From: Annette Gisby Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2000 08:40:54 +0100 Subject: NEW! Restless IV: Forgiven by Annette Gisby NC-17 TITLE: Restless IV: Forgiven AUTHOR: Annette Gisby EMAIL: penguin2@cableinet.co.uk RATING: NC-17 There are no stars tonight, just a black velvet blanket of cloud obscuring the view. I want to see the stars, see them flicker and dance, maybe then I'll believe that this is really happening and I am not in the middle of one of my dreams. She's sleeping, curled up on the other side of the sofa, her head resting on her hands. I've never seen her look more beautiful as when she sleeps. She's sleeping. In front of me. I hope it means that she trusts me, and I dare to hope that she has forgiven me at last. The file and photos from our latest case lie forgotten on the floor, a paper sprawl that I have the urge to tidy away. But to do so I would have to stop looking at her, and I don't want to stop. I stare at her for hours, just watching her sleep, but eventually tiredness overcomes me and I realise I can't watch her all night, no matter how much I want to. I lay a blanket over her, she mumbles something unintelligible, but she doesn't wake. My feet are heavy as they lead me to the bathroom, and the pills. I haven't been sleeping well, but just having to take the pills makes me feel a failure. Any normal person can sleep without the aid of drugs. Thoughts and images of what I did still haunt me. The image of a broken Scully lying on my floor. After what I'd done to her. She insisted it was only the drugs THEY'D given me, but sometimes I'm not too sure. Was it just denial on her part? That she couldn't believe I was even capable of such a despicable act? But the truth remains that drugged or no, I raped Scully, used my larger size and strength as weapons against her. Sometimes I can't believe I'd done it either, that I hope it was just a nightmare, not something that happened between us. I'm upset at raping her, but there's something else that's been worrying me. I'm upset at what I can remember, what little memory remains after the drugs wore off. I remember I *enjoyed* it, having that power over her. The thought horrifies me. How could I have enjoyed inflicting such pain on her? Was it the drugs making me feel like that, or is there something twisted in my own psyche that took such pleasure in pain? I down two sleeping pills with a gulp of water from the bathroom tap, avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see there anymore. Maybe this time the pills will work and will let me sleep without the nightmares. Maybe, but I doubt it. ***** "Mulder, wake up," the voice is annyoing, insistent. My eyelids are heavy, they don't want to open. I grunt and try to move away from the voice, from the weight on my arm, but I can't move. The pressure is increased and I struggle to open my eyes to see what is hurting me. Scully, sitting upright on the side of the bed, one of her arms holding down mine. There is a scratch on her cheek. Her blouse and skirt are rumpled from lying on my couch and her hair is a beautiful, tousled mess. "Scully? Did I do that?" I reach out to touch her cheek. "It's okay, Mulder. You were having a nightmare. I was just trying to calm you down," she hopped off the bed and straightened her skirt, tugging it down towards her knees. "No. Stay, please?" She looks at me, as if to decide whether to comply with my request. "The nightmare was really that bad?" "Yes," I reply, knowing it's the truth, but I can't remember what the nightmare was about. I can never remember them. All I know is that I wake up bathed in sweat and out of breath, terrified of something I can't name. "Okay, then, scoot over," orders Scully and I move to the other side of the bed. I lie there unmoving when I feel her get in. "No wonder you can't sleep, Mulder. You're too tense. You're as stiff as a board. Let me give you a massage, you need to relax." At the mention of the words 'stiff' and 'massage', a certain part of my anatomy did indeed become 'stiff' and wanted a 'massage'. I quickly stifle a groan and turn over, hoping that Scully didn't get to see anything of that display. Oh, I'd love to be massaged by her, by those soft, strong hands, but I daren't risk it. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Scully." "Why, Mulder?" I can feel her move closer to me and she reaches out and caresses my hair. Do you know what that does to me, Scully? "Because I don't trust myself," I finally admit. "How can you ever forgive me after what I did to how? How can you bear to touch me?" "I have forgiven you, Mulder. I forgave you a long time ago." "You did?" I turn over to look at her. Her face is blurry and I realise I'm crying. "Why didn't you tell me?" "Oh, Mulder," she leans down towards me and places my head against her breast, rocking me against her body. "I don't think it would matter whether or not I had forgiven you, Mulder. You need to forgive yourself." "I don't know if I can, Scully," I croak. "What I did - what I did to you was terrible." "But you're sorry, aren't you?" "Of course. I never wanted to hurt you, Scully." "I know, Mulder. Apology accepted. We'll say no more about it," she pats my head, leaning closer to me and her breast comes into contact with my mouth. I nuzzle her through the layers of fabric and I hear her moan. I venture further and begin to undo the buttons on her blouse. "Mulder," she gasps. "What are you doing?" I don't think it's a reprimand, but I stay my hand for a moment anyway. "Exploring," I say. "Exploring?" she echoes. "Yes," I trace a finger form the curve of her neck to the valley between her breasts. "The explorer goes from the plains to the valley between the two mountains. He doesn't know which mountain to climb first. They are both covered in snow, but soon a thaw comes," I pluck at the white lace bra, easing it away form her breasts and exposing her nipples. I gently kiss the left, then the right and am rewarded as they stand to attention. "Oh, God, Mulder!" she says as she writhes beside me. "Tell me you want this, Scully." "I want this, Mulder. I want you," she sighs and pulls me up to kiss her, so I am finally able to lose myself in the sweetness of her mouth. ***** Mulder's mouth on my breast becomes a distant memory when his lips meet mine for the first time. I have wondered about kissing him for so long, his lips were just made to be kissed. I have daydreamed of those lusicous, full lips locked with my own for seven years and now it's finally happening. I feel as though I'm floating. As his kiss gets deeper, more intense, we lock tongues and I feel a delicious throbbing ache between my thighs. I wonder if he can tell how much I want him to touch me there, to put me out of my misery. All too soon he breaks away from me, but he is smiling and there is a mischievous glint in his eyes. My breath cathces in my throat. Does he know what that smile of his does to me? I'm a shaking, quivering mass of jelly. I want to be eaten. I want to be devoured whole. "The explorer has been sidetracket by a beautiful siren, who would have killed him with her kisses if he stayed to long, so he must escape and continue on his journey." Mulder lowers his head, at the same time pushing me back onto the bed. "He leaves the mountains behind for a vast desert plain." I feel his lips and tongue cover every inch of flesh from breast to navel. My skin is on fire wherever he touches me. He stops at my navel and looks up at me. "But wait, what has he found? An oasis in the desert. The explorer leans over the side of the pool and drinks his fill." Mulder's head dips again and I feel his tongue licking around my belly button, in my belly button. I've never felt anything like it as I moan and squirm on the bed, wanting so much more. "Oh, Mulder, please!" I beg "The explorer continues on his journey," as he says it, he unzips my skirt and I lift my hips so he can pull it off. I'd already removed my pantyhose when I woke up earlier on Mulder's couch. All that lies between Mulder and where I want him to be is a scrap of white cotton. "The explorer continues his journey, finding the forest also capped in snow. He walks on the snow for a while, enjoying the fresh air." Mulder's hands indeed walk on the snow of my panties, playing, teasing. Too much teasing. I don't want to be teased. "No," I gasp. "The snow melts," I say and try unsuccessfully to remove my underwear. Mulder helps and soon they are lying on the floor next to the skirt. "At last the explorer reaches his destination, the enchanted forest," he smiles at me before he lowers his head to the tangle of curls between my legs. I gasp as I feel him licking, kissing, nibbling and I grab his hair, I'm almost arched off the bed, what he's doing to me feels so good. I feel myself wet from his kisses and my own juices. "Oh, God, Mulder, Mulder!" I press his head tight against me as I feel the orgasm swell. I'm seeing stars, but even before the last spasm has subsided I can feel the pressure building up again. I push his head gently away and lay him flat on his back. I make short work of pulling down his pyjama bottoms and soon I glide myself down on his erection. He slides in easily, and soon he is moaning and writhing beneath me. Mulder reaches up to touch my breasts, squeezing them a lot more forcefuly than earlier. I'm so aroused, it feels good. I can tell from his thrusts that he isn't going to be long. "Come for me, Mulder. Let me see you come." Both his hands grab me around the waist as he thrusts up into me, faster and faster, filling every inch of me. "Scully! Oh Sculleeee!" The last is a wail as he comes, holding me tighter on him, filling me with his essence. I feel it inside me and the feeling makes my insides contract, milking him dry and I clutch at him wildly until the trembling subsides. I don't think I'll be able to walk for a week Mulder kisses me gently on the forehead, pusing a hair away from my face. This is what it should have been like, that first time. I reslove to foget the other, this was our first time. "I love you, Scully," Mulder mumbles sleepily, a cat who got the cream grin on his face. I smile indulgently at him. Do all men want to fall asleep after sex? "I love you too, Mulder." I gently move off him, feeling sticky after our lovemaking. I debate whether or not to have a shower. It's too late, I decide and just remove the rest of my clothes. I cuddle up nest to him, my head resting on his chest. There won't be any more nightmares tonight. I'm sure of it. THE END feedback to penguin2@cableinet.co.uk or annette.gisby@which.net -- check out my x-files fanficiton at http://homepages.which.net/~annette.gisby/index.htm