From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Lara=20Alonso?= Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2001 20:37:24 +0200 (CEST) Subject: Story submission Source: direct Title: Secret, lies and Byers Author: Lara Alonso Email: larakmcero@yahoo.es Rating: PG 13 Spoilers: Wetwired, light references to Ice and Anasazi Classification: MSR, post-episode story for Wetwired Keywords: Romance, post-episode Summary: After the events in Wetwired Scully reveals something to her partner. Mulder's answer is not, however, the one she expected. But Byers is going to ruin Mulder's perfect plan. -- Title: Secrets, lies and Byers. Author: Lara Alonso email: larakmcero@yahoo.es Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and The Lone Gunmen belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox . Rating: PG 13 I think, for some bad words. Category: MSR, post-episode for "Wetwired". You may wonder ... why would anyone want to make a post-"Wetwired" piece in 2001? I would. Loved the episode (very shippy to me). Love writing. Too much free time. Keywords: Post-episode. Little Angst while we try to figure out ...What the hell is Mulder thinking? Spoilers: Wetwired, a little reference to Scully's habit of aiming her gun at Mulder (Ice, Anasazi). Archive: Anywhere. I don't really think someone could find this interesting enough to archive it. Feedback: Love it. Especially since I'm Spanish and I'd like to be told of the horrible incorrections I've made. Sorry, but I'm not too good at English yet. larakmcero@yahoo.es Summary: Mulder takes Scully home from the hospital and she tell him something very important. Mulder doesn't give her, though, the answer she was expecting. But don't worry, our beloved J.F.Byers will spoil Mulder's perfect plan. SECRETS, LIES AND BYERS Mulder's knock on the door was definetly anxious, so much that Frohike almost run towards the door, fearing that the special agent might be in some kind of life or death situation, which wouldn't be so odd. He was wearing casual clothes, and more important, he wasn't wearing his pretty partner. "What's the rush?" Frohike asked, unable to stop Mulder from entering the room. "I need to talk to YOU" he said, his glance never leaving Byers. "Why him?" protested Langly. "Uh, guys," Mulder seemed to wake up from his state of rush, "I have a personal problem I'd like to discuss with Byers, if you don't mind." "A chick's problem" Frohike pointed. "What makes you think so?" from the look in Mulder's eyes Frohike could tell he was right. "You have a chick's problem and you want to discuss it with Byers since he's the one here who's felt the big L." Frohike could feel Byers blushing behind him.He thought how easily the agent could forget about tv waves manipulation when it came to Scully. Because ... that was all about, wasn't it? "Okay, Langly, let's go for a beer." He didn't wait to hear what Langly had to say about it, he just pushed his friend out of the door. More calmed now, Mulder took his leather jacket off and walked towards Byers.He could feel the intensity in Mulder's eyes, oppossed to his usually unreadable expression. "He's right. I've turned to you because you're tho one who knows how it is to be in love." He took a deep breath, as if something very important just ocurred to him." And plus I'd like to consider you my friend." Byers glance move unwillingly from him to the door Frohike And Langly had exited just seconds ago. But Mulder noticed this gesture too. "Don't take me wrong, i love the guys, they're great but you're ... normal. You're the closest thing to a friend I know, well, besides Scully." Byers catched his tone of voice, never getting used to the way Mulder's eyes widen anytime he mentioned his partner. Byers was intrigued and amazed at the same time. Scully must have seen that look too, or hasn't she? "Risking that I may be wrong, let me guess... this is about agent Scully?" "What kind of question is that? Is there any other woman?" "There were ... i mean, Phoebe, Diana, ..." "Okay, Byers, wrong question. Is there any other woman I actually care about?" "I'm just stunned,Mulder, th-this is too much information in little time." Byers took a seat near his computer and placed his glasses on the desk, feeling heavy. "You come here as if your butt was burning, sorry about the expression, and then began rambling around ... first I am your friend, then you actually admitted you care about Scully..." Mulder took a seat near him, well, in fact he allowed himself to fall on a chair since he wasn't paying much attention to anything, like a beaten boxer. "As if you didn't know" "I know this is a personal comment and maybe it's not my place to make it but ... you're not very comunicative ... at this certain point. We only know what we see." "Well, I've never wanted to be laughed at, it's hard enough to have Frohike saying what a hottie Scully is all the fucking day." "Understood, then. But you said you had a problem. Correct me if I'm wrong but i understand that to have a problem you two ..." "Should be something." Byers was relieved, having to say those thing to federal agent with a smith & wesson was not without danger. Especiallly if that federal agent was in love. "I will try to say it in a couple of sentences so you'll understand, and I'll say it very fast so please pay attention, Byers. This is a favour I'm asking you." Byers nodded nervously. "Here we go ... tonight Scully told me she loved me ..." "Great!" escaped from shy J.F. Byers. "... and I told her I didn't love her back." Byers had to took a few seconds to make sure he had heard what he heard. Some finer exclamations came to his mind but all he could said was ... "I've missed something." "There were two sentences Byers, there isn't much to miss here." Mulder almost shouted in anger, exasperated, crearly not against Byers but against himself. He was aware Byers was looking at him as if he was deranged. And he was, in a way. "We have a point here, Mulder. Contradiction: that's telling me you care about Scully, which was obvious since i don't remember when, and then you tell me the opositte, well, at least you told her the opossite." "I can see a question coming ." He had lost the battle. He was going to talk it out. "How?" Mulder leaned toward Byers and in a very confidential tone told him ... "I take it you have a couple of hours" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------ Scully's apartment, three hours earlier. "Um, Mulder? That lights are ..." Scully had her partner's arm around her waist since they left the hospital. It was nice but made Mulder's actions a bit difficult. "There's no way you're telling me where are the lights in your flat, Scully." He successfully switch the lights on, only to find Scully almost laughing at his face. "See? Mission acomplished." Mulder helped her to reach to the couch, always dreading he could get one of the infamous "I'm fine, Mulder". But he didn't. "I can't believe you mother allowed me to take you home." "She told me she knew I was safe with you." Ups, that was waaaay too sincere, Dana. "Well, she could think a bit more about my own safelty, how could she be sure you weren't going to shoot me." Scully didn't find it very amusing, and told him so with a killing glance. "You think that's funny? Are you trying to make me feel worse?" "That's not what i was trying and you know it." Talking about sincerity. He was laughing, though." Don't you think i deserve some revenge?" said with a vicious smile on his face, "After all you aimed you gun at me three times, shooting one of them." Beautiful scar you left me by the way, Scully. "You should shut up if you don't want me to shoot you one second time." The looked on her face told Mulder that she was being if only half-serious. "My doctor said I wasn't fully recovered from my delusions." "Then I'd better be going, before you remeber you put you unregistered gun in the second drawer." He said pointing at the desk. Scully turned seriously to him and brushed briefly his arm. "Thank you, Mulder." "Why?" he looked genuienly stunned. "I don't know. For just being there, I guess. My mother was right thinking I'll be safe with you." Wait, where the hell did it come from? she thought. "She's not very impartial, she's always done campaign for me." He walked towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, as if he was in his own house. And in a sense he was. "Yeah. When we were children," Scully had that look in her face that Mulder recognized as of someone who was beginning to swim in the warm waters of the past." my mother was always the one who picked lost animals, cats and dogs, from the streets, out of pity. I guess she's doing the same with you." "Well, thanks, for the comparsion, Scully. Thank you very much." "I meant that ... admit it, Mulder, you're not the normal choice in a mother." "I didn't know i was even a choice." But I do know that your mother has the soft spot for my puppy dog face so ... "You are. And my mother expected to make this choice a long time ago, almost since she met you. I've never known why." Scully approached Mulder slowly, until their faces were few inches apart. "You're not what a mother would expect for her child but ... my mother knew my heart before she could learn what was convenient for me." "What are you talking about, Scully?" She could see Mulder's infamous paniked face but she was determined not to let it stop her. "Maybe there was a reason why I aimed my gun at you. This television signals you've told me about ... they were supposed to play with each person's greates fear. Then if my greatest fear is you betraying me then it says a lot. In fact it says it all, Mulder. You've been there for me and you challenged me every step of the way. And that's why I know I'm in love with you. You hear me, Mulder? I love you." But before he could answer he already had her mouth in his own. Scully was kissing him, tenderly but with passion.His first reaction was kiss her too, even though he could not believe it was happening. He couldn't believe how good it felt too. He found himself falling and falling and losing ground in her embrace before he could make his mind up to break the kiss. "No, Scully, we can't do this. This is not right." He wasn't even able to look at her, his glance suddenly very interested in the white door of her fridge. "And why isn't it, Mulder?" questioned Scully, unable to hide the anxiouness in her voice. "Because ..." come on Mulder, think of something, you know what you have to do Don't you? "because ... I don't love you." From the look on her face he could say that was an answer she didn't expect. She didn't have any weapon to protect herself from what he'd just said. And that thought was just killing Mulder. "What?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you I feel the same way, Scully." That's it, cool, Mulder, keep it like that and leave. Leave. "Because I don't." He began walking towards the door, but he took one last look at her. "I'm so sorry." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------- "And you JUST leave?!" Byers had lost the control to put up his calm disguise and was yelling to Mulder. Much to Mulder's surprise. "Sure as hell I did." But there was no violence in his tone. Mulder was begginning to feel a change in his state. Since he left Scully's he'd been torturing himself, grieveing and sweating of pain. Now, facing his friend's gesture of annoyance, Mulder felt more sad and tired than anything else. " And why on earth would you want to do it?" Byers stopped, frightened by his own voice. He was in front of Mulder, on his foot, though he didn't recall having standed up. He looked down at Mulder and could see how he was, too, intrigued by his behaviour. "Sorry I yelled but ..." he sit down again. "I don't know why you came here. It's obvious I don't get you. I don't get how you could tell me that Scully said she loved you and expect me to understand why you didn't rush to tell her the same. I don't know agent Scully as well as you do but ... Do you realize of the repercusions, personal and professional, your words are going to have?" "And you think I don't know? I realize this is going to end, not only the best friendship i've ever had and any chance for me to be happy, but it also will destroy my career. Even though she won't hold this against me... i know she'll never be able to trust me again. How difficult must have been for her to say it out loud ..." Mulder was no longer talking to Byers but to himself, in a soft, regretting voice. His friend leaned closer, lowering his voice, and begginning to guess that Mulder hid a reason for what he'd done. "Then why? Mulder, why?" "Can you keep a secret?" His eyes asked for truth and support at the same time, as well as Byers could see a tear begginning to form in the corner of Mulder's left eye. "Who was I gonna tell?" Byers felt Mulder's inquisitorial look on him. "Apart from Langly and Frohike, I mean." But he was sure, as was Mulder, he wasn't going to tell them. They wouldn't understand, anyway. "Tell me, why have you told Scully you didn't love her?" "Because she deserves better." Four simple words had woken Byers up. He should have known. There was always more than meet the eye with agent Mulder. Now he could feel a large intense monologue coming, and a big, important reason for Mulder's acts was surfacing. "I can't stand the idea of her staying with someone ... like me." "Maybe it's her decision." Whatever's gotten into Mulder's twisted mind he was sure it wouldn't be taken out with speech. But Byers gave it a shot. "Maybe you have no right to make the decision for her." "Of course I have the right. I love her. I think that gives me some authority to discourage her from wasting her life." "No. you're just throwing away you and Scully's chance to be happy just because you're being insecure." Byers regretted his words as soon as the came out of his mouth. There was no use in telling Mulder he was unsecure, his ego would never allow him to admit it. "Being insecure? Well, excuse the shit out of me if i'm wishing the best for her. I've been selfish enough this years just because I wanted her around. If i had some sense I would have make her walk out my office a long time ago. I'm not letting myself be that uncouncious now." "You've make your point Mulder. A beautiful one, if you ask me. I still think you should tell agent Scully. The way you told me. At least she deserves to know." Byers was, that was clear by now, begging him, once he'd given up trying to convice him. "I can't. I know her, she's loyal to the fault. If she didn't lie, if she loves me... no matter how many times I wished she did, right now I hope she doesn't. But if she does I know once I tell her how I feel she's not gonna let me walk away. And she deserves better. A whole lotta better." Byers could feel the rage climbing from his stomach to his throat, and then making its way to his mouth. "You know what? You're right, Mulder, she deserves much better." Mulder couldn't believe what he'd just heard, neither could Byers believe what he'd just said. But he was already trying one last, desesperate shot to regain Mulder's common sense. "She deserves not to be lied the way you lied to her. She doesn't deserve a man who let her think she's not loved just because this man wants to play the tragic, self-sacrifice role. I have to think that's what you're doing because if not ..." "If not what? Say it, Byers, you were being extremely honest until this very moment. Weren't you?." Hadn't he known Mulder he would have thought he was two seconds away from beating him. "If not ... you're a coward." "Maybe that's the point. Isn't that implied in what you've been saying? I'm a coward, ain't I?" Mulder was at the very edge of the chair, looking up in a not very friendly way. "I know you aren't. You've proved it." He had to clear his voice before continuing. Oh, boy, this was gonna be hard, he thought. "You fought for Scully's life when everybody else around told you to stop, never gave up on her. You brought her back when the easiest thing was to let go and seek revenge. I don't think a coward would do that. And I don't think a coward would commit himself heart and soul to a person the way I've seen you do the last couple of years." What have you done, Byers? You're not supposed to say that kind of thing, you're suppossed to be quiet and let Mulder do what he has to do. He knows better than listening to you. A tiny, shy smile formed in his lips. "What's so funny, Byers?" Mulder, always two thoughts ahead everbody, was still swallowing Byers' last words. "Nothing. I was thinking that until this very moment I hadn't understood what had gotten into Scully. I mean, telling you she loved you. That's not quite like her. She has too much to lose to risk telling you. She should have though about the repercussions of an hipotetical, not so hipothetical now, rejection. But now I know." "What do you know?" asked Mulder, intrigued enough to forget the painful of the situation. "Rejection didn't even cross her mind. And it didn't because she knew you loved her. Well, I may add that's obvious for anyone who's been around you two for a couple of minutes. Scully wasn't risking anything, you've made yourself quite clear about that. That's why I bet she's more confused than hurted right now." Byers knew he had to stop smiling, but he didn't. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- Scully was making some (moooooooore) coffee. Well, she kept calling it making coffee but it was clearly a distraction. Because if she wasn't distracted she would think of how many times she had to hit her head in the wall of her house. Silly you, Dana, you should have listened to you eight grade teacher when she said "always wait for the boy to take the first step". Oh, yeah, thank you Miss Bickford, that could have been very, very helpful tonight. May have save me some embarrassment too. Some heartache, too. That would have been a wise voice to listen to. Much wiser than Missy's voice when she fell for their neighbour. She was 15. Her sister had said "go for it, girl". That would make Mulder smile. Not that Scully thought she was going to be able to speak to her partner after this night. No, no, no. Stick to making coffee. Focus. Or else you'll end up breaking something. His nose, for example. No, think again, runaway from that. Quite a big nose to break, though. What did i tell you, Dana? Think of something else. Like what? Coffee machine. Switch it on. Yeah, like he had switch the lights on. Not letting her say where they were. That started it all. But why the hell are you thinking about it now? You should be thinking about drowning yourself to death in your bath tub for being so stupid. If not, at least you should be thinking about making coffee. Alright, Dana, let's go make coffee so you could stay the whole night awake and rewind and rewind what happened. Hell, you're not gonna sleep anyway. What about a deal? If you're going to crucify yourself at least you can do it in a tidy way. So take your coffee mug and begin explaining yourself. Okay. Point number One. I'm angry. Of course, why shouldn't I be? No, that's not the point. The point is why are you angry? Because you told him. Yeah, that's one. You're angry at yourself, of course. Mad at yourself. For being so wrongly brave, for having the guts you never had in your life at exactly the time you shouldn't. But that wasn't the worst. You hate yourself for being as clueless as a teenager. For mistaking all the times Mulder had looked at you in a way a little too intense, everytime he stared a little too long. God, Dana, there was a time you understood men. In fact I still understand men. Just not Mulder. But for once I thought I understand him ... I had to say it. Well, we're making progress. So I know why I'm mad at myself. Now ... Am I mad a Mulder? Beyond words. I'm so mad at him I wish I had shot him when I had the chance. Didn't we say the important fact is why? Try it, again. Why am I mad at Mulder? Because he doesn't love me? I couldn't blame him. I mean, if you don't feel something there's no way someone can make you feel it. In a way I should be grateful he was sincere. That must have been so hard ... I saw it in his eyes. He has no fault in not loving you and at least he didn't lie to you. That bring us back to the question. Why are you angry with him? I cannot come up with anything. YES, you can. Try again. Nop. Nothing. Who are are you trying to fool? You know why. Say it Dana. Say what? Oh, come on, I'm not buying it. Well, I guess I'm angry because ... Because? Because ... he let me kiss him. Umm, nice shot, but you're not speaking all the truth. And I'm angry because ... Go on. Because he kissed me back. And ...? And ... it felt so right. Dana Scully was laying on the floor of the kitchen. She was tired of talking to herself. Tired of overthinking. Aching for feeling again. "Feeling what?" she asked herself. As if she didn't know it. Him. His kiss? Yes, of course but there was more to it and she knew it. She just ached for his pressence. For the sight of him. Dying for hearing his voice coming from the bottom of his lungs, travelling through the air around them and finally resting somewhere between her throat and her ribs. Scully missed the clean scent of his aftershave surrounding her. And of course once she had tasted Mulder's dry lips ... the world was never going to be the same. Especially since she knew she was condemned not to experience that again. Some strange noise saved her from thinking too much. It seemed strange to her because she wasn't paying attention, then it only took her a couple of seconds figuring out it was the ring of her phone. She just prayed it wasn't Mulder. "Scully." "Umm, agent Scully? I'm Byers" Scully felt the kick of panic in her stomach. Byers would never phone her unless ... something had happened. "What's happened?" Byers step back a bit at the sound of the agent's worried voice. If he was going to do it, he thought, he just need to make sure he wasn't giving away too much information. "Oh, nothing's wrong. It's just ... you have to call Mulder." "Why?" She raised her eyebow at the thought of doing something so humilliating. "You have to." "Did he asked you to tell me so?" Brilliant, Dana, he doesn't want to see you again but he'd bothered to make Byers call you. "No. But he wants you to. It's just that he doesn't know how to say it, after what happened tonight." "HE told you?" Great, Mulder, you're over the top. First you let me have the best kiss of my life, then you break my heart, and you're not happy with that, no, you have to tell your buddies. She heard Byers sigh from the other edge of the line. "I should have told him to keep as a secret. I just didn't think things were going to end like this." "It's not all how it seems, agent Scully, you have to believe me. That's why should call Mulder right now." "And why is not all how it seems?" "I can't tell you. It's a secret. He'll probably kill me for talking to you about it, but I owe him." "Well, at least one of you two can keep a secret." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- Mulder was driving back home from the Lone Gunmen's place. He was afraid that his thought weren't going to let him concentrate on the road, but fortunately it was late and there was few cars in his way. "That would be nice," he said to himself "I kill myself in a car crash and my last words to Scully would have been I don't love you. Do you have any idea of what a loser you are? That's the point. If I wasn't this loser I wouldn't need to make her believe I don't love her. If I wasn't myself maybe I'd be with her right now." Mulder shook his head. There was no using imagining what could have been. He had to focus on the fact that he was driving alone towards an empty house. As it always will be. The ring of his cell phone saved him from holding that thought too much time. "Mulder." "Mulder, it's me." His heart stopped, and gave no sing of wanting to go back to work anytime this century. "Byers called. Said you wanted to talk to me." "Byers called? W-what did he tell you?" "That he couldn't tell me because it was a secret." "Oh." there was an uncomfortable silence. "I'm sorry Scully." "You're sorry." Scully let out a loud breath. "Why? Because you let me humilliate myself or because you're the requited part of an unrequited love?" "Because I lied." Lied about what? Scully thought but didn't dare to ask. "It's funny you put it like that because I've always thought the same. I believed it was an unrequited love. But I always thought it was the opposite way. And I'm not sorry because I lied to you, I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough to go along with my lie." "Mulder, if it usually takes a lot to find out what you mean I have to confess that now you seem simply cryptic to me." "Since you told me ... that, none of the words that came from my mouth after that were true. And I'm sorry I'm too weak not to tell you I lied." "But why? Why you lied?" she wasn't sure yet of what the lie was but ... "Because I thought I owed you that. I'm not ready to let you waste your love, your life with someone who's clearly not worth it. I told you I didn't love you because I know you deserve better. You deserver someone better than ..." "You." Scully said in realization. She didn't know wether to feel angry or touched by his confession. She only knew she should have seen it coming, knowing Mulder as she did. She should have suspect some of this. "And it was hard, Scully. Because you caught me off guard. I didn't have time to prepare my lie better because it never crossed my mind that you could love me back, not to mention that you would actually say it knowing what a mess I am." "And what conviced you to tell me the truth?" "I've done a lot of thinking since I left your place. Even though I still think it was the right decision not to tell you, something came to my mind as I was hearing your voice. I said you deserved better. I always believed you deserved a man that's not as fucked up as I am, that's clear. A man with a stable life, a normal job, someone with less psychological problems than me. Someone as perfect and good person as you. But as I was thinking that I realized you deserve something else too. Because you're so special you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be loved with body and soul. And I know I could do that, because I already do." "Mulder, ..." she felt tears spill from her eyes to her tongue. "then it's me who is sorry." "What for Scully?" "For letting you think you're not worth loving. And Mulder anyway, what the hell were you thinking of? What's on with all this "you deserve better" thing? I don't give a damn what I deserve. I chose you. If it means something to you the worst time of my life was thinking I wasn't going to taste your lips again." "I should apologize for that too." "Yeah, you'd better as hell be sorry for that. Who gave you permission to give your colleage the best kiss of her life." "Then you're not angry?Could you forgive me?" "First, yes I am angry. I'm angry everytime I don't have you in sight. And I could forgive you if you forgive me for making you think you're not the right choice for me. I may be beginning to sound like my mother but I don't care if you're convenient. You just feel right to me." "Scully, just stop trying. I'm tired of all those big words. Words cannot make me feel better. I want to see it." "See what?" "Scully?" "Yes?" "Can I come over your place?" Now that was her Mulder. Asking her for permission. Scully couldn't help but laugh at the question. Shy Mulder. Hesitating Mulder. Unsecure Mulder. Wow, she had a lot of work to do with this man. Not that she minded. "Of course you can come, Mulder". "Okay I'm heading your direction." Mulder speak this last words not quite sure of himself, as if giving his partner another chance to change her mind. "I hope so, really. I'm already in pajamas and not in the mood for driving to your place. Plus, I still don't know if you have a bed." Well, thought Mulder, that's something you're gonna have to find out yourself. All things in time. "I don't wanna hung up." "Don't. Small talk have never been our problem." Mulder didn't want to tell her so but he was thinking that no conversation between them was ever small talk for him. "What were you doing?" "Umm. nothing special. Making coffee, thinking what present I'm going to give Byers in reward..." THE END