********************************************************************* This author's e-mail address has changed to: rainydays@softhome.net ********************************************************************* From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Angharad=20Wade?= Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 13:33:31 +0000 (GMT) Subject: Revelations II: Expectations (1/1) by Angharad Source: direct TITLE: Expectations (1/1) AUTHOR: Angharad E-MAIL ADDRESS: sweet_roses_2000_uk@yahoo.co.uk DISTRIBUTION: No Archive. Story will be on my website at http://uk.geocities.com/little_corner_2000/ CATEGORY: Vignette, Scully POV, Scully angst, Post ep (sort of) KEYWORDS: MS friendship/UST evolving into MSR RATING: PG SPOILERS: Minor reference to Orison DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from the X Files; they are the property of Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. SUMMARY: Trapped in Mulder's apartment during a bad storm, they discover some revelations about each other. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks Kate! :) We're working on a case, Mulder and I, when suddenly it starts to rain, causing me to look up. It's coming down in torrents; I can hear it drumming against the roof. Glancing outside at the dark night, I see the rain lashing against the windowpane. Looks like a storm, I muse. I'd better get back to my own apartment. I get up to leave, telling Mulder, "I'd better get back to my apartment." For a second there, I'm sure I saw a flash of panic in his eyes before he too got up from the couch saying, "you can't Scully. The storm's too bad. You'll be safer if you stay here." I start to protest, saying that I can make it in time but Mulder is walking over to the window, watching the rain. He turns to face me before saying, "look," indicating the rain, "the rain only started a few minutes ago and it looks pretty bad already. Stay here. You'll be safer," he adds again. I too walk over to the window, studying the rain. It does look pretty bad, I muse, and it's only the beginning. I sigh, turning to face him, "ok. I'll stay. Looks like it's going to be a long night. Got anything to eat?" Mulder just grins. I can't figure that man out sometimes, I think, as I watch him head to the kitchen. I sit back down on the couch, this time making myself comfortable, leaning against the back. I put my feet up on the coffee table, crossing my legs. I then close my eyes for a few moments, listening to the comforting sounds of Mulder moving around the kitchen. Listening to the cupboards opening and slamming, the dishes rattling and the rustling packets of food, I smile to myself; it's a wonder he can find anything in his kitchen. Hearing Mulder's quiet chuckle, I open my eyes and turn my head so I'm facing him. We watch each other in silence before my conscience kicks in; you're staring at your partner Dana, your platonic partner, it mocks. Glancing away from his intense hazel eyes, I notice the food on the coffee table, "popcorn Mulder?" I ask, facing him again. He just shrugs with an amused smile on his face. To be honest I'm surprised Mulder managed to find anything edible in his kitchen, but I'm hungry so I take a handful and eat them one by one, settling against the couch again. I watch him pour the wine into the wine glasses. Handing me one he asks, "what do you wanna do?" I take a sip before answering, "I don't know." I do know but I don't know if I'm ready yet. I stare at the wall, holding the glass of wine for comfort, trying to summon up the courage to tell him. I can't hide this from him any longer but to reveal how I'm truly feeling...I don't know if I can do that without cracking some of the barriers I've constructed around my heart. If I were to be honest, it's not my feelings that I'm afraid to admit but of having myself exposed, laid bare under his scrutiny. That scares the hell out of me; I've been protecting myself for so long, I don't know if I can live without the emotional barriers I've constructed so carefully. But I feel a steel of resolve flow through me; whatever happens now, I know he'll always be there for me. I glance at him to admit my feelings but before I can, the room suddenly plunges into darkness. I can't help shouting out, "Mulder!" I hate the panic I hear in my voice. If I can hear it, then he must too. I curse myself for feeling weak, for panic flowing through me when I know there's nothing to be scared of in the dark; it's an irrational fear. The darkness is in the daylight, in our work. I feel his warm hand grab mine, squeezing it tightly. I feel comfort flow through me, replacing some of the fear. The room suddenly lights up under the warm beam of the flashlight, making me feel calmer now that I can see the objects in the room that were looming out at me amongst the shadows in the darkness. He sits down next to me again, though fractionally closer and asks me if I'm ok. I pause, not sure if I have the courage I need. It's obvious I don't when I answer, "I'm fine." Such a weak reply. I feel the waves of anger rolling off him. I'm sorry Mulder. He pushes me, asking, "wanna talk about it?" I glance at him again, half of me cursing him for pushing me, the other thankful; I need to be pushed into answering him before I lose what little courage I have. But I turn back to my original position, staring at the wall. I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to gather the courage I have deep within me. Finding it, I say quietly, "do you mind if we talk?" I hear him say, "go ahead Scully." "I have a confession to make," I start, faltering into silence as my newfound courage momentarily deserts me. He waits for me to answer. It gives me the strength to go on. "I've been having nightmares." There, I've said it. I then admit reluctantly, "that's why I shouted out," ashamed at having shouted out in the first place. "I'm sorry Mulder." For not letting you in, I add silently. "What have you got to be sorry for?" he answers back. I know where he's leading with this. He believes that nothing is my fault, but his. Not this time, I think sadly. I gesture with my hands, trying to explain, "for everything. For the way I've been towards you since Donnie Pfaster. For being so cold when all I wanted was for you to comfort me." To my horror I can hear a hint of desperation in my voice. I silently curse Pfaster; damn you for doing this to me. I know Mulder'll protest but I cut him off, I need to finish before my courage drains away. "No. I need to say this. I realise I needed some time to come to terms with what I'd done. I know he was evil but did I kill him out of vengeance for what he'd done to me?" Tears fill my eyes and I try to avoid Mulder's penetrating gaze. His hazel eyes are full of concern and love. Yes, I can see the love he has for me in his dark hazel eyes, dark with concern overshadowing them. I feel his warm arm curl around my shoulder. I welcome the comfort it brings and I allow him to pull me to his warm side. We stay like that for several minutes until my pounding heart has settled. I feel Mulder lift my chin ever so gently with his fingertips so I'm facing him. I feel myself drowning in his hazel eyes before he leans forward to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I'm not surprised; all along our feelings have been underlying each look, each touch, each action we made. I manage a weak smile to show him I'm grateful. I lean back into his embrace, at peace with myself for the time being. A comfortable silence settles around us. The End ===== A Little Corner - http://littlecorner.bravepages.com/index.html Visit my other X Files sites there too :)