From: KaliMagick@aol.com
Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2005 16:36:19 EST
Subject: Second Chance by Cyndi K.
Source: direct

Title: Second Chance
Author: Cyndi K.
Rating: PG 
Classification: S,A, MSR
Keywords: MSR
Spoilers: Through season five
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just borrowing them for a minute. Don't 
sue me, there's nothing to have. 
Summary: After Scully's remission, Mulder takes it upon himself 
to make a decision about her life for her. When she reacts in a 
way he doesn't expect, can Mulder salvage his friendship and 
partnership?
Feedback: Adored. KaliMagick@aol.com
Author's note: This piece was written over about two hours, for 
a friend who was bored and wanted something to read. It takes 
place after Scully is in remission, but before she finds out 
about her inability to bear children. 
 
SECOND CHANCE

I don't know what I was thinking, honestly. I do that sometimes, 
act before I think. Or sometimes I'll think something through 
using what, at the time, seems like a perfectly reasonable train 
of thought, only to realize later how incredibly stupid that train 
of thought actually was. That's what happened this time.

Poor Scully tries to figure out how my mind works all the time, 
but she never really will. Even I don't know how it works most 
of the time. Or how it doesn't work, as the case may be. 

Scully probably thinks my head was up my ass after the stunt I 
pulled today. I had thought it through so carefully. I've been 
thinking it though for weeks, actually, trying to find the perfect 
moment to play it all out. It had to be between cases, when nothing 
intense was happening in either of our lives, or I knew she wouldn't 
take it seriously. 

Since Scully's remission I've thought a lot about her role in the 
X-Files, and about the things she's lost to my quest. She lost her 
sister, she lost a period of time she'll never get back , and she 
almost lost her life countless times. That is a risk all agents take, 
but the risks increase greatly if you make your home in the basement 
of the FBI building. I began to see Scully's remission as a second 
chance for her, an opportunity to remake her life in a way that would 
make her happy, and I wanted her to take full advantage of it. That 
is why, when things were calm, I requested that she be transferred 
off the X-Files.

It's not that I don't love working with Scully. It's that I do. I 
love having her there, being able to count on her as my touchstone. 
Frankly, she keeps me sane. I don't think I could keep going without 
her. So I chose to try and protect her. Bad choice.

I thought when I told her that she would be hurt. I was wrong. No, 
Scully wasn't hurt; she was absolutely livid. She yelled at first. 
She even threw a case file at my head. That part I could stand. I 
just stood there like a jackass and let her rant, feeling perfectly 
justified in my actions. Then she asked the question I had hoped 
she'd forget to ask. 

"Why?" she asked, slowing down and staring up at me with the hard 
eyes she usually reserved for suspects.

"Scully," I started, putting my hands on her shoulders. "I've put a 
lot of thought into this. I told you once that I needed you with me 
on this, and I still do. That is why I'm doing this. I think we'll be 
stronger apart. How many times have we both come so close to death? 
This way, at least one of us will be safe, able to expose the truth 
if anything should happen." Her eyes turned colder than I've ever 
seen, and I suddenly began to doubt my decision. 

"You're trying to protect me," she said calmly, her voice even and 
neutral. I nodded enthusiastically, excited she finally understood, 
and she stepped back, causing my hands to drop from her shoulders. 

"You selfish bastard." Her voice never waivered or rose in pitch. In 
fact, she showed no emotion at all, save for her eyes narrowing. I 
knew immediately that I had fucked up. Royally. "You think that you 
have any right to make that decision for me? You are so wrong, 
Mulder. I do not need you to protect me. I am a federal agent, just 
like you. In fact, I'm a better shot than you and could probably take 
you in a fight. 

"I have lost a lot to the X-Files, Mulder, but that is exactly why 
this fight belongs as much to me as it does to you. The X-Files 
isn't yours, you know. It belongs to the FBI. If you want one of us 
off them, you had better be prepared for a fight, because I'm not 
giving them up."

By that point I was dumbfounded. I must have stared at her stupidly 
for a full minute. By the time I did respond I was angry, which meant 
I REALLY wasn't thinking. 

"Scully, can't you see I'm doing this for you?" I was yelling at her
, 
hunching my shoulders to get right in her face, "Quit being so 
stubborn; just learn to accept help. This is the best thing for you, 
and you know it."

"You're not doing this for me, Mulder," she spat at me, her voice 
still even and cold, "You're doing this for you. Don't you dare try 
to convince yourself that you're being honorable." Before I had a 
chance to respond, she whirled on her heels and stalked out of the 
office. 

I've gotta tell you, when I imagined the scenario in my head, it went 
very differently. In my head, Scully was hurt at first, but 
eventually came to realize that I was right. In my head she grew to 
be grateful that I had made the decision for her. Hell, even in my 
worst-case versions I never expected her to try and take the X-Files 
away from me! But that is what she threatened and that is exactly 
what she did. Somewhere in all my planning I must have forgotten that 
my partner has quite a set of balls on her, so to speak. In less 
than an hour I had received a call from Skinner, informing me that 
we had a meeting tomorrow to determine who got transferred and who 
stayed assigned to the X-Files. 

I knew I had made a colossal mistake. I had somehow convinced myself 
that Scully wanted out. I figured she'd never just leave me, but if 
I gave her an out she'd take it. I knew her pride would not allow her 
to walk away, but I thought it was what she wanted. Obviously I was 
gravely mistaken. Now I needed to fix this and salvage what was left 
of the greatest friendship and partnership I'd ever had. I couldn't 
convince myself to go and talk to her, though, so I went to a bar 
to have a courage drink first. 

This leads me to where I am now: drunk and standing at Scully's 
apartment door, trying to muster the courage to knock. I raise my 
hand when the door flies open and I hear "Freeze!" as a gun is shoved 
in my face. 

I look down the barrel of the gun, hand still frozen mid-knock, until 
Scully drops the gun to her side with an exasperated look on her face. 

"Jesus, Mulder," she huffs, "What the hell are you doing? My landlord 
called to tell me that there was a man lurking outside my apartment." 
She's wearing a bathrobe and her hair is a mess. She must have been 
asleep. 

"Sorry," I stumble, putting my hand up on the doorframe for support. I 
suddenly don't feel too hot. "I just was, um, hoping we could talk."

She just looks at me. My stomach is doing flip-flops. I swallow hard. 
"Uh, can I come in, Scully?" I ask, feeling like a jerk. "I think I
'm 
gonna be sick." She steps aside to allow me entry, and I scurry past 
her to the bathroom.

A few minutes later I emerge, feeling a little less sick and a lot 
more foolish. "How much have you had to drink?" Scully asks from 
the couch, her voice soft.

"More than I originally intended," I say, giving her an embarrassed 
smile.

"Sit down, Mulder. I'll make some coffee." She stands and walks off 
to the kitchen and I plop heavily down on the couch, leaning my head 
back and closing my eyes. After a moment I feel Scully sit down next 
to me and I lift my head and gratefully take the mug that's in her 
outstretched hand. We sit silently for a minute. 

"Why are you here, Mulder?" Scully asks eventually, breaking the 
silence. 

"I want to talk to you," I answer, putting the mug down on the coffee 
table and turning to face her. 

"I don't know what's left to say," she says. Her voice is still soft
, 
the coldness I heard earlier is gone. But underneath the softness I 
hear her strength, the strength I have counted on so many times. "If 
you came here to ask me to give up the X-Files, please don't. I'm not 
trying to take them away from you. This was your decision. You would 
do the same thing, if you were in my position. But I also know how 
important they are to you. That's why I'm going to ask Skinner if 
it would be possible for each of us to investigate them, separately 
and with new partners." She looks at me expectantly, waiting to hear 
my opinion of her logical solution to the problem at hand. I hate it.

"But that's just it, Scully," I say, grabbing her hands and holding 
them tightly in mine, "I don't want a different partner." 

"Then why try to get rid of me?" she asks, and the hurt she's been 
hiding so well comes through.

"Oh, Scully," I sigh, hanging my head and looking at her hands in 
mine, "It was never about getting rid of you. I've told you before 
how important you are to me, to the work. It's just that, with your 
remission, you've been given the chance that others who've been 
through what you've been through could have only dreamed of. I 
thought you'd want to make the most of it. I thought you'd want to 
live your life to the fullest. Don't you get it? I was trying to give 
you a chance to walk away without feeling guilty. You deserve so much, 
Scully. You deserve a family, a life. You deserve more than this." I 
look up at her and see that her whole face has softened. Her eyes are 
watery and she's looking at me intensely. 

"Mulder, you should know by now that if I wanted to leave, I would. 
You're right. This remission has given me a new chance at life, a 
chance that many other's don't get. I owe it to those people to keep 
fighting and find out what happened to us. I owe it to them to find 
the truth."

I start to shake my head. I want to tell her that she doesn't owe 
anything to anyone but herself, but she doesn't give me a chance. 
She anticipates my words, and already has an answer. So much for not 
knowing how my mind works. 

"Most of all, Mulder, I owe it to myself to keep going. I will have a 
family some day, but right now my place is on the X-Files. Everything 
I've lost for this, if I give up now, will have been for nothing. I 
want to give those sacrifices meaning. Do you understand why I can't 
give the X-Files up?" 

I realize that I do understand. Every reason I've ever had to pursue 
the X-Files and work outside the norm, Scully now has just as much 
invested. 

"Scully..." I start, and a completely inappropriate laugh escapes me. 
"I just noticed how absurd we are." She looks at me funny, quirking 
her head to the side. "Me, you, and the X-Files, Scully. We're so 
intertwined that we've become one cohesive dysfunctional unit."

Scully starts laughing too, and the tears that have been threatening 
finally spill over onto her cheek. "We are pretty ridiculous, aren't 
we?" she asks, still laughing, "Who would have thought, when I was 
assigned to debunk the X-Files, that someday we'd be arguing over who 
got to keep them?"

I nod, laughing with her. "And who'd ever think that two people would 
fight over the very thing that had cost them both so much?"

"Mulder," she says after a minute, her laughter subsiding, "I think 
we're gonna have to stay partners. No one else would know what to do 
with us." 

She's looking into my eyes and smiling. I look down at her, with her 
fuzzy bathrobe and her tousled hair and her brilliant smile, and I 
suddenly realize how amazing the woman before me really is. I know 
what I want to do, and I don't want to give myself time to rationalize 
it. I put my hand on the back of her head and duck down to meet her.

Our lips meet and I realize what I've done. For a split second I 
hesitate, wondering if she's going to deck me for this, then I say 
fuck it, it'll be worth it. 

Her lips feel amazing, soft and warm. I deepen the kiss and she lets 
me, but I need to see her reaction. I need to see her eyes. I pull 
back slowly, and look at her. 

The look in bright blue eyes that stare back at me is more than I 
could have ever hoped for. Scully's eyes are so expressive. Tonight 
I see, among other things, a sparkle that hasn't been there in a long 
time. I feel a grin breaking out on my face, lopsided and goofy as my 
emotions take control of my facial muscles. 

"So, Mulder," Scully says after a minute. "We can put this behind us, 
right? No more trying to get rid of me."

My stupid grin turns devilish. "Actually, if it'll end like this, I 
think I'll try to get rid of you more often."

She smiles sweetly at me and leans forward. I think she's going to 
kiss me again, and I realize too late that I'm wrong. I barely have 
time to duck from my partner's right hook. 

END