From: "Jim & Carol Gritton" <jimcaz@dircon.co.uk>
Subject: New: Sarah XXI: Stroke 1/5
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 1997 08:26:52 +0100


TITLE: Sarah XXI: Stroke 1/5

AUTHOR: Carol Gritton

E-MAIL: jimcaz@dircon.co.uk

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and
Fox TV.  They are used without permission, and no infringement of
copyright is intended.

RATING: G

CLASSIFICATION: S, MSR

SUMMARY: A testing time for the Mulder family.  Are they about to
lose the one person that holds them all together?

NOTES: The events in this story take place a few months after the
Reflections Trilogy.

My thanks, firstly to Rosa Moran, who came up with the idea for this
story.  I would like to thank her for the excellent synopsis that she
provided.  It made my job so much easier!

Secondly, to my fellow partner in crime, Patty Hayes, for her
invaluable contributions and insight into the character of Stephanie.

Comments gratefully received at the above address.

Sarah XXI: Stroke 1/5
by Carol Gritton (jimcaz@dircon.co.uk)

     Stephanie glanced at her watch again.  It wasn't like her mother
to be late.  Scully was the most punctual person that Steph knew -
not like her father.  She could quite understand being left waiting
if he had been coming to pick her up from the airport.

      Stephanie had been to a teaching conference in Houston.  Her
return flight had arrived on time, and she had arranged with Scully
to pick her up because Ross and Gracie were out of town visiting
Ross's parents while she was gone.  Another glance at her watch. 
Maybe her mother was stuck in traffic, mused Steph.  She discounted
that idea - Scully always left plenty of time to get to her
destination, again, not like Mulder, who would leave his departure to
the last possible minute and arrive with moments to spare.  Steph
chuckled, thinking affectionately of her parents and how different
they were.  She sometimes wondered how they had ever got together,
and how they had managed to stay together all this time.

     Before she knew it, an hour had passed since her plane had
landed, and there was still no sign of her mother.  She took out her
cellphone and dialled the number of the Mulder house.  It rang and
rang, so Steph disconnected.  She punched in the number of her
father's cellphone, and waited for him to answer.  She had no luck
there - the phone was switched off.  Steph sighed.  Now what? 
Reluctantly, she dialled Sarah's office, praying that her sister was
there.  After a short wait, Sarah's secretary answered the phone. 
Recognising Steph's voice, the secretary put her straight through.
     "Hi, Sarah."
     "Steph!" said Sarah warmly.  "I thought you were down in
Houston."  She was surprised, but pleased, to hear from her sister.
     "I was - I just got back.  I'm at the airport... Mom was
supposed to be here to pick me up.  She wasn't here when I arrived
and she still hasn't shown.  I've tried the house, but there's no
reply, and I can't reach Dad either."
     "Maybe she got caught in traffic, or the car broke down,"
suggested Sarah.
     "Then Mom would have called the airport and left a message. 
I've checked at the desk and  she hasn't called."
     "Well, she knew that she had to come and collect you - she
mentioned it when I spoke to her the other day.  Don't worry,
Steph... I'll come down there and get you."
     "Sarah, I hate to put you out, I know you're busy, but I didn't
know who else to try."
     "It's okay, Steph, you don't have to apologise!  I'll be there
in about half an hour.  Go and have a coffee or something."
     "Thanks, Sarah.  I'll see you in a while."

     Sarah found her sister in Starbucks, just finishing a tall
latte.
     "Hey, you okay?"she asked.  The sisters exchanged a hug.
     "I'm fine, Sarah.  I'm just worried about Mom.  This is not like
her at all."
     "Well, you're right about that.  Dad, yes... but not Mom.  I'm
sure there's a simple explanation.  Are you ready to go?"
     "Yeah."  Steph picked up her small bag and they started walking
towards the terminal entrance, then out to the car lot.  They located
Sarah's car, and she put her sister's bag on the back seat.  "Thanks
for this, Sarah - I really appreciate it.  I hope I didn't disrupt
your schedule."  Steph knew that her sister was extremely dedicated
to her work.
     "Lucky for you I didn't have any appointments this afternoon!"
grinned Sarah, pulling out into the traffic.
     "How come?  You usually have appointments booked months in
advance!"
     "I try to keep one or two afternoons free in a month.  I use
them to catch up on reading, correspondence, or to deal with any
emergencies."
     "Would you class me as an emergency?" smiled Steph.
     "Oh, I think you qualify!"  Sarah grinned at her sister.
     "So what would you have been doing this afternoon?"
     "I was going to put the finishing touches to an article that I'm
writing for one of the professional journals."
     Stephanie felt awful.  "Oh, Sarah, I'm really sorry to drag you
away from that."
     "I'm not!  You did me a favour really - I'm still thinking about
how to sum up the article.  I haven't got it quite right in my mind. 
This'll give me a bit more time to think about it."
     There was silence for a moment.
     "So how was the conference?" asked Sarah.
     Steph shrugged.  "You know - the usual.  Some of it was useful,
some of it wasn't.  I'm glad I went though."
     "Have you heard from Ross?"
     "Yeah - I called him last night.  Gracie's being spoiled rotten
by his parents.  As if she doesn't get enough of that from Mom and
Dad!  But they're having a good time.  I can't wait to see them
again."  Steph paused.  "Sarah, do you think we could swing by the
house?  I can't put my finger on it, but I've got a bad feeling about
Mom.  I know she would have tried to get a message to me if she knew
she wasn't going to be able to make it."
     "Sure - no problem."  Sarah headed for the Mulder home, glancing
at her sister.  Steph sat there, chewing her bottom lip, just like
their father did.  Although Stephanie was closer to her mother, she
was more like her father than she realised.  There were times when
they didn't see eye to eye, but they loved one another dearly.  She
shared his intuitive skills, just like her brother and sister did. 
It was like a sixth sense with them.
     They drove the rest of the way in silence, each alone with their
thoughts as to what had happened to their mother.

     Sarah swung into her parents driveway, right behind their
mother's car.  There was no sign of Mulder's car - he was obviously
out on business somewhere.  The two women got out of Sarah's car and
walked over to Scully's.  Steph tried the door and it was locked. 
Sarah cast her eyes over the house, and found it looking perfectly
normal.
     "Have you got your keys?" Steph asked.  They all had a set of
keys to their parents house.
     "Yes," answered Sarah, and she dug them out of the bottom of her
purse.  She opened the front door and let Stephanie go first.
     "Mom?"  Steph called out and waited a moment, but there was no
answer.  "Mom!"  Still no reply.
     Sarah closed the front door.  "I'll look in the bedrooms and
bathroom, you take the den, living room and kitchen."
     Steph nodded, the feeling of uneasiness mounting.  The house was
very quiet, yet nothing looked out of the ordinary.  The sisters went
their separate ways, checking the rooms as they went.  Sarah was just
looking in her parent's en suite when she heard Steph scream.
     "Sarah!"
     "Steph, where are you?"
     "The kitchen.  Oh God, Sarah - hurry up!"
     Sarah ran into the kitchen to find Stephanie kneeling by the
prostrate form of their mother.  Beside her lay a broken glass dish,
and its contents lay strewn around her.
     "Sarah, she's unconscious... what do we do?"  Steph was crying.
     "First thing is not to move her."  Sarah joined her sister on
her knees and felt for Scully's pulse.  It was there, but noticeably
faint.  Sarah checked for blood, any sign that Scully might have cut
herself when she fell, but there was none.  "Steph, call 911."
     Stephanie didn't move.  
      "Now!"
     Stephanie jumped at her sister's loud voice, then got up and
made the call.  She was half crying as she gave the details over the
phone.  Sarah was talking softly to Scully, holding her hand and
stroking it.
     "Mom, it's Sarah.  You're going to be fine.  The ambulance is on
its way."
     Stephanie joined them on the floor.  "What do you think
happened?" she asked in a tremulous voice.
     "I don't know, Steph.  Look, try to get hold of Dad again."
     "Shouldn't we try to make her more comfortable?"
     "No - she might have injured her neck or spine when she fell. 
If that happened and we moved her, we could paralyse her for life. 
The paramedics will deal with it when they get here.  Try to get Dad
again."
     Reluctantly, Steph tried her father's cellphone once more, but
there was no reply.
     "I can't reach him."
     "Never mind - we'll just have to keep trying.  You come down
here and I'll clear up some of this mess."
     Stephanie knelt down again and took Scully's hand.  She was
about to start crying again.  Sarah put an arm around her sister's
shoulder.
     "She'll be all right Steph," said Sarah softly.  "Just talk to
her until the paramedics get here."
     "What about?"
     "I don't know... anything.  Tell her about the conference."
     Stephanie kept up a constant stream of words while Sarah cleared
up the broken glass.  She had just finished when the paramedics
arrived.  They asked questions as they worked, wanting to know who
found Scully, and how long she had been like this.  Sarah answered
all their questions as best she could.  
     They loaded Scully onto a gurney and wheeled her out to the
ambulance.  Sarah took her sister's arm.
     "Steph, you go with Mom.  I'll follow in the car.  I'll keep
trying to get Dad."
     "This will kill him," whispered Steph, her eyes full of tears. 
She wasn't ready to lose both her parents in one fell swoop.
     "I know," answered Sarah.  "That's why we have to be strong. 
Now get in the ambulance.  The sooner the doctors start working on
Mom, the quicker we'll find out what's wrong with her."
Sarah hugged her sister, caressing her back in a comforting gesture. 
"Go on, they're waiting."

     Scully was taken to the ER.  Sarah found Steph waiting outside
as they worked on Scully.  
    "They said that someone will come and talk to us shortly," said
Steph.
    "Okay.  I still can't get hold of Dad.  I've got some other
numbers to try, I'll make a start on those while we're waiting.  Once
I've found him, I'll call Josh."
     "What about Robin?  Shouldn't you call him?  He'll need to make
arrangements for Ben and Jamie."
     "Yeah, I know.  I'd rather get hold of Dad first."
     "He'll blame himself, you know that, don't you?"
     Sarah gave her sister a tired smile.  "I know, but it's not his
fault.  But we mustn't speculate - let's wait and see what the
doctors have to say."  Sarah gave Steph another hug.  "I'm going to
make a start on these numbers."
     Sarah managed to track her father down on the seventh number. 
He had given her the numbers in case of an emergency, so he knew
something serious had happened.
     "Dad!  Thank God!  I'm at the hospital..."
     "Sarah!  Are you okay?" Mulder's tone was full of anxiety. 
"Nothing's happened to Ben or Jamie has it?  Is it Gracie?"  Mulder
couldn't bear that - he doted on his three grandchildren.  "Are Steph
and Josh all right?"
     "We're all fine, Dad.  Steph's here with me..."  God, how could
she tell him?  She took a breath.  "Dad, it's Mom.  We found her
unconscious on the kitchen floor..."  Sarah didn't get to finish.
     "I'm on my way."

     Mulder drove like a madman, his mind in turmoil.  He pulled into
the hospital car lot with a screech of tyres, ran into the ER and up
to the desk.
     "My wife... Dana Mulder... she was brought in a while ago."  He
gulped in air.
     "Just a moment."  The clerk looked up on the board.  "And you
are?"
     "Her husband.  Where is she?"
     "Someone will come and see you in a moment, sir.  If you'd just
like to take a seat..."
     "I want to see my wife!" roared Mulder.
     Hearing the commotion, and recognising her father's voice, Sarah
went to the desk.
     "It's okay, I'll handle this," she said to the desk clerk.  She
put her hand on her father's arm and led him away.
     "Where's your Mom?  What happened, Sarah?"  Mulder's eyes were
full of panic.
     "We don't know, Dad.  She was supposed to collect Steph from the
airport but she didn't show.  Steph couldn't get hold of you, so she
called me.  I picked her up and we went to the house, and found Mom
in the kitchen.  She's had some sort of collapse.  We're just waiting
for the doctor to come and talk to us now."
     Tears filled Mulder's eyes.  "Scully," he whispered.
     "They're doing everything they can, Dad.  Come and see Steph. 
She'll be glad to see you."
     "Did you call your brother?"
     Sarah nodded.  "Josh is on his way."
     Sarah led her father to the little waiting area.  When she saw
him, Stephanie burst into tears.
Mulder wrapped his arms around his middle child, comforting her.  He
had to be strong for her.
     "It's all right, baby," he said softly.  "I'm here."
     He was still holding her when Josh barrelled in.  He stopped
briefly to hug and kiss his sisters, and embrace his father, then
asked, "What happened?"
     Once again, Sarah had to go through the sequence of events.  It
was while she was doing that  that the doctor came out to talk to
them.  He was young, in his thirties at a guess.
     "Are you Mrs Mulder's family?"
     "Yes," replied Sarah.  "This is my father."
     The doctor, whose name was Greenwood,  addressed Mulder.  "We
need to run some more tests, but we think that your wife has had a
stroke.  We're going..."
    "Wait a minute... you *think* she's had a stroke?  You don't
know?"  Mulder was incredulous.
    He felt Sarah's hand on his arm.  "Dad," she said softly.
    "That's why we need to do more tests.  We're just going to take
her up for a CAT scan, and that should give us more information.  Who
was the last one to see her before she collapsed?"
     "I was," replied Mulder. 
     "Did she complain of feeling unwell?"
     "She mentioned that she had a slight headache, that was all."
     "When was that?"
     "At breakfast time.  She took a couple of painkillers and I went
out soon after that.  I've been out all day, until my daughter called
to say that my wife had been taken ill.  Does the headache have any
bearing on her collapse?"
     "Possibly.  People often complain of a headache prior to
suffering a stroke."
     The colour drained from Mulder's face.  Sarah knew exactly what
he was thinking.
     "If it's a stroke, what is the likely outcome?" asked Mulder.
     "We won't know that until Mrs Mulder regains consciousness... if
she regains consciousness.  Depending on which area of her brain has
been affected, there could be serious impairment to her movement and
speech.  There could be problems with long or short term memory...
it's really too early to tell."
     Mulder was already thinking of the worst case scenario where
Scully wouldn't regain consciousness.  He knew she wouldn't want to
live without full use of all her faculties.
     "My wife has a living will," said Mulder quietly.  "You should
be aware of that fact."
     "Dad!" cried Stephanie.  "You can't even think about that!"
     "Sweetheart, we have to.  It's your mother's wish."
     Steph sobbed quietly on Josh's shoulder.  "Dad's right, Steph,"
he said softly.  "We have to think about what she wants if the
outlook isn't good."
     "Mrs Mulder's wishes are contained in her medical file,"
acknowledged Dr Greenwood.  "But thank you for drawing it to my
attention.  Is there anything else you would like to know?"
     "No, thank you," said Sarah.  "You'll let us know as soon as you
have any news?"
     "Of course."  The doctor smiled and took his leave.

     Mulder sank down onto a seat, his head in his hands.  Tears
poured through his fingers.
     "It's my fault... I shouldn't have left her this morning."
     "It's not your fault, Dad.  This could have happened anytime.  I
know it doesn't help, but we should be thankful that it happened at
home.  If it had happened while Mom was driving, she could have been
killed.  There could have been a serious accident."  Sarah put her
arms around her father, her cheek resting against his hair.  She
stroked his back, just the way that he had caressed hers when she was
younger.  "Daddy, please... don't blame yourself.  It's not your
fault."
     "It is, Sarah.  It's all my fault.  I've been selfish,
thoughtless... I expected too much of her..."
     "Dad, stop it.  You may have been all of those things, but do
you think that Mom would still be here today if she didn't love you? 
When you love someone, you learn to live with those less attractive
traits.  And she does love you, Dad, you have to know that."
     "I don't deserve your mother, I never did.  Why the hell she
took up with me in the first place I'll never know... I've led her a
merry dance all her life..."
    "Dad... do you think that Mom wouldn't have followed if she
didn't want to?"
    But Mulder wasn't listening.   "I'm just glad that Margaret's not
alive to see what I've done to her daughter."
     "I want you to stop this right now, Dad.  You haven't done
anything to Mom.  What's happened has happened - it's no-one's
fault."
     "I wish I could believe that, Sarah."

     Sarah left her father in Josh and Steph's care while she went
off to call Robin.  He was shocked when he heard the news.
     "Oh God, Sarah... I'm sorry.  How's your dad taken it?"  He knew
the answer without asking.
     "Not well, as you would expect.  He's blaming himself as usual. 
Robin, I know this is a lot to ask, but I'd like to stay here with
Dad, even if it means all night.  I'm so worried that he might do
something silly if Mom..."  Sarah couldn't bring herself to say the
words.
     "It's okay, Sarah.  I'll take care of the kids."  He knew how
close Mulder and Sarah were.  "You look after your dad."
     For the first time since finding Scully, Sarah broke down. And
Robin wished he could be there to hold her.
    "Robin...  I couldn't bear to lose them both," she sobbed.
    "You won't, baby.  Your dad..."
    "He's not as strong as Mom.  If she dies, it will break his
heart, and he'll want to be with her."
    Sarah was still sobbing into the phone when she felt a strong
pair of arms go around her shoulders.  It was Josh.  He took the
phone from her.
     "Robin, it's Josh.  I'll get Sarah to call you back later,
okay?"
     "Okay.  I'm sorry about Dana.  Do you want me to say anything to
the kids?"
     "Just tell them that their Nanna's not well.  They don't need to
know any more than that at this stage.  If the worst comes to the
worst, we'll deal with it then.  I'd better go.  We'll talk later."
Josh replaced the receiver and wrapped his arms around Sarah.  She
cried onto his other shoulder.
     "Oh, I'll have a matching pair now," he said softly, trying to
lighten the atmosphere and glancing at the newly damp patch on the
shoulder of his jacket.  Despite herself, Sarah chuckled, then
sniffed.
     "Here - use this."  Josh handed her a clean handkerchief, and
she dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose.
     "Thanks, Josh."
     "What for?"
     "For being my little brother."
     "Hey - less of the `little' if you don't mind!"  Josh smiled at
his older sister good-naturedly.  They'd always got on well, he had
looked up to her, and hadn't teased her like he'd teased Stephanie. 
"So, tell your little brother what's on your mind."
     "I'm worried about Dad.  I don't know if I can be strong for him
as well as myself."
     Josh looked over to where Mulder sat with his arm around Steph,
her head resting on her father's shoulder.
     "I don't know if I can be strong enough for all of us."
     "You don't have to be, Sarah.  No-one's asking you to carry this
alone.  She's my Mom too, remember?"
     Sarah smiled.  "Even though Mom's not my birth mother, I feel
that she is.  She took me into her heart when she didn't have to, she
loved me and cared for me as if I were her own child.  I owe her so
much..."
     "Hey... don't go all maudlin on me," said Josh, tilting Sarah's
chin up.
     "Sorry.  I just couldn't imagine life without her, that's all."
     "Well, let's hope that it doesn't come to that.  Why don't you
keep Dad and Steph company?  I'd better call Fiona and let her know
what's happened or she'll worry."

     It was getting late, and they were discussing who was going to
stay at the hospital overnight.  Mulder would stay - that went
without saying.
     "I'll stay with Dad," said Sarah.
     "Why?" asked Steph.  "Why can't we all stay?"
     "Steph, you've only just come back from Houston.  You must be
exhausted.  Why don't you go home and get some rest?" said Sarah.
     "How can you expect me to sleep while Mom's lying there in a
coma?" snapped Stephanie.
     Josh stepped in between the sisters.  "Sarah's right, Steph.  It
makes sense for her to stay.  Come home with me - you can stay at our
place tonight."
     "I'd rather go home."
     "No, I don't want you to be alone.  Come home with me, please."
     "Go with Josh, sweetheart.  If there's any news, Sarah will call
you."  Those were the first words Mulder had spoken in hours.
     "Daddy..." Steph's eyes were filled with tears.
     Mulder stood up and enveloped her in his arms.  "I'll be okay,
baby.  You go home with your brother."  He smoothed a hand over her
hair.  "I love you, Stephanie."
     "I love you too, Daddy."
    There was still no news.  It was going to be a long night.

End of Part One

     

Comments gratefully received at the above address.

Sarah XXI: Stroke 2/5
by Carol Gritton (jimcaz@dircon.co.uk)

     It was almost midnight before they were allowed to see Scully. 
Mulder paled and closed his eyes when he saw her hooked up to all
manner of machinery.  Another view of the same scene flashed through
his mind.  A scene that had happened a long time ago.  He'd never
wanted to see her in that condition again.  Sarah noticed her father
halt in his tracks, almost as if he were afraid, and she took his arm
to steady him.
     "How is she?" asked Sarah.
     "She's comfortable," replied Doctor Greenwood.  "We have the
result of the scan, and Mrs Mulder has had a stroke.  It would appear
that a blood vessel ruptured.  The bleeding is on the right side of
the brain, so her left side will be affected.  We won't know how
she's affected until she regains consciousness, as I said earlier. 
It's a relatively small bleed, but even a small bleed can be
dangerous.  We'll take another scan in the morning to see how she's
doing."
     "Is it all right if we stay here?" asked Sarah.
     The doctor nodded.  "Talk to her... even though she's
unconscious, she may still be aware that you're there.  Some people
like to bring in the patient's favourite music to play, or read their
favourite book aloud.  Anything familiar that might trigger a
response."
     "Thank you, doctor.  We'll bear that in mind."

     Sarah was sensitive enough to know that her father might like
some time alone with Scully.
     "I'll go call Josh and Steph.  I'm sure they'll both still be
up.  Will you be all right, Dad?  Can I get you anything while I'm
gone?"  Neither of them had had anything to eat or drink, only a cup
of something that masqueraded as coffee from a hospital vending
machine several hours earlier.
     "I'll be fine, sweetheart.  I don't need anything right now. 
I'd just like to spend some time with your Mom."  He gave Sarah a
watery smile, and she leaned down and kissed him.
     "I won't be long, Dad."
     Mulder watched her go.  Sarah was a good girl, and he loved her
very much.  He turned his attention back to Scully.  Mulder lifted
her small hand and enclosed it in his.  He stroked the back of it
absently.
     "Scully... I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here. 
Sarah's here too, but she's gone to call Josh and Stephanie.  They
had to go home, but they'll be back tomorrow."  He paused.  "What
happened, Scully?  You were fine when I went out this morning, except
for your headache.  Was it worse than you led me to believe?  You
always tell me that you're fine because you want to protect me from
how you're really feeling.  Do you think I can't handle the truth?" 
He stroked her hair away from her forehead.  "God, Scully... I love
you so much.  I couldn't bear to lose you.  We've been through so
much together... I don't want to go on without you."  Mulder wiped a
tear from his eye.  "Scully, please... come back to me.  I can't live
without you."
     He lifted Scully's hand to his lips and kissed it, held it
against his cheek.  "Can you feel me, Scully?  I'm not going to go
away, I'll be here for as long as it takes.  I know you can hear me,
Scully, I know you'll come back to me.  I love you, Scully... I'm not
going to let you leave me."

     Sarah came back into the room, closing the door quietly.  Her
father was sitting by Scully's bedside, holding her hand, stroking it
gently.
     "Did you get hold of Josh?" he asked.
     "Yeah.  He and Steph will come in tomorrow morning.  Would you
like me to sit with Mom for a while?  Why don't you take a walk, get
some air?"
     "No.  I want to stay here with her.  She might come round, and I
want to be here when she does.  I don't want her to think that she's
alone."
     "Daddy, I don't think she's going to come round tonight," said
Sarah softly.  "And Mom will know that she's not alone.  She knows
that someone will be here, whatever the time of day."
     "I can't leave her, Sarah.  You don't understand..."
     "What I understand is that you feel guilty, that you blame
yourself.  Daddy, this is not your fault.  Please don't do this to
yourself.  Mom won't mind if you step out for a few minutes, and I'll
be here to keep her company."  Sarah crouched down so that she could
look up into her father's face.  "Daddy, just take five minutes."
     Mulder looked down into his eldest daughter's face and gave a
little smile.
     "I could never say no to you, could I?"  He reached out and
cupped her cheek, and Sarah placed her hand against his.
     "Just do this for me, Daddy.  If there's any change, I'll come
and get you, I promise."
     "Five minutes - that's the absolute maximum."
     "Okay - it's a deal.  Now go."
     Mulder backed out of the room, determined not to miss the
slightest movement should Scully make any.

     Sarah took her father's place beside the bed, and took Scully's
hand in hers.
     "Hi, Mom, it's Sarah.  I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that I
finally managed to convince Dad to take a five minute break.  Mom,
I'm sure you know that Daddy blames himself for this, he's feeling so
guilty.  I'm afraid for him if you don't come back to us.  You are
the love of his life... more so than me and Steph and Josh.  To lose
you would be like losing a part of himself."  Sarah stroked Scully's
hand thoughtfully.  "You're a fighter, Mom, and I know you won't let
this thing beat you.  We'll help you all we can, we love you, and we
don't want to lose you, but you have to do your part.  You have to
fight, because we can't do it alone."
     Mulder stood outside in the cool night air.  Sarah had been
right - it had been a good idea for him to come down and get some
air.  He needed to escape that sterile, hospital smell, even if it
was only for five minutes.  He rubbed his hands over his face, then
ran his fingers through his hair.  How would he face life without
Scully?  Mulder didn't want to dwell on that thought - he had to
believe that she would get better, that she would recover, but he
knew it would be a recurring theme all the time she lay there in a
coma.
     Sarah looked up as her father came back into the room.
     "Any change?" he asked softly, and Sarah shook her head.  He
hadn't really expected any. Mulder sat down beside her and took
Scully's hand, his eyes scanning her face for the slightest movement,
but there was none.
     "Dad, would you rather be alone with Mom?" asked Sarah.
     Mulder shook his head.  If ever he needed his family, it was
now.  He reached out and stroked Scully's cheek.
     "I never told her enough just how much I love her," said Mulder
softly.
     Sarah took her father's free hand.  "I think she knows how much
you love her, Dad.  You don't always have to say the words.  It's
obvious in so many other ways.  You know Dad, when I was small, I
noticed how much you and Mom used to touch one another.  It may only
have been the lightest, briefest touch, but it was a touch,
nonetheless.  You spoke without speaking, your expressions conveying
what you wanted to say, what you felt.  It was like you had some sort
of secret method of communicating with one another.  A loving touch
or look speaks volumes, Dad.  Look how often you used to touch me, or
Steph or Josh when we were small - just the feel of your hand running
over my hair, or resting on my head made me feel loved, made me feel
that I was safe.  I've seen the way Mom looks at you when you rest
your hand in the small of her back...  She knows, Dad."  

     Sarah woke with a start, her father shaking her gently by the
shoulder.
     "Tea?" he asked.
     "Thanks.  What time is it?" enquired Sarah, rubbing her eyes.
     "Six."
     "How long have I been asleep?"  She raised her arms and
stretched, easing out the kinks in her joints and spine.
     "About three hours," replied her father.
     Sarah took the cup of tea from him, studying him as she did so. 
His eyes were red rimmed and bleary.  It was apparent that he had not
slept, and he'd been crying.
     "How are you holding up, Dad?"
     "I'm okay, sweetheart."  He mustered a smile for her, and
squeezed her hand.  "You should go home and get some rest.  I'm sure
Robin and the boys would like to see you."
     "I'll go later, once Steph and Josh have arrived."
     "Josh called already.  I don't think he or your sister got much
sleep last night.  They'll be coming in around nine.  I asked them to
stop by the house and bring a few things for me."
     "Dad, you really should go home and get some rest.  I can see
that you haven't had any sleep..."  Sarah knew she was wasting her
breath.
     "I'm fine, sweetheart.  Why don't you go and get yourself some
breakfast?"
     "What about you?  Shall I bring you anything?  What about a
danish or a muffin?"
     "I'm not really hungry," answered her father.
     Sarah put her arms around him.  "Dad, you've got to eat.  You're
not going to be much use to Mom if you're fainting from starvation
when she comes round."  
     It wasn't lost on Mulder that Sarah had said 'when' and not
'if.'  
     "Do you really think she'll pull through, Sarah?"
     "Yes, I do.  Who else is going to keep you in line, huh?  Mom's
the only one that can control you... she's the only one you ever
listen to."  
     "Only because it's more than my life's worth not to!"
     Sarah smiled, and kissed his cheek, rough with stubble.  "Oh,
that tickles!"
     Mulder smiled at her.  Hearing those words from his daughter
brought back fond memories.  "You always said that when you came into
bed with me in the morning, when you were small.  You used to lift
the blanket and slide in beside me, then put your arms around me and
kiss me."
     "And sometimes you'd pretend that you were still asleep,"
chuckled Sarah softly.
     "I remember the first time you came into my bed - well, the
couch.  It was the day after I brought you home with me... you woke
up really early.  I suppose that was because you were in strange
surroundings.  I'd been awake half the night, listening out for your
breathing.  I heard you stir, and it must have woken me up... I don't
think I'd been asleep for very long.  You crept in beside me, and
laid your head on my chest... I ran my hand over your hair, and it
was so silky and soft..."  He paused for a long time, seeing the
picture in his mind, and when Mulder spoke, his voice was thick with
emotion.  "I don't think you have any idea how I felt."
     Sarah's arms tightened around him.  "I think I do now, Dad." 
She gave him a squeeze.  "I'll go get us something to eat."
   
     Josh and Stephanie duly arrived at nine o'clock.  Hugs and
kisses were exchanged, and they both said 'hello' to, and kissed,
their mother.
     "Is there any change?" asked Steph, a note of despair in her
tone.
     "No," answered Mulder.  "They've been coming by and checking her
at regular intervals.  Dr Greenwood says she'll have another scan
this morning... maybe we'll know more then."  He looked up at Josh. 
"Did you bring the things I asked for, Josh?"
     "Yeah, Dad."  He handed his father a black sports bag.  Mulder
opened it and took out some clean clothes and a washing kit, the
leather bound copy of "Moby Dick" that he had given Scully on their
first wedding anniversary, a portable CD player and some of Scully's
favourite music.
     "I thought we could read to her," said Mulder, placing the book
on the little cabinet beside Scully's bed.  "And play her favourite
music."
     "Well, Dr Greenwood did say that it could help... that Mom might
hear it even while she's unconscious," said Josh.  "Maybe I should
sing to her!"  He grinned, and the others laughed.  Josh was just
like his father, using humour to lighten a dark situation.
     "You do that and your Mom might decide she's better off where
she is," chuckled Mulder.  The thought did occur that maybe it was
inappropriate to be laughing and joking in such a situation, but if
Scully could hear, surely it was better that she heard her family
laughing rather than weeping.  At least it lent some semblance of
normality to the situation.

     At nine thirty, Scully was taken away for another scan, and the
family moved to the small waiting room.  God, the times Mulder had
been in rooms like this one.  However user friendly the hospitals
tried to make them, they always seemed depressing to him.  
     "I'm going to freshen up and change," he announced.  He couldn't
just sit there and wait, he had to be doing something, something to
take his mind off  the subject that was uppermost in his mind.  It
was a subject, that although unpleasant, they couldn't avoid. It had
to be discussed.  
     "How's Dad holding up?" asked Stephanie as soon as Mulder was
out of the room.
     Sarah shook her head tiredly.  "You know Dad, he's as bad as Mom
when it comes to telling you how he really feels.  I practically had
to force feed him a danish this morning.  I managed a couple of hours
sleep last night, but he didn't get any.  As much as I'm worried
about Mom, I'm worried about him, too."  Sarah let out a long sigh.
    "And what about you, sis?  How are you holding up?" asked Josh
softly, taking his big sister's hand and squeezing it.
     "I'm okay, Josh.  I'd give anything for a nice comfortable bed
and eight hours uninterrupted sleep, but..."  She trailed off and
shrugged, then ran a hand through her hair.  "I guess I should call
Robin and speak to the boys."
     "I expect they're missing you," smiled Steph.
     "Yeah," said Sarah wistfully.

     Mulder returned, looking considerably fresher after his wash and
brush up.
     "You okay, Dad?"asked Josh.
     "I'm fine, son.  You don't need to worry about me."  Mulder sat
down and studied his hands for a moment.  Then he looked up at his
children one by one.  Stephanie sat on a chair opposite, Josh sat
beside his father, and Sarah stood by the window.  She looked
terrible, thought Mulder, and he was going to send her home after
their discussion.  He couldn't put it off any longer.  He cleared his
throat.
     "We need to talk about your Mom's living will."
     Immediately Stephanie bristled, her eyes flashing with anger. 
"Dad, you..."
     Mulder held up a hand to silence her.  "Just listen for a
moment, Stephanie, and let me finish, then you can all have your say.
I know we touched on it yesterday, but we need to be clear about
what we're going to do in the event..."  Mulder's voice wobbled a
bit.  "... in the event that it needs to be invoked."
     "You can't do it, Dad, you can't," pleaded Stephanie.  "How can
you even think of doing that to someone you love?"
     "Because it's what your Mom would want," answered Mulder
quietly.  "This was something she thought long and hard about - it's
not something you enter into lightly."
     "But if you pulled the plug, you would never know if she might
have recovered.  All the while there's a chance..."
     "Sweetheart, there are very specific tests for measuring brain
function, the doctors would have to do those tests and satisfy
themselves, and us, that there was no hope whatsoever of recovery. 
It's not as if we're going to march in there right now and demand
they pull the plug.  I'm as hopeful as you are that Scully will make
a full recovery, but we have to be prepared in case that doesn't
happen."
     Stephanie shook her head.  "I can't believe that you're even
thinking about that!"
     "Dad's right, Steph," said Josh.  "You're just burying your head
in the sand."
     "Oh, really?"  Stephanie's voice started to rise.  "You all seem
to have accepted the fact that Mom's going to die!  You all seem to
have given up hope already!  How can you do that?"
     "We haven't given up hope, Steph," said Sarah quietly.  "The
fact of the matter is that Mom has a living will, and it's up to us
to execute her wishes should the worst come to the worst.  We have to
be ready to face that possibility."
     "It's easy for you to say that - she's not your mother!" cried
Stephanie angrily.
     Sarah's face turned white and tears sprang into her eyes.  She
felt as if she had been slapped in the face and her heart had been
ripped from her chest.
     Mulder's face looked like thunder.  "Stephanie!  How dare you
say that to your sister!  Apologise this minute!" he roared.
     Even Josh stood there with is mouth open, unable to believe that
his sister could say such a thing.
     "Stephanie - apologise to your sister!"
     With that, Steph turned and fled in tears.
     Mulder turned to his elder daughter.  "Sarah..."
     "It's okay, Dad.  She's upset, just leave it.  She didn't mean
what she said."
     "I'll go and find her," volunteered Josh.
     "No, leave her be," sighed Sarah.  "Let her cool down for a
while.  I guess we should have expected this.  She's closer to Mom
than you or me... and don't forget that it was Steph who found Mom in
the first place."
     "Even so, there was no justification for her to say that to
you," said Mulder.  He was still angry at Stephanie's outburst - in
his eyes, what she had said was unforgivable.
     "Maybe you should talk to Steph alone about this, Dad,"
suggested Josh.
     "I think you're right, Josh.  I'll talk to her later."

     Scully was back from her scan, and the doctor had reported a
slight decrease in the pressure on her brain.  The bleeding appeared
to have stopped, too.  Other than that, there was no change.      
"It's still early yet," said Dr Greenwood.  "It may take a few more
days before there's any real sign of progress."  He glanced at the
bedside cabinet.  "I see you brought some of her favourite things
in."
     "Yeah - I'm just going to start reading to her," said Josh.
     "That's good.  I'll leave you to it, then."
     Sarah left Mulder and Josh at Scully's bedside.  She had to get
out and get some air after the clash with Stephanie.  She really
wanted to go home, but she needed to clear things up with her sister
beforehand.  It wouldn't do to let the situation drag on.
     Sarah found a vacant bench, sat down and took several deep and
cleansing breaths, then rotated her head to get the tension out of
her neck.  She sat there, her eyes closed, soaking up the warmth of
the autumn sun.
     "Can I join you?"
     She looked up to see her sister standing there.
     "Sure."  Sarah moved up a little, making space, and Stephanie
sat down.
     "It's a beautiful morning," she said.  "It's a shame Mom can't
see it."
     "There'll be plenty more like it for Mom to see," answered
Sarah.  A silence fell between them for a moment, then Stephanie took
a deep breath.
     "I'm sorry for what I said, Sarah.  It was unforgivable."
     "It doesn't matter, Steph.  I know you were upset."
     "I was upset, and I lashed out in the heat of the moment.  I
know how much you love Mom..."
    "Yes, I do.  You have to realise that since I was six, Mom is the
only mother I have known.  It's as if she's always been there - she
comforted me when I cried, she tucked me in at night.  I'd feel her
loss just as much as you and Josh would."
     "I know.  Sarah, I feel terrible for what I said."  Steph's eyes
shimmered with unshed tears.
     "It's okay, Steph."  Sarah put her arm around her sister.  "I
know this is hard for you... you finding Mom and all."
      "Is Dad mad at me?"
      "He'll get over it.  This is tough on all of us, and it's going
to get worse before it gets better."  Sarah hugged her sister to her.
"Come on, let's get back before Dad sends out a search party."

End of Part Two


Sarah XXI: Stroke 3/5
by Carol Gritton (jimcaz@dircon.co.uk)

     Mulder was pleased to see his two girls together again.  They
were so different, like chalk and cheese.  
     "You two okay now?" he asked, as Steph leaned over and kissed
him.
     "We're fine, Dad," she replied.
     "I'm glad."  He patted her hand.  "We're all tired and stressed
- getting at each other isn't going to help us in any way."  This was
the worst crisis they had ever had to endure as a family - it
wouldn't do to fall apart now.
     "I know, and I'm sorry for earlier.  How's Mom?  What was the
result of the scan?"
     Mulder filled his middle child in on what had happened while she
had been absent, then he looked up at Sarah.  She looked dead on her
feet.
     "Sweetheart, I think you should go home and get some sleep. 
You've been on the go for the past twenty four hours with hardly a
break."
     Sarah nodded, her father was right, and she was exhausted.
     "Josh, could you drive Sarah home?"
     "It's okay, Dad - I can drive myself."
     "No, Sarah - you're almost asleep now.  I don't want another
member of my family tucked up in a hospital bed."
     "There's no need for Josh to drive me - if it makes you happy,
I'll take a cab."
     Mulder was happy enough with that.
     "I'll be back around seven - I'd like to be there to give Ben
and Jamie their dinner."
     "I'm sure that Robin would like to see you, too," smiled Mulder.
 "He called a little while ago to check on your Mom - he's missing
you."
     "Yeah, I miss him, too." 

     With Sarah gone, and Josh down in the cafeteria, it was just
Mulder and Stephanie left sitting with Scully.
     "Shall I read to Mom for a while?" Stephanie asked.
     "Later," replied her father.  "I want to talk to you,
Stephanie."
     "What about?"
     "About what happened earlier."  He saw Steph catch her lower lip
in her teeth, a sure sign that she was worried as to what was going
to come next.  "It's okay, sweetheart... I just want to explain a few
things to you."
     Stephanie relaxed a little, and he took her hand in his.  Even
though she was a fully grown woman, her hand was still small compared
to her father's, it still fitted within the palm of his hand.
     "Stephanie, I want you to know that I'm not approaching the
matter of your mother's living will lightly.  Along with you, and
your brother and sister, I love your Mom more than anything in the
world.  It would finish me to lose any of you."  He stopped and
stroked the back of her hand.  "I've been through all this once
before with your Mom, years ago... do you really think I want to do
it again?"
     "You never said..."  Stephanie looked shocked to think that her
mother had lain at death's door and they'd never known about it.
     "It's done and in the past.  When your Mom asked me to be the
witness to her living will all those years ago, I never dreamed that
I'd have to invoke it.  I was at the hospital with Granny Margaret,
and your Aunt Melissa, and I couldn't go through with it.  I couldn't
accept the fact that Scully was dying.  She was in a far worse state
then than she is now, believe me."
     "When was this?" asked Steph.
     "Years ago - before Sarah came to live with me.  I honestly
thought that I was going to lose your mother then.  I know that it
was what she wanted, but I couldn't do it... I was like you, clinging
to the last vestige of hope, when everyone else had given up."
     "But she pulled through."
     "Yes, but no thanks to me.  I'm ashamed to say that I didn't
acquit myself very well throughout the entire episode."
     "How bad was she, Dad?"
     "Granny Margaret went as far as getting a memorial tablet for
your mother - I remember going along with her to collect it."
     Stephanie was silent, pondering on her mother's narrow escape
from death.
     "Sweetheart, you go right on believing that she's going to
recover - we all believe that, but at the same time, we should also
be prepared for the worst.  What you said to Sarah was said out of
desperation, I know that, but it still wasn't a very nice thing to
say, and I'm glad you've made your peace with her.  I know you didn't
mean to hurt her, but she was hurt, very much so."
     He knew Sarah better than anyone, and he knew when she was
hurting, even if no-one else did.
     "Dad, I always envied the relationship you and Sarah shared... I
always wanted that for myself."
     Mulder caressed Stephanie's cheek.  "Sweetheart, I thought we'd
got past all this.  I love you because you're you.  You're not in
competition with Sarah - I know you always felt that you were, but I
never saw it that way.  You have your own gifts, you've enriched my
life in different, but just as important, ways as she has, as Josh
has.  I love you because you're my daughter, you're a part of me, and
a part of Scully.  You were conceived and born out of the love I have
for your mother - how could I not love you?"  
     Was it still possible that she doubted her father's love for
her?  Mulder didn't even want to consider that.  Maybe she just
needed reassuring of the fact with the possibility that she might
lose her mother.
     Stephanie's bottom lip trembled, and she began to cry.  "Oh,
Daddy," she wept, burying her head into his shoulder.  "I don't doubt
your love for me.  I love you so much, too.  I don't mean to be
selfish, but Mom is... well, she's my best friend, Dad."  Tears fell
in a stream as Steph tried to explain her feelings.  "I don't know
what I'd do without her."
     "Me neither, baby, me neither."  Mulder closed his eyes as he
hugged Steph, a tear falling down his cheek.  "Why don't you spend
some time with her?  Talk to her or read to her.  It'll do you good."
 He pulled back and looked into her face, drawing out a small smile.
     Steph wiped away her tears and nodded.  "Yeah, I think I'd like
to.  Thanks, Dad."
     Mulder kissed her forehead and stroked her arm for reassurance.

     Stephanie watched Mulder turn to leave, then took a deep breath
after the door closed and pulled her chair close to Scully's bedside.
 She reached over and brushed a few strands of her mother's hair back
into place.
     "I guess you heard all that.  I'm such a fool, Mom.  I let my
mouth go without thinking.  You've tried hard to get me to open up,
and when I do, I end up making people angry or hurting them.  You
just can't take me anywhere, can you."  Stephanie smiled and squeezed
Scully's hand.
     She took a deep, cleansing breath, mostly to fight the tears. 
"Gracie misses you.  She wanted to talk to you when I spoke to them
last night.  She wanted her Mimi.  She's getting pretty good at
saying it, I guess you'll be Mimi to her from now on.  Ross said
she's running his mother ragged, they can't keep her down.  She's
been such a little mimic lately, Mom," Stephanie said excitedly. 
"She will repeat anything, so we have to be careful what we say
around her."
     The smile faded from Steph's face as she looked at the monitor
and all the machinery in the room, and a tear fell.  It was hard to
regain control.  She couldn't stand to see her mother like this. 
Scully had been the strong one in the family, the one to hold
everyone together.  To see her so weak and helpless was more 
than Stephanie could take.
     "They'll be back the day after tomorrow.  I miss them.  You were
so right about Ross, Mom.  He's so good to me, I never thought I'd
find anyone like him.  After all the trouble I put you and Dad
through...  Do you remember the first time I told you about Ross? 
You smiled, and said that but for a few subtle differences, I could
have been talking about Dad.  The first time I set eyes on Ross, I
knew that we would spend our lives together... was it like that for
you and Dad?"  Her voice caught in her throat.
     Stephanie swallowed and cleared her throat, then took a deep
breath.  "Boy, this is so hard."  She began again.  "Houston was
good.  They have a lot of new ideas for an open class room.  I don't
know how well it will go over, though.  Oh, and I sold another
children's book.  The publisher says it should go over big.  I'm
having so much fun with that, Mom.  I never told you how much I
appreciate you pushing me the way you did.  I never would've had the
courage to submit the first one if it hadn't been for you."
     Stephanie let go of Scully's hand, she'd had a tight hold on it
for too long.  "Anyway, Ross and I celebrate our third year pretty
soon.  He's been teasing me about a surprise, he knows it gets to me.
 God, I love him so much, Mom.  Well, he doesn't know about a
surprise I have for him.  I haven't told anyone yet.  I found out
just before I went to Houston."  
     Steph took a sip of water.  "I'm pregnant again, Mom.  About
four weeks along.  Ross will be so happy, I just know it.  He loves
kids.  Says he always wanted brothers and sisters, but he was an only
child.  Well, you know about that, I've told you already.  He's been
pestering me for a house full of kids, so he's well on his way, I
guess."
     She paused.  "It's just that... well, I need you here, Mom.  How
am I going to have another child without your help?  You remember all
the headaches I gave you with Gracie?  God, I must have called you
every night with something different.  You were so patient.  How did
you do it, Mom?  How did you have three kids and stay sane?" 
Stephanie stood and walked over to the window.  "It's such a
beautiful day, Mom.  I wish you could see it.  The sun is out, the
wind is cool.  No one would think that..."  She stopped herself,
shaking her head.  No, I have to think positive.
     "Am I ready for another child?  I have my hands full with
Gracie.  She's so cute, a little piece of heaven.  When she's not
with me, I feel so lost, Mom.  Was it like that with you?  Is it like
that for everyone?  I never dreamed I could be so happy with her and
Ross.  Sometimes my heart is so full I just know it will burst." 
Stephanie sighed and thought about her husband.  "I know Ross will
want a boy, but I kind of want another girl, Mom."
     She turned back to face her mother.  "I was thinking of naming
her Samantha after Dad's sister.  Do you think he'd like that?  I
wouldn't want to upset him, though.  I always seem to upset him.  If
it's a boy, I thought about Ross Jr., but I don't know.  You'll have
to help me with that.  There's still so much I don't know, Mom."  She
broke down again.  There was so much she wanted to say, so much still
to do.
     Stephanie straightened herself quickly.  "I'm sorry, Mom.  I
know you'd want me to be stronger and I'm trying, really I am. 
Please don't be ashamed of me.  I feel like I've let everyone down." 
She sat down in the chair again and leaned forward.  "I'm scared. 
You're always there for me, Mom.  Don't make me go it alone.  I'm not
ready for that yet.  I need you.  Dad needs you.  We all do.  I want
you to see Gracie grow up.  I want you to see little Sammie or Ross
Jr. come into this world."
     Stephanie sighed and leaned back, placing a hand on her stomach.
 "Oh, and the thing is, see, there's a history of twins in Ross'
family.  You know how they skip a generation?  Well, two of his
uncles are twins.  I could have twins, Mom.  Think about that!  Two
at one time.  It's only been a month and I've already gained five
pounds.  I'm afraid I'm going to blow up like a balloon this time. 
And if it twins, I'm going to seriously injure Ross."  Stephanie
smiled.  "I'll need you to doctor him back up."
     She sighed and let a few moments of silence pass as she stared
at her hands.  "I love you, Mom."  Stephanie reached out and placed
her hand on her mother's as the door opened.  She turned to see her
brother's coppery head peeking round the door.
     "Hey," said Josh softly.  "Can I come in?"
     "Of course," replied Steph.  "I was just talking to Mom. 
Telling her what Gracie's been up to lately..."
     "Let me guess - twisting everyone around her little finger!"  He
grinned.  "She has that way about her, doesn't she?  She's a great
kid, Steph - you should be very proud of her."
     "I am, Josh."  Steph's eyes misted over again.
     "You okay, sis?"  Josh put his arm around her shoulders and she
nodded
     "It's just so hard seeing Mom like this, that's all."
     "Yeah... it is a bit hard to take, but she's going to be fine,
you'll see."  He paused.  "That's if the sound of my voice doesn't
drive her mad first."  Josh gave his sister a wicked grin, and
received a welcome smile in return.
     
     Sarah returned just after seven.  She greeted Scully, kissed and
stroked her cheek, but there was no response.
     "There hasn't been any progress," reported Josh.  He'd been
there all day, along with Mulder and Steph.  "I've been reading and
talking to her on and off - she's probably sick of the sound of my
voice."  He gave his sister a weak smile, and Sarah squeezed his arm.
     "We don't know how long it's going to take, Josh - we just have
to be patient."  Sarah took a deep breath.  While she'd been at home
resting, she'd had time to think.  "In view of the uncertainty, I
think we should come up with some sort of visiting rota.  It's silly
us all being here at the same time."
     "I agree," said Mulder.  "I think a rota's an excellent idea. 
You can't all spend every minute of the day here.  You've got other
things going on in your lives that have to be attended to - other
people that need you.  I don't want any of you to neglect your own
needs."
     "Like you're doing, you mean?" slipped in Josh.
     "That's different, Josh," said Mulder quietly.  "My place is
here with your Mom.  She needs me."
     "Let's not start arguing amongst ourselves again," sighed Sarah.
 "If we're going to make this rota work, we'd better decide who's
coming in and when."
     Ten minutes later, the rota had been decided.  Josh would do the
evenings, leaving Mulder there alone overnight.  Sarah would come in
the morning, staying until lunch time, then Stephanie would take over
until it was time for Josh to come back.  They made it flexible, so
that if one couldn't make it for any reason, a phone call was all it
took to swap with one of the others.
     They all stayed for the rest of the evening, leaving Mulder
there on his own at around ten thirty.  Tomorrow the rota would
commence.

     Sarah arrived the next morning, bearing supplies.  She greeted
Scully and her father with a kiss, then Mulder gave her a brief
rundown of what had happened overnight.  Basically, there was no
change.
     "She's still unresponsive," he said, one hand holding Scully's
and the other smoothing her fading red hair.  "What have you got
there?"
     "Coffee and a couple of muffins.  And before you say anything,
you've got to eat.  You can have this, then go and freshen up." 
Sarah had decided that it was time to be tougher with her dad.
     "Fine," he replied.  He took the coffee from her and sipped it. 
It was a relief to drink coffee that actually tasted like coffee. 
"So how're things with you?"
     "Okay.  Ben and Jamie want to know when they can come and see
Mom."
     "What did you tell them?"
     "I told them that their Nanna was too poorly to have visitors
right now, but when she's a little better they can come and see her."
 Sarah glanced at Scully.  "I didn't think it appropriate for them to
see her with all the machinery.  It would only frighten them."
     "I think you did the right thing, Sarah," replied Mulder.  He
took a bite out of a muffin.
     "Anyway, they made her this."  Sarah reached into her bag, drew
out a home made card and handed it to her father.  Mulder chuckled
when he looked at it.
     "It's lovely, sweetheart.  Scully, your grandsons have made you
a get well card.  It has a big, smiling sun on the front, and inside,
it says, 'To Nanna, get well soon - we miss you.  Love from Ben and
Jamie.'  And there's four big kisses.  I guess that's two each." 
Mulder placed the card on the nightstand, where everyone could see
it, then finished the muffin and washed it down with the last of the
coffee.  "I'd better go freshen up.  If Scully..."
     "I'll come and get you, Dad - I promise."
     Mulder nodded, picked up the things he needed and left the room.
 As soon as the door was closed, Sarah let out a long sigh, and
turned to Scully.  She took her mother's hand in hers.
     "What am I going to do with him, Mom?" she asked in despair.  "I
wish you could talk some sense into him.  You're the only one he'll
listen to."  Sarah saw the children's card out of the corner of her
eye.  "I hope you like Ben and Jamie's card - they spent ages on it. 
Jamie drew the sun on the front, and Ben did the writing.  Jamie
loves drawing... I think he must get that from me."
     Sarah paused.   "Oh, Robin sends his love, and he's going to try
and look in later.  He's been wonderful... so supportive.  I think
he's enjoying spending time with the boys.  He got them up and gave
them their breakfast this morning, so that I could have an extra half
hour. Robin's so good that way."  She stroked Scully's small hand
absently, tears welling up in her warm brown eyes.
     "This is so hard, seeing you lying here like this.  My strong,
capable Mom..."  Sarah cried softly for a few minutes, then smiled
through her tears.  "It'll be Halloween soon.  The boys want me to
take them trick or treating.  That was where it all began, wasn't it,
Mom?  Do you remember how you almost frightened the life out of me
the first time we met?  You were all dressed up in that witch's
costume, with that disgusting dangly eyeball.  Dad said it was a
wonder I didn't have nightmares for weeks after."  Sarah sighed. 
"That seems like such a long time ago now, Mom.  We've come through
such a lot together, you and me.  You were always a powerful ally
when Dad was being stubborn about letting me do something, or go
somewhere that he didn't approve of.  You've always been the voice of
reason in our house.  I know Dad has his moments, but you've always
been the one that could sweet talk him round."
     Sarah stood, and walked to the window.  "You've always been so
loving and supportive, and I've appreciated that so much, Mom.  It's
comforting to know that you're always there if I need you.  You're so
important to me, to this family... you're the linchpin that holds it
all together.   I'm sure I never told you that I love you often
enough... it's only when something like this happens that you realise
the importance of those three little words."   
      She walked back to the bed and sat on the side of it, stroking
Scully's cheek, just as her father came back into the room.  He gave
her a questioning look, and Sarah shook her head.  She was as adept
as her mother and father at non-verbal communication.

End of Part Three


Sarah XXI: Stroke 4/5
by Carol Gritton (jimcaz@dircon.co.uk)

     Sarah made way for Steph, who in turn made way for Josh.  He
read to Scully for a while, and they listened to some music, but
there was still no response.  Mulder was starting to get impatient at
the lack of progress.
     "Surely we should have seen something by now," he said.
     "Not necessarily, Dad," replied Josh.  "You heard what Dr
Greenwood said - these things take time.  I'm sure that the longer
Mom is out, the more chance she has of healing.  You know as well as
I do that when you're sick the best remedy is to sleep. We have no
way of knowing how long it's going to take.  It could be days, weeks,
months... You just have to be patient."
     "This is me you're talking to, Josh," said Mulder, with a smile.
 "Patience is something that I have in very short supply."  He
squeezed his son's arm.  "I know what you're saying son, and I'll sit
here for as long as it takes... if it takes forever, I'll be here.  I
love your mom that much..."
     "I know, Dad."  Josh's voice was soft.  This was so hard for
them all, but particularly their father.  "Look, you need a break,
and I'd like some time alone with Mom.  Why don't you go down to the
cafeteria for a while?"
     Mulder stood, unfolding his long and still lean frame from the
hospital issue chair.  "Yeah - I think I will.  I might get some air
while I'm about it.  That antiseptic smell gets to you after a time."
     
     Josh pulled his chair closer to the bed and took his mother's
hand.  "You hear all that, Mom?  Dad's getting antsy, and you know
what he's like when he gets that way.  If you're thinking of coming
back to us, could you make it soon?  I think Dad's getting ready to
blow."  Josh caressed  Scully's cheek.  She was so tiny, he wondered
how she had ever given birth to him.  He had been a good weight when
he was born, bigger than his sister Stephanie.
     "Bet you never thought I'd grow this big, did you, Mom?" he said
softly.  "That's the Mulder in me - you've got Dad to thank for
that."  Josh chuckled.   "I'm a pain in the ass like him, too, aren't
I?  God, Mom - how did you put up with the two of us for so long?  I
think you deserve a medal, and when you get out of here, I'm going to
get you one.  For service above and beyond the call of duty, I think
it'll say."
     Josh was silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts.  Like his
sisters, there was so much that he wanted to say.  Josh wasn't shy
about expressing his feelings - he'd learned from his father that it
was all right to show how or what he was feeling.  Mulder hadn't
wanted his son to grow up repressing his emotions the way that he had
- it wasn't healthy.
     "Fiona sends you her love, by the way.  I see you received her
flowers - they're just beautiful.  Dad said he told you what was in
the arrangement, so I won't go through it all again."  He leaned
forward and took her hand again.  "Listen, when you're better, you
and Dad must come over for dinner.   We've almost finished decorating
the apartment now, and it looks real nice.  Fiona has such an eye for
decoration.  It's a good job she didn't leave it up to me - we'd have
had purple walls and orange carpet!"  He was exaggerating, of course,
hoping for a response but none was forthcoming.
     A sudden smile appeared on his face.  "Hey, Mom - do you
remember the time I took Dad's handcuffs and cuffed Steph to the
kitchen table leg?"  Josh gave a chuckle as he recalled that
particular boyhood escapade.   He must have been all of six at the
time.  Mulder had always put his handcuffs away where he hoped that
no-one could get them, but of course, Josh had found a way around
that.  As a child, he'd had the ability to get into the smallest
nooks and crannies imaginable, leading Mulder to wonder if his son
didn't have a touch of the Eugene Victor Tooms about him.  
     Thankfully, Mulder locked his gun away every night, so there was
no chance of the children getting their hands on it.  In the days
before Sarah shared his apartment, he'd leave it on the coffee table
as he slept on the couch, but once she arrived, he had to start
taking safety precautions.  Once Josh, with his ability to get into
everything, was mobile, safety became even more important.  
     "No-one could find the key to unlock her - I think it had fallen
out when I took the cuffs out of that box Dad kept them in.  Steph
cried her eyes out, do you remember?  She thought she was going to be
stuck there forever!"  Josh rocked with soft laughter at his sister's
misfortune.
     Then he was serious again.  "I miss you, Mom.  Why do you think
I stayed at home for so long?  Well... I suppose there was the added
attraction of getting my washing and ironing done for free, plus a
good home cooked meal every night...  Actually, I only stayed at home
to annoy Dad, but don't tell him that!"  Josh chuckled again, just as
his father came back into the room.
     "Feel better?" asked Josh.
     "Yeah," answered Mulder.  "So what have you been talking about?"
     "Oh, this and that.  I told Mom that you should both come to
dinner when she's better.  The decorating's nearly finished."
     "That I must see," grinned Mulder.  "You mean to tell me Fiona
let you loose with a paint brush?  I've never forgotten the time I
let you help me paint the den!"
     "Dad, I was ten years old!" laughed Josh.  "How was I suppose to
know you'd already painted the wall?"
     "Well, the fact that you leaned against it and the wet paint
ended up on your clothes should have alerted you to the fact.  Your
mom nearly had a heart attack when she saw the mess you were in.  You
cost us a fortune in clothing when you were young."  Mulder gazed at
his strapping son, amazed that he had ever been that age.
     "Is there any other reason for asking us to dinner?" ventured
Mulder.
     "Such as?" enquired Josh.  He was pretty sure what was coming
next.
     "Well, far be it from me to pry into your private life, but when
are you going to make an honest woman of Fiona?"
     "Aw, Dad - we're happy enough as we are.  Maybe we'll get around
to it one day."
     "Well... don't leave it too long, Josh, especially if you want
children.  I nearly made that mistake...  I'm not talking about me,
I'm talking about your mom.  She was old fashioned enough to believe
that you should be married before you start a family, and neither of
us were getting any younger."
     A fleeting look of pain crossed Josh's face.
     "What is it, son?  Don't you want children?  I know you said
that you didn't after the Cally thing, but..."
     "It's not that, Dad.  Fiona..."  Josh ran a hand through his
copper hair.  "She has a few problems in that area.  If we wanted a
child we'd have to undergo fertility treatment."
      "Oh, shit... me and my big mouth."  Mulder felt terrible.  "I'm
sorry, Josh... you should have told me to mind my own business."
     "You would have found out sooner or later," shrugged Josh.  
     "Well, I won't say anything to the others."
     "Thanks, Dad."  Josh was quiet for a moment.   "So where did
Mom's views leave you?  I mean, you already had Sarah, and you
weren't married to her mother."
     "I've often thought about that...  I remember Sarah asking,
before I married your mom, if we could make a baby.  I explained that
it was usual for the man and woman to get married before they had a
baby.  I felt a bit of a hypocrite saying that - I hadn't practised
what I was preaching to my daughter.  The daughter that was conceived
and born outside of marriage.  You know that I don't regret Sarah's
existence for one moment, I never have, but I have to agree with your
mom.  In an ideal world, a couple should be married before they even
think about having a family."
     "Yeah...  I guess.  By the way, I won't be able to come tomorrow
night.  Fiona has a Bar Association function..."
     "It's okay, Josh.  Don't worry about it."
     "Well, I'll call Steph and Sarah, ask if one of them will do my
shift."  He gave his father a tired smile.
     "Why don't you call it a night, Josh?"
     "I think I will, if you don't mind.  I'll call in the morning to
see how Mom's doing."  He paused.  "Thanks, Dad."
     "What for?"
     "Everything."
     Mulder smiled at his youngest child.  "Go home, Josh," he said
softly.  "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

      Sarah arrived the next morning to find her father pacing
outside Scully's room.  "What's the matter, Dad?  Why are you out
here?"
     "They're bathing your mom...  I can do that, why won't they let
me do that?"
     "Perhaps they're afraid you might dislodge the breathing tube,
or accidentally knock the machinery," said Sarah gently.  She peeked
through the small glass panel in the door.  "I think they've nearly
finished anyway."
     Mulder still looked troubled.
     "Is there something else, Dad?"
     "I'm not satisfied with your mother's treatment," he replied.
     "They're doing the best they can, Dad."
     "It's not good enough.  They don't seem to be doing anything!" 
His voice had risen a touch.  "She's just lying there, day after day
and all they do is send her for scans and make notes.  We're the ones
doing all the work... talking to her, reading, playing music... how
much longer is it going to be before there's some sign that she's
getting better?"
     Sarah put her arm through his.  Suddenly her father looked old
and tired.  He wasn't getting any younger, and the strain of
maintaining his constant vigil at Scully's bedside was getting to
him. 
      "There isn't anything they can do at this stage except let
nature take its course.  All we can do is stimulate Mom as we've been
doing and hope that it works."  She stroked his arm.  "Robin knows
the head of Neurology - I'm sure he could ask him to take a look at
Mom."
     Mulder patted his daughter's hand.  "Yeah - I'd be grateful for
that, sweetheart."
     Sarah hesitated, an uncertain expression on her face.
     "What is it, Sarah?" asked her father.
     "Dad...  I'm worried about you... about the toll this is taking
on you.  Why don't you come home with me when Steph gets here?  You
can sleep for a couple of hours..."
     "I'm not leaving."  Sarah recognised the determined set of his
mouth, and the slight upward tilt of his chin.  The signs that her
father was not about to be messed with.
     "Daddy..."
     "No!  I'm not leaving.  I'm staying with Scully."
     "And what good are you going to be to Mom when she gets home? 
The way you're going you won't be in a fit state to look after
her..."
     "Don't lecture me, Sarah!"
     Sarah was surprised at the force of his anger, but she tried not
to show it.  He had never shouted at her like that, ever.  They had
argued, sometimes passionately, over the years, but Mulder had never
been one to vent real anger on his children.   "I'm not lecturing
you, Dad... I would never presume to lecture you.  I'm just trying to
make you understand that your sitting here day and night, not eating,
isn't going to do you, or Mom, any good."  
     Mulder sighed, and took Sarah's hands in his.  "I'm sorry,
sweetheart, I didn't mean to yell at you, but you don't understand. 
Your Mom and me... we've been through so much together.  She never
abandoned me, and I can't abandon her."
     "Dad, you wouldn't be abandoning her..."
     "No."  Mulder's tone was firm.
     Sarah paused, then let him have a taste of his own medicine. 
"Damn it, Dad - why do you have to be so stubborn?"  Her deep brown
eyes flashed angrily, and her brow wrinkled.  "God forbid, I don't
want to lose you as well as Mom.  You're such a stubborn,
cantankerous..."
     "Old fool?" interjected her father.  When Sarah looked at him,
she saw the glint of amusement in his eyes.
     "Yes!  I love you, Dad, but sometimes I feel like I could
strangle you.  Sometimes you can be such a martyr...  I know there
are events in the past that you don't talk about, but that doesn't
mean you have to be a slave to them for the rest of your life.  We
all make mistakes, we all have things that we would have done
differently... let them go, Dad.  They're done and in the past, and
that's where they should stay."
     His daughter's insight into his character never ceased to amaze
Mulder.  He was like an open book to her.  Sarah was right, of
course, but it would be difficult to change the habits of a life
time, to erase a lifetime's accumulation of guilt.
     "I don't want to lose her, Sarah," said Mulder softly.  "And I'd
never forgive myself if anything happened and I wasn't there."
      Sarah nodded.  "You're not going to lose her, Dad.  Mom's
tough... she had to be, to put up with you and Josh all these years!"
 Sarah grinned and squeezed his hand, and her father gave her a smile
in return.  "She'll be okay, you'll see."

     Steph arrived at lunch time, and the two sisters took themselves
off to the cafeteria to allow Mulder to spend a little time with
Scully on his own.  Steph took the seat opposite her sister and
stirred her cup of tea.  She looked up at Sarah - she looked tired
and worn, with dark circles under her eyes.  Looking out for their
father, being 'Mom,' was wearing her out. 
     "Sarah, you should go home and get some rest."
     "How can I?  Dad's being his usual stubborn self and is refusing
to leave Mom... I'm so worried about him."  Sarah ran a hand through
her less than tidy hair.
     "He stays out of guilt.  He still thinks that it's his fault
that she's here, and nothing you or I can say or do will convince him
otherwise.  It's his way of punishing himself."  Stephanie drank some
of her tea.  She envied her older sister's strength... Stephanie was
sure that she didn't have what it took to take charge the way Sarah
had taken charge, to hold the family together.  She studied the older
girl for a moment, then said, "Sarah, can I ask you something?"
     "Sure," replied Sarah.
     "What was it like when your mom died?"
     Sarah sat back in her chair and thought before answering.  She'd
thought about Annie a lot in the last few days.  At first the
memories had been hazy, with the passage of time, but Stephanie's
enquiry had brought them into sharp relief.
     "Even though we knew it was coming, it was devastating when it
happened.  Mommy had been sick for such a long time, and I'd had time
to get used to the idea that she was going to die, but it was still a
shock.  It was a slow, painful and lingering death, and I wouldn't
wish it on my worst enemy.
     I last saw her on the morning of the day she died, and I think
she knew the end was imminent.  Daddy was with me... she had insisted
that he took me to see her, and she made him lift me onto the bed so
that she could give me one last cuddle.  She was so thin, and had
barely any strength left in her body, but I can feel her arms around
me even now.  She was wearing a pretty headscarf, turban fashion,
because she had lost all her beautiful hair, and she was wearing her
favourite perfume - she always made the nurse spray it on before I
visited.  Not because she was vain, but because she wanted me to
smell something familiar.  She wanted me to know that the pitiful
body that lay in that bed was still my mother.  She told me that
after she died, I would be going to live with Daddy, that he would
take care of me and that I shouldn't be afraid.  She gave me one last
hug and kiss, and then I lay with her on the bed until our visit
ended. 
      She died later that evening.  I was at home with Daddy, and I
can remember him coming up to my bedroom to tell me that she had
died.  He was crying... he was very upset."  Sarah dabbed at her eyes
and blew her nose.  "I still miss her, even after all this time.  I
regret that she never knew Robin, or Ben and Jamie, but I know that
she's always with me, that she's watching over me."
     "Did you go to the funeral?"
     "Yes.  Daddy thought I should go - and he had to fight to get
his way.  I remember coming down the stairs - I think I'd had a
nightmare, and I was frightened -  and hearing him arguing about it
with Granny Page and my uncle Tim.  They didn't feel that a funeral
was a suitable place for a six year old.  But you know Dad, he's
never one to give up in the face of adversity, and he managed to
convince them in the end that it was the right thing to do.  I think
he blinded them with psychology - I think he felt it was better for
me to see what happened to Mommy after she died, rather than keep me
away and have my imagination run riot, conjuring up all manner of
horrors.  I remember he held my hand through the whole thing... he
never let go of me once.  He explained in simple terms what was
happening as the proceedings went along.  I think he wanted me to see
that death was no great mystery, that there's nothing to fear from
it."  
     Sarah considered for a moment.  "I don't think that the approach
that Dad used is necessarily the right one - a lot depends on the
individual child.  He thought it was the right approach for me - I'd
seen my mother get sick, and the progression of the illness.  In
Dad's mind, it was logical that I saw the end result."
     Stephanie leaned back, placing her tea cup on the table to the
side of her.  "Dad always knew what was right for us, didn't he?" 
She looked down at her hands.  When she looked up, Sarah saw their
father's large puppy dog eyes staring back at her.  "Sarah, you know
I love him, don't you?"
     "Of course, I know that."
     "Mom and I used to have long talks about him, you know." 
Stephanie smiled.  "I didn't understand Dad sometimes.  The reason
behind some of the things he'd say or do.  He was always a mystery to
me.  It's why we had our moments from time to time, I think.  But Mom
would smile and say, 'He's your father and he loves you more than
life itself.'  I love her so much, Sarah."  A tear appeared in her
eye.  "I know that you normally outlive your parents, but I'm not
ready for her to die, Sarah.  I know it sounds selfish, but I need
her."
     Sarah moved to sit next to Steph and took her hand.  "None of us
are ready for that, Steph.  We all need her, Dad most of all.  Mom
will be fine.  I know it.  She has the Scully fire in her."  Sarah
gave her sister a fond smile.  "That's something you have in you,
too.  Steph, you have to have faith... you have to believe."
     "How do you know, Sarah?  How can you be so sure?"
     Sarah thought about it for a moment.  "I guess the same way I
knew that my mother was dying before anyone really told me.  Everyone
wanted to protect me from it.  But even at six I knew it.  No, Mom
will be fine."
     "I hope so," said Stephanie, then she hugged Sarah.  "I'm so
glad you're my sister."
     Unseen by his girls, Mulder stood in the cafeteria doorway and
watched his two daughters hug.  He felt so proud of them, supporting
one another at such a difficult time.

     Before Sarah headed back for her second shift, standing in for
Josh, she called her sister.
That there was no news on their mother was obvious - Sarah would have
heard about it before then.  Her main reason for calling Steph was to
find out how their father was.  Sarah waited while her sister stepped
out into the corridor.  She didn't want Mulder to know that she was
checking up on him.
     "Do you know if Dad's eaten since lunch time?" she asked.
     "He certainly hasn't had anything while I've been here, other
than some coffee," replied Steph.
     "Well, I'm going to bring something in for him.  He can't exist
on just caffeine."  Sarah sighed.  "If only he wasn't so damned
stubborn."
     "Dad's dad, and he'll never change.  Although we've had our
moments, I wouldn't want him any other way."
     "Me neither.  Did he tell you we had words this morning?" asked
Sarah.
     "No.  What about?"
     Neither Mulder nor Scully ever revealed the details of
conversations or disagreements they might have had with one member of
the family to the others.
     "I tried to get him to come home with me, just for a couple of
hours, but he wouldn't have it."
     "You wasted your breath," sighed Stephanie.  "Rather you than
me, Sarah."
     "Tell me about it!" snorted her sister.
     "For what it's worth, I think you've done a great job in holding
us all together."
     "You think so, Steph?"  Sarah sounded doubtful.  "The last thing
I wanted to do was to argue with Dad."
     "Well, I couldn't have done it.  I'd have been quaking in my
boots.  Dad scares me a little sometimes, you know?  I know he loves
me,  but I always felt that I had a special bond with Mom - something
that was separate from my relationship with him.  Mom always made me
feel special and important when no-one else was there for me, when I
didn't feel it myself.  I could tell Mom anything, things that I
couldn't tell anyone else."  Stephanie paused.  "Sarah, I can't
imagine not having that anymore.  I know death is a part of life, but
I'm not ready to accept Mom's death.   That's why I was so upset
about the living will. I just wanted you all to know that no matter
what decision has to be made, I won't give up.  I love you all, and I
know that none of you want to make the decision either, but please
don't expect me to accept it without a fight."
     "God - Dad was right about your steely determination!" said
Sarah.
     "What?"  Stephanie sounded a note of surprise.
     "Dad said to me that you had a steely determination."
     "He did?"  Steph felt a warm glow spread through her.  "When was
this?"
     "Oh, I can't remember.  Probably when you were fighting about
something, and neither of you wanted to give in."  Sarah chuckled
softly, imagining her sister's stunned expression at the other end of
the line.  "Steph, Dad isn't the ogre you sometimes think he is.  He
loves you very much, and he's so proud of you.  He'll probably kill
me for telling you this, but when we went shopping to buy some books
for Jamie's birthday, he spotted a woman looking at your book, and he
went up to her - a complete stranger, mind you - and said, 'My
daughter wrote that book.'  Oh, Steph - you should have seen the look
on his face.  It was as if he was about to burst with pride."
     Stephanie felt tears prick her eyelids.  "I'm glad you told me
that, Sarah... and I won't tell Dad you told me.  You know, that's
all I ever wanted, for him to be proud of me."
     "Well, he is proud of you, and so is Mom, too."  Sarah glanced
at her watch.  "Oh, Lord - I'd better get a move on if I'm going to
reach you in time.  I expect you want to get home to see Ross and
Gracie.  They're coming home today, aren't they?"
     "Yeah - I can't wait to see them again."  Steph's voice was warm
and full of anticipation.  "Look, Sarah - are you sure you're up to
another stint?  You looked so tired this morning."
     "I'll be okay.  Don't you worry about me.  And don't feel that
you have to wait for me to get to the hospital - if you want to go,
then go.  I'd hate to keep you from Ross and Gracie."
     "Thanks, Sarah," said Stephanie warmly.  "I guess I'll see you
tomorrow."

End of Part Four

     

Sarah XXI: Stroke 5/5
by Carol Gritton (jimcaz@dircon.co.uk)

     Sarah settled herself in a chair next to Scully's bed, and
opened an insulated bag.
     "What's in there?" asked Mulder.
     "Soup.  You've hardly eaten anything since yesterday, Dad.  You
need to keep your strength up.  I've also brought some sandwiches,
some cake and some fresh fruit."  She placed it all in front of him
and handed him a soup spoon and a paper napkin.  "Now eat."
     "Yes, Ma'am!" He pulled a face at her.  "You know, you're
getting bossy in your old age."
     "Yeah, well - someone's got to keep you in line until Mom gets
better."  Sarah grinned at him.  "How's your soup?"
     "Delicious.  Did you make it?"
     "Uh huh.  I make a big batch and freeze it in portions.  The
boys love it.  Have you heard from Josh?"
     "He rang just before you arrived.  And Robin popped in this
afternoon - he's spoken to the neurologist, and he's going to drop by
tomorrow morning."
     "That's great, Dad."  Sarah smiled and squeezed his free hand. 
She'd thought he was looking a little more upbeat than when she
arrived.  "And how are you?  You look tired."
     "I'm fine, sweetheart.  I'd rather you worried about your mom
than me."
     "Daddy..."
     Mulder fixed her with a look.  "Enough, Sarah.  Can't a man
enjoy his soup in peace?"  Then he winked at her, a slow smile
spreading across his face.
    "You are such a pain in the ass, do you know that?"
    "So your mom is always telling me.  And another thing, I thought
I raised you better than to use language like that!"  He sounded a
note of mock horror, and his hazel eyes twinkled.  "You know, you
sound more like Scully every day."  No-one would ever think that
Sarah wasn't Scully's natural daughter.
     "I'll take that as a compliment," smiled Sarah.  "Sandwich?"

     Josh quietly opened the door to his mother's room, stepped in
and closed it again.  He noticed that more flowers and cards had
arrived since his last visit.  He took a quick look - there were
floral arrangements from Charles and Bill Scully Jnr., and cards from
friends of his mother.  Scully was lying in the bed, her position
seemingly unchanged from the last time he'd seen her.  There was no
sign of his father.  Josh sat on the edge of the bed, leaned over and
kissed Scully.
     "Hi, Mom.  How're you doing?  I guess there's no change, huh?" 
He smoothed the hair from her brow.  "I thought I'd look in..."
     Josh was interrupted by his father coming back into the room. 
Mulder was surprised to see his son there, still dressed in his tux.
     "It's after one, Josh.  What are you doing here?"
     "I wanted to drop by before I went to bed.  I felt bad not
coming in today."
     "It's okay, Josh.  Your mom would understand.  How did the
function go?"
     "Oh, you know," shrugged Josh.  "The usual round of boring, self
congratulatory speeches, and people drinking more than they should. 
How're things with you?  I hope Sarah didn't mind doing my shift too
much."
     "I'm fine, and she didn't mind.  It gave her the chance to boss
me about a little and give me a hard time."
     "That's not fair, Dad.  Sarah's worried about you - we all are. 
This is hard for her.  She's doing her best to keep us all together
through this."
     "I know, son.  I didn't mean it to sound the way it came out.  I
guess I'm just tired, and frustrated by the lack of progress."
     "Maybe the neurologist will be able to suggest something
tomorrow," offered Josh.
     "We'll see.  You should be getting home, son."
     "You'll call me if..."
     "Of course."
     "Okay."  Josh turned back to Scully.  "Night, Mom.  I'll come by
tomorrow."  He dropped a kiss on her brow.  "I love you."
     Mulder watched his son leave, then took his seat beside the bed,
reaching out for Scully's small hand.
     "You should see your son, Scully, all dressed up in his tux.  He
looks quite the young man about town."  Mulder sighed.  "I look at
him, and the girls, and it's hard to believe that they were once tiny
babies.  Time seems to have passed so quickly."  A pause.  "Scully,
there's so much I want to tell you, and I'm afraid that I might never
get the chance.  Do you remember what you said to me when my mother
had her stroke?  You told me not to give up, whatever the doctors
said...  I'm trying, Scully, but it's so hard to have faith, sitting
here day after day, not knowing what to expect."  He paused again. 
"Years ago, you told me that you had the strength of my beliefs...
that they brought you back to me.  Well, I'm praying that the
strength of your beliefs will carry me through this."
     Mulder raised her hand to his cheek.  "I love you so much,
Scully...  I'm just sorry it took me so long to realise it at the
beginning.  Remember when I proposed?  I was so scared that you would
turn me down...  I think I was more worried about that than what you
thought of my bedroom technique!"  He chuckled softly.  "I'm so glad
you made that first move, Scully.  I wanted to, but the moment never
seemed quite right.  If it had been left to me, you'd probably still
be waiting!"  He gave a wry grin.  "God... think what we would have
missed..."
     Mulder toyed with the wedding ring on Scully's finger.  "Have
you been happy, Scully?  Have I made you happy?  That's all I ever
wanted for you.  I know I haven't been the perfect husband, that
there have been times when I've said or done things that have made
you grit your teeth and bite your tongue.  I haven't always been as
supportive or understanding as I could have been... I haven't always
put your needs first."  
     He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.  "Listen to me,
Scully - rambling like the old fool that I am.  You must be fed up
with the sound of my voice, so I'll shut up and let you have some
peace and quiet."  He leaned over and kissed her on the side of her
mouth.  "I love you, Scully - now and for always."

     Mulder had dozed off, his head resting on Scully's bed.  He was
dreaming of someone touching his hair, fingers with a familiar touch.
 He came slowly out of his nap...  It wasn't a dream.  He raised his
head slightly, and the sight brought tears to his eyes.  Scully was
awake!
     "Scully!  Oh God, Scully..."  He wanted to wrap his arms around
her and hug her so hard.
     Scully reached for the breathing tube and tried to pull it out.
     "No, no... don't touch it.  I'll call for the nurse," said
Mulder, and he reached for the call button, then perched himself on
the side of the bed.  He caressed her cheek, tears running unchecked
down his face, whispering her name over and over again.
     The medical staff sent Mulder outside while they disconnected
Scully from the machinery and examined her.  He thought about calling
his children, but decided it could wait until the morning.  He didn't
want to disturb their sleep, and he wanted to spend a little time
with Scully alone.  
     After what seemed an interminable wait, he was allowed back into
her room, going immediately back to his perch on the bed.  The doctor
told him that Scully needed to take it easy, not to excite her, that
communication might be a problem until they had ascertained what, if
any, damage the stroke had done. Mulder allowed himself an inward
smile. Non verbal communication had never been a problem for them. 
Satisfied that Scully was all right, the doctor departed.
      "Scully..."  His hands roamed gently over her face, his eyes
drinking in the sight of her.
     "Mullderrr," she slurred.  It was the sweetest sound he'd ever
heard.  Scully licked her lips and swallowed, her throat dry and her
voice hoarse.
     "Wait, I'll get you some water."  Mulder poured some water into
a beaker.  It had a long straw that made it possible for the patient
to drink without moving.  Mulder held the beaker while Scully drank. 
She raised her fingers to indicate when she'd had enough.
     "Better?" asked Mulder, and she attempted a nod.  "No, Scully -
you mustn't do that.  Use your fingers.  How about I get some paper
and a pencil?  Do you want to try writing?"  Mulder dashed off to the
nurses station, returning with a notepad and pen, seating himself by
the bed.  "Do you remember what happened, Scully?"
     Scully indicated that she didn't, then pointed to the notepad. 
Mulder held it while she wrote.  One word, in shaky lettering,
adorned the page.  Steph.
     "Steph's fine.  You were supposed to collect her from the
airport, but when you didn't show, she called Sarah."  He paused and
took Scully's hand in his.  He knew she'd want to know every detail
of what had happened to her.  "They went by the house, and Steph
found you unconscious on the kitchen floor.  It was Steph's idea to
go by the house - if it hadn't been for her, you could have lain
there for hours.  The ambulance brought you here..."
     Scully pointed to the pad again, and Mulder held it as she
wrote, 'how long.'
     "You've been here three days, tomorrow will be the fourth day. 
The doctors concluded that you had suffered a stroke, caused by a
blood vessel rupturing in your brain."  The worry and strain of the
past days suddenly caught up with Mulder, and he began to cry.  He
laid his head on the bed and just wept tears of relief.  Scully laid
her hand on his head and he shook beneath it.  Gradually the tears
subsided, and Mulder composed himself once more.
     "Scully... I thought I'd lost you... we all did.  The doctors
couldn't give us any sort of prognosis.  It was a matter of taking it
day by day.  I, I've been here since they brought you in.  I couldn't
leave you, Scully."
     He gave her an embarrassed smile, knowing that if she were well,
she would tear him off a strip.  All Scully could do was squeeze his
hand as best she could, letting him know that she understood.

     There were tears of joy as Mulder called each of his children
with the news that Scully was conscious.  All of them wanted to rush
down to the hospital immediately to see their mother, but Mulder
explained that she would be going for tests first thing to assess the
amount of damage to her brain, and how it had affected her.  It was
agreed that they would visit late morning.  In addition, Mulder had
asked Sarah to bring in some of Scully's personal things, including a
couple of her own nightgowns.  The hospital gown she was wearing was
most unflattering.
    Scully managed a little breakfast before being taken off for her
assessment.  Mulder used the time to freshen up and take a walk
outside for some air.  He had a spring in his step, and the feeling
of a great weight having been lifted from his shoulders.  Mulder
wasn't religious, but he was tempted to offer up a prayer for
Scully's recovery.  She wasn't out of the woods yet, not by a long
chalk.  The doctor had explained that recovery would be slow, with
the first month being critical.  It was the time of most improvement,
but also the time when there was the most chance of death.

     Sarah, Steph and Josh all arrived together.  There were more
tears, and hugs and kisses, both for Scully and their father, then a
clamour of noise as they all tried to speak at once.
     "One at a time!" begged Mulder.  "Your mom needs rest and
quiet."
     "You'd better shut up, then, Dad!" grinned Josh.  "I expect
that's why Mom came round, she couldn't bear to listen to us all
droning on anymore."
     "Speak for yourself, Josh," said Steph, a wide smile splitting
her face.  "You're enough to drive anyone insane!"
     "Well, I got that skill from Dad."  Josh's open face wore
another grin.
     "Hey!" cried his father indignantly.
     "Are you sure you want to come back to this, Mom?" asked Sarah,
with a chuckle.  She cupped Scully's cheek, kissed her and said
softly, "It's so good to have you back."

     The three Mulder offspring returned in the evening.  Scully was
propped up in bed, looking most becoming in one of her own
nightgowns.  Her hair had been washed and brushed, and she looked a
little better than she had that morning.  She and Mulder had spent
the rest of day quietly together, Mulder making plans for when she
came home.  He was being a little premature - the hospital hadn't
actually said when they would be releasing Scully, but he felt he had
to be doing something positive.
     He related the results of tests Scully had had that morning. 
There was some weakness on the left side, but that could be helped by
some gentle physiotherapy.  She also had some minor speech problems,
but they would improve as her recovery progressed.  
     "We should be thankful for small mercies," said Mulder.  "It
could have been so much worse."
    "Can you rest now, Dad?" asked Sarah.  She knew her father was in
desperate need of some much needed rest and sleep himself.
    "No.  There's..."
     "Dad..."  Sarah turned to only person she knew Mulder would
listen to.  "Mom, please tell Dad that he needs to rest."
     Scully looked at him, her blue eyes skewering him in the way
that only she could.  "Mulder... rest."
     "That's not fair, Sarah.  That's emotional blackmail."
     "You can call it what you like, just as long as you do what Mom
says," answered Sarah.  Mulder gave his eldest child a long look. 
When had she become the parent and he the child?
     "You and I aren't finished, young lady," he replied, in a mock
warning tone.  He knew he'd have to give in at some point, or he'd
have the combined wrath of his family on his head.
     "Whatever you say, Dad."  Sarah gave him a sweet smile.

     Mulder and Sarah stepped out to give Steph and Josh a little
time with Scully, and took themselves off to the cafeteria.
     "Come home with me, Dad," entreated Sarah.  "The boys would love
to see their Papa."
     It was a great temptation to see his grandsons - he hadn't seen
them for a while, what with one thing and another and he missed them.
     "No, thank you.  I want to be at home.  I want to be among
Scully's things..."
     "Well, I'll come and stay with you..."  Sarah didn't want to
think of her father alone in the family home.
     "You have your own family now, Sarah.  Your place is with them."
     "You're also my family, Dad, and I want to be with you.  You
were always there for me at the beginning - now it's my turn to be
there for you.  I'm not going to take no for an answer.  You'll have
to physically remove me!"
     "Don't think I won't, either!" replied Mulder, waving a long
finger at her.  She was as stubborn as he was, but he knew when he
was beaten.

     Scully continued to make a little more progress every day. 
Mulder, at long last, was going home every night to his own bed - not
that he slept much without his wife beside him.  Most mornings he was
up before it was light, and at the hospital around nine.
     "Do you recall anything from when you were in the coma, Scully?"
asked Mulder.  "We all took it in turns to read to you, and listen to
music with you, hoping to stimulate you, hoping that you'd recognise
something familiar."
     "Voices," answered Scully.
     "We all talked to you, Scully.  Do you remember any of that?"
      Scully nodded, then said, "Steph... baby."
     "You mean Gracie?  She went to Dallas with Ross while Steph was
at..."
     He stopped.  Scully was shaking her head and frowning, desperate
to express herself so that Mulder could understand her.  A thought
suddenly occurred.  Scully smiled and patted her stomach.  Mulder
looked at her, mystified - and then it dawned on him.
     "Steph's having a baby?" he asked.  "She told you that... and
you remembered?"  He was astounded.  
     Scully was nodding and smiling.
     "Well, I'll be... she never said a word to the rest of us.  Does
Ross know?"
     "Don't know.  Only four weeks..."
     "She's four weeks along?"  Mulder had always been good at making
intuitive leaps.
     Scully nodded again.  She revelled in his expression.  He was
thrilled at the thought of another grandchild.  She'd leave it to
Steph to tell him that it might be twins.

     Mulder didn't have long to wait.  Sarah, Steph and Josh turned
up early in the evening.  Now that Scully was out of the coma, they'd
been able to resume something of a normal life, except for Sarah, who
was still staying with her father in the family home.  Greetings over
and done with, Mulder slipped his arm around Stephanie's shoulders. 
She looked radiant, just the way she had when she'd been pregnant
with Gracie.
     "Is there something you should be telling us, sweetheart?" asked
Mulder.  His eyes twinkled as he looked down at his middle child, and
he gave her a squeeze.
     "What's that, Daddy?"  Steph smiled up at the father she loved
with all her heart.  He loved it when she called him 'daddy.'
     "Your mom tells me that we'll soon be hearing the patter of tiny
feet again in the Jacobs' home."
     Stephanie looked at her mother in astonishment, while Sarah and
Josh looked at Steph, waiting to hear if it was true.
     "Well, come on, Steph - don't keep us in suspense!" said Josh.
     Steph blushed a delicate shade of pink.  "Yes, I'm pregnant.  I
only found out before I went to Houston, and I told Mom while she was
in the coma.  I hadn't told Ross at that time, and I wanted to tell
him before I went public."
     "Does he know now?" asked Sarah, and Steph nodded.  Sarah
reached out and squeezed her sister's hand.  "Congratulations, Steph.
 Ross must be thrilled.  I know how much he loves kids."
     "He is thrilled, especially when I told him it might be twins!" 
     "Twins!" squawked Mulder.  "Scully didn't tell me that!"
     "Surprise," smiled Scully.
     "You're damn right about that!" chuckled Josh. 
"Congratulations, sis."  He reached out and she slipped from her
father's arms into her brother's, receiving a hug.  Mulder looked at
his son, as if to ask, "Are you okay with the news?" in view of what
Josh had told him about Fiona.  Josh sent back a reassuring nod and a
smile.  The silent communication wasn't lost on Scully - she'd get to
the bottom of it as soon as she could.

     Mulder wheeled Scully out into the warm autumn sunshine -
something he thought she'd never see again.  Today he was taking her
home.  Josh was waiting with the car, and he helped his father settle
Scully in the back seat.
     "The doctor says you have to rest," said Mulder.  "And I'm going
to make sure that you do.  From now on, I'm going to take extra
special care of you."
     Scully rolled her eyes at the prospect of Mulder fussing around
her every minute of the day.  How could she tell him, without hurting
his feelings, that she didn't want to be wrapped in cotton wool and
mollycoddled?  Then again, they had a maid come in to do the
cleaning, and Mulder was a decent cook... maybe it might be nice to
be the one being looked after for a change.  
     Scully settled back for the ride home.  Mulder sat beside her,
his arm through hers, his hand  wrapped around hers, his thumb
unconsciously stroking the back of it.  He didn't let go for the
entire journey.
     Josh pulled into his parents drive, without his customary
screech of tyres.  His father had given him strict instructions to
take it easy with Scully on board.  He opened the rear passenger
door, and helped Scully out, then she took his arm and stood for a
moment, just looking at the house, familiarising herself again with
its appearance.
     "You ready, Mom?" asked Josh, and Scully nodded.  Mother and son
walked slowly to the house, with Mulder bringing up the rear.  Scully
felt glad to be out of the hospital, glad to be free of the confines
of her room.  She felt sure her recovery would be all that sooner in
the surroundings of her own home, amongst the people and things that
she loved.
     Mulder opened the door, and followed Josh and Scully through. 
Josh helped her to remove her jacket, then they made their way
towards the living room.  Mulder pushed the door open, and Scully
stopped on the threshold.  There in front of her, were the rest of
her family.  Sarah and Robin, with Ben and Jamie, Stephanie and Ross,
with little Gracie, and Fiona.  Josh left his mother to stand at
Fiona's side.
     "They wanted to welcome you home, Scully," said Mulder softly. 
He took her arm, threading it through his, then led her into the
room.  It was filled with flowers, and Scully was overcome.  Mulder
took her to the sofa, and sat her down, making sure that she was
comfortable.  Immediately, the grandchildren ran to her, kissing her
and hugging her.
     From out of nowhere, Josh produced champagne, handing out
glasses to everyone.  He made a little speech, then they drank to
Scully's health.  As she sat there and looked at each face one by
one, it suddenly hit Scully how close she had come to losing all
this.  There'd be no more family Thanksgiving dinners, no more family
Christmases.  She'd never see Jamie, Ben and Gracie grow, she'd never
see Steph's baby come into the world.  There'd be no more Mulder.
     Mulder.  The man who loved her through thick and thin, through
the good times and the bad, who never gave up, whatever obstacles
were thrown in his way, however dire the outlook.  He had always been
there when it mattered, maintaining his endless vigil.  No, he hadn't
been the perfect husband, but Scully didn't want perfect.  She wanted
Mulder, with all his imperfections, those niggling little traits that
made him who he was.
     Scully closed her eyes momentarily.  The thought that she might
never have seen him or her family again was too much to bear.
     "You okay, Scully?" asked Mulder, leaning down.  He wondered if
it was all a bit too overwhelming for her so soon after being allowed
home.  Perhaps they should have waited and done this another time.
     Scully nodded, and raised her champagne flute.  "Toast." 
     Mulder topped up everyone's glass, then asked for hush.   "Your
mom wants to propose a toast."
    Everyone's eyes turned to her.  She looked so frail, so lost in
the expanse of the overstuffed sofa.
     Scully raised her glass.  It would be a double toast, to give
thanks for her second chance of life, and for the life that was
growing inside Stephanie.
     "To new life."
     "New life," came the response.
     Scully smiled.  She was amongst those she loved, and who loved
her.  There was no better place to be.  

The End