled 
in a corner on two school desks playing Battleship.  Mulder's brow
knitted into a frown and willed it away before Scully could see it.

She walked into the area and took in the surroundings.  "We could turn it into a 
little darkroom.  We wouldn't need much space."  She turned to him.  "You've 
always wanted to be able to develop our own pictures during cases anyway.  Away 
from the prying eyes of the geeks at the Sci Crimes Lab."  She walked toward 
him, a purpose in her stride.  "Don't you think we could do that?  Film 
developing was one of the courses I took at Quantico.  I could develop all the 
film we take during cases.  That's safer, don't you think?"

Mulder nodded.  She pulled her chair out and dragged it next to his.  "I'm sorry 
I was so angry.  I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's okay."

"No.  No it's not.  I'm sorry."  Dana glanced quickly to the door before
she placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him close for a quick 
kiss.  She smiled at him.  "I'll make it up to you."

"I'll look forward."

Dana briefly fingered the hairs at the back of his neck before she released him.  
"Don't you think that's a possibility, though.  I know it's cramped in here, but 
in there," she nodded her head in the direction of the lab area, "in there, 
wouldn't be so bad.  And it really wouldn't take up much space.  That table on 
the far wall is just a catch-all anyway."   


"I suppose."

"I could requisition the equipment and have it here by next week.  We could fix 
up the area over the weekend."

"You know how to set up a darkroom?"

"I know what equipment we need.  Just the chemicals, trays...  Curtain off the 
area and pull the overheads from that side of the room."

"Red bulbs," Mulder supplied knowingly.

"Red."

Mulder leaned close to her, his forearms resting on his thighs.  "I always get 
very turned on in red lighting."

The eyebrow.  "Really."

"Something about it.  It's like - sex in a bulb."

The corner of Scully's mouth quirked up in a grin.  "This is a video thing, 
isn't it, Mulder?"

"Video thing?"

"I'm sure in that vast collection you have, there's a darkroom bathed in
red involved in some form of sexual escapade or another."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he countered innocently.

"I'm sure you don't."

Mulder surreptitiously grabbed the arms of Scully's chair and pulled it and the 
woman sitting in it toward him.  He widened the distance between his knees to 
make room for her.  "You know," he offered conversationally,
"we could requisition a whole bunch of red bulbs and douse the whole office in 
sex."

Scully felt the muscles in her stomach clench.  "It would look like a cave in 
here, Mulder," she rasped.

"A love cave."

"Is it your intention to lure the secretarial pool down here?"

"Only if you're into that, Scully.  I was thinking more along the lines of just 
the two of us."  He paused, running the thought around his brain.
 "*Are* you into that, Scully?"

She peered into his eyes.  "Don't start building fantasies around me, Mulder.  
You're brain will explode."

"It hasn't yet."

Scully tightened her lips in an effort to maintain the facade.  The smile crept 
out anyway and they grinned at each other conspiratorially.  As she began to 
close the minimal distance between herself and her partner in
oh, so many (let me count them) ways, there was a quick knock at the door=2E  
Before they could respond - or move - Walter Skinner poked his head
in the office.

"Agents?  I -"

Caught.  Red handed.  So to speak.  Without hesitation, Mulder pressed hi=
s finger against the corner of Scully's eye.  "Got it.  Better?"

Scully, being the intelligent woman she is, had no trouble picking up on
his cover - however inane it was.  Skinner'll never buy it, she thought.
 "Yeah.  Better.  Thanks, Mulder."

They scooted away from each other.  Dana continued to exercise and fiddle with 
her eye in a concerted effort to keep up the act.  She wasn't going to win any 
awards.  She made her way back to her desk taking her chair with her.  Mulder 
pinned Skinner with a gaze that screamed, 'Just go with
it, sir.  No one's getting hurt.'

"What can we do for you, sir?"  Scully had her mirror out and was inspecting her 
eye with intense scrutiny.  She was going for the Oscar.

Skinner glanced back and forth between the two agents.  His expression held no 
rebuke, but it also said, 'don't ever let me catch you again'. 


Don't ask, don't tell, he thought with an inward sneer at the notion.  He 
faltered for a moment.  "I just wanted to see how the office was coming
along.  Doesn't look half bad."

Mulder began nervously tapping a pencil on the desk.  "Fire did a number
on it, but it's nothing a coat of paint couldn't fix.  Aesthetically speaking.  
The files, however, are a big, soggy glop of ashes."

Skinner nodded gravely and turned to Scully.  She had finally curtailed her 
performance and was sitting primly, hands folded on top of her desk.

"How are you feeling Agent Scully?  Any lingering problems?"

"Nothing to speak of, sir." 


"Frostbite seems to have healed nicely."

Scully nodded and glanced away, unwilling to discuss it at this point.  Skinner 
took his cue and turned to leave.  He turned back to them with his hand on the 
door knob.  "By the way, A.D. Cassidy from the OPR hearing wants to meet with 
you."

Mulder and Scully turned as one to Skinner, both sets of eyebrows raised
in thinly veiled shock. 


Scully glanced quickly at Mulder, her eyes registering the insecurity and 
concern for her/his/their future and projected it at her partner.  Mulder's 
mouth twitched.  She looked back at Skinner.  "What does she want to
meet about?"

"I believe she's interested in becoming more informed of the workings of
the X-Files Division.  I imagine she wants a little show and tell."  He turned 
his full attention to Mulder.  "You think you can play tour guide,
Agent Mulder?"

"Scully looks better in the hat, sir."

Scully shot him a look.  "We'll be glad to tell her whatever she wants to know, 
sir.  Within limits, of course."

Skinner acknowledged her.  "Of course.  She'll be coming in next week.  I'll 
give you a heads up so you can - tidy up around here."  At that, he flashed a 
crooked grin.  Mulder and Scully took in the decidedly bemused expression on his 
face and turned briefly to one another.  "Thank you," Scully intoned.  "We'll 
have the place - ship-shape.  Sir."

"At ease, Agent Scully."  And with that, he left and closed the door behind him.

The agents turned to each other and silently held communion over the last five 
minutes of their life.

"Well," said Mulder.  "That was interesting."

"In what sense?"

"You feel something going down, Scully?"

"Don't be paranoid, Mulder.  More than likely, she just wants to know more about 
the two agents that spoiled her week."

"We didn't have such a hot week either."

"I respect her, Mulder.  However against her I was at the time, she had valid 
points.  She'd have to have been crazy to take everything we gave her on faith 
alone.  Yeah, she was a bit of a hard-ass, but she had a job to do.  Now, she 
wants to see what she relented to in the end.  It makes perfect sense."

Mulder rubbed a hand over his face.  "Okay."  He thought a moment.  "Skinner got 
an eye-full." 


"You think he knows?"

"For some reason, I don't think he cares."

Scully shook her head ruefully.  "We've got to be more careful, Mulder."

"You think red mood lighting is out then?"

"Let's save it for the darkroom."

Mulder sighed and leaned back in his chair with a file perched on his knee.  
Scully hunched over her laptop and began typing.  She didn't look up
as she quietly said, "and the bedroom."

Mulder didn't look at her.  He grinned.  "I'm sorry about the pictures, Scully."

"Me, too.  Maybe we could go again.  Sometime."

"We could do that.  When we get a break."

Scully nodded.  She glanced at Mulder now fully engrossed the file in his hands.  
"Mulder?"

"Hm?"

"I've got something in my eye."

Mulder smiled and rolled his chair next to Scully's.  "Okay, Scully.  This won't 
hurt a bit.  Just close those baby blues..."

And she did.



END


I know, I know.  I just start at the beginning and don't stop 'till I get where 
they take me.  Thoughts of varying degrees of warmth and hostility are welcomed.
pdryder@earthlink.net