From: Subject: fanfic 2/05/98 Subject: fanfic Summary: Mulder and Scully sort out some romantic angst. Relationship: MSR Rating: PG (Yeah Yeah I know but I'm only little.) Disclaimer: M&S and other characters are complete property of FOX and CC. I do not own them, I just borrowed them (For better or for worse you decide,) and returned them safely. Nooo! I take it all back. Ha ! Go ahead FOX sue me for all I'm worth. heh heh hee hee the jokes on you I'm a minor, ya can't take me to court! Note: No one tell my mother I read the NC-17!! She'd kill me. Some of Mulders words towards the end are, okay okay, stolen from a couple movies I saw ages ago. Prizes for those who can tell me which movies. Luv it hate it? Tell me why. My first (posted) fanfic & I need your help to become a better writer. Please! Please! Please! raywhite42@gmail.com Warning: Anti-Shippers please don't read this, ya know ya won't like it. Rocky Road By 'Kristy Thomas.' The moment Dana Scully walked into the office she shared with her partner Fox Mulder an icy chill engulfed the room. "I requisitioned us a car. Double homicide I want to take a look at in Baltimore. Is that fine with you?" said Mulder flatly, in a frosty voice not looking up from his desk where he was seated. Scully walked towards the desk and threw her briefcase onto one of the chairs. "Fine Mulder. I'm surprised you even bothered to ask me, you should know we always do whatever you want," she replied snidely matching him with a frigid voice of her own. At that Mulder slowly stood from his desk and looked Scully in the eye for the first time. Her eyes burned into him with nothing but animosity and the threat of open hostility. And knew that his own death-stare expression reflected those exact feelings back at Scully tenfold. He walked rigidly towards the filing cabinet, forcefully yanked it open and began rifling with the contents. He shook his head once and then began; "You wanna know why we always do what I want Scully?" he said scornfully, with his voice rising angrily, practically yelling at her. "It's because I am the primary agent in the x-files section, that means I am in charge and we do whatever the hell I want to do, when I want to do it. You were just assigned to help and to keep tabs on me for them. So don't you give me that bullshit Dana." he said as he slammed the files shut and turned to look at her. Stung by his words even though she knew he didn't really think that, she decided to attack back at him with the one thing he would have trouble making a comeback with: the truth. "Your not my superior Mulder, we're partners and you damn well know it! So why don't you get of your high horse and put your feet back on the ground. Or should I say why don't you pull your head out of the clouds!" she spat in disgust. Mulder was desperately searching his mind for a good comeback and soon realised what they were fighting about; nothing. And he knew why. With this revelation he flopped back into his chair and looked up at her. "God Dana, why do we do this to ourselves? We're fighting for no reason. We were fools to think that this kind of relationship between us could ever work. I still love you but I'm beginning to think it's not worth it. There's just to much pressure for it. If we keep going than it's going to end up costing us our friendship. Is it really worth that? Is it?" he still mad but not letting his anger blind him any further. As Mulder looked towards her for an answer, she realised that he had unconsciously purposely thrown the ball to her to make the final decision because he was to weak to make it himself. At first she could feel her anger dissipating and was about to tell him how much she loved, wanted and needed him. But as suddenly as her anger had dissolved it regenerated with renewed force and before she knew it the words were flying out of her mouth. "Well I suppose that's it then isn't it? I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that there was even a remote chance that it would work. It's over!" yelled Scully as she turned and strode out the door. Mulder sat dumbfounded. He had expected the always sensible, rational and clear headed Scully would calm him down and tell him how irrational he was being and that he was blowing it way out of proportion. The fact that she had done the exact opposite proved to him that she had changed and that he hardly knew her anymore. He felt his frustration and anger rising once more and threw on his jacket and followed her out locking the door behind him. Several months ago the two agents had first admitted their love for one another and things from that moment on had slowly become increasingly difficult. For the first few months the relationship had run smoothly without a hitch and both had enjoyed the ride. But lately cracks had begun to form, starting as small crevices and gradually growing into immense canyons. Their love for each other was still as strong as ever, but small matters had began to provoke large fights. Such as the one they had endured the previous night. They had been sitting on Scully's couch involved in a mixture of activities including; making out, watching a boring movie on TV and eating out of a tub of rocky road ice cream when their fight started. It was by far the biggest they had ever endured and had not been settled, which led to their outbursts this morning. There relationship had been a secret to everyone and they had argued about whether or not it was time to come 'out' and tell the bureau. When they first decided to pursue a relationship together, it had been a mutual agreement not to divulge it to anyone, especially not anyone at the bureau. But after several months Scully thought it wise to come out and reveal their relationship to their colleagues. Mulder had strongly disagreed, although he could not give Scully a decent reason of why he thought it was such bad idea. The argument had bubbled over to other issues and one thing had led to another from there. Mulder reached the elevator just as it arrived, the two stepped in and began ascending without saying a word. Mulder soon opened his mouth to speak but Scully jumped in before he could start. "You know what Mulder," she begun in an uncaring and aggressive tone. "I don't want to be anywhere near you, you irritate me so much I just don't think I can stand it anymore. I'm going home and you can go to Baltimore by yourself." The elevator doors then slid open to reveal the lobby and she was gone before he knew it. Her words had stung him a little and he was once again overcome by his anger and frustration. "Fine. What do I need that bitch for anyway?" he thought, "If she doesn't want to be partners anymore what the hell do I care? I always have and always will work better alone." he thought and then punched in the elevator button for the garage. * * * The homicide at Baltimore was a exercise and didn't appear to be connected to a string of previous murders like Mulder had originally thought. He had spent the day going over the crime scene with the cops and on the way home the afternoon traffic was horrendous and he soon found his mind wandering to other thoughts. He loved Scully but it was just too hard to continue. He wondered what insane state of mind they were in to think that it would work. Their personalities were just too different in so many ways. She was just so blind to any suggestions outside the realm of science even when all the evidence points toward the unexplained, she still refuses to believe. She infuriated him how she could never even consider believing even after seeing it with her own two eyes. She always clung onto a scientific explanation. He was beginning to think she did it just to piss him off. As Mulder began to feel his anger rise in him because of the previous thoughts, Scully too began to find her mind wandering over to her partner. "He's so self-centered! He hardly ever stops to ask my feelings on anything." she thought enraged. "And he always gets mad when I don't believe one of his 'theories' but he just doesn't accept that most times their is a simpler answer in science. I love him, it's just that he can be so dense sometimes, and it frustrates me so much. He just looks to hard for the unexplained, that a simple scientific answer seems to obvious." she thought exasperated as she scrubbed hard into the grime forming in her bath. Scully had left the bureau and had come home but soon found herself with no work and therefore nothing to do. Without truly knowing it she soon found herself cleaning, the perfect escape for a compulsively neat person. It had started with her bed room she had cleaned every square inch of the room and then moved on to the living room and kitchen, doing the same to them. And before she knew it, there she was assaulting the bathroom grime with some cleaner and an old toothbrush. Scully thought about the first time that they met. She had come into his office trying to be friendly to her new partner, but he had prejudged her and despised her on sight. A friendship built on respect and trust had slowly evolved and had become great friends. But it had been fate that they had eventually fallen for each other. He was the best friend she had ever had, and she knew she didn't want to lose him. "Maybe if we tried again, we could......." she thought wistfully for a moment and ruthlessly chastised herself and remembered that he was the one that had suggested the split, and she realised that now she would rather die than admit to Mulder how much she needed him. Scully soon found her bathroom and her entire apartment spotless. She realised that she needed to talk and that there was only one person that had always been there for her and always would. * * * When Mulder returned to his apartment he soon realised that his house was one of the last places he wanted to be. He was trying not to think about Scully and her belongings were all over his house. Some of her clothes were in his closet, her cereal was in the kitchen, her books were on the coffee table, several CD's were amongst his and he even had her toothbrush in his bathroom. He was feeling lonely and soon left to visit some friends he knew would be home. Mulder rapped on the door and soon heard a muffled voice, "That's the pizza guy, where is my wallet?" A moment later the door swung open to reveal a long haired blond man in dark rimmed glasses with a surprised look on his face. "Sorry to disappoint you Langley," said Mulder pushing past him into the office of The Lone Gunmen, "I'll remember to bring food with me next time I drop by." "Well hello, there Mulder," said a scruffy looking Frohike as he flopped down into a chair, near one of the many long benches of the office. "We haven't seen you in ages, you keep blowing us off for chum time with Scully." "And to what honour do we owe this visit, you only see us now when you want something." said Byers arching his eyebrows as he perched himself on top of the desk. Mulder didn't reply as he slid down into one of the desk chairs, and began flicking through and old issue of TLG. He knew Byers was right, he had been ignoring the guys for the last couple of months and had only remembered them when he needed them to look into something. "If you go round treating all you friends like you treat us Mulder than you won't have any left. You're lucky that we put up with you." said Langley adjusting his glasses on his nose. Mulder looked up at Langley and replied sarcastically, "I'm eternally sorry, can you ever forgive me?" They all remained silent and finally Mulder began again. "Well you guys can stop being jealous because Dana and I are no longer together." * * * As soon as Margaret Scully had laid eyes on her daughter she could instantly see that something was wrong. She knew her daughter well enough to know the reason Dana had come to see her was because she had to talk. And she guessed that it was about Mulder. She had ushered her daughter inside boiled some coffee and before she knew it Scully began to open up and tell her mother everything. "I had hoped so much and for so long, you know," admitted Scully as she warmed her hands around her boiling cup of coffee. "I thought that it would be perfect between us since we've always been such great friends. And for a while there it was perfect and I was beginning to think that he was, the one. But it has all come undone in a few hours." she finished in a soft voice. Mrs. Scully's heart went out to her daughter and took a quick moment to think about what would be the best thing to say. She judged the situation in her mind and decided that she wouldn't say anything to persuade her daughter either way as it was her decision, even though her heart and soul was screaming out that Fox Mulder was the best thing that ever happened to her daughter. "How did you leave it with him, honey?" she asked. "We were yelling and just before I left, I think I may have said that I don't want to be friends anymore." she said quietly before taking another sip of her coffee. Scully looked sorrowfully towards her mother in hope that she would give her some form of guidance. And it pained her so much to see her daughter in this predicament that she decided that she would have to stop sitting on the fence pole and do what she thought was best. "Dana I'm sure it's not to late to make up. If you go to see him and explain things I'm sure it'll get worked out. If he still loves you as much as you love him then he'll understand and apologise for what he said." "I don't know Mom, maybe this is for the best." she said and then saw her mother's bewilded expression pressing for further explanation. "We're two completely different people, and maybe it's better that it ended before it became too serious." On hearing this Mrs. Scully was completely stunned. She had believed for quite awhile that Dana and Fox were fantastic together and had leaped for joy when she discovered that they had realised it too. And from that point on she had assumed that it was only a matter of time until they would eventually get married. Mrs. Scully reached for her daughter's hand and then once she was absolutely sure she had her attention she began to speak. "Can I please tell you what I honestly think?" she asked and received a nod in reply. "I think now and I have thought for awhile that Fox is perfect for you. You guys get along beautifully together and although you too don't have all that much in comman, it's proof that opposites attract." Her daughters expression told her that she wasn't totally convinced so she decided to press her point further. "He's intelligent, sweet, funny and handsome. How much more do you need honey?" "I don't need anything else, but I know he doesn't feel that way about me anymore." she said frustrated. "How do you know. I bet he's probably mopeing around at some friends place right now." * * * The three gunmen looked at each other and then back at Mulder. No one said anything for a moment, and then finally Langley asked, "Did she end it?" "It was kinda a mutual thing but I think I may have suggested it." replied Mulder nonchalantly. "Hold on a second Mulder," started Frohike pulling his chair closer to Mulder. "You say you suggested splitting up?" "Yeah, we had an argument over something, started yelling at each other and that was it. I don't think she even wants to be friends." "And you don't want to get back together or anything?" asked Langley. "No, it was stupid and naive to think it would work. I'm surprised it lasted this long." he said without an ounce of regret. "So that's it then?" said Frohike which he received a nod in reply. The gunmen looked at each, smiled and then shook their heads in disgust. Mulder noticed and then frowned, "What?" he said. They looked at each other again and Frohike decided to speak. "For awhile now we've always thought that you were a little crazy but we were way off. Your completely fucked in the head." Mulder frowned and looked a little confused so Byers decided totake up the challenge. "Look Mulder, maybe your mother dropped you on your head when you were little, maybe you belong in a psyche ward, I don't know maybe your just a complete jerk, but the truth is that if you truly believe what you just said, then you are the biggest fucking asshole that ever lived." he finished as Frohike and Langley nodded in agreement. "No, your wrong it's not-" He started in defense. "Just shut your mouth and listen for a minute." said Frohike cutting him off. Mulder frowned and then nodded for him to continue. Frohike saw his expression and realised that he still didn't get the point that he was trying to make. "How is it possible that you can be so smart and so stupid at the same time?" he exclaimed. "Fine Mulder, you want me to spell it out for you, I will. You need Scully and she needs you. You would do anything for her, kill, die whatever. That is the truth and you know it. Just think about how your life would be if she wasn't around anymore? Hang on, what life? You wouldn't have one, she is your complete world. And if your stupid enough to throw Scully away forever than you most certainly don't deserve her, or even to live." Mulder sat up stunned, he most certainly hadn't expected that. He tried to think back to all the women he had ever been with and he realised that Scully was the one that had meant the most to him. She was the one that he wanted to be with at all hours of the day and night. But that was yesterday and now in the past few hours everything had been turned on its head. "Maybe you just got a little emotional and it clouded your vision for awhile, because there is no way that you could be this stupid. Your mind has taken a walk off the map here man, you know that she means everything to you. Who cares if the road with Scully is a little rocky, won't it be worth it?" asked Langly "A little rocky?" thought Mulder. "Talk about a major understatement." If anything the path they had taken together was an extremely rocky road and one not to be thought of lightly. He took a moment to think through what they had said and realised it was true. He did love Scully. He loved her and would do anything for her. Even if she no longer felt the same way he resolved to put up a good case and try to make her reconsider. He was not going to throw away the best relationship of his life. Mulder was jerked away from his thoughts by a rap at the door. The four men looked towards it but no one moved to get up. Langley sniffed the air. "Mmmmm..............Pizza." * * * "But Dana, if you just-" "No Mom, your not listening," said Scully exasperated. She knew her mother had only good intentions but she kept insisting that Mulder was best for her and that she should do something to get him back. Yesterday she would have agreed, but she wasn't sure that Mulder was good for her. "After all what have I gotten since knowing him? All that is happened is that he and his work has ruined by career and reputation." thought her mind. But then her heart counted, "What about his trust and friendship? Not to mention love and how he gives and does for you all those other things he's so good at." "No Mom, it's just that, I really don't know what to think anymore." Silence filled the room as both women had nothing more to say. They sat peacefully finishing their cup of coffee till a knock at the front door invaded their silence. Mrs. Scully left to answer the it and was not altogetherly surprised to see who was on the other side. Mulder didn't know why he had driven all the way out to see if Scully was at her mothers, it was a long shot at its best. He had left Frohike, Byers in Langley determined to get Scully back and was not going to let anything get in his way. On the drive over he thought about how he had actually broken up with Scully and had put up a good act all day pretending not to care that he had himself totally convinced. He had been surprised to find tears rolling out of his eyes and it was then that he had realised he needed Dana, and because he had lost her he was dying on the inside. He had pulled himself together and the second he saw her car in her mother's drive, he felt a great weight lift off his shoulders. As if he had been worried that it was to late to get her back and that he might never see her again. "Hello Fox, come in." she said opening the door. "Hi, Mrs. Scully," said Mulder walking through the doorway and trying to put on a cheerful voice, although he knew that she would be able to see straight through it. "She's in the den and I'm going upstairs." she said and then retreated, but not before saying, "Good luck Fox," Mulder smiled and mouthed a "Thank you." He then made his way to the living room. Mrs. Scully bounded up the stairs to her bedroom, counted to twenty slowly, and then returned to sit on the top landing of the staircase. She had to strain to hear what they were saying but it was a safe enough distance to dart into her bedroom if she heard footsteps. When Scully first saw Mulder her mind began whirring with emotions. Just seeing him, made her feel like punching him and holding him close at the same time. "Mulder..." she said in a soft voice, "What are you doing here?" "Dana I .I.. I'm sorry for what I said and I still love you and I still want this to work," "I'm not so sure," she answered. "It was just a silly fight about nothing." he said coming to sit next to her on the sofa. "We have a unique situation here, seeing each other day and night. We have to stick with it and work at it, and don't let little things come between us. We have to try hard to make it work. You mean more to me than any other person I've ever met. I love you and you love me and I want to do this for us Dana. I believe it's worth it and I believe we can do it." Scully was impressed by his words, sincerity and intentions, and felt herself almost relenting to him, when her rational mind stepped in. "C'mon Fox, your the one that said it, there's just too much pressure, it was foolish to think that it could work." She than saw in Mulder's face an emotion she didn't think she had ever seen before. Fear. "Was he afraid of losing her? Or just afraid of being alone again?" she wondered. "What do you want from me Dana?" he asked in all seriousness. "Do you want to tell the bureau? Do you want some kind of commitment from me? I know you don't think I can do it but I can." "If you said those things to me yesterday, I would have said yes, but I don't have anything blinding my view anymore. If we keep going than it's going to end up costing us our friendship." Mulder's face fell, and Scully's heart went out to him. But she knew that in a couple days Mulder would see and agree with her, it was not worth risking a great friendship. "I'm sorry Fox. I don't think you can see it right now, but you know I'm right. And I think you should leave." Mulder stood defeated and began walking towards the door. He began to think rationally and realised that she was probably right. But as he reached the front door his mind started screaming that he was not a quitter and should not leave, he spun around and walked back into the living room. Scully saw him and began to sigh, she felt sorry for him but he wasn't making this very easy on her. Mulder opened his mouth although he had no idea of what he was going to say. Scully was still seated on the sofa and he stood center room as he began to feel hot tears running down his cheeks. His mind was a total blank and didn't know what to say. And it soon became one of those rare times when his heart spoke instead of his mind. His voice broke. "I love you. And I'm not letting you get rid of me that easily, how 'bout that?" he said as he smiled still weeping, "I'm the smart one." Scully felt a great sorrow that he was taking it so hard. She had guessed that he would have taken it better since he was so good at hiding his emotions. But he was crying and was quite visibly upset that she had rejected him when he came to get her back. This was a whole new side to him that she or many, if any, people had never been allowed to see. As her own sorrow of loosing him built up she also began to feel tears falling down from her own eyes. "I need you Dana. I want you Dana." he began. "For a long time I've hated myself and my life, but since we've been together I've been so much happier with both." he said sitting on the sofa and reaching for Scully's face to wipe away her tears as she wiped away his own. "You make me better than I am alone. Y. You. You make me want to be a better man," he finally said as his voice choked up and tears steadily streamed down his face. "A life without you wouldn't be worth living. You're part of me and I'm not whole without you. I love you and you are my soul mate Dana, I know it. You complete me Dana. You complete-" "Shut up. Just shut up Fox," Mulder's face fell as he looked to the floor defeated once more. As he began to sink into misery, he felt Scully put one finger under his face and lift his chin. As tears fell down her own wet face as she said, "You didn't let me finish." He looked back at her and hung on to one last thread of hope that she was going to say what he wished. "Shut up Mulder." she said smiling through her tears, "Shut up and kiss me already." Mulder slowly comprehended what she had said, and his face lighted up to a broad smile, one that was rarely worn. "You really mean it?" he said sounding like a five year old, whose Christmas' had all come at once. She pushed him back onto the couch and brought her lips down on his confirm her sincerity. Once they broke apart Scully laid down on top of him. "I've been so stupid. Of course this works. We are perfect how we are now and we always will be." She said brushing the strands of brown silk away from his eyes. Scully realised that she was probably hurting him and moved so they could both sit back up. "I love you. I love you for who you are and I love you for who you have always and will always be. And I love the fact that you are so stubborn. Anyone else would have walked away a few minutes ago, but you stayed and made me see how preposterous I was being. I guess I was just afraid of losing you and I thought it would be better if it happened sooner rather than later." she smiled shook her head and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. And she then realised that they were still wet. "Why are you still crying?" she asked her eyes wide and smiling in amazement. "I don't know." he replied as they both reached to wipe away his tears. "But I think it's because I happy." he said with a big grin. "Because your happy? I'll give you something to be happy about!" she said and pushed her mouth down on his. For the first time in both their lives they were both blissfully happy as their mouths and bodies interlocked for the moment, and their hearts interlocked forever. Not very far away another woman was wiping away tears from her own eyes. Mrs. Scully stood up and walked into her bedroom. With the worry of the break-up and forever loneliness of her baby daughter now far away, she pondered over whether or not her daughter had realised how lucky she was to have found her soul mate sitting in front of her for so many years. Mrs. Scully quickly showered and then climbed into bed knowing that the two lovers were once again at peace and then began dreaming of her own soul mate that was taken so long ago. -End- Thanks to those who made it. By Ray White Luv it? hate it? Tell me why. I WANT TO KNOW. please! My first (posted) fanfic & I need your help to become a better writer. Please! Please! Please! raywhite42@gmail.com