From: "Lisa J." Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2000 22:36:28 GMT Subject: MSR Source: direct By: Scullystar(formerly Mithrandir) Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Ten Thirteen Productions and of course Chris Carter. NO money was made from this story. Don't sue...please... Rating: PG-13 for some strong language Archive anywhere as long as my name stays attached (c: Category: MRS Spoilers: Millennium, Amor Fati, Fight The Future, Memento Mori Summery: Diana Fowley returns after her supposed death, wanting Mulder to take her back. Mulder must face his feelings about Diana and Scully. The Road Not Taken Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Januaray 8th 1999 6:15 a.m. Washington D.C. Fox Mulder wasn't paying attention to the road as he drove to work. There were a number of red lights he had run and a few pedestrians he had almost knocked over as they walked the snowy streets of The Nation's capital. He couldn't think straight though. Not after what had happened last night. Mulder had thought he was meeting up with an informant with some possible leads on the new case he and Scully had been assigned. He was to meet a man called "Jed" in a low-life bar on the outskirts of D.C. What he got when he arrived was not what he had been expecting at all. In fact, he had almost passed out. There in a booth in the corner of the smokey bar room sat Diana Fowley. Her eyes were sunken and there were dark circles under them. Her hair had been bleached blonde and cut short over her ears. Her clothes were shabby and she looked sick and unrested. Mulder had quickly sat down and demanded the whole story out of her. She was, after all, supposed to be dead. Scully had come to tell him personally for god's sake! Diana had betrayed the Smoking Man and had been punished, she had told him. She was to be kept alive, but barely, and she had a whole new identity. When she had given that book and her card key to Scully to help her save Mulder's life, she gave up her safe place in humanity. The Cancer Man had taken everything away from her, and now she had come to offer herself back to Mulder. To apologize and to ask him to help her escape the man who was the cause of everything. Mulder listened to her explain everything to him from the very beginning. He took it all in and when she was done, got up and told her to follow him. When they reached his car, Diana asked where they were going. " Where do you live now?" he had asked. She told him of an old run-down apartment complex near the bar and watched as Mulder opened the car door for her. " What does this mean, Fox?"she had asked quietly. " It means that I don't want to have anything else to do with you from this point on, Diana. It means that you betrayed me from the start, tried to keep Scully and I apart and used our past involvement to sucker me in from the beginning. You used me. You let that Smoking Bastard use me and now you want me to take you back? And for what? For all I know this is some last pathetic attempt to keep using me. I will not be a part of these lies and these games anymore, Diana, do you understand? I don't want any kind of life with you. I had that life in my dreams while I was in that coma, and I knew that was not the life I was meant for the moment I woke up. I knew that was not anything I wanted. I can't have a life with you, Diana, b/c I don't love you. I don't even want to see you after tonight. Now get in the car, and I'll drive you home." Diana had walked off after that and had refused any attempt he made to get her to accept a ride home from him. Finally she had gone up to the car window and told him that it wouldn't be that last time he saw her and to be careful of what he said to her from now on. He had driven away after that, worried and pissed off all at the same time. He debated all the way home whether or not to tell Scully, and he was still debating now, as he pulled into the parking garage of the FBI building. The whole thing was, he had loved Diana once and at one time if she had come back and asked him to be a part of her life romantically again, he would have jumped at the chance. But that was years ago. Seeing her again in the past year, working with her, had stirred up old memories, and feelings that he had thought he had gotten over. For one thing, the relationship had been tempestuous to say the least and second, he was deeply in love with his partner. But the knowledge that he might never be in a romantic relationship with Scully was growing each day and he wanted companionship, so he had stupidly gotten involved with Diana again. Even though it went against his better judgement and even though every time he saw Scully he felt like an asshole, he continued until the point he was believing Diana over Scully and letting Diana lead him to believe that Scully was against him, even though he knew better. He couldn't help it. Everything the he wanted that could be considered normal he knew Diana would give him. He loved the X-Files and he loved Scully, but he was quickly losing sight of all that the more he got involved with Diana Fowley. The one thing that made him think, really think about everything was when he woke up from the coma to see Scully looking down at him, tears in her blue eyes, love in them. He knew at that moment that every thing he had dreamed was a lie. Everything he thought he had wanted was nothing if it wasn't with Scully. When she had come to see him to tell him Diana was dead, he had had an epiphany. He had realized at that moment that everything he was and everything that he could ever want was in the woman that stood before him. It wasn't like realizing that everything he wanted was reachable. It was knowing that everything he ever wanted was right there and had always been there, and he had almost grabbed her and dragged her into his apartment when she kissed his forehead and ran her slender fingers over his lips. Now he had to go into work and wait for her to get there so he could tell her or not tell her what had happened the night before. It was driving him insane. He was reluctant and he couldn't think of any reason why. She had a right to know that a fellow agent was alive...but then again, this particular agent and Scully hated one another...but then again, Scully wasn't one to hold a grudge...was she? The main thing was wondering if Scully was going to think he had known Fowley had been alive all along and whether or not she would believe that he hadn't. After all, Mulder had blown Scully off numerous times in favor of Diana in the past few months and he wasn't sure how over all that Scully was...or if she was. Mulder walked to his office still in his own world, ignoring the 'hello's' he received from other agents, breathing a sigh of relief as he reached his basement office. He rushed in, wanting to sit at his own desk and think before Scully got there. He took his coat off and turned just I time to hear Scully say " Good morning, Mulder." Xxxxxxxxxxxxx Mulder looked around the room before meeting Scully's eyes. " Uh, good morning, Scully" Scully eyed him for a moment. " Are you alright, Mulder?' She asked carefully. " Sure, Scully, why wouldn't I be?" Scully shrugged. " I don't know. How's that report coming along? Skinner wants it on his desk by this afternoon, remember?" Mulder nodded. " I remember. It's all done. I just need to print it out. My printer at home is busted." "How did that happen?" she asked, already having a pretty good idea. " Er...I knocked it over with my basketball..." Scully smiled. " I had a feeling." The day was pretty uneventful for the two agents. Mulder was still trying to think of a good way to tell Scully about Diana when Scully announced she was going to leave a little early, and started packing up her stuff. Mulder panicked. "Scully, wait!" Scully turned to look at Mulder. "Is something wrong, Mulder? Really, you've been acting strange all day long." " I have?" " Yes you have. Now what's the matter?" " Nothing. Really, Scully, I'm fine. I guess I just didn't sleep all that well last night." *Well, he thought, at least that part is true.* Mulder had been up almost until he had to go into work that morning, thinking about his encounter with Diana. "Ok", Scully said, "what's up then, Mulder?" " I just was wondering what you were up to tonight, I guess..." Scully arched one perfect eyebrow at him and grinned. " Why?" she asked Mulder looked at her like a scared animal for a second before he could think of anything to say. " I just was wondering because I wanted to call you later about the case...I left some of my notes at home and I wanted to go over them with you," Mulder lied. Scully knew from the way that had come out that he was lying through his teeth. She couldn't imagine what the problem was, but she decided that, rather than just play along, she should call him on it. " Well, Mulder, why don't you come over later? It would make more sense, don't you think?" * oh shit oh shit oh shit* Mulder thought. Now what? " Um, ok. Yea, that sounds fine. Do you want me to bring anything?" " Why don't you pick up something to eat on the way over? I know we'll get hungry." " Any preference?" "Surprise me," she smiled. "Ok, Scully, be careful driving home. I think it's gotten worse since this morning." " Will do, Mulder. See you around 8:00?" Mulder nodded and watched as she left the office. He collapsed back into his chair as soon as the door closed behind her. What had he gotten himself into? He felt like calling her and telling her he couldn't make it. But that would have been really lame, and he needed to tell Scully everything. About Diana, about his feelings for her...about how she was everything to him. He felt really stupid about all of this. He shouldn't be this concerned about telling Scully that Diana was alive. There had been many times that people had shown up alive after they both thought they had been killed. She wouldn't think that he had been keeping this from her on purpose, right? Mulder decided to go home then. He would change and relax a little before going over to Scully's apartment. Now there was a bigger problem at hand. Would she want Thai or a Pizza? Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Dana Scully's apartment 7:10 P.M. Scully dressed slowly in front of her full-length mirror and wondered what Mulder had been preoccupied with all day. She pulled on a form-fitting light blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans and inspected herself. Not bad. Ok, now, to wait for Mulder to get there. There had been a lot of questions she had for him rolling around in her head for the past few weeks. After she had gone to tell Mulder that Diana Fowley was dead, she had come to a realization. Not only did she love Mulder, but it was beginning to get really difficult to hide it now. They had worked together for seven years. There had been a growing attraction there from the beginning. But after her cancer had gone into remission two years earlier, that's when she really realized that she loved her partner. She never told him, but the night he had come into her hospital room and cried at her bedside, she had been aware of him there. She did not open her eyes or give any indication that she was awake because she knew that he needed that time to cry. She knew that he would not have let himself show such emotion in front of her if she had been awake. So she had pretended to sleep and never uttered a word to him about it. She knew then that what he felt for her was more than just partnerly concern or platonic friendship. She knew that he loved her then, and when he poured his heart out to her last year in the hallway, she had known that she had wanted him more than any other time she could remember. If only certain insects didn't have such bad timing. Then their relationship had taken a considerable turn. Mulder had kissed her on New Year's Eve. And she had kissed him back. And they had liked it...but nothing was said about it after it happened and she was afraid that nothing would be said about it. Now she waited for the right time, knowing that the right time might never come. She knew she needed to do something soon, but was admittedly scared. Scully sat down on her plush couch and waited for Mulder to get there. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Fox Mulder's apartment 7:15 p.m. Mulder sighed as he opened the door to his dark apartment. He decided to get dressed first before making an order to the pizza place. He walked into his bedroom, still a mystery to him how he actually came to acquire a waterbed, and flicked on the light. He froze. There before him stood Diana. " How the hell did you get in here?" he growled. Diana smiled at him and took a step closer to him. " I have my ways." " I want you out of here, Diana." " Oh, now, Fox, come on. Do you really want me to leave? After everything? Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I didn't make you happy?" Mulder looked at her, amazed. She was crazy. " Diana, listen to me. What we had was very difficult for me to forget for a long time. After you left for Europe, and I started working The X-Files by myself, I realized that what I wanted was to find my sister and a relationship would have just gotten in the way." " What about Scully?" Diana demanded. She knew that Mulder had deep feelings for Scully and it drove her insane. " Scully is my partner. We are friends, that's all. That's all we've been for 7 years." Diana looked at him, unbelieving. " What about us? What about what happened between us after I came back? You can't tell me it was a mistake, can you, Fox?" " It was a mistake. It was a mistake because I didn't love you anymore. I shouldn't have gotten involved with you, but seeing you again brought back so many memories, it was hard to stay away for a while. But then I realized something. Everything you gave me was what I wanted. The love the companionship and the understanding. But I realized a long time ago that I had that from someone already, I was just too stupid to do anything about it. I wanted all the things you gave me, Diana...but I didn't want them from you. I realized that you were just using what we had together to keep me away from The X-Files and the truth and I was letting you because I thought that I wanted what you offered me. But I have things that I have to do in my life. I have The X-Files and I have the search for my sister, and most of all I have Scully. I knew that moment I woke up from the coma and saw her looking at me that everything I wanted was in her and it always had been. I am sorry that things turned out the way they did for you, Diana, but you got what you deserved. You screwed with the wrong people and they screwed you." " Fox, I love you. You know that. You have to know that. The Smoking Man is only keeping my alive because I know things about you. I don't want to betray you anymore, Fox, please you have to believe me." " You really expect me to trust you after everything you've pulled. You've lied to me about everything. You were in on everything from the beginning. I won't get involved in that again. Maybe you loved me once, but right now I think you're just here because that smoking bastard sent you here. Now, come on, Diana. I think you should leave." Diana looked at him with tears in her dark eyes and her fists balled until he knuckles were white. " You're making a mistake, Fox. I can't believe you're picking Scully over me. You know I love you. You have to believe me. Don't do this." Mulder took Diana's arm and led her to the door. " I don't want to see or hear from you again, do you understand?" He felt like he was talking to a 12 year-old. Diana stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her. Mulder shook his head. What the hell had possessed her to come there and pull that shit? Mulder made up his mind. He was definitely going to tell Scully everything and he meant everything. He quickly got changed and made a quick call to the pizza place. This was certainly going to be a night he would not soon forget. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Dana Scully's apartment 7:55 p.m. On her couch, Scully sat watching an old movie, waiting for Mulder's arrival. He had been acting so strange. She wondered if he was alright. If there was something on his mind. She heard knocking and got up, peering through the fish-eye lens. Of course she knew it was Mulder, but she always checked anyway. She smiled as he grinned widely, knowing she was looking at him through the peephole. Scully opened the door and smiled at her partner as he stepped in past her. " I hope you like sausage, Scully." She nodded and took the pizza from him as he took off his coat and sat down on the couch. " What's up, Mulder?" she called from the kitchen. " Nothing much. Should we indulge and have a glass of wine with our fine Italian meal?" Scully came back in with two plates and napkins. " Wine and pizza. How classy," she joked. Mulder smiled. He liked seeing her like this. Relaxed and happy and joking with him. Mulder took the plates and napkins from her and served the pizza while Scully went to go get the wine and glasses. When she came back, Mulder was already on his second slice. " Hungry?" she asked. He nodded while cheese dripped from the pizza onto his chin. Scully smiled and shook her head. " So, Mulder, what is it that you wanted to go over?" Mulder wiped his chin clean with the napkin and looked at her for a second. " Well, actually...I didn't want to talk to you about the case." Scully nodded. " I was wondering why you didn't have any case notes with you." " Yea. Here, sit down. I don't know how long this is going to take." Scully sat down, a worried expression on her face. He handed her plate of pizza, but she put it back on the coffee table, too anxious to eat. Mulder took a deep breath and looked at Scully. " Ok...here's the whole story. Last night I was supposed to meet someone in a bar. They said that they had some information for us on this new case. I knew we were hitting a dead end on this one, Scully, so I went. When I got there...It was Diana Fowley." " What?! I thought..." Mulder nodded. " Yea, I did too, but apparently, she isn't. Anyway, I had her tell me everything. She said that when she gave you that book and her key the Smoking man found out and confronted her. She told him what she had done and he had her death faked. She said he was keeping her alive because she knows things about me and he wants to use her to get to me. She asked me to forgive her. She was in on everything the whole time. She knew everything and kept it from me. She lied about everything. She knew you knew she was lying so she tried to keep me away from you. I'm sorry, Scully." Scully sat there for a minute. " Sorry about what?" she finally asked. " I'm sorry for trusting her. I'm sorry for believing her over you and I'm sorry for letting her drive us apart. When I was in that coma, I had dreams about what my life would be like if I wasn't on the X-Files anymore. I was married to Diana, and we had children, and Deep throat was alive and we all lived in the same neighborhood. Even the Smoking man. When you came to tell me about Diana, I told you that even after everything you were always my friend. My constant...my touchstone. I meant every word. I should have told you this a long time ago. I know I said a lot to you when you came here when you were going to transfer before the X-Files were re-opened. I should have told you everything then, but I was still scared. I don't think I realized what I feel. When I woke up and saw that you had come to save me...everything in my dreams became you. I realized that what I wanted was you. You are everything to me, and everything that I am is in you. It's always been that way. It took so much for me to realize that and it took so long to tell you, but I want to let you know everything now." Scully felt tears come to her eyes. " Mulder, I don't know what to say...I guess I've been waiting to hear all this for so long..." Mulder took her hands in his. " Scully. I had such a wonderful life in m dreams, but I knew that something was wrong with it. It was wrong because it was Diana in my dreams, not you. I wanted everything I was going through to be with you, not her. I want that life, Scully. I want us to be in love that like. When I kissed you on New Year's Eve...I knew we wouldn't say anything about it. I knew we would be afraid. I want to talk about it now. I think we can handle it." Scully smiled and nodded and went into is embrace. " Mulder, I want that too. I love you. I've wanted this for such a long time and I was beginning to think I was being foolish thinking it would even happen. I'm sorry it took this much to make us realize that we should do something about it before it's too late. I was so happy when you kissed me that night...I didn't know what it meant." Mulder looked down at Scully and smiled. " I think it means that I love you." Mulder knew he must have been grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care. He took Scully's face in his hands and brought his lips down over hers for a sweet kiss. They moved together and the kiss became far more passionate than either had expected. Mulder nipped and Scully's lips and moaned as she suckled his full bottom lip into her mouth. It was amazing to be kissing Dana Scully like this and he didn't want to stop. Finally, they stepped apart, their breathing ragged and their eyes shinning. Scully knew her face must be flushed. Curse her fair Irish skin. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and she had never felt so desired as she did in that moment. " Mulder, I want you to make love to me," she said, her silky voice low and full of promise. Mulder thought he was going to have a heart attack. Did Dana Scully just ask him to make love to her? He must be going insane because this was too good to be true. Mulder took her hands and kissed her fingers. " I would love to," he whispered and pulled her to him for another fevered kiss. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Dana Scully's apartment Time unknown Mulder dreamt again. He dreamt of the little boy and the sand ship they had been building. He saw them together and they were laughing and building in the sand. Mulder felt wonderful. Mulder knew this boy was his son. The little boy looked up suddenly and smiled at the beautiful woman coming toward them. The boy threw his arms around his mother's neck and Mulder watched happily as Scully put the boy down and began helping them build their sand ship. Now everything was perfect. The three of them sat together on the sand, and Mulder knew that his life was going to be perfect because, as usual, he chose the road not taken. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx END! Feedback is a required part of my daily life and part of this balanced breakfast. E-mail me at Scullystar@hotmail.com The Road Not Taken Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost