From: "Pivec" <piv@bitstream.net>
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 2003 12:49:21 -0600
Subject: Sea Change
Source: direct

I have noticed that the Xfiles frequently took leaps while we weren't
watching.  Sometimes these missing links were the most interesting and
dramatic developments of all.  In season 6, we witnessed a distance and
a coldness develope between our heroes, thanks largely to the existance
of Diana Fowley.  Particularly after the debacle of Two Fathers/One Son,
Scully seems determined to keep Mulder at a professional distance,
despite the closeness they'd shared over the past five years, and the
pouring out of Mulder's heart in the movie and previous episodes.
Scully's emotional damburst at the end of Milagro signaled the end of
this coldness.  But it meant more than that.  Milagro(miracle) was about
a man trying to steal true love. The next time we see our two favorites,
in the Unnatural, they can't keep their hands off each other.  Clearly,
a sea change has occured, but we only caught a glimpse of the beginning.
 In my fiction, I try to fill in some of these gaps.  My intent is to
try to create a scene within the parameters of the show.  I want to
portray Mulder and Scully the way they are, not the way I might prefer
them to be.  I try to speak with their voices, not make them speak
with mine.

This is a continuation of the last scene of Milagro, with spoilers for
lots of other eps as well.


Sea Change
by MLP

The force of her emotions scared him but despite her shocking
appearance, she seemed to be unhurt. He closed his eyes and held her,
profoundly grateful that she was letting him comfort her.  Despite the
countless times that he had turned to her for this, he couldn't remember
a single instance when she had reached for him.  After her non-reaction
to his declarations over the last few months, he had ceased to hope that
she ever would.  In fact, she had been distancing herself from him,
uncomfortable in his presence as never before, and shrugging him off as
if his touch had become repugnant to her.

But this time she had reached for him.  In fact, she was clinging to him
as though she were afraid that he would disappear without a trace,
taking her sanity with him.

What the hell had happened?

He held her close, his own heart in his throat as she cried.  He'd never
seen her like this.  Even after Pfaster, her tears had had to be coaxed
out of her and her body had not been wracked with sobs as it was now. 
Then, she'd merely allowed him to hold her as she cried into his coat. 
This was entirely different.  He tightened his grip on her, closed his
eyes and threw up a prayer of thanks to whoever might be listening.

His heart had dropped to his toes when he had burst through the door to
see her as still as death on the floor.  He had been unable to draw a
breath as he approached her bloody form and the relief, when she had
opened her eyes and reached for him, had hit him so hard he almost
passed out.  He had no idea how he managed to get his arms around her
and lift her off the floor.  He stretched his legs out, pulled her into
his lap and leaned against the wall, prepared to hold her all night if
that's what she needed.  He said nothing, but stroked her hair, held her
tight, and let her cry.

Finally, she lay quiet in his arms.  When she spoke, he had to strain to
hear what she murmured into his collarbone.
"I've missed you."  she breathed.
"I'm right here."
"I know." Her voice was stronger.  "I'm so sorry."
"Scully?" This was too confusing.
"I've been so angry with you," she said, "and it wasn't your fault.  I
never should've blamed you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I know."  He could feel her smile against him.  "I just wanted you to
know that I'm sorry and I won't do it anymore."
"Scully, you've never done anything you have to be sorry for."
That got a chuckle out of her, but when she spoke, her voice sounded
sad. "I wish that were true.  Anyway, it's not your fault if I go and do
something sutpid, Mulder."
"Now you're scaring me." He smiled into her hair.
"I'm okay," she sighed.  "You can let go of me now."
"Aw, Scully," now his own voice was wistful, "I don't want to."
"What do you mean?"
"You never let me do this."
Oops.

She stiffened in his arms, but didn't let go of him.  He wondered
briefly if he'd made a mistake, but decided he had nothing left to lose.
"I didn't know you wanted to." She finally answered.
"I told you."  He couldn't seem to shut his mouth.
"When?"
"Bermuda."
At that, she lifted her head and looked him in the eye, so that he saw
the exact moment when she realized what he was talking about.  Her eyes
grew huge and dark and her brows snapped together, but still, she didn't
pull away.  "Mulder, you were high."
"Doesn't change the truth."  Their faces inches apart, they stared at
one another for a few moments and she could see that he was simply
telling the truth, as he knew it.  
"Oh, Mulder." She laid her head back on his chest.  "You've been making
comments like that to me for years, how was I supposed to know that you
were serious that time?"
"I was serious every time."  He couldn't believe he was finally telling
her this, but as long as she remained on his lap, wrapped in his arms,
he could keep talking forever.
"Since when?" the skeptical doctor demanded.
"I don't know, really.  I mean, I know when I realized it, but looking
back, I think it had been true for some time."
"Tell me." she whispered.
"I stopped denying it when your cancer was diagnosed..."
"Two years ago!"
"...but now I know that I had it just as bad when Duane Barry took you. 
I lost my mind then, Scully."
"Five years ago?"
"The truth is, I'm pretty sure you had me when you burst out laughing in
the pouring rain in that cemetery in Bellefluer.  I know you had me when
I stumbled out of Ellen's Air Base and saw you standing, like a knight
in shining armor, gun drawn, there to rescue me from the NSA."
"That was our second--our first case!"
"I know.  It may have been when you used logistics to explain why you
didn't believe in extraterrestrials the day we met."
"You never said anything!"
"I did too!  Weren't you even listening to me out in the hallway right
before that fucking bee stung you?"
"I thought...right afterwards you were so angry with me and then you
went off with Agent Fowley...the gunmen told me about you two.  I
felt...unnecessary."
"Oh, Scully."  He pressed his lips against her hair.  "Do you want to
know why I never told you about Diana?"  She nodded. "Because she hasn't
crossed my mind in eight years.  Not once."
"But you took her side against me despite all the evidence that I showed
you..."
"Scully," he took her chin and tilted her face up to his. "I don't have
a lot of friends.  I need more than circumstantial evidence and
someone's gut feeling- even yours- before I'd turn on any one of them." 
She dropped her head back onto his shoulder to hide her shame.  "I did
listen to you," he continued. "After I left the gunmen's, I went to her
place.  I broke in and ransacked it, looking for anything to back up
your suspicions."  Her head snapped up and she looked him in the eye. 
"I didn't find anything.  I waited for her to come home and I confronted
her.  That's why I was with her when you called me to help you rescue
Cassandra Spender."

Scully's mouth dropped open when she realized the depth of the
misunderstanding between them and the unnecessary pain they had caused
each other.
"I thought you were with her because that's where you wanted to be.  I
thought...You said that I shouldn't let it get personal."
"I meant that Diana had nothing to do with you and me."
"But it was personal.  I was trying to protect myself."
"My job is to protect you.  Your job is to protect me."
"Are we talking personally or professionally?"
"Both.  I can't do either one without you.  Without you, there is no
me."

She pressed her face into his neck again and he felt fresh tears slip
from beneath her lids.  "Oh, Scully, don't cry.  You're not hurt. 
You're okay. We're okay."
"Mulder, it's not Padgett!" she exclaimed, lifting her head.  "It was
someone else.  I saw him!"
"You saw Nasiamente, Scully.  It is Padgett.  He told me what would
happen and then it did.  I don't know how, but it is Padgett.  I don't
think he wanted to hurt you, though.  When I caught up to him, he was
burning the book.  He'd rather destroy it than hurt you.  In his own
demented way, I think he really does love you.  Or wants to, anyway. 
When I first suspected him, I thought he was just a creep, but after I
read his book...I was..."
"What?"
"I read the part about the two of you.  I was so jealous I wanted to
puke."
"Oh, Mulder.  There is nothing he could ever say or write that could
make me fall in love with him."
"I know.  He said so.  He said he misjudged you."
"He did.  His mistake was that while he studied me, he ignored you, and
without you, there is no me."
"I suppose we'd better go arrest him."
"For what?  Lethal fiction? 'Stop me before I write again!'?" she
started to laugh and he joined in.  It felt so good to be able to laught
together again.  They sat on the floor in a happy daze, trying to
assimilate the odd turn this stakeout had taken.  The heavy cloud of
distrust and dread that had hung over them for months had dissipated,
leaving them both a little giddy. The last time Mulder had felt like
this, he'd been lying in a hospital bed in Bermuda.  He grinned,
remembering exactly why he'd felt so happy then.
"I love you, Scully." He repeated those hospital words.
"Are you gonna spend the rest of the night making wild passionate love
to me?" she teased.
 
His heart pounded in his chest as a thousand possibilities flooded his
fertile imagination, but when he opened his mouth the word that popped
out was "No."
"No?" She looked up at him as though he'd lost his mind.
"No." He repeated firmly. "When I make love to you-- and I am going to
make love to you-- it's not going to be because some fictional psycho
back from the dead tried to rip your heart out.  It's not going to be
because I've rescued you from a frozen horror at the bottom of the
world, or because you're dying of cancer.  And it sure as hell won't be
because some shape shifting loser sweet talked you into it.  When I make
love to you-- and it will be wild and passionate-- it will only be
because you can't stand one more day on this planet without me inside of
you."  His voice had dropped to a low, sexy murmur and she found that
she could barely breathe.  To cover her emotional response to this
speech, she couldn't resist looking at him in mock dismay and saying
"It's never going to happen, is it?"
"It is going to happen."  He'd never believed in anything so strongly.
"If this were one of Padgett's books, we'd do it right here on the
floor."
"We've never done anything by the book, Scully, and I'll be damned if
I'm going to start with one of his!  We'll do this on our terms.  On
your terms.  I've had years to get used to the fact that I'm in love
with you.  I don't ever want to wonder if traumatic events pushed you
into doing something you don't really want as badly as I do."

She felt a rush of tenderness for him, knowing he had literally placed
his heart in her hands.  He was right.  She'd been surpressing her
feelings for him for so long that it would take some time for her to
pull them into the light and be identified.  she owed it to him to give
the situation the serious consideration it deserved.  She didn't want
him to wonder if she were simply reacting to the horrors of their
profession.  If this were going to happen, they'd have to proceed
carefully.  It was much too important to catapult themselves into.  Slow
and steady had gotten them this far, and that is how they would move
forward.
"Okay." She whispered, secure in the knowledge that he would wait for
her, and that she would catch up to him.  Soon.