From: agent_fox_mulder@spookie.co.uk Date: Fri, 2 Jun 2000 06:49:29 +0100 (GMT+01:00) Subject: NEW: Scully's Diary by Mary Sue Whipple (1/1) Source: direct Title: Scully's Diary (1/1) Author: Mary Sue Whipple E-Mail address: agent_fox_mulder@spookie.co.uk Rating: G Category: S, A Spoilers: None Keywords: Character dies, Scully POV, song fic Archiving: Go ahead, make my day! Summary: Something really really sad happens to Scully, and its so sad that you'll cry buckets and you mite even get nightmares so you better get a hole box of tissues out ready coz you'll need them!!! This story is the sequel to _Mulder's_Diary_ so you better read that one first if you haven't already!!!!!! Disclaimer: This story is heaps better than what Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox put on television so I should sue THEM for righting such boring alien stuff when all we want to see is Fox and Dana KISSING!!! YAY!! Author's notes: Send me loads of FEEDBACK or I like mite not ever right anymore stories EVER and then you'll never find out how this series ends!!! Feedback is the only payment we serios fan fict righters get you no!!!. And come and see my kewl WEBSITE and read all my other totally great stories! http://circle.greyware.com/people/Thyme/marysuewhipple!.htp and sign my GUESTBOOK TO!! This story is dedicated to the Backstreet Boys coz they inspire me so MUCH!!::HUGS:: And don't forget to VOTE FOR ME in the Spocky Awards!!!!!! YAY!! Mulder and Scully 4EVER!! SCULLY'S DIARY I'd go anywhere for you Anywhere you asked me to I'd do anything for you Anything you want me to Your love as far as I can see Is all I'm ever gonna need There's one thing for sure I know it's true (I know it's true) Baby, I'd go anywhere for you - Backstreet Boys My Dearest Diary, Its so hard for me to right this right now because I'm crying so hard that my delicate hands are shaking and I can bearly see the page through the tears that drip from the thick, lusterous lashes of my emerald green eyes. If your pages get all soggy then that's why. I suppose I better start at the start of my heartbreaking tale so that it will make more sence... As you know, Diary, my boss and former Marine Assistant Director Walter Skinner phoned me on the telephone last nite after work and told me that he'd found some strange emale in the trashcan in the computer that belonged to my slim, dark haired partner and best friend FBI Agent Fox Mulder. The balding, bespectacled older man was obviosly concerned for the young agent's wellfair so he asked me to check up on him to see if he was alright so I did but he wasn't OK because he was dead. As a doctor and a scientist, as well as a beautiful septic, it didn't take me very long to figure out that the cause of death was a single solitary gun shot wound to the temple of his head caused by his own hands. I took his gun and his diary that he had been righting in because I thought they could be clues as to why my tall, handsome colleague who had had every thing to live for had suicided and then I came home and read his diary and I haven't stopped sobbing since... Ooh wait a minute. My most favorite song in the whole wide world just came on the radio, so I'm going to turn it up real loud because its the bomb. Its called "If I Let You Go" and its by Westlife and its pretty cool. OK back to my diary entry and my tissues... Day after day Time pass away And I just can't get you off my mind Already its been a whole two and a half hours since I left the bloody corpse of the man I had worked with for seven years, and still after all this time I just can't stop thinking about him. I see his face in my minds eyes when I close my real eyes to blink, and I think I always will forever. I wish I knew why he haunted me so... Nobody knows, i hide it inside Oh my god that is so true because I never let my reel emotions show because I'm a strong, independant, professional, no nonsense professional FBI Agent. I hide my sensual soft womanly side all the time behind my dark business suits and the only hint to my true internal feminine nature can be scene in my softly parted, carefully rouged, puffy lips and the sexy high heels I sometimes allow my self to where under my tailored pants... I keep on searching but i can't find The courage to show to letting you know I've never felt so much love before Holy cow its like the song is looking right into the very bottom of the depths of my heart and soul. Only now do I see that I was in love with Fox Mulder for all these years and I never even new it until now! Gosh! Its so ironic isn't it. Now I'm even sadder than ever and my alabaster fingers tremble so as they reach for another hanky to mop the fresh tears that flood my glisteny eyes and pour in torrents down the fine contours of my delicate pale nose. What oh what is to become of me??... and once again i'm thinking about taking the easy way out Oh Diary how very easy it would be to follow my dead love into the vast mysterys of the great beyond. But no, for I am a catholick and did god himself not say that thou shalt not kill thyself? Quickly I take Special Agent Fox Mulders gun and hide it under my purse so the site of it can't tempt me into doing what I'm not allowed to do. To take my mind of the forbidden thoughts I sing along with the chorus, my voice cracking with sad emotions and feelings... But if i let you go I will never know What my life would be Holding you close to me Will I ever see You smiling back at me How will I know If i let you go I am totally, completely, and utterly desolate with an emptiness inside me so big that it almost feels huge. I will never get to hold my lithe partner in my porcelain arms and see his smiling face smile at me with love, nor feel him gently brush my flaming red tresses off my dewy brow after passionately celebrating our love on a lazy Sunday morning after Mass, his gold wedding ring proudly flashing in the sun pouring through our bedroom window, the one left open a crack so that we can listen to the exited shouts of our beautiful, angelic faced children playing happily with Queequeeg on our lush verdant lawn... Night after night I hear myself say Why can't this feeling just fade away If only they would, but I know only to well that these upsetting feelings will be with me as long as my broken heart beats under my aching sternum beneath my lonely breasts held perkily captive within my virginal, lacy bra. There's no one like you To sleep in my arms It's just a shame, we're worlds apart Its so hard to think of imagining how I'm going to go on down here on Earth while he's lying cold in his grave and we're seperated by the Valley of Death. He can't answer his cellphone in Heaven, no matter how many times I try to call him. Slowly I draw his gun, the only link I have with him now, from beneath it's hiding place beneath my purse... I'm too tired to ask I'm too tired to lose But sooner or later, I've gotta choose My tears are raining down like rain as I caress the deceased agents weapon in my frail hands and try to remember how his strong tanned fingers looked when they used to grip the very same gun tightly in there grip. I can almost see how it was in his last seconds when he realized that he couldn't go on loveless and alone and had lifted the heavy piece of wood and metal to his temples in his final desperate act and pulled the trigger... And once again I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out O yes, dear Diary, I finally understand why my foxy Fox did what he did, but it doesn't make the agony or the pain any easier to bare. As I listen to the chorus of my favorite song this one last time I find that I can forgive him now, and I say a silent prayer that my family will one day forgive me... once again I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out ::sob!:: ***BANG!!!!!!*** ***thud*** (Don't forget to send me lots of feedback after you've recovered from the shock ending!!! ::HUGS::)