From: "Sqira A." Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999 18:41:16 GMT Subject: NEW: Redheads Attack (1/2) Title: Redheads Attack (1/2) Author: Sqira A. Classification: SAH Keyword: M/S UST Content Warning: PG-13 Summary: Oh, come on. I think the title gave it away. Then again, it's just PG-13... Spoiler Warning: None really Distribution Statement: Sure, with my info. intact. It'll be cooler if I know where. Feedback: Yes please, at sqira@notme.com Disclaimer: Those recognizable are not mine. I stole the title from some 'movie' (guess which one?). You think I get money from this? Author's Note: Dedicated to the faithful departing, El. I'm going to miss you much. We'll meet up again someday, 'kay? Huge thanks to Kari and Syd (hey, don't sweat it) for the super-fast beta-reads (and for answering my call for help) and Suede for your 'Head Music'. ...and everything will flow... -------------------- It all started with a sheet of standard issue, blank, white paper. Scully was (when was she not?) typing another expense report for the Great Giant Head above. In truth, she was doing *my* expense report and all I had to do was sign it. Hey, *she* wanted to do it and I had no complaints about that. Anyway, I'm digressing... So, she was typing in her laptop, *happily* I might add. She had this ditty that she was humming. It sounded like some lullaby that I half-remembered. I didn't mind actually. I even thought it was cute. Wait, don't tell her I said that. Where was I... okay, expenses, typing... Once she was done, she hooked up her laptop to my printer, reached over, peeled the cables off my printer and plugged hers into it. Fine so far, right? Wrong! That was where it all started. "Mulder, there are no papers in the tray. Do you have any left over there?" I knew that there were no more papers left in the tray. I had known for the last two days but I was too lazy to get anymore, even though the stockroom was just a few doors away. I was just hoping that she would get them for me. "No." I answered. Without even lifting my eyes. I guess that set her off. I heard her push her chair back and the sound of her heels digging tiny potholes into the floor. I didn't dare watch her leave; I knew better than to incur The Wrath of Scully when she was in that sort of mood. She came back into the room a few minutes later, slammed the paper down in front of me and pushed me aside to dump them onto the tray. I leaned back, careful not to topple over. "Uh Scully, you smell nice. New shampoo?" Members of the audience, did you ever experience a moment where your mouth was its own entity, devoid of any prior thought or association to the rest of your body? Join the club. "Don't push it, Mulder," she snapped back at me, sweeping her hand across the side of her head. She stepped back, fury covering her face before settling herself back into her chair. Oookay... She ignored me for the next few minutes before she began stirring up another dust cloud. It began softly, she dragged a few drawers open and shut again. Then the movements grew erratic, furious pulling followed by equally loud slamming. I peeked at her and she moved towards me, repeating the actions to my drawers - carefully ignoring yours truly in her search. "Mulder, where are the Hopkins' testimonies? Please tell me you have them," she said suddenly, her fingers rummaging through the piles of papers before me. I threw her a cautious look, deciding on the right action. She looked harried, even tired. I knew I had been an ass a few minutes before, so being her partner of many years (and because I had been burnt numerous times before when I hadn't helped), I gave her a hand in searching through the papers. I had a bad feeling about this though, as I was certain that I had given them to her the day before. Putting them down again, I turned slowly at her. "Do you want the truth or the party line, Scully?" She looked up, ready for war. "I believe I gave them to you yesterday. After work. When I dropped you off," I muttered in a cowardly fashion. Man, I could have sworn that I heard the battle cry. "How could- Damn!," she swore, punching the sleeves of her jacket with her hand, "This is... fitting! Just peachy! Damn it!" she winced, bringing a finger in front of her eyes. I looked at her. She blew at the injured finger, shaking her hand. She had somehow caught me staring at her and hardness settled in immediately. "Shut up Mulder," she hissed. I watched her turn and moved swiftly out of the room. God, what the hell happened here? Was it something I said? I decided to let my investigative skills took over as I crossed to her side of the table. The report was displayed on her laptop, her coffee was still warm and her attach case was opened on the table. Well, one thing was for sure, she would be coming back. This time, she was gone for a lot longer. I got worried, knowing how dangerous it could be out there at this time of the night. Right. I was no longer immersed in my work. Worry had the habit of consuming my mind whole. "What are you doing Mulder?" I jumped at the sudden question. Turning around, I saw her by the door, carrying an opened box by her side. Thank you, there is a God. But what relieved me most was the expression on her face. She seemed relaxed and composed. It was as though her trip to wherever had done her good. I wondered what the cause of her transformation was, what magic elixir that she had drunk before coming back into the room. "Where the hell have you been?" I asked, anxiety kicking in. "Why, miss me?" she cooed, making her way back to her chair. She placed the box on the table and settled down by it. Wow. Either she had made a good guess or she could mind-read. I shuddered at the possibilities. "I guess I did. Found what you were looking for?" I smiled, touching a crack in the table. "Yep," she answered, grabbing the top file from the box, "...And more." "Oh, do share Agent Scully," I teased, finding her elevated mood a little hard to resist. "In time, Agent Mulder," she patted my arm. I bet a million dollars (okay, I don't have a million, so sue me) that I saw a twinkle in those eyes. My Scully wanted to play... "So Scully, what's in the box?" I could not help it. I was just *so* happy that she was back. "I'll ask you a better question, Mulder," she retorted, her eyes scrutinizing the file before her. I could not help but wondered on whether this was actually going anywhere. "Did you have girlfriends?" I looked up sharply at her, surprised at her sudden intrusive question. She saw the confusion on my face and added: "I used the past tense, Mulder. Don't answer it if you don't want to." Her eyes were still on the file. I looked at her, my hands folded on the table. "Yes, I did. Is this going anywhere?" I wanted her to look at me in the eye. "Any long relationships?" Whoah! The conversation had just gotten a wee bit personal. "Are you answering a personal ad for me?" (Well, I had to be sure) She snorted, finally putting the damn file down. She was definitely amused by this banter between us. It was a complete change from the Scully of a few minutes ago. "I told you before, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she said daringly, giving me an eyeful of cleavage as she bend over to flick on the printer and then settled back as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Wait, that was the same blouse that she wore last week. Did she miss a button or two this time? What the hell was going on? Who was playing with whom? "I've had my share of female wiles. Some relationships were, unfortunately, longer than others. *This* is of interest to you?" As I made my confession, she began typing. "Maybe. For future reference," she answered idly. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, stopping only to sneak a look into the file. I shrugged, thinking the conversation had ended there. "So how long did they last?" "What?" I spouted, swallowing a sunflower seed whole (kids, don't try this at home). "How long were they, the *long ones*?" she repeated her question, all the while typing away. How could she do that? I suddenly had this image of her doing an autopsy while thinking about what she would have for dinner. Wait... why did I have this nagging feeling that she *had* done that? "Um, long enough I suppose," I answered her, seeing the ghosts of girlfriends past waltzing through the door. Talk about spooky... "Did they stay over often?" What kind of question was that? My mind screamed but a damage control alarm went off in my brain. "Scully, if you want to be my girlfriend, you don't have to be coy with me." Hah, take that, Agent Scully! Okay, I was breathing, I was breathing... She stopped her work and turned to me. She contemplated for a moment then a grin crossed her face. God, what did I do now? Stupid mouth, stupid mouth, stupid mouth of mine... "I'll keep that in mind Mulder," she spoke, resuming her typing. Okay, that might not be a bad thing after all. Now that she knew and would 'keep that in mind', all bets were on again. I felt *loved* suddenly... "So, did they stay over often?" Hey, hey! I thought we had ended that line of persecution a while ago. Perhaps, she had not heard me properly. "Scully," I warned, furrowing my brows at her for effect. She turned nonchalantly away, adding a few keystrokes to the report. The printer then sprang to life, regurgitating one printed paper after another. The capabilities of the woman before me amazed me. She writes, she chases, she even cuts dead people up. Was there anything that she could *not* do? Once the printer stopped, she pushed herself up and went over to my side for the papers. I signed them mechanically, all too aware of her presence by my side. She radiated heat but I could not fathom its source, and she had this faint scent that seemed to torment my senses. Man, she was killing me softly there. "So Mulder, let me get this straight. You dated some women, some even could be called long-term. So, I gather from the information that you have shared with me, the latter would have pretty much stayed over at your place. Maybe a few times during the relationship, maybe *all* the time?" she paused, looking at me. I had unconsciously shaken my head at that one, much to my chagrin. There went my reputation as a stud. "Well, these women must be over often enough right? They might even have, say, a suit, some undergarments, a toothbrush?" I remembered a few women who had left stuff like that at my place. In fact, most of them was still around somewhere. "So do you, Scully. You occupy half of my closet and several of my drawers in fact. At that rate, you might as well move in with me," I proposed devilishly, erasing our invisible line as I spoke. "No..." She nearly broke my heart. Then she added: "I can't compete with your fish. Besides, that's not the point I'm making here." "Then what *is* the point Scully?!" I asked her inredulously, the file in my hands already forgotten. "Well, it took them what, a few days, weeks, to get into your life, into your drawers," darn, there was that word again. Ooh. I got the hint, Scully. "Am I hearing what I'm hearing? You want a-" "I want a drawer damnit!" Scully cut me off, slamming her palms in front of me. The table shook under the onslaught, rattling a few nuts and bolts out of place. Heh heh, *nuts*. Sorry. Once again, I digress. "I thought you had several," I brought my hands up in defeat, unable to see her point... yet. "Not in your apartment, here! In this office!" Double ooh. "How long have we been partners, Mulder? A few days, months perhaps? Try six years, Mulder. In that time, I've become more than just an acquaintance, more than just a *girlfriend*. I'm your partner. I see you everyday. And what do I get from all those six years with you?" She looked at me, demanding some kind of answer. "Untapped sources of an unknown, paranormal and undeniably engaging future, a willing date every Friday night, and if you are nice enough, I might even throw in a backrub now and then," I offered, waggling my eyebrows at her. "Mulder," she spat out my name, halting further thoughts. "No, all I get is a hook for my coat, a chair for myself and half or rather, a third of your table whenever I'm here, which is like *all the time*. I don't even have a place where I could put my stuff, you know, a few paperclips, an extra pencil or... a stack of paper to print on," she stressed the last part, accusing eyes stared back at me. "Well, I have those too," I reasoned. "You *had* those. Had!" Man, she was pissed. All this over a drawer?! "That's why you're here for, Scully. To remind me, to get them for me," I teased. "You're impossible, you know that?" she pulled away from my view, retreating back to her side of the table. She was disappointed with me, her face filled with sadness. I could be such a jerk sometimes. "I'm sorry, Scully. You're right, you should have your own office, your own table, your own chair, perhaps I could throw out half of my stuff from the bathroom and you can set up your beauty altar there. I don't know, I'm not good at this. What do you want, Scully?" I babbled. I was mumbling like some idiot. I looked at Scully, finding her, of all things, grinning *evilly* back at me. Wow. What had we here? Where did this Scully came from? -------------------- "Well Mulder, let's just start with a drawer okay? I'll keep your other offers in mind though." She smiled sweetly as she stood up and walked to the cabinet of drawers at the corner of the room. "Okay, a drawer's good enough. In fact, I have one here free-" "Mulder?" I turned in my chair, my hand stilled upon the drawer. I saw her standing by the cabinet, her left toe pointing towards the drawer second from the bottom. "I want this one Mulder," she pouted. Damn that woman! "Oh come on Scully, why that one? Isn't that too low for you, the bending and all?" Oh c'mon Scully. I could not believe she was making me do this. "Oh, I need the exercise." Exercise? With her body? "Scully, I know why you're doing this. You can't make me give that drawer to you," I was grasping for straws, steering her to any other drawer but that one. "But you promised Mulder, and besides, what are you hiding in there? Something that I shouldn't know about?" She was taunting me. I hated it when she knew me so well. "I didn't promise you, Scully," I retorted, getting very defensive. "Oh, you're hiding something then," she said, crossing her arms. God, she was unbelievable. She just would not let up. I sat back, wondering on whether my next action would condemn me for good. It was not that I had something to hide, but that drawer held my past. A past that was a huge part of me, one that could still call to me now if I let it. I was unsure whether it was time to let it go. I looked back at her as I sat forward, propping my elbows on my knees. I saw her waiting for me, waiting for an answer. Yeah she was worth it... Her hands started moving the handle, edging it open. But I had locked it recently, the key hung jangling in the bunch I carried. I held them in my hands now, separating the key in question from the rest. "Scully?" I called out to her before flicking it through the air towards her. She caught it, like I knew she would, and held it out questioningly to me. "Open it. It's yours," I smiled at her. "If I may say so, I think you have planned this all along." "Would you expect less of me, Mulder?" I shook my head, grinning like some idiot in love. "Hey Mulder, wanna cut the ribbon with me?" She had crouched by the drawer, her eyes shining brightly at me. Now, how could I refuse that invitation, when she gave me that smile of hers? "Thought you'd never ask." I left my chair and planted myself beside her, sitting cross-legged. Scully was amused at my sudden interest. I patted a seat next to mine, calling her to me. "C'mon Scully, get comfortable. This is gonna take a while," I laughed. It might not be so bad after all. She settled herself by my side. I waited as she jangled the key in the lock. It gave, and with a tug, the drawer opened, dust flying up into our faces. "Well, it's been a while hasn't it?" She mocked me, waving the dust away. I ignored her remark, reached into the drawer and drew out the first thing that graced my fingers. Scully followed suit, plunging both of her hands into the drawer. Boy, then I knew she had not *just* wanted a drawer. She had wanted to know what was in the drawer, period. "So, this is the infamous collection of 'Tapes That Aren't Yours'. Interesting," she commented, her fingers tapping the boxes. "Hey, be nice," I cautioned her as I tried to stop myself from smiling. I looked over my first catch. 'Bed & Breakfast: A Culinary Specialty'. Yeesh, *I* bought that? What was I drinking when I bought that? I reached in for a few more... man, I didn't even know I had a lot of them. I peeked at Scully out of the corner of my eye. She was grinning as if it was Christmas morning. Her eyes roamed eagerly over the boxes as if they were jewels. She had this glint in her eyes, one of mischief and amusement. I swore I could even hear a chuckle erupting now and then. She was a sight all right. "Okay already, Scully. Laugh all you want," I said lazily as I rolled up my shirt sleeves. She watched me in my work. I caught her staring at me and dared her to make an excuse. She didn't. For the first time. I looked back at the titles. 'Flash and Splash', 'Babes in Babylon', 'Sex and Zen' (ah, the Orient!),'Angie and Friends Do Dishes', 'All Night Long... or Your Money back!'... Man, I suppose I was really that *free* all those time ago. "'Around the World in 80 Minutes', Mulder?" Scully stated, holding up a tape box, "*With* subtitles?!" I grabbed the box from her, reading the fine print. "Well, she was German," I shrugged, putting it down. She continued reading the titles, taking them from my hands was I dug them out. "'Black Widow's Last Kiss'?" "French Madame based in Paris. Still around from what I hear." "'Life of A Model'?" "Dumb Italian chick who gets laid by everybody everywhere." "Isn't that always the case, Mulder?" I didn't know. I just watched them. "You have a thing for European women?" "No, just women. That's only a coincidence." She was inquisitive, wasn't she? I heard a snort, followed by a tap on my shoulder. I turned to her, wondering what kind of torture she was going to put me through next. "'My name is Pussy Galore'." "I must be dreaming," I gasped as I clasped the hand that held the tape, bringing it close to my eyes. I chuckled, much to her delight. "It was my first, Scully. Every guy wants to be James Bond. Shaken, not stirred," I said admiringly, holding the tape, "Didn't you ever want to be a Bond girl, Scully?" "Let's just say, my life is not exactly far from that." Oh, she was doing that deep, husky voice to me again. I knew my cheeks had flared up, I could see them in her eyes. "Why do you watch them Mulder? Obviously, every single women in these tapes is some Amazonian beauty with teutonic breasts, crane-like legs and uhmm... a low IQ?" "You'd watched them?!" She tilted her head to me, feigning annoyance. "I don't know. Do I need a reason to? Okay, they were many, I tell you. Different situations, different circumstances," Three more tapes were out, "Bad dates. I don't know why I watched them. Boredom? Curiosity? For Educational purposes?" "What about me? Has it been about me sometimes?" she asked softly, distant for a second. I gripped a tape harder then; she had known anyhow. I was unwilling to tell her the truth just yet. "I think 'Show and Tell' is over, Scully. Come again next time," I said, attempting a smile. I turned back to the drawer, finding it empty. It felt funny but liberating at the same time, having my past out into the open. I felt like some kind of burden was being lifted. The tapes, their titles a blur to me, surrounded me. Maybe that was what they should be forever now, a blur in my past. "I think you can move in now. Did you bring champagne?" I teased her, gathering the tapes into a pile. Hmm, 'Redheads Attack'... when did I get that? "Why? Are we celebrating something?" she remarked, surprising me by standing over me. She was holding the box that she had brought in earlier and began emptying it, transferring her stuff into the drawer. I looked in, seeing the space being filled up slowly. "Oh, you know, out with the old, in with the new," I helped her, handing her stuff to her. "I have some at home." Okay kids, homework for the day, what should I do to a response like that? "So, Mulder, what are you going to do with these tapes?" "Donate to charity? Think Salvation Army will accept them?" I started throwing in the tapes into her now empty box. 'Office Kama Sutra'... Talk about subtle. "Maybe. Especially for educational purposes." We laughed as we stacked the tapes into the box. "Mulder, you missed one," she added, breaking into my reverie. She reached further into the drawer, half of her arm disappearing into the darkness. She finally came up with her treasure. "'Foxy Fantasies'?!!" Scully stood up swiftly, gaining as much distance between me and that tape as she could. I reached a hand out but I was still seated. My knees cracked as I got up, prompting laughter. Great timing. Just showed how old I was getting. "Scully, give it back to me," I said firmly, stepping menacingly closer to her. She had a look of a girl caught reading her sister's secret diary. Only this time, she had liked it. She held the tape behind her, backing away. "Gee Mulder, I thought you were giving them away. You never said about me not having them," she teased, her lips plastered into this smile which, if I let it, would drive me crazy. "Scully, the tape is... *special*. It was a gift," I lied, stepping a foot closer. "Really? You have an attachment to this tape? Sentimental value?" She nearly tripped over from a box behind her. She wobbled but soon caught herself. Damn, there was that smile again. "Especially that tape, Scully," I reached out, first on one side of her then another. She ducked away, each time. It was getting ridiculous, two adults playing a game of 'Catch Me If You Can'. Nonetheless, I was certain that I could get it from her anyhow. I was bigger and stronger, I could tackle her, or I could just grab her... I wondered if she was ticklish. "Mul-" she stopped, backed against the wall. I looked at her amused - my catch of the day. "Scully, you have nowhere to run. Don't make me go there," I warned. She shook her head, defying me. Ah, she was going to get it all right. I moved up closer, my body inches away from hers. She still had that smile, daring me somehow. I pressed both hands against the wall, caging her. She did not squirm nor did she flinch away. She just stared at me, her eyes deepening in color. "Scully, you're making this very difficult for the both of us. Why don't you just hand me the tape?" I whispered to her, dropping my lips to her ear. I could see a flush tingeing her cheeks, her lips moistened unconsciously. "It's just a tape, Mulder. Are you hiding something else too?" she whispered back, her breaths warming up my ear. Damn, why were we doing this? "Scully, why are we whispering?" I asked her, leaning even closer to her. I fingered the piece of her hair that fell and covered her eye. I tucked it away, aware of her sudden labored breathing. "You started it," she breathed back, tickling the hairs on my neck. It was getting more difficult to concentrate on the matter at hand. Her body flushing beneath me, I would have taken her right then if not for the... Sudden ringing that blasted through the office. It startled both of us, our quick gasps sounding loudly. We looked at each other, playful smiles adorning our faces. "One of us should get the phone," she remarked. "One of us should be you." "I'm not moving," I answered her, bringing my arms closer around her. My lips itched to be on hers. "It might be my mum." "It might be." Her smile broadened, her head flung seductively back. She exposed her creamy, white neck to me, like some offering to the gods... or the next Bela Lugosi. "It could be Skinner," she said, snapping her head back. I saw that wicked smile again, playing in her eyes. I dropped my head to her shoulder, releasing a snigger and looked back to her. "Damn woman, you know how to kill a moment," I crossed back towards the intruding machine from hell. I refused to look at her, fearing that I would see relief on her face. I picked up the phone instead. "Mulder. Yes Sir, I apologize for making you wait. I was uh... caught up with work." Scully threw me a knowing glance as she picked her way through the office. "No, no Sir! I am not pulling your leg." Scully gathered her things and dumped them into her bag. "Sir? I'm still here. Yes Sir. Sir... yes, I realize that. I should be more of a team player," I said nonchalantly as I trained my eyes on Scully. She placed the tape and another one into her bag before easing herself into her coat. "Where are you going?" I said to her, ignoring Skinner on the line, "No sir, not you. I was talking to my invisible twin." Scully stopped at the door and motioned to her watch. It was evening already? "One moment, Sir," I interrupted Skinner, clasping the phone to my shoulder. "Scully, you're leaving now? What the hell are you gonna do with my tapes?" She settled the coat on her shoulders and stepped out of the office. She turned, her hand on the door jamb. "Research, Mulder," she smiled ever so wickedly at me and left. I stood there for quite some time before realizing that there was a pressure on my shoulder. I brought the phone back to my ear and muttered back nervously into it: "Sir, I'm sorry. I really am Sir! What? All right, I'll get right down to it. I'll be right up." I hung up, grabbing my jacket from the back of my chair. My eyes passed the box on the floor, now brimming with the tapes. I noticed that the tape that I placed at the top of the pile was gone. A knowing smile formed. I suppose someone else had a liking for 'Redheads Attack' too. I grabbed my coat from the hanger and slung it over my shoulder. Skinner could wait. She did say that she had champagne, right? -------------------- Author's (further) notes: See, I'm not the only one who wondered about 'The Tapes That Aren't His' and yes, that is Agent OO7's 'Goldfinger' for you. Can you believe that risqu screen name? Pussy Galore anyone? By the way, all the tapes' titles that I rattle off here are actually true. I remembered them from my trip to Europe a few moons ago. I saw the trailer for 'Foxy Fantasies' on TV, with DD strutting around. Too bad, I had to leave Germany then. I never knew what it was about. So, how was it? It was my first attempt at humor... the things I do for you, El :o)