From: shawntaw@hotmail.com
Date: Sun, 11 Nov 2001 17:23:05 -0000
Subject: xfc: Safe Harbor VII by shawntaw
Source: xfc

Title: Safe Harbor VII
Author: shawntaw
Category: MSR, Mulder/Scully/Skinner friendship, X-file
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.  If I did, there wouldn't be a 
Season 9 and "The Kiss" would have been a wonderful, romantic, open-
ended 'ending' for the M and S characters...*sigh* Why couldn't he 
just give them a happy ending? Don't they deserve it by now?  Oh, 
don't EVEN get me started...

Summary: What is Mulder going through?

MAJOR MULDER ANGST ALERT!

******************************************************

Mulder startled as Scully gave a cursory knock and then pattered in 
bare feet and pajamas through the connecting door.

He instantly folded his hand around his drink.

*She can't find out I'm drinking...She can't find out I'm drinking..*

After all the trouble he had gone through to hide any 
evidence...Buying small bottles..throwing them in the dumpster 
outside after using each one..ordering iced tea from room service...

*Damn!  I thought she was asleep!*

He normally wouldn't mind if someone knew he was drinking.  He 
normally wouldn't mind if Scully found him drinking in a bar, or 
having a beer, but what was going on tonight was different...

And she would know it.  Only her.  She knew the history..the 
significance.

His father had drank heavily in Mulder's childhood.  His father had 
been drinking to forget.

Mulder - Fox - would inevitably remind him of the very things he was 
striving to wash from his mind.  The young boy's mere presence did 
it.  He didn't even have to say anything.

Mostly, Fox had learned to stay out of his way.  To defer...not to 
make eye-contact..not to argue..

But his father would explode.

His father beat the living crap out of him.

He still could hardly meet the man's eyes now, even though they were 
both adults.  His father made him feel stupid..unworthy..

*"Loser! Good-for-nothing! It should have been YOU!"*

Mulder's father's words echoed in his head as though it happened 
yesterday instead of over 20-odd years ago.

Scully was staring at him as he huddled protectively over his tea.  
He tried not to look so obvious.  

He shook his head.  Mulder was feeling woozy on top of everything 
else.

"Mulder, are you o.k.?"

"Yeah. Why?"  He sat at the small table with his files, cheeseburger, 
fries and iced tea - eyes wide.

"Mulder," she stepped toward him, "This - This case is getting to 
you.  Have you even been to sleep yet?"

He felt a surge of anger.  Why couldn't she just go away and let him 
wallow in peace?  Why does she always have to hover?

*"What is going on with you, boy?  You wanna take a swing at me? You 
think you even got the guts? Go ahead, take a swing at me!"*

His last encounter with his father before Mulder departed for Oxford 
played in his hazy mind.

*"Take a swing at me!"*

Scully cocked her head, irritation and concern on her face, "What is 
going on with you?"

*Take a swing at me!"*

Mulder stood, fists clenched, and took a shaky step forward.

His vision suddenly cleared and he realized Scully stood not five 
feet in front of him, looking at him with wide, wondering eyes.

He gasped.

Mulder paced past her, made a circuit in the small room and paced 
past her again.

"This case...This case...the damn motive...the date..can't make the 
connections..can't.."

He ended up back by the table and took a drink of his 'tea' without 
thinking.

Why did the world seem so wobbly? 

Reality and memory continued to meld and waver.  One moment his 
surroundings were crisp and sharp, the next he was reliving the past.


*"You climb inside sickos' minds?" 

Mulder had given his father a tour of his area at the VCU and was 
explaining how he was getting a reputation for his uncanny ability to 
profile.  It was the last attempt Mulder ever made to earn his 
father's pride.
"Sounds like the perfect job for you, boy," his father sneered and 
walked off.
Several of his co-workers glanced up in shock.*


Mulder blinked back to reality.  He remembered he had been really 
glad that noone had called him 'Spooky' during his father's visit.

"Mulder? You're worrying me-"

He strode angrily over to the small table, sat tiredly, picked up his 
burger and tore off a bite.

"You can stop the whole 'Mother Hen' routine, Scully.  See, I'm 
eating and later I plan to sleep, ok?"

She opened her mouth again, but he continued to rant.

"And I am not a child who needs to be checked on, Scully.  I-I resent 
that you think I am some kind of defective who can't-"

"Mulder!" Scully interrupted in shock.

He shook as he picked up his tea and sipped it.

*Aw, to hell with it*

Mulder chugged his tea and choked for his trouble.

Scully ran forward and pounded him on the back.

"Scully! Just leave me alone!" Mulder sputtered.

She stood back, her hands on her hips and her lips in a firm line.

"That's it, Mulder.  I'm getting Skinner.  Maybe he can talk some 
sense into you."

Mulder didn't answer.  He had lost his connection with his 
surroundings and was floating free.

He tried to speak.  He tried to react.

Mulder heard the door shut as Scully left.

He fell from his chair onto the floor...

Helpless.

*******************************************************

Next..and very quickly, I promise...Mulder's experience continues...