From: Kel Date: 12 Jan 2003 19:59:36 -0800 Subject: [all-xf] NEW: A Room of One's Own (1/1) Humor Source: atxc Title: A Room of One's Own by: Kel Rating: PG Humor Summary: Lousy motel, two rooms, one air-conditioner. After a long, hot, miserable day, Mulder decides he's entitled to a little relaxation. Feedback: ckelll@hotmail.com Thanks to Nell for reading and editing. Disclaimer: A long time ago I worked at a publishing house. One day a man phoned and said, "My name is Herman Wouk. Many years back I wrote a book called 'The Caine Mutiny.' I confess I've lost track of it, but I'll give you my address so you can forward my royalties to me." Well, it didn't work for him, but I'll give it a try. Hello. My name is Chris Carter, and many years back I created two characters named Mulder and Scully... A Room of One's Own The motel was even more disgusting, disreputable, and dilapidated than the usual hovels that Mulder selected for their lodging. It was only fitting, after the dinner of tainted lard they'd endured at the filthy local diner. Mulder probably hadn't noticed the food; he was too busy eyeing their overly-friendly, overly-blond waitress. Scully had begun to suspect that Mulder derived some perverse joy from her discomfort. They had driven over 6,000 miles in the heat, and all because Mulder refused to stop for directions. The car's air conditioner chugged and roared and dripped. It did everything, in fact, except cool the air. To top it all off, the "vision" they had come so far to investigate turned out to be nothing more exotic than a neon sign. "I'm sorry, Scully. My informant said it was the holy grail. He never mentioned the lettering on the side." "Chillicothe Trophy Company," Scully snorted with disgust. "That's your holy grail, Mulder. Besides, when did you become interested in Christian artifacts?" Mulder bowed his head. "I said I was sorry." He picked up his suitcase and hers from the trunk and carried them in as he went to register. Scully trudged sullenly behind him. "Yer lucky, folks," the obese, hairy, toothless clerk informed them. "We got two rooms left. One of 'em is in the attic. The window don't open, but you can see clear to the tire factory when the smog lifts. Other room ain't got much of a view, but it do got an air conditioner." "It's okay, Scully. You take that one," Mulder said. "We'll share the air conditioned room," Scully announced decisively. "We are two adults who have been traveling and working together for years, and I'm sure we can survive one night in the same room without scandal or bloodshed." "No, really. You can have it." "Even with air conditioning, the room will be stifling. I'll have to borrow one of you t-shirts to sleep in." "You're welcome to my t-shirt," Mulder offered. "I can't let you sleep in an airless garret. It's inhumane. We'll share the good room. I know that after I get out of these hot, sticky clothes--" "No, really, Scully. It's okay." "--and take a long, refreshing soak in the tub--" "You don't have to worry about me." "--and slip into your t-shirt--" "You can have the t-shirt and the room! I decided to spend the night with that waitress." the end