From: Annette Gisby Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2000 09:33:51 GMT Subject: NEW: Restless III: Shadows on the Floor by Annette Gisby TITLE: Restless III: Shadows on the Floor AUTHOR: Annette Gisby EMAIL: penguin2@cableinet.co.uk FEEDBACK: please! ARCHIVE: Spooky's, ephemeral, gossmer. Anyone else please ask. SUMMARY: Mulder has raped Scully, but things are not as they seem. RATING: PG-13 SHADOWS ON THE FLOOR "Put down the phone, Mulder," I manage to get out, struggling to get up off the floor. I hurt, in more ways than one. I wouldn't have believed it of him. Except that it just happened. And I have the bruises to prove it. He just looks at me, the receiver in his hand. His face is pale and I can see his hands shaking. He can't quite believe what he's done either. "Put the phone down, Mulder," I repeat more forcefully this time. "But, Scully. I have to call someone. The police. Ambulance." His voice cracks on the last word, as if appalled that he has hurt me at all. I'm hurt, yes, but I'll live. He begins punching in numbers, so I drag myself over there and press down the cradle. "It wasn't you, Mulder," I say again, hoping to make him realise this time that what happened wasn't his fault. "You keep saying that!" he shouts angrily. "For heaven's sake, Scully! I raped you! I'm calling the police!" "It wasn't you, Mulder. It was the photos." "What?" he's a little calmer now, although his hand still hovers near the telephone. "Who do you think sent you those photos?" "The cigarette smoking man?" "And why would he send them to you?" "To make me think you'd betrayed me?" "There was another reason. I didn't think it would work when he told me. That's why I came round, to see if you were all right. You weren't." "I don't understand." "Neither did I, at first. The photos were contaminated, Mulder. By a drug absorbed through the skin. It heightens paranoia and - and violent tendencies. It could make a monk commit murder." "But why? Why would they give me something like that?" "The CSM told me that if I came round here, there was every chance you might attack me, after seeing those photos especially. I didn't believe him. I didn't think it would work on you, with the trust we have. He assured me it would work on anybody." "That still doesn't explain why they would give it to me." "By attacking me while you were under the influence of the drug, they hoped that once the drug wore off and you realised what you had done, you would be full of remorse and quite willing to confess, even willing to go to prison for what you perceived as your crime. Once in jail, you would be unable to continue your work on the X-Files. They wanted to break you, Mulder. By having you break me." I try not to give into the tears, but it's no use. I feel them roll down my cheek, a salty tang as they land on my lips. Mulder looks horrified, I see it in his eyes. He wants to comfort me, but after what he's done, he's unsure if I will ever allow him to touch me again. He turns away from me and glances out the windown where the first ornage shimmer of dawn is filtering through the slats of the blind, marking parallel shadows on the floor. Dawn? Already? How long have I been here? The clock says five thirty, but it feels more like forever. I can see his shoulder shake as he sobs, his tears a companion to my own. I didn't believe the Smoking Man at first, didn't believe that there was such a drug which could turn the man I trusted, the man I loved into someone unrecognisable. Someone who would hurt me. Who did hurt me. "Why did you come here, Scully? After what he told you?" "Because I didn't think it would work on you. I never believed you were capable of doing that to me, even drugged." I sit on the black couch gingerly, I'm still sore and bruised, but I don't want to go home. I dread to think what he'd do if I wasn't here to reason with him. I make a quick scan of the room to see where his gun is. I can't see it. I hope it's in the bedroom and not on the desk by the window. With Mulder in front of it, the only thing I can see is the top of the computer monitor. "What sort of drug is it? Do I need an antidote?" "No, it will leave your system eventually. It's a form of LSD mixed with an experimental drug. I don't know what. I only know what he told me." "By experimental, I presume you mean extra-terrestrial." "I don't know. Maybe," I admit grudgingly. He turns form the window and walks towards me. I can't quell the small flutter of panic in my abdomen as he approaches. Has the drug worn off yet, or is he going to hurt me again? "I'm sorry, Scully. I never meant to hurt you." He kneels on the floor at my feet, a penitent, his head bowed and his tears drip-drip on the wooden floor. What can I do but offer him absolution? I reach out and pull his head towards my lap. His arms stay braced on the floor, as if he's afraid to touch me anywhere without me express permission. I stroke his hair, lightly, trying to soothe him. I'm feeling very confused. I don't feel like a victim here, I knew what might happen when I came to his aprtment last night. It doesn't mean I condone what he did, I said no and he should have respected that. I know I love him, but I do not what happened last night to happen again. "Can you ever forgive me, Scully?" "I don't know." I don't know if I can trust him now. I don't know if he can trust himself. "May I - may I kiss you, Scully?" he asks tentatively, like a teenager asking a girl out on a first date, those hazel eyes of his boring into my soul. He gets pup from the floor and sits beside me on the sofa, the leather creaking as he settles into place. "I don't think that would be such a good idea, Mulder." "Then you could kiss me instead." "Isn't that the same thing?" "No. If you kiss me, it's your choice." Control. He's giving me back control. The control he took from me last night. But I don't know if I want it, if I want to make the first move in all of this. And I know that's what it would be. The first move into something I'm not sure either of us is ready for. I lean over towards him. His eyes close and his mouth opens slightly in expectation. But my aim is higher. I kiss him on the forehead, clasping both arms on his head. He opens his eyes, disappointed, but understanding. He knows. He knows that's all I can give. For now. THE END feedback appreciated at penguin2@cableinet.co.uk check out my x-files fanficiton at http://homepages.which.net/~annette.gisby/index.htm