From k-mraz@uiuc.edu Fri Nov 15 03:41:58 1996 WOW! The first attempt at posting this came out really strange! -- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Not Truth, but Faith, it is that keeps the world alive. Interim- E.S.V. Millay ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -------- Monotone Voice: Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, and the X-Files all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 Productions, and Fox Television. Chris did not give me permission to play in his sandbox, but that's never stopped me before. I promise to put them back the way I found them (except maybe Scully, she really needs more character development). No infringement is intended. No profit will be made off of this. Classification: VA Rating: PG Summary: Scully and Mulder deal with the wake of her return. Post Episode Story "One Breath" No spoilers past that episode. Author's Notes: I wasn't sure what season "One Breath" had taken place in, so I chose to make it spring. I figure it's okay if I'm wrong because 10-13 doesn't keep a bible and they manage to contradict themselves on an almost bi-weekly basis, anyway. This story was inspired by an e-mail discussion. Apparently, I'm not the only one who noticed that Mulder gave Scully a different necklace in "One Breath" then the one she had been wearing in "Ascension". For Holly, who made a suggestion that so offended me, I had to counter with this. ******************************************************* Renascence By Kaylee Frost And all at once the heavy night Fell from my eyes and I could see!- A drenched and dripping apple tree, A last long line of silver rain, A sky grown clear and blue again. And as I looked a quickening gust Of wind blew up to me and thrust Into my face a miracle Of orchard-breath, and with the smell,- I know not how such things can be!- I breathed my soul back into me. Edna St. Vincent Millay "Renascence" The early evening sky shone azure, orange and purple as the setting sun cut its way across the cumulus clouds that dotted the horizon. Streaks of gold tinted light splayed against the surface of the reflecting pool, causing those without sunglasses to squint as they feed the ducks or posed for photos by the water. A gentle breeze stirred the newly green leaves on trees that had awoken from their winter slumber and rustled the verdant grass. He noticed none of this. Instead, Special Agent Fox Mulder's attention was focused on the thin rope entwined around his long fingers. The strand was wound about so tightly that it created and impression against his skin, turning his flesh white where the rope made contact. The low slung sun caught the various facets of the links and gave them an ethereal glow. Delicate, valuable, and rare, like his partner, Mulder thought of the gold chain wrapped around his fist, but easily replaceable. He had simply gone to the nearest jewelry store and bought a new gold chain. He couldn't find one identical to Scully's broken one, yet he still opted not to get the damaged links fixed and purchased a different chain in its place. Maybe he had done so to soothe his guilt. Maybe not. Scully, on the other hand, was not easily replaceable. After what seemed like an eternity of sleepless nights, spent staring into the night sky, she had been returned, no questions answered. How anyone could *reappear* without a trace baffled Mulder. Another X-file... He hadn't been back to see her since she had come out of the coma, four days ago. Looking at her tiny frame dwarfed by the various hospital instruments had just added to his nightly terrors. He could recall with perfect clarity the blaze of red hair fanned across the stark white pillow, her pale lips, shadowed face, and how her eyes, once they had opened, had seemed a darker shade of blue in contrast to her sickly complexion. Handing her the new necklace with her cross dangling from it, he had fled the room. He called the hospital everyday, though, to check on her condition. Today the nurse had informed him that Dr. Scully had been released early that afternoon. He would go to her tonight, he thought as he swung the gold chain back and forth. Mulder was so entranced by the movement of the gold strand and his troubled thoughts, that he failed to hear the soft footsteps approaching him. "Is this seat taken?" Dana Scully asked, gesturing to the spot on the bench next to Mulder. Fox Mulder's head jerked up with a snap, as he dropped his hands into his lap. "Scully!" he exclaimed as he stood to help her. "No, no, don't bother," she gently laid a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down onto the bench, "I'm perfectly capable of sitting without aid." Humor tinged her voice. His tone soft and concerned, Mulder asked, "How are you?" "I'm recovering quicker then they had anticipated. I told them that the thought of how messy you'd probably let the office get was motivating my immune system and I was right. I went there to find you and discovered I was going to need a shovel to figure out where the desk was." Mulder chuckled inwardly. Scully's expression turned serious before she spoke again. "The truth is, Mulder, that no one knows. As far as our science can tell, I'm on my way to a full recovery. Yet, maybe five months or five years from now, I could find that something from this experience has adversely affected my health. Without the knowledge of what my body was put through during those three months, there is no basis for a diagnosis." Dana took a deep breath and looked down at her partner's hands, "Oh, I was wondering what you had done with the other chain." Stated, Scully, quietly, noting the gold strand that was tangled in Mulder's grasp. "It...it broke," his tone sounded like that of a child caught in the midst of a bad act. The words strained against the front of his throat, battling the lump forming there. Responding a little breathlessly, Dana said, " I know." Reaching out, she laid her hand atop of his. "Scully, when you first were assigned to the X-Files, I knew you'd been sent to spy on me, so I gave you as little as I could, hoping to frustrate you into transferring. Eventually you earned my trust, respect, and friendship, but I had forgotten that I had never warned you. I never told you that there were forces out there that would stop at nothing to destroy my work, our work, and that you, too, were going to become the focus of their destruction if you stayed with me. I didn't realize I hadn't warned you until it was to late to do so. I'm sorry." "I always knew, Mulder, and neither of us could have ever predicted this. Now we have to move on. We will find the truth, I feel it." Mulder's eyes met Scully's with an intensity she had often seen in him. "Are you scared?" "Of what? Dying for this? No Mulder, I think you're scared enough for the both of us. And I know that none of your fear is for yourself. I wish you wouldn't do this, but I know I can't talk you out of your guilt. It's become such an integral part of who you are, I doubt anyone will ever be able to rid you of it." Scully's heart rent in her chest as she spoke the truth about her partner. " I can, however, tell you how I plan on dealing with all of this and perhaps, that will ease your conscience, slightly. I'm going to get up every morning and breathe in and out. I'll get dressed, go into work, and let my partner drive me insane with his off kilter theories and investigative methods, or therefore lack of. I'm not going to regret a moment of it though. I know that god has given me another chance at life. It is so rare that a person gets the opportunity to truly examine their life and the course it has taken. Lying there in the hospital bed I was given that chance. I could have easily chosen to let go, but something was keeping me here. I know now that, over all, I've made the right choices in my life and that it is a life worth living. God must agree with me, or he wouldn't have let me come back. So, I'm going to live each day as it is given to me. Like this evening, it's beautiful and I'm going to take a walk among the trees." Scully let go of Mulder's hand and began to stand, but Mulder reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Here," he said opening he palm of his hand and offering up the broken chain. "Mulder, why did you keep this?" Mulder ducked his head, unable to face Scully. "Well,...um, when they took you, I carried it with me to remind me of you and to give me the strength to keep looking. When you came back, I still carried it with me, because I was afraid you might not recover and I was going to lose you anyway. Now, I'm carrying it with me because I *am* scared that I could lose you again." Lifting his face to hers, he continued gently, " I just wanted a piece of you to take with me everywhere. You believe so strongly that there are logical answers to be found, that when, on occasion, I find I'm losing my faith in ever knowing the truth, I look to you. You are my faith, Scully." Scully reached out and took Mulder's hand into her own. Carefully, she bent his fingers into a fist around the broken, gold chain. "You don't need a gold chain to feel you have a piece of me, Mulder. You already have a piece of my soul and *my* faith in *you*. I want you to keep this, though." Scully stood up and asked her partner, "Care to take a walk with me, Agent Mulder?" A wide smile broke across Mulder's face, launching himself off the park bench, he laid his hand against the small of her back, guiding her towards the wooded path. "Of course, Agent Scully." The End Comments can be sent to k-mraz@students.uiuc.edu K.F. November 1996