From ashke@unforgettable.com Tue May 27 14:58:55 1997 Subject: New: Scully's Lament (1/1) by T. Horne From: "Teresa D. Horne" -------- Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Walter Skinner are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Broadcasting. "Herald's Lament" and "Heralds, Harpers, and "Havoc" are the property of Mercedes Lackey, DAW books, and Firebird Books and Music Rating: PG Classification: VA (ScullyAngst) Spoilers: Gethsemane Summary: Character dies. While on the way to "debunk" her partner's work of four years, Scully thinks about Mulder and how much he meant to her. No romance, really... just angst. Please send feedback to me at ashke@unforgettable.com Scully's Lament By: Teresa Horne (ashke@unforgettable.com) ***** Her footsteps echoed hollowly on the floors of the J. Edgar Hoover building. She had been made to believe the lie, and her partner was dead because of it. She was holding on to her control by a slender thread. She would have given anything to be outside. Outside where she could tilt her head heaven-ward and scream to the uncaring gray sky. She wanted to demand an explaination from the God she had lost faith in. Why had her partner shot himself? Dead... Her mind was still in denial. Mulder was the immortal truth-chaser. He couldn't be dead. It had to be a mistake... But she had seen his body with her own eyes. She stopped in the hallway and leaned against one of the walls, trying to get contol over her emotions once again. She would have to be completely in control when she faced them, and nothing less. She was still a woman in the FBI, and was allowed no weaknesses. The temptation was there to run. She wanted to turn on her heel and run far away from the comittee she would have to face today, and leave everything behind but Mulder's memory. That was a memory that she would never be able to leave behind, not after nearly five years of close partnership. Unbidden, the words from a song ran through her head. It wasn't a popular song, nor would it ever be. One of her friends had given her a tape called "Heralds, Harpers, and Havoc" a long time ago, and she enjoyed listening to it every so often, but one of the songs had tugged at her heartstings then, because the singer was so anguished over what she was saying, and she found truth in that song now. << A hand to wait along the road a laugh to lighten any load a place to bring a burdened heart and heal the ache of sorrows dart who'd willing share in joy or tears and help to ease the darkest fears o've my soul like his own defend and all because he was my friend >> Despite all the times he had ditched her, it had been for her safety, or so he claimed. He didn't want her getting totally wrapped up in his quest -- his cause -- because he feared that she was never come out of that abyss again. He did that because he cared for her and was her friend. He often cracked jokes, and she had to suppress the urge to laugh at them. He was often there for her when she needed him, especially here lately. A thought of how he had held her so tenderly in the hallway of an Allentown hospital came to mind and she smiled. After that, she often feared that she was going to die, and he helped calm her fears, if only by making her smile. He would have done anything to protect her -- to defend her from the people who wanted to separate them time and again. He would have given anything to have the cancer and her abduction two years ago not be true. He did everything he could to make sure she was all right... just because she was his friend. He would trust no other except her. Dana Scully managed a shaky smile. If there was one thing in this life she never regretted, it was getting close enough to Fox Mulder for him to consider her his friend. << no grave could hold so free a soul I see him in the frisking foal I hear him laughing on the breeze that stirs the very tops of trees he soars with falcons on the wing he is the song that nightbirds sing death never dared him captive keep he lies not there >> She closed her eyes for a moment. Death had not kept him before, when they had gone after him while he was searching for answers in that boxcar, and even now, she sensed him near her. It sounded sappy, but it was true. Their lives were so closely interwined that they could feel each other's prescence even when they weren't present. That was part of the reason she had problems believing that he was dead. They weren't finished yet. Nothing, not even death, could stop Fox Mulder when he had a purpose. He was a law upon himself. He would never allow himself to be controlled. Maybe that was why he had killed himself. Because he had been told that he had been manipulated all of his life, she mused, struggling to understand. From the time when he was twelve onward, he had been manipulated. But she couldn't believe that. Mulder wouldn't just go out like that -- he'd go out like the old fashioned hero of the west, guns a-blazing. Unless, she thought with a smile, he lost his gun again, of course. << he does not sleep but there is silence at my side that haunts the place he used to ride and my companion can't alay the loss that I sustained this day >> She mused, Mulder never slept, especially after she was abducted. The nightmares haunted his sleep, and would never release him. He was haunted by day by the ridicule he had to face from other agents because of his relentless quest, and by night, he was haunted by faces of the past. The past that would never release him. The silence of the basement office wracked her nerves. It wasn't the same without the sound of that slide projector tossing shots of their latest cases on the darkened screen. She sighed. Skinner had tried to console her when he found out about Mulder's demise, but it did nothing for her. She was floating, drifting slowly toward her own point of no return, and no words of consolement could help her. << how bleak the future now has grown since I must face it all alone my road is dreary, dark, and steep and it is for myself I weep >> She stood up, wiping the few tears away. The road they had walked together for nearly five years now was hers to walk alone. When she continued down the hall, her eyes dry, she was determined to go in that room and face the enemy with the most stolic expression. she said to herself, determined as she walked through that door, ***** The End