From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 22 Jun 2006 08:02:19 -0000
Subject: Retreat by JG
Source: direct

Reply To: starbuck0925@gmail.com


Title Retreat
Author JG (starbuck0925@gmail.com)
Category MSR
Rating Not for the kids.
Though I would give it a strong PG-13, 
though to be on the safe side, 
Lets say soft R.
Spoilers the show has ended, 
but not the need for fanfic.
Small ones FTF, One Son,  
The Sixth Extinction 2: Amor Fati
Disclaimer If only. 
FOX and CC own them as we all know.
Summery
How did she get from the couch to the bathroom?
All things story


I wake slowly my eyes adjusting to the dark room with only     
the soft light from the fish tank 
giving any real illumination to his apartment.  
I look down at the soft afghan 
that he must have thrown over me 
as I slept on the soft leather couch  
that we have both spent countless hours on, 
going over this and that, 
but tonight was different,
tonight I allowed him to see a part of me  
that so few know of. 

Why had I taken so long to tell him things,    
perhaps its my way of not making things   
complicated.     
But in my mind I know this isnt true; 
things are always so complicated between us  
just like at work we constantly test the boundaries  
only to retreat later on. 
And sometimes it is hard to go back, 
for awhile there I thought that we were both ready, 
the almost kiss in his hallway 
the words that passed between us,  
the small touches, gestures  
and just when we were on the 
verge of admitting it to ourselves
and to each other how we feel, 
he didn't trust me about Diana.   
Why I am still angry about this, 
I do not know, but then a few months  
ago he apologized for it. 
Was that his way of saying  
that he wanted that admission? 
that he wanted us to be more?  
Mulder constantly confuses me. 

Often times I feel in the dark wondering,  
waiting for him to grab my hand 
and pull me into the light with him.  
And some times I leave him in the dark as well,   
especially about the personal stuff.  
Did I finally decide to break   
that wall down between us? 
To allow myself to tell Mulder how I feel, 
I'm not sure that I could even begin 
to explain this to him.   
Maybe I should just go home and think
about all of this another time. 
Any kind of action,
and we might get to a point
were retreating is not an option. 
Even through everything
we have been through,
I do not think that anything 
could compare to losing Mulder,  
not Melissa, not cancer, or even Emily. 
If it shouldnt work out then what do we do? 
Go our separate ways? 
Give up this friendship that has been built on pain,
trust, understanding, love?
This is defiantly not the time to think about this. 

What is that sound?
Has it been coming from his room the whole time? 
I slowly slide off the couch; 
the one thing in my life that 
has always gotten me in the most trouble is curiosity. 
And even though Im afraid to talk to Mulder now, 
that sound intrigues me more, 
and soon I find myself pushing 
the bedroom door slowly open. 
Mulder is asleep on one side clad 
in a white t-shirt, and soft cotton pants, 
the sound was of his fan in the corner. 
I smile softly and move slowly to the bed 
intent on giving him a soft kiss on the cheek
for everything he has done for me tonight, 
and well ever, 
before I retreat to my own apartment. 
I lean over him his breathe grazes my skin 
sending a small shiver down my body. 
I look upon his face before slowly descending 
and somehow I find myself kissing 
his lips instead of my intended cheek. 

He stirs slowly and soon is kissing me back. 
Perhaps it is at this point that 
I actually distinguished the fact
that I had missed and 
accidentally kissed him on the lips instead,
or perhaps it wasnt a mistake at all 
and he moved or I had been so tired 
that I allowed my emotions
to get the better of me, 
whatever the reason it was probably 
one of the best mistakes of my life. 
His kiss made my whole body tingle 
his lips still lingered of the sweet honey
he had in the tea, 
and the gentle pressure that he was applying 
was more than enough to dissuade 
any reason to stop. 
I pull back slowly allowing 
his taste to stay on my lips
as I breathe out slowly. 
I look at him to even see 
if has registered any of this. 
Thats when I hear the whisper 
that had confirmed my early beliefs 
of his feelings.

"Scully," he says his smile is one 
of the classic Mulder smiles
that I sometimes think he saves just for me. 
His eyes slowly open 
and as his long lashes flutter 
Im still finding it hard to believe 
that I had made this error. 
I lick my lips as he looks at me, 
his taste sill lingering there and 
his eyes look at me in curiosity, 
perhaps its both of ours weakness, 
this need to know. 

I stammer and mutter something about thank
him for the tea and that I will him tomorrow 
before I feel the need to run to the door
before we cant go back. 
I turn feeling tears burning my eyes. 
"So stupid Dana" I tell myself, 
damn curiosity getting me into 
much more trouble than ever before.
I start to walk hoping that Mulder 
doesnt see it as a run, like I feel it is. 
Mulder however anticipates this 
and grabs my arm 
gentling pulling me back to him, 
oh god oh god, 
I turn slowly and 
look at him he has moved positions 
and now is sitting up 
with his feet falling on the floor
to the side of the bed. 
I bite my lip looking back at him. 
I have no response, no scientific explanation, 
nothing to offer him as far as reasons. 

He tugs my suit jacket 
pulling my face close to him. 
And surprise, surprise, 
Mulder lips press against mine. 
And all the regrets that 
I just felt have washed away
with his smooth lips 
I give much more willingly 
then I ever thought possible. 
His tongue is gentle in pushing my lips apart. 
His hands have found their way
under my jacket and are trying to take it off. 
I oblige and let it fall to the floor, 
never allowing our lips to separate. 
Soon his hands have found a new mission 
and are pulling my hips into his lap, 
he sits me in his lap 
his kisses are more desperate now, 
as are my own. 
I moan under the force of our increasing kisses, 
Mulder apparently takes this as a sign 
that I am more than willing
to continue this is in a better position,
he shifts me off his lap 
and lies me down onto the bed, 
I melt into his sheets and pillows and 
Mulder angles himself above me 
his body now pressing against me into his bed. 
His kisses become deeper, 
but his hands no longer wonder, 
I however can not
say the same thing about my own 
and soon enough my own hand slips
under his shirt caressing his skin. 
He shivers under my touch 
and I smile against his lips. 
He kisses me again but pulls away. 
Perhaps I shouldnt have move my hands at all. 
He grabs my hand away from his skin. 
I search his eyes desperate to know
what was going through his head. 
He looks at me 
and I see his adams apple drop slowly. 

"I, we, I cant go back from this " 
he says to me, 
he looks into my eyes pleading with me, 
I dont know what to say. 
I swallow hard, biting my lip, 
it still taste like him. 
"Damnit Scully," he says his hand 
releases mine and his other hand 
runs through his hair. 
He goes to move off of me, but I stop him. 
My hand goes back under his shirt 
as does my other, 
moving up his smooth skin.
He looks at me, 
genuinely surprised at this action. 
I give him a huge smile, 
and pull his shirt over his shoulders. 
My fingers trace the small scar
from the bullet I shot at him. 
I concentrate on this spot 
my eyes not meeting his. 
"Im not going to retreat this time, 
Mulder, Im sure I want this, but are you?" 
I ask finally letting my eyes drift up to his. 
He leans down and kisses me 
pressing his body against mine.
Anymore thoughts of retreating are quickly 
forgotten.        

Authors Note: 
I apologize for the editing. 
My computer is not cooperating as well as I would like. 
But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 

Poor college students need food too. 
Please feed with feedback. 
It is very appreciated 
and is much more filling for the mind then Mac and Cheese. 
(starbuck0925@gmail.com)