From: MsFicRec@aol.com Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 14:59:04 EDT Subject: Secrets Source: direct Title: Secrets Author: Summer M. Classification: S, Angst, MSR eventually Rating: Hmmm...maybe PG-13.....for now!! Spoiler: Everything up to and including US season6 Disclaimer: This is for those of you who have not been living on earth for the past couple of years. I do not own Mulder and Scully. (SUPRISE!!) CC and the folks at 1013 own them (or so they think), and everything else recognizable from the show. I only want to borrow them for a little while and I promise not to damage them.......well not too much :) And I assure you I am making no money off of this, who would pay me for it?? Archive: Sure, if you want it, just let me know where. Feedback is greatly appreciated, drop me a line at SMcVickers@webtv.net And on with the story!! PART 1 Monday June 21, 1999 5:30 AM It was time to move on. The very thought of leaving brought tears to her eyes. You just cant work every day for six years with one man and not get more than a little attached. Scully shook the tears out of her eyes with firm resolve and picked up the box of ther belongings. She had let many slights roll off her shoulders like rain off a ducks back, but this last breach of trust was the last straw. Mulder had been voiding her for days. Almost a week. Friday night she had gone over to his apartment. Just to check on him. He'd been gone from the office two days, leaving behind notes with poor, if not implausible excuses for why he wasn't there. Mulder hadn't returned any of her calls. And he was acting weird. Weird for Mulder. She was worried. She knocked three times, with no answer. Just one more time, and I'll leave, she thought to herself. She knocked one final time. Still no answer. Frustrated, she pulled her keys out of her pocket and searched untill she found the right one. Once the door swung open she regretted her impulse. Mulder was asleep on his couch. Nothing odd there. He was naked. And so was the woman sleeping pressed against him, her limbs entwined with his. Diana Fowley. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx Mulder was awake. He had roused from his light slumber the instant he heard the door open. And in the split second it took him to realize who the intruder was, he also knew he was in trouble. Quietly he disengaged himself from Diana, and made his way over to the phone. He punched in the familiar number and waited for the machine to pick up. "We need to talk," he said, "call me." xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx The drive home seemed to take an eternity. She couldn't get the picture of Mulder and "her" together out of her head. Tears kept threatening to spill down her cheeks. And her hands were shaking. "This is ridiculous," she said to herself as she pulled up to her apartment, "I have no claim on Mulder. What am I getting upset about." For some reason that made her feel worse, not better, and her only thoughts were of Ben and Jerry as she ascended the steps to her place. She let herself in and made a beeline for the fridge, pausing only for a second to kick of her shoes and shed her jacket. Grabbing a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and a spoon, she headed back into the living room. "Ok," she said absently as she pushed the playback button on her answering machine, "what are my options in this situation." The voice that she heard made her drop the spoon. "We need to talk, call me," it said. Six words were all it took to stop her cold. Just six words and she knew she had only one option. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx So here she was Monday morning. So early Mulder wasn't even here yet. She had collected her meager belongings from their office and had already left a message for Skinner. Now all that was left was to leave. And despite her earlier resolve, she almost faltered in her determination to get away. "This is right" she thought, "I couldn't face him after that, I have to do this." And with that final thought, without a backwards glance, she picked up her box and left. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx Monday June 21, 1999 11:00 AM He'd overslept. And now this. After that little "incident" on friday the last thing he needed was Scully, upset at him for missing the meeting with Skinner. Well, looks like lady luck just isn't on your side. Musta pissed her off too, Mulder thought as he tried once again, unsuccessfully, to loosen the lugnut. Over sleep, get a flat tire, what else was on the agenda for today, he wondered. "Fox?" a voice said from behind him. Great, he thought as he turned to face Diana, now I get to face two angry females in one day. What did I ever do to deserve this. *Plenty* a second voice shouted in his mind. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Scully. "Hi Diana," he said with a smile, hoping to avoid a scene. "What are you doing?" Must have worked, he thought, she doesn't sound upset at all. "Changing my tire" "Well you may want to loosen the lug nuts, instead of tightening them. You'll be here all day if you don't ... where have you been? After Friday ... well, I thought ... did I do something?" The jump in topic threw him for a moment. He thought that Diana would be mad at him for avoiding her since they had slept together. He didn't expect her to sound so hurt. Hurting her had never been his intentions. He had never thought ... well, he just wasn't thinking. "Diana, look..." he began. "No Fox. I already know. You don't need to say it. I understand," she said softly and walked away. Mulder stood on the curb in front of his building a moment before he complete the task of changing his tire and heading to work. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx When Mulder finally arrived at work he headed straight to the basement office. He had to apologize to Scully for missing the meeting with Skinner. And he had yet to decide what exactly to say to her about the "incident". It wasn't how it looked. That would never work. And he knew it. It was exactly how it looked. Worse even. He knew that Scully would be upset if she found out, she didn't trust or like Diana, and he had done it anyway. He reached the office and stepped inside. Scully wasn't there. Must still be in the meeting, he thought, and turned around to go to Skinner's office. He had gotten all of three steps out the door before he went back. He had a vague feeling something wasn't right. He looked carefully around the office, trying to locate the source of his discomfort. Mulder couldn't pinpoint what it was, but there was definitely something wrong. Unable to shake the feeling, he again left to go to the A. D's office, but was stopped short by Skinner himself. "What's going on," Skinner asked. "What do you mean," Mulder replied. "Scully left a message at my office. She's taking some personal days, said she would be unreachable for a few days ... Mulder, she requested a transfer...do you know what may have prompted this?" "She requested a trans..." Mulder trailed off and silently cursed himself. "I need to go, sir, I'll be back shortly." "Mulder, do you know why she would have requested a transfer," Skinner said as he stepped in front of the door, effectively blocking Mulder's escape. "I have a couple of ideas, but I need to find her, so if you'll excuse me..." he replied as he forced his was past. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx Tuesday June 22, 1999 3:00 PM Scully lay dozing in the warm mid-afternoon sun. This had been the perfect place to escape reality for just awhile. The beach house was beautiful, weather was beautiful, the sky, everything was beautiful. And all of these things had helped her to relax, to keep her mind off of Mulder, and what she was going to do without him. Sleep had almost claimed her, when she heard step on the porch, then felt a shadow fall across her. "How did you find me?" she said without opening her eyes. "How did you know it was me?" Mulder wondered aloud. "How did you find me?" she asked again. "With a little help from my friends," he replied, "By the way, Frohicke says hi." "Figures." "Scully, we need to talk" "No Mulder, we don't" she stated simply, and walked into the house, locking the door securely behind her. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx Part 3 She actually slammed the door on his face. Mulder couldn't believe it. He hadn't expected her to run from him like that. If he had, she never would have made it past him. As it was, now all he could do was knock on the door. "Scully," Mulder practically shouted to be heard through the door, c'mon, we need to talk. Open up." Slowly, the door cracked open. Mulder pushed against the door, trying to open it enough to gain access, but the chain lock kept him out. "Mulder, I already told you, we don't need to talk. I don't want to talk," she replied quiet. "Fine. I need to talk to you. You don't have to say a word, just listen." "Talk then." "Can I please come in? Please?," Mulder's soft request came complete with his patented puppy dog face. She was a goner. She went inside and closed the door so that she couldn't see him, so he couldn't affect her like this. Why did she open the door? Without answering, she closed the door. She's not going to let me in, he thought. Just as he was about to turn away, when he heard the faint scrape of the chain lock being released. The door opened. Without conscious Mulder took two steps forward, closing the distance between them. Of their own accord, his arms wrapped around Scully, pulling her close to his body, and before he realized what he was doing his mouth descended on hers. Stunned by the reality of their first kiss, Scully could only react on instinct. Her arms crept up around his neck and one hand tangled in his hair. Hundreds of sensations cascaded through her as his tongue traced the seam of her lips, silently begging entry. Unable to do more than respond she opened he mouth to him, allowing him access. Their tongues met, and her mind started screaming. STOP, this is not right. This is not right. Unwanted images of Mulder and Diana, naked, flooded her mind. Scully pulled her mouth from his, and tried, unsuccessfully to push away from him. "Mulder, let go" Still his arms were around her. She looked up at him and saw a look of confusion in his eyes. "Let go," she repeated, "we can't do this. We can't. It's not right." Understanding and hurt crept into his gaze and he quickly dropped his arms from her. "Sorry Scully," he mumbled under his breath. She asked him to stop, and he had, but now she felt dizzy without his support. Not wanting him to see her weakness, she turned and started towards the couch. By the time she got there she felt more in control and ready to face Mulder, ready to talk to him. She turned to tell him. He was gone. Part 4 He was going to leave. He had every intention of getting into his car and just driving away. So why was he sitting on the beach. "Because, you dumbass," he thought, "if you leave now you'll just be back in a couple of days. This'll save the trip." He sat with this arms propped on his kneed and tried to think of what he could say to Scully. He now had two things to apologize for. And he didn't know where to start. He wanted to tell her something that would make everything better. He wanted to kiss her again. NO. Don't think things like that. That's what got you into half of this mess in the first place, his mind yelled. He dropped his head down onto his arms, and tried to think up the magic worlds that would put everything back to normal. You don't want things back to normal, his mind whispered, you want to be able to kiss her... A small hand on his shoulder stopped the voice in his head mid- sentence. xxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxxXxXxx Scully ran from the house, when she realized he was gone, prepared to follow him. When she saw him sitting on the beach she slowed for a moment, before continuing down to him. He was right, they needed to talk. She may not be going back to the X-files, going back to Mulder, but she couldn't let their relationship end like this. When she placed her hand on his shoulder, he jumped. Wonder where he was at, she thought absently to herself, as she lowered herself to the sand beside him. "I'm sorry Scully," he stated. She knew he had more to say; could tell by the look on his face. And although she wanted to tell him some things as well, she held her tongue and waited for him to continue. She didn't have to wait long. "I don't have any excuses for the, uh, incident last week. I won't even try to explain it. I never meant for anybody to get hurt. I never intended for that to even happen, but it did. If I could I would take it back. I don't want to loose you over this." "Mulder..." "No, please let me finish. I'm sorry for what happened back there at the house. I didn't plan on that happening either, but I'll tell you something. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me take THAT back." He had kept his eyes on her through his entire speech, trying to gage her reaction to his words, to no avail. She had kept her poker face firmly in place. But when she look at him he saw the hurt and feeling of betrayal shining in her eyes. "I know that I have no claim on you Mulder," she said her voice catching ever so slightly," but why her?" Mulder flinched. She had just asked the worst possible question. How could he tell her about the secret he had kept from her all this time. How could he tell her about his past with Diana without hurting her more. "You know that Diana and I had a relationship," he began, " back when I first found the X-files. For awhile it was very intense, and we did some stupid things." "Mulder, exactly what was your relationship with her," Scully asked, finally turning to look at him. The moment their eyes met she knew. She didn't know how she knew but she did. He brows came together in a frown and her mouth dropped open, all of her breath left her in a rush and she felt suddenly light headed. "You, you two were, were married," the words sounded like they had been wrung out of her. He regarded her for a full minute, trying to decide how she had known. Scully sat, staring at him, waiting for him to confirm what she already knew. Hoping that he would deny it. But no denial came forth from his lips. Instead he dropped a bomb. "We still are." Part 5 Stunned Scully stood up and walked as close to the pounding surf as she dared. Her mind was reeling. Mulder was married. To Fowley. All this time, he had never told her. The thought made her mad. All this time he told her to trust him about Diana. No wonder. Good thing she had transferred from the X-Files already. She would never be able to trust him again. "Scully?" his voice came from behind her, "aren't you going to say anything?" "What can I say Mulder?" she said as she turned to face him. Their eyes met and Mulder saw the hurt and the anger shinning plainly in her eyes. After a pause she added, "why didn't you ever tell me? Why hide it this long?" "It wasn't like that..." he started. She waited for him to continue. When he didn't begin speaking soon enough she decided to help him along. "What do you mean?" "When you first started on the X-files, Diana and I had been separated for about four months. Shortly after that she had me served with divorce papers and I never saw her again. I assumed that she had filed the papers. As it turns out she never did. Last Monday Diana came to my apartment and told me. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell you, but I though you would get upset. Friday Diana was to come to my place so we could sign new papers, get the divorce, and I could pretend it never happened. Instead she showed up with a bottle of wine. We started talking, and drinking too much. Things got out of hand," he finished. "Well Mulder, now I really don't know what to say," she replied breathlessly. "I wasn't done," Mulder said. "Mulder, I really don't need any further details." "I need to tell you this though. Diana didn't want to put the papers through. She wanted us to stay married." "You still love her, don't you?" "Yes Scully. I love her. But I'm not in love with her. It's you. It's been you for a very long time. I'm so in love with you, sometimes I think I'll go crazy." "If it's me, then why did you slee..." Mulder cut her off before she could finish. "I don't know. I can't explain why. I can't excuse it. But I love you. I told Diana that, but I think she already knew." Scully stared at him for a moment before speaking, "Mulder, I don't know what to do with all of this. I can't forget what I saw. I can't forget that you kept this from me. And even though I should, I can't forget you. I don't want to forget you. I love you, Mulder. But I can't forget. I keep seeing you... with her... I can't... there's so much to sort out... I don't know. "Oh, Scully," he said as he pulled her into his arms. She went willingly, let herself be engulfed by him, totally surrounded by his presence. If she could just stay this way forever, she could forget all of the bad things. But she knew that was unrealistic. Reality would come creeping back, and issues would have to be faced. But for now she was content to stand here and let Mulder hold her. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX They stood like that until the sun began to set and the warmth left the day. Scully pulled away from Mulder and looked up at him. "Let's go inside," she said. "Are you sure I should stay. I can go if you want me to." "Stay." Scully took his hand and led him inside. They sat on the couch, enjoying each other's company in silence. "Why didn't you tell me," she asked. "I didn't know...." "Not that. The other." It took him a moment to realize what she was asking. When he did he smiled and framed her face with his hands. "Because, I never thought you'd feel the same way, and I didn't want to loose you. I hasn't lost you have I? You'll come back to work, won't you?" "I didn't want to leave," she replied, " I just didn't think that I had a choice. I want to come back. I need to. I just hope Skinner will let me." "He'll let you," he whispered as he leaned in closer. "Mulder," the words were almost a sigh. "Just one" Only the briefest of touches and Mulder pulled back. Scully regarded him for a moment before pulling his head back down to hers. When they finally parted they were both panting for breath. "Mulder." Scully said," do you have any other secrets you'd like to tell me about before this goes any further?" "Yeah, I used to be a drag queen Go-Go dancer. Is that a problem?" Scully laughed as she stood up and dragged him with her. Leading him towards the bedroom. "Scully, I don't know if this is a good idea," he said hesitantly. "Yes it is. I need to be with you Mulder. I don't think I can wait any longer. I don't want to." "Are you sure?" "I love you Mulder, I want us to be together. We can beat anything together. Even ex-wives." And without anymore argument, they made their way to the bedroom. END (for now) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Authors note: I am thoroughly disgusted with the ending. But I have been battling with writer's block on this story for well over two weeks and there are other stories demanding their day in the spotlight. So this is it... for now.