From: Laura Castellano Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2000 13:14:37 GMT Subject: REV: Very Short Fic About Scully's Theory of Size VERY SHORT FIC ABOUT SCULLY'S THEORY OF SIZE by Laura Castellano lauritaC@excite.com http://members.xoom.com/lauracastell Rating: NC-17 for subject matter, but no sex Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, never will be Archive: Sure, g'head Author's note: Please, pickup truck drivers, don't hate me. I love pickups. Love them. I mean, I live in Texas, so it's like a law here that everyone has to have a truck. This theory was actually created by my husband, and I was laughing so hard at it that I almost fell out of the (very small) Nissan truck he drives. No disrespect is intended toward pickup truck owners, drivers, or manufacturers. No pickup trucks were harmed in the creation of this story. Pickup trucks rule. Honest. ---------- VERY SHORT FIC ABOUT SCULLY'S THEORY OF SIZE by Laura Castellano "Damn, I hate pickup trucks," Scully muttered, glaring with irritation at the shirtless redneck driving the enormous specimen next to them. Mulder had stopped at a red light, and had been filling her in on their latest case when the monster vehicle, making an incredible noise, ended their conversation. "I thought women liked pickups," Mulder yelled at her, and she grimaced. "I have a theory about pickups and penis size. Want to hear it?" He stared, amazed at her use of the word 'penis' in a non-medical context, and she took his surprise as assent. "See that 'F-350'? she asked, pointing to the model number of the truck in question. Mulder nodded. "Ok, listen carefully, because there's a mathematical formula involved. The 'F' stands for 'four.' The hyphen is really a minus sign. You divide the number '350' by one hundred, giving you three point five. Four minus three point five is the length of the guy's penis. Fully erect." "What about other models of pickup trucks, Scully?" he asked, choking back his laughter. "The Dodge Ram, for instance?" She snorted. "Ram?" "Okay...how about a Chevy?" She rolled her eyes. "Like a rock, Mulder. For guys who can't get it up." The light changed, and the truck roared past them with a noise so loud Scully covered her ears. "Bastard," she muttered. "So let me get this straight," Mulder mused as he turned the corner. "Your theory is that penis size is inversely proportional to vehicle size?" "Exactly." "What about those great big Suburban type--" "Tiny ones." She took a swig of her water, and Mulder gave her a sidelong glance, wondering briefly if it had been spiked. And was suddenly happy that he drove a very small car. END