From: Nell Tebbetts Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 13:04:26 -0700 (PDT) Subject: Roses Fade 1/1 Title - Roses Fade Author - Nell Tebbetts E-Mail address - starbuck402@yahoo.com Rating - G Category - SA Spoilers - None Keywords - Mulder/Scully UST Summary - Scully explains to Mulder why she has to leave him. Feedback - This is my very first story to post anywhere, so I would GREATLY appreciate feedback. Even flames. I'm desperate, PLEEAAASE? Disclaimer - The X-Files belongs to 1013 Productions and 20th Century Fox, not me. No infringement intended. Please don't sue me, it's not as if I have any money anyway. Archive - Uhhh, if you really want to... just tell me where. xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX My name is Dana Scully, and I'm sick of your crap. That's what I'm going to tell you, you self- absorbed son-of-a-bitch. My name is Dana Scully, in case you've forgotten. Don't give me that look; you barely acknowledge I'm alive anymore and you know it. You might as well just admit it. I'm nothing but a convenient accessory for your little games. Oh, don't look so shocked. Surely you've seen this coming, or are you even more blind than I thought? Blind? You're the blindest man I know. You see only what you want to see. You seek the truth, but you refuse to see it when it's not what you want. And you want quite a bit. You want me to blindly accept your theories, while you so blatantly refuse to accept mine. Yes, they're not always right, but face it, neither are yours. I would like to have equal treatment. I long for you to treat me as well as you do Diana Fowley. Diana Fowley. God, it's so obvious you're still in love with her. You choose her, who abandoned you, over me. Me, Scully, who for the past six years has stuck to your side, despite all the pain, despite all the hopeless battles. But you're not stupid. Despite your many faults, stupid is something I can never call you. You know why I stay. I've seen the truth through the eyes of the believer. I've seen the impact of your quest against the evil corruption that is our government. I saw what you did, and it was good. And I loved you. You loved me, too. But it wasn't enough, couldn't ever be enough. Love binds, but cracks too easily. You and I, we were meant to be together, but we were also meant to be split apart. Love. In love. Too much difference in those words. I am not in love with you. You are not in love with me. No, that is Diana's role, and I am certainly happy to let her take it. If only you would give us equal respect. I don't understand. I never will. I am betrayed by you. I am ditched by you. I am ignored by you. I am greatly valued by you. I make you a whole person. So still, I stay. Is this love? Yes. Inexplicable, unpredictable love. But now it is over. I must go. Not forever, for I know what that would do to you. I know what that would do to me. I also know what staying for the moment would do to me. It would destroy me. The walls are closing in. Now is the time to escape. You look as though you will cry, as I must look to you. Futile objections form on your lips, ones I am so familiar with myself. Yes, your objections are my own, strange as that may seem. Many a night I have stayed awake, analyzing them, constantly analyzing. We form the same objections, go through the same analysis, and yet reach different conclusions. That is how we are, you and I, always striving so hard to reach the goal, but when we finally arrive, our goals are miles apart. When you came to that fork in the road, you looked me in the face and went the other direction. I expected it. I could count on one hand the number of times when we chose the same path at that fork. We are at separate ends of the hypotenuse, forming the same geometric figure, but hopelessly, boundlessly apart. Enough with the metaphors, you know exactly what I mean. You have known for as long as I have. But neither of us did anything about it, for there was nothing that could be done. Slowly, inevitably, we began to break apart. We are broken. We can no longer meet at the fork; the path there is far too confusing. You are increasingly desperate now for me to stay. You are sobbing openly. I am sobbing as well, all though it is not visible. My struggle has always been internal. I still love you... Mulder. I'll be back. xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Author's Note - The mood shift in this story is intentional. How quickly the emotions change... Now is the time for feedback! Come on, don't keep it inside, TELL me you hated it.